Home Is Where the Heart Is | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 92
MATT: Hello, everybody, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons ALL: We play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: So yes, before we jump into tonight’s session, we have some announcements to get through, so hang tight for just a second, while we go into our first of two sponsorships for the night Our first, our friends at Hero Forge Sam MARISHA: ♪ Hero Forge ♪ SAM: Hero Forge? Tonight’s episode brought to you by our friends at Hero Forge, makers of on-demand miniatures of all types I’ve used it, and it is sweet But now, it’s now even sweeter, because of their newly updated online platform, Hero Forge 2.0, where you can still customize and print your 3D minis, but for the first time, you can also do it in color Yes, you can now design and color your personal minis with a variety of colors and techniques, including dry brushing, washing and more They just launched the update this week So be one of the first to get a 3D custom colored mini, at heroforge.com/Kickstarter Now, as I said, this new update makes their platform even sweeter, and it got me thinking, everything is better when it’s sweeter, right? Well, thanks to Hero Forge, come bring it out, boys, I’m going to put that theory to the test I’ve taken common food items, and with, that we all know and love– TALIESIN: No MARISHA: This is going to be gross SAM: And I’m going to test if making them sweeter makes them better So we’ll start with the common chili dog TRAVIS: What? TALIESIN: Nope SAM: Adding a little whipped cream to it ASHLEY: What’s already on it? SAM: Yep, and let’s see LAURA: Nope SAM: If it makes it better TALIESIN: May I use this as a shield? LAURA: No, wait, hold that down SAM: It’s better TRAVIS: No way SAM: That is better TRAVIS: You’re such a foodie, how are you even doing this? LAURA: Yeah, get that– do not put that near me MARISHA: Don’t, just ugh SAM: Let’s try a salad TRAVIS: No! SAM: This is your standard Caesar LAURA: That looks better than the chili dog SAM: Let’s see what a salad tastes like with whipped cream TALIESIN: Help! ASHLEY: That might not be as bad LAURA: That one’s not bad ASHLEY: That one’s not– TALIESIN: If there’s vinegar in there, it’s going to curdle It’s going to curdle SAM: It’s better (laughter) Oh! There’s a sound effect LIAM: We’ll miss you, Hero Forge, we’ll miss you SAM: Flamin’ Hot Cheetos ASHLEY: Whoa, hey, ho, hey, hold on, hold on Give me some before you ruin them SAM: Sure ASHLEY: Because I love Flamin’ Hot Cheetos SAM: Are they better sweeter? Let’s find out TALIESIN: Okay, I’m all right with this, I’m all right with this MARISHA: It’s like a– ASHLEY: I feel like it’s going to be good LAURA: Why you do you have to make such a mess about it, Sam? MARISHA: It’s spicy TRAVIS: — shit through the back of your chair LAURA: How is it? TRAVIS: It’s going to be a river of magma SAM: It’s better TRAVIS: No! DANI (V.O.): Better ASHLEY: How is it? LAURA: It’s not bad SAM: There’s two more LAURA: It’s really not bad SAM: There’s two more, two more LAURA: No SAM: Pepperoni pizza LAURA: Nope MATT: Aw, that one’s been sitting out for a while LIAM: You going to fold that shit, fold that LAURA: No, no, be careful with the table SAM: Mm TRAVIS: (groaning) ASHLEY: It’s all over your– TRAVIS: Oh god TALIESIN: Oh, yep, no, it’s on the, no SAM: Not as good TRAVIS: Okay DANI (V.O.): Worse (laughter) SAM: But last but not least– TRAVIS: You’re not MATT: Oh no SAM: Fine wine LAURA: No! (yelling) MARISHA: It instantly curdled TRAVIS: Don’t, no, don’t, no! ASHLEY: It’s dessert TALIESIN: Go for it, go for it! MARISHA: Ooh, did you see that? TRAVIS: Yeah, I did, I did, I did SAM: Worse (laughter) DANI (V.O.): Worse SAM: Wait, let me try it again (yelling) SAM: Worse DANI (V.O.): Worse SAM: Oh, that was good Maybe I should brush my teeth a little MATT: (shouting) No, no, no! SAM: You know, just clean off the old teeth TALIESIN: No, no, no MATT: I’m pretty sure all this is against TOS SAM: Worse DANI (V.O.): Worse SAM: Oh, wait Better DANI (V.O.): Better SAM: Well, I think I’ve proven a point, guys Making things sweeter makes it better So go check out the sweet new update at heroforge.com/Kickstarter and thanks to Hero Forge for supporting the show TRAVIS: Don’t! (yelling) No, stop it! (laughter) TALIESIN: No TRAVIS: You looked like you walked under a street lamp SAM: Back to you, Matt LAURA: Oh no TRAVIS: No, no, no, why? (laughter) TRAVIS: Do you have antacids on standby? SAM: I’ll just brush my teeth again LAURA: I’m so glad that I moved further away MATT: Thank you, Sam MARISHA: That got me a little in the back of my throat MATT: Thank you so much. And thank you, Hero Forge, for sponsoring this show I’m sure none of us could have expected– MARISHA: Do it LAURA: No, it’s good, it’s good ASHLEY: (crunching) Oh, that is actually really good
MARISHA: Yeah, that makes the most sense ASHLEY: That makes the most sense to me The wine one did, but– TRAVIS: Get at us Frito Lay, we’ll– MATT: All right, moving on ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay MATT: To our– TALIESIN: –wine slushie MATT: Much more clean…? (chuckling) TALIESIN: Oh, god MATT: — and tabletop appropriate sponsor, D&D Beyond TRAVIS: ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ MATT: Our returning sponsors since the beginning of this campaign and if you haven’t checked them out, they’re an amazing online digital tool for keeping track of your D&D campaigns, your characters in all formats of content for D&D 5th Edition, it’s amazing Check it out if you haven’t And thank you, guys, once again, for supporting the show Other announcements we have, the next issue of Vox Machina: Origins, our comic book series, created with our friends at Dark Horse Comics– what is even– I don’t– will be available on Wednesday, February 19th Be sure to pick up your copy at your favorite local comic book shop, or digitally at ComiXology, or Dark Horse Digital, and anywhere else where fine comic books can be located And in other Vox Machina: Origins news, we want to take a moment to share the cover art for our free Comic Book Day special comic that’s coming out The cover art was created by amazing Critter Hunter Bonyun and colors by Stephan McGowan You can pick up your own issue for Free Comic Book Day at your local comic book shop on Free Comic Book Day It’s May 2nd, so keep an eye on your calendars now for it, it’s exciting, because it’s a fun, little stand alone piece Even if you haven’t read any of Vox Machina: Origins, it sits a little bit outside of the realm of the first campaign, and it’s got some cool perspective And we get to share a cover with the name Neil Gaiman, who has content in there, as well, and that’s kind of cool TRAVIS: Sure MATT: Hi, Neil ASHLEY: “Has content in there as well.” TALIESIN: Yeah, I know MATT: Well, it’s weird, because it’s like us, and it’s like, also Neil Gaiman I’m like, this should be the other way around, but okay But yeah, check it out I think that’s it for me, and Marisha, you have an announcement MARISHA: I do Speaking of Sam’s ridiculous antics, and also Liam, All Work, No Play is coming back! SAM: What?! LIAM: No, surely not, no! MARISHA: I know Just– you know, we had to keep up with the tradition of the podcast and make it take forever for Season 2 LIAM: We recorded a minute a week TRAVIS: Did you drink the entire time? MARISHA: Oh, yes, everyone continues to have its signature cocktail attached to it, but it is premiering not this next Tuesday, but the Tuesday after, February 4th TRAVIS: Woo! MARISHA: At 4:00pm on our Twitch channel for our Season 2 premiere We are airing the show a little bit differently Instead of a Friday night show, we’re going to put it in the Yee-Haw Game Ranch time slot TRAVIS: Mm-hmm MARISHA: And it’s going to air biweekly for the entire season SAM: We’re very excited about it Yep, we did some fun stuff MARISHA: It’s hilarious There are some references to times of the year SAM: When we shot it? MARISHA: When we shot it (laughter) LIAM: You will be shocked at how long ago we started this season MARISHA: Yes (laughter) It took a bit, but yes It’s worth the wait TRAVIS: Old President Obama MARISHA: Yeah (laughter) MATT: The Force Awakens is coming up MARISHA: That’s more accurate Yeah, there’s like shit like that in it Like, oh, wait, what? Okay Yeah, it’s great It’s worth the wait, tune in MATT: There we go MARISHA: Content TRAVIS: Finger guns MARISHA: Pew, pew TRAVIS and MARISHA: Pew, pew, pew MATT: Thank you, Marisha MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Laura, you have some announcements as well LAURA: Oh me? MATT: You LAURA: Oh, well, you guys may have noticed, I’m wearing this fantabulous Traveler Con– (yelling) What what! MARISHA: It’s so cute LAURA: That’s available in our stores right now MARISHA: You too can join the cult LAURA: Were they handmade by Jester? Possibly TRAVIS: What’s on the– what’s on the cuff there? SAM: Oh, is that a secret? LAURA: Why you gotta call it out like that? SAM: Let me see it TRAVIS: I just saw it. I don’t know SAM: Don’t show them LAURA: I don’t know what you’re talking about ASHLEY: Oh, that’s cool LAURA: It’s cute, right? ASHLEY: Yeah SAM: Ooh, there’s an Easter egg LAURA: So anyway ASHLEY: You’re supposed to wear it this way, right? LAURA: Yeah (laughter) TRAVIS: Are all the cultists ordering? LAURA: So yeah, check them out, they’re in both our U.S. and UK shops And then, other thing that I wanted to mention is on Saturday, I will be joining the Pull Your Finger Out, what finger, where it was, I don’t know, but I’ll be joining the Pull Your Finger Out charity stream– MATT: That’s a long name for a charity stream TALIESIN: Is it better if it’s sweeter is really my question (laughter) LAURA: Oh, no It’s a charity stream put together by my very good friend, Liam McIntyre to benefit those affected by the Australian bush fires So that’s going on from 11:00 to 5:00 on Saturday Our good friends at Retro Replay are hosting it, so check it out on youtube.com/c/RetroReplay I’ll be joining around 3:00pm, if you want to come show the critter love, I would appreciate it ASHLEY: Give it a critter a hug! LAURA: That’s right LIAM: Critter hug!
MATT: Thank you, Laura All right, then, I believe that concludes our announcements for the evening So let’s go ahead and jump into tonight’s episode of Critical Role (yelling) (water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) ♪ Roll, roll, critical, critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames ♪ ♪ For the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware ’cause you’re ’bout to be dead ♪ ♪ They’ve got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there ♪ ♪ There’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Ooh, oh ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Diggin’ deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it’s your turn (your turn)♪ ♪ Your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames crackling) MATT: And welcome back Oh, happy to have you join us, Sam SAM: Just brushed my teeth again MATT: (laughs) Is that how you keep them so large? (laughter) SAM: Wow TRAVIS: DM burn! Oh shit, we’re in trouble SAM: Burn TALIESIN: Mercer family hot sauce TRAVIS: Two beholders and a fucking tarrasque– LIAM: Put a goatee on that man That is evil twin Matthew Mercer (laughter) MATT: I get one every century TALIESIN: That’s the most shade I’ve ever seen you throw Holy shit ASHLEY: We should be nervous TRAVIS: He’s stunned, ladies and gentlemen, he’s on the ropes MARISHA: I’m so proud! ASHLEY: I know, it’s like, “I might kill you all.” MATT: So (laughter) Last we left off, The Mighty Nein had brokered a coming negotiation between the warring nations of the Dwendalian Empire in the Kryn Dynasty Set to occur somewhere in the Lucidian Ocean between Nicodranas and the Whitedawn Lagoon, about four, roughly four weeks out, I think is when they had confirmed it You also heard that they had acquired and arrested Vence, the fugitive who was part of the Angel of Irons cult And in the interim, you made your way back to Xhorhas You made it to your home, the Xhorhaus, and had an evening to rest after an extended period of extreme duress and stress, the recovery of your friend Yasha, some underground pit fighting, and a dinner with Essek after an invitation– MARISHA: Hot boi! ASHLEY: Hot boi! TRAVIS: Wow MATT: In which you got a chance to know each other a little better You then, in discussing your plans moving forward, some possibilities and pursuing some of the various goals that still remain looming for a few of you, you were greeted by Essek and he offered at one point to help you with this strange problem you were having with this equation for the spell that you had been developing since discovering its early sketches, essentially, or the first half of its development by Halas within his Happy Fun Ball, as you put it With the aid of Essek, both Nott and Caleb, up in his tower, finished the development of this spell You all rushed to gather your materials that were required for its casting and watched as Caleb prepared the ritual to bring Nott back to her original form, the body she is meant to have The ritual progressed, seemingly without issue until the moment in which the transition of the body was meant to happen Reaching towards it, however, the magic was balked by some sort of dark power, a curse that remained laid upon Nott, preventing it from succeeding, locking herself still to the current goblin body that she’s grown to loathe Well, maybe grown a little more comfortable
with it since then, but SAM: She sure doesn’t like her teeth anymore (laughter) MATT: As the ritual comes to a unexpected end, you look as the clay element of the tub that Nott had been placed upon has shattered and scattered across the room, the magic itself suddenly flaring out, the sigil that marked the ritual going cold, and all of you look down to see Nott there, sitting atop the broken sections of hardened clay, a goblin as she’s always been since you met her LIAM: Caleb just starts checking his notes and everything that they worked on together to see what went wrong SAM: It didn’t– it didn’t work, did it? LAURA: I mean, I think you’re a little less green than you were before SAM: Just look at my hands and stuff. Looks the same? MATT: Unchanged SAM: Yeah, yeah, yes, look all around, see if it’s all the same LAURA: I’ll check the ears and I’ll check the back of the head to see MATT: Some flecks of dry, brown clay that had gotten wedged in the elements of the hair, but beyond that, no noticeable change SAM: (sighs) LAURA: You’re still Nott SAM: Huh I– well, I mean, did you do it right? Did he do it right? MATT: Essek goes, “From what I could observe of this ritual, “everything was done to the required specifications.” LIAM: I’m meticulous SAM: Yes, you are Did you all hear that? The– LAURA: Hear what? SAM: The woman laughing? MARISHA: Did we? LAURA: No, we didn’t– MATT: Only the both of you heard it LAURA: I don’t know what you’re talking about TALIESIN: No ASHLEY: None of us were laughing SAM: I hope not LIAM: I heard it LAURA: What did it sound like? SAM: It sounded distant, and evil, and it sounded like– yeah, I mean, the only person I can think of is the person who did this to me, this woman, this mage woman It sounded like her, maybe Maybe? LAURA: Did it sound like when I send you a message? SAM: I don’t know that you’ve ever sent me a message LAURA: I’m going to send Nott a message right now MATT: Okay, what are you going to send? LAURA: I’m going to say– this is weird being right next to you Is it going to be like feedback on a cellphone? SAM: I can hear a delay LAURA: Can you– What does it sound like? SAM: Oh, I have to leave the room MATT: (laughs) TALIESIN: Go downstairs SAM: I’ll leave the room Okay, go LAURA: Does it sound like this? Did it sound like the laughing? TRAVIS: That’s it SAM: Did it sound like that? MATT: A different kind of sense This is a series of words being placed into your mind, into your very aware consciousness The laughter felt deep-seated within you SAM: Not the same MATT: No MARISHA: Well, I mean, it’s gotta to be exactly that SAM: What does that mean? She’s watching me, she’s haunting me? LIAM: She still has some sort of grasp on you, yeah? LAURA: Oh my gosh Do you think she can hear everything you do? SAM: Has she been with us this whole time? Who is she? LAURA: Do you remember anything about her, Nott? LIAM: Go over it again in your mind Tell us the story again SAM: Oh, well I’ll skip some of it The pertinent parts are they took me to a river, they drowned me, and that’s all I remembered for a long time, except, then, when I woke up, it was to the sound of that laughter It was to the sound of that woman, just enjoying whatever she had done to me I was in a sort of a state of shock, I didn’t feel like myself I wasn’t sure what was going on Things sounded louder, and felt different, and my body was colder, and I wasn’t paying much attention but she was there. She was robed, and she was older, and– TRAVIS: You were at the river still? SAM: No, they had taken me somewhere, to her home? LAURA: Did she seem tall– SAM: Lair?
LAURA: Did she seem short? Do you remember? SAM: Taller than me MARISHA: What was the surrounding landscape? SAM: Okay, well, it wasn’t Felderwin It was– it was– It wasn’t terribly far, but I– it was a wooded area at the base or in some mountains, a wooded, mountainous area ASHLEY: How did you get out? SAM: They took me The goblins were still there TRAVIS: And you saw yourself leave from this lair, this house at the base of the mountains? SAM: Well, yes, they put me in the back of– just some sort of a cart and tied me up and brought me with them LAURA: Get the map out TRAVIS: Which one– which– I have so many LAURA: The Empire. The Empire one SAM: Well, not near, but not terribly far LIAM: Well, it should take us back to this river LAURA: Where’s our Empire map? SAM: The river was close to Felderwin. I– LAURA: No, that’s Xhorhas LIAM: Well, if they didn’t take you that far, there cannot be many mountains– MARISHA: Hang on, hang on, let’s look at the map Let’s look at the map Where’s the map, Fjord? LAURA: Oh, there it is, there it is, okay TRAVIS: I’ve been sharing them with Yasha, okay, it’s not always me MATT: It was days of travel, once you had been– once you had reawoken and they had pulled you away, but it– you never left– once you left the mountains you know you were in the Marrow Valley SAM: Okay LAURA: This is all Marrow Valley? MATT: Yeah, the whole Marrow Valley’s the southern area of the Empire LAURA: How long did it take you to get back to your goblin– SAM: I wasn’t counting, I was mostly crying and trying to tear at my bindings, and– TRAVIS: Damn your emotional state SAM: I know A day, two, three maybe? Also, we– we were– we were stopping frequently They were doing raids on the way I don’t know how long it would’ve taken if we had driven straight through ASHLEY: Wait, what? TALIESIN: Mm ASHLEY: Why did they take you to the river to drown you anyway? Why do you think they chose you to do this? SAM: Well, I had killed one of them, and they didn’t like that very much I had killed their leader, and in my frantic escape, I had killed their leader, and his wife was not very happy about that, and she wanted to make an example of me, or punish me in a way that was much more cruel than death TALIESIN: Hmm LIAM: You want to restore yourself, don’t you? SAM: Of course LIAM: Then we have to go there SAM: Why? How– what are you talking about? LAURA: We have to find this woman and kill her LIAM: To find this woman We have to approach this village of goblins you’re talking about, to find some sort of lead, or go to the place of your drowning TRAVIS: Yeah, the goblins could essentially, hopefully, take us back to her, point us in that direction? SAM: And then what? We have– MARISHA: What was it you were just saying? I was distracted by looking at the map; about some woman wanting to punish you? What did you do, what? SAM: The goblins, they didn’t just kill me, because I had– I had killed one of their own, their chief or whatever, and his wife was not very pleased, and so, she– MARISHA: A goblin wife TRAVIS: And so that Beau can be reminded of things that we’ve already heard, and you killed their chief because why? SAM: I was escaping, I was trying to escape– TRAVIS: She was trying to escape SAM: Yes ASHLEY: Why were you captured in the first place? SAM: They had captured many of us from the village, including my husband and my baby, and we escaped one night I had them, we split off, because I was faster, and I drew– LAURA: See? SAM: Well, faster than Yeza, I mean, he’s– he’s a bit of a nerd, you know? LAURA: So? Nerds can be fast SAM: Nope, they can’t They cannot be So we split up, they got away, but I was captured, and in my struggle, I I got in a good shot TRAVIS: Sounds like it Caleb’s right, we should try and find these goblins again I know how terrible that must be, but that would be the fastest way to– SAM: To do what, though? I mean, find this woman, and what? Tell her to undo what she has done? LAURA: Yeah LIAM: Although I– SAM: What if I kill– what if we kill her, and it doesn’t wear off? What if it’s permanent? LIAM: Well, then we will coerce her. We will– TRAVIS: Of course, yeah LAURA: Wait, maybe we can try a Greater Restoration sort of thing and break a curse. Does that work? MARISHA: What would we know about this big curse? Does it sound like a curse? MATT: You can go ahead and make a religion check TRAVIS: Anything that has a residual laugh on it,
it sure sounds like it LIAM: 17 MATT: 17 The nature of what prevented you from breaking through this spell wasn’t any sort of abjuration-based defense It wasn’t any sort of arcane deflection This was something outside of the spectrum of general arcane development This was something older and something with a little more of a divine or outside magical force than what you’re used to dealing with, and the best thing you can attribute it to with your experience is a curse or something that is laid deeply within that could resist a spell such as what you were attempting TALIESIN: It has its own rules LIAM: Yeah, which we have encountered curses to an extent before? MATT: Lesser ones LIAM: Yeah, lesser ones SAM: And there’s no– the only way to break it is to find the caster, is that right? LIAM: We don’t know, but what is the other– LAURA: Dispel Magic! LIAM: What is the alternative? TRAVIS: Whoa SAM: Did it work? LAURA: I don’t know MATT: What level did you cast it at? TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re throwing spaghetti at the wall LAURA: Sixth MATT: Okay SAM: Jesus MARISHA: Whoa MATT: You cast Dispel Magic on Nott? LAURA: Yeah At 6th-level MATT: Okay LAURA: Well, maybe it worked? TRAVIS: Do you feel any different? TALIESIN: You don’t look any different TRAVIS: Do you have chills? Are they multiplyin’? (laughter) ♪ Are you losing control? ♪ MATT: I’m going to remember that TRAVIS: Okay (laughter) MARISHA: He invoked Grease SAM: I feel the same MATT: I hate Grease LIAM: Fjord would MARISHA: Fjord would MARISHA: So the woman that you can remember turning you into this form wasn’t a goblin? It was someone else? SAM: No No, was she– she was a human? She was a humanoid? MATT: From what I remember, humanoid Older, robed You were looking up at her, so it’s hard to remember the details, and you only caught a glimpse of her in the surroundings, but she definitely seemed to be like an older humanoid, human-type face, but definitely deep-set lines You can hear the brief instance of the laughter and then, the only words you recall her saying dealt with “A debt has been paid.” SAM: Okay I convey that to them LAURA: A debt has been paid, like the goblins owed her a debt? Or no, she owed the goblins a debt SAM: She must’ve owed them a debt LIAM: Ja, that is what it sounds like This goblin wife settled up with whoever this woman was, and an exchange was made, and she must be close to that place, and otherwise, you will just have to throw up your hands and accept that it’s the only option SAM: Of course, but I mean, we would have to go and find the goblins who did this first, and there’s many of them, and they move a lot MARISHA: I’ve got cottonmouth Does anybody want anything to drink? Are we still in the– where are we? MATT: You’re still in Essek’s tower MARISHA: We should go, why don’t we go? Why don’t we go back home? SAM: Go back to the Xhorhaus? MARISHA: God, I’m itchy TRAVIS: What is wrong? SAM: Are you okay? LAURA: Itchy? MARISHA: I’m just sweaty all of a sudden Let’s go back to the– LIAM: You feeling sick? MARISHA: A little LIAM: Yeah. We should get you back, then MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: And we can pick this up there She does this, it’s an extreme case of syphilis that surfaces once in a while, so you know, she takes some STD– SAM: It’s in remission LIAM: Yeah MATT: “All right.” MARISHA: Try to keep it under wraps, but thanks, Caleb LIAM: Oh, well, we are friends MARISHA: We are We are good friends, aren’t we, Essek? MATT: “Apparently “My apologies that this did not work in your favor.” SAM: No, thank you for helping us get this far TALIESIN: Thank you for everything LAURA: Yeah MATT: “I hope the cheese was all right.” LAURA: It was delicious Your pastries could use some work, but the cheese was delicious MATT: “I accept the criticism.” TALIESIN: It’s all right if I take a little of the cheese– MATT: “I will punish the bakery.” SAM: So sorry for– LAURA: Don’t punish, Essek Just order better things next time MATT: “I was attempting a joke.” LAURA: Oh MARISHA: (laughs) SAM: Sorry for– MATT: You see a crack of a smile SAM: — digging up your garden back there, too MATT: “Eh, it is fine. Easy to fix “Anyway.” MARISHA: Sorry to dash like this MATT: “Of course.” ASHLEY: We could also help you one day to put together your garden again MATT: “I can have some servants take care of that.”
