The Cast of "Everybody Loves Raymond" Reunites for the 14TH Annual IMF Virtual Comedy Celebration

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The Cast of "Everybody Loves Raymond" Reunites for the 14TH Annual IMF Virtual Comedy Celebration

WHEN A PATIENT IS DIAGNOSED WITH MYELOMA, THEY’RE NOT ALONE THEY HAVE SUPPORT THEY HAVE INFORMATION THEY HAVE ACCESS TO THINGS THAT WERE NOT THERE IN THE PAST SUSIE DURIE: AFTER SEEING THE RAVAGES THAT MYELOMA CAN CAUSE, SINCE THEN, IT’S JUST BEEN A MISSION TO NOT HAVE OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO GO THROUGH AND SUFFER WHAT HE DID BRIAN: THERE WAS A DESPERATE NEED TO PROVIDE INFORMATION THAT COULD LEAD THEM TO THE BEST TESTS AND TO THE BEST TREATMENTS IT WAS JUST GIVING PATIENTS THE VOICE BRIAN: WE NEEDED NEW TREATMENTS, BETTER TREATMENTS COULD WE CURE MYELOMA, PREVENT MYELOMA? S. VINCENT: SOMETIMES A VERY BIG ADVANCE CAN MAKE ONLY IF YOU TAKE A RISK MAN: LOOK WHAT HAPPENED IN THE SURVIVAL OF PATIENTS WHEN IMF STARTED, AND NOW 30 YEARS LATER MAN 2: THEY ACHIEVED SO MANY THINGS IN THESE 30 YEARS– THE FOCUS, THE ENERGY, THE SYNERGY IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE LAST 30 YEARS BRIAN: THE OUTCOMES ARE DRAMATICALLY IMPROVED, AND THEY’RE GOING TO IMPROVE MORE SUSIE: BECAUSE WE BELIEVE THAT WE CAN WORK COLLABORATIVELY AND WE WILL CURE THIS DISEASE ONCE AND FOR ALL GOOD EVENING, I’M SUSIE DURIE, PRESIDENT AND FOUNDER OF THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION BRIAN: AND I’M DR. BRIAN DURIE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION TONIGHT WE WELCOME YOU TO THE 14th ANNUAL COMEDY CELEBRATION NOW, THIS IS THE FIRST ONE THAT HAS BEEN CONDUCTED IN THIS VIRTUAL FASHION SUSIE: IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THE FOUNDATION WAS STARTED 30 YEARS AGO BRIAN: THE LAST 6 MONTHS OF THIS YEAR, 2020, HAS BEEN TRULY, TRULY CHALLENGING FOR ALL OF US DESPITE THAT, THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION HAS BEEN ABLE TO PIVOT AND BEEN ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD AND CONDUCT OUR PROGRAMS USING A VIRTUAL FORMAT ALTHOUGH WE MISS THE IN-PERSON CONTACT WITH OUR PATIENT MEETINGS AND OUR DOCTOR MEETINGS AND OUR EXPERT PANELS, THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CONNECT WITH MANY, MANY MORE PEOPLE AND KEEP OUR PROGRAMS ROLLING AND ALLOW US TO SUPPORT AND CONTINUE THE EFFORTS DAY TO DAY THAT ARE SO IMPORTANT TO THE ACTIVITIES OF THE IMF THE FUNDING FROM THIS EVENING GOES TOWARD THE BLACK SWAN RESEARCH INITIATIVE, WHICH IS THE GLOBAL PROJECT LOOKING TO BOTH TRY TO PREVENT MYELOMA AND COME UP WITH A CURE WE HAVE 40 PROJECTS ACTIVELY WORKING AROUND THE GLOBE RIGHT NOW AND THE FUNDING IS JUST SO CRUCIAL TO MAKE THE RESEARCH HAPPEN SUSIE: WE ARE THIS CLOSE TO THE CURE I CAN’T THANK LORAINE BOYLE ENOUGH FOR BEING WHO SHE IS AND BEING SO FEARLESS, AND JUST–SHE JUST JUMPED IN OBVIOUSLY PETER BOYLE WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE AND WHEN PETER PASSED AWAY FROM MULTIPLE MYELOMA, LORAINE HAD THE GUTS TO JUMP IN AND HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE AND TODAY SHE’S ONE OF OUR BOARD MEMBERS AND WITHOUT HER HELP, WE WOULD NOT BE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW BRIAN: THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS THANK YOU TO LORAINE THANK YOU TO RAY AND THE CAST OF “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.” WE JUST APPRECIATE THIS ALL SO MUCH SUSIE: SO I WANT YOU ALL RIGHT NOW TAKE A DEEP BREATH, SIT BACK, RELAX, AND ENJOY THE SHOW [“EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” THEME SONG PLAYING] HEY, EVERYBODY, RAY ROMANO HERE,

LIVE ON THE WEBCAM, OR WHATEVER THIS THING IS THEY SET UP IN FRONT OF ME WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S FOR A GOOD CAUSE WE’RE HERE TO WELCOME YOU TO THE 14th ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION VIRTUAL COMEDY CELEBRATION WE’VE BEEN DOING THESE EVERY YEAR FOR THE LAST 14 YEARS– 13 YEARS– AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN IN A THEATER WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE LAUGHING AND SOME GREAT COMEDIANS TRYING TO RAISE MONEY AND OF COURSE, NOW WE FIND OURSELVES IN THIS SITUATION BUT WE HAVE SOMETHING GREAT PLANNED, AND I THINK YOU’RE REALLY GONNA ENJOY IT WE’RE RAISING FUNDS FOR THE PETER BOYLE RESEARCH FUND AND THE BLACK SWAN RESEARCH INITIATIVE TO FIND THE CURE FOR MULTIPLE MYELOMA TONIGHT, ONCE AGAIN, WE ARE HONORING A FORMER CASTMATE OF “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND,” THE GREAT PETER BOYLE, WHO WAS A GREAT MENTOR TO ME AND JUST A LOVELY MAN, JUST THE OPPOSITE OF THE CHARACTER HE PLAYED ON TV AND HE PASSED AWAY IN 2006 FROM MYELOMA, AND HIS WIFE LORAINE BOYLE ASKED ME AT THE TIME IF I WOULD GET INVOLVED IN TRYING TO RAISE MONEY IN HIS NAME, IN HIS HONOR, AND WE’VE BEEN DOING IT FOR 13 YEARS AND IT’S A GREAT ORGANIZATION, AND IT’S A GREAT CHARITY, AND THEY’RE DOING GREAT WORK, AND SOON WE’RE NOT GONNA NEED THIS ANYMORE GO ONLINE TO COMEDY.MYELOMA.ORG RIGHT NOW AND MAKE A DONATION OF 15 OR $30 OR WHATEVER YOU CAN AFFORD TO GIVE OUR GOAL IS TO FIND THE CURE FOR MULTIPLE MYELOMA SO WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN HERE IS THAT IN A FEW MOMENTS, YOU’RE GONNA SEE THE CAST OF “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND,” AND WE ARE GOING TO REVISIT OUR CHARACTERS, AND WE ARE GOING TO DO SELECTED SCENES FROM YOUR FAVORITE EPISODES IT’S BEEN A WHILE IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS SINCE THE SHOW– NO, IT’S BEEN MORE THAN THAT IT’S BEEN 25 YEARS SINCE THE SHOW WAS ON THE AIR, 15 YEARS SINCE IT’S BEEN OFF AND WE’RE GONNA GO AT IT AGAIN SHARE THIS LIVESTREAM ON SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG #IMFCOMEDY HASHTAG #IMFCOMEDY DO YOUR PART RIGHT NOW TEXT “COMEDY” TO 41444, OR YOU CAN SCAN THIS STRANGE LITTLE SQUARE THINGY WITH YOUR PHONE CAMERA AND CLICK THE LINK IN THE REPLY MESSAGE TO DONATE OVER THE PHONE THIS MONTH ALSO MARKS THE IMF’s 30th ANNIVERSARY WE CELEBRATE 30 YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC ACHIEVEMENT WITH MULTIPLE MYELOMA PATIENT CARE AT THE HEART OF IT ALL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME THE CREATOR OF “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND,” MR. PHIL ROSENTHAL PHIL: HELLO, RAYMOND. HI [LAUGHTER] PHIL: I’M SO HAPPY. I’M SO– WE HAVEN’T DONE THIS, REALLY THIS IS LIKE A REUNION RAY: WE’VE NEVER DONE THIS, YEAH PHIL: WE’RE ACTUALLY– RAY: IT IS– IT’S THE REUNION THAT WE CAN DO RIGHT NOW IN THE CURRENT SITUATION PHIL: YEAH, BUT WE’RE GONNA BE READING SCENES FROM SOME OF OUR FAVORITE EPISODES, AND WE HAVE ASSEMBLED A LOT OF PEOPLE I’M SO EXCITED RAY: YEAH, IT’S, UH, IT’S GONNA BE WEIRD IT’S GONNA BE NOSTALGIC AND SCARY AND FUN, KIND OF LIKE MY HONEYMOON [LAUGHTER] BRAD, ARE YOU OUT THERE? BRAD: YEAH, IT’S TERRIFIC PHIL: HE’S STILL GOT IT SO LET’S–YOU WANT TO INTRODUCE WHO’S WITH US TODAY, RAYMOND? RAY: SURE. WELL, WE HAVE THE ACTRESS WHO PLAYED MY WIFE, PATTY HEATON PATTY’S WITH US PATTY: HI! HI, EVERYBODY PHIL: WHERE YOU CALLING IN FROM, PATTY? PATTY: I’M IN NASHVILLE RIGHT NOW PHIL: WOW. SHE’S TAKING UP THE COUNTRY-WESTERN THING PATTY: I AM I GOT COWBOY BOOTS ON, YOU JUST CAN’T SEE THEM RAY: LET’S INTRODUCE MY BROTHER BRAD GARRETT PHIL: OH! RAY: PLAYED MY BROTHER ROBERT BRAD: HI, THANK YOU PHIL: YAY! BRAD: THANK YOU SO RAY: NO, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN SIT DOWN BRAD: I WAS STANDING EVERYONE’S SO INCREDIBLY NICE THANK YOU HEY! RAY: AND OF COURSE, THE GREAT AMY–MONICA HORAN PHIL: YAY! NOT ONLY ROBERT’S WIFE, BUT MY WIFE RAY: NICE BRAD, I HAVE TO, BUT YOU WHAT’S THE JOKE? PHIL: THAT’S THE JOKE MONICA: THAT WAS THE JOKE RAY: AND THEN WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST STAR WE’LL LEAVE IT. WE’LL–WE’LL PHIL: SURPRISE A LITTLE SURPRISE IT’S GONNA BE FUN

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, SHOULD WE JUMP IN? WHAT DO YOU THINK? PATTY: LET’S JUMP IN RAY: WE’RE JUST GONNA DO SCENES, RIGHT? A COUPLE SCENES FROM THE SHOW PHIL: I THINK THE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY KNOW THE SHOW SO I’M JUST GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE BACKGROUND I’M GONNA READ THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. RIGHT? AND THEN IT’LL BE LIKE YOU’RE AT A TABLE READING FOR “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.” THIS IS HOW IT WAS RAY: IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS, FOLKS IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS PHIL: WE’RE GONNA START WITH A SHOW– NOW, I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW, AND I ALWAYS SAY THIS, THAT 90% OF WHAT YOU SAW ON THE SHOW HAPPENED TO ME OR TO RAY OR TO ONE OF OUR OTHER GREAT WRITERS, AND THAT’S HOW WE MADE THE SHOW WE WOULD COME IN WITH PERSONAL STORIES AND I JUST WANT TO SAY BEFORE WE START THIS ONE THAT RAY AND I WROTE TOGETHER, THIS WAS AN EXCEPTION I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS SHOW CAME FROM THIS IS KNOWN AS OUR PMS EPISODE IT’S CALLED “BAD MOON RISING.” SO THIS IS THE TEASER WE FADE INTO RAY AND DEBRA’S KITCHEN IT’S SUNDAY MORNING RAY ENTERS FROM UPSTAIRS DEBRA IS YELLING OUT THE BACK DOOR DEBRA: MICHAEL, I’M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN WE DO NOT THROW ROCKS RAY: OK, BUT IF YOU DO MAKE– REMEMBER PUSH OFF YOUR BACK FOOT AND FOLLOW THROUGH [CHUCKLES] DEBRA: [SIGHS] NICE OF YOU TO WAKE UP, RAY I’VE BEEN DOWN HERE WITH THE KIDS SINCE 6:30 RAY: OH, I WAS UP. I JUST–I HAD TO SHAVE AND TAKE A SHOWER DEBRA: OH, SO I GUESS YOU TRACKED WATER ALL OVER THE BEDROOM RAY: LITTLE BIT DEBRA: WHAT DO YOU DO, HMM? WHAT DO YOU DO, WALK IN THERE AND SHAKE YOURSELF DRY LIKE A SHEEP DOG? RAY: WELL, WHEN I’M NAKED, I LIKE TO SHAKE IT SO, WHAT’S TO EAT? DEBRA: [SIGHS] OH, I DON’T KNOW, RAY WHAT SHOULD I DO FIRST, GO CLEAN UP THE MESS YOU MADE UPSTAIRS OR MAKE YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS SOME EGGS? RAY: OH, WHOA. WHOA WHAT’S UP? DEBRA: I’LL TELL YOU ONE THING, YOU’RE TAKING THE KIDS THIS AFTERNOON, BECAUSE I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE FOR A WHILE RAY: WHAT, NO. THE KIDS? WHA-WHA–NOW, WAIT A MINUTE DEBRA: WHAT? WHAT, RAY? WHAT? WHAT? RAY: I TOLD YOU THE GUYS ARE COMING OVER TODAY TO WATCH THE MASTER’S DON’T–DON’T YOU REMEMBER LITTLE PRETTY WOMAN? DEBRA: YEAH, WHATEVER, RAY MIND IF I GET DRESSED NOW? RAY: NO, NO, NO, GO AHEAD DEBRA: THANK YOU MIGHT BE A WHILE BECAUSE I’LL PROBABLY HAVE TO SQUEEGEE THE BEDROOM KEEP AN EYE ON THE KIDS THERE’S A PICTURE OVER HERE IN CASE YOU FORGOT WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE PHIL: SHE EXITS RAY SITS, A LITTLE STUNNED RAY: WHAT THE PHIL: RAY COUNTS OFF SOMETHING IN HIS HEAD, THEN HE GETS UP AND LOOKS AT THE CALENDAR ON THE FRIDGE RAY: OH. OHH IT’S THAT TIME ALREADY? HMM. AND I GOT TO GO TO THE DENTIST UGH, THIS IS A BAD WEEK PHIL: RAY SHAKES HIS HEAD AND WE CUT TO OUR OPENING CREDITS [PHIL HUMMING “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” THEME SONG] RAY: OK, WE GET IT [PHIL CONTINUES] EVERYBODY! OK. DEBRA’S AT THE SINK RAY ENTERS CARRYING TWO LARGE NEMO’S BAGS, AS WELL AS A BAG FROM THE DRUG STORE RAY: HEY, BANJOPANTS DEBRA: HI RAY: I HOPE YOU’RE IN THE MOOD FOR ITALIAN AND I DON’T MEAN JUST ME, HEH, ‘CAUSE I’VE GOT A BIG BAG OF NEMO’S TAKE-OUT RIGHT HERE DEBRA: OH RAY: WHAT? WHAT? I STOPPED BY THERE I GOT SOME DINNER FOR US I EVEN GOT SOME AFTER DINNER MINTS, WHICH FOR YOUR SAKE, I’VE ALREADY DIPPED INTO DEBRA: WELL, I ALREADY STARTED DINNER SO WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL FIRST? RAY: WHO KNOWS? SURPRISE LOOK, GARLIC BREAD DEBRA: WELL, I ALREADY MADE SALAD AND COOKED THE RICE BUT FORGET IT, WE’LL EAT YOUR STUFF PHIL: DEBRA TURNS BACK TO THE STOVE AND SHUTS OFF THE BURNERS SHE THEN TAKES A POT OF RICE OVER TO THE SINK, DUMPS IT OUT, AND STARTS FILLING IT AGAIN TO CLEAN IT WHILE THE WATER RUNS, SHE STARES DEJECTEDLY INTO THE SINK RAY WATCHES HER FOR A BEAT, THEN HE WALKS OVER TO HER RAY: LISTEN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DEBRA: YEAH, YEAH IT’S FINE. I’M SORRY I’M SORRY THANKS FOR DINNER [SIGHS] RAY: NO, HEY, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT I KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW THERE’S A LOT OF STUFF’S GOING ON FEMININ-ALLY AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT I UNDERSTAND THAT IT’S A LITTLE LIKE–LIKE JEKYLL AND HYDE, ONLY MORE…HYDE IF THAT’S THE BAD ONE IT’S HYDE, RIGHT? OK, WELL LOOK, WHOEVER IT IS, I KNOW IT’S NOT YOU YELLING AT MY FRIENDS FOR MAKING A MESS AND GETTING ALL CRAZY ABOUT THE CLOTHES ON THE HAMPER I KNOW THAT THAT’S NOT YOU THAT’S–THAT’S HYDE IF HE’S THE BAD ONE SO LISTEN, WHEN I WAS OUT TODAY, I GOT YOU THIS PHIL: RAY SHOWS HER A SMALL WHITE BOX DEBRA STARES AT IT, THEN AT HIM RAY: OK, I REALLY–I WANT YOU TO FEEL BETTER, AND THIS SHOULD– THIS SHOULD TAKE CARE OF ALL YOUR…SYMPTOMS

