Review Zelda Skyward Sword

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Review Zelda Skyward Sword

Whatever you think of this latest Zelda installment I think we can all agree on one thing: The main theme kicks ass And as you might already know, It’s actually Zelda’s Lullaby, which first appeared in A Link to the Past Only backwards! And the result is simply amazing It’s got nothing to do with the original, but it’s just as beautiful, so that really is mind-blowing There’s nothing to say, just enjoy I don’t know who came up with this idea of reversing the music But it’s pure genius Might’ve been Koji Kondo, I know he worked on the soundtrack So was it really him who thought of that? I don’t know Regardless, hello everybody Hooper here, and today IT IS FINALLY TIME for the review of the latest Zelda title: Zelda Skyward Sword, the Wii Zelda, the Wii Remote Zelda Or rather, the motion gaming Zelda The blah-blah Zelda Hey, it rhymes “The blah-blah Zelda…” “See ya!” Okay, let’s not start talking nonsense already, the video just started This isn’t a live commentary, I thought it’d be more convenient that way And I’d like it to be short and to the point Well, I say that every time, yet we always end up going over the hour mark, so This one probably won’t be any different But, if I can keep it 20 minutes, I will It’d be surprising, but I’d do it I won’t talk about the dungeons too much, since we already have a bunch of videos of me playing through them, I think it’d be pointless Maybe sum things up real quick, but nothing more The idea is that someone watching this video has also seen all of my other videos So you’re supposed to know what I think of the series, and you’ve seen the dungeon videos already

Meaning you know what the gameplay is like, what the items are like The fighting mechanics, how the bosses go So yeah, no need to go into more detail here, I’ll just give you my opinion What I liked, didn’t like, a conclusion, and that’s it But first of all! I have to say, Skyward Sword’s greatest flaw lies within its physics It has no physics No physics engine Zelda or not, for a modern game to have no physics engine The chairs, especially Try all you want, ram into them even, nothing happens, they’re glued to the floor Same goes for everything else, no physics, anywhere And that quite simply makes my blood boil That was a joke, by the way I know many people don’t like it when I complain about the physics in games And while it IS true that there is none in this one, it doesn’t matter Although, even if it was a joke It might be worth thinking about I mean, why wouldn’t physics matter in Zelda games, after all? Regardless, just a joke to start off the video, of course, I don’t care about the physics in this game, don’t worry! Please don’t throw tomatoes at me! Anyway, I’ll kick things off with the three major issues I have with this game I modestly called it “the fail trilogy” The triple fail combo What’s it all about? First of all “The open-air loading area” I’ll naturally explain what it is later on Second of all “The sluggish Wiimote” Keep in mind, I’m talking about the Wiimote, not the gameplay itself Gameplay’s excellent And third of all, last problem with this game Well, last of its major problems anyway, because there’s a scary amount of minor issues besides those To be honest I have this little index card in front of me I sometimes have one during my reviews, with both positive and negative points on it What I do is draw a line down the middle, and list the pros on one side, cons on the others And it’s usually pretty balanced But here, it’s alarming Because there’s 4 times more negative points than positive ones! There’s like 2 or 3 things in the “pros” side, that’s scary! And I know what you’re thinking: “For crying out loud Hooper, are you really gonna rip that game a new one?” Well, no, I liked this Zelda, don’t worry It’s just that taking a look at my notes, and seeing all this negativity It’s a little scary, really Anyway, third major issue: The layout of the different areas is like 10 years behind It’s insanely old school It’s as if Nintendo was stuck in a bubble and hasn’t evolved at all This game could’ve come out 10 years ago And I’m not just talking about the technical aspects, everything is dated! I think that’s what struck me the most about the game Playing it, I had many times where I thought to myself: “Gosh, is this game old school It’s insane what Nintendo quote on quote “dared” to do with it.” It’s insane, truly They disregarded anything invented in video games in the last 10 years! So they just throw that at you and I guess you can take it two ways You can think it’s complete bullshit Or you can go with the old french adage: “old pots give the best recipes.” Or is it “old pots make the best soup”, whatever, something like that!

Anyway, that’s what I call the “fail trilogy”, I’ll explain later But before that I want to make it clear that yes, I liked that game Why? Because I got my share of enjoyment out of it. I had fun with it And of course, in games, fun is what ultimately matters A game that’s not fun can’t be good, simple as that Fun can be anything from gameplay, to what the game feels like The challenge, the story There are many kinds of fun But in the end, the game just has to be fun, or it doesn’t work This Zelda is fun, for the enjoyment you get playing it Doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense, but again, I’ll try to explain later on I’ll also be comparing it to older Zelda titles, only the 3D ones Since, in my opinion, the 2D games are too different You can’t compare Link to the Past to Ocarina of Time, for instance Well, I do like the former better, but really You’ve got the 2D games on one side, and the 3D ones on the other They’re apples and oranges, trying to compare the two doesn’t make sense Not only that, but if you ask me, to this day Nothing has managed to surpass Link to the Past and Link’s Awakening And that’s probably because we were at the peak of 2D gaming at the time 2D had been mastered, that’s what we knew best It’s not just that of course, these two games had more to offer but it was at the height of 2D gaming, when we’re nowhere near the height of 3D gaming The “true”, definitive, 3D Zelda game, that’ll put Link to the Past and Link’s Awakening in their place to me, hasn’t come out yet But it’ll happen One day we’ll get a 3D Zelda game and go: “There it is, this game is on equal footing with the best 2D Zelda games.” Well, not this time for sure So as I was saying, I’ll be comparing it with the other 3D Zelda Let’s start with the very previous one: Twilight Princess I won’t be getting into too much detail since I do plan on making a full-on review of it But Twilight Princess deeply bored me As soon as I was halfway through it, I had to force myself to go on Forced myself, really Because it was Zelda Sure I was bored shitless, but I couldn’t give up, it’s Zelda And a console Zelda game, too I make a difference between these and handheld Zelda games Not that they’re any less good, but I consider them to be second class Zelda installments That’s not a nice thing to say, but that’s pretty much what I think So yeah, I beat it, but it really was difficult It’s crazy how bored I got Might be because I played it on the Wii With the Wiimote gameplay and all I’ll go through it again before my review anyway, on Gamecube this time I didn’t know it at the time, but it’s obvious to me now, that the best version is the Gamecube one Weird that no critic mentioned it at the time Not one of them to explain that the gameplay was better on Gamecube, not one When almost everybody agrees on that now But we’ll come back to that in the Twilight Princess video So that’s something Skyward Sword has going for it: It didn’t bore me! I had fun with it Wasn’t anything special either, but I still had fun I’ve invested more than 50 hours into it, and at no point did I have to force myself to keep going I kept going because I was having fun, and wanted to know how it ended I would go further and say that, even with The Wind Waker And I guess what I’m about to say might startle a lot of people But that’s just my worthless opinion I’m just an asshole making amateur reviews on the internet, don’t take me too seriously kids!

