The Stowaway | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 45

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The Stowaway | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 45

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons TRAVIS: We play Dungeons & Dragons! LIAM: We should just get a sound cue for that at this point TRAVIS: It’s expected now MATT: It’s like our version of (air horn) LIAM: (like an air horn) Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Before we get started, we have some announcements to get to. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors tonight: our fantastic friends from D&D Beyond return. Sam? SAM: D&D Beyond, what a year of sponsorship from D&D Beyond! They’ve been with us all campaign long, all year long, and to thank them for such a wonderful 2018, I thought I would give them a gift, an ad that will hopefully live on forever I’m calling it My Christmas Gif. You heard that right. It’s not a Christmas gift, it’s a Christmas GIF TRAVIS: How do you make the letter F with your hands? SAM: GIF TRAVIS: Nope! SAM: These are two Cs. Or “Jiff” if you want to say it wrong. Here’s how it’s going to work: I don’t know how to make a GIF or a “Jiff,” but you fine Critters out there do. So what I’m going to do is do some movements, some reactions, some acting, and hopefully be joined by some fellow cast members. The crew’s going to bring out a green screen and we’re going to do this over there at this camera. You guys will be encouraged to add your own backgrounds to make this something memorable that can live online so that when you’re going through the Twitters or the Reddits or the “Im-i-gurrs”, I don’t know what that is, “Im-gurr”? TRAVIS and MARISHA: Imgur SAM: Thank you. I’m an old man! When you’re going through the Giphys, maybe you’ll come across one of these bad boys that we’re going to create live, right now, and then send some love to D&D Beyond I’ll act one out. I’m going to go over here to this camera, Matt, if you’ll excuse me for one second– MATT: Okay MARISHA: We’re really doing this? SAM: Okay, we’re making some GIFs, right here MARISHA: I can’t believe you guys are doing this for him. Max! SAM: Okay. We’re making GIFs. You guys will turn this into a GIF later that will live on forever There’s lots of GIFs to choose from. I’m going to do one. You know the guy who blinks who is like, “Hmm, that’s weird?” I’m going to do that. Okay, ready? And action. (humming) Okay! Someone will make that into a GIF! Taliesin, do you want to make one? TALIESIN: Oh god, not really SAM: I’ll direct you TALIESIN: Okay. No. How are you doing this? SAM: Here, I’ll hold this so you can just act TALIESIN: Okay SAM: There’s a lot of applause GIFs out there, so why don’t you do an applause or a praising type GIF? Ready? And action! TALIESIN: Yes, yes, yes SAM: Okay, that was so good. Laura, come on. This is going great, guys! There’s a lot of fail GIFs, right? There’s fail GIFs everywhere, right? So why don’t we do one where you’re rolling a dice and oh, it sucked, or something like that, I don’t know. Let’s see that (groaning) SAM: That was good. I think we need a take-two You’ve got to get your hand up here LAURA: That was– SAM: Damn it, didn’t work. Matt, do you want to come do one? No, these are all innocent GIFs. You know how sometimes on Twitter you see a GIF where it’s like this. Like, “What that commenter said, “I agree.” Just do that, just point up and be like “Yeah!” Yeah! Right? Yeah! That’s a GIF right there! We just made a GIF! Last but not least, I’ll do one, I’ll do a success one where a d20 comes rolling in and knocks me out of the frame or something, I don’t know, we’ll figure it out later! TRAVIS: What about dramatic prairie dog? SAM: Oh, yeah, that’s a good one TRAVIS and TALIESIN: ♫ Bum bum bum! ♫ SAM: That’s it! That’s a wrap! Thanks, guys! (applause) TALIESIN: Well done. Good call, Travis MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: Thank you, Sam SAM: That worked so well MATT: And thank you, D&D Beyond, for being our fantastic partner through this campaign. Speaking of partners, we have a partner sponsor tonight as well, our returning friends from Rook & Raven They’ve been with us before, they return tonight Creators of the handcrafted, high-quality, disc-bound notebooks that you’ve seen for your campaign notes, your character notes. They design them for all sorts of role-playing games. There you go with the Mischief and Misadventure one there. The work is fantastic. For the month of December, The Rook & The Raven is donating 100% of

their profits to schools, teachers, and community centers to help grow gaming clubs and classes through their Adventure Club Gaming Kits. They’re going to be putting everything together and making sure that these schools and the facilities have the necessary materials to help facilitate gaming clubs and getting these kids together to build the strong bonds that I did as a kid, and I’m glad to see that expanding and they’re making that happen Go ahead and give the gift of gaming now by helping support their work and thus, support these kids as well at TheRookAndTheRaven.com/CriticalRole TRAVIS: Nice! That’s so cool MATT: I think it’s badass. I love that that is a thing that can happen now. I get messages from a lot of people saying they have gaming clubs at their schools and now there’s too many kids playing and like– that’s so– yay. That’s such a surreal reality; I’m so happy about that. We also have some other big announcements this week that we put up. First off, we have a fantastic art show coming up soon. You guys had a chance to see the art book, the Vox Machina final campaign art book, now we get to announce that we have our very first art show to celebrate the fantastic art community that’s come out of Critical Role. Each piece of art was created by community artists, curated by us. Tickets for the opening reception will be available this coming Monday, December 17th, and are completely free, and that’s just for the reception. You don’t need tickets for the two other days. The exhibit will be open through January 20th. You can stop over at any point in the weekend if you missed the actual reception event. It’s going to be there. It’s going to be at Gallery Nucleus. You can find out all the information for that at CritRole.com. We also announced that on Saturday, January 19th, that same weekend, we are doing a return to Vox Machina one-shot, our first campaign LAURA: I’m so excited! MATT: It’s going to be the Search for Grog. For those, no spoilers, but towards the very end of the campaign, something happened, one of our players pulled a thing from a deck of thingy-things and briefly derailed a lot of things, and we just glossed over it. We’re actually going to play through that adventure as a one-shot with all the returning members of Vox Machina but two, because Grog is being sought after and another character will not be present TRAVIS: (as Grog) I couldn’t help it, I’m sorry! MATT: We could make it, you know– LIAM: Well, Travis, some might say that you were forward thinking TRAVIS: Ooh! MATT: Super excited about this one-shot and to bring us back into the world of Vox Machina. VIP tickets go on sale this Saturday, December 15th, and general admission which goes on sale on Sunday, December 16th. VIP attendees will have a special swag bag, including a signed Vox Machina print by the whole cast, as well as a special Q&A with Brian before the show. It’s got a lot of fun stuff. Once again, go to CritRole.com for all the info. We look forward to seeing you guys there (cheering) TALIESIN: Hosted by Brian Wayne Foster MATT: Yes. Also, be sure to join us next week for our very special holiday one-shot, that is being DMed by our fantastic Liam O’Brien LIAM: Ha! Ha! Oh my gosh! I’m so excited! I’ve had this idea in my head for two years! TRAVIS: You have, that’s right! LIAM: Two years! I wanted to do it last Christmas! I’m mostly ready. We’ll see what happens MATT: I was not expecting that much exuberance out of you. I am twice as pumped now for this, just from that. That was adorable! LIAM: It’s going to be fun! It’s going to be so much fun! MATT: It’s called The Night Before Critmas. It’ll air on Friday, December 21st at 7:00pm, so Friday next week, to kick off the holidays right. 7:00pm Pacific at twitch.tv/criticalrole. Last but not least, we also have our very special end of the year State of the Role tomorrow, which will give you more insight into our holiday programming schedule, a few fun things that we have coming in 2019. You can check out all the details tomorrow morning at CritRole.com and probably posted across our socials, so keep an eye out for that. I think that’s it? TRAVIS: Yeah, four pages of notes, I think you got it MATT: Yeah, it was a hefty one, it was a big one On that note, my friends, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role (no audio) (chanting) Role! Critical! Role! [dramatic Critical Role theme] LAURA: Roll the dice! (singing) The adventure begins, they were always beside you, your nerdy best friends, and the DM to guide you. And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead Villains beware ’cause you’re about to be dead

(music) ASHLEY: (singing) They got magic and flair, they got falchions and cunning. They don’t see over there there’s a monster incoming. Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don’t think twice. Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, roll the dice! (chanting) Role! Critical! Role! ASHLEY and LAURA: (singing) Can you answer the call? Diggin’ deep in your soul as the legend unfolds. Now it’s your turn to roll! [fire burning] MATT: Welcome back. That was adorable, Laura. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein, after spending an exorbitant period of time at sea at the behest of Captain Avantika, on the ship the Squalleater, got pulled into piracy under the banner of The Revelry, brought to the pirate city and island of Darktow amongst the Dragshallow Reefs. There, you uncovered information, proof that she had plans to overthrow the Plank King and rule the seas, along with her fanatical obsession with Uk’otoa ALL: (whispering) Uk’otoa! MATT: I knew it was coming. You manage to dodge through the night, grab the necessary journal, uncover the information through the cipher, and through a scuffle, survive this fiery battle on the docks from the ship. Through some tactical use of spells and quick members of your party, you got it in the hands of the Plank King. Judgement was brought between the two of you at the dock, and he chose Avantika to go. Upon having her make her leave, violently, gave you guys your reward, which was sparing your lives and telling you to get the fuck out of Darktow and never come back. You were gifted the hobbled, burned form of the Squalleater and left to make your way out towards the ocean where you attempted to search into the backstory of Fjord’s relationship with his patron, in search of one of what seems to be the third and final sphere. You made your way down into the wreckage of his ship, The Tide’s Breath, and discovered it was one of many in what was called the Diver’s Grave, a ship graveyard here in the center of the Lucidian Ocean. In trying to find out where this orb went, you were drawn into the underwater lair of Dashilla the Dreadful. You encountered spirits of long-dead sailors bound there by her magic. You discovered the essence of how she’s able to maintain this graveyard and draw ships down below While she managed to flee before being killed, you grabbed what you were looking for, fled to the surface, and with your ship, escaped the growing storm before any more danger was brought to you That was where we left off. Mighty Nein, as you’ve all gathered your things, you can hear the distant crack of thunder as the storm gets smaller behind you on the horizon. What do you want to do? TRAVIS: Should we go back down and just push the button, just make sure that we’re wiped out once and for all? I’m kidding. We should make our way over to the Bisaft Isle, right? Need repairs? SAM: Yes TRAVIS: That would be the thing to do LAURA: We are pretty hurt here TRAVIS: Yeah, how’s everybody feeling, by the way? Are we damaged, beat up? We all right? LAURA: Nothing that a good night’s rest won’t help TALIESIN: Or two… three SAM: How many days will it be sailing? TRAVIS: I’d estimate probably three or four MATT: Three or four days from where you are now SAM: You got it right! TRAVIS: Believe! You hear that? Holy shit, I got it right! As I was saying. Orly, if you would, please plot us a course to the Bisaft Isle MATT: “Of course, don’t you worry.” He goes ahead and sets course. The ship makes its turn across the water in the direction of the Bisaft Isle MARISHA: Bishaft? TRAVIS: Bisaft SAM: (singing) Bishaft, ah! TRAVIS: No H, it’s Bisaft! MARISHA: It’s made of fucking cookies MATT: Bisaft SAM: Biscotti? MATT: Yes TALIESIN: Biscotti Islands MATT: To that degree, you guys have a few days of travel, anything you’d like to accomplish in this time? You’ve taken a long rest for the first evening. You’re restored if you need to restore your spells and hit points

SAM: I have a small list MATT: What is your small list, Nott? SAM: Okay, you said that we have some cannons aboard. Do we have gunpowder? MATT: Yes SAM: Okay. I would like to fashion, if I can, three more explosive arrowheads for myself, if possible? MATT: Sure! SAM: Or attempt to MATT: Sure, let’s do it. Let’s give it a shot Roll a tinkering check SAM: Three times? TRAVIS: Can you do that up in the crow’s nest, please? SAM: Right in the belly of the ship MATT: Are you proficient with the tinker’s tools? SAM: I have tinker’s tools. Where do I see– LAURA: How can you tell if you’re proficient? MATT: It’s under your proficiencies TRAVIS: Yeah, which on D&D Beyond– LAURA: Oh, proficiencies and languages SAM: Where’s that? LAURA: Scroll up… no SAM: Nope. But I am good with chemistry MATT: You are! SAM: Which is part of the deal LAURA: Alchemist’s supplies MATT: It’s already powder. It’s already explosive You’re just constructing a casing and a means of detonation. Just roll and add your dexterity modifier SAM: Three times? MATT: Yes SAM: All right. Two, 11, 13! Plus four. So 17, 15, low MATT: Okay. You make two SAM: Hey! That’s great MATT: The third one SAM: Oh no MATT: In the crow’s nest, as Fjord– SAM: No, I’m down near the cannons MATT: Okay SAM: That’s where the gunpowder is TRAVIS: Why would you be anywhere else? TALIESIN: Literally the first thing they teach you MATT: The first one goes by easy as heck. You’re proud of yourself. Second one, a little tenuous, but you manage to craft it, and that’s nice. The third one, roll a perception check SAM: Three! LAURA: Plus what? SAM: Plus zero LAURA: Oh no MATT: You, in all the excitement, and your mind’s eye focusing entirely on all the wonderful explosions this is going to cause, aren’t paying attention to the wire you’re using to seal off where the head of the explosive bolt goes. As you pull, through a series of lucky circumstances, a spark gets hit. There’s a brief moment where you hear that (hissing) and you’re like “Oh!” There’s just a flash. Roll a dexterity check for me– a dexterity saving throw SAM: Two! LAURA: It’s at an angle! Move your fucking thing! SAM: It is at an angle MATT: It’s still a two, though. Plus? SAM: Plus seven, but wait! Don’t I have something on dexterity saves where I can– LAURA: You get advantage? SAM: I don’t know. Don’t I have something? I should know my shit! MATT: You really should! MARISHA: You have evasion SAM: What’s evasion? It’s an area effect! So if it’s a big explosion, maybe? MATT: Correct! Unless your cloak gives you advantage on dexterity saving throws? SAM: No TRAVIS: Can you uncanny dodge a shitty dex roll? LIAM: If you fail, it’s half damage, not full damage MATT: Correct. So you failed SAM: Okay LIAM: Hello! I hear you’re trying to do a rogue action MATT: In that explosion, 13 points of fire damage you suffer, halved because of your evasion trait, so that’ll put us at six. You take six points of fire damage as there’s this brief explosion that rocks the vicinity and your ears ring. You grab the sides of your face as your eyes attempt to focus. In that brief instant, you see a shape move through the center of the galley MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: We have a fucking stowaway SAM: Oh shit! First of all, am I singed? Did the other arrows– Is everything safe? Is anything else going to blow up? Any other fire? MATT: Make a perception check SAM: Six! MATT: Everything seems safe! MARISHA: Just get them all out TRAVIS: Caleb! Jester! Beau! Everybody, below decks! Find out what that was! SAM: No, everything’s fine! TRAVIS: That you, Nott? SAM: I’ll climb up. It’s okay! TRAVIS: What did you do? MATT: As you guys look up, you can see this smattering of dark soot all across her face. The hair’s scattered LAURA: Oh no, Nott! Are you injured? SAM: There was a booby trap set by Avantika! But I found it and disarmed it! It’s all right. We’re safe now TRAVIS: I’m glad you survived. There’s a lot of gunpowder down there! SAM: I know. I was just making sure that we were safe and we definitely are now! LAURA: Cure Wounds SAM: Thank you! LIAM: Do you need to have any company below?

SAM: No, I’ll be okay below. But Beauregard? MARISHA: Yeah? SAM: In Halfling, I will say to her: There’s someone hiding downstairs. We need to act fast, but don’t alert the others yet; they’ll overreact! You and I are the calm and steady ones. We can deal with this TRAVIS: Nott! What is coming out of your mouth right now? SAM: Sorry MARISHA: We were saying our daily prayers TRAVIS: Y’all have daily prayers? MARISHA: Yeah, it’s called, “Get the fuck out of our business.” TRAVIS: That’s a lot of heat MARISHA: Sorry. I’ve been on a boat for a very long time SAM: I just don’t want us to all go down there and scare away whatever it is– oh, no I’m still in Halfling! MARISHA: You’re sure we shouldn’t let Fjord know? Or we should just handle it? SAM: What do you think? MARISHA: Do we kill them? SAM: Who, Fjord?! He hasn’t done anything to us! MARISHA: No! TALIESIN: Ah, I heard your name. Whatever they’re saying, I heard your name TRAVIS: Yeah, right? You heard that; it was like: (gibberish) Fjord (gibberish) SAM: I don’t know how to translate it! LIAM: Caleb starts speaking in Zemnian: What are we doing? What are you talking about? This seems rude to me! What is going on? TALIESIN: What language were you speaking? LIAM: Zemnian TALIESIN: Goddamn it, I don’t know that one SAM: Gather close, everyone LAURA: I gather in Infernal (laughter) SAM: In Common: there might be someone down below, hiding. In my exploration, I might have seen a shape moving down there. I don’t want us to go charging down there and blow up–! LAURA: (shouting) It’s the Traveler! SAM: Shh! Not too loud! TRAVIS: Are you sure there are no more booby traps below? SAM: I don’t think so. This one was very specific in its design, seemed to be a one-of-a-kind thing, I hope TRAVIS: Can you go back down there? Take Beau, Jester with you, and we will stay up here to make sure they don’t get by you on the way out, but you need to find whomever or whatever that was and isolate it SAM: Isolate! TRAVIS: Yeah SAM: Contain! TRAVIS: Exactly SAM: Kill! LAURA: What if it’s Vera? Do you think it could be Vera? SAM: Didn’t she die? TRAVIS: No, she didn’t. She was in shackles next to the ogre, right? MATT: No, last you saw Vera she was burned pretty bad LIAM: He was vague about his wording at that moment TRAVIS: But! Isolate and contain, go now! MARISHA: (quick footsteps) LAURA: Okay! TALIESIN: Try not to do it– well– MARISHA: Before I go down I go: Fjord. Sorry for being a dick. Then just go TRAVIS: Apologies TALIESIN: That’s an improvement TRAVIS: Growth TALIESIN: That’s impressive TRAVIS: (singing) Character arc! TALIESIN: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves MATT: Beau and Nott? SAM: You said Jester, too LAURA: Me too! TALIESIN: I’m going stay and keep an eye out on deck MATT: The three of you head down past the galley, or the kitchen where you originally saw the shape move. You’re now towards the center where the cannons and the accessible stores of gunpowder are. You guys can see the scarring mark on the wood there where the previous explosion happened SAM: (talking through his teeth) Near the galley is where I saw the thing move LAURA: Do I see anything? MATT: Make a perception check SAM: Ooh, so much better then mine LAURA: 23! MATT: Okay then. You glance past the galley; you don’t see any movement. You glance across the opposite side near where the stairway leads into the cargo hold below. You look past and you swear you see something looking back from around one of the barrels, then disappear behind it, and you hear (light footsteps) LAURA: Hey! Hello? We saw you SAM: Is there a way to flank around behind wherever that shape was? MATT: It’s possible. Where you saw it was right next to the stairs that lead down into the cargo hold. Whatever the shape was, it moved behind one of the large barrels there, made a run for it, hoping it wouldn’t be seen, and then went downstairs LAURA: Downstairs MARISHA: It went downstairs? MATT: Into the cargo hold, yes LAURA and MARISHA: Let’s go MARISHA: Yeah, we go downstairs. I quietly dart forward to block off the path MATT: Okay, so blocking off the area. Everyone make a stealth check, please SAM: Hood up LAURA: Oh! (whispering) I bless you! MARISHA: (whispering) Okay. What is it? LAURA: (whispering) You get advantage

MARISHA: (whispering) Oh, that’s cool LAURA: (whispering) Oh, natural one MARISHA: Natural 20! Thanks for that blessing! LAURA: Bless you! (clattering) (laughter) SAM: 23 MATT: Okay, that tips the scales a bit, then. You guys are quietly making your way down there, hearing the creaking of wood and the very faint, muffled sounds of waves crashing against the outside of the Squalleater. You see a shape duck down even further back in the cargo hold behind one of the box clusters LAURA: Can we see what it looked like? MATT: It’s too far away and there’s no light down there LAURA: Too bad I can’t make light SAM: Why did he send us three? MARISHA: I put on my night-vision goggles MATT: All of you have darkvision, as long as you have the goggles on SAM: Do you want me to go scare it out or something? LAURA: Yeah SAM: I don’t know how to do that LAURA: Oh. Me neither MARISHA: (whispering) What? You can be scary! SAM: Ooh! Your duplicate! LAURA: Okay, I was going to say Thaumaturgy, but yeah SAM: Do that, too! LAURA: Okay, I use Thaumaturgy and I send– I don’t want to use my duplicate SAM: Just send the Thaumaturgy, then LAURA: And I use my duplicate! I send my duplicate where the boxes are that they are hiding behind and at the same time I use Thaumaturgy to say: (spooky voice) There are ghosts on the ship! MARISHA: I look at Nott. (whispering) You. Me Flank. Let’s go SAM: Okay SAM and MARISHA: (quick footsteps) TRAVIS: Oh good, a little Naruto run? MATT: You guys dart around, with the booming voice of Jester’s duplicitous double. There, curved around the corner you manage to all at the same time flank in this area. As you get around the space, you can see they’re huddled in the corner If you’d like to come to the table– (cheering) MATT: And describe to them what they see DEBORAH: Sitting in the tiniest little corner, in the littlest ball, I have created an illusion of a halo over my head, so I look like a perfect little angel. It’s just a tiny little gnome girl. You would have no idea how old I am. I’m really cute, and there’s sticks in my hair, and I got singed a little bit, so one cheek’s covered in soot. I have really pretty necklaces LAURA: (gasps) DEBORAH: I go: Ghosts? Did you say ghosts? I’m scared of ghosts! LAURA: (gasps) Oh! There’s no ghosts, you’re so cute! DEBORAH: There’s chocolate smeared on my face as well LAURA: Come out! You’re so cute! Is it a little child– SAM: Jester! Fjord, said to contain! (shouting) Get down! I’m going to point my crossbow at her Get down! Don’t say a word! LAURA: You want some candy? Come on SAM: No! This is not good cop, bad cop. We’re supposed to contain! Contain! DEBORAH: At this moment, I push my hand out, and another little hand slides off of it and comes forward. It comes into your face and goes– SAM: I mean, she’s so cute! How could I do that to you? I’m so sorry! MARISHA: Okay, okay! Okay. Who the fuck are you, though? Seriously? TRAVIS: Who the fuck are you, though? DEBORAH: I open up my little cloak and I go: Should we tell them? Okay! I think that– yes! No, I think they’re friendly. It’s okay! So I go: I’m Twiggy! (deeper voice) This is Trixie TRAVIS: Oh no! SAM: Whoa! DEBORAH: Trixie’s my bestest friend, and we got stuck on this ship. But I have lots of chocolate and lots of apples. As you can tell, that’s all I’ve been eating! And I wonder if it’s okay if I could hang out with you guys for awhile? Until we get to shore? SAM: What were you doing hanging out on a ship in a pirate island? DEBORAH: Hmm! SAM: You’re a little cutie pie! DEBORAH: I know! So I just needed somewhere to hide for a while, and there was this box, and it was open, and they were bringing it on a boat, so I was like: Hey sounds like a good idea! SAM: I mean, that seems like a perfectly reasonable explanation for me DEBORAH: That’s what I thought! LAURA: What does Trixie look like? DEBORAH: Trixie’s got a big bushy tail, and a cute little– do you want to see? LAURA: Yeah! DEBORAH: I open up my cloak and sitting in my pocket is the tiniest, cutest little squirrel you’ve ever seen, with the tiniest little nose LAURA: Oh my gosh, Trixie would love Sprinkle! My little crimson weasel pops out from the hood on my cloak DEBORAH: I let Trixie run down my arm, and they boop noses LAURA: Oh my gosh! DEBORAH: This is a very girly game today

MARISHA: Okay, I feel like we’re– SAM: I pull out my dead rabbit’s foot that I have I have this, too! It’s something LAURA: It’s so cute MARISHA: We’re letting the cuteness distract us! Why were you hiding? Sorry, sorry. Why did you feel the need to hide? What did you do? DEBORAH: Well, I’m really nice, but I don’t always make the best decisions MARISHA: I can relate DEBORAH: Right? MARISHA: I’m so nice DEBORAH: Totally. I don’t know. There was this really pretty thing, and this really bad guy was going to get it. I was like, that’s not fair, right? So I took it, okay. I took it. You don’t care, right? LAURA: What is the pretty thing? SAM: What sort of thing? DEBORAH: I don’t know, you guys. It’s kind of tricky LAURA: Okay SAM: Do you have it? DEBORAH: Yeah. I look at you all. I say: I never let it leave my side. I turn around and go in my bag, and I’m digging through my bag. I’m like: It’s not this, not that one. I’ve got all these little trinkets of things, even little drawings that I’ve made and stuff like that. They’re little houses and clouds and stuff. I pull out this thing, and it’s a sphere. It’s made of all these intricate little puzzle pieces. I’m like: See, I can move it around, but I’m not quite sure what it does. But it’s clearly really pretty LAURA: Can I touch it? MATT: In her gnomish hands, this is pretty large From your perspective, it would be about that big, but for her it seems even that much bigger. It’s a brass and golden sphere that consists of many layers of intertwining clockwork, sliding hemispheres, rotating bands, and strange inscriptions. It’s this massive, complicated mess of contraption, puzzle, sliding pieces LAURA: Does it seem magical? MATT: Make an arcana check LAURA: Whoa. That’s cocked. Ooh SAM: Amazing roll LAURA: 19 MATT: 19. While she holds it out to you, parts that she’s not touching are shifting slightly to where it has a clockwork feel. But then you don’t see any gears in the parts that are shifting They’re sliding naturally, with a very faint whir You can tell there’s probably some magic involved, but it’s a combination of clockwork and magic SAM: It’s just that we’re surrounded by gunpowder down here, so maybe not right now DEBORAH: I’ve been playing with it for weeks Don’t worry LAURA: Have you solved it? Is it a puzzle? DEBORAH: No, but it can do this. Can I do the thing? MATT: You may DEBORAH: I put my hand on one side, and I pull back one ring. As it pulls around across, at the same time, I click another one to the side. It slides around the side and– MATT: As the last part clicks into place, there’s a (whir, puff), a burst of light. About 15 gold coins go (clanging) to the ground in front TALIESIN: That’s how you get a Pinhead, man Nope (laughter) LAURA: Wow, we have gold coins. Is it real gold coins? Is it fake gold coins like you and Caleb did? MATT: You crack a tooth SAM: Didn’t need that one. It’s real! LAURA: Wow, that’s the coolest thing ever. We just have this lame old dodecahedron SAM: Don’t show her that DEBORAH: Oh, you’ve got cool stuff too? SAM: We do DEBORAH: I showed you my stuff LAURA: She showed her stuff SAM: I can’t argue with that, either MARISHA: Okay, I got– ah, it’s happening LAURA: We have this thing that, if you look really hard at it, you have a special gift. You should look at it MATT: What she reveals, as she pulls out of this bright pink satchel, this colored leather satchel she has, is this dodecahedron shape that has gold trim around the edges and these handles. It looks like a gray quartz, and it has a very faint hum to it. It seems to glow in a rhythmic, heartbeat fashion. It has this very strong presence, and the air around it has its own subtle vibration LAURA: If you want to look at it, that’s cool DEBORAH: Yeah, okay. I lean over it, and my eyes are huge, twice the size of my head. Not twice the size, sorry. They take up half my head TRAVIS: Holy shit! DEBORAH: They take up the whole top half of my face LIAM: That’s pretty freaky, too DEBORAH: Like the big-eyes pictures. I’m looking into it, and my eyes are reflected back off the thing. I stare, and I let it wash over me MATT: Which, as you do that, you feel this gravitational pull, your essence drawn towards it Your peripheral blurs and darkens. Within, you feel like you’re leaning into it. It’s no longer

an object; it’s like a pool of water, and you cross the surface, and it’s warm. Past that, in the darkness, you see stars, an endless sea of stars drifting towards you and past you. You look ahead, and you can see other little shapes. You look at them, and they’re you. They’re little ghosted versions of Twiggy. They’re all going in different directions, and some of them fade, and some of them are created. Two of them join and create a new light and go in a separate path. In that moment, you see this single, glowing, warm light that appears and presents itself to you DEBORAH: I totally reach out and touch it MATT: As you reach out and put your hand towards it, it merges with your hand. The warmth carries through your wrist and forearm DEBORAH: I giggle MATT: It gives this warm, interior hug-type sensation. As you close your eyes to relish in it and open them again, you’re back on the boat with them LAURA: When you open your eyes, I’ve got the thing, and I’m totally fucking with it (laughter) LAURA: It’s pretty cool, huh? SAM: No, we should really have Caleb look at this He’s much smarter than any of us down here DEBORAH: I take it, and I roll it across the floor SAM: No! Beau, get it! Get the thing! Get the ball! LAURA: I put the dodecahedron back in the bag MATT: Okay. As a note, you have what’s called a Fragment of Possibility. For the rest of the day, anytime you have to make an attack roll, an ability check, or a saving throw, any roll with a d20, essentially, you get to reroll it. You get to roll an additional d20 and choose which of the two to take DEBORAH: Just once? MATT: Just once SAM: One luck DEBORAH: After I’ve rolled it, I can choose? MATT: Yeah DEBORAH: Cool! MARISHA: Hey, Twiggy. Now that you’ve looked at the fragment, you’re bonded to us, which means if you betray us, we’ll know how to find you DEBORAH: Oh, wow. Well, that sounds pretty serious! So cool with me. I like people. I like hanging out with people. I like trusting people So that sounds great LAURA: This is awesome SAM: These are all the right answers LAURA: We should go upstairs and show you to everyone else DEBORAH: I’d love to be shown. I have a dance! LAURA: Oh my gosh. I dance behind her DEBORAH: I turn around and my skirts goes flying up and everything LAURA: What is this? This is the best day in the universe! TRAVIS: Does she still have chocolate all over her face? DEBORAH: Oh, totally. As we go up to the next level, I take you to my box where I’ve been living for the last week. It is filled with apple cores and chocolate wrappers and stuff MARISHA: Is there– SAM: A stench of urine? MARISHA: Yes DEBORAH: As you say that I go: Oof. I motion to a corner in the back, and I was like: I’m surprised you guys didn’t notice that earlier. It’s pretty bad over there SAM: That’s my bad. I’m down here a lot. I thought it was me TRAVIS: Real perceptive, rogue SAM: Let’s go introduce you to the others DEBORAH: Oh, but I’m a little shy. Who am I meeting? LAURA: You’re meeting Fjord, and you’re meeting Caleb, and you’re meeting Caduceus, and you’re meeting Yasha SAM: Okay, so they’re all big. They’re all bigs DEBORAH: I’m little LIAM: Which one of these two is taller? MATT: Actually, probably even keel between the two of you DEBORAH: Nice! We should come up with a dance SAM: Sure, yes. Yes, we can choreograph something We’ve done that before DEBORAH: Have you? LAURA: Yeah, it’s something like this. Then you do this DEBORAH: You’ll have to teach me LAURA: Yeah. It’s a lot of wiggling of your hips, and it looks pretty cool SAM: No, they’re all big, so don’t be intimidated One of them is a big cow man, but he’s cool LAURA: He’s got pink hair; he’s really pretty SAM: There’s a stony-faced, harbinger of death-type lady LAURA: She’s got wings that are so magical SAM: She’s pretty cool, though. She’s cool. She likes flowers DEBORAH: I like flowers! I dig in the back of my hair into a rat’s nest, and I pull out a really old, wilted, dying flower LAURA: See, Yasha will love that because it’s dry like that SAM: I do the same. I also put flowers in my hair sometimes LAURA: That’s really cool DEBORAH: Best friends! SAM: Well, I mean, I don’t want to– LAURA: No, it’s fine. You guys can be best friends SAM: No, no! I think she meant all of us. I think she meant all of us. It’s okay. You can be– DEBORAH: We put the flowers behind her ears They’re really old and wilted LAURA: Thanks, you guys MATT: At this point, around the side, Marius LePual has walked down into the center of the ship and is standing there. “Who the fuck is that?” LAURA: Our new best friend DEBORAH: Twiggy! MARISHA: Marius, please god, save me. Marius, let’s go