ASHLEY: Okay LIAM: We will see you soon She snaps back like that She’s like that MATT: “Wonderful.” He gestures for you to make your exit As you’re about to leave, Caleb, he grabs your shoulder for a minute and is like, “If at all possible, “because I helped author with the completion of this, “would I be able to make a copy of this, “but for my own records?” LIAM: Of course I would not have been able to do it without you MATT: “Wonderful.” LIAM: This is your spell, as well as mine MATT: “Thank you.” LIAM: And the archmage’s All right? MARISHA: You all talk so closely when you speak to one another LIAM: We didn’t want to upset you I know how you get when it flares like that MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: So let’s get you home And I start to walk Beauregard out MATT: Okay TRAVIS: Okay. Here we go. We’re out All right TRAVIS: Once in the street Do you really have syphilis? MARISHA: No SAM: Because everyone was sharing a hot tub with you LAURA: What’s going on? MARISHA: I am a little itchy TRAVIS: Yeah, seriously MARISHA: I feel splotchy SAM: Are you okay? LAURA: You look splotchy What’s going on, Beau? TRAVIS: We’re just trying to leave MARISHA: No, I just, well, I was also just trying to leave LAURA: Oh my god, what if there was some shit in the clay or something? Nott, how do you feel? Maybe there were like parasites or something SAM: What the fuck are you talking about? She wasn’t in the clay ASHLEY: Are you actually itchy? MARISHA: No, I just, it’s all freakishly familiar It’s reminding me of stuff that my father babbled about all the fucking time SAM: What is, my story? LIAM: Let’s take this back to the Xhorhaus MARISHA: Ugh LAURA: Okay LIAM: And Caleb starts leading, just walking towards the home, in hope– LAURA: I’m pretty sure I broke the curse on Nott, we should just try the spell again I’m pretty sure I broke it We should try it TALIESIN: Is there an actual rash happening here? Is Beau– MATT: Your perception of– TALIESIN: My passive perception MATT: Of 19 TALIESIN: Is, yeah, my passive perception is like cartoonishly– MATT: Yeah Beyond just the red marks for her scratching, doesn’t appear to be any sort of actual rash or– LAURA: Just mentally itchy TALIESIN: Can I– LIAM: Strip? TALIESIN: Come over and just, may I look at whatever– TRAVIS: (low voice noises) (laughter) TALIESIN: Do you mind if I take– is that what itches over there? Are you actually having a rash? MARISHA: No, I think I just– LAURA: No, these are just scratch marks, I rub Beau’s arm Looks like scratch mark, she’s scratching MARISHA: We’re focusing on the wrong part of the role play, everybody (laughter) LAURA: So she’s mentally itchy– SAM: Allergic to a fabric or– (laughter) is it– TALIESIN: Started wearing– TRAVIS: Do you have an EpiPen? EpiPen– TALIESIN: Of course I carry an EpiPen LIAM: Should never have touched that chair LAURA: So are we back at the Xhorhaus yet? SAM: Yes, oh, here we are at the Xhorhaus LAURA: Beau– SAM: Let’s make sure we don’t come in contact with any synthetic fabrics ASHLEY: Need an antihistamine? LAURA: Beau, sit down Nott, sit down Both of you, sit down SAM: I think, in this instance, we should definitely focus on Beau, because she’s in way worse shape than I am MARISHA: An oatmeal bath or something ASHLEY: Here MARISHA: No, no, wait, that’s not, no TRAVIS: What is that? What do you have? What do you have for her? ASHLEY: You said you had cottonmouth MARISHA: Oh yeah LIAM: That’s a trumpet TALIESIN: We just passed imaginary water Sorry LIAM: She didn’t say. Now it’s trumpet TRAVIS: Where do you find all these instruments, Yasha? (laughter) ASHLEY: I have learned that a trumpet helps with cottonmouth TRAVIS: Oh MARISHA: Actually gets the saliva going– ASHLEY: Saliva going TRAVIS: Yep. (blowing) MARISHA: (imitates a dying trumpet) LIAM: Rewind, rewind, rewind MATT: Wow TRAVIS: Yep. Off the rails SAM: You said that it reminded you of something What? MARISHA: My dad said he made a deal with a woman, in the woods, like, an old fortune teller woman SAM: Okay? LAURA: Did he say she had a weird laugh, or that she was in robes and she did something with goblins? TRAVIS: What was the deal for? MARISHA: He wanted to be successful, and to be wealthy, and to have the ability to marry my mother He was just a poor asshole street urchin who was in love with this lady of the town SAM: And it worked? MARISHA: In a way
It’s– he built his entire fucking life around this fortune teller, around a fucking tarot deck, basically SAM: But did it work, is he rich? Is he married to your mom? TRAVIS: Yeah MARISHA: She– yeah But she said that he would just– he would be successful and that she told him that he should start– he should buy a plot of land and just try farming, and he ended up buying this shitty piece of land that no one wanted because they couldn’t grow anything, and he was able to get grapes to grow, and then he turned it into this really successful winery, but he busted his ass doing it It wasn’t that he– he had fortune, or the future told He just– LAURA: But what about the woman? SAM: It sounds like– LAURA: What did she– TRAVIS: Did he say how he found her? Like how, who– LAURA: Did she talk about debts or something? LIAM: Also, you two live very far away from each other LAURA: Do you? LIAM: Many fairy tales with an old crone in the woods LAURA: Well, here’s the thing You’re up here, right? Where are you, Beau? TRAVIS: Yeah, Pride’s Call LIAM: Beau is here Felderwin is over here LAURA: Yeah, but if she lives in the mountains or something, maybe Beau’s– TRAVIS: Yeah, they’re only like four inches from each other ASHLEY: Should we ask your dad? MARISHA: Does Mount Mentiri– SAM: What is Mount Mentiri? MARISHA: –ring a bell? SAM: What is that, what does that mean? MATT: Mount Mentiri actually is right in this region LAURA: See? That’s days, that’s a day, that’s a couple days traveling from Felderwin You could do it SAM: Is that where he met this woman? MARISHA: He said he walked on foot, he heard about some woman who could trade SAM: She had a home in the woods, in the mountains? MARISHA: She had a home in the woods, and he just walked barefoot until he eventually found her TALIESIN: I’m setting up a little circle MARISHA: And he asked how he could find his own wealth, and she told him that he would be successful, and that he would have a successful winery, and that he would marry the woman he loved, and that he would birth a young beau to inherit the family business TRAVIS: Well, he didn’t do that– MARISHA: And he took it so literally that he named me Beau LAURA: Wow, your dad is super superstitious MARISHA: Yeah This piece of jade that he gave me, it’s the only thing that I keep on me It’s the only real gift he ever gave me, because he thought it would protect me He always gave me good luck trinkets SAM: It’s a piece of jade? TRAVIS: Are you sure it’s just a good luck trinket? MARISHA: It’s just a piece– it’s just a jade necklace TRAVIS: Holy shit, you never checked? LAURA: Ooh, Caleb, check it out Is it fancy? SAM: I feel like, okay– you know, it’s been a rough day, but in the last six hours we’ve learned that Caduceus and Fjord are brothers TRAVIS: We’ve not learned that SAM: And that– we’ve learned everything about you and me Maybe we should all just say everything that’s ever happened to us– ASHLEY: I’ve told my story before SAM: — in our lives Well, I’ve told my story before Why didn’t you hear it before? MARISHA: Because it– a woman dousing you in a river could be any old woman I didn’t– I don’t know TRAVIS: It’s hard to hear on this side of the table (laughter) TALIESIN: I have begun casting Commune MATT: Okay MARISHA: I thought it was a coincidence I didn’t think it had any merit to connect our pasts It sounded vague enough, I don’t know SAM: Can you ask your father what this woman looked like? LAURA: What was her name? SAM: Or where she was found, or– can you send him a message? You connected– LAURA: I’ll send him a message SAM: — with her father? LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah TRAVIS: Yeah, it freaks him out LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, What if I send him a message, I pretend to be the old woman– SAM: Of course, that’s a no-brainer LAURA: Yeah TRAVIS: Didn’t you do that once already? LAURA: Well, I didn’t know who I was pretending to be– I just spit a little bit I didn’t know who I was pretending to be, but this time, I will pretend to be the old woman SAM: So you just say, “Hi, I’m the old woman who–” LAURA: What’s my name?! SAM: What’s my name and where do I live? LAURA: Where do I live?! Tell me that If you can tell me that, you’re free from all your curses Can I do that? TALIESIN: (clears throat) MATT: About that moment, you see Caduceus, who has prepared a small circle of trinkets, implements are on the ground, fall into a momentary trace Caduceus, all the sounds of chatting and bickering and confused, raised voices here in the house begin to fade, as you feel the familiar warm breeze blow over you You can sense the clouds above traveling at a far greater speed Time begins to accelerate, but slow to a crawl simultaneously,
and you feel the warm, familiar presence of your protector TALIESIN: Does the woman who cursed Nott live? MATT: The breeze comes cold and biting, not in a way to deny it, but in a way that shivers the truth through you TALIESIN: Has this creature ever had a conversation with Beau’s father? MATT: The cold breeze rescinds, and then, blows with equal strength SAM: Oh MARISHA: Was that a yes or a no? SAM: Yes LAURA: I think it’s a no SAM: Can’t you read wind? (laughter) LIAM: That’s a yes from me (laughter) LAURA: (blows air) TALIESIN: Does my family wait for me at the Menagerie? MATT: The cold breeze comes once more, but this time, it turns warm, to confirm as well, but this answer with less intensity But all confirmations nonetheless TALIESIN: Good (sighing) I regret my weakness LAURA: What did you learn, Caduceus? SAM: What does that mean? TALIESIN: We need to go see your father MARISHA: What do you mean, you regret your weakness? TALIESIN: Oh, that wasn’t for you MARISHA: Uh-huh TALIESIN: We need to talk to your father MARISHA: I don’t wanna? LAURA: Oh yeah, but if we talk to your dad, we don’t have to go see the goblins TALIESIN: More to the point, we don’t know where the goblins are, but we do know where your father is TRAVIS: If you don’t want to talk to your father, I could do it Hi, I’m Beau, I don’t give a fuck Fuck you, Dad MARISHA: That’s pretty good, actually (laughter) ASHLEY: When was the last time that you saw your dad? MARISHA: The night he slapped me across the face as I was getting drug out by the monks TRAVIS: Ooh LAURA: He slapped you as you were leaving? MARISHA: Yeah LAURA: I really don’t like your dad ASHLEY: Yeah, I’m starting to like him even less than I did before MARISHA: He’s a complicated man TALIESIN: I don’t know, that didn’t sound too complicated LIAM: Yeah, but for our friend, would you– would you? MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: Thank you, Beauregard SAM: Yes, thank you But do we need to go there in person? It’s very far away LAURA: It’s kind of close to Rexxentrum TRAVIS: How would we not go there in person? MARISHA: Closest to Zadash SAM: Can we just send a message or–? MARISHA: If we’re going to go find her, we got to go there anyway TRAVIS: It’s true LIAM: Yeah, we need to go to that region We could warn your father that we are coming I could take us to Zadash We could travel on foot MARISHA: Well, I don’t know if this is a conversation I want to have in 25 words TALIESIN: We should go in person LIAM: You want to just show up at the doorstep? SAM: Wait, wait– MARISHA: He threw me off the doorstep so why can’t I just fucking show up? LAURA: That’s right TALIESIN: I’ll also point out– LAURA: Show up TALIESIN: He’d have a hard time throwing you off the doorstep again at this point TRAVIS: That’s true LAURA: We could throw him off the doorstep, and slap him across the face, right as we do it SAM: But also, being nice enough so that he’ll tell us the information that we’re– LAURA: We can make him talk if we’re mean TRAVIS: Jesus, Jester TALIESIN: In all seriousness, I do have it on pretty good authority that there is something to be gained, of seeing one’s parents once we’ve matured enough to see how fragile they are SAM: I appreciate all of you, you know, committing to go and do these things on my behalf but we had a plan. We have a plan We’re going to Caduceus’ family and we’re going to meet– we have to. I think we’ve– have we sent the boat to meet us already or no? TRAVIS: It’s weeks away TALIESIN: Weeks MARISHA: We still have time SAM: But this is the other direction by thousands of miles
TALIESIN: Not really SAM: It is, though TRAVIS: The Menagerie is where? TALIESIN: South LIAM: Straight down LAURA: I can just tell Orly. It’s been like what? An hour? He hasn’t left yet. I can tell Orly: Hey, don’t meet us there. Meet us in Nicodranas SAM: It’s not just about that I mean, there’s no immediacy We don’t have to find this woman today Caduceus, you are on a path TALIESIN: I don’t know if I’m quite ready yet SAM: You seemed to be TALIESIN: Hmm I don’t know SAM: I mean, it’s not just you, either You’ve got a brother now MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Ah– ha, mm SAM: I mean, he wants to meet his family, too TRAVIS: No, it’s not, no, nope SAM: I see the resemblance LIAM: Listen, you can’t deny the immense coincidence involved TRAVIS: Of course, yes LIAM: That has to mean something TRAVIS: I don’t think it does TALIESIN: I think it does mean something I just don’t necessarily think we know what it means And– I’ve– (laughter) SAM: I mean, it’s pretty obvious TALIESIN: No, it really isn’t SAM: You have the same nose TALIESIN: We really don’t TRAVIS: No He is a totally different– TALIESIN: Literally, it couldn’t be more different TRAVIS: His hair is far better than mine TALIESIN: Thank you SAM: Accents are the same TALIESIN: I like your hair LIAM: You share a calling SAM: Yeah LAURA: Well, that LIAM: But just that, it’s a lot SAM: No Yeah, that’s a lot MARISHA: And sometimes, coincidences are just coincidences TRAVIS: Exactly LAURA: Sometimes, though, it means that, you know, your dad interacted with the person that cursed your friend MARISHA: Do we know that for sure, or is that– LAURA: Yeah. We got confirmation from the Wildmother TALIESIN: It’s– SAM: Yeah, I mean– TALIESIN: We’re going the right direction SAM: Fjord talked to the Wild, oh, I’m sorry You’re Caduceus I get them mixed up sometimes, because they’re so similar (laughter) TALIESIN: It’s bothered me I’ve been trying to think of a way to help you through it for a long while, Nott, and what I can do to– Everyone else is easier to help with their struggles You are complicated, and it’s been difficult in this, and it’s nice to finally have a path forward as a way to help you TRAVIS: Yes, plus what if this is not the only hold that she has over you? I mean, she prevented the tremendously powerful spell from taking effect What if there’s something else? We have to find out what this leads to We don’t have to confront your dad, or even involve you if you’re really uncomfortable about it We’re not forcing anybody to do anything, but I think we need to clear your ledger MATT: You do have access to the library, to research if you wanted to MARISHA: In Zadash? MATT: Well, in pretty much any of the Cobalt Soul Libraries, but that’s the nearest one there LIAM: It’s all you– we have been working toward SAM: I know, but if I’m being honest, we got so close, and I think I had a little bit of cold feet LIAM: What do you mean? LAURA: How do you feel now? MARISHA: You got really close. You committed to it SAM: I know LAURA: Do you feel relief? SAM: A little bit, yeah LAURA: Sometimes, when you play eenie, meenie, miny moe, because you don’t know which choice you want, and then you get to the moe, and then, you know at the end if you wanted the thing or if you didn’t want the thing by what you land on You know what I mean? It makes the choice for you when you find out what you can and can’t do LIAM: I know what you mean SAM: I do know what you mean But– TALIESIN: Well put SAM: I mean, I can’t, I have to pursue it I do want to be me again It just, it was happening so fast It was a little scary I mean, Caduceus, you said you’re not ready yet I don’t know if I’m ready yet MARISHA: I don’t know if I’m ready to see my dad yet, but that’s a bunch of us waiting for something to happen to us TALIESIN: And I’ve accepted the inevitability that when we head towards the Traveler, that we’re going to be right where I need to be, and that’s inevitable That’s gravity pulling me there I think we have to spend the time before that doing as much as we can for everybody TRAVIS: How long has it been, Beau, since you’ve seen your father? How many years? MARISHA: Two, three?