Wind Waker is the same story, I had to force myself to finish it It wasn’t quite as bad as in Twilight Princess, but I did get sick of it I’m mostly referring to a certain Triforce quest, if you see what I mean I kept on playing solely because it was Zelda, but it did get me extremely bored All that to say that Skyward Sword managed to get me interested And even if it didn’t “move” me by any stretch of the imagination, it kept me interested until the end, and that’s what stands out to me Anyway, after this overly long intro, it might be time to get into the heart of the matter So where could we begin, let me look at my notes for a second I know where I’m going, but I’m not sure in what order I should go about it And that’s why this is an amateur review It’s actually the difference between amateur stuff and professional stuff And I like amateurism, mind you I’m not dissing professional reviews of course, But I like this casual side to it, no fuss, no stress, and I don’t even know where to start off I like that I know it’s not everyone’s case, some people like it, others don’t, so If you do, keep liking it, and if you don’t keep not liking it, I guess Not much else to say! Anyway, we’ll kick things off with Alright, let’s go with the story, first I won’t get into too much detail about the plot, though, look it up on the internet if you wish As you know, it’s the series’ 25th anniversary As a little aside, I find that funny- Ah fuck, I realize this video’s gonna take forever again, I’m sorry So, a little aside The 25th anniversary of the series What I find funny is that… lately, there’s been this anniversary trend going on And it’s decided both randomly and arbitrarily What usually happens is that a big site like IGN has this news going something like “Happy Birthday Mario Kart”, I don’t know And in a matter of hours, thousands upon thousands of smaller sites repeat the news and go: “Yeah, it’s Mario Kart’s anniversary!” And that always cracks me up Because you can tell they pick the games at random Why am I telling you this? Well 5 years ago, in 2006, it was Zelda’s 20th anniversary And at around that time, a little game called Twilight Princess came out But nobody mentioned it, Nintendo didn’t go all “Hey look, the series’ 20 years old, look at what we’re doing for the occasion!” Why? I have a little theory I think Twilight Princess was so anticipated, that it didn’t need any more hype around it When Skyward Sword is a different story It didn’t get quite the same buzz that Twilight Princess did So Nintendo realized the series was 25 years old, took advantage of it, and made everyone believe it was a 25th anniversary special So yeah, funny that nobody cared for its 20th anniversary And that’s how it goes for a lot of other big series, nobody cares Unless IGN, Gametrailers or Famitsu randomly decide to point it out, and that’s when everyone start going: “Yeah, Happy Birthday!” I think it’s funny! And don’t worry, I’m not being mean or anything Anyway, the story It’s kind of a disappointment for me I usually don’t expect much of the story in Zelda games

I just go with it, with Link, Zelda, the Triforce, Impa and all With Ganon showing up at the end, sometimes That kind of little nods to the series, just good fun overall, and easy to follow But what we have here is supposed to be the genesis of the series So we’re supposed to learn how it all started and everything And while we do learn a little bit I was expecting much more, sorry to say Much, much more, really I had like 10 questions in mind, and the game only answered 3 of them That’s just not enough, I’m sorry So what do we learn anyway? We learn how Excalibur, aka the Master Sword, was created Well, more like “The Master Sword, aka Excalibur”, really It wasn’t until the internet came along that we learned Excalibur was never a thing That it’s french or European version only, when it’s always been called the “Master Sword” everywhere else But at the time, well, since even Link to the Past called it “Excalibur”, that’s what everyone said Anyway, just a little aside So yeah, we learn how the Master Sword was created, so that’s pretty cool Especially because you actually have something to do with it, it’s not passive You’re on first line, and there’s a bunch of interesting little winks But aside from that… Well you learn about Link and Zelda but it was pretty obvious from the start, so it’s nothing too surprising I mean, Zelda being the reincarnation of the Goddess We’ve been suspecting that for quite some time now So they didn’t really put too much thought into it But some other things I didn’t understand Like the Hylian Shield, for example To me, it’s supposed to be fairly important in the Zelda series But as it turns out, the Hylian Shield As you know if you’ve watched my Thunder Dragon Challenge video, it’s just a gift from said Dragon What the fuck? Is it just me, or is it a little weird? So what they’re telling us is that Link’s ultimate shield, the Hyrule Shield, the Hylian Shield, is just a gift But not only that, is the way you get it! You have to take down 8 or 9 bosses that you’ve faced already, in a row Which doesn’t even make any sense, by the way I mean, picture that in Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, or Wind Waker A minigame where you have to fight all of the bosses you killed already It’s weird and it’s unrealistic So that’s weird, but the gift itself, the Shield, is even weirder Because that means the origin of that famous shield is actually Well, you get the idea! Am I the only one who finds that weird? Maybe, maybe Anyway, yes, I was a little disappointed overall I’m wondering if I should talk about the ending and spoil it here Whatever, I’ll talk about it, the game’s been out for more than a year now I took my sweet time to play it and make that video It allows me to take a step back, you know? I’ve been thinking about what I’m about to tell you for months now So this video isn’t complete freestyle It’s not planned out, and I’m not sure how to word what I want to say But my opinion itself has been etched in my mind for a few months Keep that in mind, I’m not rushing this review in the slightest So yeah, I think I’ll spoil the ending I’m guessing anyone interested in the game played it already And if you’re interested in it but still haven’t played it, well Don’t listen to what I’m about to say Or do, I don’t care

