"Journey to Heal" – Part 2

Just another WordPress site

"Journey to Heal" – Part 2

♪ >WELCOME TO TIME FOR HOPE, A MINISTRY OF HOPE FOR LIVING MEDIA CHURCH AND BIBLE STUDY TIME, INCORPORATED. HERE’S YOUR PASTOR AND HOST, DR. FREDA CREWS >THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF “TIME FOR HOPE”. I’M DR. FREDA CREWS, YOUR HOST, AND TODAY FOR THE SECOND AND CONCLUDING WEEK I AM BEING JOINED AGAIN BY MY GUEST CRYSTAL SUTHERLAND WHO IS AN AUTHOR, SPEAKER AND MINISTRY LEADER TODAY CRYSTAL AND I WILL BE CONCLUDING OUR DISCUSSION OF HER BOOK TITLED “JOURNEY TO HEAL”, SUBTITLED “SEVEN ESSENTIAL STEPS OF RECOVERY FOR SURVIVORS OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE” RESEARCH REVEALS THAT MORE THAN 42 MILLION VICTIMS, BOTH MALE AND FEMALE, OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE HAS TAKEN PLACE IN THE UNITED STATES ALONE. THIS MEANS A LOT OF PAIN, GUILT AND SHAME IS BEING EXPERIENCED AND THAT THE NEED FOR HEALING IS ENORMOUS. WHILE THERE IS NO SIMPLE FORMULA FOR THOSE SEEKING RECOVERY, CRYSTAL BELIEVES THE BIBLE CONTAINS DIRECTIONS FOR MOVING TOWARDS HEALING AND FREEDOM FROM THE PAST. CALLING HER BOOK “A ROAD MAP TO RECOVERY” CRYSTAL INVITES READERS TO PROCESS THEIR STORIES AND REJECT SHAME, GUILT, LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND OTHER MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS. INSTEAD CRYSTAL ENCOURAGES ABUSE VICTIMS TO ALLOW GOD TO SHOW HIMSELF STRONG IN THEIR HEALING. STAY WITH US AS CRYSTAL AND I CONCLUDE OUR DISCUSSION AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY OF HEALING ♪ >AND CRYSTAL AGAIN IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU AND I’M CERTAINLY ENJOYING SHARING WITH YOU BUT I DON’T ENJOY WHAT WE’RE HAVING TO TALK ABOUT. >YES, YES >I WOULD LIKE IT NOT TO BE TRUE, BUT IT IS TRUE. >ME TOO. ME TOO >AND I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOME UPDATED FIGURES ON THOSE THAT ARE MAYBE STILL SUFFERING OR HAVE SUFFERED AND HAVE LIKE YOU RECOVERED FROM CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE >YES YOU KNOW THERE ARE NUMBERS THAT, YOU KNOW BECAUSE THIS IS A CRIME THAT GOES SEVERELY UNDERREPORTED IT’S REALLY DIFFICULT TO MEASURE WHAT THE REAL NUMBERS ARE. BUT THERE’S EVEN CURRENT ESTIMATES OF UPWARDS OF FIFTY-ONE MILLION ADULT SURVIVORS NOW. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE STATISTICS, JUST A CONSERVATIVE STATISTIC, IS ONE IN TEN CHILDREN MALE AND FEMALE BASED ON REPORTED CASES THAT WE HAVE WILL BE ABUSED BEFORE THEY REACH THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN. SO EVERY YEAR WE’RE INCREASING THAT NUMBER OF ADULT SURVIVORS THERE’S ANOTHER ESTIMATE THAT SAID YOU KNOW UPWARDS OF FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND CHILDREN THAT WILL BE BORN INTO THE US TODAY WILL BE SEXUALLY ABUSED. THOSE CHILDREN WILL GROW UP IN TO BE ADULTS AND SO YOU KNOW >IT’S STAGGERING ISN’T IT? >STAGGERING, IT’S STAGGERING >VERY DISHEARTENING. >YES IT IS >I DON’T THINK WE ACTUALLY HAD YOU SAY WHAT CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE REALLY IS. YOU KNOW FROM THE LEAST OF ABUSE TO THE GREATEST OF ABUSE. DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT? >YES ACTUALLY I WOULD AND IF YOU DON’T MIND I’M GOING TO JUST READ IT STRAIGHT FROM MY BOOK BECAUSE I LOVE