MATT: Close to three years MARISHA: Three? TRAVIS: A lot can happen in that amount of time SAM: How would we get there? TALIESIN: Teleport MARISHA: We teleport to Zadash SAM: It’s still days away LAURA: A couple days LIAM: A few days, but that would take us to Nicodranas MARISHA: It’s not that far on horseback I know, I’ve done the trek TRAVIS: Yeah, we ride ASHLEY: Has he reached out to you since? MARISHA: I got a letter from my mother, about six months or so, maybe more, being at the Cobalt Soul, saying, um that they had been granted their greatest wish and had a son Named him Thoreau, Jr. after my father SAM: How many years ago? MARISHA: I guess he’s like two now LAURA: You’ve never met your brother? ASHLEY: Do you want to? MARISHA: It’s hard to even think of him as my brother LAURA: Why? MARISHA: No connection or context for the kid He’s just a name and a letter LAURA: Do you wonder if, when you see him, you’ll feel that way? MARISHA: Maybe SAM: You said that the woman told your father that he would have a beau, and that that would do what? That that would complete the spell or what is that? MARISHA: Young beau to take on his name, continue his bloodline, and take over his family business and all of those things LAURA: I thought beau means like– SAM: Boy LAURA: Your boyfriend or something SAM: Or boy LAURA: Oh, it’s just a boy? SAM: I think so MARISHA: It has a few different interpretations And he thought he was getting a boy, so as soon as my mom got pregnant, he got really set on that son And you know, for a long time, I tried to bend my life to what he wanted I was willing to take over the family business I just wanted to do it my way, and he didn’t want that ASHLEY: What does your way look like? MARISHA: I liked traveling and fighting, and talking to people, so I wanted to take the Lionett wine, and take it to neighboring cities, and expand it into Zadash, and we’d get this big name and I tried to convince him several times to load up a cart and a couple horses, and give me a few crates and let me take off and see what I could do, selling crates to different taverns, anyone who would take it And he thought that that was a useless waste of time, and that I would get hurt, something would happen to me And that it was best if I just learned how to crunch numbers and do accounting and balance books He didn’t want me to leave He never wanted me to leave, because he was terrified that fate was going to come knocking at his door And then, one day, I realized that I was building my whole life around what someone else told him his life was going to be, and that it was this endless fucking cycle of everyone chasing a destiny LIAM: Empire fathers do love their sons MARISHA: Yes, they do LAURA: Sounds like he was very protective of you MARISHA: He was It always felt selfish, like if something happened to me, his entire fucking dynasty would come crumbling down around him TRAVIS: We have a picture of your family now; they’re very successful in this area Does that mean that you have lived on an estate? Is there security? Does your father have men? Or is it as simple as walking up and knocking on the door? MARISHA: Pretty big winery, big house, a few stories Very upper-class life that he built Does my dad have any men? Would he have bodyguards? Maybe a couple? MATT: He’d probably have a couple of folks that work to both just watch the premises they lived at and to keep watch on storage of their wines, as well as the process
MARISHA: I relay the message ASHLEY: Does he know how capable you are in battle, Beau? Because you’re one of the best fighters I’ve ever seen MARISHA: I don’t know what he knows SAM: Hmm MARISHA: Him giving me away was the greatest thing that ever happened to me It led me to all of you LAURA: We should let him know that LIAM: Let him see what got away We have to speak to him Even if we don’t go trudging into the mountains or into the middle of a goblin camp, we need to find out We have talked about it for (sighs) ages SAM: Yeah, I know I know, yes, you’re right You’re right LIAM: And we have the time now We can follow this trail as far as we want, and Beau can lead SAM: Yes, and I suppose, even after we find this woman, we don’t have to do the thing right away, if– LAURA: Exactly SAM: If I’m not feeling it Right? We can– LIAM: It is an open offer LAURA: We go find the woman, we destroy her, or we destroy the curse, whichever TALIESIN: At least we take a step in that direction LAURA: And then, you can be free to do whatever you want to SAM: If we destroy her or destroy her magic, does that somehow mean that Beau’s father will lose everything? LAURA: Hmm TALIESIN: I don’t think so LAURA: Possible MARISHA: I don’t think so, either SAM: Like he won’t die or anything, right? It won’t be like a Back to the Future situation? LAURA: Maybe it will protect him, because whatever deal he made with her, I’m sure she traded something pretty valuable for it TRAVIS: I don’t know if there’s any way to know I threw the sword in the lava, and that was it LIAM: I’m sure if we did– SAM: You’re Fjord, right? MARISHA: That was it for Uk’otoa Sorry I dropped my staff again TRAVIS: You got to stop doing that It’s getting tinier and tinier each time It’s splintering into pieces Let me get it for you– MARISHA: Should get a new one Thank you, thank you TRAVIS: (whooshing) MARISHA: It’s nunchuks now, dope! LIAM: I don’t know, I think if we did destroy this woman, it would not undo time It would, maybe at worst spoil the land, if that SAM: Well, it’s evening now? MATT: No, after all the work and preparing for the ritual that you guys did, it’s afternoon SAM: I mean, do we go now? TALIESIN: I say we go now LAURA: Let’s go MARISHA: If we’re going through Zadash, and we’re going through the Cobalt Soul, we can do a little bit of research first before we leave TRAVIS: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm LAURA: Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet TALIESIN: I say we go now, and then get horses, and leave in the morning from– MARISHA: Yeah, we can always stay the night in my room LAURA: Oh, yeah, all of us just pile in? MARISHA: Yeah TRAVIS: This is exciting Totally serious, but exciting MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, it’s exciting, yeah Yep LAURA: Doing it? We’re doing it? TRAVIS: Let’s do it We’re on our way MARISHA: All right All right, hang on, everyone Make sure everything’s unplugged Turn off the hot water heater ASHLEY: Oven’s off MARISHA: All right I’m going to go upstairs, check everything SAM: It looks like some fruit over here Should we throw– LAURA: Just take it No, put it in my bag, put it my bag TALIESIN: Compost into the kitchen– SAM: I mean, what are we going to do with 12 oranges? LAURA: Take them with us SAM: Really? LAURA: Yeah SAM: All right LAURA: I will eat that shit LIAM: Caleb goes to their shared laboratory, and just does 90% of what is required to travel to Zadash MATT: All right LIAM: Waits til everyone is ready MATT: Fair enough TALIESIN: Drain the hot tub MATT: You drain your hot tub (laughter) LAURA: Oh, man, that’s going to take forever to fill back up TRAVIS: You don’t want to come back to the green water It’s terrible LAURA: (gagging) TALIESIN: Best for everything TRAVIS: Yeah SAM: Get syphilis from it MATT: All righty Is there anything specific anyone needs to prep before you make your way towards Caleb’s Teleportation Circle? LIAM: You ready? TALIESIN: I feel pretty good LIAM: Here we go LAURA: Do we need to prep anything? MARISHA: The back of my neck is really sweaty LIAM: Psyche yourself up MARISHA: Ugh SAM: We don’t need to tell Essek we’re leaving, we don’t need to do anything We’re just going to go LAURA: I’m going to Essek we’re leaving LIAM: Yeah, last thing I said to him is that we would see him soon LAURA: Okay, yeah, I’m going to send Essek a message MATT: All right LAURA: Hey, Essek, we’re going to find that evil laughing lady so that means we’ll be back, I don’t know when We’ll be at the negotiations, though, don’t worry Breakfast was fun MATT: He got most of that LAURA: Okay
MATT: (chuckles) TRAVIS: I forgot to count MATT: He responds, “Very well “I have my own business to attend to, as well “So good luck, and I’m sure we’ll cross paths “again very soon.” LAURA: He says he loves you so much, Caleb SAM: What? TRAVIS: He did? LAURA: Yeah, he was like, “Caleb–” LIAM: Yeah, yeah, insight check, yeah TALIESIN: That was great LIAM: That is a 23 LAURA: Aw (laughter) MATT: Make a deception check, Jester (laughter) TRAVIS: Roll versus roll! Boom! LAURA: Aww! (laughter) LAURA: Seven MATT: All righty You’ve gathered your things from the Xhorhaus– TRAVIS: Fuck me MATT: You go and meet Caleb in the laboratory as he completes the majority of the teleportation circle with the central sigil that leads you towards Zadash TALIESIN: Zadash MATT: He finishes the final marking, you see it light up in the familiar sense The doorway is open You rush through, one after another– SAM: Were we supposed warn them we’re coming? (laughter) LIAM: Oh, shi– TALIESIN: We are the worst Oh LIAM: It’s too much to track, man It’s so much to track MATT: You return to the familiar underground teleportation nexus of the Cobalt Soul where two of the guards, suddenly spin around– MARISHA: I’m sorry, I’m– I’m sorry LIAM: I didn’t meant to do the last marking on the floor I got a little overexcited– MATT: “It’s all right, it’s all right.” MARISHA: Forgetting the protocol LAURA: It’s my bad I– remember, I’m the one that does it I should’ve sent a message MARISHA: It was a Sunday, I wasn’t thinking of people being in on office hours TRAVIS: What’s Sunday? LAURA: What’s a Sunday? LIAM: There’s sun every day (laughter) TRAVIS: That syphilis is hitting the mind real hard SAM: Oh, that’s fast (laughter) There’s the itch MARISHA: It itches SAM: Then you lose track of the days, then your ears fall off (laughter) LIAM: You’re the old crone, it’s you LAURA: (laughing) TRAVIS: Let’s research some shit MARISHA: All right MATT: You have access to the Cobalt Soul If there’s anything you want to specifically try and research, now is the time to do so SAM: Is there a book on old women? MARISHA: Old hags in woods? SAM: Who can grant wishes? MARISHA: Is there– there’s got to be, right? LAURA: Like myths, local myths? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah MATT: Well, what is it your trying to research I guess is more the question? LIAM: Otherworldly deal-makers MARISHA: Old ladies in woods LAURA: Women that trade in fortune TALIESIN: The mysterious women who grant wishes who live in the forest calendar of this year (laughter) It’s got to be a calendar TRAVIS: There are no titles matching that search TALIESIN: I found a calendar for men with plants this week, I’m not kidding, it was just pictures of men with plants They’ve got a calendar for everything SAM: Don’t google that MATT: So– LAURA: Oh boy (laughter) MATT: That Taliesin endorsed Who wants to research what? What preparation are you doing? Who’s looking for what? MARISHA: I’m going to hit local myths MATT: Local myths MARISHA: That sound like old hags in– LIAM: Yeah, fairy tales in Kamordah I will assist Beauregard SAM: I’m going to do some research, too I’m going to do any books about goblin movements around– goblin, goblin shit MATT: Okay Goblin travel patterns Go ahead and make– if you’re assisting, go ahead and make an investigation check with advantage MARISHA: ♪ Yay for advantage. ♪ 24 MATT: 24 MARISHA: Oh, 23, 23 MATT: 23 Still pretty damn good That’s actually really good, okay So what you end up finding is a record of somewhat, I’d say known, but at least spoken about soothsayers and hermits that fit similar to the realm of what you’re looking for, within the region of the Marrow Valley There’s a number of them, and some that are up north There are some that, you know, wander through the Cyrios Mountains On the Menagerie Coast side, there’s talk of one hermit that lives way, way out in the Menagerie Coast, this female protector of the island creatures All these different, unique stories and stuff There’s one that you– there’s two that you find that are local to the area you’re looking in the Marrow Valley One is Isharnai, the Prism Sage MARISHA: Ashani– MATT: Isharnai, the Prism Sage TRAVIS: Do I dare ask you to spell that?
MATT: I-S-H-A-R-N-A-I MARISHA: Isharnai TRAVIS: The Prison Sage? LAURA: The Prism? MATT: The Prism Sage A woman who lives alone among the Cyrios Mountain Woods, north of the Bromkiln Hills She wields strange magics, weaving boons and hexes for those who make the journey to find her Demanding high prices for her deeds, sometimes beyond mere coin You also find Old Masqier MARISHA: Old? MATT: Old Masqier MARISHA: Mask? MATT: M-A-S-Q-I-E-R LAURA: Mm, okay TALIESIN: Oh LAURA: Yeah, that’s a better spelling MATT: Old Masqier is a gnarled gnome of terse temperament, who migrates through the Cyrengreen Forest Known to take sides with the forest over civilization, he has both been a healer and an adversary to some over the decades, depending on the disposition when encountering them SAM: That’s a man– LAURA: That’s a gnome? A gnomish man? MATT: Yes LIAM: That’s a wandering druid LAURA: That sounds like not the right one SAM: What was his name? Old– LAURA: Old Maqier MATT: Old Masqier LAURA: Masqier MARISHA: The Cyrengreen Forest, is that what you said? MATT: Correct TALIESIN: Common sense TRAVIS: Where is that? MATT: The Cyrengreen Forest is here TRAVIS: Okay LAURA: Okay MATT: And the other is north of Bromkiln Hills LAURA: North of the Bromkiln Hills TALIESIN: I’m excited by both these options MARISHA: Well it’s not Old Masqier LAURA: It’s got to be Isharnai MARISHA: Is that it, or are those the– MATT: Those are the two that find that match what you’re looking for loosely, as far as hermited sages and you know, soothsayers, people that deal in the sort of stuff that you’re looking for in the region MARISHA: Any other detail on Isharnai? Is she old? Does it say how long these stories go back, anything? MATT: The stories go back about 50 or so years MARISHA: That doesn’t feel right MATT: And they’re just, you know, loose mutterings of people who had encounters with both of them LIAM: Here’s another stack, try these MARISHA: Mm, okay All right This– that’s my roll LIAM: It’s pretty good MARISHA: Right? MATT: Yeah LAURA: Hey, maybe I can try scrying on Isharnai Describe what she looks like again SAM: Well, she’s a human, so sort of like Beau, except way older LAURA: Okay SAM: And not strong like Beau? And also, with a hood, and also, not looking anything like Beauregard in any way LAURA: So just basically human SAM: Like a human LAURA: Like an old ass human SAM: Yeah, yeah, like saggy jowls, and– LAURA: Are you sure it was a human and not like a half-elf? SAM: You know what, I’m really not, no LAURA: Humanoid, old ass humanoid SAM: Old ass humanoid LAURA: In robes SAM: Yeah, that day LAURA: Okay SAM: And she said, “Debt paid,” and her voice sounded like this, “A debt paid.” LAURA: It sounded like you SAM: Yeah LAURA: Okay MATT: Well, if you want, roll an intelligence check for me SAM: Just a straight intelligence? 13 MATT: 13 Okay, you have a fairly decent recollection of what she looks like from the brief moment you encountered You actually have a pretty good mental image LAURA: Can you make yourself look like her? SAM: I can try I will cast whatever that is LAURA: Disguise Self? SAM: Disguise Self, thank you And do my best There’s some blurry bits LAURA: Okay MATT: Yeah, there’s no hood beyond the one that Nott has, so there’s no clothing element to it, but from the face that you can see, you see what appears to be a humanoid woman, elongated features, very high cheekbones that ride the side of the face back far, jowls that seem very deep, but then hang below, almost like a Droopy Dog type– LAURA: Ugh MATT: — aesthetic MARISHA: Droopy Dog MATT: But far less adorable TRAVIS: (as Droopy Dog) Oh, shit (laughter) MATT: And these dull, green eyes LAURA: Does she look human to me, or does she look like otherworldly to me? MATT: It rides a line LAURA: Okay SAM: And because I didn’t see her hair– LIAM: It’s pretty stretched SAM: I’m going to just make it a mohawk And because I didn’t see her body very much, I’m just going to make it look like three kobolds (laughter) LAURA: I’m going to focus on the face (laughter) MATT: But it is quite a sight for the rest of you LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay I’m going to try and scry on her MATT: Okay, so you’re saying you’re going to attempt a scry ritual LAURA: Yeah, in the library MATT: Okay As you’re sketching it up, one of the monks is like, “I’m sorry, miss?” LAURA: Huh?
MARISHA: They’re with me What? LAURA: I’m not– what? MATT: “Nothing, continue.” And they shuffle– (laughs) TRAVIS: That’s awesome MARISHA: Yeah MATT: You finish the spell, you close your eyes, reach your consciousness out to the Traveler, to take you where it needs to be SAM: Hello TRAVIS: Uh-oh Uh-oh SAM: Some rolling over there MATT: The Traveler– you see the sleeves emerge from the ether around you, the imagery of the arms touching and framing yours like a papa bear over the cub LAURA: Kind of like matching my tattoo? MATT: A little bit, yeah And as you do, you feel your consciousness drift out of the library, brought up into the clouds once more, rushed through the darkened, rain-bearing sky, until eventually you’re brought down rapidly through fog, and through mists into the treetops You come through bramble forests, and dark, dangerous wood, and rocky, mountainside cliffs before you come to rest where it seems like the interior of some sort of a house Small, dense, cluttered, organized, in a way Everything has its place, but it is very, very jam packed, filled, and you see that the radius, what looks like the outline of many collected books, papers, broken lanterns and pieces, elements of animal bone You can see a large collection of jars and vials of things that you can’t quite make out the details of what’s inside You see just in the corner, what looks to be a collection of stones that are arranged in a pattern, and then, in the center of the chamber, you see a woman wrapped in heavy tattered robes with these long elements of gold trim rope wrapped around shoulder to side shoulder to side, holding it on in a very unique sort of ready to travel pattern You see the familiar face of her, currently looking down, and grasp some of these arranged runes on the side LAURA: Are her arms long? MATT: Her arms are long LAURA: Yeah MATT: The fingers extending outward, reminding you of Keona the Keen, but with a physicality that matches SAM: Ooh. What is she? MATT: The movement seems– while you were debating the human aspect of her with the visual element of the illusion, the physicality of her definitely scatters any idea of your standard human soothsayer Unable to really gauge size, it’s hard to tell, but the movements themselves are sweeping unnatural grace to rapid grasps, and then, snatching, as she takes some of these arranged runes and you can see, to the ground in front of her, there are these unique sketches with charcoal of some kind, these small circles She takes the runes and scatters them onto the ground As they all scatter and then arrange, almost like there are magnets holding them to place LAURA: Do the runes look familiar to me at all? MATT: They’re just outside of the range to make any detail, but you can see them hitting and scattering into place LAURA: Okay MATT: At which point, her eyes go– LAURA: (gasps) MATT: “Hello.” LAURA: Oh, shi-i-i-t MATT: “Who’s this I see?” LAURA: Um, Fiona Fancypants (laughter) MATT: You can’t converse through it LAURA: Oh no MATT: But she just slowly stands up, very aware of the scrying, arcane bobble that you’ve sent there, and just puts the arms almost like wrapping around it, and just goes– “Oh, my curiosity is piqued “I hope this means I’m having visitors.” LAURA: (gasps) And it slams out LAURA: (yelling) SAM: Are you okay? What happened? LAURA: Oh my god She’s so scary, she’s so scary She knew I was there, she knew I was scrying on her Oh my god SAM: Did she threaten you? Did she see you? Did she know who you are? LAURA: I don’t know I don’t know if she saw me, I don’t know if she saw who I was, I don’t know, I don’t know She just said that she thought she was going to have company, because she saw that I was looking at her She had really long hands and long arms, and she’s scary as fuck LIAM: There goes the element of surprise LAURA: Oh my god Oh my god SAM: She must be very magical LAURA: Her face was so close to my scrying eye It was so close
TRAVIS: (laughs) Did you see up her nose? LAURA: I mean, I saw hair coming out of it, I saw a booger hanging on the side of her nostril That’s how close she was ASHLEY: Did she say anything? LAURA: She said, “What is this curiosity?” SAM: See, I told you she sounded like that LAURA: Yes, she did SAM: Can you disguise yourself and make you look like her? LAURA: Oh my god, I cast Disguise Self, and I do it so everyone can see how scary she was SAM: Ugh ASHLEY: Ah! LAURA: And she was like this SAM: Ugh, with the fingers? LAURA: And then she would go like this And then like– SAM: What is that? MATT: You can see the gnarled clumps of hair that drift out of the sides of the robe, tangled and knotted into these large, gathered rats’ nests LAURA: I walk up and start dancing next to Fjord (hissing) TRAVIS: Please no MATT: There are now four members of the Cobalt Soul Library that are about 25 feet away, going– LIAM: It’s all right LAURA: What do you want?! MATT: A few others are coming to join LIAM: We are The Mighty Nein TRAVIS: Beauregard, can we get bottle service over here? What’s wrong with you? Are you okay? MARISHA: I’m okay TRAVIS: Does that ring any bells, that visage? SAM: Wait, have you seen this person? MARISHA: No SAM: Okay ASHLEY: Does this look like– this looks like the woman, yeah? LAURA: Am I traumatizing you, Nott, you want me to drop it? SAM: No, I mean, I just looked like her a second ago LAURA: That’s true SAM: So it’s fine LAURA: But then you can’t see that part, you know what I mean? SAM: That’s true No, it’s fine You do look super creepy, though ASHLEY: Wait, you said she was laughing at you–? SAM: She was laughing, yes, and– LAURA: I drop it. (laughs) SAM: She seemed delighted that whatever she did to me worked and that she’d created something horrifying TRAVIS: You said you were hoping, what? SAM: Why, do you know something about her, as well? ASHLEY: No. I was just going to se if maybe– SAM: Because everyone seems to be connected all of a sudden LAURA: Oh, man, she’s really smart What if she connects the dots that it’s you, that it’s something about you that was scrying on her, because you know, she just laughed– SAM: How would she do that? What? LAURA: Because she just laughed in your head, you know? SAM: But that could’ve been from ages ago LAURA: That’s true. But maybe she gets senses when it happens, because she’s really powerful MARISHA: Let’s go get some drinks SAM: Oh, that’s not a bad idea TRAVIS: Are we done looking up everything? MARISHA: I think so TRAVIS: Let’s go MARISHA: I have checked out all of the information on where to find– LAURA: I draw– MATT: Okay, yeah, it’s Cyrios Mountain Woods, north of the Bromkiln Hills LAURA: Some Kama Sutra within the Cobalt Soul books before we leave MATT: Roughly LAURA: Okay, goodbye MARISHA: Yeah SAM: It’s canon She drew something in some books MATT: Mm Make a sleight of hand check LAURA: Give me Guidance– TRAVIS: Really? LAURA: Guide me TALIESIN: Not for this LAURA: I’m going to guide myself! SAM: Guidance (laughter) LAURA: ♪ Sleight of hand ♪ 19 MATT: 19? LAURA: Oh, wait, I got a d4, too Hold on, hold on, I guided myself TALIESIN: I’ll remind you to guide it, but I’m not going to guide it for you LAURA: Ah, 20 MATT: 20, okay You proceed to leave a series– LAURA: ♪ Churning the butter ♪ (Matt laughing) TALIESIN: Call back MATT: And as tightly watched as you are, Beau’s presence leaves them a little more comfortable about the fact that they’re not having to look over your shoulder for the research you’re doing You manage to leave a few of these sketches within the books you find, and put them away without being called on it You’re uncertain if you’ve been noticed, but you certainly weren’t called out or publicly punished for it LAURA: Nice SAM: We’re going to go get a drink Are we staying in Beau’s house tonight? Or are we going to stay at dad’s place? TALIESIN: Dad’s is a bit of a ways off LIAM: Yeah, we’re in Zadash We probably need to find a place to stay for the evening, and set out in the morning LAURA: Yeah TRAVIS: Beau’s house was the plan LAURA: Beau’s house is– TRAVIS: I mean, Beau’s place MARISHA: They’re talking about The Gentleman LAURA: The Gentleman, my mama, my dad SAM: Yeah, the Evening Nip, The Gentleman LAURA: We’ve got a room there, too, you know? Wherever we want to go Maybe we see where we’ll end up after we drink But Beau’s room is nicer SAM: But the Gentleman’s house is your dad, right? LAURA: Yup LIAM: Dads is the theme of the day LAURA: That is my dad TRAVIS: Should we go get drinks at the Leaky Nip and then– SAM: (laughs) It’s the Evening Nip TRAVIS: And then see if– MARISHA: Have you told us that before? LAURA: What? MARISHA: Have you told us that dad bit? SAM: I mean, we suspected it, right? MARISHA: Do we have confirmation? LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I mean, I’m assuming that I told you MARISHA: Okay, yeah LAURA: We’re roommates after all MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: This is Jester and Marisha LAURA: Yeah (laughter) But yeah, you guys, he totally, definitely told me, he’s definitely, totally my dad Yasha, my dad is The Gentleman ASHLEY: The, the– LAURA: The blue guy?