MATT: “You’re all scaring me right now. I’m going to go lay down.” DEBORAH: I’ll follow them up MATT: Okay, you guys all make you your way back up to the deck of the Squalleater. As you hear the footsteps rising, you look back to hopefully hear information about how things went down with the supposed sound and stowaway. Instead, you see them arrive with Twiggy DEBORAH: (sings a riff) TRAVIS: What is that? MARISHA: That’s what we found LAURA: (singing) She’s so cute. This was downstairs. She’s the cutest ever TRAVIS: Is that mud on her face? SAM: That’s chocolate TRAVIS: Chocolate DEBORAH: Mm-hmm. You want some? MARISHA: This is Twiggy TRAVIS: Twiggy LAURA: This is Captain Tusktooth. He runs the ship DEBORAH: Oh, wow, thank you so much TRAVIS: You can call me Fjord. That’s not necessary DEBORAH: Captain Fjord! TRAVIS: Sure. Captain Fjord works DEBORAH: Fjordy. Fjord and a half TRAVIS: This is Caleb DEBORAH: Fjorda people SAM: Caleb is very smart, and he’s good with magic. He can probably determine what you’re carrying, what that ball was that Beau has now LIAM: Who– what– how– why are you on the boat? DEBORAH: Just hanging out! Going for a trip, you know? Seeing the world SAM: It seemed legit MARISHA: I call Caduceus over. Caduceus? LIAM: That clarifies that, okay MARISHA: We found a Twiggy DEBORAH: Found a Twiggy! MARISHA: She was hiding SAM: From bad people. Unspecified, so far MARISHA: She stole this DEBORAH: I was a little bit bad, but just a little SAM: Oh, you did something to deserve this? DEBORAH: No, I took it. That’s all TRAVIS: Yasha walks over, and bends over at the hips, and puts her eyes right in front of Twiggy I like her. She walks away TALIESIN: I’ve got nothing, man. I don’t even know LAURA: Fjord, can I talk to you for one moment, please? TRAVIS: Sure LAURA: We walk away. Just so you know, I think she’s really cool, and I don’t think anything is wrong with her. I think she’s the best thing in the universe TRAVIS: Yeah, I can tell LAURA: But in case you’re trepidatious, because I can see on your face that maybe you are a little– TRAVIS: That’s my emotion LAURA: — I do have Zone of Truth TRAVIS: Fair enough. How old is she? DEBORAH: Twiggy is doing spins, whirling dervish in the background TALIESIN: How much chocolate have you been eating? And for how long? Whoa. Oh, wow TRAVIS: Aren’t you worried that her parents are wondering where she is, or her family? LAURA: Oh, well, I didn’t wonder about that. I wasn’t worried, but I guess I should TRAVIS: We’re in the middle of the ocean, Jester LAURA: Okay, but her parents were probably pirates if she was stowing away. (gasps) Twiggy! DEBORAH: Yes? LAURA: How long have you been on the ship? DEBORAH: This ship? About a week LAURA: About a week MARISHA: This ship? DEBORAH: Mm-hmm. Oh, sorry. Yep, took another one before. I don’t know, kind of a habit MARISHA: Where are you from? DEBORAH: Far, far away. I’m from far, far away MATT: Port Damali DEBORAH: Port Damali SAM: That’s not– DEBORAH: It feels far when you’re little and you’ve been living in a box LAURA: It’s pretty far, actually TRAVIS: I’m actually from Port Damali DEBORAH: Well, howdy there, neighbor TRAVIS: Well, howdy there. What a coincidence This is so crazy. Are you trying to get anywhere in particular? DEBORAH: Nope, just was trying to get away from Port Damali TRAVIS: I understand that LAURA: Are your parents there? DEBORAH: Nope, no parents SAM: No parents? You’re an orphan? DEBORAH: Oh, they died a while ago SAM: So you’re an orphan for a while? DEBORAH: Yep! TALIESIN: How deep are these waters? I’m trying to figure out how much of this is– obviously, a lot of this is bullshit MATT: Make an insight check TALIESIN: All right SAM: Bullshit? What are you talking about? She’s the greatest person in the world TALIESIN: 22 MATT: Is there anything you want to whisper to him? Feel free to TALIESIN: Yeah, even just general vibe DEBORAH: I’ve honestly been very honest TALIESIN: All right, everything’s been– DEBORAH: But– TALIESIN: A little omission maybe? LIAM: I am halfway through Identify on this clockwork gizmo MATT: Okay SAM: Oh, she is whispering something dndbeyond.com/criticalrole, let them know that you came from us. Give them some love TALIESIN: All right TRAVIS: Wow, okay TALIESIN: I honestly think we need to feed you something that isn’t chocolate DEBORAH: Woo! MARISHA: You’re a gnome, right? DEBORAH: Yep MARISHA: Don’t gnomes live for a pretty long time? DEBORAH: Yeah MARISHA: So you could actually be fairly old– DEBORAH: Who knows! MARISHA: — and look pretty young. You don’t know You don’t know how old you are DEBORAH: As you see me walk through the shadows, in shadow I could be 60 years old, but when I step out into the light it’s like, seven! TRAVIS: Wow MARISHA: Fascinating. I don’t think she’s as young as she seems

TRAVIS: Were you by yourself, Twiggy? There’s no one else we have to worry about pissing in the corner of the boat, do we? DEBORAH: No one that I know of LAURA: Except for Trixie! TRAVIS: Who’s Trixie? DEBORAH: It’s okay! Don’t worry, they’ll like you! They like me! TRAVIS: Who are you talking to? SAM: She’s got a rodent in her pocket TRAVIS: A rodent? DEBORAH: This is Trixie! TRAVIS: What the fuck is that? Goddamn chinchilla? What is it? TALIESIN: That’s a squirrel. I know that one SAM: It’s a squirrel DEBORAH: It’s a little squirrel TRAVIS: I don’t trust squirrels; they’re tree rats TALIESIN: Squirrels are great LAURA: They’re wonderful, Fjord TRAVIS: You just keep it to yourself DEBORAH: That’s okay. Trixie likes it in my pocket MARISHA: He has an octopus SAM: Sometimes a cat, so be careful with your squirrel around his cat DEBORAH: Trixie’s very wily TRAVIS: Jester, can I put you in charge of keeping an eye on Twiggy? Twiggy, we’re going to the Bisaft– what is it? MATT: Bisaft Isle TRAVIS: Bisaft Isle. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that area. We need some repairs, and then hopefully you can find your way from there DEBORAH: Sure. Thanks! MATT: So you’re concentrating on–? LIAM: I was doing a ritual casting of Identify as soon as the thing was in my hands and not talking to anybody MATT: Okay, so continue while you’re doing that LAURA: Let’s sit down. I’ll show you how to draw the perfect dick DEBORAH: (gasps) Perfect! TRAVIS: Caduceus, could you make sure that she gets some real food? TALIESIN: I was just about to go get something with something that’s not chocolate in it. That’s probably for the best. I’ll be back. Oh, boy MATT: Caleb, as you finish the ritual, your vision crystallizes on the object. As part of the Identify, the information that would transition to you fails SAM: Oh, shit! MATT: You’ve tried to Identify non-magical objects before, and been like, oh, this isn’t magical This blocks you MARISHA: Interesting TRAVIS: Interest intensifies! LIAM: What is this thing that you have? What is this called? Does it have a name? DEBORAH: I don’t think it was on the card. I call it my fun ball of tricks SAM: Happy fun ball? DEBORAH: Happy fun ball MATT: Do not solve happy fun ball DEBORAH: Must solve happy fun ball LAURA: Where did you get it from? LIAM: Yeah, did you make it? Did you get it from someone else? DEBORAH: No, it was sitting somewhere, and I was like, this is cool! LIAM: In a museum, or–? DEBORAH: Kind of, yeah. It was on a little pedestal, and people were looking at it, and it had a little card on it. Then I saw this guy, and I was like, he’s a mean man, and I said– SAM: Was he the docent or something? DEBORAH: No, he wasn’t wearing a uniform or anything SAM: Why did you think he was mean? What gave off that impression? DEBORAH: (whispering) I’ve seen him before SAM: You know him? DEBORAH: Yeah SAM: Oh DEBORAH: He’s a rascally man LIAM: What’s his name? DEBORAH: His name? LIAM: Yeah DEBORAH: Sir Cadigan LIAM: Sir Cadigan? That’s a good name MARISHA: Was this in Port Damali? DEBORAH: This was in Port Damali. You are smart LAURA: Do we know of any museums or places with magical items in Port Damali? MATT: Make a history check. Low DC, since you’re relatively local LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: There’s not so much in the way of museums, per se, but there are collections. There are collectors, and those are usually private and invite-only through mutual merchants and nobles and people of affluent nature. But there are two auction houses where a lot of these items are sold and traded by these collectors. One exists in Port Damali. It’s called the Exalted Collection Auction House SAM: The Exalted Collection LAURA: I don’t know how to spell exalted SAM: You can copy off of me LIAM: Well, Twiggy, tell me. This happy fun ball of yours, what does it do? DEBORAH: Well, it makes money, for one LIAM: How much money? DEBORAH: Depends where you touch it SAM: She made 15 gold pieces down there out of nothing LIAM: That’s a Frumpkin and a half DEBORAH: This is true. I’ve heard of these frumpkins. I’m just kidding; I don’t know what that is LAURA: That’s his cat-octopus. Owl, also owl LIAM: Sometimes a spider and other things as well This does other things besides making money? What else does this do? DEBORAH: I’ve played with it a lot, and all kinds of little flashes and things go off LIAM: Okay TALIESIN: I’m coming up with a veggie plate, by the way, the sort of things you’re embarrassed your parents bring up, and putting it down DEBORAH: Twiggy goes: Yum! And digs right in TALIESIN: Do you have any future plans here? Is there something that you’re moving towards? Do you

have a place that you’re heading, a goal, anything? DEBORAH: I like making friends TALIESIN: That’s great DEBORAH: I go around looking for friends. I give my most winningest smile TRAVIS: That is heavily disarming TALIESIN: You’re doing great, then. But there’s a direction, a cardinal direction that you’re making these friends in, or do you–? DEBORAH: Things just sort of happen to me MATT: Make a perception check DEBORAH: Sometimes I do things, and then I end up somewhere. I go where the wind blows LIAM: 21 MATT: As you’re inspecting this, there are sections of it, Rubik’s Cube-esque, where you have to rotate an area to allow another part to rotate, and there’s a strange order to these. One, for things that should be rotating freely, there’s a consistent resistance to it. You also notice, between the seams where all of these pieces of metal overlap, where there’s a slight gap, if you manage to hold it in shadow or put shadow over it, there’s a very faint blue-green glow that barely peeks through each seam from the inside of this sphere. There definitely is magic. You’re a smart guy. You’re starting to look it over. You’re like, some of these patterns, maybe could figure it out You do notice that a lot of the strange inscriptions on it appear to be complicated variations of basic conjuration glyphs. None that you’ve seen, but you can see the similar shapes, the similar equation-type connection between these glyphs LIAM: That would explain the money, yeah? MATT: There is a strong conjuration element all across, and very minute, impossibly small engraving across the metal LIAM: Can I tell how old this thing looks? MATT: No idea. All the metal’s pretty well kept It’s pretty polished. There’s a couple of errant smears of chocolate caught in some aspects of it, a few sticky fingerprints in some areas TRAVIS: It’s like the worst controller you’ve ever picked up at your friend’s house. You’re like, oh Chocolate and Cheetos and all sorts of shit LIAM: Cheeto dust sprinkles out LAURA: Maybe it’s like a piggy bank or something Maybe it holds a certain amount of coins, and you have to turn it the right way. Can you hear coins? LIAM: No, I don’t hear anything LAURA: Maybe they’re really jammed in there good Maybe it’s because there are so many, they don’t shake around LIAM: Is it limitless? Does it make money all day long? DEBORAH: Yeah, every time I twist it in that one way, it’ll make money drop LIAM: Can you show me the one way? LAURA: How much money do you have down in the box? Because that’s a lot of times! DEBORAH: Who needs money? LIAM: Excuse me, one moment. Twiggy? DEBORAH: Yes? LIAM: Would you show me how you make money with it? DEBORAH: I take it back, and I sit down, and I cross my knees. I put it in my lap, and it’s like this giant beach ball. I do this same movement where I pull it from the top around so that it opens up, and then I can use my thumb. You see my fingers are actually long and slender and perfectly suited for this. It pushes around the other side, doing the same movement I did before MATT: This time, (puff), you see this flash of white light, and eight gold coins clank to the surface of the ship TALIESIN: Oh, would you look at that LIAM: May I see that one more time? DEBORAH: I roll it across the floor to him Catch! LIAM: From perfect memory, I duplicate what she just did MATT: Okay, (puff), white flash. Four gold coins LAURA: Oh, it’s half every time LIAM: Well, I take them TRAVIS: 15, eight, four DEBORAH: I pick up the eight, and I say: You want those? LAURA: Oh, Nott already took them DEBORAH: The eight that came out when I did it the first time MATT: Yeah, Nott already took them DEBORAH: Oh, you already did. Okay, so never mind I missed it TALIESIN: You mind if I take a look at that really quick? LIAM: Yeah. I walk it over to him. Here you go TALIESIN: You can roll it. It’s all right LIAM: No, I don’t think that’s a good idea TALIESIN: I’m going to try to move some stuff and see what happens MATT: Roll an investigation check TALIESIN: Oh, man. Awesome. Oh, no, damn, it was almost a natural one. I’m so sad. That’s a six MATT: Okay. You find one section that shifts, following suit with her, and it sticks. Yeah, you’re not getting anywhere DEBORAH: It’s hard TALIESIN: Huh. That’s really cool, though. I imagine doing that all day. That’d be great. Yeah, I can imagine doing that all day DEBORAH: Welcome to my world TALIESIN: Wow. Rolls really well, too. I’m sorry, I don’t actually even remember why I asked for it DEBORAH: I pick it up and do that basketball thing TALIESIN: Oh, that’s fancy LIAM: What are we going to do with this little kid and/or old lady?

TRAVIS: Well, I think we’ll take her to the island and then, obviously, give her a chance to continue her adventure LAURA: She can stay with us forever TRAVIS: Well, now, Jester, look, I loved Kiri as much as the next person. So much, just, mm LAURA: Yeah, Kiri’s wonderful TRAVIS: Yeah, so great. But I also don’t want to be responsible for anyone that can’t take care of themselves LAURA: You can take care of yourself. She made a hand. Can you do cool things? TRAVIS: She made a what? MARISHA: Yeah, it was super freaky, actually TRAVIS: Are we forgetting to describe things that are of import on this ship? She did what? SAM: She has a bit of magic DEBORAH: At this point, I walk up to you and I say– oh, no, I walk up to you. I say: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? LIAM: Oh no, don’t you dare DEBORAH: Ten tickles! And I cast Hideous Laughter MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw LIAM: It’s an 18 DEBORAH: So it doesn’t work, but I go: Funny, huh? LIAM: Yeah, I’m not a happy guy TRAVIS: I wanted to see a Caleb laugh so bad MATT: I know! TRAVIS: Oh my god! Like some horrible crash DEBORAH: It’s an octopus joke! LIAM: (awkward, forced laughter) TRAVIS: Okay, so she’s not entirely invalid LAURA: Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: What? SAM: He’s assessing his new crew. This is what a professional captain does TRAVIS: That’s right. Jester, you would not want guilt over bringing in sweet Twiggy here to what could be certain doom. That’s what we do; we seek out certain doom DEBORAH: Sounds fun! TRAVIS: Yeah SAM: Just to allay some of our fears, were people actively pursuing you and chasing you when you got onto this boat? And if so, how many? TRAVIS: Tell the truth, now DEBORAH: Oh, I always tell the truth. Mom and Dad said, very important to always tell the truth SAM: May they rest in peace DEBORAH: Thank you. To be perfectly honest, yes There were quite a few people chasing me. But I’m super fast. Not really, I’m just really sneaky SAM: Do you think they might still be chasing or tracking you or wanting to find you? DEBORAH: Hadn’t really thought about it SAM: Ooh. That’s not great TRAVIS: Well, you said you got that nice little sphere there; anything else we should know about, maybe? DEBORAH: Fun ball of tricks! TRAVIS: Fun ball of tricks, yes. I will not forget again. Anything else we should know about that people might wish they had instead of you? DEBORAH: That’s all I’ve got right now, but I do have sticky fingers. I hold them up, and they’re covered in chocolate MATT: Who’s got the sphere? TRAVIS: Caduceus had it last DEBORAH: He’s had it. We’ve been playing, and I twirled– TALIESIN: There was a twirl, and it went back LIAM: Do you have any prospects? Any long-term plans, goals? Where do you see yourself in a year, let alone a week from now? DEBORAH: Hanging out with you guys! LAURA: Yes! Best answer ever! TRAVIS: Oh, great LIAM: What about Kiri? LAURA: What about Kiri? LIAM: What about Nott? LAURA: What about Nott? We’re all friends. What about Cali? We all love each other so much MARISHA: I’m a little confused at your implication as well TALIESIN: I’m going to Detect Magic to get a– DEBORAH: On me? TALIESIN: Yeah DEBORAH: Detect Magic! MATT: There is a powerful magical essence emanating from that sphere TALIESIN: Okay. No one’s got anything sitting on her? MATT: A different kind of magic, but comparable to the dodecahedron in some ways TALIESIN: Okay. Same vibe MATT: Yeah, and there is two faint magical auras on her person SAM: (whispering) She’s holding! DEBORAH: Would he know? Could he be able to tell? MATT: He would be able to tell if there was something magical on your person. He wouldn’t know any more than that SAM: Caleb would know TRAVIS: Jester, I’m going to leave you in charge of Twiggy, all right? We’ve got to make for this island. You keep an eye on her. I don’t want to see any chocolate thumbprints in my quarters, you understand, Twiggy? DEBORAH: Done TRAVIS: Okay TALIESIN: Those were all over it, then TRAVIS: All right, you’re in charge LAURA: Hey, don’t steal from us, okay? DEBORAH: Nope! LAURA: Good. See, we’re good! MARISHA: As Fjord gets the boat going, I follow after Fjord SAM: I’m going to, seeing as how she said there are folks chasing her, as we get going again, go up to the crow’s nest, and do a scan with my awesome perception, and see if there’s any boats trailing us

MATT: Make a perception check as you clamber up to the top of the crow’s nest and glance over the horizon SAM: 11 MATT: Looking off in the horizon, you currently don’t see any ships that are immediately pushing into the territory. You’re following Fjord MARISHA: Do you need help getting the boat– ship sailing? Ship moving? Whatever TRAVIS: Yeah, of course. Feel free to lend a hand MARISHA: Am I the only one that’s not beguiled by her charms? Twiggy? TRAVIS: No, you’re not the only one. I don’t trust that shit MARISHA: Me neither. Anything that cute– TRAVIS: That saccharine? Yeah, you need some salt to balance that shit out MARISHA: Have you ever noticed that pomeranians are the nastiest dogs you’ve ever met? TRAVIS: What’s a pomeranian? MARISHA: They’re poofy. They’re super adorable They’ll eat your face SAM: I run over to them and say: Oh, Twiggy just did this thing with her tongue where she made it into a circle. It was really great; you’ve got to see it later! DEBORAH: Not everyone can do it! SAM: It’s really cool TRAVIS: Maybe we throw her overboard MARISHA: That’s a solid option. Like a Plan D TRAVIS: When you were down there with her, did she try any shady shit? MARISHA: She definitely has some magic capabilities. She cast this illusion that made her hand look like it was extending. I think it was supposed to be cute, but you know that uncanny valley? It was a little weird. It’s unsettling TRAVIS: Right. Okay MARISHA: Hey, I have another question TRAVIS: Yes? MARISHA: Since you’re captain now, right? You’re captain? TRAVIS: Apparently MARISHA: Will you train me to be your first mate? TRAVIS: Yes. Yes, I will MARISHA: Really? Okay TRAVIS: Are you up for it? Lot of responsibility You’ve got to, like, co-sign for the boat and shit MARISHA: Yeah, okay TRAVIS: Shake on it? MARISHA: Deal TRAVIS: All right, first mate MATT: It stings you a little bit. Your wound’s still fresh TRAVIS: Ah! Fucking Cobalt grip MARISHA: Sorry again for being a dick. I think I’ve been a little bit on edge with the boat TRAVIS: It’s all right, I’m kind of immune now. I just take it MARISHA: It’s really just a knee-jerk, it would’ve happened if it was anybody. You could’ve been a scarecrow, and I would’ve been like, “Fuck off, bro!” TRAVIS: I feel so special MARISHA: Okay, let’s go MATT: You do also know, as you’re heading into legal territory under the Clovis Concord, that you have a ship that is known and labelled as the Squalleater, as damaged as it is LAURA: Oh no! SAM: Change the name! TRAVIS: (burbling) That’s my call. (burbling) Forward deck SAM: The Squallbeater. The Balleater! LAURA: The Balleater! TRAVIS: We need to change it to the Balleater as quickly as possible. Nott, I need you to hang over the side of the ship with a paintbrush– LIAM: That’s going to draw attention to us TRAVIS: — inches above the water and change the name of the ship to the Balleater MARISHA: It actually works pretty easily! You just add a line, and then you paint over that TRAVIS: Can you do it? DEBORAH: I say: Don’t worry about it! Don’t worry! Again, this hand comes off of my own hand. I flick it, and it flies off and it comes and picks up the paintbrush. I lean over the side, and it goes down and starts to change your title for you, without having to risk his life LAURA: Wow. She can paint, too MATT: Roll a dexterity check for me SAM: I never remember to use it like that MATT: This is dexterity, to see how well you can paint it while upside down DEBORAH: Natural 20 TALIESIN: This is apparently a Mary Poppins musical act MATT: Apparently! Not only does she manage to entirely erase the beginning of the word “Squall,” but has beautifully calligraphied the B of “Ball” to where it looks almost like a set of balls, if interpreted that way. It has this nice sparkly border around it now. It’s like (singing) Balleater! It’s almost got jazz hands DEBORAH: Shadowed and decor MARISHA: I agree with Caduceus TALIESIN: Calligraphy’s very impressive LIAM: Is this regular paint or the magic paint? MATT: This is regular paint LIAM: That’s good! LAURA: As a side note, I am hiding my magic paint like whoa MATT: Good to know DEBORAH: It comes back up and it paints a mustache on me, and I go: Arr! TRAVIS: On who? DEBORAH: On me! TRAVIS: I thought it was on me! I was like, (yelps) SAM: Wow, that was very impressive! LAURA: That’s really good. That’s really, really good SAM: You’ve made some allies today with that TRAVIS: You’re a temporary pirate now DEBORAH: (gasping) My eyes get even bigger TRAVIS: It’s a great honor; don’t mess it up. What were you saying? LAURA: We should take the sail down

TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say we probably took stock of any colors we have that we can run up that aren’t associated with the Squalleater MATT: There are no colors on deck that aren’t associated with it. The only colors that are on deck were the colors that the ship previously sailed TRAVIS: We still have some fire damage on the boat, though? We’re going to play that. Our flag was burned LAURA: Our flag was burned by pirates SAM: We could paint a new flag with your brush LAURA: Yeah, but that’s a really big amount of paint to use for a flag MATT: Make a history check, Caleb SAM: Okay. Are you ever going to use that paint? LAURA: Yes, I am LIAM: 21 MATT: You keep thinking on that sphere. You’ve read about similar objects, especially the conjuration aspect of it, that are used as focuses, similar to a bag of holding, to maintain and contain things for powerful mages. Its construction makes you feel like it’s very old Probably pre-Calamity TRAVIS: Get the fuck out of here. What? That’s so old MATT: Pre-Calamity is 800 years, and there’s a whole era of very powerful magic– TRAVIS: Is it only 800? I thought it was 8,000 MATT: No, 800 years ago was the Calamity. Or a little over 800 TALIESIN: Caleb, just a second? Just thought you should know there’s a couple interesting magical auras on our new friend. I thought it would be impolite to point it out or to dispel anything. I try and respect people’s personal intentions, but if you feel the urge to do a little Identify at some point, that may not be a bad idea. I don’t know. Just to make sure that everything that’s there is meant to be there LIAM: Noted TALIESIN: I’m not getting a bad vibe off of this one, just a lot of sugar. Being held up for a while in a dark, confined space can make people a little loopy LIAM: I am also worried about traveling around– Well, I am not a fan of the name Balleater for this boat TALIESIN: No, I also agree. I think it draws an unfortunate amount of attention (laughter) LIAM: On a similar note, I feel like our new miniature friend will also draw attention TALIESIN: That’s fair. That’s a very fair point LIAM: Maybe I’ll have a chat with her, get us on the same page TALIESIN: I don’t know if she’s necessarily going to listen to you. She’s a little– LIAM: Sometimes people listen to me TALIESIN: That’s very true. You do have an air of authority. You do! Right now, I’m feeling really awkward about this whole conversation purely from your face. Your face has done nothing, and now I’m just– LIAM: Well, it takes two to tango. My palms are sweating at the moment TALIESIN: That weirdly makes me feel better. I’ll disengage straight up, then LIAM: I am going to find our little friend TALIESIN: That’s fine. I’m going to go over and cook something LAURA: Do you want to say we’re up in the crow’s nest? Is that a good place to be? Or would you like to be somewhere else? I know you’ve been below deck for a very long time DEBORAH: I’ve climbed up on those things, and I’m swinging back and forth on the ropes and the hooks on the main mast, wind in my hair MATT: As this is happening and you’re approaching, Caleb, you see Orly sitting there with his giant tortle arms looking up with his craned tortle neck, and going, “Hmm.” LIAM: How long has she been doing that for? MATT: “Far too long.” LAURA: I’m in the crow’s nest going: Twiggy? Twiggy, seriously, come back to the crow’s nest, though! DEBORAH: Five more minutes! TRAVIS: Oh no! LIAM: Bitte, a moment of your time, just to have a chat. You can keep swinging, but could you swing a little lower? DEBORAH: I jump. It’s really light and beautiful, almost like I couldn’t fall at all. You see me grabbing on the hooks like a little monkey. I fly down the mast and jump down so I can sit right next to you LIAM: All of that movement is making me nervous DEBORAH: Don’t be nervous! LIAM: Welcome to The Mighty Nein DEBORAH: (counting) That’s weird! LIAM: It’s sort of a running gag, but it’s our name