PHIL: DEBRA TAKES THE BOTTLE AND READS THE LABEL TO HERSELF DEBRA: HMM EXCEPT FOR BITCHY RIGHT, RAY? RAY: UH, WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DEBRA: I MEAN, THERE’S NOTHING IN HERE FOR BITCHY RAY: OH YOU PROBABLY NEED A PRESCRIPTION FOR BITCHY DEBRA: THIS IS JUST LIKE YOU, RAY JUST WHEN I THINK YOU CAN’T BE ANY MORE INSENSITIVE, YOU RISE TO THE OCCASION PHIL: ACT TWO SO THIS IS LATER THAT NIGHT SHE HAS STORMED OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND SHE HAS NOT COME BACK FOR A LONG TIME, LEAVING RAY TO TEND TO THE HOUSE AND THE 3 CHILDREN SO WE’RE IN RAY AND DEBRA’S BEDROOM LATER THAT NIGHT RAY LAYS IN BED EXHAUSTED HE’S IN A BAD MOOD HE’S FLIPPING THE TV CHANNEL AFTER A FEW MOMENTS, DEBRA ENTERS SEEMINGLY FINE, BACK FROM A NIGHT OUT DEBRA: HI PHIL: SHE PUTS HER THINGS DOWN AND PUTTERS AROUND THE ROOM AS RAY STARES AT HER HE’S INDIGNANT RAY: OH, YOU’RE HOME DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME? DEBRA: YEAH RAY: HMM. WHAT DID YOU DO? DEBRA: I TOLD YOU. I WENT SHOPPING WITH AMY RAY: SHOPPING. HMM. FOR 5 HOURS WHERE ARE YOUR “SHOPPING BAGS”? DEBRA: OH, I DIDN’T BUY ANYTHING YOU KNOW, WE WALKED AROUND, THEN WE WENT BACK TO HER PLACE AND HAD DINNER, SAT AROUND TALKING AND RELAXING RAY: OH, OH, WALKING AROUND, SITTING AROUND, TALKING, AND RELAXING WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR MY EVENING? ‘CAUSE I HAD A BLAST, TOO I MADE ALL THE KIDS DINNER, PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY THEN I GAVE ‘EM A BATH, ‘CAUSE THEY WERE COVERED IN PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY AND THEN I COULDN’T FIND THE TOWELS, SO I HAD TO DRY ‘EM OFF WITH PAPER TOWELS AND THEN I WAS MEAN BECAUSE I WOULDN’T LET THEM SLEEP IN A TREE HOUSE, AND THEN THEY WENT TO BED SCREAMING OK, SO THAT WAS MY EVENING DEBRA: [LAUGHS] OH, WELL, THAT’S MY EVENING EVERY NIGHT RAY: ALL RIGHT, DON’T EVEN DON’T EVEN YOU JUST WANTED ME TO SUFFER TONIGHT DEBRA: WHAT? RAY: YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT IT’S–IT’S NOT FAIR IT’S NOT FAIR THAT YOU JUST WALKED OUT AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND, LET’S JUST SAY IT, USE YOUR “LADIES’ DAYS” AS AN EXCUSE TO TREAT ME ROTTEN EVERY DAY PHIL: A MOMENT RAY HOLDS HIS GAZE THAT’S RIGHT, HE SAID IT DEBRA: MY NEEDING TO GET OUT OF HERE ONCE IN A WHILE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY LADIES’ DAYS PHIL: RAY THINKS VERY CAREFULLY ABOUT WHAT HE WILL SAY NEXT THEN RAY: BULL-LONEY [LAUGHTER] DEBRA: AHEM. WHAT? RAY: BALONEY! YOU WANNA SEE? I DON’T CARE ANYMORE! I TRY TO BE NICE TO YOU YOU KNOW WHAT? IT DOESN’T WORK PHIL: GRABS THE CALENDAR RAY: HERE! SEE THIS DATE? THIS IS TODAY, AND LOOK, HERE’S LAST MONTH OH, WHAT A COINCIDENCE THAT ON THE SAME DAY LAST MONTH, I FOUND MY GOLF CLUBS UPSIDE DOWN IN THE GARBAGE CAN I’M TELLING YOU NOW, I’M TIRED OF THIS EVERY MONTH, THE SAME WACKO SCREAMIN’ AT ME FOR NO REASON, HAVING MELTDOWNS, CRYING AT NOTHING, AND YOU NEVER ADMIT WHAT IT IS! AND GOD FORBID I SHOULD MENTION THAT MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM YOU KNOW WHAT I’M THINKING? I THINK YOU ENJOY YOUR LADIES’ DAYS BECAUSE YOU THINK I DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS “OH, GOOD, LOOK WHAT DAY IT IS. HI. WHERE’S RAY? “POW! POW! POW! POW! I’VE BEEN SAVING THAT UP.” AND THEN, AFTER A COUPLE DAYS OF THAT, “OH, SORRY, I GUESS I WAS A LITTLE, YOU KNOW.” AND BY THE WAY, THE NEXT TIME I USED THOSE GOLF CLUBS, I SHOT A 110 SO DON’T THINK I DON’T KNOW YOU DIDN’T PUT A CURSE ON THEM DEBRA: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND RAY: NO, NO, YOU ARE! ONCE A MONTH! IF WHAT I SAID ISN’T TRUE, THEN HOW COME YOU DON’T TREAT ME LIKE THAT ALL THE OTHER DAYS? DEBRA: I TREAT YOU FINE, RAY YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS FOR ONE NIGHT RAY: OH, YEAH? YEAH? YEAH? SO YOU DON’T GET CRAZY AT THIS TIME OF THE MONTH? DEBRA: NO RAY: YOU’RE JUST LEVEL-HEADED AND CALM AND YOU NEVER OVERREACT OR TREAT ME MEANLY OR YELL AT ME LIKE A SCREAMING, RAVING MANIAC? DEBRA: NO, I DO NOT PHIL: RAY PULLS OUT A SMALL, PERSONAL TAPE RECORDER RAY: HMM OK 4:38 TODAY, AFTER THE GUYS WENT HOME PHIL: HE HITS PLAY ON THE TAPE RECORDER DEBRA: I TOLD YOU 8 MILLION TIMES, WHEN YOU EMPTY THE DRYER, YOU CLEAN THE LINT SCREEN! LOOK AT ALL THIS LINT WHAT, DO YOU LIKE LINT, RAY?

MAYBE I’LL GET YOU SOME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RAY HERE’S YOUR LINT!” PHIL: RAY SHUTS OFF THE TAPE RECORDER DEBRA JUST STARES AT HIM RAY SHRUGS SHE KEEPS STARING AT HIM RAY: I JUST–I–YOU KNOW, THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO HEAR HOW YOU SOUND WHEN– YOU’RE LIKE THIS DEBRA: [SOBBING] YOU ARE A GIGANTIC ASS! PHIL: SHE RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM A MOMENT. RAY TALKS INTO THE TAPE RECORDER RAY: 10:32 “GIGANTIC ASS.” [LAUGHTER] PHIL: AND AS RAY HEADS OUT AFTER HER, WE CUT TO KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM A FEW MOMENTS LATER DEBRA’S AT THE SINK, AND SHE’S CRYING RAY ENTERS DEBRA: [SNIFFLES] RAY: HEY. LISTEN, I’M SORRY I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HEAR A TAPE OF MYSELF I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST HEARD MY RADIO INTERVIEW FIRST OF ALL, I SOUNDED LIKE SNUFFLEUPAGUS I SAID, “DO I REALLY SOUND LIKE THAT?” AND THEN ANDY SAID TO ME– DEBRA: WOULD YOU STOP?! I AM NOT CRYING BECAUSE OF WHAT I SOUND LIKE, RAY I’M CRYING BECAUSE I’M MARRIED TO AN INSENSITIVE DURFWAD WHO, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER FOR HIS WIFE, TAPE RECORDS HER SO HE CAN HAVE PROOF SHE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON! RAY: WHAT’S A DURFWAD? DEBRA: WHAT, WERE YOU GONNA PLAY THAT TAPE FOR THE GUYS? “COME ON IN, FELLAS, STEP RIGHT UP AND HEAR THE WITCH WHO KILLED MY GOOD TIME.” RAY: NO, NO. IT’S JUST FOR US PHIL: HE’S BACKING INTO THE LIVING ROOM DEBRA: WHERE’S MY TAPE RECORDER, RAY? HUH? HUH? WHERE WAS MY TAPE RECORDER WHEN I WAS IN LABOR WITH TWINS FOR 36 HOURS AND YOU ASKED THE NURSE IF THE TV GOT ESPN?! RAY: WELL, I MEAN, 36 HOURS, IT’S NOT A SHORT TIME DEBRA: GUESS WHAT, IT’S EVEN LONGER WHEN YOU’RE PUSHING TWO HUMAN BEINGS OUT OF YOUR BODY WHILE YOUR HUSBAND’S GOING, “DOES THIS HOSPITAL HAVE FUDGESICLES?” PHIL: RAY FLIPS OVER THE ARM OF THE SOFA AND ONTO THE FLOOR DEBRA: WHERE WAS MY TAPE RECORDER?! OR WHEN YOU ASKED WHY I GET UPSET WHEN I FIND YOUR UNDERPANTS IN THE KITCHEN? OR WHEN YOU STARTED SNORING DURING MY GRANDMOTHER’S FUNERAL? OR WHEN YOU TAPED A FOOTBALL OVER OUR WEDDING VIDEO? RAY: DO YOU REALLY NEED A TAPE RECORDER, BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING DEBRA: THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S RIGHT I REMEMBER, AND I’M NOT GONNA FORGET, EITHER RAY: OK, HONEY, LISTEN, I THINK YOU MAKE SOME EXCELLENT POINTS HERE, BUT I WAS JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE PART OF THE REASON YOU’RE SO UPSET RIGHT NOW MIGHT POSSIBLY BE PMS-RELATED? DEBRA: WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A TAPE RECORDER?! BECAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT YOU JUST SAID RAY: WELL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! DEBRA: NO KIDDING! IF I HAD PMS, AND I’M NOT SAYING THAT I DO, IS THIS HOW YOU HELP ME? BY TAPING ME? BY TELLING ME I HAVE PMS?! THAT DOESN’T HELP ME, RAY! THAT DOESN’T HELP ME! [CLANG] [LAUGHTER] PHIL: LEAVE IT IN! PATTY: I’M VERY EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW PHIL: LEAVE IT IN, IT’S GOOD THAT’S RIGHT WHEN YOU PUSH HIM UP AGAINST THE BOOKCASE RAY: WHAT SHOULD I DO? PATTY: YES, OK RAY: WHAT DO I DO? DRAW ME A PICTURE! DEBRA: DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU TO TRY GIVING ME A HUG? RAY: A HUG? DEBRA: YES, A HUG! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GIVE ME A HUG, YOU JERK?! RAY: WELL, YOU KNOW, IT’S A LITTLE DIFFICULT TO HUG TO SOMEONE WHO’S TRYING TO KILL YOU DEBRA: WELL, YOU WOULDN’T KNOW, WOULD YOU, RAY, BECAUSE YOU NEVER EVEN TRIED! RAY: WELL, I’M SORRY, BUT THIS IS NOT HUGGABLE! THIS IS–THIS IS NOT DEBRA! THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO SHOWS UP ONCE A MONTH TO RIP INTO ME LIKE A MONKEY ON A CUPCAKE THAT’S THE ONLY REASON I TAPED YOU, SO YOU COULD HEAR THAT, AND MAYBE ADMIT THAT THERE MIGHT BE A PROBLEM THAT WASN’T JUST ME BEING A DORKWANG OR WHATEVER! PHIL: THE PHONE RINGS DEBRA PICKS IT UP DEBRA: HELLO? OH, HI, AMY. YEAH YEAH. [LAUGHS] YOU WENT BACK FOR THAT DRESS? WAIT, HOW MUCH WAS IT? OH, MY GOD! [LAUGHS] YOU ARE BAD YOU’RE REALLY BAD PHIL: RAY STARES AT HER HE’S STILL BREATHING HEAVILY DEBRA: RIGHT? RIGHT RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. YEAH OH, ME, TOO. ME, TOO OK. ALL RIGHT, I’LL CALL YOU TOMORROW OK, BYE-BYE. [LAUGHS] PHIL: DEBRA HANGS UP AND STARTS STRAIGHTENING THE LIVING ROOM A LONG MOMENT AS RAY WATCHES HER, MYSTIFIED RAY: UH, FEELING BETTER? DEBRA: SHE IS SO FUNNY RAY: YEAH, YEAH, SHE IS CAN I GET HER NUMBER FOR SPEED DIAL? DEBRA: [LAUGHS] PHIL: DEBRA LAUGHS, THEN SHE STOPS AND CROSSES OVER TO RAY DEBRA: I’M SORRY, RAY

[SIGHS] MAYBE I AM A LITTLE, YOU KNOW RAY: WELL, I WASN’T GONNA SAY ANYTHING, BUT DEBRA: LISTEN I DON’T MEAN TO BE SO HARD ON YOU RAY: I KNOW DEBRA: HERE COME HERE. SIT RAY: OH. IT’S OK DEBRA: NO, NO, COME ON OK? RAY, COME ON I JUST NEED A LITTLE UNDERSTANDING, YOU KNOW? A LITTLE CARING I JUST NEED YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE, LIKE, IF I’M GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME, YOU’RE THERE FOR ME, AND THAT YOU WANT TO, YOU KNOW, JUST TAKE CARE OF ME RAY: WELL, I…I DO WANT TO YOU’RE MY GIRL DEBRA, SOBBING: I LOVE YOU, RAY RAY: OH, MAN YOU ARE A MESS DEBRA: [LAUGHS] I KNOW PHIL: HE PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER RAY: HEY, YOU WANT TO– YOU WANT TO JUST TRY THOSE PILLS I GOT FOR YOU TODAY? I, REALLY–I JUST– I WANT YOU TO FEEL BETTER DEBRA: I KNOW, BUT I DO JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT NO PILL IS GOING TO SOLVE EVERYTHING RAY: NO, I KNOW, I KNOW I KNOW DEBRA: I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT GOES ON IN HERE? RAY: LET ME JUST– DEBRA: I MEAN, YES, YES, THERE’S ALL THESE FEELINGS AND THINGS GOING ON, BUT I NEED YOU TO JUST RAY: I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW BELIEVE ME, I’M VERY– I’M INTO ALL OF IT LET ME GET THE PILLS PHIL: RAY RUNS INTO THE KITCHEN, GRABS THE PILLS, OPENS THE FRIDGE, GRABS A SODA, RUNS BACK AND PLOPS BACK DOWN NEXT TO DEBRA SHE WATCHES HIM AS HE TAKES THE CAP OFF, STRUGGLES WITH THE FOIL COVER, GRABS THE PHONE AND POKES THROUGH THE FOIL WITH THE ANTENNAE HE RIPS OUT THE COTTON, CHUCKS IT, AND TAKES OUT A COUPLE OF PILLS RAY: HERE YOU GO IT’S OK. IT’S OK SEE, IT’S, UM, FOR BLOATING, CRAMPS, AND, LOOK, LOOK, IRRITABILITY, ASSOCIATED WITH PMS AH, WE HAVE A WINNER HERE YOU GO IT’S GREAT–GREAT WITH GINGER ALE PHIL: SHE JUST STARES AT HIM RAY: HERE WE GO HEEEERE WE GO PHIL: HE HOLDS THE PILLS IN HIS HAND, AS IF TRYING TO COAX A GOAT RAY: HERE WE GO. HUH? PHIL: DEBRA SMACKS HIS HAND, SENDING THE PILLS FLYING RAY: WHAT? WHAT? DEBRA: WHY DON’T YOU JUST LOCK ME AWAY IN THE ATTIC FOR A FEW DAYS? PHIL: RAY STAMMERS, THEN HE HUGS HER DEBRA: GET OFF OF ME! PHIL: SHE PUSHES HIM AWAY AND HEADS FOR THE STAIRS RAY: YOU SAID, “HUG ME!” THAT WAS YOUR IDEA, THE HUG! HEY! PHIL: DEBRA EXITS RAY IS LEFT CONFUSED AND ALONE ON THE COUCH A MOMENT HE PICKS UP THE PILL BOTTLE RAY: I SHOULD HAVE PUT IT IN HER APPLE SAUCE [LAUGHTER] STILL GOT IT! PHIL: AND THAT’S THE END NOW, THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW THE EPISODE SAY, “THAT’S NOT THE LAST LINE,” BECAUSE THIS WAS NOT THE AS-BROADCAST SCRIPT RAY: OH, WHAT WAS IT? PHIL: IT WAS A LINE THAT CALLED BACK TO ONE OF PETER’S LINES FROM ACT ONE WHEN HE WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH MARIE AND PMS AND HE SAID THAT SHE STARTS IN A MOOD, AND THEN IT LASTS A FEW DAYS, AND SOON IT’S A FEW WEEKS, AND SOON THAT MOOD IS HER ONLY MOOD AND I JUST PRAY FOR A COMET TO COME STREAKING DOWN TO EARTH AND BRING ME SWEET RELIEF, RIGHT? PATTY: YES RAY: RIGHT PHIL: SO YOUR LAST LINE HERE WAS A CALLBACK AND IT WAS RAY: SOMETHING ABOUT THE COMET PHIL: COME ON, COMET RAY: COME ON, COMET HA HA HA! PHIL: THAT’S IT RAY: HEY, UM PHIL: SO THANK YOU, PETER BRAD: WOW RAY: WAIT A MINUTE SO WHO PUT THIS LINE IN? PHIL: THIS WAS PROBABLY IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT THAT WE WROTE, AND WE PROBABLY CHANGED IT UP MAYBE ON SHOOT NIGHT TO MAKE IT A CALLBACK WHEN WE REALIZED THE REACTION THAT PETER BOYLE GOT SAYING THE LINE THE FIRST TIME RAY: OH, GOT IT PHIL: WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO CALL BACK TO WHAT HE SAID? WE DID THAT OFTEN AND RAYMOND, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW, WAS ALSO A WRITER ON THE SHOW AND WAS A MASTER AT WHAT WE CALL TAKE TWOS RAY: [LAUGHS] PHIL: USUALLY HE DID IT JUST TO MAKE THESE OTHER GUYS CRACK UP MONICA, DO YOU LIKE HEARING THAT EPISODE? MONICA: YOU KNOW, CAN I TELL, WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT– ‘CAUSE I DIDN’T READ IT IN ADVANCE OR ANYTHING– AND I REMEMBER, I WAS SHOOTING AN EPISODE, I WAS IN THE MAKEUP CHAIR, AND THEY WERE SCREENING THAT FOR THE AUDIENCE AND I STARTED HEARING THESE LINES COME OUT OF PATTY’S MOUTH AND RAY’S MOUTH, AND THAT WAS–A LOT OF IT WAS VERBATIM ISN’T THAT SAD? THAT WAS–THAT WAS A REAL– THAT WAS A LOT LIFTED FROM A REAL CONVERSATION SO IT REALLY–I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS WHEN I HEAR IT PLUS, YOU’RE HILARIOUS YOU GUYS ARE SO FUNNY BRAD: HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH PMS NOW, MONICA? MONICA: OH, I’M POST-MENOPAUSAL BRAD: OH, FABULOUS SO NO PILLS MONICA: I ENJOY–YES, IT’S A BLESSING PHIL: NOW IT’S HER ONLY MOOD