Do as you wish! Alright, so the final boss “Demise” How easy Demise is like this, uh This boss from hell It’s Sauron, pretty much A “Sauron-like”, if you will How easy… How easy And so Ganon is the reincarnation of the ruler of hell, “Demise” Alright, okay Alright Okay I had this theory about Groose slowly wriggling its way into my head And I thought to myself “Fuck, Nintendo completely missed the boat…” Groose was the perfect character to get possessed killed And merged with the Imprisoned Who’d have become Demise, before becoming Ganondorf himself Now that would’ve been a great idea Because that would’ve explained why Ganon is still interested in the Triforce, and Zelda, whom he knows intrinsi- intrinsically Now there’s a word I don’t use very often: “In-trin-si-cally” He knows her Just like he does Link Since Groose’s got this rivalry going on with him And he has a crush on Zelda And he’s interested by power Not to mention, he’s built like Ganon The dude’s hefty He’s a freaking tank! He would’ve been great as Ganon Demise or the Imprisoned should’ve absorbed him, just like Cell did Android 17 and 18! That would’ve created Ganon Nintendo had this crazy opportunity in front of them, and they missed it! And instead they went with some very basic shit that nobody gives a damn about! When they had this amazing stuff with Groose, and they didn’t see it! That, or they thought about it, but just didn’t want to kill Groose off Because yes, it is a Zelda game after all, and killing people ain’t nice, kids! It ain’t purry-purry! It might just be that. Even if some characters have died in Zelda They were never as important as Groose is in this one I don’t know, but there had to be something better to do with him, don’t lie So yeah, the story is a letdown overall And then there’s Ghirahim, oh boy No, I’m sorry, no And it’s not just his design, I don’t care about it anyway, but the character himself is pointless His motivation and personality are crap! It’s crap! All he does, from beginning to end is show up at the end of every dungeon, either before, or as the boss… which you have to fight three times by the way I’ll get back to that whole “recycling” issue in a bit But by God is this character useless “Ha ha ha, I’m the strongest! Hey you’re mean, I’m going to kill you because I’m the bad guy!” You can’t do that anymore mister Nintendo! It was alright 20 or 25 years ago, but You can’t do that nowadays, you just can’t Someone’s got to tell them, they don’t know, they’re in a bubble! You can’t do that, you need to stop now You need to stop making villains only worthy of a cartoon for 8 year olds You can’t do that anymore That needs to stop I know it’s difficult, you’re gonna have to break your habits, but you need to stop It’s no good It’s no purry-purry Anyway, that’s it for the story As I said, I was expecting much more than this, and it just didn’t happen It might also be because of that infamous timeline they’ve been forcing down our throats for the past few years… They even had a book about it The Zelda timeline Now that’s a good piss-take, kids!

That’s just for brain dead Zelda fans, who were convinced there was a timeline and have been making a fuss about it for the longest time I’ve personally never believed in a Zelda timeline, and because I’m very stubborn, I still don’t The whole split thing that takes place during Link to the Past or Ocarina of Time, I don’t remember That’s nonsense! Got to realize that It’s non-freaking-sense! To try and make sense of it all, they come up with THREE timelines! I mean WHAT?! And worst of all are the fans who’re all like: “oh yea tis a gud timeline, amazin timeline!” Guys Nintendo just came up with that, it’s make-believe! Time to stop believing in that! I’m sorry, I’m losing my temper, I’m being mean, bad-mouthing, sarcastic, whatever But there are some things I just can’t take anymore And that whole timeline thing, that fans actually do go along with They buy it! They freaking BUY IT! For fuck’s sake guys, wake up! Just like in ToeJam and Earl Wake up! There is no timeline! There’s like 2 or 3 games that kinda sorta follow each other, and even then, not every piece fits But if you’re a little lenient, it can work But if we’re talking every episode in the series, there is no timeline Do as I do, and remember that every Zelda game is unique, they just share some common tropes, have a few nods to each other here and there, and zat’s all There’s no fucking timeline, shut up about that I know some people in the comments will be all like: “Actually Hooper, look at the timeline, blah blah blah…” Well, if you want to believe it, more power to you, keep believing Just leave me alone with that, to me there is none, Nintendo simply clutched at straws when they saw that it was possible They did it But the “3 timelines” thing alone Give me a break Please stop trying to bullshit us, mister Nintendo, okay? Got to draw the line somewhere Well, that’s it for the story! I guess that 20 minutes video isn’t looking so hot now, but it doesn’t matter M Mm Mmm Mmmm Mmmmh Mmmmh Mmmmh Mmmmh What could we talk about? I could go over some good things, since I’ve been pretty harsh on the game so far So what do my notes say? Oh that’s right, yeah That’s the game’s greatest strength to me This one Zelda is a unique installment It’s both original, and unique You need to understand, and most of all, realize that It’s not just another Zelda they released to please the fans and keep them waiting Well, I guess it could be, but there’s more to it This Zelda is completely unique and original That to me is one of its greatest strengths, and I think we’ll remember, play, and still discuss it in the future There won’t another Zelda game quit like it Not just because of the Wiimote controls Actually, we still don’t know if the following games, particularly the WiiU one, will have any kind of motion control to it or not It might play with the GamePad alone Or even the Classic Controller, you know, the Xbox 360 pad rip-off We don’t know If I had to place bets, I’d say it’ll make use of the GamePad Honestly though, if they were to keep the Wiimote controls, and make them a tad better I wouldn’t mind, because this one game plays great They’d still have to improve on them, and have the Wiimote be more “receptive” If they can do that I’m not against them making another motion controlled Zelda title But if they can’t, if what we have here is the best they can possibly pull off with the Wii Motion Plus Then, the question remains unanswered