Remember, he’s blue? ASHLEY: The moist–? LAURA: He’s– yeah, it’s– yeah SAM: Tall drink of water MARISHA: Who has all of our blood on file LAURA: Yeah, but now we know he’s going to be cool about it, because he’s my dad He’s not going to do anything fucked up, you know? ASHLEY: That’s really cool He seemed really cool TALIESIN: Uh LAURA: He is ASHLEY: I really, I liked him, I feel weird that he has some of my blood, but I really like him I think it’s very cool that you found your dad TALIESIN: I feel like the moral of the last couple of months is, “Dads can do some messed up things.” I don’t know if, “He’s my dad, he’s not going to do anything uncool” is really the moral we’re supposed to walk away with LAURA: I’m pretty sure that’s what it is TALIESIN: Okay SAM: Well, we have options We can go to the Leaky Tap, we can go to the Evening Nip, we can go the Song and Supper Inn It’s a karaoke bar We can go up to the Pillow Trove (laughter) We can go to Chastity’s Nook porn shop We can go to– LAURA: Always a solid option TALIESIN: Karaoke bar that only has public– SAM: Pumat Sol’s LAURA: Did we have anything, is he making us anything? TRAVIS: Nope ASHLEY: There’s a porn shop? TRAVIS: No, no. It wasn’t really porn, it was more like cheap– LAURA: That’s where we got Tusk Love, Yasha LIAM: Does anybody got a Player’s Handbook? ASHLEY: Oh, that’s right LIAM: Here’s one right there. I’ll take that one, though SAM: Are we going to go to the karaoke place? MARISHA: No, it’s too loud at the karaoke place TRAVIS: Let’s go to The Gentleman’s MARISHA: People sing LAURA: Yeah, let’s go to– SAM: What’s wrong with singing? Singing’s nice MARISHA: When people do karaoke, they try too hard SAM: No, you have your song that you go, you have a song that you always sing, and you’re good at it ASHLEY: Do you have a song that you always sing? LAURA: What do you sing? SAM: Sweet Caroline ASHLEY: How does it go? SAM: Well, it’s in– (laughter) It’s in Abyssal (laughter) ASHLEY: I happen to speak Abyssal, so I’ll know exactly what you’re singing (laughter) SAM: (clears throat) It goes like this (to the tune of Sweet Caroline) ♪ Nach, whoa nehha ♪ ALL BUT SAM: ♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪ SAM: ♪ No hha la ma whoa ne leia. ♪ ♪ Mich hha me ka ♪ ALL BUT SAM: ♪ Bah, bah, bah ♪ SAM: ♪ Mo hhach Caroline me hhuh ♪ (laughter) TALIESIN: Ow! ASHLEY: Wow I feel like a lot of those, you said, you had sentences that sometimes didn’t make sense (laughter) SAM: I learned it, like, third hand, and I think, all the people, you know, they had a selection of songs, and some of them were in Abyssal I think they got their book from an Abyssal karaoke bar? LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah SAM: Or something, and so– LAURA: That’s weird that that’s your go to, though SAM: Well, I mean, nobody sang those songs, so I felt like those were more open game Everyone kept singing the same songs all the time ASHLEY: Yeah, because you said something like, “Good times never felt so flute.” It was like wrong– TALIESIN: Conjugation ASHLEY: Well, no, I think it’s, “Good times never felt so good,” I think TALIESIN: That makes a lot more sense SAM: That doesn’t make any sense “Good times never felt so good?” ASHLEY: What’s the lyrics? SAM: Stupid lyrics MARISHA: Some lazy songwriting ASHLEY: ♪ Good times never felt so good ♪ MARISHA: ♪ Bah blah blah ♪ SAM: That’s stupid I think it’s flute MATT: This– TALIESIN: Good times never felt so flute LIAM: What the shit is going on? LAURA: So karaoke or Leaky Nip? MARISHA and LIAM: Leaky Nip ASHLEY: Yeah, we already got some music from– MATT: There’s the Leaky Tap and there’s the Evening Nip Where you going? (laughs) TRAVIS: The Evening Nip :IAM: We open our own pub called The Leaky Nip in between the two places LAURA: We’re going to The Gentleman’s MARISHA: I’m kind of into this MATT: Okay All righty MARISHA: We should save money for this. It’s a good idea MATT: All righty LIAM: Both businesses hate us MATT: So you make your way to the familiar dive bar that is The Evening Nip You remember the needed password, and are let down within the subterranean bar It’s a bit empty at the moment At this point, not entire sure whether people are busy or have other business to take care of The Gentleman is not immediately in the bar, but you are recognized upon arrival, and are allowed your use of the space There is a bartender there who’s in the process of half-sleeping in the corner, that as soon as you approach, and speak with the familiar ogre bodyguard at the interior, he’s like, “(grunting) “All right,” lets you in The bartender shoots up and “Can I get you drinks?” LAURA: Yeah, my dad said give us whatever we want SAM: (laughs) Oh, she’s a loud and crazy guy MATT: “What would you want then?” LAURA: Whatever they want MARISHA and SAM: Whiskey MATT: “Whiskey all round TALIESIN: Juice LAURA: Milk! MATT: “Whiskey juice.” LAURA: Milk MARISHA: I really hope he brings you a whiskey juice TALIESIN: What’s a whiskey juice? MARISHA: Exactly
MATT: He brings around– ASHLEY: He brings a whiskey juice? MATT: A shot of whiskey, a shot of whiskey, a shot of whiskey, a shot of whiskey, milk, juice, whiskey SAM: All right, bottoms up MATT: That is a very, very terrible tasting, strong, pungent juice, very strong bite to it TALIESIN: I got something for this, hold on MATT: Same with the milk That’s a whiskey milk SAM: Ooh LAURA: That’s a whiskey milk TALIESIN: I’m going to put a little– MATT: Partially curdled TALIESIN: Just a tiny bit of that I’ve saving some of that– SAM: Put some whipped cream on it TALIESIN: — hallucinogenic fruit that I’ve now preserved as best I can I’m just going to use it like nutmeg, and see if I can fix this LAURA: Put some in here, too TALIESIN: Okay, there we go MATT: Okay TRAVIS: Upgrading this night MARISHA: Are you making a White Xhorhasian again? MATT: (laughs) It helps with the sting of the flavor LIAM: Oh, I love that MATT: Yeah So you enjoy some drinks, you have a space, you know, to relax for a bit SAM: Going to ask around for your pops or no? LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to go find my dad’s office, go say hello MATT: Okay. (laughs) TALIESIN: I’m going to cast Disguise Self to still look just like me, except Fjord in my clothes with my hair SAM: I knew it (laughter) TALIESIN: Just trying to be off in the periphery, sitting next to you TRAVIS: But you’re super tall now TALIESIN: No, I can actually– TRAVIS: Oh TALIESIN: Yeah, I can do that ASHLEY: Jester, have you ever had alcohol before? LAURA: Yes ASHLEY: You have? LAURA: Yeah SAM: But not many times ASHLEY: Not many times LAURA: I didn’t down my milk, you can have my milk, whiskey milk if you want to ASHLEY: I feel like– I…okay LAURA: It’s got some lumps in it That’s, you know TALIESIN: Oh, it would curdle LIAM: Those are the good parts MATT: Yeah, it’d curdle TALIESIN: It’d curdle, oh MATT: It’s chewy (groaning) ASHLEY: Interesting taste TALIESIN: It’s got chunks ASHLEY: Yeah, I feel like I would just get the whiskey next time, maybe LAURA: Yeah MATT: You’re starting to feel a little funny TALIESIN: That is, yeah Hello, I’m Fjord SAM and LAURA: (gasping) TALIESIN: Try it, wait, wait LIAM: You’re so good with accents TALIESIN: (somewhat British accent) Hello, I’m Fjord Yeah, it’s– TRAVIS: Are you being old Fjord or current Fjord? TALIESIN: Trying to do your accent It’s– Hello, all TRAVIS: That’s very close SAM: That’s pretty good TRAVIS: That’s not bad, yeah SAM: Say this, say this: I don’t know, I can’t remember TALIESIN: I don’t know, I can’t remember SAM: It’s just like him TRAVIS: No, I can’t remember TALIESIN: I cahn’t, I cahn’t remember? LIAM: Hit us with a Eldritch Blast TALIESIN: Eldritch Blast! Ooh, that’s hard to say Blast, blast TRAVIS: You got caught up in the moment, and you got to, like, just, Eldritch Blast TALIESIN: It’s really cool when you do that, though It is– you know, you know, it’s pretty cool when you do that MATT: As you come to the office door– LAURA: Dad! Dad! Dad, it’s me MATT: “Yes?” LAURA: Dad, it’s Jester, I’m here to say hi MATT: “Open the door.” LAURA: Okay Hi MATT: As you walk inside his office, you can see his desk currently is strewn with some papers, and he’s putting something away, and turning in his chair toward you “Ah, I had no idea you’d be joining me.” LAURA: Well, I didn’t either We just found out MATT: “Well, welcome “Are your friends here as well?” LAURA: They are, they’re drinking I told them it’s on the house MATT: “Sure.” (laughter) LAURA: So what have you been up to? MATT: “Business “What have you been up to?” LAURA: Oh my god, you don’t– I tell him everything Just like launch into the whole thing MATT: As it progresses, he leans further and further back in his chair, until he hits the back of the chair LAURA: Yeah, so anyway, we got to find this weird, creepy lady who totally saw me scrying on her We got to find out what the deal with it is, so we can break the curse, then we got to to go to the negotiations, then Traveler Con, and somewhere, we’re fitting into that Clay’s family stuff MATT: “One of these days, I’m going to have to teach you “something I’ve learned at a very young age, “which is how to not have to do everything yourself “It’s much easier.” LAURA: Okay, I’m okay with that Teach me your ways MATT: “In time.” LAURA: Have you called Mom? Have you sent her a letter? Have you gone to see her? Have you been like, “Oh my gosh, I miss you?” MATT: “No, there’s been a lot to take care of here “There’s, in the midst of “conflict, if done right, in the Empire, “can be a very profitable endeavor “But one has to be very on top of their “organization “to maintain it “So I’ve been working a lot.”
LAURA: Will you make me– well, will you do me a favor? MATT: “Possibly.” LAURA: If, by any chance, when people offer you things or whatever, you come across smuggled items that resemble the beacons that I told you about– MATT: “Right, right.” LAURA: If you come across anything like that, will you let me know before you try to sell it to another person? MATT: “For you, yes.” LAURA: Thank you I’ll send you messages every once in a while just so you can get it to me, if you, you know Because we travel around a lot You won’t know where I am, so MATT: “Of course.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “If I don’t respond, don’t take it personally “I might be indisposed.” LAURA: Like how? MATT: “Many things.” LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, here’s the thing What if I send you a message, and you should have a way to communicate with me that you’re indisposed, like so I can know that you’re not just in trouble but you’re boning somebody, or you’re in a meeting or something, you could be like “(squeaks)”, or you could be like– what if you just cough when I send, or you say like– MATT: “A cough, a cough will do well.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “I’ll cough, “and we’ll pick it up another time.” LAURA: All right, all right, all right Look at us, we have a code Can I sleep in the room tonight that you said we could have? MATT: “Sure, sure.” LAURA: Thank you, Dad MATT: “I’ll arrange it.” He laughs in spite of himself You can see him trying to organize being in a deep moment of thought and the whirlwind of chaos that is Jester just blowing in like a storm, and in spite of his momentary frustration, he can’t help but crack a smile “Well, say hello to your friends for me.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “Close the door on your way out.” LAURA: I will We have a room! TALIESIN: So do you have to say Eldritch Blast every time, or is that part of the spell, or do you just do it because it’s just, like– I’ve always wondered TRAVIS: Showmanship, right? TALIESIN: So it’s like going whoosh, when you’re– TRAVIS: It’s also like, “stay clear, “because shit’s about to go down.” TALIESIN: Oh, so it’s also for us ASHLEY: (slurred southern drawl) Eldritch Blast TRAVIS: You could try it for other things TALIESIN: THat’s really good TRAVIS: You could say, “Magician’s Judge,” and be really like, judge! ASHLEY: I’m going to hit you TRAVIS: A little, maybe work that phrase more It’s kind of ordinary ASHLEY: I’m going to kill you TALIESIN: I’m going to heal you ASHLEY: Yeah LAURA: Ooh, that’s good, too TALIESIN: I like it ASHLEY: Here it comes! TALIESIN: You’re okay! LIAM: Sometimes, though, it’s also good not to telegraph what you’re about to do before you do it, because then you surprise them more TALIESIN: What if you go, “I’m going to heal you,” and then you Magician’s Judge them? TRAVIS: Or branding’s very important, so maybe instead of, “I’m going to hit you,” “I’m going to judge you”? LAURA: Ooh ASHLEY: Oh, wow LAURA: You have been judged! ASHLEY: Oh, that’s good LAURA: That’s good, that’s after you’ve killed him TRAVIS: And the jury’s going to deliberate TALIESIN: That’s good SAM: And Caduceus could be like, “I’m going to drop a deuce on you.” LAURA: Ooh TALIESIN: I’m going to do the deuce SAM: Yep ASHLEY: Wait, Jester, how did it go with your dad? LAURA: Oh my god, you guys, he loves me so much SAM: Of course he does What’s there not to love? TALIESIN: What’s not to love? LAURA: (laughs) He said we could have a room, he said that we could have free drinks, he said that if he runs across any beacons, he’ll let us know TALIESIN: Oh, that’s nice SAM: That’s great Did you happen to ask him about any magical women hidden in the woods or anything? LAURA: No, I mean, we already know– SAM: Okay, okay LAURA: What exactly we’re looking for here SAM: Maybe he’s interacted with her in the past LAURA: Oh my god TRAVIS: I’ll pick up my drink and head over to where Beau is MATT: Mm TRAVIS: How are you doing? MARISHA: I’m great TRAVIS: Your histamine reactions are going again MARISHA: Yeah I’ve been away from Zadash for a little bit, so the pollen, it’s kicking a little, you know? TRAVIS: I take it you don’t fully, fully hate your dad It’s got to be hard to hear this MARISHA: Everyone wants to make their dad proud, you know? Just hoping he could, he could show some of that TRAVIS: You don’t know that he can’t It’s been years
You’ve grown, you’ve changed I’m sure you were even more of an unbearable shit before I’m not saying he deserves a second chance, but he is your father, and you do have a mother, and a brother that you’ve never met MARISHA: (sniffs) I guess it’s hard when the word inevitable has been brought up several times in the past 24 hours amongst us I feel like I’ve found my family with The Mighty Nein I don’t like looking at my past, because it doesn’t have The Mighty Nein in it, and I think I put off the inevitable, because I’m going to– I’m afraid it’s going to be like my past TRAVIS: I don’t think one contaminates the other You’ve got good, solid footing here I mean, shit, if we want to run, we run If we want to kick his ass, we’ll kick his ass MARISHA: Yeah. (sniffing) I kind of want to kick his ass, and I don’t want to run TRAVIS: Could I ask you, in your wildest dreams, and feel free to say you don’t want to tell me, what would you have happen when we go there? MARISHA: I think I’ve worked so hard because I scripted this day, in my inevitable future that I would go back to him, successful woman, respectable member of society, Cobalt Soul, an Expositor, the thing he threw me away to, and I embraced And then, I would get mad at myself, because I felt like I was doing exactly what he was doing to me my entire life, scripting me to be something else And I’m still doing it I haven’t seen him in three years, and I’m still trying to be something And I think what’s scary is that I like this, and what I’ve found, and I don’t think it was until Nott started talking about having to go home and go away that it truly started terrifying me Because for the first time, I’m happy And what if that goes away? TRAVIS: It could always go away It could go away tonight The Gentleman’s debtors could come calling MARISHA: (chuckling) And I think I know that, and I think I say things to Nott like, “You don’t have to put those stipulations on yourself” because I’ve convinced myself that destiny or the inevitability won’t come knocking If you ignore it, it won’t exist, and that’s not true TRAVIS: (sighs) It’ll be interesting either way Your face is leaking MARISHA: I hate it TRAVIS: I won’t tell anyone MARISHA: Don’t tell anybody
TRAVIS: Yep You’re a good friend. You’re a good trainer MARISHA: We’re still working out tomorrow It’s not like I’m letting you off the hook is all I’m saying TRAVIS: Fair enough MARISHA: Thank you TRAVIS: Of course MARISHA: And you’re still my captain Balleater or no TRAVIS: Okay LIAM: Throwback Thursday MARISHA: Thank you MATT: As you guys finish your drinks, wind down for the night, share a bit of a rousing toast with the Gentleman as we he emerges from his work for the day, to congratulate you on the multitude of things that he seems to know about Every detail of your travels LAURA: Eyy MARISHA: Wait, what I’d miss? How does he, what’d I miss? MATT: “Just have a drink.” MARISHA: Okay MATT: “You’re all very talented, it seems, “or extremely stupid, or both.” TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s a bit of both MATT: “That’s a rare combination, but it’ll keep you alive “Listen to her.” SAM: What? TRAVIS: Listen to Jester? TALIESIN: Always MATT: “Good “She’s got good blood in her “Now, rest up “Apparently, you’ve got a bit of travel to do in the morning.” LAURA: I sort of told him what we were doing SAM: That’s okay, he’s your dad You can trust him LAURA: Yeah MATT: “I need to go blow off some steam “Don’t message me for a while.” LAURA: Oh, he’s going to go bone somebody. Gross SAM: Oh, if you’re going to, maybe, you might want to just– you’re schvitzing still MATT: His face just goes– SAM: Just do a little dab Don’t wipe, just dab LIAM: A little dab’ll do you MATT: “Good night.” And he leaves (laughter) TRAVIS: A little dab’ll do ya (laughter) MATT: Goddamn it You find a way to your quarters to rest for the night Sleep takes you, thoughts of early morning travel towards whatever strange direction and destination calls you We’ll get to that when we come back from the break SAM: Oh TALIESIN: Oh, shit SAM: Ooh TALIESIN: Pick some spells for tomorrow MATT: We’ll return shortly Make sure you get your spells prepared, those of you who do that, before the next morning We have our giveaway from our friends at Wyrmwood Tonight we have the padauk dice vault, the bright orange awesome coloration ASHLEY: It’s very cool TALIESIN: Ooh MATT: The keyword for tonight, for whoever wants to enter the possibility of winning this lovely piece, the keyword for tonight is stone, S-T-O-N-E Enter it more than one, enter it once only More than once, you’ll be disqualified, and once again, only folks in the U.S. and Canada, TRAVIS: Son of a bitch MATT: Yeah, I had to dig it in TRAVIS: (laughs) MATT: But we’ll come back to you in a little bit with a winner, and the rest of tonight’s session So see you in a little bit (cheering) (upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now, you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D ♪ ♪ (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you’ve got your swords ♪ ♪ And you’ve got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ (drum fill) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ VO: With Hero Forge, you can create spectacular characters They deserve to be as vivid and vibrant as you imagine them to be, utilizing cutting edge, 3D printing technology, and Hero Forge 2.0 design tools Now you can make that a colorful reality Digitally paint your characters with our suite of easy-to-use tools Then, receive them 3D printed in full color, or masterfully hand-painted to your specifications by our favorite professional painters Populate your virtual tabletop world
with our new Token Maker Preview and apply expertly curated color schemes Elevate your traditional miniature painting with our paint planner Recreate hand-painting techniques with adjustable dry brush, ink washing, incandescence, and much, much more Pledge today to get early access to our new digital tools and Kickstarter exclusive pricing Thank you, Kickstarter (upbeat music) SAM: Guess what, America? Nope (beeping) Guess what, world? We’re back All Work, No Play LIAM: That’s inaccurate SAM: We’re not back? LIAM: We’re not back (beeping) LIAM: We will be back SAM: Oh, okay LIAM: We’re coming back at, in– (beeping) LIAM: We don’t know when we’re coming back We’re very close, we’ve been shooting stuff, we’ve been doing all kinds of activities, like– SAM: Are you looking at that camera? Should I look at that camera? (beeping) LIAM: Gene splicing, intelligence uploads SAM: But like that one or this one? (beeping) SAM: I’m going to just commit to this camera Anyway, catch all that and more on– oh, hi (beeping) MARISHA: Clones in the future of me SAM: I want that I want clones LIAM: They won’t remember you And you won’t know them, and they won’t be you SAM: But I just want more of me around (twinkling music) SAM: This season is going to be packed with amazing stuff like– LIAM: Shark baiting SAM: Okay LIAM: Shark dating SAM: Uh-huh LIAM: Shark mating SAM: Oh boy! What else can we do with a shark, I wonder? You’ll have to wait to find out (beeping) MARISHA: Yeah, that’s pretty good Let’s do it again SAM: (laughs) (upbeat music) SAM: I’m Sam Riegel, this is Liam O’Brien, we’re the hosts of your favorite show, All Work, No Play, which is coming back to the Critical Role Twitch and YouTube channels You can catch us on twitch.tv/criticalrole on some night of the week, which will be displayed in front of us, starting soon, and on youtube.com/criticalrole So tune in, subscribe, like, tell your friends, have a viewing party, I don’t know Just watch the (buzzing) show (upbeat music) BRIAN (V.O.): Last time, on Talks Machina BRIAN: Sam, I have a question Are they remaking The Wire and setting it in Beverly Hills about the plight of the bike messenger? (laughter) DANI: Harsh BRIAN: What’s happening here? SAM: Guys, I’m just a hip teen My wife knitted this hat She claims it takes four hours per hat, but I don’t know, there’s a lot of hats at our house right now There’s probably 15, 18, 20 hats at our house right now DANI: Share the Q hats TRAVIS: (laughing) You– your– SAM: (laughs) TRAVIS: It’s a huge bong rip, bro SAM: Hey, man TRAVIS: Turn your head to the left There you go, yeah BRIAN: I don’t know if we can do this on Twitch “What was it that ultimately convinced her “to take the jump?” TRAVIS: Ooh SAM: (sighs) I mean, deep down, she knew she was going to do it at some point, and she wanted a moment to think about– this is a big shift, a big change, and sometimes, you want something so long, and you’re right at the cusp of it, right on the edge of getting it, and you’re like, “Ooh, wait, do I really want this?” TRAVIS: It was also looking across the table, and seeing us going, “Do it, you chickenshit coward “Do it!” (laughs) SAM: Well, there is a bit of Sam Riegel as a D&D player, I mean, you got to do stuff TRAVIS: Yeah BRIAN: You got to do stuff SAM: You going to make decisions and go TRAVIS: Not a play-it-safe-er SAM: Yeah, you going to make hard choices and live with them, so BRIAN: Yeah SAM: That’s, you know, you also going to trust that Matt Mercer’s going to have something on the other side for you BRIAN: I just figured it out You look like a homeless millionaire’s son SAM: You know why? If I may, I can tell why this is throwing you, Brian, and why this look is throwing literally everyone in the studio TRAVIS: Oh, okay, yeah SAM: I look like Marisha BRIAN: Oh no SAM: People are confused, because they’re like, why does Marisha look particularly extra gorgeous today? TRAVIS: Right, yep BRIAN: Hey, Travis? TRAVIS: Yes? BRIAN: “This was not the first time that Caduceus mentioned “the name Stone, like we talked about a minute ago, “having told the story of Stone, Dust, and Clay before “Is there a reason it clicked with you now, “or were you just not listening before?” The question on everyone’s mind TRAVIS: No, I was not listening before, okay? I check in and out Thursday nights for me are a time to enjoy my friends, some food– SAM: Marisha takes notes TRAVIS: She is a note-taking machine SAM: Yeah TRAVIS: Why would I pay attention? SAM: Why would you pay attention? BRIAN: You can’t be bothered with intricate storytelling TRAVIS: No! Look, this is how I got through college I just looked at the person’s paper next to mine SAM: It’s rule one of improv, listen when you feel like it TRAVIS: Yep (laughter) SAM: It’s funny to me that your name, your last name was Stone TRAVIS: Mm-hmm SAM: And you start, at least in the theme song, title sequence, by sinking to the bottom of the ocean