MONICA: [LAUGHS] PHIL: ALL RIGHT, MOVING ON, PEOPLE. MOVING ON RAY: WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK STICK AROUND I’M SO HAPPY TO ADD MY VOICE TO THE EFFORTS OF LORAINE TO RAISE MONEY TO FIGHT MULTIPLE MYELOMA PETER BOYLE, OF COURSE, DIED OF MULTIPLE MYELOMA I’M STILL LIVING WITH IT, BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS BECAUSE OF THE WORK OF PEOPLE LIKE LORAINE, THEY’RE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS, AND WHAT BETTER NAME TO ATTACH TO IT THAN THE GREAT PETER BOYLE? SO I’M VERY PLEASED TO BE PART OF ALL OF THIS AND WITH YOU UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES GREETINGS MY NAME IS DAPHNE LEE, AND I’M A PROFESSIONAL BALLERINA WITH THE DANCE THEATRE OF HARLEM RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK CITY I HAVE A PERSONAL CONNECTION TO THE IMF BECAUSE OF MY MOTHER UNFORTUNATELY, SHE PASSED AWAY JANUARY THIS YEAR, BUT THE IMF SUPPORTED HER IN SO MANY UNIQUE WAYS AND IT BEING THEIR 30th ANNIVERSARY, I CONGRATULATE THE ORGANIZATION, BECAUSE A CURE IS IN THE WORKS, AND I’M SO EXCITED TO KNOW THAT THEY STAND BY THEIR CAREGIVERS AND THEY STAND BY THEIR PATIENTS THIS IS WHY IT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO VISIT CHARITYBUZZ.COM/IMF TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY I’M SO EXCITED TO BE A PART OF THIS ORGANIZATION, AND I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE ALL OF YOU WHEN WE RETURN TOGETHER AS ONE NEXT YEAR THANK YOU HI, MY NAME IS JEN CURRAN YOU MIGHT REMEMBER ME FROM LAST YEAR’S IMF EVENT I HAD JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH MULTIPLE MYELOMA AT THE TIME, AND I HAD A 4-MONTH-OLD BABY BUT TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE UPDATE, THE LAST YEAR HAS BEEN SO GREAT I FEEL GOOD, MY CANCER NUMBERS ARE ALL DOWN, AND MY BABY IS NOW A TODDLER SHE’S WALKING AND TALKING, AND WE’RE REALLY LUCKY AND I ALSO WANTED TO JUST REMIND EVERYONE HOW IMPORTANT FUNDING THE RESEARCH FOR A CURE FOR MULTIPLE MYELOMA TRULY IS THEY’RE WORKING HARD EVERY DAY TO FIND A CURE FOR THIS, AND EVERY LITTLE BIT WE CAN CONTRIBUTE HELPS SO THANK YOU FOR BEING PART OF THIS, AND I’LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR [“EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” THEME SONG PLAYING] RAY: RIGHT NOW, PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND TEXT “COMEDY” TO 41444, OR YOU CAN SCAN THIS STRANGE LITTLE SQUARE THINGY WITH YOUR PHONE CAMERA AND CLICK THE LINK IN THE REPLY MESSAGE TO DONATE OVER THE PHONE PHIL: ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW WE’RE GOING TO SCRIPT FROM SEASON 5 THIS SHOW IS CALLED “MEANT TO BE.” AND IT WAS WRITTEN BY JENNIFER CRITTENDON AND KATHY ANNE STUMPE AND HERE’S THE TEASER WE’RE IN RAY AND DEBRA’S KITCHEN DEBRA’S AT THE COUNTER WITH HER KNIFE SHE’S PREPARING TO CUT A SANDWICH RAY ENTERS RAY: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, DON’T CUT THE SANDWICH THAT WAY, I WANT IT DIAGONAL NO, NO, NO, GO AHEAD, YOU KNOW, CUT IT STRAIGHT NO, NO, DIAGONAL WAIT A MINUTE, DON’T EVEN CUT IT I WANNA TRY SOMETHING DEBRA: WHY DON’T YOU TRY MAKING YOUR OWN SANDWICH, BECAUSE THIS ONE IS FOR ME PHIL: ROB ENTERS, MOPILY, HOLDING A POSTCARD THEY SAY HELLO HE SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE AND SIGHS MOURNFULLY DEBRA: OH, IS SOMETHING WRONG, ROBERT? ROBERT: I GOT THIS IN THE MAIL TODAY FROM STEFANIA PHIL: HE HOLDS UP THE POSTCARD [LAUGHTER] DEBRA: IS THAT A LIP PRINT? ROBERT: SHE SENT ME A KISS IN THE MAIL DEBRA: [GASPS] RAY: IT’S ALL SMUDGED ROBERT: WELL, YOU KNOW, IT CAME ALL THE WAY FROM ITALY RAY: YOU’VE BEEN KISSING HER LIP PRINT, HAVEN’T YOU? ROBERT: NO, I HAVEN’T RAY: YES, YOU HAVE YOU’VE BEEN KISSING IT, MAN YOU’VE BEEN ALL OVER THIS THING ROBERT: NO, LEAVE ME ALONE IT’S MY POSTCARD PHIL: ROB GRABS THE POSTCARD ROBERT: I MISS HER I JUST…I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING I SET MYSELF UP FOR HEARTACHE SHE’S THERE AND I’M HERE DEBRA: YES, YOU’RE HERE AND SO IS AMY, YOUR GIRLFRIEND ROBERT: YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW AND I LOVE AMY I JUST…I MEAN, STEFANIA WAS SO DEBRA: [SIGHS] ROBERT: BUT SHE WASN’T AMY AMY ROCKS DEBRA: OH, I SEE THAT’S NICE SO, I GUESS IF RAY THOUGHT I ROCKED, HE’D GO TO ITALY AND HOOK UP WITH A STRANGER RAY: [LAUGHS] NO. NO PHIL: DEBRA EXITS, DISGUSTED RAY PICKS UP HIS HALF A SANDWICH RAY: YOU WANT A HALF A SANDWICH?

PHIL: WE’RE GOING TO THE “B” SCENE OR THE “A” SCENE? RAY: YEAH, “B” SCENE PHIL: “B” SCENE RAY: THAT ONE’S SCENE “B.” PHIL: WE’RE IN NEMO’S PIZZERIA PATTY: AND WHO’S READING SUZY? PHIL: I WILL READ SUZY PATTY: ALL RIGHT PHIL: LATER THAT NIGHT, SUZI, THE WAITRESS, IS PUTTING THE LEFTOVER PIZZA IN A BOX ROBERT AND AMY ARE AT THE END OF A MEAL THEY SIT ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE BOOTH AND DRINK CHIANTI ROBERT: THE PIZZA WAS TO YOUR LIKING? AMY: MMM. IT WAS PERFECT PHIL: POURS SOME MORE WINE ROBERT: YOU’RE PERFECT PHIL: ROBERT REACHES FOR THE WINE OVER THE BURNING CANDLE AND BURNS HIMSELF ROBERT: AAH! AMY: AHH! OH, ROBERT, ARE YOU OK? HERE PHIL: SHE TAKES AN ICE CUBE FROM HER WATER AND TENDS TO HIS HAND ROBERT: THANKS I’M FINE PHIL: SUZY COMES OVER WHO’S BURNING FUR? SHE CROSSES OFF ROBERT: SORRY AHH SO, AMY, LISTEN I THINK, UM, I THINK WE’RE GOOD TOGETHER, DON’T YOU? AMY: YES ROBERT: I MEAN, WE MAKE A GOOD COUPLE, RIGHT? AMY: YES ROBERT: SO, I JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT US–TALK ABOUT US BEING TOGETHER AMY: I’M LISTENING PHIL: AMY SNUGGLES IN CLOSER ROBERT: I THINK WE’RE MEANT TO BE AND THAT’S WHY IT’S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT JOANNE AMY: JOANNE? ROBERT: WELL, YEAH WE’VE SPOKEN, AND I THINK SHE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER AND HONESTLY, FOR A WHILE, I WASN’T SURE WHAT I WANTED BUT I’VE DECIDED THAT YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT TO BE WITH AMY: YOU WERE TALKING TO JOANNE ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER? ROBERT: WELL, YES, WE WERE TALKING, AND I WAS THINKING, BUT NOW I– AMY: SO, YOU WERE TALKING TO JOANNE ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER? FOR HOW LONG SWEETIE? ROBERT: I DON’T KNOW, BEFORE ITALY BUT, UH, SEE, THAT’S WHY I’M TELLING YOU THIS I WANT TO BE HONEST, BECAUSE I THINK YOU AND I ARE MEANT TO BE AMY: MEANT TO BE ROBERT: DON’T YOU THINK? AMY: LET ME SEE YOU’VE BEEN TALKING WITH YOUR EX-WIFE FOR OVER A MONTH, BEHIND MY BACK, AND THEN– ROBERT: WELL, WELL, WELL, SEE, I DON’T THINK YOU’RE FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE PART OF THE STORY AMY: OH, BUT I AM, ROBERT I’M HAPPY I MEAN, THIS IS ALL SUCH WONDERFUL NEWS YOU’VE BEEN DECEITFUL AND YOU’RE SETTLING FOR ME BUT HEY, BEFORE I GET REALLY, REALLY HAPPY, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH ME? ROBERT: NO AMY: WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD GET MUCH MORE HAPPY! ROBERT: I JUST WAS– AMY: AND THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER FABULOUS EVENING! PHIL: AMY SQUEEZES PAST AND OVER ROBERT TO GET OUT OF THE BOOTH SHE STARTS TO GO, TURNS BACK, PUTS THE LEFTOVER PIZZA SLICES ON A NAPKIN AMY: TONIGHT, I’M TAKING THE LEFTOVERS I’LL BE AT THE OFFICE TOMORROW IF ANYONE WANTS TO SEND ME FLOWERS PHIL: AMY STORMS OUT, AS SUZY CROSSES IN ROBERT: WE SHOULD CANCEL THE SPUMONI PHIL: AND WE DISSOLVE TO SCENE “C,” RAY AND DEBRA’S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM LATER THAT NIGHT RAY’S EATING DINNER DEBRA IS AT THE SINK RAY TAKES A BITE OF MEATLOAF IT IS NOT AS DELIGHTFUL AS IT SHOULD BE HE PUTS THE BITE BACK ON HIS FORK DEBRA: HOW’S THE MEATLOAF? RAY: IT’S DELICIOUS REALLY GOOD REALLY, REALLY GOOD PHIL: AMY ENTERS, ANGRY, WITH THE PIZZA AMY: YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW YOUR BROTHER! [SIGHS] HE’S SUCH A CHILD PHIL: AMY PUTS THE PIZZA DOWN NEXT TO RAY HE FREEZES IN MID-BITE, LASCIVIOUSLY EYEING THE PIZZA AMY: DO MEN EVER STOP BEING STUPID? DEBRA: NO AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR PIZZA AMY: OH, I DON’T CARE PHIL: AMY CROSSES INTO THE LIVING ROOM DEBRA FOLLOWS, FLICKING RAY IN THE HEAD AS SHE GOES A SMALL PRICE TO PAY, RAY ATTACKS THE PIZZA IN THE LIVING ROOM, AMY PACES BACK AND FORTH DEBRA: ROBERT TOLD YOU AMY: YOU KNEW? DEBRA: I’M SORRY

AMY: [SIGHS] HE’S HORRIBLE AND HE EXPECTS ME TO BE GRATEFUL BECAUSE HE TOLD ME WHEN HE DIDN’T HAVE TO! DEBRA: UNBELIEVABLE AMY: HE’S ACTING LIKE HE HAS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR DEBRA: AND JUST BECAUSE HE WAS ON VACATION, THAT IS NO EXCUSE AMY: VACATION? HE TOOK JOANNE ON VACATION? DEBRA: NO, STEFANIA AMY: WHO? DEBRA: WHAT? [LAUGHTER] AMY: WHO’S STEFANIA? DEBRA: UH…WAIT, WHAT? WHO? WHO’S WHAT? WHO? WHAT WAS THAT NAME YOU SAID? OH, MY GOD, YOUR HAIR OH, I LOVE YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT PHIL: RAY CROSSES IN RAY: SO, THERE’S JUST THE TWO SLICES? DEBRA: DOESN’T HER HAIR LOOK GREAT, RAY? RAY: I DON’T KNOW PHIL: ROBERT ENTERS ROBERT: OH, GOOD, AMY, YOU’RE HERE I NEED YOUR OFFICE ADDRESS AMY: WHO THE HELL IS STEFANIA?! PHIL: ROBERT FREEZES ROBERT: UH, UH UH, UH AMY: UH, UH, UH, UH, WHAT? ROBERT: UH, UH AMY: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GIRL’S NAME A GIRL YOU MET IN ITALY? ROBERT: UH AMY: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER IN ITALY? ROBERT: VERY LITTLE PHIL: AMY STANDS ON THE COUCH TO BE FACE TO FACE WITH ROBERT AND SLAPS HIM ROBERT: I’M SORRY PHIL: AMY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY SHE STEPS DOWN FROM THE COUCH, BUT THEN GETS BACK UP AND SLAPS ROBERT AGAIN AMY: I SAVED MYSELF FOR YOU! ROBERT: REALLY SORRY AMY: GOOD-BYE, ROBERT PHIL: AMY USES ROBERT TO STEADY HERSELF AS SHE GETS OFF THE COUCH AND AS SHE EXITS ROBERT: BUT WE’RE–WE’RE MEANT TO BE RAY: SO WHEN SHE GOT UP ON THE COUCH THE SECOND TIME, WHAT DID YOU THINK SHE WAS GOING TO DO? PHIL: AND WE FADE OUT END OF ACT ONE RAY: YAY! PHIL: ACT TWO, SCENE “D.” FADE INTO RAY AND DEBRA’S LIVING ROOM, CONTINUOUS WE ARE RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT THEM EVERYONE IS STUNNED AT WHAT AMY DID RAY: WOW, SHE REALLY NAILED YOU WAS SHE WEARING A RING? ROBERT: OUR FRIENDSHIP RING RAY: IRONIC ROBERT: COULD I HAVE SOME FROZEN BABY PEAS, DEB? DEBRA: YOU KNOW WHAT, ROBERT? GET YOUR OWN DAMN PEAS PHIL: SHE TURNS TO GO ROBERT: WAIT, YOU’RE MAD AT ME? WHAT DID I DO? DEBRA: WHAT DID YOU DO? ROBERT: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD AMY ABOUT STEFANIA YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO ME PHIL: DEBRA STOPS, STARING DAGGERS AT ROBERT RAY BACKS OVER THE COUCH DEBRA SLOWLY WALKS TOWARD ROBERT DEBRA: AND WHAT YOU SHOULD’VE DONE WAS TELL AMY THE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING OR HOW ABOUT THIS, EVEN–EVEN BETTER, NOT BE SUCH A PIG IN THE FIRST PLACE! ROBERT: THAT’S THE WORST APOLOGY I’VE EVER GOTTEN DEBRA: WHY WOULD YOU GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP? HUH? YOU THINK JUGGLING 3 WOMEN AT A TIME MAKES YOU COOL? PHIL: ROBERT TURNS TO RAY FOR HELP DEBRA TURNS TO RAY TO SEE WHAT HE’S GOING TO SAY RAY: UNCOOL DEBRA: IF THAT’S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, YOU’RE PATHETIC AND YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE WITH ANYONE PHIL: AND SHE STARTS TO WALK AWAY ROBERT: YEAH, YEAH, EASY FOR YOU TO SAY PHIL: DEBRA STOPS AND TURNS AROUND TO FACE ROBERT, EVEN MORE INTENSE THAN BEFORE DEBRA: WHAT WAS THAT? RAY: LAY DOWN, PLAY DEAD ROBERT: WE ALL KNOW ABOUT YOU YOU…YOU WERE POPULAR, YOU JUGGLED GUYS ALL THE TIME HOW MANY GUYS ASKED YOU TO YOUR PROM, HUH? 5, 6? YOU WANNA KNOW WHO I TOOK TO MY PROM? OUR COUSIN NELLIE RAY: YEAH. HE THREW UP ON HER ROBERT: SOMEBODY SPIKED THE PUNCH! DEBRA: WELL, SORRY THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT WITH YOU AND YOUR COUSIN, BUT THAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL I GREW UP I REALIZED THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS FINDING SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME, WHO’S GOING TO BE THERE FOR ME, SOMEONE I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH PHIL: RAY PUTS AN ARM AROUND DEBRA’S SHOULDER DEBRA: GET OFF OF ME I THOUGHT YOU FELT THAT WAY ABOUT AMY ROBERT: I DID. I DO DEBRA: THEN WHY DID YOU FOOL AROUND WITH STEFANIA? RAY: WELL, DID YOU SEE STEFANIA? [LAUGHTER] PHIL: HE DOES HIS LITTLE “I’M A HOTTIE” POSE, AND THEY STARE AT HIM UNTIL HE STOPS RAY: YEAH, I STOPPED ALREADY DEBRA: WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOU, ROBERT?