I really don’t know Either way, it’ll be very interesting to see whether or not Nintendo keeps them Very, very interesting indeed I’m eagerly waiting to hear Nintendo’s statement on this Moshun gaming orr not, that eez ze kweshun So yeah, it’s an original Zelda game and all And aside from its gameplay Its also because of its visual style It’s got that uh I don’t know if there’s a word to describe it It’s got this kind of speckled look to it Looking in the distance, all you can see is specks, it’s a little bizarre Sort of a painting, or watercolors feel It has its charm It’s not quite as unique as The Wind Waker, where it was pure cel shading But still, you couldn’t find textures like these in any other game It’s pixelated and everything, but they still managed to give this Zelda a unique style That’s no small feat! So that’s why this installment is one of a kind And another very important thing I’ll discuss right now It’s how the very game is layed out That had never been seen before in a Zelda game If you recall, that was one of the issues of my “fail trilogy” It’s what I called “the layout of the areas” That’s 10 years behind, and very old school Well, let’s talk about that Just got to get myself some water first, I’m parched I sure needed that So, the layout of the different areas How can I explain? In Skyward Sword, you have 4 major zones: The Sky, where you can ride your bird Then you have 3 other zones on land: The Woods, the Volcano, and the Desert And they’re very much segmented Can’t go to the Woods if you’re at the Volcano, can’t reach the Volcano if you’re in the Desert Et cetera, et cetera They’re not linked together And in my opinion, that’s one of the flaws of this game, because it breaks the immersion and the feeling of adventure… I’ll come back to that So the game is completely segmented That too makes it unique and original but it’s also because How to explain? For instance, at the beginning, you’re tasked to go into the Woods So you do just that You’re then asked to go back to Skyloft, Skyloft being the only village in the game, sort of this island floating above the clouds, reminds me of the kingdom of Zeal in Chrono Trigger So yeah, no other village, that’s pretty appalling as well Okay I guess Nintendo had their reasons So back in Skyloft, you’re then tasked to go to the Volcano, which you do Back in Skyloft again, you’re now told to go to the Desert, so you do that Before being asked to go to the Woods again, then the Volcano, and the Desert And one more time, Woods, Volcano, Desert That’s how it goes, right until the end When you put it this way If you don’t know what game this is, you might be thinking it’s shit I mean, if someone were to go up to me and say that, that’s what I’d think And I’d be right, it’s shit But it’s good smelling shit, because it’s from Nintendo, so it’s well put together It’s not anyone’s shit It’s high class shit Nintendo shit And Nintendo shit smells great! It’s high-level!

It’s bullshit, but it’s high-level bullshit! That’s why it works, it’s high-level shit It’s difficult to grasp, and my crappy explanation doesn’t help, but But I’m still gonna try and get you to understand my viewpoint Yes, it’s shit, so why does it work? Because it’s fun It’s fun, quite simply And why is it fun? Well these areas That feel more like stages, really I mean, they could’ve squeezed an ice world in there Let’s go with a snow world! Inferno world! Aquatic world! Space world! Alien world! It probably wouldn’t have felt too out of place at this point They have so little in common, it feels like you’re playing a different game It’s weird, right? So why is it still fun? I’ve thought about it for months And in the end, I think it’s fun because What they have you do in these areas are minigames, pretty much This Zelda is full of minigames In the previous games, minigames were very much optional, you were free to ignore them all you want But in Skyward Sword, they’re mandatory, and part of the main storyline It’s usually one or two minigames before you can reach the dungeon, beat the dungeon, beat the boss, and it’s back to minigames again I compared this to an amusement park That’s what it is, really It’s a funfair Get into a new area, and it turns out to be an amusement park You’re asked to play little games, so it’s like an amusement park Speaking of which, in Lanayru Desert there’s even a freaking roller coaster! They nailed it, it IS a fairground! That’ll make some carnies happy! So of course it’s fun, roller coasters are fun Who doesn’t like a good old roller coaster ride? Come on, they’re always a lot of fun Well, there you go, it’s fun, so have one in Lanayru Desert! All we need now is a Ferris Wheel in the Woods Well, I guess it has the Great Tree already You could make the argument that the Great Tree would fit in an amusement park A giant tree Eh, why not? Might be a little far-fetched, but that’s how I feel about it Playing this game, you don’t feel like you’re on an adventure It’s not epic, it doesn’t have a lot of big, memorable moments That’s disappointing I could even name the only three moments that made me go: “There, now that’s some sweet Zelda goodness!” There are only three Three moments And I’m guessing you’re expecting to see the Sand Sea among these Well, not even That was a letdown for me I had heard about it, but I sincerely didn’t find it to be anything special Its under-exploited, it doesn’t last very long, and nothing happens I fail to see the genius in that, sorry. So no Sand Sea First of all, the encounter with Levias Magnificent So what exactly is Levias? It’s a NPC A flying whale Very oneiric One of the few moments that felt a little magical It’s like finally, something happens, after 40 hours or so It’s just beautiful, just look at that At first you got to fight him, because he’s plagued by a parasite And it takes place in the sky,

it’s actually the only time you’ll fight riding your bird The Sky is completely under-exploited as well anyway, we’ll get to that later So yeah, the battle with Levias is amazing, you have to remove the parasites and all And just seeing that giant flying whale swimming through the clouds That’s what I expect from a game that wants to carry me away On top of that, you can dive off of your bird at any point, and get into a free fall… It’s very well executed, feels like Pilotwings a little You can either slow down or speed up Gameplay’s just perfect on this, very Pilotwings-like And so what I found myself doing, after getting rid of the whale’s parasite was going as high as possible, before getting off of the bird, and trying to land on the whale’s back, since it’s got sorta of a platform on it It’s not too hard, but I had fun with that I realize the best times I had didn’t even come from the game itself, it was stuff I made up, something’s wrong here! Anyway, the encounter with Levias is just magical That’s the word So once you’ve freed him from his parasite, the thunderstorm fades off and the sky comes back to normal What sucks though is that it’s a separate zone, some kind of closed sphere, so the whale is stuck in there When it would’ve been awesome being able to see it fly from Skyloft That alone would’ve made me add one point to the game’s score! But nope, that doesn’t happen, Levias is stuck inside a fucking prison, which is actually a loading zone inside another loading zone! Applause, please! Seriously, putting a separate area inside the loading zone That’s quite the accomplishment, people at Nintendo, I’m sorry! And with that, let’s get back to the first issue of the “fail trilogy” “The open-air loading area” “Conceived by Nintendo himself”! So what is it about? Let’s be frank, I’m beating a dead horse here, everyone mentioned it already But it’s so blatant I can’t possibly overlook it So The Sky, let me explain As you know, Link can fly around on a bird in this game A mere few hours in, you can already fly and go wherever you want The problem is that you quickly notice that the flying area is minuscule but most importantly, there are next to no interesting islands to visit Half of the numerous little islands you see in the distance aren’t even islands, they’re rocks! They’re pebbles! Stones, usually with an enemy on top, throwing shit at you You can’t even land on them! Even if you could, it’d be pointless given how small they are So that’s half of them Aside from these I’d say 30 to 40% of them are a tad bigger, like 30 feet or something And they have a locked chest on them You unlock them from the Surface, so we’re talking the Woods, the Volcano, or the Desert