THE DEFINITION THIS WAS A DEFINITION THAT I FOUND IN DAN ALLENDER’S BOOK >OH BY THE WAY DAN’S BEEN HERE HE’S BEEN A CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE. IS HE STILL OUT IN BRITISH COLUMBIA? >I AM NOT SURE WHERE HE IS EXACTLY BUT I WILL TELL YOU >HE’S A GREAT GUY >HE IS A GREAT GUY AND HIS BOOK THE WOUNDED HEART >I REMEMBER THAT. I THINK WE DID IT ACTUALLY >THAT WAS ONE OF THE BOOKS WHEN I FIRST BEGAN TO JUST GRAB FOR RESOURCES IN ANYTHING I COULD FIND THAT WOULD SPEAK TO THIS ISSUE AND THE PAIN THAT I WAS FEELING INSIDE. HIS BOOK WAS ONE OF THE FIRST. AND HIS DEFINITION IS THE ONE THAT SET ME FREE IN A LOT OF WAYS. SO IF YOU DON’T CARE I’D LOVE TO READ THAT FOR THE READERS. IS THAT OKAY? >IF IT’S NOT TOO LONG >NOT TOO LONG. SEXUAL ABUSE IS ANY TYPE OF NONCONSENSUAL SEXUAL CONTACT AND TO BE CONSENSUAL IT HAS TO BE CAPABLE AND FORMED AND UNFORCED CONSENT. THIS FORM >INFORCED CONSENT? >IT HAS TO BE UNFORCED. >YOU SAID AND FORCED CONSENT >OH I’M SORRY. TO BE CONSENSUAL YOU HAVE TO BE CAPABLE OF CONSENTING, YOU HAVE TO BE INFORMED OF WHAT YOU’RE CONSENTING TO AND IT HAS TO BE UNFORCED. YOU CAN’T BE FORCED TO HAVE TO CONSENT. SO THAT’S WHAT THAT IS. THE FORM OF ASSAULT AND ABUSE, THIS FORM OF ASSAULT AND ABUSE CAN HAPPEN TO MEN OR WOMEN OF ANY AGE. CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE IS ANY CONTACT OR INTERACTION VISUAL, VERBAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL BETWEEN A CHILD OR ADOLESCENT AND AN ADULT WHEN THE CHILD OR ADOLESCENT IS BEING

USED FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION OF THE PERPETRATOR OR ANY OTHER PERSON. AND SO SEXUAL ABUSE MAY BE COMMITTED BY A PERSON UNDER THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN WHEN THAT PERSON IS EITHER SIGNIFICANTLY OLDER THAN THE VICTIM OR IN A POSITION OF POWER AND CONTROL OVER THE CHILD OR ADOLESCENT. SO IT IS ANYTHING THAT’S VISUAL YOU KNOW SEXUAL ABUSE; CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE ALSO INVOLVES SHARING PORNOGRAPHY WITH A CHILD, EXPOSING THEM TO THAT. IT COULD BE WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT AND WHAT YOU SAY, WORDS THAT ARE SPOKEN OVER THEM. IT DOESN’T NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE PHYSICAL IN ORDER TO BE DAMAGING. ALL OF IT YOU KNOW PLAYS A PART AND A ROLE. SO AGAIN IT’S AGAIN VERY DIFFICULT TO MEASURE BECAUSE OFTEN TIMES PEOPLE THINK WELL THERE HAS TO BE YOU KNOW PHYSICAL ABUSE IN ORDER FOR IT TO QUALIFY AS SEXUAL ABUSE AND THAT’S NOT TRUE >OR THE ACTUAL SEXUAL ACT. IT CAN BE SHORT OF THAT, A LOT SHORT OF THAT. >YES IT ABSOLUTEY CAN >IF A DAUGHTER REALLY IS CRAVING HER FATHER’S ATTENTION AND AFFIRMATION AND SO ON AND SO FORTH HE’S LIABLE TO PICK UP ON THAT AND EVEN GIVING JUST THAT HE CAN DO IT IN WRONG WAYS IF THE REALITY IS FACED >YES I THINK THAT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IS USUALLY A CHILD, AND THIS IS WHAT I’VE SEEN IN MOST OF THE CASES OF WOMEN THAT I HAVE MENTORED. USUALLY THERE IS A PRECURSOR TO THE ABUSE. SO USUALLY THE CHILD HAS BEEN GROOMED IN SOME WAY. SO THERE’S EITHER GOING TO BE SOME LEVEL OF EXPOSURE TO PORNOGRAPHY, THERE’S GOING TO BE SOME LEVEL TO EXPOSURE OF INDECENT TALK, USUALLY THERE’S LINES THAT ARE CROSSED YOU KNOW SLOWLY BEFORE A PHYSICAL LINE THEN GETS CROSSED AND SO THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT A CHILD IS BRINGING ON IN TERMS OF LOOKING FOR LOVE AND AFFECTION. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS PREDETERMINED THAT A FATHER OR A MOTHER OR A BABYSITTER OR SOMEONE WHO IS OLDER IS SEEING THE CHILD AS VULNERABLE AND THEN SEEKING OUT THE CHILD TO ENACT WHATEVER DESIRES THEY WANT TO FULFILL >ANOTHER THING THAT I HAVE LEARNED THROUGH MY COUNSELING AND SO FORTH IS THAT THERE IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS EMOTIONAL SEXUAL ABUSE WHERE IN A MOTHER AND SON CAN BE TOO CLOSE. AND ACTUALLY I’VE BEEN TOLD BY PATIENTS THAT THIS IS SOMETIMES MORE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH THAN THE REAL YOU KNOW WHEN IT IS EMOTIONAL SEXUAL ABUSE. AND HAVING HEARD STORIES AND KNOW OF THIS CAN HAVE TO DO WITH UNUSUAL CARESSING, CAN HAVE TO DO WITH UNUSUAL KISSING, CAN HAVE TO DO WITH ALL KINDS OF EXPRESSIONS LIKE THAT THAT YOU COUNT HARMLESS AND OKAY WHEN ACTUALLY IT IS YOU KNOW IT CAN GET TO BE EMOTIONAL AND ABUSIVE >ABSOLUTELY, YES. A CHILD CAN BE ABUSED EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, SEXUALLY YOU KNOW ALL OF THOSE THINGS, ALL OF THOSE THINGS CAN PLAY, AND A MOTHER YOU KNOW UNFORTUNATELY THERE ARE WOMEN WHO ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN. IT’S SMALLER IN NUMBER THAN MEN WHO ABUSE BUT YES THERE ARE WOMEN WHO ABUSE NOT ONLY THEIR CHILDREN BUT THERE’S JUST WOMEN WHO ABUSE IN GENERAL. YOU KNOW I WAS ABUSED BY A BABYSITTER AND SHE WAS A GIRL AND SHE WAS A FEW YEARS OLDER THAN ME AND THAT’S WHEN I WAS ABOUT SEVEN YEARS OLD >I THINK I MIGHT HAVE MISSED THAT IN YOUR BOOK. I’M NOT SURE NOW LET’S MOVE ON WITH THE COMMITMENT. WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THAT. WE COMMIT TO RECOVERY IS WHAT IT AMOUNTS TO, RIGHT? AND THEN THE SECOND ONE IS FACE THE TRUTH. WE HAVE TO FACE THE REALITY. I LIKE THAT WORD THE TRUTH AND REALITY OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO US AND WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO US AS YOU DID AND IN THAT PROCESS LEARN YOU KNOW THAT AS YOU DID LATER ON THAT IT’S A CRIME. IT IS A CRIME. WELL IT’S A CRIME AGAINST NATURE, IT’S A CRIME AGAINST THE CHILD AND IT CAN BE A LEGAL CRIME ALSO. SO THEN WE MOVE ON AND SINCE IT’S A JOURNEY WE INVITE GOD INTO THIS JOURNEY WITH US AND YOU’VE GOT THAT DOWN. THEN THE NO MORE DISGRACE, WE’RE LOOKING AT LETTING THE SHAME GO. OH YOU

MUST KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE THE DAY YOU LEARNED THAT GOD IS NOT HOLDING THIS AGAINST YOU HE’S NOT HOLDING IT AGAINST YOU AND HE’S REALLY, REALLY WILLING TO JOIN YOU IN THIS JOURNEY >OH YES. ABSOLUTELY. COMING TO UNDERSTAND AND I DID THAT THROUGH HIS WORD AND JUST TIME IN PRAYER AND A LOT OF JOURNALING AND SITTING UNDER A LOT OF SOUND TEACHING AND JUST GETTING TO KNOW THE LORD BETTER AND IT WAS THROUGH THAT PROCESS THAT I UNDERSTOOD THAT’S THE CHARACTER OF GOD. THAT THIS IS NOT, HE DOESN’T TAKE DELIGHT IN OUR SUFFERINGS LIKE THIS AND HE DOES, HE GETS IT AND UNDERSTANDS AND HE DOESN’T BLAME US, CERTAINLY CHILDREN, FOR GOING THROUGH THIS. THIS WAS NOT SOMETHING THAT HE INTENDED FOR US. THIS IS JUST A PART OF MAN’S FREE WILL >DID YOU EVER ASK YOURSELF WHERE GOD WAS WHEN ALL THIS WAS GOING ON AND HOW COME HE WASN’T THERE FOR YOU? >I DIDN’T BECOME FULLY