SAM and TRAVIS: Like a stone DANI: What? BRIAN: Are you fucking high? SAM: Yeah, this is what high people think about, yeah TRAVIS: Have you ever looked at a $2 bill on weed? (laughter) SAM: It looks like a $22 bill TRAVIS: Is there a guy in the bushes? I don’t know Red Team, go It’s from Half Baked, the greatest movie SAM: Chaos c– (laughing) BRIAN: Just take in the secondhand– TRAVIS: (inhaling) BRIAN: “After learning so much about Essek in the previous episode, “and seeing him playing a major part in finishing “that spell as well as the ritual for Nott, “what is your respective character’s opinion “about him now?” TRAVIS: I don’t trust that motherfucker SAM: I don’t trust him, either (both laughing) BRIAN: Ah, interesting SAM: Not a bit BRIAN: Interesting TRAVIS: He just went from being cold and aloof to being all of a sudden, really warm and I know there’s been time, and I know it seems like he lives a very isolated life, and he’s probably putting himself out there, and all those things, and with time, it’ll show that he’s being genuine SAM: Maybe TRAVIS: But all of our haunches were up We were all on level five alert SAM: We’ve also been giving Essek all this We’re spilling dirt left and right, sharing secrets, giving him vials of shit, telling him about extra dodecahedrons that are out there in the world We really have opened up TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re making him look pretty good SAM: Yeah TRAVIS: I mean, he could just be riding the coattails of, you know, The Mighty Nein SAM: I would not be surprised, though, if he stabs us in the back BRIAN: “Nott clearly loves Yeza and Luc, “but is she still in love with Yeza? “If they don’t have a child, “if they didn’t have a child, would she be considering “going back at all?” SAM: I mean, I don’t know I don’t know if she, she hasn’t been with him for a while, and she, like I said, she loves her new life, she loves these people TRAVIS: Had all these minotaurs walking around in front of her SAM: She’s seen so much now It’s hard to be with your high school sweetheart and then be exposed to the world Yeza isn’t on her mind every second of every day anymore Used to be BRIAN: Well, yeah, but there’s a lot going on SAM: Yeah TRAVIS: Little bit BRIAN: Little bit TRAVIS: Little bit SAM: Yeah, yeah Oh, man, I feel guilty talking about Yeza He’s a fictional character, and I feel like he’s watching this show and he’s like, “What the fuck did you say about me?!” TRAVIS: Uh-huh DANI: He’s sitting there, going, “Did you just make fun of my hat?” BRIAN: You look so cute doing, it, though You’re dressed like Macaulay Cocaine (laughter) BRIAN: Do you have any lines in the new Beverly Hills Cop, or are you just robbing a Tiffany’s? (laughter) TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh my god SAM: Guys I took a big swing with this outfit BRIAN: Yeah SAM: Might’ve failed BRIAN: I mean, we’ve gotten 89 minutes of material out of it tonight, so I think, (laughs) SAM: It’s like, the components of this outfit are things that I wear all the time BRIAN: Yeah, but– SAM: But I think when you put them together, it just doesn’t feel right TRAVIS: I commented back at the office, you looked very nice I did! I said those words BRIAN: You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect (laughter) SAM: I don’t know what that means (upbeat country music) SAM: (cheering) Yeah! We did it, yeah! DANI: Sam Riegel, you just won the Superb Bowl What are you going to do now? SAM: I’m subscribing to Critical Role! DANI: Wonderful, and that’s– SAM: It’s about perseverance, like remembering to resubscribe with Twitch Prime every month Yeah, woo, woo, woo DANI: So could you– SAM: Have done it without my teammates? Come on, no way And they couldn’t have done it without the Twitch subscriptions that I gave them Right, guys? Yeah DANI: Okay, Sam, but what about– SAM: What about, what about what inspires me, you mean? Well, Yee-Haw Game Ranch really does I mean, watching that dehydrated piece of string cheese Brian Foster every couple of weeks, really gets me pumped for the big game DANI: Sam, hold on, we have to– (Klaxon blaring) SAM: You can’t believe it, you can’t believe it? Is that what you said? Well, it’s true, because every Yee-Haw VOD is instantly available as soon as you subscribe It’s amazing DANI: Sam SAM: We did it, guys DANI: Sam! SAM: Yeah, yeah DANI: Sam! SAM: Yeah! What, sorry? DANI: Just say, “I’m going to Disneyland.” You’re doing a commercial for Disneyland SAM: Oh What’s a Disneyland? (dramatic music) (whistle blowing) SAM: I don’t know, I going to be honest with you
DANI: Oh SAM: I got hit in the head pretty hard out there DANI: Oh my god SAM: Woo, I’m not good at sports CROWD: Oh! (thudding) (cheering) (folk orchestral music) MATT: And welcome back
So we have our winner of the Wyrmwood giveaway
The winner tonight is d__man TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: D__man, congratulations We’ll get that to you ASAP So, Mighty Nein, after the evening’s rest, in the morning, you come to, and underneath the Evening Nip, within the confines of the Gentleman’s private, I’m going to say, organizational base, the day is early and yours What would you like to do? LIAM: How early we talking? MATT: You would know, I’d say, you guys probably went to bed relatively early, knowing you’d probably be traveling fairly quick, so unless you want to get up any earlier, I was say naturally, around probably 7:00, 8:00 in the morning LIAM: Okay TRAVIS: Should make the most of the day, yeah, for travel? SAM: Get horses, no? TALIESIN: Yeah, get some horses TRAVIS: I suppose we could ask on the way out, if your yeah, does your father have a, you know, does he have any steeds, anyone he knows? LAURA: That’s a good question I should go ask him MATT: Okay He’s– it’s early, you go to his chambers LAURA: Hey (knocking) Are you naked? (knocking) It’s your daughter. (knocking) TRAVIS: Oh my god LAURA: It’s Jester. Are you awake? (knocking) LIAM: Making up for lost time LAURA: (knocking) Are you awake? MATT: You hear the iron handle like (squeaking) and you see a half-asleep, half-elf woman come to the door and be like, “Hello?” LAURA: Hello (laughter) Is The Gentleman in here? MATT: “He’s indis–” you hear a voice go, (as The Gentleman) “Ugh, just leave, “it’s– go.” LAURA: Leave, go MATT: Goes and puts the robe over
and walks out through the chamber You can see one of the other guardians through there, like guides her upstairs to leave, and the door’s ajar, and he’s like– LAURA: I walk in She is not that great MATT: “Well, you don’t know her.” (laughter) “What can I do for you?” LAURA: Do you have any horses? (laughter) MATT: “I take it this is for your journey? “I don’t own horses “I kept debts, and there is a livery that– “let me write something for you.” And throws his robe on, heads over to this little end table task he has in the corner, pulls out a sheet of paper, and just writes something down, folds it, goes and takes one of the small candles off to the side, and gets a wax seal, presses it in, closes and hands it to you “For this–” LAURA: While he’s off doing that– MATT: Okay? SAM: Ransack the room LAURA: I’m going to get out my special paints, and I’m going to paint a ruby, about this big TRAVIS: Whoa LAURA: It’s not, it doesn’t turn into a real ruby, but it’ll be a glass ruby MATT: Okay LAURA: When it’s done It’ll look like a ruby And I’m going to place it right next to his bed, so he sees it when he wakes up in the morning and when he goes to sleep MATT: Okay Make a stealth check for me Unless, yeah, this would you– TALIESIN: As a child of divorce, I’m so into this right now (laughter) LAURA: Ooh, hee, ooh, 22! MATT: Okay He seems engrossed in his letter, and does not notice you quickly, deftly, artistically create this ruby, and place it By the time he finishes the envelope, and turns around, you’re already right back where you started, and it goes right into your grasp LAURA: Thank you MATT: “Look for a Kiefer Stables “Kiefer is the proprietor “Just hand him the letter, and tell him how many horses you need “He should take care of it.” LAURA: Thank you so much TALIESIN: Is it in the south of the– south of the city? MATT: Hmm? TALIESIN: Is it the stables in the south of the city? MATT: This would be in the western side TALIESIN: Oh, so it would not be Kiefer of the southern lands (groaning) MATT: No, no ASHLEY: Wow SAM: Oh, boy TALIESIN: I’ll go now ASHLEY: No, please don’t LAURA: Thank you for letting us stay here last night MATT: “Yes “Happy to provide when in need.” LAURA: Thank you for, you know, being nice to me, and being nice to my friends and stuff, and it’s really good to see you again, and I hug him, I give him a kiss on the cheek MATT: “It’s good to see you as well, Jester.” LAURA: Call Mom whenever, you know, just remember she is, you know, she’s there, she’s really pretty, and she’s really great and talented Okay, bye MATT: (laughs) Door closes TALIESIN: Too little ruby LAURA: I know, I should’ve left a little sapphire next to it MATT: All right TRAVIS: How did it go? We have horses? LAURA: We got, well, he’s, we maybe have horses We’re to the Kiefer Stables, and they owe Dad a debt or something, and they’ll give us some horses or something SAM: Your dad is hooking us up LAURA: I know! SAM: Free lodging, free food, free booze, free horses LAURA: Yeah SAM: I mean, he loves the shit out of you LAURA: Yeah TRAVIS: Do we have to go and rough anyone up? LAURA: I think he’s probably making up for lost time, you know what I mean? SAM: Yeah, of course LAURA: Do we have to what? TRAVIS: Do we have to rough anybody up? Do we have to be like intimidating for your dad? LAURA: I don’t think so I just have to give him this piece of paper Maybe it says somebody’s going to kill them if they don’t give them what we need, you know? SAM: All right, well, let’s walk in TRAVIS: We’ll follow your lead, yeah MARISHA: You don’t want to read it? SAM: It’s sealed– LIAM: There’s the wax in it LAURA: Is there a wax thing on it? MATT: Yes SAM: Beau’s the queen of mail fraud over here She could probably do it MARISHA: Easily pop that and reseal it LIAM: Spoilers, it says, “Give these people some horses.” SAM: (laughs) TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah, right Let’s go get the fucking horses TALIESIN: Kill these people, leave their bodies in a ditch (laughter) Let’s go full Hamlet here (laughter) MARISHA: What’s the stamp? MATT: The stamp is just a simple– like it’s just a simple G, but it’s a very meticulously carved G, to almost look like a, for lack of a better term, a detailed, intricate lock There’s not like a lot of filagree around it, but it has a– MARISHA: It’s cool MATT: Yes
MARISHA: With my background– SAM: Oh Jesus TRAVIS: Oh, fuck MATT: Yes? TRAVIS: Can’t just get some goddamn horses MARISHA: If I like– I want to lift it, and I want to peel it, and I want to start seeing how hard it might be to separate the wax with a knife MATT: I mean, it’s going to be hard, but it’s probably doable MARISHA: I hold it up to the light Can I see through it? Can I read a little bit? LIAM: This is Act II MATT: Make a perception check ASHLEY: (laughing) MARISHA: Oh, that was almost good Eight MATT: Eight, mm, unfortunately, it’s very, very solid material SAM: It’s all right, Beau We’ll find out soon enough TALIESIN: We can just be there when they read it SAM: We make our way to the Kiefer Stables MATT: All right Heading westward through Zadash, you make your way to the west, asking a few questions, keeping an eye out, you haven’t quite– TALIESIN: Asking questions? MATT: Yes You haven’t spent a lot of time on this far end of the city TRAVIS: Ooh MATT: Necessarily So it takes a little bit to find out where the Kiefer Stables are, but upon arriving, they’re not small, they’re not big They’re just a standard medium-sized livery There are two individuals that are in the process of providing feed for the– you see they have mostly horses There are a couple of beasts of burden there, as well, look like they also sell those types of creatures, two big ox-looking beasts But you enter the front, and there is one man you see, probably in his late 50s, early 60s or so, extremely curly, poof red hair around the back and sides of a bald head, five o’clock shadow all across his chin, with a bit of a double chin, just in the process of organizing stuff for the day, putting tools on the walls, and setting things up this early in the morning As soon as you walk in, he turns around “Oh, hello “Is– sure, we’re open “How can I help you?” LIAM: Is this all right? I know it’s early MATT: “It’s– you’ve got here in time “What can I do for you?” LAURA: Do you run this place? MATT: “I am Kiefer, yes.” LAURA: I’ve got a note for you, Kiefer MATT: “Thank you.” LIAM: It’s not as ominous as it seems LAURA: Or maybe it is LIAM: Or maybe it is MATT: “All right, mm-hmm “Excuse me a moment.” And he walks over to the side of a desk, and pulls up a little, you know, knife, and you can see him, he’s– his movements are a bit erratic and quick, and he opens it “What do you need?” SAM: Wow LIAM: (as the Godfather) I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse SAM: We need some– oh, Caleb, do you want to take care of this? LIAM: I– this is your father’s LAURA: Oh, I mean– but we need some horses MATT: “How many?” MARISHA: Yeah, for all of us LIAM: Yeah MARISHA: One each– SAM: Well, I don’t– MARISHA: One each! MATT: “Take your pick.” Seven horses, yours SAM: I don’t need a horse– TALIESIN: If things go well– SAM: I’d rather someone else drive MARISHA: Take the fucking horse TALIESIN: You’re only going to need the horses for this one leg of the journey I’m sure we can– LAURA: How do we get them back to you when we’re done with them? MATT: “Oh, they are yours to keep– “if you would like.” TRAVIS: How generous. Thank you LAURA: Wow SAM: Thank you, Kiefer MATT: “You’re welcome “We will have them prepared for you “Just tell them which ones you want, “and we’ll have them outfitted, saddles–” LAURA: What did the letter say? MATT: “– some extra feed “It’s– “(exhales) “(exhales again) “I will provide.” MARISHA: I want to know so bad MATT: He’s basically saying, “We will provide feed and everything you require.” Wow MATT: “We’ll load you up.” LAURA: Holy shit MATT: “Whatever you need.” SAM: We’ll meet you outside then LAURA: Thank you MATT: “Of course.” LAURA: So much LIAM: Sometimes, it is just that easy LAURA: Wow MARISHA: I go up to him I’ll give you 50 gold for that letter SAM: Jesus MATT: “Who are you people?” MARISHA: I’ll take it with me, it’ll be gone ASHLEY: 50 gold MARISHA: You’ll never see it again SAM: (laughs) LAURA: How much would the horses have cost? 50 gold? (laughter) MARISHA: I want to know what it is MATT: No, the horses are a little pricier LAURA: Oh, okay TRAVIS: She’s got his handwriting MARISHA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm Okay MATT: Okay, you look at the letter? LIAM: Wow MARISHA: I’ll wait ’til we leave MATT: Okay MARISHA: I don’t want to embarrass the man. I’m a tactful woman TRAVIS: (coughs) Horseshit MATT: Of about, say, 18 or so horses that are currently kept here They’re– some of them are healthier, some are older, some are younger, there are a number to pick from that all function and work well You find ones that befit your personalities, and have them outfitted A week’s worth of feed is provided LAURA: Wow MATT: Within saddle bags and other elements there, weighing them for a longer journey,
uncertain of how long you’ll be going You’re given the full package SAM: My horse keeps chasing Fjord’s horse (laughter) That’s a joke that no one will get (laughter) TRAVIS: I find a mustang named Caddy MATT: There you go LAURA: Yeah, yeah TRAVIS: Goddamn it (laughter) Leave me alone! MATT: So, um– TRAVIS: Don’t listen to Sam. Listen to me (laughter) MATT: You have your horses, you have your materials The day is still young No problems, no questions You are free to go and make your way westward LAURA: That went really, really well MARISHA: Are we outside? TALIESIN: Terrifyingly smoothly MATT: Yeah, you’re outside You’re on horseback You’re making your way towards the outer perimeter of the city walls LAURA: Cool MARISHA: I pop the seal, and I try really hard, I take out a little– LAURA: It’s already open MATT: It’s super easy It’s already opened MARISHA: Oh, right TRAVIS: (laughs) Is the seal broken? Did he crack it? MATT: He read the letter, so he had to open it, yes The wax is broken MARISHA: Because sometimes you– whatever, okay, okay, yeah What’s in the letter? MATT: All it says is– MARISHA: Oh, come on (quietly) Give me something good SAM: (laughs) MATT: All it says is, “Give them many gifts, “whatever they ask, Gentleman.” MARISHA: (sighs) SAM: Could have asked for anything LIAM: There it is, the secret of the Luxon unmasked TRAVIS: Yeah MARISHA: As he said, though, got his handwriting, though TRAVIS: That’s 50 gold right there SAM: That’s good Maybe we could, maybe you could learn it, forge something LAURA: Send a letter to my mom saying, “Oh my gosh, I miss you so much”? SAM: We could Parent Trap them! TALIESIN: Oh, I was worried that we were going to do that SAM: You could Parent Trap them TALIESIN: We got The Parent Trap MATT: (crying) Oh no SAM: “Meet me here, and– because I still love you,” and then you send a letter to him, because you probably know your mom’s handwriting LAURA: Yeah, obviously SAM: “I want to meet you at this place, at this time.” LAURA: Oh my gosh SAM: And we’ll be waiting in the bushes LAURA: Then we can watch them reunite TALIESIN: Can we get Patty Duke on to play The Ruby– Oh stop, okay SAM: We’re going to Parent Trap your parents LAURA: I can’t wait It’s going to be so great, you guys LIAM: Start planning, Matt SAM: Do it at Traveler Con You’ll have the Traveler there to guide you TRAVIS: Kill both your parents, it’s cool LAURA: It’s true LIAM: It’s not that cool LAURA: I wonder if he would help me SAM: This is a noble pursuit TALIESIN: Only works with identical twins SAM: I bet he would This seems like exactly what he does He plays pranks and tricks on people, for a greater good This is a trick that is for the greater good LAURA: What could go wrong? TALIESIN: (snorts) SAM: I feel like we need to do this MARISHA: Is this one of those ones that we intervene on, or we just let it go? TRAVIS: I’m not really sure at this point MARISHA: All right ASHLEY: Hyah! LAURA: Oh, are we going? (laughter) (laughter) TALIESIN: Whoa MARISHA: And wipe Scene transition TRAVIS: Oh my god SAM: Turn, turn Turn TRAVIS: Use your foot, use your outside foot ASHLEY: Parent Trap montage starts LIAM: And did we get one per Mighty Nein? Are you riding a horse for the first time ever solo? SAM: I think so, and yep, unless it goes poorly TALIESIN: I’d like to think it’s a pony MATT: I will say because this is technically your first time handling a horse– TALIESIN: Yes! MATT: Make an animal handling check for me LAURA: Oh no SAM: That’s a two plus one (laughter) MATT: I will say your pace is slightly lessened For the first hour or so that you’re trying to get Nott’s horse to do anything correctly MARISHA: So familiar MATT: Yeah, yeah MARISHA: Checks out TRAVIS: Sam, where are you going? LAURA: Nott’s horse just takes off at a gallop MATT: (laughs) East (laughter) This is– (laughs) (laughter) Art imitating life But nevertheless, eventually, righting yourselves and finding the path, you continue westward Eventually, to the, I believe it’s the Amber Crossroads, and then, continuing westward towards the Truscan Vale on the western side of the Marrow Valley At a fast pace on horseback, it’s 36 miles a day I’ll say it’ll take you about two and a half, three days You can try and push your horses further if you want, but you risk exhaustion both for yourselves and the horses TALIESIN: Nah SAM: We’ll just do it TALIESIN: No, we’re not dying for time TRAVIS: No, we’re good MATT: Okay First day of travels, relatively uneventful This side of the Vale, or this side of the Empire is not extremely eventful, especially in the open fields, in comparison to some of the places you’ve been, especially after going to Xhorhas, and traveling that dangerous landscape, the return to the Marrow Valley and these open roads and green, rolling grass and you know, mild hills in the distance with the framing of the valley mountains
on each side, it’s almost comfortable and picturesque to be in a place where you’re not completely left in the unknown of what’s trying to hunt or eat you As the night grows darker, around– let me look at the map one more time. Do you have the– The region here TALIESIN: I’m keeping my eyes open for anything unusual along the route, as well MATT: Correct. So, I’d say you– yeah, so continuing westward, are you heading along the Bromkiln Byway, Bromkiln Byway, or are you just cutting right across the valley? LAURA: Well, I could cast my 6th-level spell SAM: Which is what? LAURA: Find the Path TALIESIN: That’s a straight line, right? LAURA: I don’t know, it finds the shortest route, but that might take us, you know SAM: It’s the worst spell ever, by the way LAURA: It’s a pretty shitty spell MARISHA: Goddamn it, Waze TALIESIN: It’s basically Waze LAURA: This finds the shortest, most direct physical route to a specific fixed location SAM: It’s a line TRAVIS: Jesus– MATT: Do you want to cast it? LAURA: I mean, should I cast it? SAM: Sure TALIESIN: Hey, you know what? This is a spell we’re never going to cast We might as well cast it MARISHA: It’s so highly situational, yeah MATT: It’s super useful, in the very rare circumstances where it is useful Otherwise, it’s kind of– LAURA: Yeah TALIESIN: So let’s see what happens TRAVIS: Do it MATT: Do it LAURA: Yeah, sure MARISHA: Wow, I agree with Taliesin It’s either this or in a maze in the Abyss SAM: Go for it TALIESIN: I say we go LAURA: Oh, true MARISHA: Yeah MATT: All right So as you shrug, as part of the casting spell, it’s part of the somatic components of it is– you focus and the wind blows by, you can see the waves of grass and grain across the field shift with it, and as it does, you see a portion of the grass seems to almost grow brighter and taller than the rest rapidly LAURA: Wow MATT: And it continues in a direct line, in a direction slightly north of where you were already heading, but that direction, you can see it carrying that way LAURA: We go that way? TALIESIN: That would be fun SAM: All right, let’s go MATT: All right It is getting dark, if you guys want to set camp or push through TALIESIN: Uh LAURA: Oh MATT: Because you’re now diverging from the Byway to do this, so LIAM: Well, you just began it, so follow it a little longer LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah MARISHA: How long does it go? LAURA: It is for a day, but I have concentrate on it Do I have to– can I sleep when I concentrate? MATT: Generally, no MARISHA: Yeah LAURA: I should’ve cast this in the morning, but– SAM: That’s all right We’ll get a few hours out of it SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah LIAM: Follow it a bit MATT: Okay TALIESIN: When we find a place that looks nice for setting up camp MATT: Okay So as you pull off into this space here, there’s patches of trees and little elements of scattered woodland You wait as the last bit of the sunlight begins to escape from the sky, and the gold and reds of sunset begin to vanish in with the purples and blues of night You begin to find a place to set up camp, and you see what looks to be a distant fire, maybe about a half mile or so away from you MARISHA: What kind of fire, big fire? Or like campfire? MATT: Like a standard campfire size MARISHA: Can you see any figures, any shapes– MATT: Not from this distance You have to get a lot closer SAM: Want me to go check it out? TRAVIS: Are we on the flat lands, or is it sort of a descent down to that fire? MATT: Right here, there’s hills to the north and south sides of it, right now, it’s in the middle of a small valley between this hilly portion MARISHA: Let’s go? SAM: All of us? MARISHA: No TRAVIS: Well, we can just make camp MARISHA: Just ignore it? TRAVIS: Yeah I mean, they stay over there, we stay over here LAURA: Nott goes, checks it out SAM: I’m going to go check it out, for sure TALIESIN: Well, I was going to say, I wonder if we can make camp close enough that everything– we could check it out LAURA: Yeah LIAM: Sleep near the unknown quantity LAURA: Yeah SAM: But we can, we don’t even have– LAURA: Because you have a hut SAM: Yeah, we have a hut We could just be wherever They don’t– they can fuck off LIAM: Yeah, but, why–? Okay, I am a team player LAURA: (laughs) LIAM: Is this where we want to be? TALIESIN: How is this? MATT: It’s fine TALIESIN: It’s fine (laughter) LIAM: All right TALIESIN: It’s definitely fine LIAM: Muddled, Caleb starts to do what he needs to do to put the dome up, and it’ll be the same color green as the grass that is growing all around MATT: All righty You guys bundle up for the night You feel safer in the dome You can keep watch if you’d like, or you can all just take a night’s rest It lasts for eight hours, so SAM: I want to go check out that campfire or no? LAURA: Yeah– TRAVIS: Do you want to go check out the campfire? SAM: I feel like we all want to check out the campfire TRAVIS: I think it only matters what you want to do