DEBORAH: I love gags! LIAM: You know, if you’re going to be traveling with us for a while, I have a few suggestions DEBORAH: Okay LIAM: So three. The first of them is probably when we get to land, it will be better if you kept a low profile because we sometimes cut a rough swathe wherever we go and I can’t guarantee that someone is not familiar with us. So I would hate for any danger to, you know– best not to call attention DEBORAH: No more friends. Don’t make any more friends LIAM: Well, just stick with us for a little while, and see how that works out DEBORAH: I love that idea LIAM: Okay. The second suggestion is that you should meet my cat, Frumpkin DEBORAH: I put my hand over Trixie, in my pocket LIAM: What’s the matter? DEBORAH: Does your cat like squirrels? LIAM: Oh, my cat is very well trained and will not hurt your squirrel. I promise DEBORAH: So is Trixie. (as Trixie) Yeah, I’m real good. (as Twiggy) Sorry. It’s me saying it! It’s not Trixie, it’s me saying it. (as Trixie) I’m crate trained! LIAM: I scarcely know what to do with you. We’ll get to the cat in a minute. I will so gladly introduce you to my cat because I’m very fond of him and love for people to meet him. But before we do that, the third suggestion is– and I cast Suggestion– I suggest you share any strange or unique or arcane objects or things even that are of threat with me just so I know that we are safe MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw DEBORAH: I have advantage on this LIAM: That’s rough DEBORAH: 14 LIAM: 16 MATT: So yeah, it takes effect DEBORAH: No worries. I scramble up to you and I try to sit in your lap LIAM: Oh, how about you just sit next to me? DEBORAH: I lean my head on your shoulder, and I say: Okay, so I have this little pouch. Out of my bag, again there’s feathers and fleece and all this sand and stuff I’m pulling out. I pull out a little cube and say: This is my achoo dust LIAM: Oh, put that back in your pocket DEBORAH: It goes back in my pocket, and then I go: You want to see something cool? LIAM: Always DEBORAH: I go and lift up my cloak and put it over my head. As I do that, another little Twiggy shows up right next to me, and when I move she moves. I go: Look! And we do a little dance for you LIAM: I put one of my hands through their heads DEBORAH: One of them, yes, it’s an illusion LIAM: Oh, that’s good DEBORAH: Yeah, people have a real hard time getting me LIAM: Yeah, I’m not going to try to do that DEBORAH: Yay! LIAM: Is there anything– LAURA: I’m watching from the crow’s nest MATT: Every time she goes into that pouch and opens it up, you can still see taking up a large portion of it, massively, like a distended backpack, is the slightly shifting clockwork of that sphere DEBORAH: I take my hood off and go: Neat, huh? LIAM: Yeah, the neatest. Do you have anything that is harmful or is it just those two things including your puzzle ball? DEBORAH: I say: Well, these can do some damage TRAVIS: Your hands? LIAM: Yeah, okay, well– MARISHA: These are registered deadly weapons DEBORAH: Don’t mess with me! LIAM: For what it’s worth, I apologize, and here’s my cat. I turn Frumpkin the first night on this boat into a cat and use the last of my supplies, so it’s Frumpkin the cat right now. That’s Frumpkin DEBORAH: That’s Frumpkin LIAM: He is best cat DEBORAH: Can I pet? LIAM: Of course. He’s already climbing up her shoulder DEBORAH: I pet him and it’s like: Ooh, I love your cat! Ooh, that tickles! LIAM: I tell him to do a blep. So he just does this– DEBORAH: And Twiggy goes– back LIAM: All right, you’re okay. You can hang out with Frumpkin for an hour (laughter) DEBORAH: Goody! I sit on the floor and Frumpkin and I start booping each other on the nose LIAM: I go and sit like 20 feet away and watch to make sure everything is on the up and up DEBORAH: And that’s eight hours on Suggestion? LIAM: Yeah DEBORAH: Okay MATT: Well, until the directed activity is completed LIAM: Well, if she’s shown me everything of arcane nature DEBORAH: I’ve shown you all the magic stuff on my person MATT: Then yeah, so Suggestion has worn off DEBORAH: I go: Pftt, I know that trick. I give you a high five. Down below

(laughter) MATT: Most awkward on-ship high five ever LIAM: We’re going to force perspective this shit (as Gandalf) Hello, Twiggy MATT: As your new compatriot for this journey seems to have, for the time being, accepted into your wings, is there anything else you want to do? TRAVIS: I’ll be showing Beau the ropes, first-manning the ship MATT: All right, so you’re getting that situated TALIESIN: I’ll be finishing up some stuff in the kitchen. I’m going to run by Caleb one more time to have a chat about what he saw. Just mention, we’ve got two magical spheres on board. The one’s like a clock thing– LIAM: Maybe three TALIESIN: Technically three LIAM: One is in Fjord’s gooch TALIESIN: I was thinking it’s like a clock. Maybe that means time– I don’t know if time’s passing, or something LIAM: Oh, I’m very curious about it. I would like very much to see if she’s willing to sell it or part with it somehow TALIESIN: Or at least let you take a look at it for a while or something. Maybe, I don’t know. It gives me a chill. Not sure LIAM: I was not paying attention. Has anyone said how long it is until we reach land? TALIESIN and LIAM: Three days MATT: From this point, a little over three days LIAM: Maybe she’ll lend it to me LAURA: I’m going to teach Twiggy all about The Traveler. He’s pretty cool DEBORAH: Cool MATT: So The Traveler, she explains to you in a very truncated way, is the being that she worships but talks with and taught her a bunch of things and they’ve been a friend. Anything else you want– LAURA: I feel like he would like you a lot, you know, because number one, he likes people that can be sneaky because it’s fun, right? And you can be sneaky DEBORAH: It’s the most fun ever! LAURA: Also, he has a cloak, just like you have a cloak. Really cool. Also, he always kept me company. I know you had a lot of time by yourself, right? So did I, and he always kept me company DEBORAH: Is he like (as Trixie) Trixie? LAURA: (as Trixie) He’s not quite like Trixie He’s more like (high-pitched) The Traveler! DEBORAH: The Traveler! LAURA: And he comes and he’s over here! DEBORAH: Oh, that’s cool! LAURA: But you can talk to him. You could try any time. He’s around, you know DEBORAH: Hello, Traveler! I don’t hear anything LAURA: Well, hold on! Give him a minute! Traveler, come on, I’m trying to bring somebody to you right now! DEBORAH: I’m trying! Maybe he doesn’t like me LAURA: No, he likes you a lot, I can tell DEBORAH: Okay LAURA: Yeah. Don’t worry. He’ll make himself known to you DEBORAH: Yay! TRAVIS: Oh my god SAM: You had mentioned briefly that some of Avantika’s men and helpers had been armed with firearms. If I scout around, is there any ammo aboard this ship? MATT: Make an investigation check TRAVIS: Shit, I totally fucking forgot about that The first time we got on the boat SAM: 29! Wait. 28 MATT: Doing a thorough pass on the crew’s quarters, the remnant of the crew that now is arrested or worse on the island of Darktow, yes You manage to scavenge up two boxes of firearm ammunition SAM: Any that fit the gun that I have? MATT: Yes, actually SAM: I stole a gun a while ago MATT: Yeah, from Hupperdook, I think it was, right? TRAVIS: I don’t think we were here SAM: Oh, you might have been– LAURA: No, we were around for it MATT: You manage to pull together 22 shots SAM: That fit my piece? MATT: That fit yours. There are a few others that don’t quite. They’re made for a larger rifle-type, but these particular iron balls will fit yours SAM: Like that? TRAVIS: No. That’s a kill shot SAM: Cool. Thanks MARISHA: Actually, going off of that, because I meant to do this last episode, did Avantika have anything fabulous in her wardrobe? TRAVIS: Oh, that’s right! LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we were opening her closet MARISHA: We were opening it up MATT: Oh yeah. There are plenty of coats, hats, scarves, all kinds of things. Most of them in a similar vein to what you see her wearing. Most of them are long coats with the sleeves removed, a high collar. Big, billowing scarves and cravats that are varying degrees of well kept. A lot of these she’s had for a long time and, as such, at sea, there’s weathering. Some of them have grown damp and have a little mildew at the very edges but have been scraped off multiple times, which

give it a cool look, but maybe a little bit of a musty smell LAURA: Mending! MATT: There’s a number of interesting outfits of a dead woman that you manage to scavenge MARISHA: I take one of her darker overcoats LAURA: The rest of the days I’m going to parade around the deck in her clothing. Different outfits MARISHA: Jester gives us a fashion show TALIESIN: This is dark. Even for me, this is dark MATT: Anything else? LIAM: This is still the same day, correct? MATT: Yeah. We can continue this journey to the second day if you want to, but it’s up to you LIAM: Yeah, hello, your hour is up, I need my cat back now DEBORAH: (sighs) Give him back LIAM: Okay. Maybe another day, though, you can see him again. I’m sorry that I used arcane trickery on you. May I borrow the Happy Fun Ball for a few hours, just to play with it? DEBORAH: Hmm, okay! I take it out of my box and I roll it to you MATT: (crashing) LIAM: If you want this to poop coins, I don’t think you should do that too much DEBORAH: I don’t know, never was a problem before LIAM: You’ve had it for a week? DEBORAH: Yes LIAM: Oh boy, oh boy, okay. I wander off with it to study it MATT: Make an investigation check DEBORAH: I put my head on his shoulder. What you doing? LIAM: I rolled a 16. Sometimes it takes a while for my mind to settle on truths, and I’m having a hard time thinking about it right– you know, maybe I will save this for later MATT: You rolled a 16, you said? LIAM: Ja MATT: As you’re saying this absentmindedly, you find another portion of it that previously was locked in place and wouldn’t move. You manage to rotate one band and all of a sudden it comes free and turns as well. You start shifting it a bit and, as you turn, a little cylinder extends a little bit, and you press on it and you hear (poof) There’s another burst, but this one has a dull blue color to the burst of light. Suddenly four cut jade pieces of stone appear and hit the ground DEBORAH: Whoa, it never did that before LIAM: Well, you just have to tinker with it a little bit. Holy cats LAURA: What! This is the best thing ever LIAM: I pick up the jade MATT: Each one’s worth about 100 gold, if you want to mark that down TRAVIS: Oh, shit. Upgrade! MARISHA: Are you still learning tattoos from Orly? LAURA: I know, I know, I know, that’s exactly where my mind went! LIAM: Are you looking to sell this, by any chance? DEBORAH: I don’t like money so much. What else you got? LIAM: So a good trade, you’re talking about DEBORAH: That could work LIAM: What about– I’m going to throw out some ideas here. I’m going to start spitballing, because I’m very curious about this. I love puzzles. What about some sort of mystical tattoo? DEBORAH: What would it do? LIAM: Many things DEBORAH: Many things? LIAM: I have been listening to my friend, Jester, speak of them a lot. All the time DEBORAH: I listen to her, too. She’s got a lot of fun stories LIAM: That is true. This one time, she watched an ant carrying a piece of bread six or seven times larger than it up stairs DEBORAH: Oh my goodness. I’ve never seen anything like that! LIAM: I’ve never, either, but I take her word for it because she’s on the up and up. Maybe you talk to Jester about a mystical tattoo. That’s one thing on the table. You could be an honorary member of The Mighty Nein DEBORAH: Oh! Well, that sounds fun. I like friends LIAM: I do, too DEBORAH: I go up, I put my arms around him and, if he’ll let me, I’ll kiss him on the cheek TRAVIS and LAURA: Aww SAM: That’s third base (laughter) TRAVIS: Instant death DEBORAH: Yes, make a saving throw LIAM: (gasping) DEBORAH: I take my sphere (laughter) DEBORAH: That’s my next character TRAVIS: Kiss of death LIAM: Thank you DEBORAH: Thank you for letting me play with your cat LIAM: Hey, you get the whole day DEBORAH: I chase after her, we go play, and you can play with the Fun Ball of Tricks LIAM: Danke sch�n MATT: Roll another investigation check, I guess LIAM: (singing) That was a fun time. Good. I’m short circuited from the kiss on the cheek. Yeah,

no, I know, it’s not helping! 22 MATT: From that place where you had it, you find one of the other grinding bands– it felt like sandpaper when you tried to move it– is now moving smooth, like it has no resistance, so you twist that one around and as you do, you hear this clicking sound. It fits into place. There’s another piece around that you hear give this very faint (creaking) sound. You look for it and you find it, and there’s a little knob. You turn the knob and as you do, another section opens up on one side, and then there’s this flash and you look over on the ground, and in the middle of the wood there’s a black hole about a foot wide LAURA: Oh, this is definitely Pinhead stuff DEBORAH: Whoa! I pick up the cat and I walk over LIAM: No! Have you ever seen this before? DEBORAH: No, this is all new to me LIAM: We don’t see through? MATT: No, you look and it’s just black TRAVIS: It’s just black? SAM: We can’t see the next deck? MATT: No SAM: Oh god DEBORAH: We should jump in. Jump in! LIAM: No, that is a very bad idea, Twiggy DEBORAH: (as Trixie) I would jump in! LIAM: If you want to make that arrangement with your squirrel, you are perfectly welcome, but my cat is not going in that hole. (foomph) For the moment. Something– Captain! TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll come running down. Yeah, what is it? MARISHA: And his first mate TRAVIS: You don’t have to announce it when you show up. Don’t yell your superiority. We’ll get you a shirt or something DEBORAH: I take out five ball bearings and drop them into the hole. You hear it hit? MATT: As you let go, they make no sound. They just disappear into it LIAM: And it’s traveling with the boat? LAURA: Am I still seeing from the crow’s nest all of this shit happening? MATT: No, you just see Fjord and Beau go down LAURA: What? What’s going on? LIAM: Is there any lumber? There’s no oars. Are there any rifles left on this boat, or anything long? TRAVIS: Rope? LIAM: Yeah, rope, is there rope? TRAVIS: I got 100 feet of rope LIAM: Let me borrow that. I’m flustered. I start lowering rope down in, maybe five or six feet MATT: Okay, it gets to about five or six feet LIAM: And I pull it back out MATT: Okay. It’s rope LAURA: It’s fine? LIAM: I don’t know that it’s fine. There’s a hole to nowhere in the middle of the boat that came out of Happy Fun Ball. What do you call this thing? LAURA and DEBORAH: Happy Fun Ball of Tricks! MARISHA: So it creates things. It creates money, it creates gems, and it creates holes to– TRAVIS: Put your hand in there LIAM: No, I am not going to put my hand in there TRAVIS: I’m reach down and put the tip of my finger in the hole MATT: Okay. Temperature feels a little colder, but it goes in TRAVIS: Just feels cool LAURA: Take your finger out. Is it gone now? TRAVIS: (yells) DEBORAH: Do another one, do another one! LIAM: I mean, at the very least we need to put a plank of wood over this so that nobody falls into it MATT: (foomph) It’s gone LAURA: Oh, it only lasts for a little bit. I wonder where it would have taken us? Was it big enough for us to go through? TRAVIS: Like a person-sized hole? MATT: It was about a foot across, so a smaller person, maybe, but a lot of you guys it would have been a tight squeeze. Not Caduceus at all LIAM: Fjord, First Mate Beauregard, I’m glad you’re here. I want to introduce you to the new honorary member of The Mighty Nein TRAVIS: Oh. My goodness. You must have proved yourself greatly MARISHA: Welcome to The Mighty Nein DEBORAH: Why thank you. We’ll be The Mighty Ten! No? That’s not how it works? TRAVIS: We vote on the name every couple of months, but it’s going to be a while DEBORAH: Oh TRAVIS: Well, she needs a hat LIAM: Yep. The bigger, the better TRAVIS: Every pirate needs a hat LAURA: Do you want one of Avantika’s hats? DEBORAH: Are they my size? LAURA: It would be really big on you DEBORAH: We put a hat on and it comes down to here. As I move, it slides across LAURA: I’ll tell you what. I will use my pretty paint to paint her a really cool pirate hat that is her size. Okay. It’s like this big DEBORAH: And it has the points on it LAURA: Exactly what you want, yes. It has the tricorn. And do you want feathers and stuff? DEBORAH: One big purple feather LAURA: You got it, one big purple feather MATT: She takes this couple of materials out and this pot of paint. As she paints with it, it begins to take shape and become a physical object, representative of what she drew

LAURA: Do you want any sparkly stuff on it, or a bow? Sometimes bows are really pretty DEBORAH: I have a feather already. Can you put a little squirrel? LAURA: Totally. It will be a squirrel figurine on this, next to the feather. It’ll be really pretty, okay. There we go. (poof) DEBORAH: (gasps) I take it, and I put it on, and I’m like: Now I’m a real pirate! LAURA: You look like a really good pirate DEBORAH: Thanks! LIAM: I will say, what we have learned on all our travels on the ocean is, the days are long and you have to make your own fun DEBORAH: Oh boy, you’re telling me MATT: The sphere is still locked in the place where you had it last, and there’s that one little knob that’s still visible from where it was. It seems like, with each stage that you’ve unlocked of this, it’s opened up another stage LIAM: It’s getting more pokey? MATT: A little bit LIAM: Less smooth and spherical? MATT: Less smooth, and there are more elements that are starting to protrude a bit LIAM: Does this thing, every day, sort of shrink back in on itself, or do you ever slide it back together? Or has it been getting more complex over time? DEBORAH: I’ve never gotten it further than that first stage, so I don’t know LIAM: Oh, okay MARISHA: Do it again LIAM: It took me a few minutes to– DEBORAH: (as Trixie) Do it again! LIAM: Oh, okay MATT: All you have to do is press on that to trigger it again LIAM: To press– oh. (clicks) MATT: (poof) That hole appears again TRAVIS: Same size? MATT: Same size, in a slightly different location MARISHA: Nott! SAM: What? MARISHA: Do you want to go in a hole? LAURA: (gasps) What if the hole disappears while Nott is still in it? TRAVIS: I’m sure it’ll be fine DEBORAH: I’ll take out my lantern, and I strike it so that it’s lit. I attach it to a string. I go and I start to lower it down the hole and see if it does anything MATT: As the lantern hits the darkness, the darkness consumes it like water. Once the lantern is submerged within the darkness, no light. You don’t even see the lantern DEBORAH: Then if I pull it up? MATT: Still lit LAURA: I feel like we should put our head through it TRAVIS: I think so, too, but you’ve got to do it quick because it’s going to stop real quick MARISHA: It’s still a foot? MATT: Mm-hmm TRAVIS: Do it, do it! LAURA: But do it really fast! SAM: I’m not doing that, no way! You’re crazy! MATT: It’s gone. It only lasts about a minute LIAM: You could have been decapitated, doing that SAM: Yes! Thank you MARISHA: Well, he says it lasts a minute TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s been about twice, a minute each time MATT: Each time it’s lasted about a minute, yeah MARISHA: When we’ve timed it! MATT: Both times, it’s been approximately the same length of time, close to a minute LIAM: Keen Mind, nah, it’s a minute TRAVIS: Jester and Beau, boulder-parchment-shears Figure out who’s going to put their head in and help us see it SAM: Why do we care what’s in the– oh, man LAURA: You have to do it! MARISHA: All right, I’ll do it LIAM: Are you readied? MARISHA: Yeah! TRAVIS: I’ll grab onto her britches as she’s doing it TALIESIN: I’m finally walking in because everybody has vanished off the ship, and no one is eating anything DEBORAH: You’re missing it! MARISHA: Caduceus, grab my feet, just in case TALIESIN: What are we– MARISHA: Just grab my feet TALIESIN: Okay, I like grabbing feet. Here we are LAURA: I’ll get ready with Cure Wounds MATT: The hole opens up SAM: It’s open! Go! MATT: You look inside; it’s darkness MARISHA: Drop me further! TRAVIS: Down to her feet MATT: Still darkness. You can put your goggles on, if you want MARISHA: Goggles, yeah! MATT: Put goggles on, and your face, as he pushes you down further, you hit something. It’s soft You pull back a bit and look, and there’s a pile of objects there LAURA: Take them! MARISHA: I grab a few! MATT: Okay. As you pull her out before she slips TALIESIN: Oh, yep, I’m on it MARISHA: Pull me back! MATT: As you’re pulling back, a few things start tumbling out of this thing. You grab them and pull them in. You pull out, and she emerges. You have this pile of reddish cloth, and a strange metal object of some kind, and a couple other things You pull the rest of them out that’s dangling in As soon as it does, the hole closes TALIESIN: Wow! That’s cool. Do that again LAURA: Oh my god, what if it’s a safe in another dimension? LIAM: What did you see? Could you see? MATT: You look at it. First off– TRAVIS: Do I look the same? MARISHA: What is my face? MATT: She’s pulling her tongue out TRAVIS: Start speaking in Latin MATT: First off, you hear (impacts) as two boots fall out of this pile of clothes she has, these really nice leather boots that are fur on the top They hit the ground. There’s a metal rod that looks like a staff that you hold and pull there The other thing is a bundle of this really heavy, warm, winter-coat velvet material. It’s a deep crimson-red color with golden trim on it. As you unravel it, there’s an embroidered symbol across the back of it. That’s the symbol, right there LAURA: Do we recognize it? MATT: You do not. You guys have never seen this before LAURA: That’s definitely an H with a bow SAM: Or it could be the tail of a whale or something LIAM: Beauregard, let me see this MATT: I mean, you’re looking at it there. There’s not much more to it than that

LIAM: But it’s on the coat, yeah? TRAVIS: There’s a watermark up here. I can see it It’s amazing! MATT: That watermark is part of the paper! It’s not part of the actual symbol TRAVIS: Oh, I don’t believe, Matt! I don’t believe it! TALIESIN: The fourth wall lies! LIAM: It’s the coat, it is boots, and the third thing was– MATT: It’s a metal staff. You look at it and it’s a metallic staff, about three to four feet long It has a seam in the middle of it, like it’s two pieces joined LAURA: Was there anything else in there? MARISHA: It was super dark. I hit a barrier. It felt like it was a barrier of stuff LAURA: What if this ball is somebody’s treasury or something? SAM: Or if it’s their pink haversack! LAURA: Yeah, that’s what I mean! They’ve been storing stuff in it LIAM: It’s a vault LAURA: (gasps) It’s a vault! MARISHA: Oh, shit TRAVIS: We’ve got to figure out what all this stuff is, first. I mean, just so it’s not a pole and a pair of shitty boots LIAM: Here, hold this. I give her the doohickus, and I say: I need 30 minutes. I gather up all this stuff, and I walk with it, very happily LAURA: I follow him and sit next to him MATT: We’ll say, for the sake of brevity, the boots are not magical. They’re just really warm boots. The cloak is not magical; it’s just a very warm cloak TRAVIS: With that symbol on the back MATT: With the symbol on it. The staff is faintly magical, and what it is is it acts like a hand warmer. You take the two parts, and you slide them together, and it clicks. The metal emanates enough heat to warm the hands of whoever’s holding it This appears to be a set of travel gear for whoever once might have had this LIAM: I also use an additional ten minutes to touch the coat and cast Comprehend Languages on this, see if it says anything MATT and LIAM: It’s a name MATT: Yep. Halas SAM: What is it? MATT: Halas. H-A-L-A-S LIAM: Well, we have just robbed Halas TRAVIS: Have any of us heard that name before? MATT: (disagreement) Mm-mm MARISHA: Do we know what language that name hails from? MATT: It seems to have some roots in Zemnian, but it’s a divergent element, so a name that hasn’t been used in a long, long time. Kind of like– TRAVIS: Archibald, or– MATT: Yeah, like Melchor. Things that are old historical names. In fact, roll a history check LIAM: Old magic. Natural one MATT: It slips from you. There’s something. You’re like, hmm TRAVIS: Beau, when you hit that buffer, did it feel hard and solid, or was it soft and earthen? MATT: Your face hit the cloak. You were like (impact) into this pile of soft, heavy material MARISHA: It was cloak and stuff TRAVIS: Did you find a portal into somebody’s wardrobe? MARISHA: It was cold in there. I don’t know. He’s saying that the staff heats his hands, and there was a cloak. Maybe wherever this haversack was from– MATT: A couple of ball bearings fall out of the cloak from what was dropped in there earlier LAURA: Oh, cool! DEBORAH: I collect them back and put them in my bag TRAVIS: Well, at least it’s the same place each time, so if it does close off, we at least know how to find you SAM: Sure. Why are you looking at me when you say that? TRAVIS: You’re going in SAM: No, I’m not going in! TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re really good at finding stuff DEBORAH: I’ll go in! If you don’t want to go, I’ll go, or I’ll go with you. Want to go together? SAM: Into somebody’s laundry bag? DEBORAH: Why not? SAM: All right MARISHA: It feels like someone was raptured, and we’re stealing their stuff. That’s what it feels like LIAM: Just roll with it, though SAM: I’ll take a big swig and get ready TRAVIS: When she was yelling on the other side of the portal, was there any sound that came between the two? Between the portal? Nothing? MATT: Nothing LAURA: Okay. I’m going to tie this rope around your waist, okay. Then this rope is going to tie around your waist, now, so you guys are tied together. Then we’re going to hold it up top Okay, you have a minute. If you start to go too long, we’re going to pull you up TRAVIS: Or if you’re ready to come back, tug twice on the rope DEBORAH: I hold his hand, if he’ll let me MATT: Her hand DEBORAH: Her hand, sorry. I hold her hand, if she’ll let me SAM: Of course. I squeeze it way too hard LIAM: Okay, are you ready? SAM: Yes LIAM: Eins, zwei, drei, (click) SAM: (yelling) MATT: One by one, you guys jump in, one after the other, and you both tumble in and hit a floor DEBORAH: Can we see anything? MATT: Looking around, you both have darkvision because gnomes. It’s a cylindrical chamber. It feels almost like a natural rock interior DEBORAH: Doors out, anything like that? Any exits? MATT: No. It’s just a little pocket DEBORAH: What do we see, what stuff? MATT: You see two other ball bearings you left behind, and that’s it. It looks like you’ve cleaned out what was in this pocket SAM and DEBORAH: Tug, tug! MATT: You guys emerge DEBORAH: That was so much fun! SAM: It was crazy down there. The lights, the monsters! TRAVIS: Really? SAM: It was insane! TRAVIS: You’re so brave! SAM: It was a parade of horrors TRAVIS: You’re full of shit, aren’t you? SAM: Yeah, there was nothing down there