YOU’RE NOT ONE OF THOSE SLIMEBALLS WHO’S ONLY INTERESTED IN SCORING WITH CHICKS ROBERT: I COULD BE DEBRA: NO, YOU COULDN’T, OR YOU WOULDN’T HAVE WAITED TWO YEARS FOR AMY TO BE READY I DON’T GET YOU YOU HAD A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU, AND YOU BLEW IT PHIL: SHE EXITS TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM, LEAVING ROBERT AND RAY ALONE AS THIS SINKS IN RAY: HONESTY, HMM? GOOD THINKING PHIL: AND WE’RE GONNA STOP THERE WITH THIS EPISODE VERY NICE I’LL TELL YOU, I LOVE LISTENING TO YOU GUYS I THINK THIS CAST WAS MEANT TO BE RAY: OHH PHIL: SEE WHAT I DID THERE? PATTY: OH, WE SEE PHIL: SEE WHAT I DID? RAY: HE’S TYING IT ALL IN YOU TIED IT ALL IN PHIL: UH RAY: IT’S LIKE WE NEVER LEFT [“EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” THEME SONG PLAYING] RAY: WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK HEY, GUYS. BOY, THESE “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” TABLE READS ARE REALLY, REALLY GOOD AND THE RAYMOND LOOK ALIKE IS KILLING IT THANKS FOR BEING THERE TONIGHT MULTIPLE MYELOMA IS A HORRIBLE DISEASE MY MOTHER CAME DOWN WITH IT AND STRUGGLED WITH IT FOR SEVERAL YEARS UNFORTUNATELY, SHE PASSED AWAY IN APRIL, AND I MISS HER, AND I’M GLAD WE’RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE, AND WE’RE WORKING TO FIND A CURE FOR THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE SO THANKS FOR BEING THERE, AND LET’S KEEP AFTER THIS THANK YOU HELLO, I’M FOREST SHAW, STANDUP COMEDIAN AND FORMER MARINE BIOLOGIST I THROW IN THE BIOLOGY PART SO PEOPLE DON’T THINK I’VE WASTED MY WHOLE LIFE ANYWAYS, I’D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION ON 30 YEARS THAT’S AMAZING AND, YOU KNOW, MY MOM PASSED AWAY IN 2019 FROM MULTIPLE MYELOMA AFTER BATTLING THE DISEASE FOR ALMOST 15 YEARS AND WITHOUT THE IMF, HER STRUGGLE WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT ALREADY WAS SO THANK YOU FOR THAT AND IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, OUT THERE WATCHING THIS, YOU’VE PROBABLY SPENT THE PANDEMIC WASTING A LOT OF MONEY ON AMAZON BUYING THINGS YOU DIDN’T NEED LIKE TACO-SCENTED INCENSE AND COLORING BOOKS FOR YOUR DOG I MEAN, IT’S RIDICULOUS WHO BUYS BOOKS ANYMORE? GIVE YOUR DOG AN iPAD TAKE THE MONEY YOU’D SAVE FROM BUYING THOSE COLORING BOOKS AND GIVE IT TO THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION THEY’RE WORTH IT HI, I’M PETER GALLAGHER PLEASE JOIN US THIS YEAR IN SUPPORTING THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION MYELOMA IS A TERRIBLE CANCER OF THE BONE MARROW PLASMA CELLS AND EVERY YEAR, A BUNCH OF US GET TOGETHER TO RAISE MONEY TO FIND A CURE AND TO CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF OUR DEAR FRIEND AND EXTRAORDINARY ACTOR AND EXTRAORDINARY PERSON, PETER BOYLE SO THIS YEAR, PLEASE JOIN US [“EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” THEME SONG PLAYING] HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY TO THE IMF HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY TO THE IMF HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY TO THE IMF HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY TO THE IMF HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY, IMF FOR 30 YEARS, THE IMF HAS BEEN DEDICATED TO IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF LIFE OF MYELOMA PATIENTS WHILE WORKING TOWARDS PREVENTION AND A CURE GO ONLINE TO COMEDY.MYELOMA.ORG RIGHT NOW AND MAKE A DONATION OF 15 OR $30 OR WHATEVER YOU CAN AFFORD TO GIVE GET A LAUGH, GET A CURE DONATE NOW YES, NOW FOR OUR NEXT EPISODE, WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST PHIL, YOU WANT TO DO– YOU DO THE INTROS PHIL: OH, WELL, IF YOU REMEMBER, WE WENT TO ITALY IN A SHOW, AND ROBERT MET SOMEBODY THERE NAMED STEFANIA AND SHE’S HERE WITH US TODAY! EVERYBODY WELCOME ALEX MENESES PATTY: YAY! PHIL: YAY! ALEX: HI, HELLO PHIL: NOT REALLY ITALIAN ALEX: NOT REALLY ITALIAN PHIL: AN ACTRESS AN ACTRESS. SO THIS– ALEX: HI, EVERYBODY BRAD: HELLO PHIL: WE LOVE SEEING YOU WELCOME. WELCOME TO OUR LITTLE CLUB WE, UH, WE ARE DOING A SHOW NOW, THIS EPISODE IS CALLED “STEFANIA ARRIVES.” SO THIS WAS AFTER THE ITALY SHOW, MONTHS LATER, OUT OF THE BLUE CAME STEFANIA TO LYNBROOK THIS EPISODE WAS WRITTEN BY TUCKER CAWLEY AND LEW SCHNEIDER, TWO KNUCKLEHEADS, AND WE LOVE THEM,

AND WE LOVE THIS SCRIPT I’M TAKING YOU TO THE “B” SCENE RAY: NOT ITALIAN, EITHER THEY’RE BOTH NOT ITALIAN PHIL: NOT ITALIAN ALEX: WELL, YOU ARE RAY: I AM, YES. THERE WAS– PHIL: RAY ALWAYS ADDED ALL THE ITALIAN WE NEEDED [LAUGHTER] RAY: [SPEAKS ITALIAN] PHIL: BUT IN THIS SCENE, STEFANIA HAS BEEN THERE FOR A FEW DAYS, AND ROBERT HAS TAKEN HER TO PLAY MINIATURE GOLF SO WE’RE ON THE MINIATURE GOLF COURSE ROBERT AND STEFANIA WALK UP TO THE FIRST HOLE HOLDING PUTTERS STEFANIA SWINGS HER PUTTER AWKWARDLY STEFANIA: UGH. YOU SHOW ME THIS? ROBERT: OF COURSE SO YOU HOLD YOUR PUTTER LIKE THIS, YOU SEE, AND THEN YOU SWING IT BACK– PHIL: SHE TAKES HIS HAND AND GUIDES HIM SO THAT HE’S BEHIND HER WITH HIS ARMS AROUND HER, HOLDING HER HANDS OVER HER PUTTER ROBERT: OH. OH, BOY OK, UH WHAT’S HAPPENING? OH, RIGHT. ALL RIGHT YOU JUST BRING THE PUTTER BACK A LITTLE, LIKE THIS AND THEN PHIL: THEY SWING THE PUTTER TOGETHER AND HIT THE BALL ROBERT: HEY, GREAT LOOK AT THAT, HUH? HELL OF SHOT STEFANIA: YOU BUY ME ANOTHER HOT DOG NOW? ROBERT: WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE’S MORE TO– MORE TO AMERICA THAN HOT DOGS STEFANIA: I LIKE HOT DOGS ROBERT: OK, I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’LL BUY YOU ANOTHER HOT DOG LATER, OK? IF YOU’RE GOOD STEFANIA: [LAUGHS] OK. YOU HIT NOW ROBERT: ALL RIGHT PHIL: ROBERT PUTS HIS BALL DOWN STEFANIA POKES HIM IN THE BUTT WITH HER PUTTER ROBERT: AHH! HEY, THERE OK PHIL: ROBERT LAUGHS, THEN BEGINS TO SWING STEFANIA POKES HIM AGAIN ROBERT: [LAUGHS] OK HEY, HEY, HEY. HEY, HEY! WHAT DO YOU–WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, DARLING? STEFANIA: WHAT? I DO NOTHING ROBERT: OH, I THINK YOU DID, YOU NAUGHTY MONKEY PHIL: ROBERT TURNS AROUND, LINES UP HIS SHOT AGAIN, AND BEGINS TO SWING SHE POKES HIM IN THE BUTT AGAIN AS HE PUTTS ROBERT: OK, COME ON, HUH? STEFANIA: YOU ARE A GOOD GOLF PLAYER ROBERT: YEAH. I TRY TO BE PHIL: AS THEY WALK TOWARD THEIR BALLS, SHE POKES HIM AGAIN A FEW MORE TIMES AND LAUGHS ROBERT: OK. TRY TO– TRY TO BE A GOOD GOLFER OK, LISTEN, YOU’RE JUST HAVING FUN, RIGHT THAT’S OK. BUT YOU SEE, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WHEN RAYMOND AND I WERE KIDS, HE USED TO–HE USED TO POKE ME QUITE A BIT AND POKE, POKE, POKE HE WAS, HOW YOU SAY, A JERK SO NOW I’M SORT OF…ANTI-POKE OK? OH. OH, LISTEN, HEY, LOOK, IF I HAD TO CHOOSE SOMEONE TO POKE ME, IT WOULD BE YOU OK? BUT DON’T POKE ME PHIL: THEY GET TO THEIR GOLF BALLS ROBERT: ALL RIGHT OK, YOU FIRST. HUH? PHIL: SHE PUTTS AND MISSES ROBERT: OK, VERY GOOD ALL RIGHT. TRY AGAIN PHIL: SHE PUTTS AGAIN AND MISSES AND AGAIN STEFANIA: MANAGIA IL DIAVALO! ROBERT: OH, OK, GOOD PHIL: SHE DRAGS THE BALL TO THE HOLE WITH HER PUTTER AND SINKS IT ROBERT: OK, GOOD, VERY GOOD THAT WAS– NOW, I’LL JUST PHIL: ROBERT SINKS HIS PUTT STEFANIA: YAY, BERTO! ROBERT: OK, I HAD A TWO PHIL: SHE POKES HIM UNDER THE ARM WITH HER FINGER ROBERT: ALL RIGHT, WE WON’T KEEP SCORE OK? HOW ABOUT THAT? OK. NOT GONNA–NOT GONNA PLAY BY THE RULES [MUTTERING] PHIL: ALL RIGHT, BEFORE WE GO TO THE NEXT SCENE, THERE’S A SCENE THAT YOU’RE NOT GONNA SEE WHERE ROBERT GOES OVER TO RAY AND DEBRA’S AND THEY DEDUCE THAT YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH THIS GIRL IT’S NOT RIGHT HE’S DOESN’T INTEND TO TAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP FURTHER SO TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT HE’S GONNA BREAK UP WITH STEFANIA ROBERT’S APARTMENT LATER THAT NIGHT ROBERT AND STEFANIA ARE SEATED ON THE COUCH STEFANIA WEARS A SWEATER AND A SKIRT STEFANIA: OH, I LIKE YOUR HOUSE ROBERT: IT’S AN APARTMENT, REALLY STEFANIA: HMM I DON’T LIKE THIS ROBERT: OK. LISTEN, WE NEED TO TALK, OK? PHIL: STEFANIA CROSSES HER LEGS STEFANIA: OK ROBERT: UM, I THINK IT’S REAL EXCITING THAT YOU AND YOUR DAD ARE TALKING ABOUT MOVING HERE PHIL: SHE NOTICES ROBERT’S POLICE UNIFORM HANGING FROM THE MANTLE SHE CROSSES TO IT STEFANIA: [GASPS] OOH, POLIZIA ROBERT: ATTENTION SPAN OF A MOTH ALL RIGHT. YEAH, LISTEN, I JUST HAD THAT DRY CLEANED, SO, YOU KNOW, I’D RATHER YOU DIDN’T– STEFANIA: YOU PUT IT ON FOR ME? YES? ROBERT: NO, NO. NO IT’S FOR WORK REALLY. NOW, I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, COME BACK OVER HERE STEFANIA: TO THE UGLY SOFA

ROBERT: YES PHIL: THEY SIT STEFANIA: I AM HUNGRY YOU HAVE FOOD FOR ME? ROBERT: NOW? ALL RIGHT, JUST A SECOND PHIL: HE CROSSES INTO THE KITCHEN STEFANIA: MAYBE YOU HAVE HOT DOGS? ROBERT: ONE SECOND PHIL: ROBERT STARTS TO ROOT AROUND THE KITCHEN FOR SOME FOOD ROBERT: IT’S LIKE DROPPING WOOD INTO A CHIPPER PHIL: HE FINDS A BAG OF UNOPENED PRETZELS ROBERT: I’VE GOT CAP’N SALTY PRETZEL NUGGETS STEFANIA: I LIKE HOT DOGS ROBERT: SALT–SALTY NUGGETS! PHIL: FRUSTRATED, ROBERT YANKS OPEN THE BAG IT EXPLODES, SPRAYING PRETZEL NUGGETS EVERYWHERE MUTTERING, HE BRUSHES HIMSELF OFF, THEN, USING HIS FOREARM, HE SWEEPS THE NUGGETS FROM THE COUNTER INTO A BOWL HE TURNS AND BEGINS TO CROSS BACK INTO THE LIVING ROOM BUT STOPS STEFANIA HAS TAKEN OFF HER SWEATER AND PUT ROBERT’S POLICE SHIRT ON IT’S TIED SO IT SHOWS OFF HER BELLY ROBERT: OHH STEFANIA: WHAT’S WRONG, BERTO? ROBERT: I NOTHING, JUST THERE’S YOUR TUMMY STEFANIA: YOU WOULD NOT PUT IT ON, SO ROBERT: WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT’S POLICE PROPERTY YOU NEED TO–YOU NEED TO TAKE IT OFF STEFANIA: OK ROBERT: OH, WAIT. WAIT! PHIL: SHE SLOWLY BEGINS TO UNBUTTON THE SHIRT ROBERT: OK, OK, OK KEEP IT ON. KEEP IT ON IT’S FINE HERE, DO ME A FAVOR SIT DOWN, OK? HAVE SOME PRETZELS STEFANIA: NO, THANK YOU I WAS NOT REALLY HUNGRY FOR PRETZELS PHIL: ROBERT STARES AT HER LIKE AN IDIOT. THEN ROBERT: NO STEFANIA STEFANIA, YOU YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND A LOVELY PERSON AND…AND A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND IT’S JUST SO VERY, VERY NICE THAT YOU WANT TO–YOU WANT TO MAKE A LIFE FOR YOURSELF IN THIS COUNTRY LET ME FINISH WHERE–OK LOOK, MY DARLING, HERE’S– HERE’S THE THING YOU KNOW, IT’S BEEN SAID THAT LOVE IS LIKE CREAM OF WHEAT, AND STEFANIA: MAYBE NO MORE TALKING ROBERT: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA WHOA, WHOA, WHOA YOU–YOU WANT YOU WANT–OH, BOY PHIL: SHE KISSES HIM PASSIONATELY, RUNNING HER FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR SHE RELEASES HIM HIS HAIR IS STICKING UP ROBERT: HARD TO ARGUE PHIL: SHE KISSES HIM AGAIN ROBERT PULLS HIMSELF AWAY FROM HER IT’S THE HARDEST THING HE’S EVER HAD TO DO ROBERT: NO, NO. STEFANIA, NO! STEFANIA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, “NO”? ROBERT: NO MEANS NO! IT’S THE SAME IN ITALIAN! NO MEANS NO! STEFANIA: COME, BERTO WE HAVE WAITED SO LONG IT WILL BE NICE ROBERT: OHH, YEAH, I’M NOT SAYING IT WOULDN’T BE NICE AND SOFT BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG IT WOULD BE WRONG, BECAUSE, STEFANIA, WE SHOULDN’T– WE SHOULDN’T BE TOGETHER STEFANIA: NO, IT’S OK MY FATHER WILL NOT KNOW ROBERT: NO, NO, YOU MISUNDERSTAND I SHOULDN’T LEAD YOU ON I’M–IT’S MORALLY WRONG, I THINK STEFANIA: [SCOFFS] WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ROBERT: WE NEED TO BREAK UP YOU AND ME…NO MORE STEFANIA: OH ROBERT: HEY, LISTEN, I’LL ALWAYS CHERISH THE MOMENTS THAT WE SPENT TOGETHER, BUT I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO MOVE HERE FOR THE WRONG REASONS PHIL: STEFANIA LOOKS DOWN ROBERT TOUCHES HER HAIR ROBERT: HEY– STEFANIA: NON TOCCARMI! PHIL: ROBERT JUMPS BACK ROBERT: YAHH! STEFANIA: [SPEAKING ITALIAN] ROBERT: NO, NO, NO, THAT WAS HER IDEA! YOU SEE, SHE’S CRAZY– STEFANIA: [SHOUTING IN ITALIAN] NO, NO, NO NO PINOCCHIO THIS TIME! SHE WANTED ME TO MARRY YOU!