AWARE OF HIM UNTIL I WAS THIRTEEN YOU KNOW WHEN I GAVE MY HEART TO CHRIST AND WE BEGAN REALLY TO START GOING TO CHURCH ON A MORE CONSISTENT BASIS. SO BY THAT POINT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM WAS DEVELOPING AND I CRIED OUT TO HIM OFTEN YOU KNOW TO END IT, TO STOP IT, TO GIVE ME DIRECTION AND TELL ME WHAT I NEEDED TO DO IN MY THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD YOU KNOW ABILITY TO ARTICULATE THAT TO GOD AND MY UNDERSTANDING OF HIM AND SO I DIDN’T STRUGGLE WITH THAT QUESTION OF WHERE WAS GOD AS MUCH AS I KNOW SOME OF THE WOMEN THAT I HAVE MENTORED HAVE STRUGGLED WITH THAT. SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, NO I KNEW HE WAS THERE WITH ME. I KNEW THAT, I KNEW THAT HE WAS ACTIVELY WORKING TO HELP ME >I ALWAYS TEACH EITHER GOD ORDERS OUR SUFFERING OR ALLOWS OUR SUFFERING AND HE ALWAYS SAYS IT’S FOR OUR GOOD. AND YOU WOULDN’T BE WHERE YOU ARE TODAY; I’M SAYING THIS, HAD YOU NOT EXPERIENCED THIS JOURNEY. AND IT MAKES A PERSON INTO WHO THEY REALLY ARE AND THEIR SUFFERING, THEIR PAIN WHEN THEY INVITE GOD INTO THEIR LIVES AND INTO THEIR JOURNEY. THEY’RE TELLING ME IT’S TIME FOR A BREAK AND WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK ♪♪ >STUDIES AND STATISTICS CONSISTENTLY REVEAL THAT POSSIBLY ONE IN EVERY THREE GIRLS IN THE U.S. HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED. BOYS ALSO EXPERIENCE SEXUAL ABUSE BUT AT A LOWER RATE THAN GIRLS. SEXUAL ABUSE IS ANY MISUSE OF A CHILD FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE OR GRATIFICATION. SEXUAL ABUSE CAN PREDISPOSE CHILDREN TO ALL KINDS OF DEVELOPMENTAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, AND BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS, WHICH CAN RANGE FROM REMAINING STUCK IN SHAME, PSEUDO GUILT AND CERTAIN STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT INCLUDING LOW SELF-ESTEEM, ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION, PROSTITUTION, SEXUAL GENDER IDENTITY ISSUES, AND RELATIONSHIP DISTURBANCES RESEARCHERS HAVE ACTUALLY FOUND CLEAR CHANGES IN THE BRAINS OF PEOPLE WHO WERE ABUSED AS CHILDREN AND COMMITTED SUICIDE AS COMPARED TO OTHERS WHO WERE NOT ABUSED AND DIED IN AN ACCIDENT OR BY SUICIDE. (REUTERS HEALTH 2009) SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS OFTEN CARRY THEIR SECRETS, WOUNDS, SHAME AND PSEUDO GUILT THEIR WHOLE LIVES. OTHERS ACT OUT THEIR PAIN BY CHOOSING TO BELIEVE THE LIE THAT THEIR REAL SELF IS OF ANOTHER GENDER OTHER THAN WHAT THEIR BODY REVEALS SOME HAVE PUSHED THE PAIN AND TRAUMA SO DEEPLY WITHIN THEIR UNCONSCIOUS SELVES THAT ONLY ANOTHER TRAUMA, RELATIONSHIP CRISIS OR OTHER PRECIPITATING EVENT CAN OPEN THE WOUNDED SELF ACCEPTING THE TRUTH REGARDING WHAT WE KNOW, OR WILL ADMIT TO, RELATED TO WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO US CAN BE VERY PAINFUL, BUT IT IS THE ONLY PATH TO FREEDOM STOP BELIEVING THE LIE THAT YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE SECRET AND REMAIN A PRISONER OF YOUR PAST INSTEAD, BELIEVE THAT YOUR PAST DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST TO SHARE THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. IT MIGHT BE A FRIEND, SPIRITUAL LEADER OR DIRECTOR, SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR OR PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR. WITH APPROPRIATE HELP YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD TO A NEW BEGINNING. AND, LAST BUT FOREMOST, I CHALLENGE YOU TO RECEIVE THE TRUTH THAT JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF THE CREATOR GOD, KNOWS ABOUT YOUR PAST AND PAIN, INCLUDING YOUR STRUGGLE RELATED TO YOUR SEXUAL GENDER, AND IS READY AT ANY GIVEN TIME TO PROVIDE YOU WITH THE TRUTH OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MALE OR FEMALE. IN RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, THERE IS HOPE FOR RECOVERY

AND HEALING OF ALL SHAME, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, OR OTHER PAIN AND THE FREEDOM YOU HAVE LONGED FOR (MATTHEW 11:28-30: HOLY BIBLE) IT’S YOURS FOR THE SEEKING AND ASKING (ROMANS 15:13; GALATIANS 5:1: HOLY BIBLE) ♪♪ >WE ALWAYS APPRECIATE YOUR STAYING WITH US ON TIME FOR HOPE. AND TODAY OUR GUEST IS CRYSTAL SUTHERLAND AND WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HER BOOK JOURNEY TO HEAL. AND WE HAD A LITTLE DISCUSSION OFF CAMERA CRYSTAL WHERE YOU MISUNDERSTOOD SOMETHING I SAID ABOUT GOD AND SUFFERING. AND I SAY THAT OUR SUFFERING EITHER COMES FROM GOD ALLOWING IT FOR A PURPOSE OR ACTUALLY SOMETIMES ORDERS IT IN OUR LIVES BECAUSE OF SOMETHING HE WANTS US TO LEARN, SOMETHING HE WANTS US TO KNOW OR SOMEONE HE WANTS US TO BECOME. ROMANS 8:28 IS VERY CLEAR AND PLAIN ALL THINGS, ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR OUR GOOD AND WE WOULDN’T WANT A GOD THAT DIDN’T SAY SUCH A THING AS THAT AND THAT WE COULD KNOW THAT ABOUT HIM >RIGHT, RIGHT >SO I THINK I DID KIND OF OPEN THAT UP TO YOU FROM MY PERSPECTIVE >YES, YES. AND I DO AGREE WITH YOU. YOU KNOW GOD DOES WORK ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR OUR GOOD AND I THINK THAT YOU KNOW WHAT A LOT OF, WHAT A LOT OF SURVIVORS STRUGGLE WITH IS THEY STRUGGLE WITH THEIR PERSPECTIVE OF GOD AND SO WHEN THE CHURCH OR THE BODY OF CHRIST SAYS THAT GOD ALLOWED THIS WHAT THEY’RE HEARING IS GOD INTENDED THIS FOR ME. THEN THERE’S THE QUESTION OF HOW COULD GOD LET MY FATHER DO THIS? HOW COULD GOD? AND SO WHAT I EXPLAIN TO WOMEN IN MY BOOK IS I POINT THEM TO THE CHARACTER OF GOD, I POINT THEM TO ROMANS I POINT THEM TO GENESIS 50:20 WHICH SAYS THAT YOU INTENDED HARM, WHAT THE ENEMY INTENDED HARM FOR GOD CAN USE FOR OUR GOOD >I LIKE THAT, THAT GOD OVERCOMES. >HE OVERCOMES >HE CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING THE ENEMY PUTS INTO OUR LIVES. AND REMEMBER LET’S GO BACK TO JOB. ACTUALLY SATAN ASKED FOR PERMISSION TO DO ALL THAT HE DID TO JOB AND GOD SAID YES BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE HIS LIFE. HE DRAWS THE LINE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT KNOWING THAT ABOUT SUFFERING. GOD IS THE ONE THAT DRAWS THE LINE AS TO HOW FAR IT’S GOING TO GO AND THE GOOD THAT’S GOING TO COME OUT OF IT >YES HE DOES. HE CAN USE OUR SUFFERING FOR GOOD. ABSOLUTELY >ALRIGHTY LET’S MOVE ON. THEN NUMBER THREE WE MUST SHARE OUR STORY AND I’VE LEARNED WITH MY EXPERIENCE IN COUNSELING IT’S VERY IMPORTANT. AND THAT’S ONE OF THE THINGS GOD DESIGNED OUR CHURCHES TO BE FOR AND OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST TO BE THERE FOR US SO THAT WE CAN SHARE OUR STORY AND IF IT INCLUDES SHAME AND GUILT WE CAN STILL SHARE OUR STORY WITH EACH