LAURA: That was it? SAM: No, it was nothing. But it’s a lot of space, so if we wanted to store something for safekeeping, it’s a good spot to do it MATT: The area on the sphere where you’ve been pressing this button, you look and it’s freed another area as well that can continue to be solved LAURA: Yeah, do it! TRAVIS: As a note, the previous function of the sphere, we can access? Or is it one function at a time as it changes? MATT: As it looks right now, you need to shift it back to use a previous function. Each thing you slide unlocks the next use, but it closes off the previous one until you reverse it LIAM: Which I am memorizing MARISHA: I go to Fjord. You’ve told us about the Halas thing? LIAM: Yeah, sure MARISHA: Is this perhaps something to do with Sir Cadigan and Port Damali stuff? Do you know a Cadigan? Would I recognize the name Hadigas? MATT: You wouldn’t MATT: Cadigan MARISHA: No, Halas MATT: Oh, Halas? You roll a history check, too MARISHA: To see if this is his old stash MATT: Yeah, roll a history check MARISHA: That’s absolutely horrifying. Ten MATT: If they did teach it, you probably weren’t paying attention that day at the Archive, unfortunately DEBORAH: Would I know it in relation to Sir Cadigan, the person I took it from? MATT: Roll a history check SAM: Come on, Deborah LIAM: Somebody, come on, three rollers DEBORAH: 17 MATT: No. None at all. You’ve never heard the name Halas before, anywhere in Port Damali or in any of your travels, especially in relation to Sir Cadigan DEBORAH: I turn to everybody, and at first I go, (straining), nope. Sir Cadigan was a big old meanie, but I don’t think he had anything to do with this MARISHA: I mean, you’ve mentioned Sir Cadigan being a big old meanie several times. What did he do? Did you witness something? DEBORAH: (straining) Can’t remember. But I think I might be like this because of him LAURA: Like what? SAM: Adorable? DEBORAH: (as Trixie) A little weird! (as Twiggy) Sorry. She talks sometimes SAM: He made you socially awkward? DEBORAH: I remember it was really dark, and it was really long. I had nobody to talk to, so I made up all these people to talk to. Finally, when I got out, wow is it a big, beautiful world! I’m so glad I met you guys SAM: You were trapped somewhere? DEBORAH: Somewhere LIAM: Were you in this ball? DEBORAH: I don’t think so. It didn’t look like where I was. All I know, it was that big old meanie Sir Cadigan who put me in there LAURA and LIAM: What did he look like? DEBORAH: He’s twice my size. He’s very skinny. He wore this big ring with a green gem on it. I remember because he used to stick his fingers through the bars to scare me TRAVIS: How’d you escape? DEBORAH: I was really tricksy because I would sit there, and I would think, and I would practice all of my tricks. I was able to get him to watch my trick. He thought that I ran down that way, but really I was hiding in the back. I snuck out, and I ran the other direction. I was able to run, run, run! I’ve been running ever since SAM: This was in Port Damali? DEBORAH: Yes TRAVIS: It sounds real familiar LIAM: Why don’t you all take ten steps back, and we’ll see what this next hinge does? TALIESIN: I’m excited MATT: Okay, you all step back about ten paces Anyone want to help, or you going with your standard roll? LIAM: Oh, investigation for it, yeah MATT: Yep LIAM: Investigation, 21 MATT: Okay. That hole appears again. You’re unable to get past that point. You’re hitting a barrier, and you’re clicking it forward. There’s something about the puzzle that’s escaping you. You feel like you’re not quite– you’re on the cusp DEBORAH: Can I help him? MATT: If you want to try it again DEBORAH: Just try it again? Okay. Yeah, I’ll try it again. I come up, and I say: I’ve been practicing. Let me try MATT: If you want to, either you both can roll individually, or one of you can roll with advantage as you’re helping the other LIAM: I would give me the advantage, probably DEBORAH: I have a plus ten investigation LIAM: Oh, shit! TRAVIS: I have a plus ten! LIAM: I’m at plus eight. Yeah, sure MATT: As you hand the sphere over, holding the places, Twiggy goes in and takes hold of it. Both of you together begin to try and rotate and figure it out DEBORAH: I squint my eyes, and I look at it real hard, and I roll a 28 MATT: At that point, both together, Twiggy finds this small, rotating piece on the very edge that turns and turns. As it does, another cylindrical sphere slowly emits from it, like you’re rotating a pencil lead that pushes out DEBORAH: It takes three fingers to do it at the same time MATT: You twist it, and you push it in, and it actually pushes in about an inch and then clicks

inside, recessed. As that happens, a top part opens up a little bit. Caleb, you take that and rotate it. As it clicks into place, you hear (rising tone, whoosh). Flash of green light TRAVIS: Green light’s never good MATT: Fills the entire chamber. That’s where we’re going to go to break (yelling) TRAVIS: And they never come back DEBORAH: And we never return MATT: Well, that was a fun campaign, guys. It was a lot of fun TALIESIN: (English accent) Don’t touch it, Mum, it’s evil! SAM: Wow TRAVIS: How many times did you mess with it? Like six LIAM: Remember that sphere? TRAVIS: What’s it do? What’s it do? (explosion) MATT: I love it. Before we go to break, we have a giveaway. Our fantastic friends at Wyrmwood have this amazing dice tray to give away. It is the wenge dice vault with tiger maple inlay, that beautiful two-tone. This will be going to one of our fantastic victors to this. To enter, you have to head over to the Critical Role Twitch chat, that’s twitch.tv/criticalrole, and enter the word “stowaway.” Stowaway is the word. Enter it once; more than that, you’ll be disqualified. Once again, only for people in the US and Canada, excluding Quebec, because of stupid giveaway laws Anyway, we’ll have the winner when we come back We’ll see you in a few minutes MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Before we get into the game, we do have a winner. The winner of our fantastic Wyrmwood dice vault giveaway this evening is Antc_clueless. Congratulations on your complicated online name and your victory. We’ll get this sent to you ASAP. So a flash of green light energy fills the chamber. As it subsides, you all take a second to blink as the light is dimmer than it was on the inside of the ship Looking about, you are in a very dark chamber You’re no longer on the ship DEBORAH: All of us? MATT: All of you. Except for Yasha, because she was not nearby. This chamber is somewhat triangular, but the corners are curved. At each of these walls, between each curvature, there is a banner hanging about 12 feet off the ground on a brass rod. The banner hangs almost to the floor You see four pillars a little closer inside the chamber. Each banner is a different color. The ceiling’s about 15 feet high and there are two corpses on the floor nearby. Both long-dead and mummified, their skin paper-thin and pulled against their bones, their faces twisted in horror. You see the light gray stone walls and where these banners are, there are two on the side parallel to each other and two on the other. There is a red, a green, a blue, and a black. Each of these banners has gold embroidery down the sides and a gold embroidered symbol in the middle. The same symbol as the cloak that you found DEBORAH: Did the happy ball of fun tricks come with us? MATT: Nope LAURA: Oh no LIAM: I cast Mage Armor TRAVIS: All four symbols are the same on all four banners? MATT: Mm-hmm MARISHA: It was Hala? TRAVIS and MATT: Halas DEBORAH: Exits? Do we see any exits? MATT: No DEBORAH: Pedestals, are there anything on them? MATT: There are four pillars. They are smooth They appear to be either decorative or load-bearing, but there is nothing about them that catches your eye. If you want to take a closer look, you can make an investigation check, if you want SAM: Is the ground dirt, gravel, or stone? MATT: Stone as well DEBORAH: 12 MATT: Pretty solid and featureless TALIESIN: The two corpses, what can we ascertain about them? Are they wearing clothing? MATT: They are both wearing clothing DEBORAH: Naked TALIESIN: Nudists get trapped in here all the time MATT: There’s not much dust on them. Which means either it’s fresh or not a lot of dust to have collected LIAM: There’s no entrances or exits? MATT: From what you can see, none. Make a medicine check LAURA: Does it smell like death in here? MATT: There’s a faint aura or a faint scent, but either these corpses do not emanate a lot of smell, or it has faded in time DEBORAH: I send my Mage Hand out to move the blue banner aside to see if there is anything behind there

MATT: Okay. Just to give you guys a visual representation– SAM: Just to give us a visual LAURA: Right. Definitely won’t lead to anything DEBORAH: For the kids at home SAM: Guys, D&D Beyond LAURA: (singing) D&D! SAM: Check your Twitters and Giphys for the gifs that have already started pouring in. This seems legit MATT: Placing yourselves where you would like to be in here, if you don’t mind telling me where you’d like to be placed TRAVIS: Not in the middle, Matthew! TALIESIN: I want to be by the corpses. I rolled a 19 DEBORAH: I used my Mage Hand, so I need to be here TRAVIS: (singing) I want to be by the corpses TALIESIN: That was not a sick beat TRAVIS: Let it build LAURA: That was not a sick beat MATT: One here and one here LAURA: They’re not right next to each other. I pictured a lover’s embrace TALIESIN: Do they look like violently ended, or do they look like people who fell asleep and never got up? MATT: Their faces are twisted in a horrible expression of ghastly terror or pain, but you don’t see any wounds. Did you roll a medicine check? TALIESIN: Yeah, 19 MATT: Yeah, you don’t see any wounds or any gashes TALIESIN: They definitely got a look like they saw something wicked awful? MATT: Their last moments were probably pretty terrifying. You moved aside the– DEBORAH: With my Mage Hand, from far away MATT: The blue one? DEBORAH: Yes MATT: Okay. As it pulls behind, it reveals to be a statue that is embedded in the wall behind it. Up on hind legs with claws in front, you see a dragon made of stone, carved, wings blending up into the stone behind it. Its mouth open, its eyes these very bright sapphires embedded in its head Immediately as it opens up, the mouth lights up blue. Make a dexterity saving throw. And Caleb and Nott DEBORAH: I also have evasion MATT: Correct DEBORAH: Not good. Don’t do it MATT: What did you roll? DEBORAH: I rolled a ten MATT: Okay, still half damage LIAM: 13 MATT: Failure SAM: 25 MATT: You take no damage, Nott, as you dodge away The rest of you watch as this bolt of blue energy fires outward as a thick beam of electrical energy shoots across the room. It hits by and skims the front torso of Twiggy as she pulls out of the way You watch Caleb spin and take it straight to the chest as Nott ducks out of the way LAURA: Is this still the same day? It is. Okay SAM: But we have healed LAURA: Yeah MATT: Caleb, you take 18 points of lightning damage. Twiggy, you take nine TRAVIS: As Caleb flies backward, I’ll summon the falchion and take a defensive stance MATT: Okay DEBORAH: My hair stands on end a little bit from the electricity MATT: Okay. Also, make a concentration check DEBORAH: A concentration? MATT: For Mage Hand; I believe Mage Hand is concentration DEBORAH: It’s a cantrip MATT: Oh, no, it lasts for a minute. I’m sorry, you don’t need to. It maintains itself. That’s my bad DEBORAH: That’s okay TRAVIS: Did the burst that came from the blue make it all the way across the room to the green? MATT: It did. It went (crackle) across TRAVIS: It just detonated on the other tapestry? MATT: It hit the tapestry and dissipated. The electrical energy didn’t seem to impact or hurt anything DEBORAH: The Mage Hand’ll drop the cover back in front of that MATT: It covers the statue TALIESIN: Let’s take a minute before we– SAM: Don’t do that again! LAURA: I have an idea! What if we put on the red cape and then it does something if the statue behind the red thing sees it? SAM: Oh! Halas’ cape? DEBORAH: Do we have it? TRAVIS: In the haversack, right? LIAM: Yeah, I have it LAURA: Put it on, or something SAM: He’s hurt! DEBORAH: I’m so sorry LAURA: Caleb, are you okay? SAM: Yeah, Twiggy just hurt him DEBORAH: I’m so sorry! TALIESIN: Just going to do a quick Cure Wounds DEBORAH: Winning friends! TALIESIN: Just one. Oh, that’s good! Take 13 points of healing LIAM: Danke TALIESIN: Let’s take a second here LAURA: Who wants to put on the red robe? TALIESIN: I think we should– TRAVIS: I’ll do it SAM: It’s your ship TRAVIS: Yeah TALIESIN: I think we should talk to the locals before we do anything else TRAVIS: Who are the locals? TALIESIN: Oh, these fellows LAURA: The dead guys TRAVIS: Oh! Yeah, forgot you can do that TALIESIN: Oh, I can’t pick. Somebody else pick. I don’t know TRAVIS: Which one? TALIESIN: Yeah, I don’t know TRAVIS: The one closest to you TALIESIN: Yeah, okay. That’s level three, right? Yep, there we are MATT: Is anyone else adjusting their position, or are you staying where you are? LAURA: I’m going to make sure I’m not in line with any of the banners TRAVIS: Yeah, ditto that shit

LAURA: I’m going to step wide. Ugh, I can’t reach Sorry LIAM: The lightning came out of here? MATT: Yeah. It went (crackling) through the chamber DEBORAH: I’ll go with Jester, on the other side of that LAURA: Yeah, I’ll do this, right back here DEBORAH: Then I’ll be here; I’ll be next to that pillar SAM: Scoot me over somewhere, too, while you’re up there, Marisha MATT: Where do you want to go? SAM: Just near Fjord. Boom MATT: All right. Caduceus, the one nearest to you, you’re casting–? TALIESIN: Speak With Dead MATT: As you sit there for a second holding your staff, your shield strapped over the arm, your hand goes down. You close your eyes and focus, and the corpse on the ground staring off, its eyes dull and the pupils smoky and gray, breathes in its chest, seems to inhale, and it holds the air there, awaiting your questions TALIESIN: I’m so sorry, friend. You have one more task to perform before we can let you rest. What killed you? MATT: “The wailing creature.” TALIESIN: The wailing creature. What color was the curtain the wailing creature hid behind? MATT: “Onyx black.” TALIESIN: Good to know. How did you end up here? TRAVIS: Yes! Thank you, Taliesin! MATT: “We had found an object and toyed with it.” SAM: Just like us LIAM: Did any of his friends get out? TALIESIN: What’s the name of that– SAM: Halas? TALIESIN: What does the name Halas mean to you? MATT: “Nothing.” TALIESIN: Well, that’s no help MATT: Four questions; you’ve got one more LAURA: Oh god! SAM: Did anyone escape? TALIESIN: Do you know how to get out of here? MATT: “No.” That final bit of trapped air in the lung escapes and it falls to stillness once more TALIESIN: I’m going to give him a little pop and seed him for later MATT: Okay, so you’re casting Decompose on him? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm DEBORAH: Nice trick! TALIESIN: Thank you. Well, that was a little helpful SAM: It was a lot helpful! So we know blue, bad, black, bad– DEBORAH: Probably green and red bad SAM: Well, maybe one of them is a good! Maybe one of them’s a way out of here! DEBORAH: Maybe LAURA: You should put on the robe. Did you put on the robe? I can help you put on the robe TRAVIS: No, I’m trying to put it on. Does it fit? MATT: It’s a little tight on you, but it fits You’re slender for a half-orc TRAVIS: I’m fucking fit, okay? MATT: You can be fit and slender TALIESIN: Maybe they’re all bad LIAM: Hey man, you let strength be the dump stat DEBORAH: We could stand out of the way and my Mage Hand could open them all, if we felt like– There could be– LAURA: The wailing creature could– DEBORAH: Yeah, it wouldn’t matter where we stood LAURA: Yeah, but he is in line with the wailing creature LIAM: I have an idea. I can make a magical hut that nothing can pass through TRAVIS: That is an excellent way to try and figure out what the fuck’s going on in here LIAM: I am going to begin to take the minute to cast Leomund’s Tiny Hut in the center of the room MATT: Okay TRAVIS: An observation deck DEBORAH: In the center of the room, okay LAURA: Ooh, the center MARISHA: Like one of those bomb shelter walls LIAM: It’s a ten-foot radius, and everyone is allowed to enter and exit MATT: A ten-foot radius would be a bit bigger than that, so that would be the ten-foot radius LAURA: Can we all fit inside of it? LIAM: Absolutely. But I have to stay in the center of it where it is safe SAM: But someone needs to step out of it in order to trigger the other– DEBORAH: Well, can I send Mage Hand through it? LIAM: You can stick your hand through the barrier and cast Mage Hand and pull back in, yeah MATT: So everyone is moving into it? LAURA: I want to stay, still, as much away from a line-up as we– like, in front of the things MATT: There’s not a whole lot of space there TRAVIS: You know, it’s just a thought, but if we have to open two of these that are facing each other at the same time so they destroy each other, we’ll probably have to drop that down LIAM: This is impervious to– yeah TRAVIS: We’ll get there LIAM: We’ll get there. We can experiment because this is impervious TRAVIS: I like it TALIESIN: So we already know what two of these are DEBORAH: Right MARISHA: What if you unleash the wailing creature and we have to deal with it? LIAM: It cannot come in here TRAVIS: What about sound? DEBORAH: How long does it last?

LIAM: Oh, hours. That is a good point, although I have a decent supply of honeycomb. We could knead it up and make earplugs for ourselves TRAVIS: That is really resourceful DEBORAH: And I have gum LIAM: That’s just as good or better. You are clever DEBORAH: Yeah! Thank you! SAM: Sure TRAVIS: Where did her gum come from? MARISHA: It’s survival SAM: Well, let’s do some honeycomb, then TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah MARISHA: I’ll take the gum. I’m not proud TALIESIN: I feel like I was told as a child not to put things in my ears, but I guess I’m doing this LAURA: I’m going to soften it up with my mouth LIAM: Before and after, okay TALIESIN: I wonder what’s behind green TRAVIS: Yeah, me too DEBORAH: Okay TRAVIS: Do it DEBORAH: All right, I’ll sneak over to that side so I can see it, and I’m going to put just my hand outside of the area of the hut TRAVIS: You don’t need that hand, you got another one DEBORAH: It has vocal components. Do I need to lean my head out? MATT: Don’t make this the second time I’ve taken a hand of yours DEBORAH: But my new hand is so cool! MATT: Sorry. So? DEBORAH: If there’s a vocal component– only I have to be able to hear it– do I need to stick my head out? MATT: As far as you know, it doesn’t affect you in a volume or noise way DEBORAH: Okay. So I whisper something and I move my hand and that silvery, spectral hand comes off, and it goes forward toward the green. I pull my own hand back and get back into the space, and I tell it to push the green flag aside MATT: You have to move over here, probably, to get into range. As you pull back the green tapestry– LAURA: I’m going to crouch, even in the thing MATT: You crouch down? Okay. As you pull it back, you see a statue behind it that looks to be some horribly mutated humanoid creature. Its body is bulbous and covered in sores, its neck is swollen like a toad’s, its mouth and jaw open with rows of teeth, all made of stone. As it pulls back, this gaseous green fume spews from its mouth that fills the chamber around it. About half the chamber begins to fill with this before it dissipates, but it does not cross the boundaries of the hut TRAVIS: Ooh, shit DEBORAH: Red? TALIESIN: Sound; a beam; there’s a screech; there’s a gas DEBORAH: Well, light, sound, gas SAM: Smell? Sound? Vision? TALIESIN: I don’t know what goes next MATT: What are you doing next? DEBORAH: Should I try it? LAURA: Do the red! Maybe it’s fire DEBORAH: I move over to be in line with the red, and I stick my hand out, and it flies out, the spectral hand. I pull back into the safety, and it pushes aside the red MATT: It pulls aside the red. Behind it, you see emerge a wooden door of red-painted material and the similar symbol of Halas painted across the surface TRAVIS: Red doors are bad SAM: That’s the way out! DEBORAH: Should the Mage Hand try to open it, you guys? I can send my hand to try and open it LIAM: We are still safe in here. Yeah, I think so DEBORAH: Captain Fjord? TRAVIS: Proceed DEBORAH: Sweet! I whisper, and I direct it a little bit. It comes down, and it grabs a knob? A handle? MATT: There is a handle there DEBORAH: A handle, and it’s going to turn MATT: (clicking) It’s locked LAURA: Hmm. Ooh! Fjord, look in your pockets! TRAVIS: Why? LAURA: Of the red robe! Look in the pockets of the red robe! DEBORAH: I call it back to me. I pull out of my purse a little set of tools on a ring, and I give it to the hand and whisper it off again to go see if it can pick the lock MATT: The hand hovers across. Roll an ability check, adding your dexterity modifier and your proficiency modifier DEBORAH: My thieves’ tools? That’s a 29 LAURA: Whoa! SAM: I don’t have to do shit. I’m just going to sit there, drinking MATT: It takes a few minutes. This is an intricate lock. As you watch the hand finish with the third tool that is being held between the mystical pinkie, you hear a slight clink, like a spring snapped or moved. The front of the door here bursts into flame, burning out in the area. It

burns solid for a good 30 seconds. Surrounded by flame, all of you are being lit by this. You’re wincing from the heat you feel you should be feeling, but it’s all being held at bay by the hut’s boundaries. Eventually, the flames die out, the door, tapestry both untouched DEBORAH: I pull the hand back to me, and I take my keys, ow! Back in my pouch MATT: Yeah, they’re very hot TRAVIS: Can I search the pockets of the red coat? MATT: Sure. Make an investigation check TALIESIN: Feels a bit extreme SAM: Deep pockets! LAURA: Natural one? TRAVIS: Seven MATT: There are no pockets on the robe TRAVIS: No pockets! SAM: That door is still closed? MATT: Yeah. It’s a heavy cloak, if you will SAM: So there’s no way in or out, and every door is bad TRAVIS: Well, we haven’t pulled the black curtain back yet SAM: Well, that was the wailing one. The guy said it was the wailing one LAURA: We should see what it is, though LIAM: We have heard everything that happened outside of this bubble. If it is wailing at us, I don’t know what that would entail for us TALIESIN: That says that the door is trapped, not necessarily that the door is unopenable LIAM: Yeah, that’s correct. Nott, you could at least give it a whirl SAM: Give what a whirl? LIAM: Picking that lock. We are in here for another seven hours and 40 minutes SAM: Oh, I thought you picked that lock. The red one? MATT: It triggered something, but you feel confident DEBORAH: I’ll send the hand back out to try the handle again MATT: (click, door creaking) It opens up LIAM: You’ve got to follow through DEBORAH: Sorry guys, I’m a little absent-minded TALIESIN: I mean, there’s a lot going on right now SAM: We have a way out! LAURA: Should we just go out, then? TALIESIN: I’m going to double-check these bodies for things before we go. If anyone wants to help me with an investigation check– SAM: I’ll help you DEBORAH: You want me to look? I’ll go look! MATT: Go for it DEBORAH: You’re going to help me? TALIESIN: Sure SAM: Great! I’m getting day drunk! DEBORAH: 27 MATT: Whew. You give a thorough pass. They are picked clean. In fact, you find the belt on one of them seems to have been broken forcefully, and a couple of pieces of leather that are pinched where a belt pouch may have been resting for a while Missing. Somebody has completely rolled these corpses and picked them clean already DEBORAH: Sorry, buddy TALIESIN: Seems that they were robbed before they came in here. It’s weird DEBORAH: Or while they were in here TALIESIN: Oh, that’s even crazier DEBORAH: Is there a way to tell if they were robbed post-mortem or pre-mortem? I don’t know! How do you tell that? MATT: Make a medicine check MARISHA: This is some Bones shit DEBORAH: 14 MATT: I mean, you glance around the areas. There’s not much to really pull from that type of material. You don’t see any heavy bruising like they were forcefully pulled from them while they were living, necessarily. It’s hard to tell SAM: Before we do anything, I’m going to whisper to Jester: You know, I like Twiggy, but she picks all the locks, she does the Mage Hand thing, she does the Hideous Laughter thing, she paints LAURA: She makes a duplicate of herself SAM: She has a cute animal LAURA: And she likes chocolate! SAM: Are we being replaced? Is this some joke? LAURA: I mean, I don’t know SAM: Maybe they don’t need us any more LAURA: Maybe they brought her on purpose and they don’t want us anymore SAM: Oh my god! LAURA: It’s possible SAM: Let’s kill her LAURA: Well SAM: When the moment is right LAURA: Okay, okay (laughter) MATT: So what are you guys doing? LIAM: I am placing Frumpkin outside of the bubble LAURA: He always sends Frumpkin in to die LIAM: I am going to go look in the next room DEBORAH: But I love that cat! MATT: Okay, roll a perception check for Frumpkin LIAM: 13 MATT: Okay. Frumpkin goes up to the doorway and looks. It is a dark hallway, no light. Frumpkin sees a little bit of light, but it’s above, like there seems to be an incline. It’s above and to the right. It’s not a straight, narrow hall. It seems a little oddly angled LIAM: You know, I could throw some light out there, but I don’t really want to announce our presence. What do you think we should do? LAURA: Does Frumpkin hear anyone? LIAM: He would have told me if he heard– I can’t hear you TALIESIN: I mean, we did just cause a giant lightning thing. I feel like our presence has been announced TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re fine TALIESIN: I’m going to light up my staff, at any rate LIAM: I come out of it MATT: The light source on the staff now emanates and the chamber is lit well LIAM: I don’t want to really announce our presence if there’s somebody out there. I don’t know MATT: This is open on this side (oohing) DEBORAH: Fancy! MATT: I got to use that piece finally

TRAVIS: Well, we’re not going anywhere in here Who wants to come with? LAURA: All of us TALIESIN: Although we should probably have someone check ahead, just for traps DEBORAH: Ooh! I’m sneaky sneaky! Unless you want to do it SAM: No. You just go. No, it’s fine, you do it Nope, you’ve got it. I’m fine Have fun. Tell me how it goes TRAVIS: Jester, Nott, y’all okay? SAM: and LAURA: We’re fine SAM: We’re fine, Fjord. Everything’s fine LAURA: Don’t worry about us TRAVIS: They just turn on you that fast MARISHA: I don’t– I think– We’ll talk later TRAVIS: Okay LIAM: Caleb says nothing TALIESIN: Nope DEBORAH: In fact, Twiggy’s not even really going to wait. She starts to chase the cat. She wants to go see the cat and pet the cat MATT: Okay, so Twiggy leaves the radius and starts heading towards the far end of the room DEBORAH: I’m going to sneakily do it, though MATT: All right, roll a stealth check DEBORAH: 17 MATT: Good to know. What are the rest of you doing? You watch as Twiggy just leaves and starts heading towards the door SAM: Oh, now we have to go. We can’t let her die LAURA: We should follow her TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll follow Twiggy LIAM: I’m going to watch everyone safely go to the door and not get killed, and then drop the bubble LAURA: I walk behind Fjord and I cast Blessing of the Trickster when I touch your back TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester LIAM: It would stay there, yeah TALIESIN: Yeah, but we’ll know it’s there, just in case MATT: All right. As everyone finds their way to the door safely, you feel the moment to leave the field– LIAM: Oh yeah, if I leave, it’s gone TALIESIN: Oh, well then never mind MATT: So the hut vanishes. Spell’s expended LIAM: Hightail it out of this fucking room! TRAVIS: That was well used, my man MATT: You guys exit and make your way into the hallway. The hallway itself drops temperature dramatically. It’s similar to the space that you guys were in last time. You feel for the edges and there’s no real shape or texture to it. It’s just solid. It feels almost like stone, but not quite It’s hard to place. As you’re stepping into the chamber, I would say Nott and Fjord, you both get just a hint of vertigo. You glance and you take a step into the hallway and it’s an incline. You look up and you can see the light. It’s hard to make out, but you see a faint bit of light at the end of it, maybe a hundred or so feet ahead of you SAM: Vertigo just from the shape of the room? MATT: Just like stepping into the room and having no real idea of where the walls and ceiling and floor are. It just looks like a black shape and you’re feeling some walls, but they’re a little rounded. It’s a strange aspect to this hallway LAURA: Does the floor seem rounded, too? MATT: No, the floor just seems like a steady incline DEBORAH: We don’t see light or anything at the end of it? MATT: You see the end of the tunnel, but you can’t make out what’s on the other side. It’s too far SAM: Can you make light? Is anyone? We need light TALIESIN: I was making light LIAM: With your staff, yeah? MATT: As Caduceus steps in with the staff, the light seems to be crushed down to where you can see the faint bit of it there, but there’s something about this hallway that’s swallowing the light or at least compressing it to where it’s not giving off much of a radius while you are standing in it SAM: That’s weird. Do we press ahead? TALIESIN: I mean DEBORAH: No other way to go TALIESIN: Can you see anything, Beau? MARISHA: That’s what I was going to ask. It’s a forceful darkness and looking at Fjord get nauseous, does this remind me of any ghostly presence that I experienced before? MATT: Not necessarily, but make a perception check for me LIAM: Do I recognize it as an obvious arcane effect? MATT: Make an arcana check MARISHA: Oh my god LIAM: Natural 20 MARISHA: 11 MATT: You can’t make out much detail beyond the end of the hallway. You, however, there’s something about this that feels extraplanar Meaning the end of this doorway, whatever’s at the other end, is being tethered by something that’s not really material space. You don’t know what distance you’re traveling between these two objects LIAM: Okay, I relay this to the group. We jumped dimensions to get here, and whatever is laying before is not a hallway. In a way it is, but not the traditional sense SAM: But it might even be the way back out LIAM: It might be, yeah TRAVIS: As we turn around and look at the door that we came back through, are there any markings above the door or around it? MATT: Perception check TALIESIN: I’m going to roll Eyes of the Grave, too, just to see if anything– TRAVIS: 20! No. 19 MATT: No. In fact, it’s weird because the doorway itself is this well carved inlaid beautiful door As soon as you step into the hallway and look at the opposite end, the hallway is just flush with the exterior of it and seems to curve out into the rest of the hallway. It seems intentionally placed

to match perfectly, but has a natural feel to its shape. It’s weird LIAM: You said we can see the end of this passageway, but not what’s beyond it MATT: Correct TALIESIN: I’m rolling Eyes of the Grave. Just for the hell of it MATT: Right. Nothing comes up SAM: Well, Twiggy? DEBORAH: I’m happy to keep going SAM: All right MATT: Marching order, please? DEBORAH: I’ll be in first TRAVIS: Twiggy, 50 feet behind everyone else MATT: Who’s after Twiggy? DEBORAH: I’m skipping SAM: I’ll go after Twiggy MATT: Nott and Twiggy. Who’s after Nott? LAURA: I’ll go after Nott TRAVIS: I’ll go after Jester MARISHA: I’ll be after Fjord TALIESIN: I’ll be after Beau MATT: Caleb in the back SAM: Always. Hey, we’re sort of in size order! LAURA: Hey Caleb! You know in haunted houses a lot of time they attack the person in the back TALIESIN: I’m paying attention DEBORAH: I’m skipping stealthily TALIESIN: (singing) Tiptoe through the tulips DEBORAH: Like Bugs Bunny LAURA: No, that’s a really creepy song from, that’s from Insidious MATT: You continue along this hallway, walking. It takes you a moment to realize, but as you’re moving forward, the light seems to turn. Like whatever this source is, the light shifts slightly. Like whatever source is there seems to have some sort of movement. As you’re paying attention and the closer you get to it, you begin to see it’s like a flickering of firelight, there’s a flame-based light source within whatever this next area is, but it seems to be rotating. You begin to make out shapes, vaguely, of things within that room, but it’s rotating as you walk. It takes a moment for you all to realize that this chamber, you’re spiraling around it, but there’s no change to your sense of gravity, but it a corkscrew movement LAURA: Whoa, that’s freaky TRAVIS: (vomiting) (laughter) MATT: Eventually, you come to the end of the hallway. Inside it appears to be a warm interior It’s a crafted den or study of some kind, but the angle you’re at as you come to the end of it is a heavy steep angle. You see all these bookshelves and a desk across the chamber and there are candelabras in there, they’re all this harsh angle, but they’re not sliding, they’re all held in place by something TALIESIN: Or we are LAURA: By gravity! TALIESIN: I’m going to try and use Thaumaturgy through the door to see if I can affect the flame before we enter MATT: Okay. You cast Thaumaturgy, no effect TALIESIN: Well, that’s weird DEBORAH: It’s in front? TALIESIN: We’re not in there yet DEBORAH: The flames we see are between us MATT: The flames you see are inside the chamber, and you haven’t entered the chamber yet. The Thaumaturgy doesn’t seem to– DEBORAH: But are they in the way of us entering the chamber? MATT: No DEBORAH: Oh, okay TALIESIN: No, I was just curious if the magic would follow through, apparently not, or whatever is in there is not real. I don’t know LAURA: Can we see any movement outside the flames? MATT: Make a perception check SAM: Come on, Jessie LAURA: Oh, well, 11, no MATT: No movement beyond just the slow movement of flames MARISHA: Is there any scripture or writing on the–? MATT: In the interior of the hallway? MARISHA: Yeah, to like enter this door MATT: Make a perception check MARISHA: Natural 20 MATT: Looking around the edge of the hall, the ending, you don’t see any script or symbols Looking inside the chamber, though, as you get close and peer within, this is definitely a study of some kind. There are bookshelves upon bookshelves that round different areas. You can see a desk on the far end with a chair there. You don’t see anybody in it. Across from where this desk is, you get close and push and past Twiggy and Nott to look inside. This is a tall chamber, it’s maybe 70 or 60 foot tall. Taller almost than it is wide. On the opposite end of the desk, above this large collection of bookshelves, there is a heavy stained glass window that’s about 30 or 40 feet tall, and about 40 to 50 feet wide MARISHA: Is there any image in the stained glass? MATT: There is no light source behind it. You can see the stained glass and that there are colors to it, but there’s nothing behind, no daylight to really make it clear from this distance. You’d have to get closer DEBORAH: Do we see any other exits in this tower, this chamber? MATT: Not from where you’re standing. But you guys still have not entered the chamber LAURA: Should we do it stealthily? SAM: Yes MARISHA: I think we’re about to enter into someone’s study LAURA: I’m going to case Pass Without a Trace on all of us MATT: So everyone gets plus ten to their stealth check. I’d like everyone to roll a stealth check for me, please TRAVIS: 21 MATT: Beau?