in this situation SAM: Ah, yeah, I’ll go check it out TRAVIS: Well, all right, then LAURA: Do you want me to come close? SAM: Of course LAURA: Okay, I’ll follow, but at a distance MARISHA: And I remove the rocks from the dome SAM: The rocks? Oh, good idea MARISHA: Yeah TALIESIN: I’m going to sit outside the dome until you guys come back, just so that there’s somebody who can hear it if you signal for help LIAM: And while they’re away, Caleb will also turn Frumpkin into a raven MATT: Okay Just go ahead and mark off the elements of that LAURA: I’m going to, as we get close, I’m going to cast Enhance Ability on Nott I’m going to cast Cat’s Grace, so that you have better– you have advantage on dexterity checks SAM: Okay TRAVIS: Is that something a cat does? SAM: I don’t know (laughter) MATT: Sam’s never seen one TRAVIS: Yeah MARISHA: ♪ Jellicle cats, Jellicle cats, Jellicle cats ♪ SAM: Oh, yeah TRAVIS: Sing it, sing it SAM: As we get closer, I’ll cast– well, when we get close enough, I’ll cast Invisibility on myself MATT: Okay, well, go ahead and roll a stealth check as you approach LAURA: Oh, you already get advantage on stealth MATT: Got advantage on it already SAM: 28 MATT: 28 You feel fairly confident that no one has seen you get within a safe distance of the campfire SAM: I’ll go invisible MATT: All right SAM: And creep ever closer, looking for– MATT: Okay As you’re looking, you can see the source of the fire that appears like there’s a few bundles around it There’s a few figures sitting in the bundles, looking into the fire You can see there’s between the hillock place here, there’s a little gap, and there’s some– what looks like a carcass has been left in the outskirts, between you and the campfire, a little bit southward, I guess SAM: They’re not cooking it, it’s just a dead thing? MATT: Correct So it’s a ways away, but there it is SAM: Towards me, or on the other side? MATT: Towards you SAM: Well, I’m going to go look at that carcass MATT: Okay As you get closer to the carcass, you can see, it looks to be a hunt– you see there are arrows in it, and elements of it have been butchered and left open Only a little bit of meat has been cut off, and the rest of it’s just been left there SAM: But what– do I recognize the animal? MATT: You have to get closer to probably take a look SAM: I’ll get closer MATT: Okay MATT: You get right up next to the carcass and look at it, and right as you do, you hear this– (whooshing) SAM: Oh shit MATT: Go ahead and make dexterity saving throw for me LAURA: But you get advantage. Nope, that’s– SAM: I do? MATT: Not at saving throws, no SAM: Dex save, 12 MATT: 12! You got a 12 on your dex save! SAM: Uh-huh, I rolled a three MATT: (laughs) LAURA: Oh no TALIESIN: Oh no LAURA: No, he rubbed his hands together ASHLEY: He’s doing the hands MATT: You hear the whoosh, and you see, suddenly, from just over the hill, there was a thin, tall tree that had been ratcheted down and held, go (whooshing) and arch upward, and suddenly, your ankle pulls out from under you, and you get flung through the air for a second, and flung down, you hang for a second (squeaking) After you– SAM: I’m still invisible, though MATT: You are SAM: Okay, but they know that something’s there LIAM: Fucking Ewoks SAM: Okay TALIESIN: You got Looney Tuned MATT: Suddenly, the figures all stand up, look over in the direction of the tree One of them goes ahead and gets– grabs a bow, and knocks an arrow LAURA: I start getting closer, sneaking as close as I can MATT: You’ve been following Nott? LAURA: Well, yeah, that’s why I was able to– I see the tree– MATT: Oh, yeah, you see the tree go– LAURA: Ah, fuck MATT: All right SAM: Ah, okay Um I guess if they haven’t seen me, let’s see, what will lose my invisibility? Attacking anything, right? Or fire– MATT: Attacking and casting a spell SAM: Casting a spell. Attacking– but using a weapon to cut a rope? Is that an attack? MATT: That won’t break it, no SAM: Okay, okay (sighing) Okay LAURA: I’m going to say, “Traveler, be with me” as I’m going MATT: Okay SAM: I will– I’ll get out my shortsword, or my dagger, and I’ll start cutting the rope a bit MATT: Okay Easy enough to cut it, and your foot comes lose LAURA: 23 MATT: It’s not a very intricate knot, nor is it a– it’s a thick piece of rope, but this blade is easy enough to cut through 23? You go ahead and approach, and you can see that the figure’s rushing towards the tree LAURA: Oh shit MATT: You get the sense that, at the moment, they do not notice you, because they are focused more on what has just transpired at the south of their camp LAURA: Okay SAM: How high up am I? MATT: Dangling, I’d say you’re about 10 feet up SAM: Oh, oh god, I don’t know what to do LAURA: I’m going to wait ’til they get closer MATT: Actually, you’d be about 15, because your weight
is so minimal compared to what this trap was designed for SAM: Are they around me at this point, or are they approaching? MATT: They’re approaching, and looking up now, and they’re like, you can see the back of their head But actually, you have darkvision, right, as a goblin? SAM: I do MATT: So you can see an element of them They appear to be human, simple leather armor, caps on, some hunting gear and weapons And they look up at the rope and go, “Oh shit, it broke “Where the fuck did it go? “Shit, shit.” SAM: I’ll just wait a bit, see if they run off MATT: Okay. What are you–? LAURA: Well, I’m waiting to see if they attack at Nott or anything MATT: They don’t They scatter a bit around the space and begin looking in the area One of them goes over, back to the carcass, he looks around at it Are you doing anything, Nott? SAM: I’m still just waiting They’re still around the vicinity, right? MATT: They’re starting to scatter a bit, and scan, and from this position, you can see there are few different corpses, of other creatures that have been hunted, and you can see they’ve cooked up elements of some of them, and they’ve been eating at the fire in the center, and elements have been left out, and you can see now, from this perspective– actually, make a perception check for me SAM: All right– LAURA: I feel like it’s just a hunting party SAM: For sure it does 18 plus one, 19 MATT: 19 You can see, near some of these other corpses, there are a few other contraptions similar to this Sometimes, one of them’s a little more of a net-type thing, but these are very, very basic hunting traps that have been set up around here SAM: I shouldn’t kill them all TRAVIS: (snorts) LAURA: Probably not SAM: All right I will, as deftly as possible, drop from my location MATT: Okay SAM: And try to land without making too much noise MARISHA: Three point landing MATT: Make stealth check with advantage LAURA: Ooh SAM: Natural 20 MATT: You don’t even take any fall damage (laughter) You just– Just a little bit of dust goes– (laughter) Super quiet. No one notices You can see them looking around, and they look a little jittery and nervous, as whatever it was broke their trap, and they see nothing moving around, and they’re in a really unfortunate space right now of trying to figure what happened SAM: These poor people MARISHA: The damn possums LAURA: As far as I know, Nott is still up in the tree MATT: Mm-hmm LAURA: Okay SAM: Should I rob them first, or just– (laughter) All right, I’m going to try to slip between them, and keep heading out, keep– head back to our camp MATT: Okay They do not notice you in the middle of the night with your invisible self, who’s also super stealthy They are, you know, you don’t really take a moment to see anything, other than just darting through the gap of where they are TALIESIN: Is there– there’s a tiny piece of rope that’s just scattering through the– is the rope visible that’s still around his ankle? MATT: Well, no The rope had been cut like, in a way where it released– TALIESIN: Darn, I was really hoping a tiny little rope just– MATT: Yep What are you doing, Jester? LAURA: I’m going to wait until they get far enough away from the tree, and then, I’m going to go try to get Nott out of the tree MATT: Okay SAM: Oh god MATT: Okay They eventually begin to circle around the northern side, doing their perimeter, and you see a moment where you can scoot through LAURA: Yeah, I go up to the trap MATT: You rush up, and look up in the tree, and the rope is just dangling loose LAURA: (whispering) Nott, Nott SAM: I’ve left that area already MATT: Yep LAURA: Nott Shit I’m going to cast Sending SAM: Jester? LAURA: I’m going to cast Sending to Nott SAM: Jester! LAURA: Nott, are you still– are you in the tree? Where are you? SAM: No, I’m not in the tree LAURA: You can’t respond. I’m still talking Wait ’til I finish talking, and then you can respond Just let me know– MATT: That’s way over the words (laughter) SAM: I’m not in the tree I’ve gone, meet– oh shit, where are you? TRAVIS: Are you both invisible? LAURA: No TRAVIS: Oh LAURA: But Nott’s like back at camp now MARISHA: (laughs) SAM: I point in a direction where I think she might be, and I cast Message Can you hear me? Jester, where are you? MATT: At this point, you’re just out of– was it a 500 range? SAM: No, it’s 120, I think LIAM: 120? SAM: Yeah LIAM: Oh, no MATT: Double check. I thought it was shorter than that LIAM: 120, yeah MATT: Yeah, so yeah Nothing SAM: I gotta to go back Shit I’ll run back to camp Hey, hey, hey, hi, hi They’re not bad at all, they’re fine MARISHA: Okay SAM: Did Jester come back? MARISHA: Nope LIAM: No SAM: Okay, it’s fine, it’s fine MARISHA: Wait, I– SAM: No, it’s fine It’s fine, she’s just– I’ll be right back MARISHA: You have five minutes LAURA: I start stealthily making my way back to our camp ASHLEY: Into the camp? MATT: Okay
Both of you make perception checks (yelling) (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m so excited LAURA: Oh no SAM: Five LAURA: Seven (laughter) MATT: You pass each other. (laughs) TALIESIN: This is everything I wanted LAURA: All right, I go back to our camp SAM: Jester, Jester, where are you? MATT: You see one of them go, I heard something (laughter) LAURA: I peek my head into the bubble Hey, um– TALIESIN: No, I’m– LAURA: Is Nott back then? LIAM: She was just looking for you LAURA: She was looking for me? TRAVIS: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me ASHLEY: She just went to go look for you LAURA: For me? ASHLEY: You probably just passed each other LAURA: Shit. Okay, okay, okay Don’t worry about it, I’ll be right back TRAVIS: Or you can stay here LAURA: And I go– MATT: The two of them now have bow and arrows nocked– LAURA: I’m going to start shuffling back to get to Nott TALIESIN: In front of the dome MATT: The third one has two shortswords at the ready, and you can see now they’re both– earlier, they were a little spooked Now, they’re like, fuck, something’s here So wait, you go running back? LAURA: I’m going back to their camp now MATT: Make another stealth check LAURA: Oh! 23 MATT: Okay ASHLEY: “23.” SAM: I’m just scanning around their camp, looking for her Have they captured her? Is she in a trap? I start looking at all the carcasses (laughter) SAM: Okay LIAM: Shoved her in an ox SAM: Well, like– I assume there’s traps near the– MATT: Yeah, you don’t see any other traps set off But you see them ready to go for a fight SAM: Shit, shit Okay I’ll go halfway back towards our camp MATT: Okay, both of you guys make perception checks LAURA: Oh no, SAM: Is this perception? MATT: Yeah SAM: 13 LAURA: 15 MATT: You keep running back to their camp, and you stop halfway You don’t see each other, because you’re both being stealthy in the night. You’re both unable to see each other SAM: I’m going to say a– ASHLEY: Right next to each other SAM: Say a silent prayer, load up my crossbow with a flare bolt, and shoot it straight up MATT: Okay Jester, as you’re running, all of a sudden, this bright light (whooshing) fills up the space around you, and you look up at this flare bolt (whooshing) leading this trail of burning flame SAM: Jester! LAURA: Nott! SAM: Jester! LAURA: Nott, I hear you! MARISHA: Yasha LAURA: I’m preparing Charm Person MATT: You see three figures now rushing in your direction, and as you’re preparing, you glance over and you hear (sizzling) ASHLEY: Pretty tired MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Does an 18 hit you? The arrow– (whooshing) pass this way LAURA: Ah! SAM: Shit Let’s go LAURA: Oh, no, no, no No, no, no SAM: What do you mean, no? LAURA: How far away are they? MATT: As this point, about 70 feet LAURA: I’m going to, I’m going to MATT: Another arrow comes at you LAURA: Then we duck MATT: Actually, the two arrows, actually now. That’s a 22 LAURA: Shit MATT: And a 19 LAURA: Uh-huh MATT: Okay MARISHA: Is she getting pelted with arrows? TALIESIN: Yep (laughter) LAURA: Wait, wait, wait MATT: You take four points of piercing damage, and you take three points of piercing damage SAM: Let’s get out of here! LAURA: I’m saying wait SAM: What do you mean, wait?! LAURA: Wait, are they close? MATT: No, the two of them are there just loading arrows and firing LAURA: Ah, I’m going to zig zag towards them SAM: Zig zag towards them?! MATT: (laughs) Okay, you go running– LAURA: Wait! SAM: What are you doing? LAURA: Wait! MATT: You guys can hear this, by the way You guys saw this flare go, pfft up in the sky, and started hearing yelling in the distance TALIESIN: I’m walking that direction LAURA: I’m going to cast– how many are there? MATT: There are three of them LAURA: I’m going to cast Charm Person at a 3rd-level MATT: Okay (laughter) MARISHA: You’re using– MATT: It’s a 19 on the first one LAURA: Shit MARISHA: — scare tactics to like– MATT: Natural one on the second Wow, they’re actually– two of them rolled pretty well– and 17 on the third one LAURA: Well, 17 is is the wisdom check MATT: Okay, so two of them save, one of them doesn’t LAURA: Shit MATT: So one of them, who, the one who has both of the swords at the sides, stops and goes, “Oh, don’t worry about it.” (laughter) And the other one’s like, “What the fuck you talking about?” LAURA: It’s your friend Jester, it’s your friend SAM: What are you doing, Jester? Let’s run! LAURA: Why? MATT: You guys are approaching now at this point TALIESIN: I’m walking towards, yeah LIAM: Yeah, we walk out, and the dome just goes (whooshing) MARISHA: Yasha TALIESIN: I’ve lit up my staff– ASHLEY: Yeah MARISHA: You want to just have a drink and watch from the hill? ASHLEY: Sure MARISHA: All right TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m not going in there ASHLEY: They got this MATT: The two that aren’t trying to rush up, seeing you put your hands there, and they have their arrows nocking– LAURA: Why are you– don’t hit me! It’s your friend Did it work? MATT: Huh? The two, no Only one of them worked LAURA: I know that, I’m asking them MATT: Oh, you’re asking them? They both look at each other You guys currently have, the flare is gone
So there’s no real light source They don’t have as good of eyes as you, so one of them goes, and like, the one who’s charmed in the back, goes, “Hold on, hold on.” Lights a torch, and approaches “Don’t worry, they’re friends!” LAURA: We’re friends! MATT: The two see, as they approach, and they look at you and they go, “Fuck.” LAURA: Fuck? MATT: They look at each other, and they both drop their weapons, and go, “We didn’t know, we’re so sorry.” SAM: Wait MATT: “We’re so sorry.” SAM: Okay, who are you? MATT: “We’re just– Look, we’re hunters SAM and LAURA: It’s you! SAM: It’s you again. You fuckers! I shoot one in the leg (laughter) MATT: Roll it. (laughs) TALIESIN: Oh LIAM: I was hoping so hard MARISHA: Cheers SAM: 22 MARISHA: Clink ASHLEY: If it’s an emergency, we can go down there, but I think– MARISHA: No, this is more– ASHLEY: This is a great show SAM: Eight point– I don’t get sneak attack Eight points of damage MATT: Okay Which one do you shoot, the one who’s holding the torch, or the two that have the bows? SAM: The bow guys MATT: Okay So they go, (screaming) LAURA: What is going– MATT: “Please don’t, “don’t incinerate us, we didn’t know “Look, we’re not thieving “We’re just hunting.” LAURA: They were just hunting, Nott SAM: Yeah, but they’re assholes MATT: “We listened to you!” SAM: Have you been stealing in general? MATT: “No, no, no, we haven’t, I swear to god, “we didn’t!” SAM: She can read minds LAURA: I can SAM: Read their mind Zone of Truth LAURA: Oh, oh, that, I don’t have it prepared, but I’m– SAM: Just say that you’re doing it LAURA: I’m casting Zone of Truth on them, but I’m not actually– MATT: Make a deception check with advantage LAURA: Okay, good Oh, oh, oh, 19 plus SAM: Stuff LAURA: 19 plus five for 24 SAM: She can tell the truth She can tell if you’re telling the truth MATT: “I don’t get it, that’s fine.” LAURA: Have you been stealing? MATT: “No.” SAM: Huh LAURA: They’re telling the truth MATT: “Well, we haven’t been robbing.” LAURA: Mm SAM: What does that mean? What does that mean? LAURA: What does that mean? MATT: “We’re not doing like,” he’s like, “Shut up, man,” He’s like, “I can’t lie. “She put the magic on us “Well, when we– “We’re not robbing people, we’re not anymore, “and you know, couldn’t afford everything, “so we took a couple of things when they weren’t looking, “and it wasn’t a big thing.” LAURA: That’s not that bad SAM: That’s fine LAURA: As long as you’re not attacking people when you’re stealing things, right? MATT: “We’re selling pelts and stuff.” LAURA: Oh, okay, that’s very good I’m proud of you for making an honest living SAM: We were just checking up on you to make sure you were on the straight and narrow MATT: And the guy with the torch goes, “I believe them.” (laughter) LIAM: A giant red ape lumbers slowly past Jester– MATT: “(screaming)” They just run, they just run screaming into the night LAURA: No, come back. You have all your pelts LIAM: And the ape starts picking through their camp, and just looking through shit (laughter) TALIESIN: Well LAURA: You know what? I’m really proud of them SAM: They have made a change They’ve turned over a new leaf LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah SAM: They look healthier. They’re clothed LAURA: Yeah, they looked like they were eating good TALIESIN: I assumed I’d have to cure somebody I heard terrible screaming and– SAM: Nah, we got it handled LAURA: Just going to cut off lots of little pieces of meat for you to Sprinkle TALIESIN: You’ve got a little arrow LAURA: Oh, yeah, they hit me a couple of times SAM: Oh, yeah TALIESIN: Look at that LAURA: Yeah, it’s sticking out of my– LIAM: Can I ape through their camp? MATT: Yes, you can LIAM: Okay SAM: Feces LIAM: A, this would be what? MATT: An investigation check, we’re using the– SAM: Right That’s a nine MATT: A nine. All right There are the carcasses LIAM: Okay MATT: In which you instinctually grab and one, and like (chomping) LIAM: Yeah MATT: There’s a collection of pelts, actually SAM: Oh MATT: And you can see the remnants of other hunting jobs they’re bringing with them Whether, you get the sense based on what they had, they were in the process of heading back into some town LAURA: Aw, I hope they come back MATT: To sell their wares LIAM: Capeleb puts a bunch of pelts on his head like a hat, and then just lumbers back to their campsite MATT: Okay. (laughs) SAM: We’re back TRAVIS: How did that go? SAM: It was fine LAURA: Oh my gosh, we ran into some old friends. It was super fun ASHLEY: You defused the situation pretty well MARISHA: It was great ASHLEY: We knew you had it so– MARISHA: Great into the night LAURA: Did you see us? TRAVIS: Yeah, no, we thought about intervening, and then, we realized we didn’t want to SAM: Do you remember the Valley Bandits? MARISHA: We do SAM: We met them again LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah LIAM: (ape breathing) LAURA: Caleb was an ape SAM: Capeleb was there TRAVIS: What’s on his head? LIAM: (ape grunting) SAM: A hat TRAVIS: Skin LIAM: He drapes it all the way over Fjord, so you can’t even see his head anymore MATT: It’s just a big bear pelt that’s mostly tanned, it’s still a little damp in places TRAVIS: It’s very warm and disgusting LAURA: Mm SAM: You know, every time we see them, they’re doing a little better Maybe next time we see them, they’ll be running a business– LAURA: Or have a store somewhere? TRAVIS: How many were there? SAM: We saw three, so it could’ve been more TRAVIS: And you let them go, you didn’t injure them or kill any LAURA: Well, Nott sort of hurt one of them TALIESIN and TRAVIS: Oh SAM: I shot one with a– ASHLEY: We did see them running away from you LAURA: That was because of Caleb ASHLEY: Oh LIAM: (ape panting)