You have to find Goddess Cubes and hit them with a Skyward Strike, making them shoot into the Sky, unlocking corresponding chests You can track said chests using the map, so you know which ones you’ve unlocked so far That’s how you get what’s inside, usually rupees or pieces of heart So these islands are useless, you visit them once to get the treasure, and you’re done So you might be wondering if there’s anything other than Skyloft, around there Well, yes, there is But it’s so trifling I’m ashamed to talk about it I’m ashamed for Nintendo It’s simply ridiculous You got Fun Fun Island, which is an unlockable minigame Pumpkin Landing, which houses a pub, and is the second biggest- Well, “biggest” More like the least small island after Skyloft Because even this one is ludicrously tiny It’s just one house, with three NPCs inside And everything else is mere nothing Another minigame has you cutting a bamboo as quickly as possible Beedle’s Island serves no purpose either There’s nothing to be found That’s complete bullshit I hadn’t used that word quite yet, but the Sky is a complete fiasco It’s ZE fiasco You might’ve noticed these giant beams, by the way There’s a green, a yellow, and a red one, if I remember correctly These are respectively the entrance to the Woods, the Desert, and the Volcano And from beginning to end, they’re the only way to get to these areas No warping Unbelievable You have an musical instrument, and you can’t warp with it Sta-ggering Stag, and gering together Unbelievable That’s one hell of a piss-take But let’s get back to the Sky and its islands first And boy What to say How to describe the ignominy of it The worst is, every time you want to go back to Skyloft, and of course, you’ll be doing that a lot there’s a loading time Which means that Nintendo failed to make the transition real time Guess the hardware wasn’t powerful enough Un-believable Think back to Wind Waker Wind Waker’s ocean: Not even one loading time You can roam the entire ocean Which has MUCH more islands by the way, and they’re MUCH bigger And it happens in real time There is no loading time, if you see an island on the horizon, say Windfall Island, the biggest village in the game, with loads of NPCs Get closer, and closer No loading time, you just reach it, and you’re free to visit It was quick, it was glorious, and it was TEN YEARS AGO! Freaking insane! How’s that for a fiasco?! It’s worse than a fiasco even! It’s inexplicable! It’s beyond understanding!

If Skyloft was full of NPCs, had a lot going on at all time, or some random or dynamic events I’d be okay with it, that’s a lot to handle, and the Wii’s not exactly a beast That’d make sense But it’s not the case here In Skyloft there’s like three locals! Three locals, that’s all! That’s what I don’t get! There’s no dynamic or random event going on You see what I mean? Seriously now, how many people are there? I’m talking outside of course, since getting into a house triggers another loading time If we’re just talking outside I think 10 NPCs is being generous It’s probably something like 6 or 7 of them, that’s it That’s incomprehensible, how did they fail to keep the whole thing uninterrupted? There’s always this one loading time, and it’s unbearable Because you’ll be going back and forth to this village a few hundred times So you can’t have that You can’t Especially when you see that no other island needs a loading time Whether it be the pumpkin island or any other little island And thank God for that, because it would’ve been a complete infamy But it should’ve been the same for Skyloft, of course it should’ve! I mean come on Water time! Jesus H Christ That Sky really is something On the other hand, I still haven’t explained why I called it “open-air loading area” As I kind of explained earlier The only way to get to the three main areas, the Woods, the Volcano, and the Desert is via these holes in the clouds, with the beams That’s the only way, and of course, you’ll be doing a lot of back and forth That’s why I call it the “open-air loading area”, because this part of the Sky is just useless You only ever need to visit every island ONCE And that’s for the islands with something to do on them You never get back to them at any point The only thing you do in the Sky is come out of the holes and head for Skyloft That’s all there is to it! So that’s just a loading area, there’s nothing to do in it Whenever you need to get from Skyloft to the Volcano, for instance, you have to suffer through 3 good minutes of loading time Let’s say you’re in Skyloft. Just getting on of your bird requires a loading time Then, you need to fly to the entrance of the Volcano area, so that’s about 2 minutes You then jump into the hole, triggering another loading time And even then you’re not there yet, Because you also need to choose a Bird Statue, which will bring you to any place you’ve already visited And once again is another loading time So you have to wait through three loading times, plus the time it takes you to fly to the entrance And even worse, another crazy thing Let’s say you’re somewhere in the Volcano area now And you want to get to another Bird Statue, well, you can either go on foot, but let’s say you want to fast travel there, because walking can take a while, especially in the huge Desert area You can’t just go find a statue and warp to another

It doesn’t work You know what you need to do? You have to get back to the Sky, so that’s one loading time Then, immediately turn around and go back Dive off of your bird and fall into the hole again And finally choose which statue you want to travel to That’s so clumsy it looks like a programming quirk It’s incomprehensible Didn’t the beta testers realize how tedious this is? Didn’t they see the problem? Well, I guess not That’s unbelievably substandard Especially coming from Nintendo, whose games are usually very polished But it seems they didn’t notice the problems here When some of them stick out a mile That or they simply failed to fix them The loading time before getting into Skyloft is like Nintendo saying: “Sorry, but our console is so pathetically weak we couldn’t do otherwise.” That’s basically a confession “The Wii’s been out for 5 years, and this is our most ambitious game…” “but see, we still couldn’t pull it off…” “That console truly is a piece of shit…” That’s what they’re saying! “It’s so shitty we couldn’t even make a proper Zelda game!” I know, I’m being mean right now I don’t know what it’ll end up sounding like I’m not trying to be mean or anything, I just want to point out that there are some things Nintendo can’t get away with And I can’t comprehend it That’s why I’m talking about it I don’t get that the Wii, no matter how weak it may be, fails to render a village as empty as Skyloft, with 5 NPCs in it without resorting to a loading time I personally can’t comprehend it That’s the problem With that said now that we went over how much of a joke the Sky is What could we talk about? Ah yes, I was talking about my three favorite moments, before interrupting myself Alright, so my favorite parts I’m sorry, this video is all over the place again, but you know the drill, that’s Hooper for you So yeah, Levias, not gonna go over it again, I loved that part Not to mention, if you’ve played Link’s Awakening before It’ll obviously speak to you that much more Anyway, second great moment The flooded Faron Woods I warned you there’d be some spoilers Faron Woods, submerged by water Beautiful, Nintendo at their best And it’s technically impressive, too No fog or clipping to be found anywhere, and what’s in the distance isn’t even blurred out, or “specky”, like in other levels Simply beautiful Not only does the water look great But you can actually see the entire forest from the surface, and go anywhere you want in it Truly a great idea to have the woods flooded like so Under like 300 feet of water I really loved this part And it comes out of nowhere, too! This is the kind of moment this game needed so much more of Loved it