MARISHA: 34 LIAM: 15 SAM: 32 LAURA: 17 DEBORAH: 20 TALIESIN: 24 MATT: Overall, pretty good stealth scores. You feel pretty confident that as you one by one enter the chamber, bracing yourself to slide down with the curved floor, and you stumble and trip as you enter because, as soon as you step in, your whole perspective shifts and gravity is as it should be in that chamber. You all step in at an odd angle and have to catch yourself as you have to reorient yourself in an instant LIAM: Like stepping off a moving sidewalk at the airport, but way worse MATT: Yes LAURA: That was a neat trick MATT: As you all step in the chamber, let me get a visual reference (cheering) TALIESIN: So many toys today SAM: The Raven and the Rook is a thing that I don’t have any information about LAURA: They make badass notebooks! LIAM: Ring based TALIESIN: Hey, oh! (oohing) SAM: Look at all those books! LAURA: Whoa! There’s a ladder, you guys! DEBORAH: We like ladders TALIESIN: I love a good ladder MATT: Pushing into this chamber, this door is already open LAURA: Ooh! A door that works! MATT: You guys all step into the interior of this den of some kind TRAVIS: I’m not looking at your notes, I’m just looking through the wall MATT: It’s fine LAURA: Where’s the fireplace? Is it straight across? MATT: There’s no fireplace, but there are candelabras throughout the chamber that give a light source that flickers throughout the interior. This is all bookcases, these are bookcases, these are bookcases, these are bookcases, this is a closed bookcase. There’s a small desk here and a large desk here and the stained glass window stands up there LAURA: Those books look like you could remove them and play with them TRAVIS: Caleb passes out LIAM: Nosebleed TALIESIN: I’m going to try the candelabra again see if I can get those flames a little brighter MATT: Once you start, all of the flames flicker brighter causing deeper shadows across the chamber TALIESIN: I’ll reel them back in. All right, that’s good to know DEBORAH: You say now we see a door and it’s open? MATT: That’s the door you came through SAM: But there’s no other doors in this room? MATT: Make a perception check. You guys entered from that side SAM: I will look for a door. That’s cocked. Six LAURA: That wasn’t cocked MATT: It looks pretty solid TRAVIS: You say the stained glass window was on which wall? MATT: This wall here TRAVIS: Gotcha. Thank you MATT: There’s a ladder over there as well. Looks like these are all set aside for climbing and getting higher TRAVIS: I’ll climb up the ladder and get just under the stained glass window MATT: Okay TRAVIS: Can I see through the glass or at the glass or is it above me? MATT: No, you can see through it. It starts maybe six inches off where that platform starts and then continues up for the next 40 or so feet. Looking through, it is darkness, void, a lack of light The only color you’re able to make out is what the candlelight from the inside of the chamber is enabling you to see from the inside, from this side TALIESIN: I’m going to maybe throw some illumination up so we can see the window a bit better MATT: Okay. As you all step into the middle of the chamber to look at this stained glass window above you– LAURA: We should have checked for traps and stuff, you guys TALIESIN: Yeah. I was going to say, I was actually thinking about getting up. I would like that, that weird corner ladder MATT: Over here? TALIESIN: Yeah MATT: Sure. You place yourselves where you want to be TRAVIS: You and your damn loft positions, Taliesin TALIESIN: I like a good loft position. Since I was a kid, my favorite thing MATT: As there’s more light in the chamber, you can see now, above this desk there is a 12-foot-tall, six-foot-wide picture frame. In the picture frame, from the side angle, it has no image. As you step into the center, an image comes into shape. You see a tall, ten- to 12-foot-tall portrait of a man: thin, of light brown skin, long dark hair that tumbles past his shoulders, a very thinly-groomed chin beard that falls to a point three or four inches below– it’s a very succinct point– wearing a red robe with gold trim LAURA: Does he have a ring on? MATT: He is wearing a handful of rings on his hands. Billowing sleeves folded across his lap His eyes are a piercing amber-yellow color, and his lip curls ever so slightly into a knowing smile DEBORAH: He doesn’t look like Sir Cadigan, does he? MATT: No LAURA: Okay, that’s where I was going. What about a green ring, though? Does he have a green ring? TALIESIN: Can we see his feet? MATT: No. It’s lap up LAURA: Wait, describe him. Say him again SAM: Do all of it again MATT: A tall, thin man of light brown skin, with long, dark hair that tumbles past his shoulders, a very thinly-groomed chin beard that falls to a point about three inches below his chin, wearing a red robe with gold trim, with billowing sleeves that fold across his lap. His eyes are a piercing amber yellow. His lips curl ever so slightly into a knowing smile. There you go

LAURA: And he’s got lots of rings on MATT: Yeah, he’s got some intricate rings on his fingers SAM: He’s wearing a red robe, you said? MATT: Yes. It looks almost the same coloration, the same deep red, the same gold trim LAURA: Oh look! I bet it’s that guy! That’s his robe! TRAVIS: What’s that? LAURA: He’s thin TRAVIS: Ah! Ah! DEBORAH: Guys, I really want to know what’s in the closed cabinet. Can I go look? TALIESIN: I would check for things, but DEBORAH: Should I use my fancy hand again? LIAM: I think both of you should be taking a look around in this moment MATT: While that’s happening, the stained glass window, now that you have light that’s illuminating it– MARISHA: Oh shit MATT: There is no backlight, so it’s just the light that you have on it right there. It shows clusters of different colored circles and discs arranged in a strange, tethered pattern. You see different colored discs, different sizes and colorations, that are laid into this with fragments of dark blues and grays in between. They are all tethered by these silver threads and various tangled– it looks like a crazed synesthesia equation, if you will. Anybody who’s trained in arcana or history, go ahead and roll TRAVIS: Okay then LIAM: The worst roll MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil TRAVIS: 15 MARISHA: 15 MATT: Okay. This arrangement, you begin to make out, is a layout of the planes, the transitive planes of the Ethereal and the Astral between the realms. You see these clouds of gray and light blue that mingle and create a Venn diagram where everything overlaps on top of. They act as the threads that hold these things together and connect them in between. The inner planes showing the elemental chaos where the primordial elements were ordered into following the Founding of Exandria. You can see where the flaming sphere is placed here, and there is the water, and the wind, and the earth. That is the scattering of these inner planes DEBORAH: Is there a You Are Here sticker? TRAVIS: Yeah! MARISHA: That’s actually, yes MATT: The outer planes, where the realms where the divine exist, are scattered and connected, all surrounding the Material Plane on the outer side What you both notice, two things are off about this. One, there’s no Divine Gate shown here. In this whole layout, there is no reference. Most maps or sketches or historical designs of this type of a layout contains the Divine Gate because that was a major event that happened after the Calamity and separated all of the gods from the mortal planes LIAM and LAURA: This is old LIAM: Old, just like the device MATT: You get the sense this was designed before the Divine Gate was ever created. Number two, there is an additional shape. Smaller than the rest. A tiny, ruby-like circle that floats in the Astral Sea, that is not tethered to anything, and seems to not really fit within your understanding of the cosmos TRAVIS: A small ruby circle? MATT: Like the same color. Like the color of a ruby SAM: A ruby in the Astral Sea? MATT and LAURA: Aww TRAVIS: Does it blink, shine, shimmer, move? MATT: No, it’s just the same type of material as everything else. It’s the glass the window’s made out of MARISHA: And where is that amongst the planes, the little ruby amongst the sea? Is it in between two certain certain planes? MATT: It looks like it’s sitting in the center of the Astral Sea, and doesn’t have any tethers Everything else seems to be tethered by these silver cords, almost, that puts in this large tapestry. And that is just floating between all the lines in the middle of the Astral Sea TRAVIS: Confused by its location, I’m gonna touch it MATT: You touch it? TRAVIS: Yep DEBORAH: Yes! MARISHA: Oh shit MATT: You touch it, and all of you hear this loud, heavy shattering sound as the window shatters into a hundred different pieces, all of them stopping about three feet from the window and freezing in place. Fjord, standing before it in this void gets sucked into the darkness and the glass window closes behind him MARISHA: What?! SAM: Ah! What did he touch?! MARISHA: Are you serious?! DEBORAH: He touched the– MATT: No, no one technically was watching LIAM: The red bubble? This is some labyrinth shit, motherfucker LAURA: What just happened? Where did Fjord just go? SAM: (yelling) Fjord! No! MARISHA: Why does this keep happening to you? TRAVIS: Because I do stupid shit! MATT: So what are you guys doing? We’ll get to you later DEBORAH: We were on the way to the cabinet– TRAVIS: Why does he got to describe it and make it sound so interesting? SAM: How can you focus on the cabinet right now?! DEBORAH: Because maybe it’ll tell us where he went! SAM: Okay, you’re right. There might be information in there. Let’s go look at the cabinet DEBORAH: We’re going to the cabinet SAM: I will support you and help you and aid you, but judgmentally

LAURA: I’m going to run up where Fjord disappeared MARISHA: I was actually technically watching from downstairs MATT: You guys notice him vanish. There’s no like, where did Fjord go? You heard the wall explode and him disappear and then it reset itself and closed SAM: No one else touch it! TALIESIN: Okay, let’s all just be very careful before we do anything DEBORAH: I like his style! LIAM: I know a lot of people are doing a lot of things, but eventually get to me, I’m going to start ransacking the desk for notes about that MATT: Okay. Caleb’s heading over to the desk. As you’re walking by, Caleb, there are books and books on these shelves, and you notice that all of the books have a brass binding around them, like a lock. Like a square shaped manacle that is affixed around it, and it looks like all of them are locked in some way. There might be ways to open it, but it looks like whoever left this alone did not intend for anyone to open it but them LAURA: That looks like an open book at the end of the room, Caleb LIAM: I’m looking for a way to help Fjord right now MATT: You guys are over at the opposite end of this closed thing. This also has a brass bar that is bolted and affixed to the closed cabinet DEBORAH: Want to take it? SAM: Unlock it? Yes DEBORAH: You want me to do it? SAM: Yes, I will aid you DEBORAH: Okay, so I’m thieves’ tooling on it MATT: All right, so make an attempt with advantage DEBORAH: 27 MATT: You manage to find an area underneath the bar where there’s a button press or symbol, and you get one of the tools underneath, push it inside, and turn. As you do, the bar (click) DEBORAH: While Twiggy does this, she sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth and one eye closed MATT: It appears to be unlocked DEBORAH: Okay SAM: Let’s open it DEBORAH: We both take each one and open up the cabinet MATT: Okay, you open the inside of the cabinet, and it is empty DEBORAH: I don’t buy it SAM: Let’s feel around, wiggle around DEBORAH: We stick our hands in MATT: Okay! You put your hands inside the empty cabinet, and it immediately closes on your arms as teeth suddenly emerge from the sides of the door (yelling, groaning) MARISHA: Shut up! MATT: No, actually, this is an attack on each of you. Oh, that’s cocked. Okay, that is 23 against you DEBORAH: Okay MATT: And that is 17 against you SAM: Hits MATT: All right. Each of you suffer 14 points of piercing damage SAM: Uncanny dodge DEBORAH: Yeah, uncanny dodge MATT: Both of you take seven points of piercing damage, but you are both currently grappled as it is slammed on your arms in a very The Thing kind of way, like when the guy’s chest opens and closes. Yeah, it’s some John Carpenter. It closes on you and you see on each of the doors where the striations of the wood are, they split and you see these eyes peek through at you LAURA: I immediately turn around and Invoke Duplicity down on the ground near them MATT: Okay. All right, that Invoke Duplicity appears. Where do you want her to be? LAURA: Right next to them MATT: Okay, yeah, so you guys are both up here right now LAURA: Mm-hmm TALIESIN: For Pete’s– Sacred Flame MATT: All right, I need you guys to roll initiative SAM: Oh, boy TRAVIS: What about me, Matt? MATT: Nope! TRAVIS: I’m going to do it! 19 MATT: Okay, so, 25 to 20? 20 to 15? DEBORAH: 17 SAM: Hey! MATT: All righty SAM and MARISHA: Marishative SAM: Roll for Marishative MATT: There you go. 15 to ten? MARISHA: 11 SAM: 12. Whoa, you guys MATT: Beau is going at the same time as the cabinet MARISHA: “Beau is going at the same time as the cabinet.” MATT: I love saying that. That’s an actual phrase that exists. I’m so happy. Ten to five? LAURA: Five, but I rolled a natural one LIAM: Six MATT: Okay, got you. Caduceus? TALIESIN: Three MATT: All right TALIESIN: There’s a long sigh at the beginning of the round MATT: Twiggy, you’re up first DEBORAH: I’m up first. First, I would like to, if possible, try to extricate my hands from this. Is it possible? MATT: It is. You have to use an action to try and escape with an ability check. You can choose either acrobatics or athletics DEBORAH: Acrobatics! That is a 19 MATT: 19 is enough! You manage to wedge your arm– DEBORAH: I put my foot up! MATT: — and pull out, and, yeah, you manage to free yourself from its grasp DEBORAH: Cool. Using my bonus action, I want to disengage from it and back up a little bit MATT: Okay, easy enough. You manage to back up to there DEBORAH: Yeah MATT: That finishes your go. Nott, you’re up next SAM: Same exact move MATT: Two peas in a pod over here

SAM: Yes, that’s a 23 MATT: You manage to pull yourself free of it as well and back up to this side SAM: Bonus action disengage! MATT: And pull away, no worries DEBORAH: I put up my arm and I go: Twinsies! SAM: Ow! So much blood MATT: That finishes your go. Beau and the cabinet go at the same time. Your dexterity is higher than the cabinet’s so you go first. It’s a cabinet SAM: Hey, that’s great. It’s got four legs MARISHA: Man, some days you lose, some days you beat a cabinet (laughter) MATT: (singing) Levitz pained! (spoken) What are you doing? MARISHA: I look over and I go: They’re fine, and I go upstairs with Jester TRAVIS: You’re not going to whale on this cabinet, bro? MARISHA: Nope. I don’t give a fuck right now about that cabinet MATT: All right, the cabinet– MARISHA: Oh, it moves? Now I care a little MATT: Yeah, this is full on, we’re talking dark side of Beauty and the Beast here. Just making its way forward. It does notice it’s an illusion. It just steps through it SAM: That’s a perceptive cabinet DEBORAH: It is! MATT: It moves through and it’s going to attempt to bite. It can bite whoever is adjacent in front of it. As you guys move back, it’s going to try and open and try and swallow you up into it DEBORAH: All right MATT: It’s going to attempt to lean forward and pull you into the cabinet’s mouth. Against you, Nott, that is– Ooh, that’s a 12. I don’t think that hits SAM: Do I roll against that? MATT: No, it’s just a hit SAM: Oh, does not hit MATT: Yep. And against you, natural 18 DEBORAH: Oh, yeah, you hit MATT: Yeah, all right, so you suffer– DEBORAH: Now, did that first uncanny dodge count as my reaction, or can I use it now? MATT: You’ve had your turn since, so you have your reaction back DEBORAH: So I can halve it now MATT: Yes, you can. So it would be 16 points of piercing damage, which is reduced to eight; however, you are swallowed LIAM: Oh, she’s in it! MATT: So you’re inside of it now. It scoops you up. It lowers down and slams the cabinet shut as it pulls back. Twiggy’s legs are kicking there, and like Audrey 2, it just sucks her inside of the cabinet DEBORAH: I’ll never stop loving you! SAM: It’s okay, she’s lived in a box for like a week MATT: She’s used to this! Caleb, you’re up LIAM: I am going to trust my friends to take care of the monster. I have a feeling about the desk This is what I would do. I would think that there might be something in this man’s desk, so I start looking for anything of use MATT: Make an investigation check SAM: The desk is a mimic LIAM: It is a 16 MATT: Taking a minute to glance through, a couple of things. One, you pull open one of the drawers You see a glass jar about this big that contains about a hundred or so of these small glass beads There’s that. You go, “Okay, that’s that.” On the desk itself, there’s a large vial of ink, about that big. It’s a heavy vial of ink with this big red quill placed next to it into a little cap TRAVIS: May be Taliesin’s TALIESIN: This is a death trap. This is a fucking death trap MATT: The cork that has been removed from the ink vial is laid there next to it on the table. You see, in another cabinet, a small porcelain doll It’s made of porcelain and silk. It’s crafted to look like a young woman in a very fine blue and black silk dress. The hair is long and silver, and the hair in particular is very realistic DEBORAH: Too much detail LAURA: Voodoo doll TRAVIS: I love it when the DM describes something as too realistic MATT: That’s all you find in the desk LIAM: Okay, so then what I do is think: All these things can kill me. I back away from the desk. I’m going to move as far as I can away from the dresser, along this way MATT: That’ll put you there LIAM: No, I’m sorry, I meant– MATT: I’m saying you’re at the desk to search it So that’s (counting) 30, which puts you there LIAM: Exactly, so yeah MATT: That finishes your go, Caleb? LIAM: That’s it MATT: Jester, you’re up LAURA: Okay. I’m going to turn around with my duplicate, and I’m going to cast Inflict Wounds on the cabinet MATT: Go for it LAURA: Can you do that? MATT: Yeah, you can LAURA: Okay, I’m going to do that at 2nd-level MATT: Second level, so is that 4d10 damage? LAURA: Yeah, that’s 4d10 MATT: Roll to hit first. You have to roll a d20 and then add your spell attack SAM: Side of a barn door, right? MATT: Yes, not hard to hit. It’s a cabinet

LAURA: 17 MATT: 17 definitely hits. Roll damage. Since your illusion is immaterial– go ahead? TRAVIS: Would the cabinet have a French accent when it talked? MATT: You’ll find out DEBORAH: Be our guest MATT: Hon hon hon, nom nom nom, I love me some gnome flesh! TRAVIS: I have been here for so long DEBORAH: Nom nom nom LAURA: 20 points MATT: 20 points of damage LAURA: Yes DEBORAH: I have not eaten since the Calamity (laughter) MATT: The burst of necrotic energy slams into it, and the cabinet shakes in place. The eyes roll in pain for a second, and they withdraw into the wood before they pop out once more from the doorways It seems to chew for a second in anger, but it looks hurt. It’s not bloodied, but that was a hefty hit. Not bad MARISHA: While she was doing that, I was like: I feel like I saw him look over here somewhere. So over here, yeah LAURA: Yeah, I’m paying attention to her and going (vague noise) MATT: That finishes Jester’s go? Caduceus, you’re up TALIESIN: I’m going to hit it with Sacred Flame MATT: I got caught up in it TALIESIN: Going to hit this guy with a Sacred Flame MATT: Sacred Flame is a dexterity saving throw? TALIESIN: Yep, dexterity saving throw MATT: Nope! It’s not very fast, this cabinet TALIESIN: Nah, I didn’t think it would be. That’s not bad; that’s 14 points of damage MATT: 14 points of damage. You watch this burst of divine energy around it with this faint aqua glow to it as it burns around it. The area where it hits, you see the wood darken and splinter. Its boxlike shape is beginning to warp and twist a little bit as it’s starting to give up a little bit of its instinctual form. Now it’s looking hurt TALIESIN: Spit it out! Come on! MATT: That finishes your go? TALIESIN: Yeah MATT: Twiggy. Top of your turn. First things first, it’s digesting you DEBORAH: Cool MATT: You take, ooh, that’s 15 points of acid damage. You are inside of it, still DEBORAH: Cool. I’m inside? LIAM: Fava beans DEBORAH: Because I have an ally within five feet, can I attack it from the inside using sneak attack? MATT: I’d allow it. There’s few places as exposed and vulnerable as the inside of its mouth! DEBORAH: Yeah, I’m going to hang out for a minute and attack it from the inside MATT: Okay. You are restrained, so it’s disadvantage on the attack, but it is also the inside of its mouth, so try it out DEBORAH: Let’s do it because it’s fun Disadvantage is an 18 plus seven, so I think that’s pretty good LIAM: Deborah, can you be here every week? DEBORAH: That’s a nine from my initial hit, piercing. Then with my sneak attack, another four and six, so another ten. 19 total MATT: 19 points of damage from the inside as you jam the dagger up into the top of the cabinet It’s a combination of wood striation and weird liquid muscle that are pushing against you as it’s digesting you. You jam upward where you imagine the head might be. As you do, you hear (groaning) from the inside. It begins shifting and quaking, and the muscles are beginning to spasm. It needs to make a constitution saving throw, which it fails and spits you out. You are prone on the ground adjacent it. But it does like, (throwing up) DEBORAH: What does the digestive juices look like? MATT: It is a coating of semi-translucent film with a very faint green texture to it. But it mostly looks like spittle, a very thick spittle DEBORAH: And I’m covered in it MATT: You’re covered in it. We’re talking Ghostbusters slimer hit covered DEBORAH: As I’m lying on the ground, I wipe it off the front of my face and throw it on the ground and growl at the cabinet MATT: You still have movement DEBORAH: I do have movement. As a bonus action, I can disengage MATT: You can. Half your movement to get prone, if you want to, unless you want to crawl DEBORAH: I think I want to crawl. Am I halved if I crawl? MATT: Yeah DEBORAH: But I’m halved if I stand up anyway MATT: Yeah, your call DEBORAH: I’m going to crawl. I’m going to go back half, so 15 feet MATT: You can get under the table if you want DEBORAH: Yeah, I’m going to go 15 feet back under the table. I can’t hide, but I’m going to get under there because it’s not that smart MATT: You leave this little trail on the ground as you get under the table DEBORAH: Yeah, slug slime MATT: You got it. Nott, you’re up first SAM: Is Jester’s duplicate considered–? MATT: It does not count as an ally SAM: Okay. Well then, I will bonus action– shit I won’t bonus action. I will move away from it MATT: Okay, you step away. It takes an attack of opportunity with you. It’s going to attempt to bite at you and consume you. That is a 15 to hit What’s your armor class? SAM: 16 MATT: You just manage to duck out of the way as it slams shut inches from your body SAM: Okay. I’ll skitter behind near that candelabra and bonus action hide

MATT: You are going to attempt to hide over here or over here? SAM: Well, I was going over– MATT: Oh, this way. You manage to bonus action hide. All right, roll a stealth check SAM: Okay. 19 plus a million. So it’s a– MATT: You feel pretty stealthy SAM: 29, yeah. I think we still have Pass without Trace. 39 MATT: You feel pretty hidden. Just throwing it out there SAM: Then I will attack from my hidden position MATT: All right, so you move back out LAURA: You actually I don’t think have Pass without Trace because I Invoked Duplicity, but whatever MATT: Oh, that’s right, yeah. It’s fine; he’s still hidden SAM: Okay, so that is a 24 to hit MATT: You do have advantage on the attack since it did not see you SAM: Still 24 to hit MATT: Yeah, all right SAM: Let’s see here. (counting) That’s 21, plus I’ll use Fury of the Small. That’s 28. I was going to use one of my explosive arrows, but I have three, and one of them doesn’t work. So I don’t know which one I drew MATT: Roll a d6. On a one or a two, it’s the defunct one SAM: It’s a two! MATT: Perfect! Well, regardless, how do you want to do this? SAM: Where do I shoot on a cabinet? I’ll wait till the doors are just a little open and try to thread the needle and jam it right through its mouth heart MATT: As it vanishes into its mouth heart, the cabinet closes shut. The eyes go wide for a second, and you are waiting for the explosion like, (straining) SAM: It’s filled with pepper MATT: Yeah. It goes (sneezing) and starts sneezing heavily. As it’s sneezing, the wounds that it’s taken are causing it to sneeze up its blood. It is leaving puddles on the ground, until eventually the eyes roll back and it falls on the ground LIAM: That cabinet had a mother! LAURA: That was pretty gross, straight through TALIESIN: Let’s all maybe be a little more careful about the– LIAM: Fjord, Fjord MARISHA: He’s gone LIAM: Yeah, what are we going to do about it, Nott? SAM: Are you okay? DEBORAH: I’m okay. Gnome power of two! MATT: It’s a room filled with books, Caleb SAM: I’m not. I’m a goblin MATT: Make a choice LIAM: I’m going to join the women up top TALIESIN: Is there anything I see on the top of these cabinets? There’s all this space above, and I want to see if there’s anything– MATT: Make a perception check TALIESIN: All right. Come on. I’ll take that That’s a 17 MATT: Looking up there, behind one of the cabinets, you see a small stack of books that haven’t been categorized yet. They’re still locked with the same bronze binder, but it looks like they were set aside, like somebody threw them up there to get to later TALIESIN: Hey– oh god, everybody’s– Twiggy, can you grab that stack of books over there and throw them at Caleb? Or take a look at that DEBORAH: You got it, friend! I run. I’m still covered in disgustingness, so I start wiping it off and shaking like a dog. It flies everywhere MATT: All over the place DEBORAH: Where is it? MATT: Up here is where Caduceus is DEBORAH: Up there, yeah. I’ll scamper up next to him TALIESIN: Let’s take a look at these DEBORAH: Do you want me to take a look at it? TALIESIN: Let’s look at this lock, see if it seems trapped or something, or I don’t know DEBORAH: Yeah, I’ll check it for a trap MATT: Yeah, go for it. Make an investigation check DEBORAH: 25 MATT: They do not appear to be trapped, but they are definitely locked DEBORAH: Okay. Thieves’ tools? MATT: These bronze clasps around their form. Is that for one book? DEBORAH: No, 13 MATT: One book. You try and get there, and the lock breaks. One of your tools snaps inside TALIESIN: Here, wipe it on this. That’s okay DEBORAH: I tried MATT: There’s the second book and the third book DEBORAH: Okay, second book? 21 MATT: That book, the metal brace opens up, and the book is available to you TALIESIN: Hey, Caleb! DEBORAH: Caleb, we got books! LIAM: Are there any sigils or writing anywhere on the frame of the window or in the window? MATT: Make a perception check LIAM: Balls. Five MATT: Looking around, no. You see the smooth glass of different colors, and you see the seams that hold them together where it’s been sealed. You can see the various colors and shapes around it. Nah You’re panicking a bit LIAM: I want to climb down the ladder and look for anything, not books right now, but are there any buttons or switches or anything out of place, anything besides decor and a library? LAURA: Did anybody see what he was doing when he disappeared? MARISHA: Yeah, he was looking in this area. He was like, “Ah”, and then I feel like I saw his head go over here. But then the bookshelf was in the way, so I couldn’t see what he was reaching for

SAM: Did anyone check this desk over here, next to the portrait? MATT: That’s what Caleb checked earlier SAM: What about the far desk, behind the mimic? MATT: No one’s looked at that, necessarily SAM: I’ll go snoop around there MATT: Okay. You are going to head to that desk there. Okay, make an investigation check, and perception check for you LIAM: Perception or investigation? I’m looking for hidden switches, or– MATT: Oh, I see. Then make an investigation check SAM: 18 for me LIAM: 23 MATT: Looking around, you see, amongst all the books that are latched in, there’s one big, beautiful, red leather book with sapphires embedded in it along the base. It’s locked in, and it’s placed ostentatiously in the center of the center bookcase right there. You don’t catch any other hidden chambers, but that stands out TRAVIS: (whispering) Probably not important MATT: You, checking the desk, it is locked. It is arcane locked SAM: So I can’t pick it? MATT: You look it. You’re like, “This is not moving.” You’re not sure if it’s trapped, necessarily. But glancing at it, you’re like, “This is locked,” and it’s locked in a way where you’re not entirely certain. You could try, but it’s going to be a very hard lock SAM: I’ll try MATT: Go for it SAM: Natural ten MATT: (laughs) Total of? SAM: 20 MATT: 20? It’s not budging SAM: Okay DEBORAH: Should we open the last book? SAM: Do you have Knock or something? TALIESIN: What’s the title of the first book that we opened, by the way? DEBORAH: Yeah, is there any markings on the one that we opened? TALIESIN: Not opening it, just looking at the– MATT: Interestingly enough, the books’ titles are not visible. They are blank, and then once the binding comes off, the title appears on the front The title of this says Public Debate Records: Forum of Zeidel SAM: Yawn DEBORAH: Third one? 20 MATT: That one comes off. This one, no title appears. You see instead a burn mark appear on the front, like it’s singed DEBORAH: Hmm TALIESIN: That’s very interesting. Maybe, here, let’s bring it down to the table, and we’ll open it from a distance DEBORAH: Yes. We’ll bring it down and put it on the table. Shall my magic hand do it? MATT: Okay, you’re watching them come over with these two books, and they put them on the table in the center LIAM: So burned book and– DEBORAH: It has a burned slash on it. Should I open it with my magic hand? Everybody stand back? SAM: Yes, of course! We’ve got to find out what’s going on LAURA: I turn around and watch it happen DEBORAH: It goes forward. We’re all standing back MATT: Which book do you open? DEBORAH: The one with the burned slash on it MATT: Okay. As it opens up, the pages pull open and come to rest. Nothing happens LAURA: It’s just a book? MATT: It’s a book. You can see there is a place on the inside where a name might have been placed, but that also has been burned off. You can see from the way it opened up there are a few pages torn out. It looks to be maybe a hundred or so pages LIAM: Nott, Twiggy, would you both come here, please? SAM: Yes, of course LIAM: This book– SAM: The ruby one? LIAM: Ja. Do you see anything that could hurt us by touching this? Do you make anything of this? SAM: I will search for traps DEBORAH: I’m going to help you MATT: It’s investigation SAM: 11 DEBORAH: If I help him, can he have advantage? MATT: Sure. If you’re helping him out, yeah. Roll again SAM: 13 MATT: It’s hard to say. It’s definitely a very pretty book. It’s trying to get your attention by the way it’s designed and placed SAM: Doesn’t look like it’s dangerous. Looks safe MATT: Make a perception check, Caleb LIAM: Ja. 22 MATT: You’re paying attention to this layout. They open up this book on the table, and you glance over at it. You look back, and you look back at the book. Those are spell equations LAURA: On the one on the table? MATT: The one that they just opened on the table SAM: The burned one? MATT: The burned one DEBORAH: Has spell equations in it? Okay LIAM: We have to get Fjord out of that window somehow SAM: Take the book! At least take the book! Hey, I’ve got an idea. I don’t know how much time we have, and yes, we’ve got to find Fjord– LIAM: I’ll touch that book MATT: Touch the one that’s open? Okay. You touch it. It’s a regular book SAM: Caleb, do we have her Happy Fun Ball? LIAM: No