OTHER. SO WE HAVE TO DETERMINE HOW MUCH, WITH WHOM, WHEN WE’RE GOING TO SHARE IT AND WE’RE GOING TO NEED GOD’S HELP IN DOING THAT. OKAY GOING ON DOWN, THEN I LIKE WHAT YOU’VE GOT ABOUT SETTLE THE UNSETTLED. JUST LIKE THE SEVENTY-FOUR-YEAR-OLD WOMAN ON OUR FIRST SHOW, SHE’S WANTING TO SETTLE THE UNSETTLED YET. SO WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU’VE GOT IDENTIFY, IDENTIFY WHAT? >WELL I TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE. >THE UNSETTLED AREA >WELL FOR A SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE, ADULT SURVIVORS OFTEN WHEN THEY BEGIN TO PEEL BACK THE LAYERS OF THEIR STORIES, WHEN THEY BEGIN TO PROCESS THEIR STORY ONE OF THE THINGS THEY FIND OUT IS THEY HAVE A LOT OF ANGER AND BITTERNESS EITHER TOWARDS THEIR AGGRESSIVE OR PASSIVE ABUSERS. SO FOR ME AS I PEELED BACK THE LAYERS OF MY STORY I SAW WHERE I WAS STRUGGLING WITH A LOT OF ANGER AND BITTERNESS. THAT SEEMS TO BE A COMMON THREAD AMONG ADULT SURVIVORS. SO THAT CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO REALLY IDENTIFYING THAT. WHAT DO YOU HOLD OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR IN YOUR STORY AND DO YOU HAVE A ROOT OF BITTERNESS AND IF YOU DO LET’S WORK ON THAT AND WHAT DOES GOD SAY THAT WE NEED TO DO ABOUT THAT? AND SO I ENCOURAGE READERS TO IDENTIFY THAT AND WHEN THEY DO I ENCOURAGE THEM TO RELEASE THAT BY WRITING WHAT I CALL AN ANGER LETTER. AND REALLY WHAT THAT IS, IS MORE FOR THEM THAN ANYONE ELSE. IT’S REALLY JUST TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO ARTICULATE THEIR FEELINGS BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME CHILDREN WHEN THIS OCCURS WHEN THEY’RE VICTIMS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE THEY DON’T GET A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT IT AND ON INTO ADULTHOOD WHERE WE’RE REALLY CONDITIONED NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT, NOBODY REALLY WANTS TO

HEAR YOUR STORY AND SO YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. AND SO UNFORTUNATELY THERE EITHER WASN’T THAT OPPORTUNITY TO PROCESS THOSE FEELINGS AND SO I GIVE THEM THAT OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT. AND THEN I ENCOURAGE THEM TO PRAYERFULLY CONSIDER WHETHER OR NOT TO SEND THAT LETTER >I HAD TO HELP MANY PATIENTS MAKE THAT DECISION WHETHER THEY WERE GOING TO SEND THE LETTER AFTER IT WAS WRITTEN OR WHETHER WE WERE GOING TO DESTROY IT. AND SO YOU HAD TWO SITUATIONS IN GETTING THINGS UNSETTLED. THAT HAD TO DO WITH YOUR MOM, TELLING YOUR MOM AND GOING THROUGH THAT PROCESS WITH HER AND THEN CONFRONTING YOUR STEPFATHER. AND HE DID EXPRESS AN APOLOGY AND SORROW OVER WHAT HE HAD DONE >YES HE DID. AND ACTUALLY IT WAS A SITUATION YOU KNOW MORE OR LESS THAT WAS JUST A GIFT FROM GOD. I DID NOT SEEK OUT TO CONFRONT HIM. IT WAS JUST SOMETHING THE LORD ORCHESTRATED IT WAS A VERY CHANCE MEETING. I HAD NEVER INTENDED ON SEEING HIM AGAIN AFTER I LEFT HOME AND IT WAS JUST A CHANCE SITUATION WHERE WE HAD TO AND HE JUST WAS THE ONE WHO INSTIGATED THE APOLOGY. AND YOU KNOW HE RECENTLY HAD RECEIVED CHRIST, HE FELT A LOT OF GUILT AND SHAME OVER WHAT HE HAD DONE >AND WE MUST BE WILLING TO FORGIVE AT THAT POINT >WELL I DID, YES. I WAS VERY YOUNG. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE DEPTH OF THE GIFT OF THAT NOT UNTIL LATER IN YEARS AND I DIDN’T FORGIVE HIM UNTIL LATER IN YEARS >AND THEN WE MOVE ON TO NUMBER FIVE FORGIVE AND LET IT GO AND THAT’S VERY HARD AS A GENERAL RULE FOR MOST OF US. FORGIVENESS COMES DIFFICULT UNTIL WE FIND THE SCRIPTURE THAT SAYS UNLESS YOU’RE WILLING TO FORGIVE THEN YOU CAN’T BE FORGIVEN. AND THAT KIND OF CHANGES IT DOESN’T IT? AND THEN, THAT WAS NUMBER FIVE, NUMBER SIX IS DISCOVER YOUR TRUE IDENTITY. AND IT IS VERY OFTEN THAT PERSONS ABUSED, PERSONS DO LOSE THEIR SELF-ESTEEM THAT WE’VE ALREADY COVERED WITH THE SHAME AND THE GUILT AND SO FORTH. AND FINALLY ESTABLISH YOUR NEW LIFE IN CHRIST. I LIKE THAT. WE ALL HAVE TO DO THAT WHETHER WE’VE BEEN ABUSED AS CHILDREN, SEXUALLY ABUSED OR NOT. WHEN WE COME TO CHRIST WE HAVE TO ESTABLISH OUR NEW LIFE IN CHRIST AS NEW CREATIONS IN CHRIST JESUS. SO I END IT FOR OUR VIEWERS WITH PRAY FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SPOUSE, CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY OF FAITH WE DIDN’T GET INTO THE INTIMACY END AND YOU HAD MENTIONED THAT EARLIER. IT CAN REALLY CAUSE SOME PROBLEMS IN A MARRIAGE AND WITH INTIMACY BUT YOU WORKED THROUGH THAT ALSO. >WITH GOD’S HELP >RIGHT, WITH GOD’S HELP. SO YOU CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY OF FAITH IT WILL NOT ALWAYS BE SMOOTH SAILING BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL AND CAN BE TRUSTED. DO YOU AGREE WITH ME ON THAT DON’T YOU? >ABSOLUTELY >YOU AGREE WITH ME. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. AGAIN I THANK YOU FOR COMING AND JOINING ME ON TIME FOR HOPE AND I HAVE SOMETHING I NEED TO SHARE WITH OUR VIEWERS. THIS ONE’S KIND OF LONG SO BEAR WITH ME BUT I THINK YOU’LL LIKE IT. DEAR DR. FREDA; THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIRELESS EFFORTS. I HAVE WATCHED AND RE-WATCHED YOUR TIME FOR HOPE EPISODE WITH STEVE BROWN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE FEW MINUTES. IT HAS GIVEN ME A RENEWAL, A NEW BEGINNING FOR HOPE. THE INFINITE MASK OF ONE MAN COULD BE A BOOK ABOUT ME. I AM TIRED OF REALIZING I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND I KNOW, NOW KNOW, I WON’T BE, CAN’T BE AND THROUGH GRACE DO NOT NEED TO WORRY IN STRIVING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH. I WILL SAY YOU’VE GOT THE SHOW. I DON’T THINK YOU LOST A THING. I AM GETTING THE BOOK AND LOOKING FORWARD TO READING IT AND SHARING IT WITH OTHERS I APPRECIATE THAT ALSO. I LOVE YOUR PROGRAM AND I APPRECIATE YOUR CARING OF OTHERS. ALONG WITH OTHERS I AM GOING FINANCIALLY, I’M GOING FINANCIALLY TO SUPPORT YOUR WORK SO THAT OTHERS LIKE ME CAN BE BLESSED AS I AM TODAY. AND GOD BLESS YOU WHICH I GREATLY APPRECIATE THAT. AND THEN DEAR DR. FREDA; I WAS MOLESTED BY MY FATHER WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL NO ONE COULD LISTEN TO ME AND I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP HIM. I FOUND OUT WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS GROWN THAT SHE WAS ALSO MOLESTED BY MY FATHER AS WELL WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE. I FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT KNOWING SO I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING TO STOP THIS. PLEASE PRAY FOR BOTH OF US. I DIDN’T TALK ABOUT THAT BEING A GENERATIONAL THING BY THE WAY AND IT DOES HAPPEN DOESN’T IT?