TRAVIS: Well, that’s good I’m you glad you probably stopped them from thieving, right? They were probably doing something illegal SAM: They actually freely admitted to have done some bad things LAURA: Right But no more than we do bad things, you know? MARISHA: Hmm SAM: Yes They were just– this was an honest thing that they were doing here tonight, that we scared them away from doing LAURA: Yeah, and stole their pelts that they were– SAM: But it’s like the Scared Straight program You know, we just keep scaring them, and eventually, they’ll go straight LAURA: Okay TALIESIN: Does that– LAURA: Okay, I don’t– yeah MARISHA: I think I read records about that never working SAM: Well, we’re trying TRAVIS: Can we go to sleep now SAM: Yes, feel free LAURA: Sorry about that, Fjord MATT: All right LIAM: Caleb starts recreating the hut MATT: Fair enough This evening’s rest is far more uneventful as the campfire in the distance slowly peters to a darkness LAURA: They probably would’ve wandered in here, you know? SAM: For sure LAURA: Tried to see what was going on TRAVIS: Not a chance LAURA: They would never have noticed us They’re not that talented ASHLEY: Well, I mean, in case, they would’ve noticed us, you certainly took care of the problem LAURA: That’s true ASHLEY: Well done LAURA: We do have, lots of horses sitting right outside of our bubble, so– MARISHA: They could’ve taken the horses, yep TALIESIN: That really felt like there was a lesson here, and I’m pretty sure we haven’t learned it MARISHA: Got to protect Toilet Jr. and Crapper Jr SAM: Oh, that’s right MARISHA: John, Jr LAURA: Old W.C MARISHA: Good ol’ W.C., J.R ASHLEY: Are those the horses’ names? SAM: Yeah MARISHA: They are now (laughter) MATT: That’s canon Evening is uneventful, rest comes easy The next morning, bright and early, the warmth of the sun would hit you, if you weren’t inside the dome when it begins to grow warm, but however, the dome does eventually fade and you all come to have your morning meal before stepping onto your horses, and continuing again Are you casting Find the Path again? LAURA: Oh, man it’s a 6th-level spell, what do you guys think? TALIESIN: Yeah, do it LAURA: Oh, man, all right MATT: Where is it leading you to now? LAURA: To the Isharnai, the Pri– MATT: Okay SAM: Nope, wait, wait, we’re going straight to her? We’re not going to go to Beau’s dad? MARISHA: Kamordah? LAURA: Oh I just figured if we could go straight to her SAM: Do we know where she is? We don’t where she is TALIESIN: We’re going– MATT: The spell will probably take you there SAM: Oh, I thought it had to be a place that you know MATT: Does it say that? TALIESIN: I think it does LAURA: No, it says, that you’re familiar with SAM: You don’t know where she lives MATT: But you, well, she scryed on it, so she would know– SAM: You know the location? LAURA: I’m familiar with it SAM: Oh, with the place, oh LIAM: So we’re shortcutting us SAM: Great TALIESIN: I thought we were going to go, I thought we were going there just to get– LAURA: But yeah, that makes sense TALIESIN: A little more data LAURA: We should probably do that first MATT: Up to you TALIESIN: Yeah LIAM: What do you want to do? SAM: Beau? MARISHA: I mean, if we need further confirmation, we only have this name from a book LAURA: That’s not necessarily that we need confirmation Fjord is going to make a choice for us TRAVIS: Go to Beau’s house! TALIESIN: Yeah ASHLEY: Because we are assuming that that woman is the same– MARISHA and ASHLEY: The same woman TALIESIN: We’re pretty sure, but I would also like to know what we’re really dealing with, which we don’t really know SAM: To Maison Lionett! LAURA: Yeah, let’s go to– So we don’t need the Find the Path for that You know where we’re going MARISHA: Yeah, more or less TALIESIN: We are out in the middle of nowhere right now LIAM: That way’s north, so where do we go if that is north? MARISHA: West TRAVIS: East! MATT: You made this journey a number of times in your youth You know how to guide them to Kamordah TRAVIS: Ee-ooh– well– TALIESIN: Hit the 405, it’s all muscle memory at this point MATT: All right TRAVIS: One to one west, north LAURA: (gibberish) MATT: We get it, you have a baby LAURA: Sorry (laughter) MATT: No, it’s fine ASHLEY: Hyah! (laughter) TRAVIS: The horses just take off running We’re not on them at all. Yasha! ASHLEY: Goddamn it, we’re not even ready to go MATT: I love it, I love it TRAVIS: Lost an hour ASHLEY: We haven’t packed up the food yet! MATT: The second day of travel, along the path, guided by Beauregard, also uneventful You do see occasionally some couriers on horseback, riding quickly across the southern road Most of them travel upon the Bromkiln Byway, but you guys have taken the path separately that heads to the Bromkiln Hills and Kamordah directly, based on the direction the spell took you, to cut off a little bit of time You can take the road The road is generally considered safer, if people can’t defend themselves But you guys generally don’t have to worry too much about that, so cutting the corners on this, you come to the second night’s rest You set up the camp And the evening comes to claim you for a night of sleep LIAM: In the middle of the night, Caleb is not sleeping too well MATT: Mm-hmm LIAM: And looks over at Yasha
ASHLEY: I don’t like sleeping LIAM: You don’t sleep easy? ASHLEY: I seem to be not very good at it lately Some nights have been easier, but, I sometimes don’t like to go sleep and possibly dream, you know? LIAM: You have not been yourself for awhile? ASHLEY: Yeah I guess I’m trying to figure out what that is right now Things just feel a little weird, but I’m getting through it. (sighing) LIAM: It’s fresh ASHLEY: Yeah Um I hope I’m not being too forward in asking you this, but, how do you deal with it? I– LIAM: Is it that obvious? ASHLEY: I guess from someone who knows I’ve only heard things about, your past, but LIAM: Mm ASHLEY: We don’t have to talk about it I just LIAM: Nott? ASHLEY: Yeah, I don’t remember, actually LIAM: Nott Sometimes, I feel like two people I’m better with them, and one of me is, my thing is old So I guess I’m accustomed to it I thought that we were similar when we first met It’s not just, it’s not just Obann You have blood in your eye ASHLEY: Yeah LIAM: I’m sorry ASHLEY: Why are you sorry? LIAM: Um LIAM: I see hesitation and regret in you And it is like a mirror I know regret, and I regret, I regret, and unless my intuition is very off, you know regret ASHLEY: So it never goes away? LIAM: No But It’s easier with people around you,
to make you feel more like you ASHLEY: I feel a little bit like, the forgiveness is almost harder to deal with I feel like anger is an emotion that I know how to deal with, because that’s where I live But I feel like, with everyone being so nice and accepting, I don’t know how to handle it I know I’m not handling it well, but I’m trying LIAM: Caleb is spinning a diamond over and over and over and over and over and over and over in his hand I don’t think we can But while we are never going to wash our hands, we can use them to leave something better in the world, and maybe the curtain never rises from our eyes, but what else do we do? You either lose yourself to it, and forget, or you do your part They’re pretty– and he looks around at them all– they’re pretty great We don’t deserve them ASHLEY: Do you love her? LIAM: Who? ASHLEY: I don’t need to tell you who I’m sorry, I– as someone who has lost someone that they love very much, I know how important it is to say things before it is too late LIAM: It’s too late, Yasha It’s too late ASHLEY: Maybe not, I don’t know LIAM: Reach out just a hand and look away and pat the top of her hand, and then, curl up and face the outside of the dome ASHLEY: I just stay sitting up and watching him MATT: There’s a flash in the distance Another one a moment later There’s a storm brewing It’s comforting ASHLEY: I close my eyes and I try to sleep MATT: The morning eventually comes for you all As the spell fades, and the morning sun
does not peek through, as the previous morning did Instead, as the dome begins to fade, the wet rain begins to suddenly fill the space, and you all rapidly grab your things, and start bundling it up quickly TRAVIS and MARISHA: Oh, ugh TRAVIS: Cool, cool, yep LAURA: Are we almost there, Beau? Are we almost there? MARISHA: We’re going to be riding in this shit all fucking day It’s going to take the rest of the day, right? MATT: For the most part MARISHA: All right, this is going to suck, let’s go LIAM: Hyah! ASHLEY: Hyah! (laughter) MATT: Getting back onto horseback, continuing following Beauregard’s lead across the Truscan Vale, ignoring the roads, onwards towards the Bromkiln Hills Most of the day progresses, all of you getting bundled with your cloaks and materials close, to maintain heat, and as as much dryness as you can, though elements of the rain seep into your boots You can feel the moisture causing your skin to clam within Looking up ahead, you can see the mountain range of this side of the Cyrios Mountains beginning to grow larger and larger, until you begin to see the greenish grassy plains of the Truscan Vale begin to give way to a different coloration The grass has begun to become duller, brown and yellow in places, and as you reach the beginning of the Bromkiln Hills themselves, you can see already, not beyond, that the hills getting larger and oddly shaped, but the landscape go from patches of completely lack of vegetation, where it’s just cracked ground and mud, to areas where you can see all manner of strange colored earth and mud and minerals beginning to emerge from what look almost like small steam vents that rise from the ground As you begin to– MARISHA: We’re close SAM: This is where you grew up? MARISHA: Shitty, right? SAM: Doesn’t look like farmland MARISHA: Exactly MATT: Heading towards the outskirts of Kamordah, as you crest one of the hills, begin to see in the later hours of the day, not quite nearing sunrise yet but dark enough where the clouds remain overhead that you can see the lights of all the interior lit homes of the village just begin to make their way to your eyes on the horizon All around you, the smell changes, too As opposed to wet earth and grass, you can smell strange minerals Some smell sweet and have almost a jasmine-type pleasant smell to it, and then, waves of heavy sulfur and other deep, earth minerals emerging from what you can now see around you, pockets of very heavy, geothermal activity that seem to be brewing through the nearby landscape You can see dozens and dozens of sorts of these vents, just this gentle white mist and every now and then, you’ll see a small, little geyser (hissing) emerge from spots TRAVIS: Oh, is there a volcano around here? MARISHA: I think one that used to be active a long time ago in the mountains This whole landscape is filled with geothermal activity and steam vents LIAM: Don’t stick your hands into any of the water It will melt, it will slough right of your bones LAURA: What?! Have you seen it happen? LIAM: No, just heard stories LAURA: That sounds– Beau, have you seen it happen? You lived around here MARISHA: We used to throw in snails and shit in there, and see what would happen That was fun LAURA: That’s really fucked up MARISHA: Yeah Yeah We were kids But yeah, let’s keep going, though LAURA: How does Beau seem compared to how’s she’s normally? LIAM: Totally good, doing great MATT: Beau? MARISHA: Awesome LIAM: Yeah, blue skies MATT: How do you seem, Beau? Anxious? MARISHA: Barricaded behind emotional walls TRAVIS: I’m trapped in a glass case of emotions MATT: There you go LAURA: More closed off than she’s been in a while? MATT: Yes Definitely If anything, it’s shades of the first time you guys met coming through Heading towards the outskirts of the city, as you approach the actual town proper, there are wrought iron gates and small stone walls
about waist to chest high in places The ground itself gives way to mud, a combination of the recent weather, and probably the strange, ashen ground that makes up a lot of the town here Vineyards, you know and have heard that fine wines come from here This does not look like a landscape that would be kind to any sort of standard vineyard At the front of the city, there are a few of the town’s guard posted, that keep an eye as you approach, careful and untrusting, but keeping to their space, looking over each of you intently as you go MARISHA: How’s the weather today? Is it still rainy? MATT: Oh, it’s still rainy MARISHA: Yeah Okay LAURA: Gray LIAM: It is not a sunny day (laughter) MATT: Yeah, the thunder and lightning that rolled through the night seems to have faded through the day, but it is still raining pretty hard Heading inward, you can see, this is a town built largely of pale rock and dull, petrified wood, which you know is a lot of the forests in the mountains surrounding here. Some of it’s very lush from how rich, how mineral-rich a lot of the earth is, and other areas have just died off, since whatever altered this mountain range happened, the lush forest that once carried it all, patches of them just withered up, and that becomes very cheap wood to build with So it’s funny For as much as you hear about wealth and the Truscan Vale is known to be a rich area– Deastok in particular, to the south– this town, the elements that you’re seeing upon arriving, seem a little more ramshackle, and in some ways reminding you of Shadycreek Run, though not as seedy, necessarily But definitely built for function over aesthetics A lot of the people you can see bringing their workloads through the streets, themselves hoods and cloaks up, looking miserable in the weather, shouting to each other and pulling materials through You can see carts exiting past you, heading toward the southern side of the city as they leave, a number of them carrying what look to be large barrels, some of these exports on their way out, and well-armed guards watching them as they go MARISHA: See how miserable everyone looks? SAM: I mean, they’re probably drunk, because everyone’s drunk on wine, right? This is wine place MARISHA: Nah, it just sucks TRAVIS: Caduceus, your homeland, you said it was dying, right, the nature was dying? Is it like this? Is this natural? MATT: No TALIESIN: No MATT: Because there are– this is different, but it’s still very alive, it’s just a different kind of life TALIESIN: Yeah, this is not the same MARISHA: Farmlands here passed from hand to hand and farmer to farmer, and they kept selling it off trying to get shit to grow, and of course they couldn’t get anything to grow until my dad, maybe a couple other farmers came in, threw down some grapes, and it turns out that the mineral-rich soil and the shitty weather from all the ocean mist makes for some great fucking grapes TALIESIN: Mm MARISHA: Grapes A lot of grapes. So many fucking grapes TRAVIS: Right, all that stuff and some crazy old woman MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Passing through, you can see what you know is the Mud Fields, which are an element of a lower end residential town, though it’s not a slum, per se, but it’s the standard workers’ homesteads here The streets themselves brown and mucky, especially with all the water that’s starting to flood in some places Some folks are in the process of currently taking buckets and making sure that certain areas don’t get too soggy You can see situated greenhouses that are arranged in places that are enclosed entirely, where it seems some semblance of green is being maintained from the interior You know these people have brought soil from other locations and have begun to try and find what other types of vegetation do take to the landscape here, and some do Not as profitable as wine is, and even then, it’s very selective of which patches of land do Making your way through the Mud Fields, you eventually head towards what is called the Rainbow Vineyards, which is along the base
of the mountains here that lead into the Cyrios range There are these winding cliffs, and you can see where they’ve carved walkways that go up the side, and there are buildings held in There are heavy ropes dangling where materials and goods are brought down to lower elevation, or carried up on high, as well as donkeys and horses carrying things up these paths if need be You can see clusters and clusters of oddly-colored grape vines, all just set upon the entire mountainside here And when I say mountainside, it visually is a mountainside, but none like what you’ve seen There are layers and layers, and the colors transition brightly from a dull gray to a bright yellow, to almost a dripping orange in some locales There’s areas where you can see pools of hot, hot water, that are emerging in these puddles of mud, where it’s boiling and bubbling, the coloration turning blue at the edges almost, and around that edge, you can see cultivating additional grape vines, and other strange, odd plants that are starting to take in there, all very carefully under watch, and very carefully guarded and well-manned, and you get the sense that there’s probably a lot of the– at least a surprising section of this town makes its living tending to vineyards here LIAM: As they’ve been traveling through here, Frumpkin the raven goes (flapping) and lands on Beauregard’s shoulder, and not sharp or painful or hard at all, but every once in awhile, gives a little (tapping), and Caleb doesn’t look at all. He’s just faced forward MATT: Okay MARISHA: What, Frumpkin? Stop. Stop! MATT: You can feel the muscles of your back and shoulders and neck, tightening and knotting in a way that you can’t remember experiencing The heat that’s building along the back of your neck and your spine is tremendous, matching almost what you imagine the temperature of these steam pits that are slowly releasing, the cold rain hitting, and the hot steam being released from it For a moment, you feel almost like you’re matching that temperature As you guys crest up on one side of the Rainbow Vineyards section, and you can see the three story estate of the Lionett family, lit from the inside LAURA: Beau Whatever happens, he was an asshole for being mean to you You’re a wonderful person You’re a wonderful person SAM: Yeah, yeah You’re a wonderful person LAURA: He was lucky to have you for a daughter Hopefully, he will realize that now If he doesn’t, remember what you told me Fuck ’em MARISHA: (laughs quietly) LAURA: You have us, and we love you so much, okay? MARISHA: Thanks, Jes, and I give her a hug (exhales) They added an arch It’s even more pretentious now Okay, let’s go SAM: Do we knock or call or–? MATT: There is a heavy gate on the outside, with the arch in the front gate is, it’s replaced the familiar entrance to the house There’s a little courtyard, where you can see there have been some trees and bushes that are tended to there The soil within the courtyard is different from the soil surrounding, though you can see even what’s been placed supposedly to try and keep the transplanted greenery intact is still browning and graying: a failed experiment on making a nice grounds around their home ASHLEY: Are there any flowers? MATT: No This is a flowerless place ASHLEY: I was going to pick all of them (laughter) TRAVIS: As we’re approaching, is there anyone on the roof, guarding the wall? MATT: Make a perception check TRAVIS: 10 MATT: 10 (laughter) MATT: It’s hard to tell at this distance, and as the light gets darker, at this point, you can sense now from just the slow shift in brightness that you’re probably about half an hour from dusk LIAM: It’s all that sulfur snake
MATT: But you would know that there’s usually, at any give point in time, two folks patrolling the grounds, just to ensure that nothing happens to the family or the business MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: Natch MATT: The gate is there. It’s locked, but you know one of many tricks to get by it So you just walk up to the lock We’ll say one of the pin materials that you often use to keep your hair up, you just quickly (clicking) and the lock just goes (squeaking) MARISHA: I think I have a lock picking kit MATT: Probably MARISHA: I still have one, yeah TALIESIN: The password is swordfish MARISHA: Yeah SAM and LAURA: It’s always swordfish LIAM: Just give it a condescending look MATT: There is a hitching post just outside, or we’ll say three hitching posts right there for travelers, you can leave the horses there SAM: After you, Beauregard LAURA: If you want us to attack anybody at all, just say, “Armadillo.” MARISHA: “Armadillo.” Got it TRAVIS: Armadillo LIAM: Armadillo MARISHA: Okay Let’s go TRAVIS: Do you want us with you? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I roll deep. That looks fucking awesome LAURA: You’re charge in us. You’re the leader of the group Cool, cool, cool? MARISHA: It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine Okay, let’s go MATT: Okay As you guys all begin to walk along the central pathway where some of the first cobblestones you’ve seen, you glancing at a fork, can see on the second floor, there is a railing, and there is a cloaked, hooded figure with a crossbow just leaning on the edge, not aimed at you, but just watches you carefully, and intentionally making his presence known as you approach, in a way that guards do oh so subtly when they’re hired hands Coming to the familiar front door, you can see there is a bit of a frosted glass window, in the front, that gives a little bit of light from the inside The heavy metal knocker sits resting, familiar MATT: (heavy knocking) (laughter) MARISHA: It’s very close (laughter) LAURA: And you hear, poof MARISHA: It’s on a delay, yeah TRAVIS: We need to change the batteries on my– MATT: Yeah TRAVIS: (powering down sounds) MATT: A moment passes, and then, you hear the, (clicking) (squeaking) and the door opens, and you see a woman standing there Probably early 30s, hair tied back She’s wearing not upper-class clothing, more just like a worker or a servant outfit “Hello, can I help you?” MARISHA: Do I know who she is? MATT: You do not recognize her SAM: Is it your mom? MARISHA: It’s not my mom SAM: Oh, okay MARISHA: No My mom is way more garish in the way she dresses Is the lady or man of the house here today? MATT: “(nervous chuckle) Oh, may I ask who’s inquiring?” MARISHA: Beauregard Lionett MATT: “Oh! Um “I’m afraid the master is “tending to the vineyards at the moment “He’ll probably be back shortly for dinner “But Ms. Lionett is inside “Please, please, enter.” LAURA: Oh, shit MATT: She opens the door SAM: What’s wrong? LAURA: Beau, what if your dad recognizes my voice? MARISHA: He probably will SAM: Just change your voice LAURA: I’m just going to change my voice MARISHA: I wouldn’t worry LAURA: I’m just going to make– MARISHA: It’s fine, yeah, don’t worry about it MATT: She steps to the side and just nods her head a little bit of like, I had no idea, I am so sorry Looking inside, it is warm, it’s inviting, especially in the cold rain, but as you step inside, and kick off your muddy boots or not, depending on how you feel about it, immediately, here in this foyer area, you can see it has a beautiful rustic aesthetic There are antlers on the wall You can see, it’s like a dark mahogany wood interior lined with a brighter wood used to set the walls apart There is a staircase that goes to a second landing
that wraps around the main foyer area, and there is a iron chandelier that sits in the middle that is circular with magically-held candles that just keep a constant, nice glow there LAURA: This is nice MARISHA: Yeah MATT: You can– the servant closes the door behind you, and then, rushes off “Just wait just a moment. (clearing throat)” And runs upstairs “Madame? “Madame?” And you can hear some giggling upstairs She goes and leaves into another room, and here’s– MARISHA: I go over to the fireplace MATT: Mm-hmm It’s warm, the hearth is burning SAM: Yeah, I mean, it looks pretty awful here Right? No? LIAM: Your family has done all right for themselves LAURA: How you are– how are you doing? SAM: How you are? LAURA: How are you are doing? (laughter) SAM: How you are– TRAVIS: How are y’all doing? (laughter) LAURA: Huh? MATT: “Beauregard!” (gasping) And you all look and turn and partway down the stair landing, you see a woman, similar, darker olive skin, hair put up into this very, very tight bun with a bit of ponytail that dangles behind, a really, really nice, a really nice dress for just being casually at the house, but comfortable, of a deep green color You can see, she is leaning in a very startled way, just looking directly down at Beau MARISHA: Hey, Mom MATT: “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming.” MARISHA: Yeah, it’s kind of a trend that I have going on MATT: “Well, uh.” And she heads down the stairs at a brisk pace, and approaches, and steps up to you, and then, halts, unsure how to greet you Gives a somewhat warm, somewhat stilted hug, and then pulls back a bit MARISHA: I’m sorry to barge in I know you were wanting to keep me distant from the family, but I need to talk to Dad It’s important, and then we’ll be gone, and you don’t have to– MATT: “No, no, you–” MARISHA: –fuck with me anymore MATT: “You could stay “as long as you like “I– who are your friends here?” And you hear a voice from upstairs go like, “Mommy?” TRAVIS: (laughter) MATT: And you see, from around the corner, the servants trying to catch up to him, but you see a young boy, who, in many ways, looks like a young, boyish Beauregard, longer hair that’s in this wild curl, looks like he just got out of a shower or something and had his head briskly dried He’s wearing these baggy pajamas that drag just past the fingers, and he begins running down the stairs LAURA: Oh, at two? Woof (laughter) Talented kid LIAM: Two and a half– TALIESIN: Waiting for that MATT: Two and a half It’s not– when I say tumbling down the stairs (laughter) TRAVIS: That sounds right, that sounds right MATT: Yeah TALIESIN: And restore (laughter) MATT: There you go (laughter) MARISHA: They bounce back MATT: Yeah No, it’s the servant trying to catch up with him, and they both come down to join as Clara still isn’t breaking eye contact and she just reaches out and takes your hand, and says, “It’s good to see you.” MARISHA: Yeah? MATT: “Would you like to stay for dinner?” (Jester humming) TRAVIS: That’s most gracious of you We are the Mighty Nein LAURA: Mm-hmm TRAVIS: We are esteemed friends of your daughter MATT: “Well, many friends “of Beauregard are friends of ours, so…” SAM: Hi MATT: “Hi.” SAM: How you are? MATT: “(stammers) I’m Clara Lionett, “Beauregard’s mother, but I assume you know that by now “I’ll ensure some places are set.” MARISHA: Hey, Mom, remember that year we had that mud slide that ended up happening, and took out half of our stock, and we only had a few bottles left from that year? MATT: “Yes?” MARISHA: Will you go grab one of those?