SAM: It’s gone? LAURA: It didn’t come with us SAM: Do you have your haversack? MATT: Make an investigation check, Beau. Since Jester’s helping you at this point, you can do it with advantage because you guys are both glancing at what to do TALIESIN: I’m taking a look at that other book really quickly as well MARISHA: Natural 19. Thank you, Gil. 24 MATT: Skimming over it, you actually wait for a moment where Caduceus is walking and the light hits it. You can see a point on the glass where you can just make out the faint dimming of the reflection across the smooth surface: the fingerprint left by Fjord. In a very Sherlock Holmes moment, you see the one moment across the glass where it’s not quite as shiny, and it’s that single bit of red that’s imbedded in the glass LAURA: What do you see, Beau? MARISHA: Feels like something recent LAURA: Okay MARISHA: I think I know what Fjord did. Hey, Caduceus TALIESIN: Yeah? MARISHA: Or Caleb LIAM: Yeah? MARISHA: Can either one of you put light behind this stained glass? TALIESIN: I can try. I’m going to try MARISHA: Backlight it? TALIESIN: I’m trying to cast Light on the other side of the glass. On the glass, on the other side of the glass MATT: Technically, it has to be something you touch. So you can put it on the glass– TALIESIN: No, I can throw it MATT: Light as a cantrip is a touch spell TALIESIN: Is it a touch spell? Yeah, you are not wrong! LAURA: I’ll get down so that you can get up and cast it TALIESIN: Yeah, I can’t put it on the other side of the glass because I can’t touch the other side of the glass MARISHA: Caleb? LIAM: I will make four globules of light, and I will try to put two of them on our side and two on the other side MATT: Okay. As the globs appear on the opposite end, they’re snuffed out DEBORAH: I think we should touch it, you guys LIAM and SAM: No! MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say. I have a feeling that’s where Fjord is. I think he touched this thing, which… yeah MATT: Make an intelligence check, Caleb LIAM: I don’t know if breaking it is– 12 plus straight add the intelligence? 17 MATT: The void, the vacuous darkness behind this, reminds you very closely to the hallway that you traveled in here on MARISHA: I mean– LIAM: It’s not here MARISHA: It’s maybe the way out TALIESIN: Probably MARISHA: Or somewhere else SAM: Our options right now are to pull the mysterious ruby book, to touch the glass, or to keep searching LIAM: One of you little ones, please, would you use your magical hand to touch– there’s a jar in that drawer and there is a bottle of ink SAM: You want them both? LIAM: If they are safe to touch, but don’t use your fingers DEBORAH: I’ll send my hand for the jar SAM: I’ll get the ink TALIESIN: I’m going to head over towards that other ladder really quickly MATT: Okay. You can go ahead and cork the ink and take it with you LAURA: To come up on the level where Beau is? TALIESIN: Well, there’s that weird desk behind there. Have we looked in that desk that’s behind the–? DEBORAH: Yes, I did. Nott went to look, right? LIAM: That smaller desk? TALIESIN: Yeah, what was in there? SAM: Oh, it’s got an arcane lock. Can you undo an arcane lock? TALIESIN: Maybe SAM: Can you dispel it or something? TALIESIN: I’ll try Dispel Magic. Why the fuck not? MATT: Okay TALIESIN: I cast Dispel Magic on the desk MATT: All righty. Double checking here SAM: A conundrum. Right now Fjord’s having coffee with Grog TRAVIS: (as Fjord) What’s your name? (as Grog) What’s your name?! MATT: You cast Dispel Magic. There’s a release of arcane energy across it– sorry, the divine energy. You see the sparkles slowly fade as your concentration ends TALIESIN: Give it a go SAM: Okay. I’ll try to pick it again, I guess DEBORAH: I’ll help you TALIESIN: I’ll head up to the stained glass MATT: Okay. It’s not locked anymore SAM: Oh, it’s not locked! Oh. We open it! MATT: It’s a (rumbling). It’s one of those roll tops that slides up MARISHA: I want one of those LIAM: Thousand-year-old roll top MARISHA: While they all do that, I go: I’m going to see how Fjord’s doing– (thud)– and hit the ruby MATT: Okay. As this is happening, the glass shatters. You watch as both Beau and Jester get pulled in MARISHA: Oh. Sorry. Oh shit! MATT: It closes back behind them MARISHA: My actions affect other people. Fuck DEBORAH: Twiggy says: The time to be bold is now! I’ll run up and touch the same spot she did SAM: No! Twiggy! Don’t! MATT: (glass shattering) Twiggy’s gone TRAVIS: What a fucking bunch of idiots we are! It’s so good TALIESIN: Let’s take a look to see if there’s anything in that desk

TRAVIS: And then there were three MATT: Half your party is now gone. Who knows where. What are you doing? TALIESIN: I’m grabbing the debate book and we’re looking at that desk and then we’re taking off SAM: Yeah, we’re looking in the desk MATT: Okay. It’s empty TALIESIN: Completely? LAURA: Oh no SAM: Don’t do this! I made this mistake before. It could be alive TALIESIN: Goddamn it. I give up. Let’s go find everybody MATT: All right. You guys go back up? TALIESIN: Yep. This place is weird. I did grab the debate book SAM: Not me. I’m staying with Caleb until the bitter end MATT: Okay. You stay behind. Caduceus, same thing: shatters, pulls him in, and then closes and reforms itself SAM: This is everything we ever wanted: a room full of books and it’s just us. Should we just stay here for a while? LIAM: They’re all locked. All these books are locked SAM: I could pick them all. I just need time DEBORAH: (laughing) Take 20 LIAM: (stuttering) I walk to that shelf over there and are they free? Do the books come off the shelf even though they’re locked? MATT: These books, as you pull, they’re stuck in the shelf. It seems like the mechanism has locked them into place SAM: A mechanism! I can try. I’ll try to unlock the mechanism LIAM: Try a single time SAM: What am I rolling? MATT: This is to unlock. This is your thieves’ tools SAM: 23 MATT: The book comes free LIAM: Okay. I put it in my bag TALIESIN: I like that you never check for traps It really adds to the unknown LIAM: Just do the two next to that one and then we’ll go SAM: Do they look good? LIAM: Yeah, they’re very good TRAVIS: Just the two next to that one LIAM: Just do one more SAM: All right. I’ll try to unlock the next one That’s not as good. 12 MATT: (strained) It’s not moving. It’s not budging SAM: I’ll go to the third one. Ooh, that’s better! 28 MATT: The second one comes free LIAM: Okay. We’re going to go follow them and we’re either going to die or get out of here. I hope we get out of here SAM: But all these books– you’re sure you got all the spell books? We need the spell books LIAM: I need them. Let’s go SAM: I’m going to just see if there’s any loose books on lower shelves that I can grab on my way out LIAM: I climb up and I’m screaming at Nott: Let’s go! SAM: Any other books? MATT: As he’s moving up there? There’s a bunch of shelves: books on the bottom row, there’s the center row with the big shiny book, there’s the top row with the other books– LIAM: Nott, this is torture to me! Let’s go SAM: I take two on the other shelf and let’s go MATT: You go and pull? They’re in place. They’re not loose SAM: Damn it! I’ll try one. Nope. Didn’t work 15 MATT: Okay. Doesn’t work. Doesn’t come free SAM: All right, I’m going MATT: All right. You press the button? LIAM: After you SAM: I can’t reach LIAM: I take her finger and I push our fingers together on it MATT: (glass shattering) Closes behind LIAM: New campaign TALIESIN: Been fun, kids MATT: I’ll move this out of the way SAM: We could have done the ruby book! DEBORAH: I came to destroy your party LIAM: It was a red herring. That was a trap SAM: Or it could’ve been the spell book that answered all your problems MATT: So Fjord. The sensation of being rapidly thrust through darkness at a breakneck speed is tough on you for the moment that it’s there. Your sense of physicality is stretched for just an instant, infinitely. A point of light rapidly growing towards you until you’re pushed through a circular portal of some kind. You’re falling You’re falling forward. Gravity is pulling you this direction. Make an acrobatics check for me TRAVIS: Oh shit. Natural one MATT: You fall 20 feet. Oh, not too bad. You suffer four points of bludgeoning damage as you slam down onto a circular stone dais. It’s rising out of the middle of this chamber about two feet up. You slam into it, get up. There’s a smattering of bone fragments across this platform and the floor around it. Bone fragments, bones. You look around you and you’re standing in the center of an arrow-shaped chamber. It pulls back a little bit behind you, but to the back-right of you, there is a long hallway that goes into darkness that way To the back-left of you, there’s another hallway that goes into darkness behind you. In front of you, the chamber continues on for about another 40 or so feet. There’s a dead end. It curves to a dead end and there is a pedestal in shadow with an orb there set onto this pedestal. Before it sits more corpse fragments surrounding glittering coins

and jewels– lots of jewels and gems– what little bit of low light in here is catching them. What little bit of light there is, it’s just the dull blue light. You can look up and the portal that you fell through is this faint blue sparkling loop that is the only light source in here. The rest of it’s through your darkvision. You can just see the faint flicker of it reflect and refract through these scattered gemstones amongst this pile and a curled mass of deep cerulean blue scales. You hear a heavy snort from under a large, rigid horn as a pair of pale blue eyes open and focus onto you, the body of the large creature remaining at rest while its folded wings twitch. Powerful, but surprisingly slender, this young blue dragon lifts its head to address you SAM: Don’t worry. You got backup in about five minutes (laughter) SAM: We just took a short rest TRAVIS: (high-pitched) I’m okay. I’m a fucking sailor; I’m okay. I miss Grog! SAM: He’s going to talk to you MATT: (snarling) “The smell of unfamiliar sneak thieves finds us. The way is shut to you.” TRAVIS: I apologize (laughter) TRAVIS: I seem to have stumbled somewhere where I am not welcome MATT: “That, you have.” TRAVIS: If you would simply point towards the exit, I would be most obliged MATT: You’re not entirely certain where the pile of loot and the creature’s body really begins It’s partially submerged into this nest that it’s burrowed itself into. Besides from its neck that slowly begins to extend as its head lifts to meet your height, you can’t really see the rest of it It looks you over, its eyes taking in your shape “Where’s the fun in that? Why are you here, little morsel?” TRAVIS: Can I be entirely honest with you? MATT: “Oh, please.” TRAVIS: I have recently been putting my hands where they don’t belong. This time it sent me to you MATT: “And what have we learned?” TRAVIS: Probably to look and not touch MATT: “Good. Tell me, what else have those grubby hands touched? I like to know the flavors to expect.” TRAVIS: Well, you know I do have a very salty variety myself. I’ll summon the falchion in my hand MATT: The falchion appears. At which point, the head curls back and one of the arms (loud impact) You hear coins scatter as the impact sends bits of its loot across the stone floor and into the shadows around. “Ah. It’s been a while since my food has played back.” TRAVIS: Now listen, I don’t want to disturb you any further. I’m just going to see myself out stage left over here. You have a nice day and enjoy your vast fortune. I’ll start to walk

towards that left tunnel MATT: Okay. As soon as you turn, you hear another (loud impact) as the other arm impacts. The ground shakes a little beneath you. Make a perception check with disadvantage because you’re scared as shit TRAVIS: Where’d you get that impression? Natural one! MATT: You can’t even focus. Your eyes blur for a moment TRAVIS: Yeah, small tears LIAM: You got the jake legs MATT: It stands there and goes, “Halas has not returned in an age. You shall keep me entertained “for now.” TRAVIS: That’s funny, I’ve actually heard that name before, Halas. We saw some of his belongings Before you devour me like a tiny little shrimp, would you mind a small request in letting me know who that person was? MATT: Make a persuasion check TRAVIS: I am charismatic. (squealing) 23! Natural 19 MATT: Still standing, you glance over your shoulder and you can see now its form. It’s maybe, from wing tip to wing tip, about 20 or so feet The body itself is not incredibly massive. This is a younger dragon, but it’s still a fucking dragon TRAVIS: Cool when there are six others, seven others. (panicked mumbling) MATT: It turns its head curiously towards you and breathes. As it does, you watch these crackling blue bolts between its teeth, arcing between the jaws. It opens up slightly, the tongue running itself over the front. “I don’t know where he walks these days. It’s been a while, but we have “an arrangement.” TRAVIS: An arrangement, you and he? MATT: “Yes. I keep watch on some of his surroundings and he sends me food and gifts. One “day I’ll be big enough to eat him and this will all be mine. But until then, I’m fine with the flattery.” TRAVIS: How does he send you these, I assume, incredible gifts? MATT: “He leaves little pockets around the world.” TRAVIS: I don’t want to bring up a touchy subject, but I feel like your friend might be dead MATT: He thinks for a second to himself. “Time does move strangely chamber to chamber here. If he “is, well, I guess that makes me lord of the manor.” MARISHA: Oh no MATT: You hear another– (footsteps) TRAVIS: Manor? Are we in a house? MATT: “More or less.” (footsteps) “If you can call the hundred or so chambers here a house.” TRAVIS: Jeez. You know, I hate to leave you without a friend. I mean, if this guy’s up and left you high and dry, maybe I could offer my services MATT: Make a persuasion check. Roll fucking high TRAVIS: 14 MATT: He goes, “Huh. I appreciate the offer, but I tend to work solo and let’s be honest, I’m “hungry.” There are a few flashes from the center of the above hallway as a few bodies fall through Beau and Jester both come falling through, Bill and Ted style. Both of you guys make acrobatics checks for me TRAVIS: I was trying to draw that shit out– LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: You three-point land MARISHA: You’re good! 12! MATT: You three-point land. (bones cracking) (screams) TRAVIS: You have no idea how happy I am to see you. Dragon! MATT: Five point of bludgeoning damage to you. As you land, the dragon rears up, caught off guard, wings up in the air. I’m going to pull the map out (cheering) SAM: Oh my god. D&D Beyond TALIESIN: Oh boy MARISHA: This feels like a lot

TRAVIS: Damn it. Ooh! TALIESIN: Turn it around this way. Oh boy MATT: For this, Jester landed there. Fjord– sorry, Beau is prone there TRAVIS: I started to take a step to the left while facing the dragon MATT: And the dragon is right there LAURA: Okay. The minute he rears up, I’m going to Invoke Duplicity again MATT: Well, let’s roll initiative first TALIESIN: There’s a lot happening here MATT: Rolled really shitty initiative TRAVIS: Did he? MATT: Yeah. He rolled a two. 25 to 20? LIAM: Only those present? MATT: Yeah, only those present. 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 16 MARISHA: 15 LAURA: Six TALIESIN and DEBORAH: Oh boy MATT: Six for Jester? LAURA: Yeah TRAVIS: Why do warlocks only have two fucking spell slots right now? MATT: Top of the round. Fjord, you’re up. Looking down at the end of this chamber, it’s dark There’s no light source, but you have darkvision To perceive anything in there, you have to make an action, but it’s up to you. So your choice right now is focus on the dragon or explore your surroundings TRAVIS: I’m going to focus on the dragon because my friends are here and I’m going to cast Blink MATT: Okay. Over there, we’re going to throw the– Is Blink concentration? TRAVIS: It is not MATT: Correct. So you’re not even concentrating All right, cool. So you cast Blink on yourself TRAVIS: And with my bonus action, I will set Hexblade’s Curse on that blue dragon SAM: (exaggerated Southern accent) Hexblade’s Curse MATT: As you cast on yourself and turn around, releasing your hand towards it, the shadows from the nearby area cling to it like chunks of a venomous symbiote for a second. As they grind into the corners of where its body is, the curse takes effect TRAVIS: All right MATT: That’s the end of your turn, so I think you get to roll, right? TRAVIS: No. Blink was my action MATT: Correct, but at the end of each of your turns– TRAVIS: Oh, I do. I roll. Yep. That is 11 MATT: On 11 or higher, you vanish from the current plane. That’s where you were. You disappear. That ends your go. Beau, you’re up. You’re on the ground. Looking around, there’s a dragon there Fjord turns this way and vanishes. There’s two of these darkened hallways. What are you doing? MARISHA: I turn to Jester and I go: Fjord just fucking vanished again! And I go: I don’t know how this works! I take out the red elemental gem that I’ve had for a very long time, and I… use it. I was going to say I smash it, but then I felt that might be deeply irresponsible because then it could just smash LAURA: Maybe you can punch him with the gem SAM: Punch the gem at him MARISHA: Badminton MATT: Red elemental gem. A fire elemental is summoned as if you cast the Conjure Elemental spell, and the gem’s magic is lost. So as you throw it, it shatters. I don’t have a fire elemental thing on me, so we’ll use this for the time being. As you throw it, it breaks on the ground there. Suddenly, rising from the impact, the flames swirl and build up into a full-fledged fire elemental beneath MARISHA: I go: Fuck him up! MATT: As for the Conjure Elemental spell, let’s see if it gets its action right now TRAVIS: Just hope it listens to what you say MARISHA: God, well, I think it’s one of those things where, if something bad happens, it turns on us DEBORAH: I think it does. I think it’s concentration MARISHA: Yeah, if I lose concentration, but I don’t know– MATT: Yeah, it is concentration, so you’re considered concentrating right now. It’s friendly to you and your companions. Roll initiative for the elemental MARISHA: Okay. What do I– that’s not good MATT: Do you have stats for the elemental? MARISHA: Nope. I did when I was a druid MATT: It’s okay. I’ll find it right now for you, and I’ll text it to you

MARISHA: I can also use D&D Beyond MATT: Yeah, do that. Pull up the fire elemental there. Initiative, what’s the number on there? MARISHA: Search. What’s his initiative? LIAM: You rolled a six MARISHA: Uh-huh. What’s his dex? LIAM: Plus his dex, so nine total MARISHA: Nine. Nein MATT: You got it. That’s your action. Your movement? You’re still prone MARISHA: So I stand MATT: Okay. Half your movement MARISHA: I’m going to back up towards this alcove a little bit, right behind me. Yep. I’m going to use my bonus action to take Patient Defense MATT: You got it. Okay. That ends your turn. The fire elemental’s turn now. It goes. It is next in the initiative order MARISHA: Okay, I would like for it to get up to it and to do melee attacks MATT: Go for it LAURA: Is the dragon still on the ground, or is it– MATT: It’s still on the ground. The mini has it flying up, but it hasn’t risen yet MARISHA: Hang on, sorry. I’m going to do the multiattack, so two touch attacks. First one, that’s okay. Wait, what am I? Sorry LIAM: Plus that. Plus six for your touch attack, so 18 MATT: 18 just hits TRAVIS: It lights up this place for you big time MARISHA: 18 is the dragon’s AC MATT: Correct. Does it catch fire? MARISHA: And then one more attack. Oh, yes, and it does 2d6 plus three, which is five plus three Eight, and it does catch on fire. Then it’s going to do another attack, which, I think it fails. It definitely fails MATT: Okay, that’s the end of the fire elemental’s turn. Is it going to stay there or going to move? MARISHA: No, it’s going to stay there and be like: What’s up, I’m a fire elemental MATT: Jester, you’re up LAURA: Okay. I’m going to cast Spirit Guardians on myself MATT: Okay. You are now concentrating on Spirit Guardians. It’s a wisdom save for the dragon. Is it friendly? Oh, look at that. Thank you for pulling that out for me. Even better SAM: Fire elemental. All the toys MATT: You’re amazing. That’s a wisdom saving throw, right? LAURA: Yeah MATT: It rolled a natural 17 plus one, so 18 LAURA: So it saves MATT: It takes half damage, though LAURA: Okay, so do I roll damage right now? MATT: You do LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. No, I think it’s at the top of its turn, isn’t it, that you said? TALIESIN: I think manifest and then on the top of its turn MATT: That’s what I thought it was LAURA: Okay TALIESIN: It’s both. Oh boy MATT: Wait. An affected creature– no, it’s when it start its turn. You’re right. We’ll come back to it LAURA: Okay. Then I’m going to back up MATT: Okay. Which direction? LAURA: The opposite direction that Fjord went Yeah, to about there. I can’t do anything for a bonus action right now, can I? I can’t dodge or something as a bonus action? MATT: No, it’s an action, unfortunately. Only Beau gets to do that because she’s a cool monk LAURA: Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, then I’m going to chill out and say: Oh no MATT: Okay. That ends your go LAURA: Oh wait! Oh, I backed up. That’s okay MATT: Well, the dragon is going to take its turn The dragon is going to turn this way as it moves around the fire elemental that struck it. First, it takes d6 damage, right, from being on fire? MARISHA: It takes d10 damage MATT: d10 damage. Roll a d10 MARISHA: Eight! MATT: Eight points of damage. “Insolent creatures.” (footsteps) Turns around on the fire elemental and releases this burst of electrical energy. This lightning bolt arcs from the front of its snout or channeled the horn through the fire elemental and towards Beau MARISHA: Okay MATT: Spirit Guardians MARISHA: I have Patient Defense MATT: Correct, so you’re too far away from it. So it doesn’t take any damage. Patient Defense doesn’t do anything. You have to make a dexterity saving throw, and the fire elemental does as well MARISHA: Okay. Dexterity saving throw. Okay. 21 MATT: That’s a success. Roll for the fire elemental

MARISHA: Can I use evasion, or does that matter right now? MATT: Evasion happens– oh yeah, so you take no damage MARISHA: I take no damage. Evasion, yeah MATT: You take no damage. Roll a dexterity saving throw for the fire elemental. You duck out of the way. It strikes the wall, the stone exploding from the impact MARISHA: Not good MATT: The fire elemental takes 55 points of lightning damage ALL: Ooh! TRAVIS: Fifty-fucking-five?! LAURA: Get the fuck out! That would kill us instantly if it hits us! At least, it would almost kill me instantly LIAM: It would kill me TRAVIS: (screaming) Oh, Matthew! SAM: Why would you do this to Deborah Ann Woll? TRAVIS: I’m sorry I touched the window! DEBORAH: Deborah Ann Woll has a plan! Get to where I fall in! I’m still in inter-dimensional space! MARISHA: You said 57 damage? MATT: Correct MARISHA: 52 damage? MATT: 52 damage. No, I’m sorry, 55 SAM: Maybe we can give it the rotten drug fruit that we have MATT: It’s going to then fly back around to get a better area. This is actually going to take up in the air LIAM: How high is the ceiling in here? MATT: The ceiling is 20 feet, so it gets to max at the very top. It’s ten feet above anybody, so it’s out of melee range unless somebody can get to the top MARISHA: Wow. This is bad TRAVIS: Boom! Ah! MARISHA: I have evasion. That’s the only reason I’m okay LIAM: Wait, that seems much higher than 20 feet MATT: It’s 20 feet. It’s right there LIAM: It’s hovering above. Thanks MATT: The mini looks like it’s flying when it’s not. Now it’s flying. It’s at the base level LIAM: I’m with you now MATT: The fire elemental does get an attack of opportunity as it moves out of its range Shrugs it off MARISHA: Okay. Yes, it hits. I rolled a 17 MATT: 17 just misses MARISHA: No, a natural 17 plus six MATT: It does hit. Roll damage TRAVIS: 17 misses? MATT: The flames are burning around its body. It doesn’t even pay attention TRAVIS: Get me the fuck out of here. We’re level seven. Why did we do this? SAM: You did it! MARISHA: Ten damage MATT: Ten damage. Not bad. That’s top of the round, so (approaching screams). Next up, I believe, was it Caduceus first? DEBORAH: Did you go first, and then I went after you? TALIESIN: I think we went– we may have– MATT: In the same round DEBORAH: Same round, yeah MATT: Yeah, so we’ll say both of you guys drop Both of you roll initiative. First of all, acrobatics check LIAM: Two minutes later SAM: We got some books MATT: Yeah, you read some books DEBORAH: 14 for me, acrobatics MATT: Okay, 14. You’re fine TALIESIN: 19 MATT: 19. You both are fine, so you land. You actually fall past the dragon. (screams) TALIESIN: Oh boy! MATT: You land on the ground like, “What?!” (wings flapping) There’s a fire elemental burning over here on the side. It’s absolute chaos. Both of you guys now roll initiative. See where you end up on the initiative order TALIESIN: 18 MATT: 18. Caduceus is up first DEBORAH: 13 for me MATT: And 13. So top of the round, Caduceus, you’re up first. Fjord is nowhere to be seen. You can see this giant shadowy mark on the stone where electricity is dissipating and Beau looks like she just saw a ghost, maybe shit herself MARISHA: Hey, speak for yourself! MATT: Just the look! I’m not saying you did, but you have the look. Jester is surrounded by sparkling unicorns and is just like, “Uh!” What are you doing? TALIESIN: Oh wow! Fuck it, I’m going to try it I’m going to try to cast Bane on this thing MATT: Okay TALIESIN: Is that insane? I don’t know if that’s insane MATT: Saving throw is? TALIESIN: It’s a 16 Charisma. That may be insane MATT: Charisma. Plus three. That’s a ten. It fails TRAVIS: Yeah! That was a good gamble! MATT: So that now has Bane on it. Boop! All the circles! TALIESIN: That means attacks and save rolls are now a d4 negative MATT: Correct TALIESIN: All right LIAM: Nice! MATT: Bane on that. I’ll make that a yellow one There we go LAURA: Is it a negative d4? MATT: Negative d4 to all its attacks and saving throws. So you cast that, and then you have your movement and bonus TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to turn invisible TRAVIS: We’re all bouncing! MATT: Nope, nope, nope! TRAVIS: The monk’s like, “Really?!” MARISHA: Where are all my friends? Bullshit! MATT: (singing) Where has Fjord the cowboy gone? TALIESIN: I’m going to run towards– MATT: Towards Jester? TALIESIN: Actually, I’m closer to that hallway Yeah, I see them over there. I’m going to run

towards that hallway full speed MATT: This one, or this one? TALIESIN: This one MATT: Okay, so (counting) 30 TALIESIN: Yep MATT: It is dark in this hallway. There’s no light source, so just be aware. That ends your turn Fjord, you’re going to appear ten feet from where you were TRAVIS: Ten feet closer to the end of the hallway MATT: You appear there TRAVIS: I will use all 30 feet of my movement to head toward the end to see what the fuck’s down here MATT: You rush up to the very end, and you come upon a small alcove and a small crystal, a faint turquoise green-blue coloration to it. Similar to the flash that consumed the room when the sphere was being puzzled. There looks to be a groove running across and down the base of it, and across the floor, and you glance over and there’s a groove running all the way down the hallway across the floor LIAM: Give it to Fjord, he’ll touch anything! SAM: (laughter) He will! MATT: The crystal is dull. It is dark and it is just there TRAVIS: Did I learn anything? I don’t know what to do. I’ll turn around and I’ll fire two Eldritch Blasts at the dragon MATT: All righty. Roll for an attack twice TRAVIS: I hope that’ll fucking hit. That is a 24? MATT: 24 hits TRAVIS: Great. Second one is 23 MATT: Both hit! Roll damage TRAVIS: Oh great, that’s 16 points of Eldritch Blast MATT: Nice! TRAVIS: And 12 points of Eldritch MATT: As you peer and run down the side, turning around and firing these bolts out, they light up the hallway as they arc past, blasting into the side of the scaled armor as they both hit. The blasts hit and take damage, but it’s a dragon. It looks over, “I see you, morsel.” TRAVIS: No, you don’t! You do! Four! MATT: It flickers in and out, and you’re still standing there TRAVIS: Shit! (screams) MATT: You added your curse damage on that, right? TRAVIS: What’s that? MATT: You add your curse damage? TRAVIS: I did. Yeah, the plus three to each time MATT: That ends your turn, Fjord. Beauregard, you’re up MARISHA: I saw Fjord dart that way, and I heard screams coming from that way– TRAVIS: They were manly screams! MARISHA: Manly screams! I’m going to run this way past Jester and check out this hall. My speed is 45 MATT: (counting) MARISHA: What do I see? MATT: You get there. You see this small alcove with a green-blue crystal that’s resting there, and a groove that’s running along the ground and across the wall and continues all the way down the length of the hall. You turn around and can see that both of them meet in the center, and then go in towards the platform in the middle MARISHA: In towards the platform or the casket? What’s with the casket situation? I don’t know MATT: This was the raised pedestal you saw behind the dragon. You guys haven’t even looked at that yet because you just saw a dragon and fucking ran MARISHA: Into the platform. I’m going to touch it! I’m going to touch the crystal MATT: Okay. You touch the crystal. It’s cold MARISHA: Did anything happen? MATT: No MARISHA: I go: (shouting) Work!– into it MATT: Okay MARISHA: (shouting) Energy! No? Okay MATT: Nothing MARISHA: I have a bonus action? I’m going to use my bonus action to cast another ki point to do Step of the Wind and dash back towards the pedestal MATT: (counting) MARISHA: To the pedestal. That’s– yeah MATT: All right. You’re underneath the dragon now, feeling the wind blowing down from the wings, scattering dust and bone pieces around. You’re having to squint your eyes from the bit of debris that’s being kicked up from its wings MARISHA: As I dart by Jester, I go: fucking crystals! And that’s it LAURA: I know, right? MATT: That finishes Beau’s go. Twiggy, you’re up You see Beau vanish down and come back, “Fucking “crystals, right?” DEBORAH: Now I heard it yell at whatever– down this line– I can’t see that it’s him, though MATT: At this distance– You have darkvision 60 feet, right? DEBORAH: I do have darkvision MATT: You can see him down there DEBORAH: Okay, I see Fjord down there. Is it conceivable that he’s fairly distracted with this, and he’s not paying that much attention to me? MATT: It’s conceivable. You’re a tiny little thing DEBORAH: I’m a tiny little thing MATT: That hasn’t done anything yet DEBORAH: I’m so little. I’m going to attempt to hide from his sight. That hides me, so I use my bonus action to just get hidden a little bit. Is there anything I can– MATT: Unfortunately, you are next to a very bright fire elemental that is lighting up the area. You