It’s a minigame, by the way, as I said, this game’s like an amusement park! So another fun minigame, you have to collect music notes This is in order to reassemble the Song of the Hero There are 3 ordeals to go through: one in the woods, one in the Volcano, and one in the Desert, as usual Each time completing a melody, before combining them all into one: The Song of the Hero And if I’m not mistaking, it’s actually one of the main themes of the series Well I think it’s a well-known theme anyway, I don’t remember how it goes Most of the famous Zelda themes you’ll get to hear are near the end anyway Before that, the majority of the songs are brand new, which is a good thing, it makes for less rehash, no Kakariko Village remix, for instance But they went a little more crazy at the end, that’s when you finally get to hear some familiar tunes Stuff you’ve been waiting to hear for 50 hours, pretty much And it makes sense, since this installment is supposed to recount the series’ Genesis, so hearing the classic Zelda themes at the end only is understandable So yeah, getting back to the flooded Woods The music notes you collect are actually tadpoles you need to catch by swimming over them So that’s how you put the Song of the Hero back together Well, the Water Dragon’s portion of it, anyway There’s also a Thunder Dragon in the Desert, and a Fire Dragon in the Volcano And it’s just beautiful, I just loved swimming through the Woods like that That’s something I liked a lot, which might be why I had so much fun with the game in general Backtracking to the different areas didn’t really bother me Because each time you do, something about them is different They never have you do the same thing again, of course, that’d be stupid For example, on your first trip to the Woods, you can’t explore much It’s only the bottom part of the forest, and it’s small and linear Quite the regression, it feels like Final Fantasy XIII and its hallways But on your second time around, you can get to the Great Tree, it’s a whole new part of the Woods to explore And on your third time around, it’s flooded Same goes for both the Desert and the Volcano When you go back to the Volcano for the third time, still on your quest to rewrite the Song of the Hero You have this completely new phase, that plays like Metal Gear Solid! That’s what it is, you’re impersonating Snake It’s a lot darker, a bunch of goblins have seized the area, you have these guard towers with searchlights on them, that you have to avoid getting spotted by It’s infiltration, as crazy as it sounds Somewhat reminiscent of the Hyrule Castle bit in Ocarina of Time It’s at the beginning, if I remember correctly You need to avoid guards along the way in order to meet with Zelda Kind of the same here, only with goblins instead And the goal is to get your equipment back from them, so you’re stealthily going through the whole place again, and every chest you find holds one of the items you’ve previously gathered But the goblins took them away after catching you See? This game doesn’t give you time to get bored It’s not a grand and epic adventure, but there’s always something going on, so it never gets boring However, it lacks any kind of exploration and research Never did I go back to an area just to explore it again And that in my opinion is a huge flaw, It could’ve been part of the “fail trilogy” Well, that would’ve made it a “fail quadrilogy”, I suppose With no exploration you don’t feel like you’re on an adventure with a capital “A”

You don’t discover anything, you just do what you’re told to: “Go to the Woods and do this.” “Go to the Desert and do that.” “Then go back to Skyloft.” “Go to the Volcano and do that, then go back to Skyloft again.” “To the Woods again, then Skyloft” That’s how it goes for the 50 hours you spend playing. That’s not an adventure It doesn’t transport you You see what I mean? I don’t know if I’m being clear or not I never found myself going back to an area just for the heck of it When I did in the older games Let’s take I don’t know Ocarina of Time, the first 3D Zelda game And I’m not even that big a fan of it, as you know I love it, don’t get me wrong But it was a letdown for me at the time, since I didn’t see it as better than Link to the Past or Link’s Awakening I got better with time, though, don’t worry! But even taking that into account I still had times where I would boot up the game, solely for the pleasure of revisiting certain areas Because I found it enjoyable Just running through Hyrule Fields is fun in itself, even if it’s fairly empty, don’t lie It’s very empty even, but just riding Epona through it is a pleasure How about a little trip to Lake Hylia? I could just sit down and relax, while listening to the soothing music It’s simply beautiful And that’s just the N64, in 1998 It’s Nintendo’s magic at work, you can’t explain it Let me just equip my Iron Boots and look around for a secret a little bit, then fish for a while, before going to Kakariko Village to chat with locals, and listen to its amazing theme I did that on multiple occasions back then, because it was just pleasant Ask me if I’d like to do the same in this one, going back to the Woods, the Volcano, the Desert, or even Skyloft And I’d say no Is that just nostalgia? I don’t know But what I do know is that there’s no area in this game I’d want to go back to Not one That’s why I don’t consider this Zelda to be a journey, or a great adventure And that’s a huge flaw, games have to make you feel something, especially Zelda And there’s very little emotion in this game There’s fun, sure, but no emotion So that’s one of the gripes I have with this game Anyway, I was talking about my memorable moments I keep interrupting myself, it’s crazy… I’m sorry! So yeah, loved the flooded Woods part And the third moment I liked is the final boss fight I won’t show it off here, especially since after this review, I’ll be doing a Final Boss+Ending video anyway So if you’re interested, there you go, see for yourself The reason I liked it so much is because, well It was about time we got something epic Finally, an epic fight, with an epic music, and epic visuals It’s just a fight against one dude, but it’s very well executed The staging is great, the sound effects are great, the music’s epic And it’s just gorgeous… The particle effects in particular are splendid You don’t get that with the other bosses If you put that next to the Ghirahim fights It’s just pitiful!