MATT: “Of course.” MARISHA: I’ve been talking about it a lot, you know, I’d love to– MATT: “Yes, yes, yes, of course “Jeanine, could you get one of those bottles?” And she goes, “Right away,” and then, darts out “Anyway. Oh, my goodness, oh my goodness, “I didn’t even– Beauregard,” and she turns, and you know, clutching the side, holding onto the edge, with a big smile, bright eyes, the little boy looks up at all of you (as TJ) “Whoa.” (as Clara) “Thoreau, Jr., I’d like you to meet “your older sister, Beauregard “Beauregard, this is Thoreau, Jr.” (as TJ) “That is sister?” (as Clara) “Yes, it’s your sister.” And he walks up to you MARISHA: I crouch down MATT: And he puts his arms around you MARISHA: He has that smell to him, like all the fucking kids in Kamordah MATT: He pulls back a little bit He’s still holding onto you a little bit He’s just looking at you, and he’s just taking you in Clara goes, “We were hoping you’d come by sometime, to meet him.” MARISHA: Did you know– The timeline that was always interesting to me Did you know you were pregnant with him when you sent me away? TRAVIS: The mantel is lovely Jester, would you help me over here for a moment, Nott, perhaps, everyone, if we could just MARISHA: I lean down to TJ Hey, little man MATT: “Hey.” MARISHA: What’s your favorite color? (laughter) MATT: And he points at his mother’s dress MARISHA: Green? Well, here, you might, you might like this, then I give him the jade necklace, put it around him Yeah TRAVIS: Yep, yep (laughter) MARISHA: It’s been in some dank places, little man, so it’ll really build up your immune system (laughter) MATT: And he’s just looking at you, going, and slobber coming off of it TRAVIS: Antibodies ASHLEY and LAURA: (like Ronin) Ah, wha LIAM: It tastes like indigo MATT: (as Clara) “Look, Beauregard, “things are challenging all around “I didn’t– “your father didn’t mean things to “become so tense “when you went away.” MARISHA: Well, it was a hell of a goodbye, you know? I’m not entirely sure why anyone would think that that was a good fucking idea to handle a situation with a daughter that was clearly, just wanting your fucking attention MATT: “I’m sorry “I know it doesn’t mean much “Your father was under a lot of stress, and “Things should’ve been handled differently, “you’re right, you’re absolutely right.” MARISHA: Fuck, Mom
So you’re just as passive as you were back in the day Did you get that bottle of wine? MATT: “Jeanine’s–” and you hear the footsteps are coming from under the cellar MARISHA: Jeanine! MATT: (as Jeanine) “Here’s the–” MARISHA: My hero MATT: Passes the bottle– MARISHA: Jeanine, Jeanine, Jeanine, Jeanine. Thank you, thank you SAM: I’ll take care of it MARISHA: Yeah It’s like a– it’s one of our most expensive bottles of wine, so enjoy MATT: (thudding) (door creaking) SAM: Oh, someone’s home MATT: The front door opens, and you can hear the rain from outside, as you see a figure step in with a heavy overcoat, hat on, step inside, kick off a bit, close the door, take the hat and the coat off, hang it on the side, and turn, and then, as your father looks you directly in the face, and immediately just looks like he’s seen a ghost “Beauregard.” MARISHA: Hi MATT: “(nervous chuckling)” MARISHA: I’m home MATT: “I can see that “I… was not expecting to see you today.” MARISHA: Or ever MATT: “Welcome, welcome “Friends of yours, I assume?” MARISHA: Ah, yeah, Mom, Dad, this is The Mighty Nein MATT: He looks towards all of you, and then looks to Nott, he goes SAM: Hi How you are? MATT: “Hello.” LAURA: Why do you keep doing that?! MATT: Looks to Clara– MARISHA: Dad, don’t do that, Dad Don’t MATT: Clara looks back, and picks up TJ, and puts him in her arms, and SAM: Oh, it’s fine, it’s fine MARISHA: Fucking embarrassing SAM: Cute kid! ASHLEY: He looks very tasty MATT: By this point, TJ is looking right at Nott, after seeing, he’s like, “Whoa!” SAM: Cool, right? MATT: And Clara’s like, “Uh! Hmm! “I’m going to go put TJ to– I’m going to put him down,” and then, takes off a little bit, and Thoreau steps in a bit “Well, it’s pleasure to have you all “I am glad you’ve all been, “traveling, I assume.” SAM: Just going to go and start rifling around for some cups or something MATT: “I have been receiving updates about your work “with the Cobalt Soul “Apparently, been doing quite some fine work “I guess I should say Expositor Beauregard? “That’s incredible “I mean.” MARISHA: Still sending you those tuition updates, huh? MATT: “Well, it’s important for us to, you know, “make sure we know how our Beauregard’s doing.” LIAM: Unparalleled, she is MATT: “Mm-hmm “As she would be.” LAURA: Insight check I want to know if he seems like he’s genuinely proud of her or if– MATT: Go for it, make an insight check LIAM: Come on, Jessie Roll high LAURA: Ooh! SAM: Yeah LAURA: What is that, 23? MATT: 23! SAM: Wow. Whispers, whispers ASHLEY: Whispers SAM: This is intense family drama that you’ll only get, you only get thanks to Hero Forge (laughter) Hero Forge, makers or minis and also, supporters of intense family dramas Travis is– both of his fingers are in his nose right now MARISHA: The allergies are really bad right now SAM: What do you mean, allergies? It’s winter. There’s no allergies LIAM: We all experience emotions in our own way TRAVIS: Late at night, my nose goes. I don’t know what– blame the internet SAM: Because the cocaine wears off You need more LIAM: Now they know our secret SAM: That’s right TRAVIS: It’s Adderall MARISHA: Good hit, man MATT: (sighing) LIAM: Now we’re back in SAM: Found a couple cups MARISHA: Oh, thank you TALIESIN: For this, I will try a sip SAM: Ooh, here you go MATT: “Well, I, “a toast to Expositor Beauregard Lionett.”
TRAVIS: Cheers MATT: “I– “I know you well enough, Beauregard, to assume you “haven’t come for the sake of pleasantries.” LAURA: I just go up and stand next to Beau, and put my hand on her back, and I’m going to whisper in her ear Do you want us to stay? MARISHA: Please LAURA: Okay MARISHA: Yep, you know me, Dad I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want something LAURA: I shoot him a look MARISHA: Listen, that story that you love to tell, at every family gathering, and for bedtime, and any chance you had, that old hag that you talked about, we need to find her MATT: “(chuckling)” MARISHA: Is that story even real, or was that just meant to terrify me? MATT: “Uh– (quickly swallows wine)” He finishes his drink and sets it down “Of course it’s real, Beauregard “Look, I know you– “I know we’ve had our differences “And I’ve not– “I’ve not been the pinnacle of a father, “in the same way that you’ve not been “a pinnacle of a daughter “I accept my responsibilities in the things that I’ve, “maybe been a bit harsh on “But look what you’ve become.” MARISHA: It feels like a weird justification of your behaviors, but I’d like to hope that what I became had nothing to fucking do with you, but maybe I’d be lying to myself Yeah, I was difficult I have my onus in everything that happened But I thought a dad was supposed to stay by their kid when they’re having a fucking hard time MATT: His eyes get– MARISHA: Mom already fucking mentioned that life gets difficult and it’s hard So you’re right Maybe it’s easy to justify the easy way out, just get rid of the problem MATT: “That’s not what this was about “You were on the self-destructive path “We didn’t know what to do “I’ve never been a– “no one teaches you how to be a good father “I regret choices I’ve made, “and you don’t think I don’t hold myself responsible for– “I thought I was doing what was best for you, truly.” MARISHA: You did It was probably the best thing you could’ve done for me So thank you Tell me the story again, and then I’ll go MATT: “It’s true “I haven’t lied to you or made anything up “Why are you asking about this?” MARISHA: She has information we need
MATT: “You’re trying to actually go to her?” MARISHA: We need her MATT: “What for?” MARISHA: Why are you afraid? MATT: “I’m not afraid, I’m just curious.” MARISHA: Um– We think she has something to do with why– LAURA: (southern accent) We needed to break a curse That’s all (laughter) MATT: Damn it MARISHA: Judy Garland just showed up. (laughs) SAM: Your daughter’s trying to do what she always does, help a friend MATT: “Well, I mean, I’ve just heard the stories “growing up about the witch in the mountains.” MARISHA: What was her name? MATT: “I don’t remember “She was just ‘the witch in the mountains.’ “Beau, you know how I grew up “We had nothing “I was in the street, I had nothing else to lose “I mean, if I was lucky, this would work “If I was not quite as lucky, “she would’ve just chopped me up and eaten me “I didn’t have anything else waiting for me “So I– “I went and just wandered north, “through the mountains, through the forests, “and my shoes began to split, “and I was chased by wolves and worse, “until eventually, one day, I just stumbled “upon this little shack “And there was the witch “Right when I began to think it was all a lie, “and I had thrown myself to the wolves for nothing, “there she was, with her crooked smile, “and hungry eyes, and–” LAURA: Did she have long arms? MATT: “Longer than natural, yeah “And she asked me how I’d come here, “I threw myself so withered before her, “and I said I had nothing to lose “And heard that she can help people “She said she could “She said she was a fortune teller “She said fortune was her specialty “And so she threw her runes, and played her cards, “and said that “there was a way to get what I always wanted “for just a fragment of “my fortune, “and I said, ‘Well, I don’t have a fortune.’ She said, ‘Not that fortune, “‘your fortune.’ “And I agreed, because I had nothing to lose “I said, this woman I wanted to marry “doesn’t deserve an impoverished man “Whatever it takes “And so, (sighing) “she said I’ll be a great craftsman, “working in fine spirits, “to pick a place in the mountain land, “and wherever I picked, “the ground would grow
“She said a young beau will take on the great name, “to continue this success, “until everything, eventually, “will humble me by that which I desired most “And then she sent me on my way “We came back, we built on land “with what last bit we could borrow from her family, “and she was right, “and we had another blessing “And the fact that it all worked means “I don’t know what else she took, “and I don’t know what’s coming to humble me, “and I just want to protect my family “So if you intend to actually go and see this witch, “just be careful.” MARISHA: For me? Or for you and yours? MATT: “For us, Beauregard.” MARISHA: Maybe I’m the one that’s sent to humble you MATT: “(sighing)” “Beauregard, don’t think for any moment “your mother and I haven’t loved you from the depths “of our hearts this entire time “I’m sorry if we didn’t show it properly.” MARISHA: (chuckling) I don’t know if I feel validated or vindicated or what LAURA: It’s confusing MATT: “My apologies “I didn’t realize this would be “the evening I think any of us was coming home to “I’m a bit caught off-guard and unprepared.” MARISHA: Yeah Well, some things never change Do they, Dad? LAURA: Beau? I pull her aside MARISHA: I’m, like, seconds away from losing my shit LAURA: I know you are I just want you to know– (beverage bubbling) you know, he looks like he’s telling the truth, Beau Obviously, he was terrible to you Obviously, they did terrible things, and they sent you away, and that’s horrible But I do believe they love you, I do, and I don’t expect you to forgive them right away, by any means But I would just encourage to maybe, maybe listen to them the way you listened to us, with open ears MARISHA: How did you do it? LAURA: Do what? MARISHA: Forgive your dad so quickly LAURA: Well,
I mean, he seemed pretty earnest, and there’s not a lot to be gained from holding grudges You know, it feels like poison inside of you How much better would it feel if you could just be clean? MARISHA: Bu I’m so good at holding grudges LAURA: I know, you’re really good at it MARISHA: You make an interesting point, though I walk back over LIAM: This is an excellent wine MATT: “Well, looking at the bottle, “it’s an extremely rare one, that I would’ve preferred “to have kept in the cellar, “but it’s a special occasion, so enjoy it.” LIAM: The most special occasion, a reunion (clearing throat) Beauregard MARISHA: I’m going to go find this woman that you based so much of our entire lives around, and hope that I can better understand why and where you’re coming from, because while you and Mom didn’t do a lot of the footwork into understanding me, it doesn’t mean that I can’t do my research to better understand where I came from I’ve done a lot to reflect on what choices I’ve made to put me in the position that I’m in And I guess I’m just mildly disappointed to see that the same amount of work hasn’t been done or at least even remotely attempted MATT: “That’s not entirely true, Beauregard “Not entirely wrong, either.” MARISHA: I gave Thoreau Jr. the jade necklace Make sure he doesn’t choke on it MATT: “Well, then don’t, don’t leave and go to this woman “without any sort of protection “Hold on just a second,” and he nervously runs past you, and heads off into one of the side chambers SAM: You’re doing great, you’re doing amazing LAURA: You’ve done a really good job, Beau SAM: Yeah LAURA: We all are here with you SAM: Question, protection? He thinks that protects you? MARISHA: I told you he was incredibly superstitious LAURA: We never checked it out, though It might’ve been protective, or really valuable, I don’t know TALIESIN: Detect Good and Evil MATT: Okay, Detect Good and Evil LIAM: Fireball (laughter) ASHLEY: Necrotic Shroud (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m curious if this is a guy who’s had things blessed, cursed MATT: Sure TALIESIN: How superstitious is he in this house, how fearful is he? MATT: Okay Well, Detect Good and Evil, all right TALIESIN: I know I’m going to do a Detect Magic on top of it MATT: Okay He rushes back in, and in his hands, and you can see a different design, but there is another tighter jade necklace, different carvings, he rushes over and he goes, “This is your mother’s, but just please, please, for me, “if you’re going to do this. (sighs)” MARISHA: Always good to have an upgrade MATT: You don’t sense anything on the list
TALIESIN: Detect Magic, just for fun, too, for the room, for everything MATT: Okay And the lights above, definitely You know, the equipment you’re wearing The necklace he’s granting is not magical LAURA: Mm LIAM: It’s super special, though MATT: Yeah He just, as he grabs your hands, handing it to you, withdraws and recomposes himself “I only hope, “I hope I can make up to you the missteps “that I can plainly see behind me “It’s rare that a child’s damage at that age “and “behavior “doesn’t reflect how I, “hmm, “misstepped in my parenting.” MARISHA: Thank you for that MATT: “Your grandfather was no peach, either, “and there’s, “there’s difficulty in realizing “how much you intended to be different, “and then to realize you’ve become so similar “So I hope with the company you keep, “maybe you won’t repeat the same mistakes I have, “by treating the people around you.” MARISHA: I’m trying to do better I’ll let you know how it goes MATT: “Good, good.” LAURA: Are we staying, are we going– MATT: “Are you staying for dinner?” LAURA: What exactly are we doing? SAM: We’ll leave now, yeah? MARISHA: We should go ASHLEY: Yeah? LAURA: Yeah, yeah MARISHA: Tell Mom thank you Mom! MATT: You look back and she’s actually looking out past the doorway, and darts behind, and then walks out (as Clara) “Yes?” MARISHA: I’m going, Mom MATT: “Oh “Oh, all right,” and she reaches behind, and pulls TJ behind her You see he like comes up alongside her, and she walks up to you, and hands TJ over to your father, and takes your hand, “I’m sorry things, “things are strained tonight, “but it’s good to see you.” MARISHA: I just lean in and I whisper: You’re allowed to have an opinion, too, Mom I’ll let you know how it goes MATT: “Of course,” and she squeezes your hand and lets go, and then, she looks over, and TJ comes up again He looks up at you, and holds the necklace back up again and starts sucking on it again, and Clara’s like, “No, no, honey “No, no, no, no, no!” And your dad turns to you “Be safe.”
MARISHA: I will, I promise MATT: “Keep her safe.” LAURA: Always TALIESIN: Of course LAURA: You want to give her an awkward hug or anything? You know she’s going to face a pretty powerful being MARISHA: I think we’re good MATT: “Right.” LAURA: Okay, just checking SAM: Good luck to you, too MARISHA: Any landmarks to look out for? MATT: “If you hear noise, run “There was a thick, “bramble tangle, “partially grayed and petrified like many “of the woods there “That means you’re close “If the ground begins to tar, it looks like, “you’re almost there “And if I recall, it’s “pretty straight north from here.” MARISHA: All right LAURA: Should we take horses there, or should we go on foot? MATT: “You can take horses as far as you want, “but there’ll be a point where you won’t be able “to bring them with you.” LAURA: Maybe we should leave the horses here? SAM: We’ll take them a bit LAURA: All right (laughter) SAM: Oh, you care about horses just a little bit MATT: “The Mighty Nein, “it’s been a pleasure having you “Welcome to the Lionett Estate, and “travel safe. We look forward to seeing you here again.” SAM: And you, too Many years ago, I was granted a wish by that same witch, and I turned into this as a result, so I hope that doesn’t happen to you (laughter) Bye MARISHA: Bye, Dad I swipe another bottle of wine that they have on display on the way out SAM: And I will steal literally anything (laughter) If I don’t see anything on the way out, I’ll just take the cup I was drinking MATT: The cup you still have, definitely It’s a nice cup On the way out, there are these small, square windows off to each side of the entryway, and they have these little, decorative tables with nice velvet over them, and you can see there’s a couple of art pieces there that are relatively easy to grab SAM: I’ll grab one MATT: Doing it stealthily or– SAM: Stealthily MATT: Roll sleight of hand SAM: (nervous noise) 28 TALIESIN: I am so disappointed MATT: You glance down, and it’s this beautiful jade rabbit sculpture SAM: When our friend gets out of the shitter, tell him to meet us outside (laughter) ASHLEY: I’m just going to linger and hang back (laughter) I’m one of the last ones to walk out MATT: Okay Thoreau approaches to close the door behind ASHLEY: You should be very proud of your daughter You are very lucky to have her MATT: “I agree.” ASHLEY: You should show her that more, then If, for some reason, we end up killing this hag, will all of this go away? MATT: “I don’t know.” ASHLEY: Well Maybe that would help you remember what’s important Have a good night MATT: As you leave, he just stands there with the door open, watching you all walk away, those words still echoing through his ears before the door slowly (clicking) TRAVIS: (whispering) Orphan Maker MATT: As you all– (laughter) As you all step back out into the cold night rain The sun now set, the sky darkened beneath the storm clouds, as another distant flash of lightning brings the calming thunder to your ears, Yasha MARISHA: I cry a little bit, and then, just grab everybody, and huddle everybody in LAURA: Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug MATT: You all come in for a cold, rainy hug here in the mud, on the outskirts on the Lionett Estate, here in Kamordah, a union of support MARISHA: Yeah, it’s good MATT: And that’s where we’ll end tonight’s episode ASHLEY: Ooh TALIESIN: (snapping) MATT: Man, whoa
ASHLEY: Oof TALIESIN: Yeah LAURA: Totally where you expected it to go, right? MATT: Totally expected MARISHA: It was a good show MATT: I’ve had all these battle maps for all the different direction for a lot of this, and I don’t care This has all been a great fucking role play, man LIAM: Travis, Travis, when you were gone, was Fjord’s stool solid or runnier, or? MATT: Stony LIAM: Stony? (groaning) (laughter) TALIESIN: Vegan milkshake stony, like that level Yeah. It’s a rough time SAM: Wow, guys, wow MARISHA: My eyes were puffy LAURA: Yeah MATT: I can’t imagine why LAURA: You’re going to be exhausted MARISHA: I’m going to sleep so good MATT: Man, it’s so weird playing your asshole dad LAURA: Yeah, it’s kind of creepy MATT: It’s a very strange disassociation exercise LIAM: I hope so MATT: Oh yeah (laughter) Touché Man Well, thank you guys for joining us (cheering) (laughter) SAM: Have fun on this show We have fun MATT: Oh yeah We have– ASHLEY: I am sweating, and was just stress eating TALIESIN: Yeah So much stress eating MARISHA: The back of my neck is drenched MATT: Ugh, oh man, this is, ugh There are NPCs that are challenging and such, but, like, between your dad and Taryon’s dad, those are two NPCs that have been the grossest to step into for different reasons TALIESIN: Challenging subject MATT: Yeah Well LIAM: But those syphilis bandits, though (laughter) MATT: You left an impression! I’m just looking over here, I’m like– TRAVIS: It was Benadryl MATT: I’m looking down here, I’m like rolling to see, like, yeah, no, they’re going to run into them again A fun recurring theme TALIESIN: I felt that there was something in that fire that was worth, I’m so glad, that was great MARISHA: The fire? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm MATT: The bandit camp MARISHA: Oh MATT: That’s a whole different thing TALIESIN: There’s a coincidence down there MATT: I know, anyway Thank you guys for joining us for this extensively emotionally tense episode We’ll be back here next Thursday Looks like treading into the Cyrios Mountains that are surrounding Mount Mentiri LAURA: Oh, you guys remember when we first started, when we were like, witch hut, witch hut– MARISHA: Witch hut, witch hut LAURA: We’re going to a witch hut! TALIESIN: Oh man LIAM: And we surrounding that hut, we’re like, there’s a witch in it Nope, yeah, there is MARISHA: It was a troll MATT: Yeah There’s an actual witch hunt LAURA: Oh my god TALIESIN: And we know, we’re going to be prepared, we’re going to have our stuff together TRAVIS: Sure, we’ll be prepared TALIESIN: We’re going to make some good choices LIAM: Hey! TALIESIN: I’m going to take Control Water Everything’s going to fine MATT: Yeah That’d be great All right, guys, well, we hope to see you next Thursday In the meantime, be safe, take care of each other Know that we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night [music]