might have to creatively use the space. There are outcroppings– DEBORAH: Go to the outcropping MATT: You’d have to move into another area to try and get– DEBORAH: All right, I’m not adjacent to it because it’s up, right? MATT: Correct DEBORAH: Okay, I’ll back into that alcove and attempt to hide in the alcove MATT: Okay, you are small DEBORAH: I am tiny MATT: See if you can try it. It’s going to have a higher DC DEBORAH: 15? To hide? Okay MATT: You may or may not be DEBORAH: Maybe not. We’ll see. I want to cast– I conjure back into my imagination. I remember that portrait that was up above the desk in the other room, and I go: Fuck, this better work! I start to bring my hand down through the top of my body, and I make myself look like that portrait of who we think is Halas. Now, I’m only a foot taller than myself. So I’m a four and a half-foot tall Halas But I have a lot of presence, okay? SAM: Mini Halas DEBORAH: I stride forward. I go, in my raspiest, most male voice I say: Hey! You look bigger than the last time I saw you! (laughter) SAM: (as Halas) Have you put on weight? DEBORAH: You’ve grown! MATT: Make a deception check DEBORAH: I’m really bad at charisma, you guys LIAM: Roll high TRAVIS: You got it! MARISHA: Oh, but it was so good! DEBORAH: But I’m just playing it MATT: Yeah, you’re playing it. You’re owning it as you stroll forward, creepy extended fingers and billowing robe. The dragon is like: (winging flapping) DEBORAH: It’s a nine MATT: And just looks right back at Fjord. It’s paying about as much attention to you as it did when you arrived. So you haven’t angered it DEBORAH: I haven’t angered it MATT: But it doesn’t seem to be convinced, necessarily. Unfortunately. Dragons are pretty perceptive. Good call, though. That ends your turn? Fire elemental’s go MARISHA: He multi-attacks MATT: But can it fly? MARISHA: No. It can’t MATT: It’s out of range, unfortunately MARISHA: He sheds bright light in a 30-foot radius MATT: (burning) There you go. Does it stay put or move anywhere? LIAM: He could hold an attack MARISHA: Can he move forward a little bit? Yeah, can he hold his attack in case he’s in range? MATT: Sure. He can ready his attack in case the dragon comes in range MARISHA: Yeah MATT: You got it. That ends its go. Jester, you’re up SAM and DEBORAH: Come on, Jester! SAM: Disguise Self as Halas MATT: Just fill the chamber with Halases! LAURA: I’m going to go– LIAM: Halas, Halas, Halas! LAURA: Okay, Traveler, please let this work. I’m going to cast Polymorph on the dragon MATT: Okay, what’s the saving throw on that? LAURA: Wisdom saving throw of 15 SAM: And he’s got Bane or something MATT: And a negative d4 to that He rolled a 15 minus three (cheering) MATT: What do you Polymorph the dragon into? LAURA: I’m going to Polymorph him into– oh god I’m going to Polymorph him into a crimson weasel But at the same time, I’m going to go: (shouting) Catch him! Because somebody has to catch him SAM: Oh god, yes MATT: Okay, just so you’re aware– roll an intelligence check for me real fast LAURA: Oh no. I’m really stupid, though LIAM: You don’t want to goldfish it LAURA: A six? MATT: Okay, gotcha. It turns into this tiny crimson weasel. I don’t have a mini for that, necessarily LAURA: Beau, do you have a reaction? MATT: Here, we’ll go there. That’ll work LIAM: Missile snare? LAURA: Yeah, would it be like missile snare? Right underneath it? MATT: It falls down ten feet DEBORAH: Oh, it’s going to take damage LAURA: Oh, it’s got too much? DEBORAH: Well, it’s going to take damage, and then it might end MATT: It takes one point of damage. It’s still in its form, but the fire elemental is in range and is readying its attack, so fire elemental attacks it MARISHA: I shouldn’t have readied an attack! SAM: How would you know? DEBORAH: How would you know? It’s so dramatic! MARISHA: First one, yep, it hits with a 20, which is nine points of damage. Sorry! MATT: As the elemental slams the tiny weasel, the weasel reverts to the dragon form MARISHA: And he gets another attack. Oh no, wait, he can only hold one attack

MATT: Yeah, not the player. Well, no, I’ll let you guys do all of your attacks, but I’ll let the enemies do it, too MARISHA: He hits with this one, as well MATT: All right, roll damage MARISHA: I’m sorry! MATT: It’s okay. That’s the thing you have to consider with Polymorph. You have to decide if it’s going to take damage if you’re going to put it in a tiny form LAURA: Yeah, I didn’t hear– MATT: It’s all good MARISHA: 11 MATT: 11 points of damage. That was an awesome maneuver TRAVIS: So good MARISHA: I mean, I shouldn’t have fucking held his attack SAM, LAURA, and LIAM: How would you know? MATT: Yeah, it’s all good. That finishes your go, Jester. It’s now the dragon’s turn LAURA: Oh wait, I want to back up MATT: You want to back up? This way? LAURA: No, I’ll stay there. Am I within 15 feet of him if he’s on the ground? MATT: Spiritual Guardians has faded because you cast Polymorph. So you’re backing up this way? LAURA: Yeah. What a giant waste SAM: It was not MARISHA: You’ve got him in range MATT: It is. It’s in range now. Now it’s his turn It takes fire damage at the top. Roll a d10 for the fire damage MARISHA: Six MATT: Six points of fire damage. All right, I’m going to roll and see. Yeah, that’s a six. It gets its lightning breath back. Infuriated by the fact that you just turned it into a tiny little weasel, it’s going to turn this way and release another arc of lightning down. I need both Beauregard and Jester to make dexterity saving throws, please MARISHA: I can use evasion again, right? MATT: Yeah, evasion’s just an ability you have MARISHA: If I succeed. Fuck yes! TALIESIN: Wow. That was a roll LAURA: Oh, I rolled a natural 20! I wasn’t even looking at it! MATT: All right, that’s half LAURA: And I cast Hellish Rebuke as soon as it hits me. If I’m alive TALIESIN: That’s a lot of rolling right now, Matthew LIAM: It was 50-something last time MATT: It’s 51 points of lightning damage. You succeeded, so it’s halved. You take 25, and you succeeded MARISHA: I rolled a 25 total MATT: So you take none LAURA: I use Hellish Rebuke, and I go: That hurt! In Infernal. Oh god MATT: So you cast Hellish Rebuke LAURA: Yes MATT: Nothing comes out. The ice gathers around you and then rockets behind you. No effect LAURA: (gasps) I turn MATT: You turn around and look at the crystal, and the crystal is now glowing. The light that emanates from the blue-green crystal travels down and arcs through the hallway, hits the center, and gives a faint line towards this object across the way. Twiggy and Beau, you guys can see, as it hits the center, this very faint trickle of energy is now hitting this far pillar where the darkened sphere is standing MARISHA: Twiggy LAURA: That was cold damage! MARISHA: It was cold? That was awesome DEBORAH: Fire on the other one? I don’t know MATT: That finishes– well, the dragon’s going to try and fly up again MARISHA: Fire and ice LAURA: Oh, well, that’s good. You get an attack, and the fire gets an attack MATT: Both of you do. You and the fire elemental do MARISHA: Yeah, we got it in range. I’m sorry I killed him LAURA: No, I’m sorry I just made a weasel and not a fucking cow or something MARISHA: So I get an attack, and Sentinel MATT: I know MARISHA: No! MATT: What’d you roll? MARISHA: A four MATT: A four. Yeah, so it gets out of your reach Miss. The fire elemental does get another attack as well MARISHA: Natural 20 MATT: Roll critical damage for the fire elemental The dragon, however, does still manage to get out of melee range and get itself up in the air MARISHA: Five, ten, plus another 13 damage MATT: 13 damage? Okay MARISHA: Right? It’s dice times two MATT: Correct. With the rest of its ten feet up it’s going (counting). The dragon is now currently hovering over– MARISHA: It’s going after Jester? MATT: Yeah, we’ll say it’s there. The dragon, seeing the glyphs light up, is now turning– MARISHA: Is it its turn? MATT: Yeah, it just finished its turn blasting and uses its movement to move up MARISHA: It takes fire damage, too MATT: That’s true. You get another ten fire damage MARISHA: Another six MATT: Got it. That finishes that round. Next round, top of it, we have– no, because you guys came in last round TRAVIS: Nott and Caleb MATT: Nott and Caleb, you guys have a few more rounds. You dilly-dallied back there SAM: We could stay here, Caleb

MATT: You guys are looking through books right now MARISHA: Oh wait, no, it’s the elemental’s turn, right? The elemental goes after the dragon? MATT: The elemental went after Twiggy. It already went. It held its action, remember? MARISHA: That’s right MATT: Caduceus. You’re up TALIESIN: Okay, I saw a bit of this go down MATT: Correct. You are no longer invisible TALIESIN: Nope, I’m back MATT: You saw none of this. You were over here in this chamber. All you saw was a blue thing go (buzzing). That’s all you know TALIESIN: Lightning– MATT: You saw lightning go down there. You heard a scream. You saw a blue glow (buzzing) up the– TRAVIS: I’m down here now going (screaming) TALIESIN: I was basically going to try this before, anyway. I’m going to start heading, so I can get a better view, towards the edge of there Yeah, just so I can hold if I need to. Yeah, there’s no Caleb. I’m going to yell: Duck! And I’m going to ready a shot of Sacred Flame. Actually, Sacred Flame’s not a bolt; it’s an appearance. I’m going to hit Sacred Flame on the crystal MATT: Which one? TALIESIN: On the one behind us. The one at the end of the– behind Fjord MATT: Okay. You release Sacred Flame. The flame burns up around it, dissipates. No effect TALIESIN: Hmm, weird. All right. That’s my turn MATT: Okay. Brings us to Fjord TRAVIS: It burned up around it and didn’t do anything? MATT: Mm-hmm LIAM: What kind of damage? TRAVIS: God, what do I do? Cast Armor of Agathys on myself and smash my head into the crystal? MATT: I mean, if you want to try it TRAVIS: It’s cold damage MARISHA: Yeah. Do the football body slam LAURA: Even casting the spell in its vicinity. Try casting it TRAVIS: I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself at 4th level (laughter) MATT: Okay. All the moisture in the air gets pulled in and clings itself to the outside of Fjord as this icy, encased chunk of arcane armor that gives off this mist around his torso TRAVIS: (laughing) I smash my head into the crystal LIAM: Wait, is there any armor on your head? MATT: Yeah, sure! It creates this banded partial helmet, and you crack into the crystal. The armor shatters off of you, and into the crystal. The crystal glows. You’re a bit dazed by it, but the light tears down to the center of the chamber. The light actually brightens in the center, and there the central orb that’s there that’s been dark suddenly lights up with the same dull blue-green glow as the coloration on the floor and the coloration that you noticed very faintly coming from the inside of the orb when you initially were inspecting it TRAVIS: Can I use my movement now to run up towards the tunnel where Caduceus is in the direction that the light moved? If I roll less than an 11 on Blink, does the spell end or is it every turn? MATT: Every turn you have to keep doing it TRAVIS: Okay, great MATT: You can end the spell prematurely if you want to TRAVIS: Well, apparently I am fucking terrified. I shit my pants and I can’t Blink MATT: God! Why won’t it happen? Okay, that ends Fjord’s go. Beau, you’re up MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to run over here to the altar-casket situation and I’m going to quickly check it out. What do I do? MATT: Okay, so you walk up there, you look down It’s just a large pillar with intricate carvings and you see runes along the side that are darkened. There is a sphere about that big that looks similar in size to the one the got you here, but it’s not as intricate. It’s more of a metal ball that has hollow runes carved in it that the glowing blue-green light is emanating from. It’s lighting it from underneath the faint glow and it’s lightning the middle of this small alcove MARISHA: Do I still have an action? MATT: Yeah, that was just your movement MARISHA: Can I try and replicate on this sphere the movements I watched Twiggy do to get us here? MATT: Sure. You reach out and touch the sphere (whooshing), Beau’s gone MARISHA: No! Fucking– SAM: Bye! MARISHA: Hope it’s home TRAVIS: “Hope it’s home.” MATT: That’s your turn. Twiggy, you’re up DEBORAH: Oh boy! MATT: The fire elemental, right now, is no longer under Beau’s control. The thread has been severed

that was keeping it controlled as an elemental MARISHA: There’s that whole thing about them which I kind of knew going into this. Sorry. Bye! DEBORAH: Shit SAM: Yasha’s just like looking around the boat MATT: Yep, for the next hour, the elemental is considered an enemy SAM: Oh god MATT: What are you doing, Twiggy? There’s Jester currently now pinned in the back of this hallway by a dragon flying in the air. It’s about ten feet above it DEBORAH: Am I adjacent to the fire elemental? MATT: You are DEBORAH: I am. Okay MATT: You are now within its melee range because you are now considered an enemy. It was originally whirling there and then all the sudden as Beau disappears it (growling) DEBORAH: Okay, I’m going to take out a stick of gum, I’m going to open it, I’m going to chew it a little bit, and I’m going to take it out and then I am going to pluck one of my eyelashes and put it inside the gum, and I’m going to keep chewing it and then I’m going to blow a bubble and the bubble is going to get bigger and bigger until it’s bigger than me. When it pops, it covers my whole body and I disappear. So I go invisible MATT: That is my favorite descriptor of Invisibility I think I’ve ever heard in the history of my gaming experience DEBORAH: It says “an eyelash encased in gum arabic.” MATT: That makes me so happy DEBORAH: All right, so I go invisible. That’s my action MATT: You do DEBORAH: Do I need to use my bonus action to disengage or can I not? MATT: It still knows you’re there. It will have disadvantage on an attack as you move from melee DEBORAH: Right MATT: Or you could just use bonus action to disengage DEBORAH: Or I could use my– okay MATT: Or just assume that it might miss, up to you DEBORAH: Assume it might miss TRAVIS: Yeah, assume 55 points’ll miss DEBORAH: I’m going to disengage from it MATT: Okay TALIESIN: Fudge DEBORAH: 25 feet. (counting) Shit. Sorry, guys TALIESIN: No, no, no TRAVIS: It’s just a dragon and a fire elemental Yeah, take your time DEBORAH: What am I going to do? Okay, I’m going to– I can use it– oh, I already used my bonus action. Damn it, that’s why I didn’t want to do it. All right, I run to the pedestal, but I don’t touch the thing MATT: Okay. 25. You’re right there DEBORAH: Yeah, I’m right there. Okay MATT: Okay, that ends your go. That brings us to the fire elemental’s turn. The fire elemental does not know where you are. It’s going to move to the closest target. It’s actually going to, as part of its fire form– TALIESIN: Is the dragon the closest to it? I mean– DEBORAH: It would attack anything, right? MATT: The fire elemental is going to move through both of you. As it bursts through, you both burst into flames. So both of you are on fire MARISHA: Oh, sorry. It’s half-dead MATT: It is. It is going to attempt to attack each of you once, since you’re both within his attacking. Fjord, that is a 17 to hit? TRAVIS: That is my armor class MATT: All right. You take 11 points of fire damage TRAVIS: Okay. That’s reduced by– Oh. How much– MATT: The armor’s gone. It was consumed by the crystal TRAVIS: That makes it simple MATT: That is going to be a 19 to hit you, Caduceus? TALIESIN: 19? Goddamn it. Yeah, that hits MATT: You take seven points– sorry, ten points of fire damage. That’s going to end its turn. Jester, your turn LAURA: It’s my turn? TALIESIN: Ten points? 11 points? MATT: Ten points TALIESIN: Ten points, and I’m on fire MATT: Yes. Which means at the top of your turns, you take 1d10 fire damage, unless you use an action to put it out LAURA: Okay, well– MARISHA: Sorry LAURA: Taking a cue from Fjord, I’m going to cast Blink on myself SAM: Hey! MATT: Okay TALIESIN: Yeah! LAURA: Then if I try to run underneath the dragon– MATT: Make a concentration check for me LAURA: — he’s going to get an attack of opportunity on me? MATT: It’s above you, it won’t get an attack of opportunity on you LAURA: No? Okay, then I’m just going to dash underneath it MATT: So you’re not going to cast the spell? LAURA: No, by dash, I mean run. Sorry MATT: (counting) 30. You get there. Roll a d20 TALIESIN: Is it a straight d20? MATT: It’s your constitution saving throw TALIESIN: Oh, 19 MATT: You’re fine LAURA: No. I rolled a three MATT: You’re still there. You get there and the magic just sputters for a second. Not going to save you, unfortunately LAURA: Okay, then for my bonus action– I get a bonus action?

MATT: Yeah LAURA: Yeah– Oh I can’t. Oh! I’m going to use– Nope. I’ve already used a spell. Fucking balls! I’m going to do nothing. I’m going to tremble MATT: Aww. All right, end of Jester’s turn. The dragon’s turn TALIESIN: On fire MATT: Yes, it takes d10 damage. I’m going to roll that. That’s a nine. All right TRAVIS: Is it looking rough? Real rough? MATT: No LAURA: He’s bloodied. He’s definitely bloodied TRAVIS: Pieces of his ribs showing through? MATT: He’s getting close to– You’re starting to see some wear and tear LAURA: Okay. A single scale is chipped away LIAM: 68% guys MATT: Does not get his dragon’s breath back TALIESIN: Thank god MATT: So instead, it’s going to swoop down towards Jester, trying to prevent you from escaping TRAVIS: But look how cute she is MATT: So it makes three attacks. One with its bite, two with its claws. First attack at Jester Okay, that’s a 14 to hit LAURA: Misses! It misses TALIESIN: Minus a d4 MATT: Right TALIESIN: Just in general MATT: Yeah. As it strikes with its claw, you pull your shield up, sparks fly off as its claw arcs across the outside of your shield. It strikes with its other claw. Ooh, that’s a natural 19 plus– that’s 28, minus one, 27 SAM and LAURA: That hits MATT: I’m pretty sure that’s it. Yeah, so the claw strike manages. As the shield pulls away from the first hit, you’re not able to get back quick enough and the second claw goes right across your torso for 15 points of slashing damage LAURA: Cool MATT: The bite is going to come after you. That is going to be a 19 to hit? Minus a d4. Minus four It’s going to be a 15 to hit TALIESIN: Fuck yeah! Bane! MATT: As it goes to bite towards you, its jaws open, you pull back and you instinctively put the shield up to block it and its mouth comes down on the shield, holding on to it. Caduceus in the back focuses for a second and you watch the jaw weaken and pull back. Readying itself for another strike That ends its turn. That brings us to the top of the round. Caduceus, you’re up You guys are looking at books still. I’m sorry LIAM: It’s cool SAM: I think I can unlock this one! MARISHA: Meanwhile TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m on fire MATT: You do. You take– TALIESIN: Can I do anything about that? MATT: You can spend an action to do so. You take six points of fire damage TALIESIN: That’s okay. Six points of fire damage is fine. I’m going to book it towards that fucking altar. That’s 30. I can spend an action to go MATT: To get there, yes TALIESIN: But people are still fucking down, aren’t they? MATT: Well, people are in a couple of rough places, and you’re still missing Caleb and Nott Up to you. You still have an action to use TALIESIN: Fudge. I’m going to do something dumb Don’t leave a man behind MATT: I like dumb TALIESIN: I’m going to– this is going to get weird. Halfway through my run, actually right before I start my run, I’m going to cast Meld into Stone LAURA and LIAM: Meld into Stone TRAVIS: You’re going to what? LIAM: He’s going to Blues Traveler it MATT: All right. It’s not concentration TALIESIN: It’s not concentration. Casting Meld into Stone so that when I end my turn, in theory, I will not be on fire any more because I’ll be inside of the stone MATT: I’ll allow that TALIESIN: Thank you MATT: The flame goes out because there’s no air for it to breathe. Do you step into it here? TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m actually just going to walk– MATT: He Homer Simpsons into the stone wall TALIESIN: I go and I’m going to take my 30 feet straight towards the wall. I can’t see anything, but I can move MATT: You can use your movement to leave the stone where you entered it, which ends the spell. You don’t get to move through the stone TALIESIN: I’m going to walk all the way MATT: It’s a lie-and-wait type of spell. Like merge into it and stay there for up to eight hours, and then once you leave it. But the fire’s out and you have your movement TALIESIN: I would know how the spell– I’m going to get as much movement as I can and then hold for the turn MATT: 25, 30. You’re in the stone, currently in the wall. Got it. That ends your turn, Caduceus Fjord, you’re up SAM: Twiggy’s invisible. Beau’s gone. Caduceus is stone. This is going great MATT: This is going great, guys TRAVIS: I take 1d10 fire damage, right? MATT: Yep, you do. You take three points of fire damage TRAVIS: Okay. I will use my movement to– where the fuck am I? To run towards the pedestal Actually, I’m sorry. Let’s come this way, to Jester

MATT: Okay, so (counting) 25 TRAVIS: (repeatedly) Uh-huh MATT: What’re you doing? TRAVIS: Let me take back half that movement and I’ll go here MATT: Okay TRAVIS: I’m going to– I can’t bail on Jester. I’m going to fire two Eldritch Blasts at the dragon, trying to get its attention MATT: Roll two attacks TRAVIS: 25 and a 22 MATT: Both hit. Roll damage TRAVIS: Seven points of Eldritch Blast. Ten. So 17 total MATT: Nice. It gets hit twice. I’ll say, go ahead and make an intimidation check. Just as part of this attack, since this was your intent TRAVIS: 21 MATT: You have the dragon’s attention. He was slashing into Jester, and after that, twice in the side of the head, it (growling) back towards you TRAVIS: Do I have to roll blink if I don’t– MATT: You can choose to end the spell TRAVIS: But I think, doesn’t it take an action or I can just choose? MATT: That’s a good question. Let’s go ahead and check. It should tell you on the spell TRAVIS: It says, “you can dismiss this spell as an action.” MATT: Ah. So no LAURA: No, you have to roll for it TRAVIS: Bye! (groaning) TRAVIS: The one fucking time I didn’t want to TALIESIN: We are making some interesting calls tonight. It’s exciting MATT: That ends Fjord’s go. Beau, you’re out Twiggy, you’re up DEBORAH: Okay. I’m invisible, so I have advantage? MATT: For an attack you do, yes DEBORAH: For an attack? Okay, so I realize it’ll end my invisibility to do this, but I pop back out of my invisibility and I’m going to snipe one at him with advantage MATT: Okay, go for it. Is this with your bow? DEBORAH: My shortbow TALIESIN: You got a shortbow? DEBORAH: I got a shortbow. 18 plus seven MATT: That definitely hits, and it is sneak attack because he doesn’t see you DEBORAH: So great MATT: You appear in that space and you let loose an arrow that sinks itself right into the heart and scaled underhide of the blue dragon DEBORAH: I say: You’re mean! That’s ten on my initial hit, and then my sneak, seven and ten. So 17 additionally to the ten. So 27 points of damage MATT: 27 points of damage. It’s looking hurt. You can see blood emitting from some of its wounds DEBORAH: As a bonus action, I’m going to attempt to hide behind the pedestal MATT: Okay, so you move behind the pedestal? DEBORAH: Yeah. 15 MATT: You believe that you are hidden DEBORAH: I believe I’m hidden, you guys MATT: Fire elemental’s turn. It goes this way. I’m going to go ahead and– Jester. Roll a d6. On a one, two, three, it attacks you. On a four, five, six, it attacks the dragon LAURA: Four! MARISHA: Eyy! Fuck up that dragon! MATT: It comes over to this side. It moves into this tiny space, because it can. It’s going to run past. It is going to ignite you both as it runs through. So you are on fire. The dragon’s still on fire. But it doesn’t lay into you with two attacks. It attacks the dragon twice. That is a natural 20 and a five. Miss. 12, plus three. 15 points of damage on that crit. Nice! Not bad. All right, that ends the fire elemental’s turn Jester, your turn. First, at the top of your turn you take six points of fire damage LAURA: Okay MATT: You’re burning. What are you doing? LAURA: I guess I’m going to– this is so lame It’s so stupid because Cure Wounds isn’t going to do enough to fix me to where if he hits me, I’m still going to go down! SAM: Do a higher level? LAURA: That is at the highest level! SAM: It’s all you could do LAURA: I know MATT: What are you doing, Jester? LAURA: Fuck it. I’m going to cast Inflict Wounds at 3rd-level SAM: Going down fighting MARISHA: Kill him! MATT: Roll your attack MARISHA: Oh my god, why is he doing that? LAURA: It’s just a touch– oh, on a hit. Okay Natural fucking one. It’s okay MATT: You spin around. The flames are burning around you. You spin to look at the dragon and the

fear wells up inside you, facing it down. Even with the flames burning around it, you can see its face coming through towards you, angry. Now that Fjord’s vanished and is no longer in its sight, it’s turned its attention back to you. You think you reach out for it and expend the spell, and you’re just a few inches short LAURA: I’m all alone. I’m going to try and blink, then MATT: Okay. So you’re ending your turn there, you’re not going to move? LAURA: Well, if I move it’s going to attack me MATT: That’s true LAURA: So I’m hoping TRAVIS: Come on MARISHA: Blink! LAURA: 19! (cheering) TRAVIS: When you come back, remember it’s ten feet from where– LAURA: Ten feet from where I was SAM: Are you invisible with Blink? LAURA: You’re in another plane SAM: Oh, thank Jesus LIAM: Twiggy is the only visible person DEBORAH: I’m hiding, kind of? Really well MATT: The dragon’s turn. Top of its turn, it does get its breath back. It rolled a six. It comes through the hallway angrily TALIESIN: Does it get an attack of opportunity? MATT: It does. So I’ll roll the attack for the elemental. Another natural 20! Holy shit. This is the luckiest damn elemental in the world. That’s 12 plus three, another 15 points of damage SAM: Whoa MATT: The dragon also takes, because it’s still on fire, an additional six points of damage. It’s looking hurt TRAVIS: “It’s looking hurt.” MATT: I’m going to see if it rolls high enough perception to see you. Natural 18. It comes in the chamber. (sniffing) (crackling blast) This beam of vibrant blue, electrical energy arcs towards you Make a dexterity saving throw DEBORAH: Evasion, but we’ll do it TALIESIN: You also still have this, I think DEBORAH: Pretty good LAURA: Oh, that’s right! You have the mote! TALIESIN: Just in case DEBORAH: What is that? TALIESIN: That’s another roll, if you need it DEBORAH: Oh, I have another? I may not need it Just a dexterity saving throw, right? MATT: Correct DEBORAH: Yeah, I mean that’s a 23. Sorry, yes, 23 MATT: It just barely skims, singeing the edges of the branches that are sticking out of your hair The rat’s nest themselves curling back from the momentary heat as the flash of energy, but you avoid it entirely. Slams into the wall behind you Stone breaks and splinters and the energy dissipates throughout the area. No damage. Rogues and evasion, man LIAM: Five little lit candles DEBORAH: Yep. Marshmallows toasting MATT: It looks furious. (roaring) The breath itself– it smells like burnt ozone DEBORAH: I actually still look like Halas because it’s not concentration MATT: That’s true, yeah DEBORAH: It thinks I’m a four-foot tall Halas LIAM: It went through the head MATT: It’s really confused by it. That ends its turn. Top of the round DEBORAH: Where are you? TALIESIN: We’re hoping MATT: Ah! SAM: Hey! We’re going to land right on him! MARISHA: Kill him! MATT: Go ahead and make acrobatics checks, you guys MARISHA: Kill him. With your bodies LIAM: Terrible SAM: 12 LIAM: Five SAM: Acrobatics check or save? MATT: Acrobatics check SAM: Oh, it’s a 12. No, I was right MATT: You both fall prone right on the sides of it as you slam into the dragon– onto the side– (groaning)– on the ground SAM: Did we cause some damage to the dragon? MATT: Not for dragon scales, unfortunately, but you do both take five points of bludgeoning damage from the impact SAM: Great MATT: You’re like– (groaning). Both roll initiative to see where you fall on the initiative order SAM: Mmm, eight LIAM: Seven MATT: Eight? Okay SAM: Caleb! What’s going on? LAURA: You don’t see anybody in there TRAVIS: Oh yeah, there’s nobody in there! MATT: You’re in a chamber. You land there and you see this angry, burning dragon and this tiny little version of the mage that you walked through the den of and that’s it. You see the glowing sphere here on the pedestal, these lines of energy that meet in the center. The fire elemental in the back way, burning. You’re Troy in Community walking in with the pizzas LIAM: Minor question. Do I smell burnt ozone, since you said that just a second ago? MATT: You do smell the electrical remainder in the air LIAM: Good enough MARISHA: Who saw me bamf out by touching the thing? Jes for sure did DEBORAH: I saw it MARISHA: And Fjord? Okay MATT: Caduceus, you’re up TALIESIN: Oh boy, I’m going to– oh fuck, she’s not there, is she? DEBORAH: Do they need to roll into initiative? MATT: They already rolled initiative DEBORAH: Oh, they already did. Okay, I didn’t catch it. You rolled badly? Oh no TALIESIN: I’m going to come out of the wall