BUT I SAID I COULDN’T ‘CAUSE YOU’RE ANNOYING– STEFANIA: ANNOYING? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, ANNOYING? ROBERT: UH…I DON’T KNOW STEFANIA: LIAR! I AM SICK TO LOOK TO YOU! ROBERT: NO, LISTEN, WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS! YOU SEE, IN AMERICA YOU DON’T JUST BREAK UP YOU STAY FRIENDS! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO! STEFANIA: NOT IN ITALY! PHIL: SHE STARTS TO GO FOR THE DOOR AND THEN COMES BACK SHE PICKS UP THE BOWL OF PRETZELS AND THROWS IT ON THE FLOOR SHE HEADS FOR THE DOOR ROBERT: ANNOYING PHIL: SHE TAKES HER SWEATER AND EXITS, STILL WEARING ROBERT’S SHIRT HE FOLLOWS INTO THE HALLWAY, CALLING AFTER HER ROBERT: I DID THE RIGHT THING! MORALLY, I DID THE RIGHT THING! PHIL: FROM OFF CAMERA, ROBERT’S POLICE SHIRT HITS HIM IN THE FACE HE PULLS IT AWAY AND STARES FOR A COUPLE OF SECONDS, STUNNED ROBERT: THERE BETTER BE A HEAVEN RAY: YAY! RAY: WHERE YOU GOING? WE’RE GONNA BE RIGHT BACK. SIT DOWN HEY, LORAINE AND LUCY AND AMY I’M SORRY I CAN’T MAKE IT OUT I NEVER SEEM TO MAKE IT OUT TO CALIFORNIA FOR YOUR FUNDRAISER I MEAN, I KNOW THAT A LOT OF PETER’S GLORY DAYS WERE IN CALIFORNIA I KNOW, SHOOTING FILMS AND, UM AND “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND,” WHICH I WAS A HUGE FAN OF I DON’T THINK I TOLD YOU THAT YEARS AGO, I WOULD BE ON A PLANE, AND I’D BE FLYING FROM NEW YORK TO L.A CONSTANTLY AND I STARTED WATCHING “RAYMOND” ON THE PLANE AND I WOULD HAVE THE HEADPHONES ON, AND I WOULD BE GAGGING LAUGHING, AND EVERYBODY WOULD BE LOOKING AT ME KIND OF ODDLY AND I WAS LATE TO THAT PARTY, BUT I LOVED THE SHOW BUT MY POINT IS, IS THAT I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REALIZE THIS OR NOT, BUT PETER IS KIND OF KNOWN AS A NEW YORK ACTOR FOR THAT HE LIVED IN NEW YORK AND RAISED HIS FAMILY IN NEW YORK AND YOU GUYS HAVE A HOUSE NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE I AM NOW I’M IN EAST HAMPTON RIGHT NOW, AND YOU GUYS LIVE NOT TOO FAR AWAY IN THE LANES, AND, YOU KNOW, PETER IS REALLY KNOWN AS A NEW YORK ACTOR SO WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE READY TO MOVE YOUR CHARITY EVENT TO NEW YORK LET ME KNOW HELLO, EVERYONE, VIRTUALLY! A VIRTUAL HELLO SINCE WE CAN’T BE TOGETHER THIS YEAR WE NONETHELESS NEED THE MONEY TO FIND A CURE FOR MULTIPLE MYELOMA, WHICH KILLED ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS PETER BOYLE AND THIS FUND IS NAMED AFTER PETER AND NOT ONLY THAT LORAINE BOYLE HAS CONTACT WITH THE CUTTING-EDGE SCIENTISTS THE MONEY IS GOING DIRECTLY, DIRECTLY TO FIND A CURE FOR THIS DISEASE SO HE WAS A FUNNY, FUNNY MAN, PETER, AND A WONDERFUL, KIND-HEARTED MAN, AND I MISS HIM STILL AND SO, IN THIS PANDEMIC YEAR, GIVE WHAT YOU CAN, NOT VIRTUALLY BUT ACTUALLY TO THIS FINE CAUSE THANK YOU RAY: PLACE YOUR BID ON THE HOT TICKET AUCTION ITEMS VISIT CHARITYBUZZ.COM/IMF IT SHOULD ALL BE THERE, BUT IN CASE YOU CAN’T SEE IT, IT’S CHARITYBUZZ.COM/IMF YOU CAN VIEW THE FULL LIST OF ALL THE ITEMS UP FOR AUCTION WE HAVE SOME VERY GOOD ONES THERE’S EVEN GONNA BE SOME SPECIAL ADDED ITEMS YOU WILL SEE THE CAST AUTOGRAPH RIGHT NOW DURING THE TABLE READ ALL PROCEEDS ARE GONNA BENEFIT THE IMF LET’S ALL TAKE TIME WE ALL HAVE THESE MICROPHONES THAT THEY SUPPLIED US WITH, AND WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO IS, IF YOU CAN, TAKE YOUR SHARPIE– WE’RE GONNA SIGN ‘EM ALL AND THEY’RE GONNA AUCTION ‘EM OFF TO RAISE MORE MONEY FOR THE CHARITY SO EVERYBODY PATTY: HERE WE GO

THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL MICROPHONES, BY THE WAY PHIL: I HATE TO PART WITH IT PATTY: GORGEOUS. YES LOOK AT THIS– RAY: DOING IT ON CAMERA BEAUTIFUL I LIKE THESE MICROPHONES PATTY: I KNOW THEY’RE PRETTY COOL PHIL: I’M VERY SLOPPY PATTY: THERE YOU GO PHIL: IT’S VERY SLOPPY, MINE– PATTY: THERE YOU GO PHIL: BUT YOU’LL KNOW WHO IT IS RAY: ANYWAY, WE’LL TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN GO TO TRY TO GET THESE TO HELP US OUT, TO HELP THE FOUNDATION OUT ALL RIGHT! OH, OK ACTUALLY, RIGHT ON THE BOTTOM THERE, IT SHOULD BE TELLING YOU WHERE YOU CAN GO AND BID FOR THESE, AND THAT’LL BE A GREAT THING ALL RIGHT, MORE! PHIL: THIS IS THE TEASER FOR “LET’S FIX ROBERT.” SO WE’RE IN MARCO’S IT’S THE AFTERNOON I WILL BE MARCO. MARCO IS BEHIND THE COUNTER AMY AND DEBRA ARE AT THE TABLE AMY: I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS PLACE SO CROWDED DEBORAH: YEAH, EVER SINCE MARCO TOOK OVER, THE FOOD IS SUPPOSED TO BE UNBELIEVABLE PHIL: A WAITRESS SETS DOWN BREADSTICKS AMY LOOKS TENSELY AT HER AS SHE WALKS OFF, THEN TURNS BACK TO DEBRA AMY: SO IS THAT STEFANIA? DEBRA: NO PHIL: SHE LOOKS AROUND SOME MORE AMY: WHICH ONE IS SHE? DEBRA: AMY, AMY, WHY DON’T WE JUST EAT SOMEWHERE ELSE? THERE ARE PLENTY OF RESTAURANTS WHERE ROBERT’S EX-GIRLFRIENDS DON’T WORK AMY: NO, NO, NO, SHE TOOK MY BOYFRIEND AND NOW SHE CAN TAKE MY ORDER PHIL: DEBRA TAKES A BITE OUT OF A BREADSTICK I JUST DON’T GET– OH, MY GOD HOW IS THIS SO GOOD? IT’S JUST A BREADSTICK! OH, YOU HAVE TO TASTE THIS AMY: NO, NO, I’M NOT GONNA EAT I WANT TO BE THIN WHEN I SEE HER DEBRA: RELAX, AMY I’VE SEEN STEFANIA SHE’S NOTHING YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! AMY: YEAH? PHIL: STEFANIA APPROACHES. SHE’S LOOKING ESPECIALLY GORGEOUS SHE SETS DOWN MENUS AND TAKES OUT AN ORDER PAD STEFANIA: HELLO, DEBRA! OH, HELLO. I AM STEFANIA PHIL: AMY’S JAW DROPS AS SHE STARES AT STEFANIA FOR A BEAT THEN AMY TURNS TO DEBRA, SHELL-SHOCKED DEBRA: SEE? NOTHING [CHUCKLING] PHIL: AND WE CUT TO THE OPENING CREDITS EVERYBODY! ♪ DEE DEE DEE DEE ♪ ALL RIGHT WE’RE ON THE NEXT WE’RE ON THE NEXT SCENE SCENE–THE “A” SCENE WE’RE BACK AT MARCO’S EVERYTHING’S WHERE WE LEFT IT YOU ARE STEFANIA? STEFANIA: SI AND YOU ARE? AMY: I’M AMY, ROBERT’S OTHER EX-GIRLFRIEND, OR, AS I’LL BE KNOWN FROM NOW ON, THE PLAIN ONE STEFANIA: YOU WERE ROBERTO’S GIRLFRIEND? AS A MATTER OF FACT, PRETTY MUCH AT THE SAME TIME YOU WERE DEBRA: YOU KNOW, I’M LOOKING AT YOUR RED WINES WHAT CHIANTI WOULD ARRIVE THE SOONEST? PHIL: STEFANIA SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE STEFANIA: ROBERTO DID NOT EVER SPEAK OF YOU AMY: HA! YEAH, HE WAS GOOD LIKE THAT STEFANIA: IF I HAD KNOWN [SPEAKING ITALIAN] I’M NOT SURE WHAT YOU SAID, BUT I LIKE HOW IT ENDED [CHUCKLING] STEFANIA: I AM SO, SO SORRY TO YOU YOU SHOULD HATE ME FOREVER AMY: OH, NO! THERE’S NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE I’M REALLY NOT MAD AT YOU DEBRA: THAT’S RIGHT, ROBERT’S THE PROBLEM HERE BUT HE’S OUT OF BOTH OF YOUR LIVES NOW STEFANIA: WE ARE VERY– WE ARE BOTH VERY LUCKY WOMEN AMY: AMEN TO THAT PHIL: RAY ENTERS AND SEES MARCO AT THE COUNTER HEY, MR. FOGAGNOLO, MY PIZZA READY? MARCO: IS READY WHEN I SAY IS READY RAY: THAT’S A…GOOD POLICY OH, LOOK, THERE’S MY LITTLE “BASTARDO.” PHIL: THE WOMEN ALL LAUGH, WHICH MAKES RAY NOTICE DEBRA HE WAVES, OBLIVIOUS, AND THEN HE MAKES HIS WAY OVER TO THE TABLE RAY: HEY. HI PHIL: THEY AD LIB HELLOS A BEAT, AS RAY NOTICES THAT AMY AND STEFANIA ARE TOGETHER HE LOOKS AT DEBRA RAY: UH, EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? DEBRA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? RAY: UH, …YOU KNOW PHIL: AMY AND STEFANIA ARE LOOKING AT RAY HE TURNS TO THEM RAY: I’M JUST SURPRISED TO SEE YOU TWO…HOBNOBBING AMY: ACTUALLY, WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON STEFANIA: WE BOTH HATE YOUR BROTHER! RAY: OH, WELL, THAT’S NICE AMY: HEY, DID ROBERT EVER TAKE YOU TO A MOVIE? STEFANIA: YES AMY: THAT’S FUN, ISN’T IT?

WITH HIS LITTLE RULES “SHH! NO TALKING! NO TALKING! NO TALKING! MOVIE!” STEFANIA: YES! AND THEN “I DON’T LIKE TO SHARE MY GOOD & PLENTY.” HE IS LIKE IDIOT [LAUGHTER] RAY: UH, HEY, THAT SEEMS A LITTLE ROUGH, HUH? AND HE HAPPENS TO BE RIGHT ABOUT THE TALKING IT’S VERY RUDE PHIL: MARCO APPROACHES RAY WITH HIS PIZZA BOX MARCO: NOW IS READY STEFANIE: PAPA, LISTEN TO THIS ROBERTO USED TO CHEAT ON ME WITH THIS NICE LADY PHIL: MARCO TURNS TO RAY AND STARES RAY: THAT IS SERIOUSLY MESSED UP. IT IS MARCO: HE TELL ME HE BREAK UP WITH STEFANIA BECAUSE HE NO LIKE GIRLS [RAY CHUCKLES] RAY: AMERICANS! PHIL: MARCO GIVES THE PIZZA TO RAY MARCO: YOUR BROTHER– HE IS NO GOOD BASTARDO. HA HA HA! MARCO: I LIKE-A THIS ONE SHE EAT FOR FREE PHIL: MARCO EXITS AMY: OK, RAY, YOU CAN GO NOW WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT ROBERT SOME MORE [CACKLES] YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED HERE? A BIG, BLACK POT YOU CAN ALL STIR PHIL: AMY POINTS AT RAY’S PIZZA BOX AMY: WAIT. ARE YOU TAKING THAT BACK TO EAT WITH ROBERT? PHIL: EVERYBODY’S LOOKING AT RAY, WHO LOOKS GUILTY UH, I THINK WHAT I DO WITH MY PIZZA IS ENTIRELY MY BUSINESS STEFANIA: THIS PIZZA IS FOR ROBERTO? PHIL: STEFANIA GRABS THE PIZZA BOX, OPENS IT, AND BEGINS TO POKE AT IT VIOLENTLY WITH HER FINGERS AMY JOINS IN RAY: OH, FOR–COME ON! NO, STAY OFF THE SAUSAGE THAT’S MY SIDE! PHIL: RAY LOOKS AT THE DISFIGURED PIZZA AND BACK TO THE WOMEN NICE. VERY NICE HUH? THAT’S FUNNY PHIL: RAY GRABS THE PIZZA AND HEADS FOR THE EXIT YEAH, MAYBE I’LL TELL YOUR FATHER ABOUT THIS PHIL: HE STARTS TO SHOW THE BOX TO MARCO MARCO STARES AT HIM. RAY QUICKLY CLOSES THE BOX HAVE A NICE DAY PHIL: RAY SCURRIES OUT THE DOOR RAY: YES PHIL: NOW THE SCENE YOU’RE NOT GONNA SEE IS ROBERT GOES TO HIS PARENTS’ HOUSE, AND WAITING FOR HIM THERE ARE AMY, STEFANIA, AND HIS PARTNER ON THE POLICE FORCE ALL 3 ARE WOMEN, ALL 3 HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH ROBERT, AND ALL OF THEM TRY TO FIX HIM IT DOES NOT GO WELL PATTY: HIS PARTNER PLAYED BY SHERRI SHEPHERD ALEX: YES PHIL: HIS PARTNER PLAYED BY SHERRI SHEPHERD PATTY: SHERRI SHEPHERD PHIL: HIS PARTNER JUDY PATTY: JUDY PHIL: SCENE “E”–RAY SITS AT THE TABLE AS DEBRA COOKS DEBRA: DON’T FILL UP, RAY MY MEATLOAF’S ALMOST READY RAY: GREAT PHIL: RAY NOTICES CHIPS ON THE TABLE AND SHOVES A GIANT, CRUNCHY LOAD INTO HIS MOUTH ROBERT ENTERS, SHELL-SHOCKED, AND SHUTS THE DOOR IF AN ANGRY MOB COMES TO THE DOOR WITH PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES, IT’S FOR ME WHAT’S THE MATTER? ROBERT: MA’S GOT AMY AND STEFANIA OVER THERE, AND THEY’RE ALL TALKING ABOUT HOW TO FIX ME DEBRA: OH, I’M SURE SHE MEANS WELL ROBERT: WHAT? DEBRA: I DON’T KNOW YOU WANT TO STAY FOR DINNER? I’M MAKING MEATLOAF ROBERT: NAH, THANKS, DEB, BUT I’M NOT HUNGRY [WHISPERS] SMART MOVE PHIL: ROBERT SLUMPS INTO A CHAIR I’M GONNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ALONE PHIL: ROBERT SIGHS THE SADDEST SIGH IN THE WORLD, AND DEBRA SHOOTS RAY A “DO SOMETHING” LOOK AHH, HEY, COME ON, CHEER UP, MAN. HUH? PHIL: RAY TOSSES ROBERT SOME CHIPS HEY, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK OVER THERE LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU’RE A–A GOOD GUY ROBERT: OK RAY: NO, REALLY REALLY, DON’T GIVE UP THE RIGHT LADY IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE ROBERT: THANKS RAY: I MEAN IT WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP WHAT? “THE RIGHT LADY’S OUT THERE.” GUESS WHAT YOU’RE NEVER GONNA FIND HER YOU KNOW WHY? ‘CAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO YOU’RE ALONE BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT I BELIEVE YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THE MEETING ACROSS THE STREET DEBRA: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN’, HMM? YOU’VE CREATED AN IMAGE OF THIS IDEAL WOMAN SO WHEN REGULAR WOMEN– REGULAR, WONDERFUL, REAL WOMEN–FALL SHORT, YOU REJECT THEM RAY: YOU DO THAT? ROBERT: NO DEBRA: YES, YES THAT’S WHY YOU NEVER HAVE TO SETTLE DOWN, AND EVERYONE STILL FEELS SORRY FOR POOR, LONELY YOU HEY, LOOK, I MAY NOT BE THE GREATEST CATCH IN THE WORLD, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I SHOULD JUST SETTLE

I’M NOT TELLING YOU TO SETTLE, ROBERT, BUT YOU’RE NOT GONNA BE HAPPY IF EVERY TIME YOU DISCOVER A FLAW IN SOMEONE, YOU GO AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO HAVE HER OWN FLAWS NOBODY’S PERFECT! WELL, YOU ARE RAY: W-WHAT? DEBRA? MY DEBRA? HER? WELL, YEAH I–I THINK DEBRA’S PERFECT PHIL: A VERY LONG, VERY QUIET MOMENT WELL, YOU CAN’T HAVE HER DEBRA: WAIT A MINUTE RAY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN “WAIT A MINUTE?” I MEAN– IT JUST THAT IS SO SWEET, AND I WAS JUST SO MEAN TO YOU, AND I’M NOT PERFECT I MEAN, TELL HIM, RAY IS–IS THIS A TRAP? [LAUGHTER] DEBRA: ROBERT, YOU DON’T REALLY– PHIL: DEBRA STAMMERS SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ROBERT REALIZES THAT THEY’VE MISUNDERSTOOD ROBERT: OH! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO WHAT I MEANT WAS THAT YOU’RE PERFECT FOR HIM RAY: NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAID ROBERT: BUT THAT’S WHAT I MEANT RAY: OK, BUT IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAID. HUH? SO WHY’D YOU SAY THAT? ROBERT: I DON’T KNOW I HAD A ROUGH DAY? OK? RAY: WELL, I’VE HAD ROUGH DAYS, AND I NEVER SAID SHE WAS PERFECT ROBERT: OH, OK. SHE’S NOT PERFECT, OK? RAY: OH, SO NOW YOU DON’T THINK THAT SHE’S PERFECT? ROBERT: NO RAY: OH, SO YOU SEE THAT THERE ARE THINGS WRONG WITH HER ROBERT: OH, OK, YES RAY: LIKE WHAT?! ROBERT: I DON’T KNOW! RAY: NO, NO, I’M JUST– I’M CURIOUS RAY: TELL ME! ROBERT: TELL YOU WHAT?! RAY: TELL ME HOW SHE’S NOT PERFECT! ALL RIGHT! [LAUGHTER] I DON’T KNOW I–I GUESS SHE CAN BE MOODY AND CRITICAL RAY: OH, WELL, WE ALL SAY THAT ROBERT: LOOK, LISTEN, YOU ASKED ME, AND THAT’S WHAT I THINK SHE–SHE CAN BE HORRIBLE! OK ROBERT: OH, OH, OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT, HERE’S SOMETHING SHE’S GOT THAT THING WHERE ONE OF HER EYES IS A LITTLE HIGHER THAN THE OTHER RAY: OH, YEAH, YEAH DEBRA: HEY! ROBERT: AND I USUALLY, TO BE HONEST, I DON’T CARE ABOUT POSTURE, BUT, YOU KNOW PHIL: HE DEMONSTRATES HOW BAD HER POSTURE IS DEBRA: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! KNOCK IT OFF! ROBERT: OK. ALL RIGHT? RAYMOND, ARE YOU HAPPY? YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT ABOUT HER NOW? RAY: YEAH, I DO, ONLY NOW SHE DOESN’T SOUND SO GOOD I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT HER NOW DEBRA: MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP IF YOU WANT DINNER RAY: AND, ALSO, ANOTHER THING– DEBRA: ALL RIGHT ROBERT: LOOK, LOOK, I’M SORRY I JUST MEANT R-RAY IS LUCKY THAT HE FOUND THAT PERFECT SOMEONE FOR HIM, AND I’M JUST, UH, HOPING TO BE THAT LUCKY DEBRA: YOU WILL, ROBERT YOU WILL BE ROBERT: THANKS THANKS, GUYS ALL RIGHT I’LL–I’LL SEE YOU PHIL: ROBERT EXITS DEBRA: HE’S RIGHT YOU’RE VERY, VERY LUCKY PHIL: RAY NODS. DEBRA SETS A PLATE OF MEATLOAF IN FRONT OF RAY AND CROSSES TO THE SINK. A MOMENT LUCKY HE CUTS INTO THE MEATLOAF WITH GREAT EFFORT AND HOLDS UP A CHUNK OF IT WITH HIS FORK RAY: I WONDER IF THAT WAS THE NAME OF THIS HORSE DEBRA: OH HO! YAY! PHIL: THANK YOU, ALEX FANTASTIC! RAY: THANKS, ALEX PATTY: WITH THE ITALIAN NO LESS RAY: SO GOOD ROBERT: IT’S GREAT TO SEE YOU ALEX: YES PHIL: YOU ARE NOT ANNOYING ALEX: GRAZIE, GRAZIE RAY: VERY GOOD ALEX: GREAT TO SEE YOU GUYS LOVE YOU PATTY: LOVE YOU. BYE RAY: THANK YOU BRAD: BYE-BYE RAY: WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK HEY, EVERYBODY I’M SHERRI SHEPHERD AND I PLAYED SERGEANT JUDY, BRAD GARRETT’S PARTNER, ON “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.” SO THAT IS WHERE I GOT TO KNOW PETER BOYLE AND I JUST REMEMBER A VERY KIND MAN HE WAS VERY–HAD A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR, AND JUST WHAT A GENTLEMAN SO I HOPE THAT YOU CAN LOOK INSIDE YOUR HEART AND GIVE WHAT YOU CAN TO HELP FIND A CURE BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW, LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE AND THAT IS WHAT PETER BOYLE GAVE US EACH AND EVERY WEEK THANK YOU SO MUCH MICHAEL: HI, GUYS ANNETTE: YOU KNOW WHO I’VE BEEN MISSING? MICHAEL: BARBERS. I ANNETTE: YEAH, BUT BESIDES THAT MICHAEL: WHO? ANNETTE: PETER BOYLE MICHAEL: OH, ME, TOO I THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME ANNETTE: ME TOO YOU KNOW, I GOT A REAL PROBLEM WITH MYELOMA MICHAEL: I DON’T LIKE IT ANNETTE: NO MICHAEL: IT’S TIME TO SAY GOOD-BYE ANNETTE: IT SURE IS MICHAEL: HOW DO WE DO THAT? ANNETTE: WELL, IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SPARE