I’m sorry, but the fights with Ghirahim They’re just rubbish… Makes you wonder what they were thinking Regardless, the final fight, one of my three favorite moments in the game These are the three parts I really liked, everything else was okay at best So next Need some water, I’m losing my voice here Um what next How about the fail trilogy? Since I only went over the open-air loading area thus far The second fail is the sluggishness of the Wiimote Don’t worry, I might seem a little harsh on the game, but it has its strong points Not only that, I consider it a must-play Zelda game Anyway, the sluggish Wiimote I’m not talking about the gameplay itself here In fact, the gameplay is the best of any of the 3D Zelda game It’s very flowing, Link is very agile It handles much better than it used to And there’s a lot of little changes to the gameplay that I personally liked I know a lot of people complained about the Stamina gauge That Mario Galaxy-like, pie-shaped indicator does look pretty bad on screen, I’ll give you that But in terms of what it brings to the table It truly is a plus, gameplay-wise Being able to run, for instance You’ll be doing that whenever you can for the entire game To me, there’s a before and an after running in Zelda It’d be hard, at least for me, to come back to a non-running Link Well, “non-sprinting”, to be exact, he does run in every game I really hope they’ll keep that in, because it makes a world of difference I mean, remember the Pegasus Boots from some of the 2D Zelda games That’s what you used for getting around the map quickly It’s more like an attack, really, but since it’s so fast, I would use them all the time in A Link to the Past Here, you don’t have to resort to a subterfuge in order to run, you just do it And there’s a lot of other interesting mechanics, like being able to climb on walls, a la Assassin’s Creed It brings something Being able to counter-attack with the shield, by shaking the Nunchuck It brings something Some of the new items are amazing as well, like the Beetle The fact of being able to move it around and explore whatever you want Per-fect The fact of being able to collect stuff with it, like bombs Perfect, just splendid Free falling, too, I mentioned it already, but it’s just awesome It’s scarcely exploited, unfortunately, borderline useless, it’s used to get to a couple chests, and that’s it, what a pity! It had so much potential, it’s only used for one sidequest in Skyloft I think There could’ve been so much more to it, in dungeons, for instance There could’ve been one solely dedicated to free falling anyway There was enough to work with What I’m getting at is that I really liked the gameplay, Link handles wonderful And that, despite the fact that the Wiimote and Nunchuk combo lacks a second stick, so you can’t move the camera as you please… But it’s never an issue! It follows Link around great, and by using the Z button, you can put it right back behind him anyway As was the case with the Mario Galaxy games, it seems that Nintendo knows how to base their gameplay around the fact that you can’t move the camera 360°

It might’ve been a problem in earlier games, but it’s not the case anymore The camera always manages to put itself in the right position Very, very, very few camera issues, now that’s a good thing So yeah, about the Wiimote being sluggish Well, despite the Wii Motion Plus, supposedly making it more reliable Its main problems persist You still get a notable latency when using it But the main issue is how inaccurate it is It’s especially noticeable when trying to draw on the Goddess Walls Trying to draw a bomb, a heart, the Triforce, or an arrow You’ll miss every other time, even if your motion is good And it’s not just the inaccuracy, it’s the fact that you can’t go fast Some parts of the game require you to be quick, when you just can’t For example, the final boss, you’ll get to see what I’m talking about in the upcoming video I attack him, and try to put up my shield immediately after, but it doesn’t work Because the Wiimote isn’t How could I phrase that..? It’s not that it’s not accurate enough It’s that it’s not uh I’m looking for the appropriate word here, give me a minute! It’s not a lack of accuracy, or it being sluggish It’s that going too fast makes it go apeshit So we could say that Maybe it’s not “responsive” enough It’s not exactly what I was looking for, but it’ll do Trying to do multiple moves in a row makes it go apeshit As you’ll see against the final boss, I’m trying to protect myself after hitting him It’s impossible to tell onscreen, but I really am shaking the Nunchuk, it just doesn’t register What you’re supposed to do is attack, wait for a full second, and only then put your shield up You have no choice but to pause in-between moves, that’s the problem You can’t chain moves, as if you really were holding a sword Can’t just go up-down-left-right quickly, it doesn’t work, you need to go Up Down Right Left Slowly Up Shield! Right Up Down That’s how it goes, can’t go fast There’s a huge lack of reactivity, and that’s not Nintendo’s fault, it’s the Wiimote’s That’s where the big issue with it lies I didn’t explain it too well, but I think you get the idea At first, I thought the controls were flawless I even praised them in my Earth Temple video, too I said the controls were perfect, and yes, that’s how I felt at the time But bit by bit, you start to notice the problems That’s also when you understand why enemies are so scarce in the dungeons Nintendo didn’t want to force the use of these mechanics, because they knew they had problems And it’s made that much more obvious at the end of the game, right before fighting Ghirahim’s last form You have to fight against a horde of enemies in the Sealed Grounds Like, hundreds of them, with a good 30 or so ganging up on you at the same time Impressive, by the way, I didn’t know the Wii could handle that But yeah, you realize how tedious it really is You just keep getting hit, and you have to wiggle the Wiimote like a madman in order to make it out okay If you try to be subtle about it, you just get your ass handed to you So that’s why Nintendo didn’t put a lot of enemies in your way, because fights aren’t necessarily this game’s greatest strength

It might seem like it at first, but it’s just an illusion When you get to the end and look at how things really work No, it just doesn’t do it It could’ve, but the sensor bar would’ve needed to be much more precise and responsive That would’ve been better If Nintendo brings back that control scheme in the future, it could totally work out, as long as it’s more reactive and accurate But as of right now, it’s not fast enough, and it messes up far too often However, if you go along with it, and agree not to move your wrist too fast, then no problem! Of course I agreed on that early on, otherwise playing this game is torture But you have to accept that, see what I mean? If you do, if you try not to be too fast, everything will go well You have to take that into account, and you have to make do Got to come to terms with that, and agree to play by the rules Nintendo put in place Can’t go all Howlibird on it, can’t pretend you’re a pro fencer, or it just turns to shit If you keep that in mind, then you’re good, perfect Some minor issues still persist, like the Wiimote recalibration Another hardware related fail The Wiimote recalibration Nintendo were so aware of the problems, that they devoted a button to it: The D-pad down button Pushing it will put the cursor back in the center of the screen Why did they add that? Because it keeps fucking up I probably pressed it a couple hundred times, especially when using the bow and similar items You simply have to recalibrate when you use them, or else You’re just asking to get in a hassle And that’s what I call a fail, kids. It’s a fail! There is no other word Nintendo is just telling us: “Well yeah, we had to dedicate a button to that, it goes apeshit otherwise Sorry for making a shitty console!” “Sorry, our motion control technology sucks! Won’t do it again, sorry!” So that was my second fail, the sluggish Wiimote Might be time to get to the third one already, wouldn’t you agree? It’s the layout of the different areas that’s 10 years behind I quickly mentioned it already, about how the areas aren’t linked together And how you end up with levels instead of areas to explore So I won’t dwell on that too much, what else could I add? Well, why do I think it’s 10 years behind in the first place? Because only Nintendo is so bold as to give us something like this Only they would dare to I find it completely How can I say..? Surreal It’s surreal Would you have expected that before playing the game? I sure didn’t Zelda games always had areas that were linked together It just feels like a platformer here Level 1-1: Woods Level 1-2: Skyloft Level 1-3: Volcano Level 1-4: Skyloft Level 1-5: Desert Level 1-6: Skyloft Level 1-8: Boss! Level 2-1: Woods Level 2-2: Skyloft Level 2-3: Temple I don’t even care anymore! Level 2-3: Volcano Level 2-4: Skyloft Level 2-5: Woods Level 2-6: Desert Temple! Boss! Skyloft! Woods! Temple! Boss! Skyloft! Woods! Alright, geez We’re in a Zelda game, Nintendo can’t afford to make something this basic What should they’ve done?