MATT: Okay TALIESIN: I see them. Hmm? Yeah, no, and I’m going to do the: We’re running! It’s bad! I’m going to– TRAVIS: It’s bad! (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh my god, that’s amazing! (flapping) We’re running, it’s bad! (laughter) MATT: What are you doing Caduceus? You shout that as you’re stepping out of the wall. “We’re “running, it’s bad.” SAM: Oh my god TRAVIS: Oh, fuck TALIESIN: I am going to– MATT: You’re on deck, Fjord TRAVIS: Walks out of the wall MARISHA: They didn’t run TALIESIN: I’m going to use my action since there’s no one to heal– ah! DEBORAH and MARISHA: Ah! TALIESIN: Which is really frustrating, and there’s not a lot I can do. I am going to– fuck, man, this is such a bad call MATT: What are you doing? TALIESIN: I am going to cast– so sorry, I’m doing this weirdly– MATT: It’s all good TALIESIN: I’m going to cast– where is it? Goddamn it, where did it go? I’m going to cast Blindness on the dragon LAURA: Yeah MATT: All right. What’s the saving throw on it? TALIESIN: It’s a 16 constitution with a negative d4 MATT: Okay. Is Blindness concentration? TALIESIN: Oh wait, I can’t do that actually, never mind. It’s not, but I can’t do it because I don’t have any 3rd-level spells left. Oh, it’s a 2nd-level! I’m a crazy person, yes. It’s not a concentration spell MATT: It would be a three plus four– it’s a plus four con save, so it’s a 17 minus four from the Bane, so it’s 13. Yeah, it’s blind TRAVIS: Oh, you fucking crazy goth genius! TALIESIN: You are blind for a minute. I’m going to take the rest of my movement and hop into the fucking orb TRAVIS: Yes you do! MATT: You move up. The Bane fades TALIESIN: The Bane does fade MATT and TALIESIN: The Blindness stays MATT: All right, that ends Caduceus’ turn. Fjord, you’re up TRAVIS: I pop back into existence ten feet. I want to stay out of his melee MATT: So there. All righty SAM: Did Caleb and Nott see that? Do we make a check of any kind? MARISHA: You had to have seen Caduceus TALIESIN: I made sure you saw it. I was yelling at you and making a fuss MARISHA: He said, “We’re running; it’s bad,” and then jumped into a sphere. That’s some children’s cartoon-level obvious TRAVIS: Yeah, and I’ll use my extra language to go: Yeah, it’s bad. Grab the sphere! I’ll use my full movement to run towards the sphere. If it will put me in his melee– will it? MATT: He has reach with his bite. He has that entire hallway covered TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action Misty Step with the sword to (poof) over to the globe MARISHA: Yas, queen! MATT: That will put you at 30, right there TRAVIS: I will reach out and touch someone MATT: Fjord is out. At the top of your turn, because you’re still on fire, you do take four points of fire damage TRAVIS: Okay TALIESIN: Are you okay? LAURA: Mm-mm SAM: No, she’s not okay. She’s been abandoned by everyone who can help her MATT: That’s the end of Fjord’s turn. It’s your turn DEBORAH: I stand up again. I still look like little Halas, but as Twiggy, I reach in my pouch again and pull out the tongue of a snake. As I do that, I have in my palm a little bit of oil, and I run it back and forth on it. Then I throw it out this way, and as I do that, I say: Wait until we’ve left. I try Suggestion LIAM: Oh yes DEBORAH: Wisdom saving throw. I’m sure it’s very wise MATT: Wisdom saving throw. No, that’s cocked. It’s a 19, unfortunately. Good try DEBORAH: The little snake tongue falls on the ground MATT: (small impact) The dragon hears you speaking and looks in your direction. But where the pale blue, piercing eyes were is just a cloud of black It is trying to sniff for where you might be DEBORAH: For all intents and purposes, I’m already hidden; I don’t need to hide again, if it’s already blind? MATT: In theory, yes DEBORAH: In theory, yes, unless it’s able to sense me MATT: Yes, it does not have tremorsense DEBORAH: Okay! I still yell: Hey, guys– MATT: It does have blindsight to 30 feet, I just noticed

DEBORAH: Oh! Then I do hide. I attempt to hide That’s really good. That is a 25. But before I hide, I do yell: Touch the globe! Touch the sphere! SAM: Thank you, Halas MATT: You stay hidden? DEBORAH: I stay hidden over there MATT: Okay, you got it. You move into the back area DEBORAH: Yeah, exactly MATT: Got it. Okay, that ends Twiggy’s turn. Fire elemental! MARISHA: I’m a dummy! MATT: It’s going to– Nott, roll a d6. On a one to three, it attacks you. On a four to six, it attacks the dragon SAM: One MATT: Yeah. With advantage because you’re on the ground. That is a 17 SAM: Hits MATT: And a 16 SAM: That’s my armor class MATT: Yeah, they both hit. You take eight points of fire damage, and you’re on fire SAM: I’ll use Uncanny Dodge for, I guess, that one MATT: Okay, so you take four points of fire damage. The second attack does nine points of fire damage to you. That ends the fire elemental’s turn. Nott, you’re up SAM: Lying on the ground, I will fire up at the dragon with my crossbow, trying to quickly load one of my explosive charges. He’s within five feet of a friend, yes? MATT: He’s within five feet of all of you SAM: So it’s a sneak attack? MATT: It’s a sneak attack. Just letting you know, it’s an explosive arrow, and you’re adjacent to the creature SAM: Sure. Yeah, I’m going for its head MATT: Go for it! SAM: Oh boy, that’s not great. 18 MATT: 18 just hits SAM: Okay MATT: You’re prone, so you have disadvantage on attack rolls, by the way. So you do have to roll again SAM: Shit. Well, can I stand up first? MATT: We’ll say you stand up. That’s half your movement there SAM: 18, plus whatever the explosion does MATT: The arrow detonates from inside, creating a fiery explosion in a ten-foot radius around the creature that affects you, Caleb, and the fire elemental. The fire elemental is immune to fire; it takes no damage. The dragon, however– will you roll 3d6? SAM: 3d6? MATT: It has to make a dexterity saving throw Actually, it does not because it was hit by it SAM: 11 MATT: It takes an additional 11 points of fire damage. Then I need both Caleb and you to roll dexterity saving throws LIAM: Four MATT: So you take 11 points of fire damage SAM: 23 MATT: You take none because of your evasion. You roll out of the way (dull explosion). Caleb’s like, “Ah!” SAM: Okay. He’s still alive MATT: Still alive SAM: I use half my movement to get up MATT: Correct. You still have a bonus action and half your movement SAM: I use my bonus action to fire again MATT: Okay, go for it SAM: Natural fucking one! LAURA: No! MATT: So SAM: Oh. What does that do? MATT: You have to make an attack roll against yourself, don’t you? For your weapon? SAM: I don’t know how this works. If you roll a one– I’ve never done this before– on a d20 attack you must succeed in a dexterity saving throw– which I don’t, or suffer 1d6 piercing damage to myself. It’s two MATT: As you go to fire a second round, you pull back and shoot and the mechanism misfires slightly and all of a sudden it scrapes you on the side of the cheek and you’re like, “Ah!” SAM: Damn it. Okay MATT: Okay. You still have your movement if you wanted to move SAM: No, because it’ll hit me. I mean, I guess it’ll hit me anyway, right? MATT: I mean, you can still move within its melee if you wanted to try and re-maneuver SAM: Okay, I’ll walk around away from the fire guy MATT: Okay. There you go. The fire guy does get an attack against you SAM: Okay MATT: That is a 12. I don’t think that hits you SAM: No MATT: You just manage to avoid it. Okay. Caleb, you’re up LIAM: Fuck. I don’t see Jester; she’s not here SAM: Well, she left already LIAM: I don’t see Twiggy. I heard her voice MATT: Yep LIAM: Nott is up MATT: Yeah LIAM: There is a dragon MATT: Mm-hmm. A dragon that looks hurt, but not death’s door DEBORAH: And a fire elemental MATT: And a fire elemental that is burning angrily TRAVIS: It’s the worst playroom ever SAM: I’m half LIAM: I’m going to cast Expeditious Retreat and since that is transmutation– and I smell the ozone as soon as I hit the ground– I am going to make my Transmuter’s Stone make me resistant to lightning MATT: Good call. Okay LIAM: I am going to beeline for the sphere

MATT: All right SAM: Caleb, wait for–! Oh, okay. Bye LIAM: Fuck MATT: All right. That brings us to Jester’s turn MARISHA: Get out, Jes MATT: Jester LAURA: Oh, I can be ten feet away. I can be ten feet MATT: Ten feet. That’s right TRAVIS: And you can choose LAURA: I mean– within ten feet, can I get away from the fire elemental at least? MATT: Unfortunately, no. He’s placed in a way where– I mean, you can. You can go– oh god! LAURA: Oh, I killed him, yay! Everything’s fine SAM: You can go farther down the hall or something? MATT: You can go there. That way, the fire elemental is not within range, and technically the dragon– you’re just out of the dragon’s range, although you’re going to pass it running LAURA: But I wouldn’t– yeah MATT: You also take one point of fire damage at the top of the round because you’re still on fire LAURA: Okay. I mean, this is so stupid. I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on myself because I’m going to die if I don’t, at, I guess– a couple of 3rd-levels left, so I’m going to cast Cure Wounds Oh good! Two ones and a two. That’s great. So four plus four is eight points healed SAM: Very valuable LAURA: Sure MARISHA: You’ve got to run. Just run DEBORAH: Dash and take it? Oh, you need a distraction MARISHA: Run and pray? LAURA: I mean, yeah. I’m going to run around as much as I can MATT: Okay. I mean, there’s no way to– LAURA: Around the edge of– without getting hit, without me leaving his melee MATT: Yeah, so (counting) 30, you can get to LAURA: Then Blink MATT: Roll for your d20 TALIESIN: Oh god, come on LAURA: No. I stay MATT: Jester remains. It’s now the dragon’s turn TALIESIN: God fucking damn it MATT: It does not regain his lightning breath That’s good. He’s going to go ahead and take three attacks LIAM and SAM: Is he blind? MATT: He has blindsight within 30 feet LIAM: Oh. Okay. Yeah, we self-corrected already MATT: Yeah. That’s going to be…all right. Yeah, it’s going to be a claw attack on each of you. A claw attack against Nott. That’s going to be an eight plus nine, 17? SAM: Sure, hits MATT: You take ten points of slashing damage SAM: Okay. I’ve gone since my last one, so I’ll dodge MATT: Got that, okay. Against Jester, that is a natural four plus nine; that is a 13 to hit TALIESIN: Oh my god! MATT: You deflect it, and it doesn’t care much for Nott necessarily. You’ve been a threat; it’s going to go after you, Jester. I’m sorry LAURA: No, it’s fine MATT: Natural two. Not even joking. I was looking at it– we’re not out of the woods yet. As it strikes both towards you, there’s that moment of quiet where your eyes close and you’re waiting for the imminent moment and you hear this voice creep in your head and go, “Don’t worry, I’m watching.” Your arm– without even noticing– you feel a hand push your wrist and the shield goes up and deflects the impact. The teeth streak across it and cling to it and begin to try to pull the shield away and you instinctually muscle it away As you do, you watch two teeth shatter and fall to the ground in front, that moment of strength billowing up inside a pretty strong cleric. That’s the end of the dragon’s turn. Caduceus is done, Fjord is done, and Twiggy SAM: Twiggy, fucking kill this dragon or get us out of here! Do something! LIAM: Mercy kill Jester! TRAVIS: Mercy kill MATT: This is the turn, this is the moment TRAVIS: We are best friends SAM: Is the dragon looking at all rough or not really? MATT: It’s looking pretty hurt. That’s as much as I can tell you DEBORAH: I’m hidden well, so I have advantage? MATT: Yes DEBORAH: Okay. Arrow, snipe it with an arrow. I come out and I say: You leave my friends alone! and I shoot my arrow SAM: Why does Halas like us? DEBORAH: 17 plus seven MATT: That hits, roll damage. With sneak attack LAURA: He’s so much cuter than I thought he was SAM: And it’s way shorter DEBORAH: Seven on the hit and then with sneak, another seven’s 14, another six is 20 on that. 20 points of damage

MATT: Into its throat. You watch it reach up and with its claw scrape the arrow out of the throat and as it does you see a little bit of electricity arc out from the wound. It’s looking pretty hurt DEBORAH: Okay. I’m saying: Save yourselves! and I attempt to hide again. 19 plus seven MATT: You stealth into your old campaign. That ends your turn, Twiggy. The fire elemental’s turn First, the fire elemental is going to roll against the dragon, which is the closest enemy currently Natural two, that’s a miss. Natural eight. Yeah, it misses both strikes. It’s going to shift around to this way. That ends his turn. Nott, you’re up At the beginning of your turn, you take six points of fire damage TRAVIS: My heart rate is literally like I’ve been running two miles LAURA: His blindsight; he can see anything within 30 feet? MATT: Within 30 feet, he can see through blindness SAM: It’s Nott’s turn, not Jester’s turn MATT: Correct, it’s Nott’s turn LAURA: Just go SAM: I will run towards the exit MATT: Okay. Are you disengaging? SAM: No MATT: Okay LAURA: What? DEBORAH: You can as an action LAURA: Disengage! TALIESIN and SAM: No DEBORAH: Or as a bonus action MATT: Going to run to the front; it makes an attack of opportunity against you. That’s going to hit. That’s a 15 plus nine, yeah, it’s 24. It’s going to be a bite attack against you, which does more damage. That’s going to be 18 points of piercing damage SAM: Mm-hmm. I’m okay MATT: The jaws bite into you and you feel it rake across your shoulder, but you manage to pull out, roll on the ground to back up and you manage to get your arm up and pull yourself onto the platform where the orb is still glowing that dull green color SAM: I’ll turn around and fire my crossbow at the thing MATT: Go for it SAM: It’s not great. It’s only a 16 MATT: The bolt ricochets off of the hard scales of the dragon’s hide SAM: If I use my bonus action to fire again, I can’t touch the thing, right? LAURA: Just go MATT: What are you doing, man? TRAVIS: Get the fuck out. You’ve done enough. You did enough! Don’t do it! MARISHA: She can go now if he uses his reaction LAURA: Go! SAM: I’ll go MARISHA: Jester’s next, right? MATT: All right, Jester’s turn. At the beginning of your turn, you take fire damage. Six points of fire damage TALIESIN: Oh my god DEBORAH: It’s only a ten. It’s okay LAURA: Okay. He used his reaction, right? MATT: He did. Jester’s out (groans of relief) TRAVIS: Oh my god TALIESIN: Fuck! MATT: Dragon’s turn TRAVIS and MARISHA: Is that a one?! SAM: Yeah, I got one hit point MATT: (laughing) Holy shit! LAURA: One hit point TRAVIS: You had one after the 18? SAM: Yeah MATT: The dragon’s going to wail on the elemental; it can’t see anything else around it. Let’s see if it gets the– Does not get its– TRAVIS: Please tell me the dragon can’t touch the sphere MATT: That’s a hit, and a hit, and a miss on the jaws. That’s seven damage for the elemental, if you want to keep track of this MARISHA: Mm-hmm, and 40 hp MATT: Ooh, double sixes. That’s 17 points of slashing damage to it SAM: Get out of there! TRAVIS: The intro’s been up one week. The animation takes a long time! MATT: The dragon takes another six points from the fire. The dragon’s hurt real bad TRAVIS: Who’s hurting real bad? MATT: The dragon’s hurt real bad. That’s going to end its turn, everyone else goes by– Twiggy, you’re up DEBORAH: Am I, or is it the elemental who goes first? MATT: You go before the elemental DEBORAH: I go first? All right. I’m going to come out of hiding. I’m going to fire an arrow with advantage MATT: Go for it MARISHA: Last man standing, Twiggy! DEBORAH: Natural 20! (screaming, cheering) MATT: Roll damage. We’ll see if it’s enough DEBORAH: Nine plus four, for the hit MATT: Okay, nine plus four, so 13 DEBORAH: 13– ALL: Double the dice! DEBORAH: I doubled the dice for the hit, that was 2d6 before– so that’s for the hit– but I get 8d6 on my sneak? LIAM: Double that sneak attack damage! MATT: You can either just roll the sneak attack and then double the number, or roll twice as many dice, it’s up to you

DEBORAH: That’s nine. That’s another ten is 19– LAURA: Double that! DEBORAH: Double that to 38 MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) LAURA: Oh my god! Why aren’t we there? We can’t see them! DEBORAH: No one’s going to see my moment of triumph! LIAM: No one’s going to believe her! TRAVIS: No, nobody– MATT: Quiet, shh DEBORAH: I step out and I put on my meanest face that I learned from Sir Cadigan, and– MATT: Still in the form? DEBORAH: Still as Halas, hundred percent as Halas– and I say: This is for my only friends! Come straight forward, and I want to hit him in the heart because he broke my heart MATT: (heavy breathing and steps) It stumbles forward towards you now that you’re visible, its eyes blinking in and out, looking confused, still, with the shape, and goes– DEBORAH: Now I drop it MATT: (low chuckling, impact) And falls to the ground and collapses, exhaling, bits of energy arc out of its snout and dissipate into the stone around there. The dragon is dead DEBORAH: Cool. There’s still a fire elemental, right? MATT: Yup. (roaring flame) LIAM: Fist fight DEBORAH: Bonus action: is there a piece of tooth in reach? I’d like to take a tooth with me, a dragon tooth MATT: You can, but it’s either that or touch the sphere DEBORAH: Okay, I’ll touch the sphere (laughter) SAM: I mean, I’m not crazy! DEBORAH: You said two fell on the ground, I thought– MATT: They did. They’re scattered over in this corner. It’d be a move, grab it, and then go DEBORAH: Okay, I’m gone. We’re good MATT: Okay. (exhales) TRAVIS: What are the rules of drinking hard liquor on Twitch? TALIESIN: I am ready with stabilization magic for everybody. Everybody’s going to be fine! MARISHA: How many hit points did you have? LAURA: By the end I had 13, but if he had hit me one more time– MARISHA: You would have been gone LAURA: Yeah TRAVIS: Nott, you took that with 19 hit points? LIAM: To burn the reaction, yeah MARISHA: To get the reaction, yeah TALIESIN: She could have grabbed him, worst case scenario MARISHA: That was Nott, the Bravest LAURA: That was Nott, the Brave MATT: As you all, one by one, emerge, beaten, on fire– SAM: Jesus MATT: Help put it out, for those who are still burning in flames, you find yourselves back in the hull of the ship. You see the crew, half of the crew is sitting there, looking intense, the sphere resting on the center of one of the tables off to the side, and as soon as the first of you emerge, they’re like, (starts) “Where have you been?! What’s going on?” Orly pushes forward and goes, “Where all you been hanging?” (whooshing) A few more appear. (impacts) Eventually, everyone makes their way out of the sphere DEBORAH: You guys, I did it! I killed the dragon all by myself! MARISHA and SAM: What? SAM: No, the dragon was alive, we just left DEBORAH: Aww, man (laughter) SAM: Did you really? DEBORAH: I really did MARISHA: Aww, Jessie TRAVIS: Yeah, roll that shit, Caduceus TALIESIN: Goddamn. Way to go, that’s– Did you get anything from him? DEBORAH: I really tried to take a tooth, but I figured it’d be better to live TALIESIN: Yeah, aw man MATT: You hear a clattering sound, and you glance down and you see, stuck in the side of your boot, what looks like one of the errant dragon tooths (cheering) DEBORAH: I take it and I put it in my bag, and I go: This’ll be good for later SAM: I’m going to go over to Jester and take the flower out of her head and be like: I think it worked. I’m going to take it back now LAURA: I turn and give Nott the biggest hug, just bury my head in her MATT: Marius is like, “We’ve been waiting here for seven days.” SAM: Oh, shit MARISHA: What?! Are you serious? MATT: “Yeah!” TRAVIS: Where are we? MATT: “We’re at Bisaft. Our repairs finished like a day ago and we haven’t paid yet because you’ve “been fucking gone! The Dockmaster’s not happy!” DEBORAH: Is the Ball of Fun there? MATT: Yeah, it’s sitting on a table. They’ve all been rallied around it, trying to figure out– You guys vanished, and this was all that was left TALIESIN: I wouldn’t touch that. That’s a lot MATT: “We figured that was the case!” TALIESIN: Yeah LAURA: It’s probably safe to touch now, I mean, the dragon’s dead TRAVIS: Marius, do me a favor. Just tell us how much repairs cost and let’s all settle in for the night. We’re going to– Still on fire

MARISHA: Sorry TRAVIS: We’re going to need it MATT: “All right, it’s about 130 gold for the masts, getting the various bits of the sails “repaired and fixed and everything.” TRAVIS: Yeah MATT: “All right, I’ll get them paid.” Mark down that amount TRAVIS: 130 gone LIAM: Twiggy, do you have that jar of beads? DEBORAH: I did take it. Right? I use my hand. I do have that jar of beads LIAM: Are you attached to it? DEBORAH: Oh, no, you can have it LIAM: Thank you DEBORAH: I pass the beads over to him LIAM: I walk off DEBORAH: How you feeling? LIAM: I walk off TALIESIN: If you stick around, I’m going to be helping every– I’m doing a thing LIAM: Already gone TALIESIN: Okay. 23 points to everybody who’s hanging around for a few minutes TRAVIS: How many? MATT and TALIESIN: 23 points TALIESIN: It’s been a long day DEBORAH: Yes, it has TRAVIS: Well, let’s just call that lesson learned, yeah? Maybe we should all reconnoiter in the morning TALIESIN: Sometimes mysterious spheres just happen to you, if I’m learning anything TRAVIS: The good news is is that if Twiggy actually killed the dragon– which you obviously did– DEBORAH: Thanks TRAVIS: We can go back SAM: I don’t want– TALIESIN: I mean, maybe, sure LAURA: There were lots of jewels on the ground TRAVIS: Yeah, it sounded bad when it came out DEBORAH: Well, I just want to say that this was the most fun adventure I’ve ever had in my lives and you guys are the bestest friends that I’ve ever had, and I think you should keep the Ball of Fun, but I’d be very careful because Sir Cadigan’s after it. I better keep moving, so I might get off here, you guys LAURA: You don’t want to stay with us? DEBORAH: You guys have been the greatest friends ever, but I’ve spent my whole life in a box. I’m going to go exploring SAM: Oh LAURA: I understand that DEBORAH: Thanks SAM: It was nice to meet you and nearly die next to you DEBORAH: Thanks for saving my life. (as Trixie) Yeah, thanks for that! TRAVIS: As an honorary member of The Mighty Nein, just do us a favor and make sure you tell your story far and wide, yeah? DEBORAH: I shall. I shall speak of your bravery to all that I meet TALIESIN: Lets pack some food and some tea and stuff before you go, you’re going to need some– DEBORAH: Oh, I’ve got chocolate! TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going to go get some food MARISHA: Thanks, Twiggy. I’m sorry I found your cuteness alarming DEBORAH: I have that effect on people. I put my hood up and two little Twiggys stand there and go Bye, bye! TALIESIN: Oh, that’s weird LAURA: I would do that too, but I think I’m out of the ability DEBORAH: I’m all out LIAM: You stowing away, is that what’s happening? DEBORAH: Yes, I go up to the gangplank, or whatever’s attached to the dock, and I wave and say: Be good, be brave! Thanks for the adventure! LIAM: Halas SAM: Bye! TRAVIS: Make good life choices! DEBORAH: I’ll back up down the plank TRAVIS: She’s leaving us, it’s the best life choice MATT: You watch her gnomish form vanish off the docks and mingle with the rest of the villagers of Bisaft MARISHA: Well, that was the weirdest seven days I didn’t know I had TALIESIN: Yeah MARISHA: Jester, are you all right? LAURA: Oh, yeah, of course. I’m fine MARISHA: You’re a bad liar LAURA: (laughter) I’m a really good liar, Beau MARISHA: Sure LAURA: I’m going to go to my room. (shuddering sigh) And go to sleep LIAM: Are you okay? SAM: Am I okay? Yes, I’m fine. Are you okay? LIAM: (quietly) Would you jump up here? SAM: Would I what? LIAM: Would you jump up? SAM: Onto you? LIAM: Yeah SAM: I will jump up onto Caleb and I will give him a big kiss on his nose, and I will whip out the last book I had. We still have books to go through! LIAM: I’ll look at those tomorrow. Let’s go get some sleep. I start walking off towards our quarters MARISHA: Hey, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yep? MARISHA: I feel like there’s this trend of us feeling shitty after we come out of a fight TRAVIS: Right. I’d say something about that that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but I feel pretty fucking weak right now MARISHA: Hmm TRAVIS: That was a dragon

MARISHA: That was a dragon. I don’t even know what any of it meant TRAVIS: That little crazy Ball o’ Fun is a troublemaker. Just like Twiggy MARISHA: Well, I guess there’s still time to figure it all out TRAVIS: Maybe we just leave that particular function alone for a while and collect some gold to recoup our repair costs MARISHA: It feels like that gold was stealing from the dragon, just slowly but surely TRAVIS: Oh shit MARISHA: Yeah. Anyway… But he’s dead now, so what does it matter? We could just slowly drain it. It’s like a never-ending piggy bank TRAVIS: Yeah, if a big, blue finger comes through the hole, we’ll know Twiggy lied MARISHA: That’s true TRAVIS: I’m going to go get rid of this concussion now MARISHA: I guess I’m going to stay up. I don’t feel like sleeping just yet TRAVIS: All right, first mate, you got the con MARISHA: Copy that, captain TRAVIS: (groans) TALIESIN: I’m probably going to come out about halfway through your shift with a pot and two cups. Another day MARISHA: How are you? TALIESIN: Weirdly, I think I’m great MARISHA: Oddly, I feel okay too TALIESIN: Yeah, I know MARISHA: Is that wrong of me? TALIESIN: No MARISHA: I feel like everyone else feels so terribly TALIESIN: Well, in the morning, we’re going to comfort everybody. We’re going to take care of them, we’re going to feed them. It’s going to be our job to feel good for them and bring them back around. They did good work, they just don’t believe it MARISHA: I think I oddly feel the most comfortable when things are a fraction away from going terribly wrong TALIESIN: Something’s happening. I don’t know what, but something’s happening. And you did good MARISHA: So did you TALIESIN: Thank you. Do better next time to keep everybody safe MATT: You both quietly sit there, drinking your tea, finishing off the watch while the rest of your group sleeps soundly in their midday bunks, recovering from the strenuous activities of surviving three chambers of a hundred-chambered mage vault extraplanar home. We’ll end it there and pick up on that next week SAM: Wow! MATT: Well done guys, holy shit! We have this ridiculous trend of guests killing bosses from the last campaign LAURA: It’s the craziest thing! SAM: Killing a dragon with a natural 20! LIAM: What a fucking delight Twiggy was! LAURA: Twiggy forever! TALIESIN: You had some weird-ass spells up, right? You had some weird-ass shit that I didn’t know about. I saw them, but I never really poked. You don’t have to tell me what it was; did you have some weird shit that if I had prodded it would have been a thing? DEBORAH: No TALIESIN: All right, okay, let’s just do that then DEBORAH: No, I’m very normal. I just do weird stuff with my normal stuff MATT: I like that LIAM: Descriptive MATT: Thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you again, Deborah, for joining. You were such a joy. Was there anything you want to talk about or plug before we leave? DEBORAH: Oh yeah! I have a game coming out. We’re doing a show with Geek & Sundry called Relics and Rarities, and it’s super silly and fun and great and I hope that everyone will love it, and I just want to say a big thank you to you guys because I don’t think that would be possible either for me without all of you paving the way and being so supportive and so incredible and so inspiring Thank you so much! TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s awesome LAURA: That set looks killer! MATT: It looks so good DEBORAH: It’s so cool. Thank you guys LIAM: Thanks for playing MATT: Thank you guys. Have a wonderful night We’ll see you next week. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night