AT THIS TIME WHEN WE’RE ALL SUPPORTING A LOT OF REALLY GOOD CAUSES, IT WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU WOULD GO TO MICHAEL: MYELOMA.ORG ANNETTE: AND SUPPORT THE PETER BOYLE FUND AT THE MYELOMA ORGANIZATION MICHAEL: MM-HMM ANNETTE: SUCH A GOOD CAUSE, AND IT’S VERY CLOSE TO OUR HEARTS MICHAEL: YES, INDEED. LET IT BE CLOSE TO YOURS, TOO AND LET’S DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DO YOUR BEST ANNETTE: THANKS SO MUCH OH, HELLO THIS IS ALIE WARD OF THE PODCAST “OLOGIES” AND “INNOVATION NATION” ON CBS, AND I’M HERE IN MY MOBILE STUDIO, WHICH IS MY CAR I’M ACTUALLY ON A ROAD TRIP I’M WITH MY DOG AND WE’RE HEADED UP TO SEE MY PARENTS MY DAD HAS MULTIPLE MYELOMA, AND HE WAS DIAGNOSED 8 YEARS AGO AND THE FIRST THING HE DID, PRETTY MUCH, WAS GO TO IMF AND LEARN SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT HE’S ALWAYS READING NEWSLETTERS ABOUT NEW TREATMENTS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING NOW FOR 30 YEARS, YOU HAVE PROVIDED SO MUCH HOPE AND SO MUCH INFORMATION TO MY FAMILY AND IF YOU’RE WATCHING THIS, GO TO CHARITYBUZZ.COM/IMF GET SOME STUFF RAISE SOME OF THIS IT MATTERS SO MUCH TO REAL FAMILIES LIKE MINE, SO THANK YOU, AND THANKS FROM GREMMIE, TOO RAY: WE’RE RAISING FUNDS FOR THE PETER BOYLE RESEARCH FUND AND THE BLACK SWAN RESEARCH INITIATIVE TO FIND THE CURE FOR MULTIPLE MYELOMA GO ONLINE TO COMEDY.MYELOMA.ORG RIGHT NOW AND MAKE A DONATION OF $15 OR $30 OR WHATEVER YOU CAN AFFORD TO GIVE GET A LAUGH, GIVE A CURE DONATE NOW AT COMEDY.MYELOMA.ORG STICK AROUND, ‘CAUSE RIGHT AFTER THE PREMIERE OF THE IMF’S 30-YEAR ANNIVERSARY VIDEO, THE CAST OF “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” IS GONNA PERFORM ONE MORE EPISODE [QUIET MUSIC PLAYING] [TELEPHONE RINGS] WOMAN: HELLO. THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION THIS IS JUDY HOW CAN I HELP YOU? SUSIE: TODAY IS A VERY EMOTIONAL DAY FOR ME IT’S MY ANNIVERSARY 13 YEARS AGO TODAY, JUNE 4th, BRIAN NOVIS AND I WERE MARRIED BRIAN WAS DIAGNOSED WITH MULTIPLE MYELOMA WHEN HE WENT IN FOR A SIMPLE BLOOD TEST IN PREPARATION FOR OUR MARRIAGE HE WAS ONLY 33 YEARS OLD HIS DOCTOR TOLD HIM HE HAD 3 TO 5 YEARS TO LIVE WE PRAYED THAT THE DOCTORS WERE WRONG AND THAT WE WOULD BE ABLE TO RAISE A FAMILY AND HAVE A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER BUT BRIAN DIED IN 1992, JUST 4 YEARS AFTER HIS DIAGNOSIS HERE WAS THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN THAT I WAS MARRYING, AND THEN TO GET THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE YOU KNOW, HE GETS THIS INFORMATION THAT “YOU HAVE CANCER YOU HAVE MULTIPLE MYELOMA.” WE FELT LIKE WE WERE ALL ALONE AND CAST ADRIFT IN THE SEA THERE WAS NOTHING HE WENT TO THE LIBRARY, AND HE LOOKED UP ALL THE DOCTORS THAT HAD DONE SOMETHING IN MYELOMA, AND HE INTERVIEWED THEM ALL AND THEN HE FOUND DR. DURIE, AND THEY JUST CLICKED BRIAN: IN CONJUNCTION WITH BRIAN NOVIS, WE DECIDED THAT THERE WAS A DESPERATE NEED TO PROVIDE INFORMATION FOR PATIENTS DIAGNOSED WITH MYELOMA, INFORMATION THAT COULD LEAD THEM TO THE BEST TESTS AND TO THE BEST TREATMENT AND SO THE FIRST THING WAS TO HAVE A NEWSLETTER WHERE THERE WOULD BE INFORMATION, AND WE’D SEND OUT NEWS ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON ABOUT MYELOMA THE ACCESS TO WHAT WAS THE BEST AVAILABLE HAD TO BE FOR EVERYONE THE IMF HAS BEEN A GODSEND FOR ME IN THAT IT NOT ONLY GAVE ME HOPE, BUT GAVE ME A VISION OF WHERE I COULD GO BEYOND THE 2- TO 5-YEAR DEATH SENTENCE THAT I GOT INITIALLY I GOT A PATH I GOT A LIGHT IN THE DARK TUNNEL THAT I WAS LIKE WALKING IN AT THE TIME

THE KEY NEXT STEP WAS TO BRING PATIENTS TOGETHER TO HAVE DIRECT ACCESS TO EXPERTS IT WAS JUST GIVING PATIENTS THE VOICE AND THE POWER AND THE COURAGE TO CHALLENGE THEIR DOCTOR AND NOT ALL DOCTORS ARE REALLY MYELOMA EXPERTS THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A QUANTUM LEAP FORWARD IT WAS A NEW IDEA FOR PATIENTS TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY, AND IT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE TREMENDOUS FOR MYELOMA, BUT FOR PATIENTS WITH ALL KINDS OF DISEASES WHERE THIS IDEA HAS REALLY CAUGHT ON MAN: WE HAVE A MUCH MORE EDUCATED MYELOMA PATIENT THAN WE DID YEARS AGO, AND THAT’S A LOT TO DO WITH US BY GOING OUT TO THE COMMUNITY, SMALL AND LARGE, AND HELPING THEM GET AN OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK WITH DOCTORS, NURSES, OTHER PATIENTS MAN: DOES A PET SCAN OR AN MRI SEE BRIAN: AS THE DOCTORS WHO WERE LISTENING TO THE QUESTIONS AND TRYING TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, WE WERE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PATIENTS’ CONCERNS WERE WE NEEDED NEW TREATMENTS, BETTER TREATMENTS, AND SO THERE WAS A STRONG IMPETUS TO ENCOURAGE THE DOCTORS TO LOOK FOR NEW DRUGS THAT COULD BE TESTED IN CLINICAL TRIALS THE STARTING POINT WAS REALLY TO BRING THE EXISTING MYELOMA DOCTORS TOGETHER TO HAVE EXPERT PANELS AND DISCUSSIONS, AND THIS LED TO WHAT HAS BECOME THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA WORKING GROUP WOMAN: SINCE 2001, THE IMWG GREW FROM 40 TO OVER 248 DOCTORS FROM 36 COUNTRIES ALL AROUND THE WORLD IT’S TRULY REMARKABLE TO SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO TOGETHER AS ONE GROUP AND WHAT THEY HAVE PLANNED FOR THE FUTURE MAN: YOU CAN SEE THE NUMBER OF PUBLICATIONS BY THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA WORKING GROUP IS A GREAT TESTIMONY THAT 30 YEARS HAVE BEEN VERY PRODUCTIVE, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED IN THE SORT OF SURVIVAL OF PATIENTS WHEN IMF STARTED AND NOW 30 YEARS LATER BRIAN: FOR THE FIRST 10 TO 15 YEARS OF THE IMF, WE WERE VERY MUCH FOCUSED ON THE SUPPORTING PART, TO MAKE THINGS AVAILABLE TO IMPROVE ACCESS TO TREATMENTS AND SO NOW IN THE LAST 10 TO 15 YEARS, WE HAVE HAD MORE TIME AND ABILITY TO FOCUS ON “COULD WE CURE MYELOMA, PREVENT MYELOMA?” AND SO THIS LED TO THE CREATION OF THE BLACK SWAN RESEARCH INITIATIVE MAN: WE TRADITIONALLY FUND INCREMENTAL TYPE OF RESEARCH PROJECTS, BUT SOMETIMES A VERY BIG ADVANCE CAN MAKE ONLY IF YOU TAKE A RISK THE BLACK SWAN INITIATIVE IS ALL ABOUT HIGH-RISK, HIGH-REWARD TYPE OF PROJECTS BRIAN: THERE REALLY HAS BEEN TREMENDOUS PROGRESS RIGHT NOW, WE ACTUALLY HAVE OVER 25 BLACK SWAN RESEARCH PROJECTS GOING FORWARD WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE POTENTIAL FOR CURING MYELOMA, BECAUSE WE ARE SO CLOSE MAN: YOUR ORGANIZATION IS A TESTIMONY TO THE FACT THAT WE CAN AND SHOULD AND MUST USE ALL MEANS TO ADVANCE IN THE FIELDS OF SCIENCE I THINK THE SECRET OF THE IMF’S SUCCESS IS THAT THEY KEEP THE PATIENT AT THE CENTER AND DO ADVOCACY, EDUCATION, RESEARCH, EVERYTHING AROUND THE PATIENT AND WITH A SINGULAR GOAL, LIKE, YOU KNOW, UNTIL THERE’S A CURE, THERE’S THE IMF MAN: I’VE NEVER SEEN AN ORGANIZATION AS COMMITTED TO THE WELFARE OF PATIENTS AS THE IMF THE IMF REALLY PUTS THE PATIENT AT THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING THAT IS DONE IT’S NOT JUST LIP SERVICE THERE IS A REAL COMMITMENT MAN: IT SAVED MY LIFE I MEAN, WHAT MORE CAN YOU SAY OF AN ORGANIZATION THAT BRINGS YOU IN AND EMBRACES YOU AND SAVES YOUR LIFE? WONDERFUL

THE IMF EMPOWERED US– EMPOWERED US AS A PATIENT, AS A CAREGIVER, GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO MOVE ON WITH THIS DISEASE STRENGTH, RESILIENCE, MEANING THAT WE COULD TAKE IT ON, MEANING THAT WE HAD STRENGTH IN NUMBERS IT WASN’T JUST US. WE HAD THE IMF HELPING US I VIEW THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION AS SORT OF THE GOLD STANDARD OF PATIENT ORGANIZATIONS THEY’RE THE MOST HOLISTIC MYELOMA PATIENT ORGANIZATION IN THE WORLD IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE LAST 30 YEARS, THE PROGRESS THAT HAS BEEN MADE AND ALL OF THE BENEFITS THAT HAVE BECOME AVAILABLE FOR PATIENTS WITH MULTIPLE MYELOMA BRIAN: THERE IS A WORKING MYELOMA COMMUNITY NOW, WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE IN THE PAST THERE IS A COMMUNITY WORKING TOGETHER TO DO THE VERY BEST FOR MYELOMA PATIENTS EVERYWHERE AND ACHIEVE THE BEST OUTCOMES WE HAVE MOVED THE NEEDLE FORWARD IT’S PEOPLE COMING TOGETHER, WORKING TOGETHER [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] MAN: THEY ACHIEVED SO MANY THINGS IN THESE 30 YEARS– THE FOCUS, THE ENERGY, THE SYNERGY, THE QUALITY BRIAN: ONE OF THE GOALS WAS THAT WHEN A PATIENT IS DIAGNOSED WITH MYELOMA, THEY’RE NOT ALONE THEY HAVE SUPPORT THEY HAVE INFORMATION THEY HAVE ACCESS TO THINGS THAT WERE NOT THERE IN THE PAST AND THE OUTCOMES ARE DRAMATICALLY IMPROVED, AND THEY’RE GOING TO IMPROVE MORE IN THE COMING 5 TO 10 YEARS WE HAVE TO JUST THINK ABOUT WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? WE’RE DOING IT BECAUSE THERE’S SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT HAVE THIS DISEASE AND THAT WE CAN HELP THEM LIVE WELL BECAUSE WE BELIEVE THAT WE CAN WORK COLLABORATIVELY AND WILL CURE THIS DISEASE ONCE AND FOR ALL RAY: READY? PHIL: NOW WE’RE GOING TO ANOTHER SHOW THIS IS CALLED “THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS,” AND I’M PRETTY SURE THIS WAS A NICE CHRISTMAS EPISODE WE DID A CHRISTMAS EPISODE EVERY YEAR, AND THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN BY TUCKER CAWLEY SO WHAT’S HAPPENED IN THE SCENE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN THE TEASER, IT WAS MARIE’S BIRTHDAY, AND RAY GOT HER A SET OF FIGURINES HE KNEW THAT SHE WOULD LOVE, AND SHE DIDN’T SO NOW WE’RE IN RAY AND DEBRA’S BEDROOM RAY IS HOLDING A FIGURINE RAY: UN-UNBELIEVABLE I TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE AND THOUGHTFUL, AND IT’S LIKE I KILLED MY MOTHER’S BIRTHDAY DEBRA: IT WAS A VERY THOUGHTFUL GIFT RAY: YES, VERY THOUGHTFUL, VERY NICE…BIRTHDAY KILLER [RAY SIGHS] DEBRA: YEP VERY, VERY THOUGHTFUL RAY: WHAT? DEBRA: HMM? OH, NOTHING. I JUST– I GUESS I WAS JUST SURPRISED HOW THOUGHTFUL YOUR MOTHER’S GIFT WAS ALTHOUGH I KNOW I SHOULDN’T BE YOU ALWAYS PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO THE THINGS YOU BUY…FOR HER RAY: GOOD NIGHT PHIL: RAY TURNS OVER AND “GOES TO SLEEP.” DEBRA: NO, NO, LISTEN, LISTEN, I THINK IT’S GREAT YOU GET SOMETHING NICE FOR YOUR MOM. I DO I JUST SOMETIMES WONDER WHY, YOU KNOW, YOU DON’T PUT THE SAME THOUGHT INTO WHAT YOU BUY FOR ME, BUT I MEAN IT’S OK IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING I’M NOT MAD RAY? [RAY PRETENDING TO SNORE] RAY! RAY: OW! WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU YOU WEREN’T MAD DEBRA: I’M NOT! RAY: I’VE GOTTEN YOU PLENTY OF THOUGHTFUL STUFF THE IDEA THAT I HAVEN’T IS LAUGHABLE IN ITS ABSOLUTE UTTER OUTLANDISHNESS DEBRA: RAY, YOU MOSTLY GIVE ME GIFT CERTIFICATES OR BACK RUB I.O.U.s OR THINGS I’VE HAD TO HINT THAT I WANTED, LIKE THESE PAJAMAS, FOR INSTANCE RAY: YOU–YOU NEVER HINTED ABOUT THOSE PAJAMAS DEBRA: I GAVE YOU THE SIZE, THE COLOR, DIRECTIONS TO THE STORE, DIRECTIONS FROM THE FRONT OF THE STORE TO THE PAJAMA SECTION, AND I STILL HAD TO RETURN THEM BECAUSE YOU GOT THE WRONG ONES! RAY: OK, BUT NOW YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ONES [RAY SIGHS] OH, COME ON, GEE, LOOK I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE, LIKE, DYING FOR SOMETHING SUPER THOUGHTFUL DEBRA: YOU NEEDED ME TO COMPLAIN? RAY: THAT’S HOW I’VE BEEN RAISED DEBRA: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO WANT TO GET ME THOUGHTFUL THINGS COME ON! PHIL: RAY GENTLY TAKES THE FIGURINE FROM HER RAY: I HAVE TO RETURN THESE PHIL: DEBRA TURNS OVER ANGRY DEBRA: WHAT? [RAY CHUCKLES]