>IT ABSOLUTELY DOES >THIS WOULD HAVE TO BE VERY PAINFUL FOR THIS ABUSE SURVIVOR >ABSOLUTELY, IT ABSOLUTELY WOULD >DID YOU KEEP YOUR FIRST CHILD AWAY FROM YOUR STEPFATHER UNTIL YOU KNEW HE HAD CHANGED? >I MEAN I DID NOT. MY MOTHER AND MY STEPFATHER DIVORCED NOT LONG AFTER, YES NOT LONG AFTER I LEFT. THERE WASN’T AN ONGOING RELATIONSHIP >YES SO. DID YOU EVER HAVE TO PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER FROM ANYBODY ELSE OR WERE YOU OVERLY PROTECTIVE? >I WAS OVERLY PROTECTIVE. YES I DIDN’T EVEN REALLY, I WAS AFRAID OF EVERY MAN THAT WAS OF MY STEPFATHER’S AGE AND I MEAN HIS SIZE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. IF THERE WAS ANYONE LIKE THAT AROUND MY DAUGHTER I JUST YOU KNOW, AND THAT’S TYPICAL AND NORMAL. VERY HYPERSENSITIVE YES >I DO APPRECIATE YOUR JOINING US FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS WITH CRYSTAL AND I WOULD ALSO APPRECIATE YOU MAKING THE DECISION THAT ONE OF THE LETTERS I READ WHERE SHE HAS MADE THE DECISION TO HELP US FINANCIALLY AND I WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO PROCESS THAT AND BECOME ONE OF OUR DONORS TO HELP WITH THIS MINISTRY. AND I ALSO ENCOURAGE YOU TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK ON TIME FOR HOPE ♪ >THANK YOU FOR WATCHING TIME FOR HOPE, A MINISTRY OF HOPE FOR LIVING MEDIA CHURCH AND BIBLE STUDY TIME, INC. WE OFFER A FREE FACTSHEET WITH MORE INFORMATION ON TODAY’S TOPIC. CALL OR WRITE US TO GET YOUR COPY TODAY ♪ > THE RESOURCE WE ARE OFFERING THIS WEEK IS AVAILABLE FOR A DONATION OF AT LEAST 14 DOLLARS TO THE TIME FOR HOPE MINISTRY ANY ADDITIONAL DONATION YOU WISH TO SEND WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. CALL US AT 864-585-5115. WRITE US AT PO BOX 2169 SPARTANBURG, SC, 29304 OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE, TIMEFORHOPE.ORG >AS WE CONTINUE TO GIVE OUT MESSAGES OF HOPE, A FINANCIAL GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT TO SUPPORT THE TIME FOR HOPE MINISTRY WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. WHEN YOU SEND US A GIFT, YOU ARE JOINING US IN THE MINISTRY GOD HAS CALLED US TO, AND WE GREATLY APPRECIATE YOUR TEAMING UP WITH US IN EXTENDING GOD’S KINGDOM >AND WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO LOOK FOR DR. FREDA’S SCRIPTURAL DEVOTIONALS ON OUR TIME FOR HOPE TV MINISTRY FACEBOOK PAGE WITH THE MANY OTHERS WHO ARE ALREADY APPRECIATING THEM. AND TO SEE THIS PROGRAM AGAIN ONLINE, OR SHARE IT WITH A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER, VISIT OUR WEBSITE, OR SEARCH FOR “TIME FOR HOPE TV MINISTRY” ON YOUTUBE, ITUNES, ROKU AND FACEBOOK. AND DR. FREDA HAS TAUGHT ON SUBJECTS SUCH AS GRIEF AND LOSS, MARRIAGE AND PRAYER, WHICH CAN BE PURCHASED IN BOOKLET FORM BY CALLING US, OR VISITING OUR WEBSITE, TIMEFORHOPE.ORG >UNTIL NEXT TIME, HAVE A GREAT WEEK AND REMEMBER IT IS TIME FOR HOPE ♪ ♪