DEBRA: WHAT? RAY: AW, NOTHING. IT’S JUST– I CAN’T WIN I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE’RE ARGUING ABOUT THIS WHEN I ACTUALLY FOUND YOU A PRETTY GOOD CHRISTMAS GIFT THIS YEAR DEBRA: HA! RAY: OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T BLAME YOU IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, BUT I DID, I REALLY DID DEBRA: YEAH, RIGHT RAY: NO, NO YOU AND I WERE DOING SOMETHING A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND IT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT– ALL RIGHT, WELL, JUST–JUST FORGET ABOUT IT DEBRA: WAIT–WHAT? WHAT WERE WE DOING? RAY: WE WERE IN THE CITY, AND WE WERE WALKING, AND YOU SAW SOMETHING, AND YOU SAID, “OH, MY GOD.” DEBRA: YEAH? RAY: YEAH, YEAH AND MAYBE I GOT YOU SOMETHING DEBRA: WHAT IS IT? RAY: WELL, YOU’LL–YOU’LL SEE IT AT CHRISTMAS LET’S HOPE YOU FIND IT THOUGHTFUL GOOD NIGHT [DEBRA SIGHS] DEBRA: I’M SORRY, RAY RAY: IT’S OK PHIL: SHE STARES AT HIM FOR A MOMENT HER FACE SHOWS THAT SHE MIGHT BE IMPRESSED WITH HIM SHE TURNS OVER AND GOES TO SLEEP THE ANGLE SWITCHES TO RAY’S FACE HIS EYES ARE WIDE OPEN AND TERRIFIED RAY: OHH PHIL: END OF ACT ONE! ACT 2, SCENE “B”– AMY’S APARTMENT A WEEK LATER, AMY AND ROBERT ARE SNUGGLED UP ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV THE DOORBELL RINGS AMY ANSWERS THE DOOR. IT’S RAY AMY: RAY! HI! HEY, AMY ROBERT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AH, I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD THOUGHT I’D JUST POP IN AND SAY, “HOWDY-DOODLE.” ROBERT: “HOWDY-DOODLE”? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AMY: STOP, ROBERT COME ON IN, RAY OH, OK. THANKS SO…BOY ‘TIS THE SEASON, HUH? ONLY TWO MORE SHOPPING DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY’S ALL HOLLY AND JOLLY AND BUYING STUFF YOU GUYS–YOU BUYING ANY GIFTS THIS SEASON, AMY? OH, YEAH, I LOVE SHOPPING I HAVE GOT ONE MORE THING TO GET MY UNCLE JEFF, AND I WAS THINKING I MIGHT GO– RAY: WELL, THAT’S GREAT, BUT LISTEN, I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT TO GET DEBRA AND I WANT TO GET HER SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL, YOU KNOW, ‘CAUSE–‘CAUSE SHE’S JUST SO GREAT OH, I KNOW WHAT SHE LOVES. PAJAMAS RAY: OH, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO PAJAMAS ROBERT: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? GET OUT! RAY: LOOK, I JUST– I JUST–I WANT TO GET HER SOMETHING THOUGHTFUL SOMETHING THAT SAYS, UM “DEBRA, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME, AND I THOUGHT OF THIS GIFT JUST FOR YOU.” PHIL: A LONG, REFLECTIVE MOMENT. THEN RAY: SO WHAT DO YA GOT? ROBERT: WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE I KNOW WHAT THIS IS A FEW WEEKS AGO, HE GOT MY MOM SOMETHING THOUGHTFUL FOR HER BIRTHDAY NOW I BET HE HAS TO GET DEBRA A GIFT OF EQUAL OR GREATER THOUGHT W-WHY YOU ALWAYS GOT TO ASSUME THE WORST ABOUT ME? ROBERT: WELL, IT’S GOTTEN ME THIS FAR AMY: RAY, YOU’RE VERY THOUGHTFUL YOU SHOULD JUST TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS YEAH? ‘CAUSE I DID THINK OF SOMETHING YOU KNOW HOW DEBRA’S ALWAYS SAYING HOW COLD SHE IS? SO I THOUGHT, “HOW ABOUT GETTING HER A REALLY NICE, “TOP-OF-THE-LINE, PRIMO SPACE HEATER?” PHIL: ROBERT AND AMY ARE LESS THAN IMPRESSED RAY: TOP OF THE LINE, THOUGH 4–4 SETTINGS: LOW, MEDIUM, HIGH AND, UM…OFF ROBERT: RAYMOND, HAVE YOU EVER EVEN MET YOUR WIFE? DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER? I KNOW SHE GETS CHILLY ROBERT: ALL RIGHT, LOOK, WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE SHE SPENT ALL HER SUMMERS AS A KID UP AT LAKE, UH…SAUGATUCK, IN CONNECTICUT, RIGHT? LAKE WHO? LAKE SAUGATUCK LOOK, FIND HER A PAINTING OR A NICE PHOTO OF LAKE SAUGATUCK OR, HEY, SHE LIKES CRAFTSMAN FURNITURE HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, SHE’S BEEN TALKING ABOUT SPENDING MORE TIME WORKING IN HER GARDEN, SO MAYBE YOU CAN GET HER SOME– NO, NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT I GOT IT. I GOT IT GET HER A FIRST EDITION OF “TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.” RIGHT? SHE DID HER COLLEGE THESIS ON IT, AND IT’S HER FAVORITE BOOK

AND I BET SHE WOULD LOVE IT SO NOT A SPACE HEATER? ROBERT: NO! THAT– “TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.” LOOK AT ME FIRST EDITION AMY: SHE WOULD LOVE THAT, RAY RAY: YEAH AMY: IT’S VERY NICE, ROBERT UH-HUH, I WAS THINKING LIKE THAT, TOO I WAS THINKING LIKE THAT OR THE SPACE HEATER, WHATEVER’S BEST YEAH, YOU’RE A WONDERFUL PERSON. GET OUT! OK, OK, THANKS. THANK YOU ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU PHIL: RAY EXITS. A BEAT, AND THEN HE POPS HIS HEAD BACK IN “ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST?” “TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD!” TAKE A CLASS! RAY: RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT HA HA! “CUCKOO’S NEST.” YEAH, I KNEW IT WAS A BIRD BOOK PHIL: RAY EXITS. ROBERT AND AMY SHAKE THEIR HEADS I’VE ALWAYS BEEN THE BRAINS [CHUCKLING] PHIL: DISSOLVE TO THE “D” SCENE RAY AND DEBRA’S KITCHEN THE NEXT MORNING RAY AND DEBRA ARE HAVING COFFEE THEY’RE ALL SMILEY RAY: SO, UH…LAST NIGHT WAS GOOD DEBRA: DIDN’T EVEN GET TO START MY BOOK RAY: OH, REALLY? I’M SORRY DID SOMETHING OR SOMEONE DISTRACT YOU? DEBRA: YOU DID! RAY: HA HA HA! THAT’S RIGHT I DID PHIL: ROBERT AND AMY ENTER RAY: OH, HEY AMY: HI RAY: MERRY CHRISTMAS AMY: WE JUST CAME FROM ACROSS THE STREET IT’S NOT THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT SEEING FRANK IN HIS UNDERWEAR DEBRA: HEY, DID YOU SEE WHAT MY HANDSOME HUSBAND GAVE ME? A FIRST EDITION OF “TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.” MY FAVORITE BOOK! AMY: HEY! WHAT A GREAT GIFT I KNOW. I LOVE IT OH, SO NICE PHIL: RAY SMILES I’M YOUR HUSBAND, RIGHT? THAT’S WHAT I DO DEBRA: OH, DON’T BE MODEST YOU GOT ME THE PERFECT GIFT RAY: YEAH. YOU KNOW, I ALMOST WENT WITH SOME OTHER IDEA, SOMETHING FROM LAKE SAUGATUCK [DEBRA GASPS] PHIL: ROBERT’S EYES WIDEN DEBRA: LAKE SAUGATUCK? I DON’T THINK I’VE EVEN MENTIONED THAT IN 10 YEARS! RAY: YEAH, I–NO, NO, NO I GUESS I REMEMBERED HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS TO YOU DEBRA: OH, MY GOD! OH! PHIL: SHE HUGS HIM DEBRA: ISN’T HE TOO MUCH? ROBERT: IT WAS ME! PHIL: EVERYONE LOOKS AT ROBERT DEBRA: WHAT? YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH ME! I TOLD HIM TO GET YOU THAT BOOK! IT WAS MY IDEA, NOT RAYMOND’S! MINE, ALL ME! RAY: HEY, ROBERT, ROBERT– ROBERT: NO, NO, NO, NO! HE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF “TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD!” OH, YES, I DID! YOU DID NOT YOU NEVER EVEN READ THE BOOK YOU NEVER SAW THE MOVIE! YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT THERE WAS A MOVIE OF IT! WHO WAS THE STAR OF THE MOVIE, RAYMOND? WHAT? WHA– ROBERT: GREGORY PECK! THAT’S RIGHT. GREGORY PECK HE PLAYED ATTICUS FINCH GREGORY PECK! [IMITATING GREGORY PECK] “ALL RIGHT, SCOUT, STEP ASIDE WHILE I SHOOT THIS RABID DOG. ALL RIGHT, SCOUT?” HE WON THE OSCAR! HE WON THE OSCAR IN 1962, YOU MORON! PHIL: A SHOCKED BEAT ROBERT STANDS THERE BREATHING HEAVILY DEBRA TAKES IN WHAT HE SAID RAY IS FROZEN FINALLY I THINK SOMEBODY COULD USE A LITTLE CHRISTMAS CHEER ROBERT CAME UP WITH THE WHOLE THING? PHIL: HE TURNS TO ROBERT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? DEBRA HAD TO KNOW THE TRUTH SHE HAD TO KNOW WHO REALLY GAVE HER THE BOOK YOU JUST TOOK CREDIT FOR ROBERT’S IDEA YOU MADE UP THAT WHOLE “CITY” THING? YOU LIED TO ME? YES, YES, AND YES! AMY: ROBERT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PHIL: ROBERT TURNS TO FACE AMY ROBERT: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? AMY: WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT DEBRA KNOWS THAT THE BOOK WAS YOUR IDEA? ROBERT: BECAUSE IT’S THE TRUTH RAYMOND’S A GLORY HOG HE DID IT WITH MA, AND NOW HE’S DOING IT WITH DEBRA HE’S GOT TO BE STOPPED! AMY: YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY, ROBERT THAT BOOK SEEMED A LITTLE MORE THOUGHTFUL THAN WHAT YOU GAVE ME WHAT? WHAT DID HE GIVE YOU? TICKETS TO THE ICE CAPADES WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT? THE ICE CAPADES IS 2 1/2 HOURS OF FROZEN FUN YEAH, IF YOU’RE 12 RAY: THE ICE CAPADES? WAIT. THAT’S–THAT’S WHAT MOM SAID I SHOULD GET FOR DEBRA PHIL: ROBERT FREEZES AMY LOOKS AT HIM, THEN SHE CROSSES TO HIM AMY: THAT WAS YOUR MOTHER’S IDEA? YOU WENT TO YOUR MOTHER? RAY: MAN, THAT IS LAME

I MEAN, RIGHT? DEBRA: DON’T EVEN, RAY EVERY YEAR, ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS, “WHAT SHOULD I GET FOR MY MOM?” “YOU THINK MY MOM WILL LIKE IT?” “MAYBE I SHOULD ASK MY MOM.” MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM PHIL: THE BOYS ARE BACKED UP AGAINST THE COUNTER RAY TURNS TO ROBERT HOW DO WE GET OUT OF HERE? AW, COME ON, DEBRA I MEAN, YOU GOT YOUR BOOK I GAVE IT TO YOU YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY, RIGHT? ISN’T IT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS? YEAH, BUT IT WASN’T YOUR THOUGHT. IT WAS HIS THOUGHT AMY: YEAH, AND WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT HER GIFT? ROBERT: I–I–I DON’T CARE ABOUT HER GIFT IT WAS JUST TO MAKE HIM LOOK BAD. TO SORRY, MAN RAY: IT’S OK. I UNDERSTAND DEBRA: YOU KNOW WHAT, RAY, I DON’T WANT YOU TO EVER BUY ME ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, ALL RIGHT, BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU DO, IT JUST TELLS ME HOW LITTLE YOU CARE MERRY CHRISTMAS, RAY PHIL: SHE GIVES HIM THE BOOK BACK WELL, NOW YOU’RE BECOMING MY MOTHER WHAT? LET ME FINISH! PHIL: RAY JUMPS ON THE COUNTER OK, THE ONLY REASON I EVER PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO MY MOTHER’S GIFT IS THAT SHE’S–SHE’S VERY, UH…UM MATERIALISTIC RAY: NO ROBERT: NO. YES! RAY: YES, YES! BUT GIFTS AND STUFF, THAT’S ALL SHE CARES ABOUT BUT I DON’T THINK OF YOU LIKE THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS SAID, YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING AS LONG AS WE’RE ALL HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND LOOK AT US WE’RE ALL HAPPY AND HEALTHY WE’RE ALL HEALTHY RAY: FOR NOW AND ISN’T THAT THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS? COME ON, HUH? IT’S CHRISTMAS WHAT ABOUT JESUS, HUH? YOU THINK HE CARED ABOUT GETTING A LOT OF GIFTS ON HIS BIRTHDAY? RUM-PUM-PUM-PUM, THAT’S ALL HE WANTED ROBERT: THAT’S TRUE RUM-PUM-PUM-PUM LISTEN, I’M SORRY I LIED. OK? I LIED ABOUT THAT NIGHT HAVING A GREAT GIFT FOR YOU, AND I LIED ABOUT COMING UP WITH THE CUCKOO BIRD BOOK, AND I KNOW I TOOK ALL THE CREDIT FOR IT, BUT AT LEAST YOU’RE NOT GOING TO THE ICE CAPADES HUH? LOOK, I’M SORRY I’M SORRY. I STINK AT THIS BUT IT’S NOT BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU IN FACT, I WOULDN’T LIE HALF AS MUCH IF I DIDN’T PHIL: A MOMENT. DEBRA SOFTENS A LITTLE [DEBRA SIGHS] ROBERT: ME TOO PHIL: AND THAT’S WHERE MARIE WOULD ENTER RAY AND PATTY: AWWW PHIL: RUM PUM PUM PUM RAY: MARIE RUM PUM PUM PUM NOW I WANT TO INTRODUCE THE WOMAN WHO’S BEEN BEHIND THIS FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS, THE WOMAN WHO WORKS TIRELESSLY TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR MYELOMA, WHICH TOOK AWAY HER HUSBAND, MY FRIEND PETER BOYLE IN 2006 PLEASE WELCOME LORAINE BOYLE 14 YEARS AGO, MYELOMA CLAIMED THE LIFE OF MY HUSBAND PETER BOYLE EVER SINCE THEN, I’VE DEVOTED MUCH OF MY TIME AND ENERGY TO RAISING FUNDS FOR THE INTERNATIONAL MYELOMA FOUNDATION DURING HIS LONG CAREER, PETER GAVE THE WORLD THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER TONIGHT, THE CAST OF “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” HAS REUNITED TO HONOR THAT LEGACY THANKS TO THEM AND OUR TIRELESS DIRECTOR KEN SHAPIRO, WE HAVE AN AMAZING, HILARIOUS TRIBUTE I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW I HOPE YOU HAD SOME LAUGHS AND I ALSO HOPE THAT YOU WILL FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS TO CONTRIBUTE WHATEVER YOU ARE ABLE TO THE IMF’s PETER BOYLE RESEARCH FUND MY FAMILY AND I ARE TOUCHED THAT EVERYBODY STILL LOVES PETER THANK YOU VERY MUCH HEY, TOM CALTABIANO HERE, A WRITER ON “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” FOR ALL 9 SEASONS THAT WAS AWESOME TO WATCH, YOU GUYS AND I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN SENT IN OVER THE YEARS THAT I CAN’T ANSWER SO I THOUGHT I’D ASK A FEW RIGHT NOW RAY, JUST COMING OFF OF– SINCE THIS IS THE THING FOR PETER BOYLE, YOU DID MARTIN SCORSESE’S FILM “THE IRISHMAN.” PETER DID “TAXI DRIVER” IN THE SEVENTIES DID THAT EVER COME UP WHEN YOU WERE DOING THE FILM WITH RAY: WITH MARTY? WITH MARTY? I CALL HIM MARTY PHIL: MARTY! PATTY: HA HA HA! RAY: I DID BRING IT UP AND WITH DeNIRO, ALSO PHIL: OHH! PATTY: OH, BOBBY? WITH BOBBY? RAY: ALL RIGHT PATTY: DID YOU BRING IT UP WITH BOBBY? PHIL: WHAT DID BOO-BOO SAY? RAY: I DIDN’T MENTION IT TO PACINO, THOUGH

PHIL: OH! HEY! RAY: BUT ON MY NEXT MOVIE WITH HUGH JACKMAN, I DEFINITELY DID NOT BRING IT UP PHIL: IT’S GETTING CROWDED IN HERE RAY: I THINK I DID. I THINK WE DID TALK ABOUT IT, A LITTLE BIT ABOUT PETER, BUT THAT WAS SURREAL THE WHOLE THING WAS SURREAL TOM, ARE THESE QUESTIONS FROM FANS? TOM: THESE QUESTIONS ARE FROM TWITTER AND FROM INSTAGRAM SITE AND ALL ACROSS THE BOARD PHIL: HE THINKS HE HAS FANS STILL RAY: YEAH TOM: ARE YOU INCREDULOUS, RAYMOND, THAT ANYONE STILL HAS QUESTIONS FOR YOU, OR WHAT IS THE QUESTION? RAY: NO, I’M JUST WONDERING WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM, THAT’S ALL. YEAH TOM: SO YOU DID BRING IT UP THAT’S THE END OF YOUR ANSWER RAY: YEAH, MARTY TALKED ABOUT IT A LITTLE MARTY TALKED ABOUT PETER A LITTLE HE LOVED HIM, YEAH BUT OTHERWISE, I WAS AFRAID TO SAY ANYTHING ON THAT SET YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE PHIL: WE COULD HAVE USED A LITTLE OF THAT [LAUGHTER] TOM: THIS ONE IS FOR PATTY THAT SEEMS TO COME UP A LOT WAS YOUR HUSBAND EVER JEALOUS OF YOU KISSING RAYMOND FOR 9 YEARS? PATTY: NO, I DON’T…THINK SO UM…NO, NO AND ANNA WASN’T EITHER, RIGHT? ANNA WASN’T EITHER RAY: NO, BECAUSE SHE KNEW THAT YOU THOUGHT I WAS AN IDIOT [LAUGHTER] I’LL TELL YOU, THOUGH, ONE LITTLE FUNNY THING WHEN WE FILMED THE PILOT, I WAS LIVING IN QUEENS SO I CAME TO L.A WE FILMED IT I WENT BACK TO QUEENS. MY TWINS WERE 2 1/2 MAYBE, ALMOST 3 AND THEN I GOT A VHS TAPE OF THE PILOT I PUT IT IN. WE WATCHED IT AT MY HOUSE, AND MY TWINS WERE WATCHING IT AND I GUESS AT THE VERY END, WE KISS OR SOMETHING AND MY TWINS DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BUT AFTER I KISSED YOU, THEY LOOK AT ME AND GO, “THAT’S NOT MOMMY.” PATTY: OHH AND I SAID, “THAT’S RIGHT! GIVE ME FIVE!” [LAUGHTER] PATTY: AND ANNA MADE THEM COME TO THE SET EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT 9 YEARS RAY: YES PHIL: THE KISS POLICE PATTY: EXACTLY TOM: SO, BRAD, FOR YOU, WHAT DO YOU– WHAT FROM YOUR OWN PERSONAL LIFE DID YOU BRING TO THE CHARACTER ROBERT? AND WHAT DID YOU IDENTIFY WITH HIM? BRAD: A DEPRESSION, BEING UNLOVED, HEARING VOICES, EATING PASTRIES ALONE IN A CORNER RAY: I WILL SAY–LET ME ANSWER FOR HIM ‘CAUSE I’M GONNA–I HATE TO COMPLIMENT BRAD, BUT I HAVE TO ‘CAUSE, PHIL, YOU’LL BACK ME UP ON THIS WE DID NOT PICTURE BRAD GARRETT AS THE CHARACTER OF MY BROTHER WE PICTURED A SARCASTIC BITTER BROTHER, WHO WAS KIND OF A LITTLE BIT ANGRY AND NOT– WHATEVER BRAD BROUGHT– PHIL: AND SHORTER THAN YOU! PATTY: SHORT BRAD: SHORTER? RAY: MUCH SHORTER. YES PHIL: YES RAY: SO THAT’S ONE OF THE MAGIC THINGS THAT HAS TO HAPPEN YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU WRITE A CHARACTER, AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT BECOMES SOMETHING ELSE, AND IT JUST WORKS AND IT’S–IT’S A GIFT TOM: AND, PATTY, THIS IS FOR YOU WHEN DID YOU FEEL LIKE THE SHOW WAS A HIT? RAY: WHAT TIME IS IT? [LAUGHTER] PATTY: UM I THOUGHT WE REALLY GOT INTO THE SWING OF THINGS THE THIRD SEASON, AND THEN EVERY SEASON, I KEPT SAYING, “THE FOURTH SEASON, THIS IS THE BEST. OH, MY GOD THE EPISODES THIS YEAR…” AND THEN THE FIFTH, AND IT JUST KEPT GETTING BETTER AND BETTER BUT I THINK IT REALLY– AND YOU GUYS HAVE THE BETTER MEMORY OF THE EPISODES BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT THE FIRST SEASON AND THE THIRD SEASON, SO I KIND OF DON’T REMEMBER THE FIRST 3 SEASONS SO MAYBE THAT’S WHY I THINK IT WAS, LIKE, THIRD AND GOING FORWARD THAT IT WAS REALLY HITTING ITS STRIDE I FELT FOR DEBRA, ESPECIALLY, BECAUSE I FELT LIKE JUST TRYING TO FIND– REMEMBER THAT FIRST SEASON? IT WAS A LITTLE BIT HARD TRYING TO FIND, FOR ME, FIND OUT WHO SHE WAS, ‘CAUSE I THINK EVERYBODY WAS SUPER DEFINED EXCEPT FOR DEBRA, BUT HERE’S THE THING WHEN I READ THE PILOT, I THOUGHT, “THIS IS THE BEST PILOT I’VE EVER READ “AND ALTHOUGH I’M NOT SURE WHO DEBRA IS, “THE WRITING IS SO GOOD AND EVERYBODY’S SO DEFINED, “WE’RE GONNA FIND OUT WHO SHE IS REALLY QUICKLY ONCE WE GET IT UP ON ITS FEET AND IT GETS GOING.” SO FOR ME, IT TOOK A LITTLE WHILE, BUT I THINK IT REALLY HIT ITS STRIDE IN THE THIRD SEASON TOM: AND SO, JUST FOR PHIL AND RAY, THERE’S ALWAYS QUESTIONS ABOUT A REUNION, AND I KNOW YOU’VE SAID YOU DON’T– PHIL: THIS IS IT! RAY: YOU’RE LOOKING AT IT TOM: BUT WATCHING THE CHEMISTRY OF THAT, JUST AS A FAN NOW, FROM THE OUTSIDE, WATCHING THE CHEMISTRY OF THOSE SCENES, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU COULD THINK OF THAT WOULD BRING YOU BACK TO A SCRIPTED VERSION IN THE FUTURE? RAY: I WOULD SAY–I WOULD HAVE TO LEAN TOWARDS NO,

ONLY BECAUSE WE’RE MISSING, YOU KNOW, PETER AND DORIS, WHO ARE SO MUCH A PART OF IT IT WOULD JUST FEEL ALMOST NOT RIGHT IT WOULD FEEL PATTY: MM-HMM IT WOULD FEEL SACRILEGIOUS, AND ALSO– PHIL: BUT WE ARE OPEN TO DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHERE WE ALL GET TOGETHER, REMINISCE, SHOW CLIPS, SHOW BLOOPERS, AND THAT MIGHT BE COMING SOON NEXT YEAR, IT’S 20 YEARS SINCE WE PREMIERED RAY: YEAH TOM: THAT WOULD BE A GOOD TIME PATTY: YEAH TOM: AND THEN, MONICA, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT WOUND UP IN THE SHOW THAT YOU’RE SURPRISED AND YOU LEARNED ONLY BY GETTING THE SCRIPT OR WATCHING IT ON TV THAT– MONICA: YES. WE SAID THE “BAD MOON RISING.” AND I MENTIONED BEFORE THAT I DIDN’T READ IT, BUT A LOT OF THAT DEBRA AND RAYMOND DIALOGUE WAS LIFTED FROM ACTUAL DIALOGUE BETWEEN ME AND MY BELOVED BUT WHAT WAS GREAT ABOUT IT– AND ANNA AND I USED TO TALK ABOUT THIS, TOO– WATCHING–BECAUSE THEY WERE WRITING IT AND RAY WAS EXECUTING IT, YOU’RE LIKE, “OH, MY GOD, THEY GET IT FOR TELEVISION, WHY CAN’T THEY GET IT FOR LIFE?” PATTY: HA HA! RIGHT RAY: I REMEMBER– MONICA: BUT YOU DID FEEL GOOD I THINK IT WAS HELPFUL TO THE MARRIAGE, THOUGH RAY: I REMEMBER ANNA WATCHING IT WE WERE IN BED, AND ANNA’S WATCHING AN EPISODE AND AFTER THE SCENE, SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS, “YOU JUST TALKED TO PATTY IN THAT SCENE MORE THAN YOU’VE TALKED TO ME ALL WEEK,” YOU KNOW AND I SAID, “WELL, WE HAVE WRITERS I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?” TOM: AND THEN, I THINK THIS SHOULD BE THE FINAL QUESTION, IS ANYBODY JUST SHARE ANY FOND MEMORIES OF PETER, AS SMALL OR AS LARGE PATTY: WELL, I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, AND BRAD AND I TALKED ABOUT THIS BUT IT’S BEEN A LITTLE OVER 2 YEARS SINCE I QUIT DRINKING AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HAS STUCK WITH ME AND IT STUCK WITH ME WHEN HE SAID IT, IS THAT WE USED TO ALL GO OUT AFTER TAPING AND GO OUT AND HAVE A DRINK AND PETER HAD BEEN SOBER FOR MANY YEARS AND I SAID, “HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE A DRINK WHEN EVERYBODY’S HAVING A DRINK?” ‘CAUSE YOUR ADRENALINE’S HIGH YOU NEED TO KIND OF COME DOWN AND HE SAID, “YOU KNOW, I JUST THINK ABOUT TAKING THE FIRST ONE “AND I WALK THROUGH MY MIND TO THE SECOND AND THE THIRD “AND SO ON AND SO FORTH “AND IT GIVES ME THAT TIME, AND I THINK ABOUT “WHERE IT’S GONNA TAKE ME, “AND BY THE TIME I TAKE THOSE FEW SECONDS, I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE.” PHIL: OH, VERY GOOD AND 20 YEARS LATER, I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT– OR 18 YEARS LATER IT’S ALWAYS STUCK WITH ME AND IT’S REALLY HELPED ME AND I ACTUALLY E-MAILED LORAINE, AND I TOLD HER, AND I SAID, “I WISH PETER WAS HERE THAT I COULD TELL HIM THAT,” ‘CAUSE HE’S REALLY SORT OF I FEEL BEEN WITH ME THROUGH THAT BRAD: ON SHOOT NIGHTS, HE WOULD HAVE A QUICK AA MEETING IN HIS DRESSING ROOM WITH VARIOUS PEOPLE FROM THE CREW AND I WAS JUST–JUST STARTING YEAR 2 AS– WHEN I REALIZED I WAS GONNA HAVE TO CONTINUE TO WORK WITH RAY [LAUGHTER] I STOPPED DRINKING AND STARTED HEROIN NO, BUT I STARTED– SOME OF MY FIRST MEETINGS WERE IN PETER’S– RAY: I NEVER KNEW THAT PATTY: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT, EITHER BRAD: YEP, YEP MONICA: ANONYMOUS PHIL: I HAD NO IDEA I WOULD HAVE SHUT YOU DOWN [LAUGHTER] BRAD: BUT IT WAS PRETTY POWERFUL THERE WERE PEOPLE FROM THE CREW MONICA: AWW RAY: WOW BRAD: THERE WAS ME AND PETER AND WHAT I LOVED ABOUT– YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT PETER IS HE WAS SOBER, BUT HE WASN’T PREACHY AND WORD ABOUT IT I MEAN, HE JUST, YOU KNOW, I HAD QUESTIONS ABOUT IT, AND HE WAS VERY HUMBLE ABOUT IT AND HE GOES, “YOU KNOW, JUST COME TO ONE OF THE MEETINGS.” AND I WENT, AND NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE, AND, UM [CHUCKLING] PHIL: I’LL TELL YOU TWO THINGS– BRAD: AND HIS PANTS WERE OFF PHIL: OH, GOD BRAD: AND I JUST–I JUST– KENNY, TAKE–CAN YOU TAKE ME OUT, KENNY? [LAUGHTER] GO AHEAD, PHILIP PHIL: I’LL TELL YOU TWO THINGS ABOUT PETER BOYLE THAT MAYBE MOST PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ONE IS, HE STUDIED TO BE A MONK BEFORE HE BECAME AN ACTOR AND I SAID TO HIM ONCE, “WHY DID YOU GIVE IT UP?” HE SAID, “NOT ENOUGH GIRLS.” PATTY: HA HA HA! PHIL: AND THE OTHER THING IS, YOU KNOW WHO THE BEST MAN WAS AT PETER’S WEDDING? PETER AND LORAINE? RAY: YES PHIL: JOHN LENNON RAY: YEAH PHIL: JOHN LENNON HOW ABOUT THAT? YOU DON’T EXPECT THAT HE WAS NOTHING LIKE THE GRUFF, RIGHT-WING SEAMING FRANK BARONE

HE WAS THE OPPOSITE HE WAS A SWEETIE PIE RAY: WELL, THAT’S WHAT WAS AMAZING TO ME ABOUT HIM WAS, HE WAS SUCH A BRILLIANT MAN– LOOK AT JUST THOSE EXAMPLES THAT HE HAD SUCH A LIFE– PHIL: YEAH RAY: AND SO SMART, AND YET HE JUST TOOK ME IN, AND I’M JUST A PLAIN, SIMPLE DUDE, AND YET WE HAD SUCH A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, YOU KNOW HE–HE–HE DUMBED IT DOWN FOR ME, JUST SO WE COULD GET CLOSE, YOU KNOW? PHIL: WE ALL DID, RAY RAY: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH PATTY: HA HA HA! RAY: WELL, I FELT IT WAS AMAZING– BRAD: I REMEMBER–I REMEMBER WHEN RAY TOLD ME, HE SAID, “YOU’RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHO’S PLAYING OUR FATHER PETER BOYLE.” BRAD: AND I WAS LIKE, “AH, THIS IS…” I MEAN, WHAT AN HONOR TO SHARE A KIND OF A STAGE WITH THIS GUY AND HE WAS SO INCREDIBLY KIND, BECAUSE I WILL NEVER FORGET IN 1972, WHEN MY FATHER TOOK ME TO SEE “YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN” AND HOW WE BONDED OVER THAT MOVIE AND IT WAS SO POWERFUL, AND WE JUST LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND THEN, TO MEET HIM AND JUST ONE OF THE MANY GIFTS RAY: I’LL TELL YOU WHAT WOULD BE GREAT WOULD BE TO HAVE HIM AROUND NOW WITH WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE WORLD PATTY: YEAH, YEAH RAY: ‘CAUSE HE WOULD BE SO– MONICA: HIS WISDOM RAY: SO INVOLVED IN IT, HAVE SO MANY OPINIONS ABOUT IT YEAH, YEAH HE WAS GREAT MONICA: VERY SPECIAL WE MISS HIM TOM: MONICA, DID– MONICA: OH, I BONDED WITH ONE THING OVER BECAUSE OF HIS– BECAUSE HE DID STUDY TO BE A MONK, RIGHT FOR A YEAR, HE WAS IN THE SEMINARY, I BELIEVE PATTY: CHRISTIAN BROTHER MONICA: CHRISTIAN BROTHER AND SO I WAS BIG CATHOLIC, ALSO, GROWING UP AND I SAW HIM, I SAID, “REMEMBER THE LITURGICAL DANCING?” HE WAS LIKE, “WHAT?” HE HAD BEEN OUT BY THEN BUT IN THE SEVENTIES, I WAS A LITURGICAL DANCER PATTY: WE TALKED ABOUT THAT! MONICA: HE THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND I GOT HIM A TAPE, AN INSTRUCTIONAL TAPE, OF LITURGICAL DANCING SO THAT–I DID A PERFORMANCE FOR HIM IN HIS DRESSING ROOM OF LITURGICAL DANCE, AND HE LOVED THAT PATTY: OH, YOU– PHIL: I SHOULD HAVE SHUT THAT DOWN, TOO MONICA: AND I ALSO SANG A YOKO ONO SONG FOR HIM BRAD: NO, YOU DIDN’T MONICA: “SILVER HORSE.” I DID ‘CAUSE I DO A VERY GOOD YOKO [IMITATING YOKO] WOA WHOA WOA PHIL: HA HA HA! WOW! MONICA: THANK YOU, YOKO PATTY: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT DID THE LITURGICAL DANCE FOR PETER, BUT I GUESS THERE WERE OTHERS MONICA: AH! PHIL: WOW. HE MADE EVERYBODY DO IT MONICA: DID YOU SEE MY VHS INSTRUCTIONAL TAPE THAT I GAVE HIM? PATTY: I DIDN’T! MONICA: DID YOU EVER SEE THAT? IT’S–OH, MY GOD IT’S CLASSIC TOM: WOW, A LOT OF ADMISSIONS PHIL: OH, LOOK AT THE TIME TOM: A LOT OF ADMISSIONS MONICA: WE’LL HAVE TO GET–YEAH MONICA: A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENED IN THAT DRESSING ROOM THAT WE DIDN’T KNOW TOM: WOW SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANSWERING THE QUE– I HAVE ABOUT 1,000 MORE FROM FANS, AND MAYBE IN THE FUTURE, WE CAN GET MORE OF THOSE ANSWERED RAY: YEAH, ANOTHER TIME PATTY: OK ANYWAY, THAT WRAPS IT UP, RIGHT, PHIL? PHIL: THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN FOR ME BOY, WHAT A TRIP. WHAT A TRIP RAY: YEAH BRAD: IT WAS GREAT IT WAS GREAT PATTY: GREAT TO SEE EVERYBODY MONICA: SO SPECIAL PHIL: YOU PUT THE THING ON, AND IT’S LIKE YOU’RE THERE AGAIN IT’S VERY NICE, VERY NICE PATTY: YEAH RAY: IT IS KIND OF SPECIAL BRAD: GRATEFUL TO ALL OF YOU GRATEFUL TO ALL OF YOU PHIL: RAY AND I ALWAYS SAY THIS TO EACH OTHER WHEN WE SEE EACH OTHER– “THANKS FOR THE GOOD LIFE.” AND I SAY THAT TO ALL OF YOU RAY: YEAH PATTY: LIKEWISE BRAD: YOU TOO THANK YOU RAY: YEAH, THIS WAS FUN, BOY THIS WAS– AND FOR A GREAT CAUSE, YOU KNOW, SO THAT’S ALL GOOD BRAD: AND WE MISS YOU, PETER, AND WE LOVE YOU, AND YOU TOO, DORIS PATTY: AND DORIS, YEAH PHIL: AW, LOOK AT THAT MONICA: AND THANK YOU, LORAINE THANK YOU, LORAINE PHIL: THANK YOU, LORAINE! PATTY: THANKS, LORAINE BOYLE PHIL: YAY, LORAINE BRAD: WE LOVE YOU, TOO RAY: LET’S NOT FORGET SAWYER LET’S NOT FORGET SAWYER SWEETEN, TOO PATTY: AND SAWYER MONICA: YES BRAD: SAWYER SWEETEN PHIL: AND DORIS ROBERTS PATTY: AND FRED AND GEORGIA MONICA: IN OUR HEARTS PHIL: AND FRED AND GEORGIA AND KATHERINE AND ROBERT PATTY: AND ROBERT BRAD: YEAH RAY: ALL RIGHT, GUYS, SEE YOU SOON PATTY: BYE, GUYS LOVE YOU BRAD: GOOD-BYE, EVERYBODY MONICA: MUCH LOVE RAY: BYE PHIL: LOVE YOU GUYS BRAD: LOVE YOU THIS SHOW IS MADE POSSIBLE IN PART BY OUR GENEROUS SPONSORS THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT IN THE SEARCH FOR A CURE