I’ll tell ya. Yup, the Hooper is gonna explain to Nintendo what they should’ve done! Here’s how I’d see it Alright, so, they wanted to have this Sky thing going on, fine But they should’ve had two hubs, one in Skyloft, and the other on land Some kind of pseudo-Hyrule Field, just like in Ocarina of Time With the Volcano on one side, the lake on the other, the castle, the Gerudo valley, the Kokiri Forest, and Kakariko Village And even with the little loading time when moving from one to the other, it still feels cohesive, it feels like a world! It feels like you’re living something, that you’re involved in it It’s not the case here They should’ve done that Add some kind of field, maybe another village as well, since Skyloft is the only one in the game I don’t know how I can get you to understand this You know, I got really lucky, because I got into Zelda with the very first game I must’ve been something like 1988 or 1989 when I got Zelda on NES I’ve known the series from the very beginning, and I’ve played all of them in order But if someone would’ve told me 20 years ago, that the future Zelda game would only have one village, that the areas wouldn’t even be linked together and that the whole thing would be cluttered with loading times Do you think I, or even you, would’ve believed that? Of course not We would’ve laughed saying : “it’s impossible, the next Zelda game will be gigantic, with thousands of square miles to explore, bosses that are 300 feet tall, giant dragons and all!” That’s what I would’ve said 20 years ago! But no giant dragon, just Ghirahim! I’m sorry I’m losing my temper, but God Anyway, that’s how I’d see it, another hub on land, along with Skyloft And they could’ve put a little village down there as well, with sidequests and all, so that we wouldn’t have had to get back to Skyloft and suffer through 5 minutes of loading time every time! That’s just not possible kids, it’s not! I’m working myself up right now, need some water Some water before I lose it, I’m starting to boil, I can feel it! Fucking geez Got to simmer down Alright, let’s have a look at my notes, see what’s left Well, the soundtrack, why not I didn’t talk about it too much, aside from the main theme And I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have another little rant here And it’s not directed at Nintendo, since the soundtrack is overall okay, it’s not bad or anything, but it won’t get me to buy the OST But I can’t stand professional critics anymore Every time a Zelda, or any other highly-anticipated game comes out, the soundtrack is always a masterpiece to them Take any Zelda game, watch them go “Wonderful” or “Splendid” It’s like any time the game is good, the soundtrack follows suit If a game is flawless, then its soundtrack is flawless as well, see? They’re not even trying, that’s how it goes for them I swear the number of aberrations I’ve read on that, whether it be on the internet, or in magazines back then It’s just unbelievable That’s a complete fail on the part of professional reviewers, sorry to say Not to mention, they got conned this time, because they say: “Yes, the soundtrack is fabulous, because it’s orchestral, kids, so it has to be!” “We used to have MIDI music, but now that it’s orchestral, it’s necessarily great.” FAIL! And these guys are being paid to come up with this crap

Come on, it’s good because it’s orchestrated now? Well, first of all, it’s wrong, of course But honestly, I listened to the OST, and it didn’t feel like all the themes were orchestral Some felt like MIDI, didn’t sound like an orchestra to me anyway The main theme did, okay The beautifully epic Sky theme as well But when it comes to the dungeon themes, or even the music of some areas like the Desert or the Volcano It doesn’t sound like an orchestra, they’re very basic stuff, really The same kind of filler music you get in every other game, so Need to stop getting in such a flap about the OST, guys A new Zelda comes out: “oh it’s Zelda, ten outta ten, wonderful.” Or a new Mario “Ten outta ten, it’s Mario, it’s wonderful.” “Soundtrack is amazing, hasn’t changed in 20 years, but it’s amazing.” “Sound effects have been the same for 30 years? Amazing!” Kind of the pot calling the kettle black here, since I love both myself Might even go as far as to call myself a fanboy, so I really shouldn’t be so mean But I still wanted to mention it real quick, it gets on my nerves Anyway, back on the OST itself The main theme, the reversed Zelda lullaby, and the Sky theme are both fantastic Skyloft’s theme, pretty catchy, reminds me of Link’s home village in In Wind Waker, that or Windfall Island, in a way Maybe even Kokiri Forest from Ocarina of Time There’s always a catchy and somewhat childlike theme somewhere, and it’s pretty good But aside from these, it’s very average, few themes stick with you It’s okay at best, it doesn’t deserve the praise it got from critics, just because it’s orchestral, I mean come on Special mention to Lanayru Desert, though It’s not anything special, but I had to listen to it for so long, since I was a little stuck That it ended up growing on me So wondering today what songs I remember from this game, Well, aside from the main theme, the Sky’s, and Skyloft’s I also remember Lanayru Desert’s Crazy, right? And I don’t know why Wonder if I can hum it right now Well, I liked this theme, it’s pretty relaxing It helped me not to get bored in the Desert too much I was humming it along the way I kind of dig it… Even if it’s pretty simplistic, I don’t know Lanayru Desert was my favorite area as a whole, anyway Not at first, though There are way too much quicksand on the first visit And I hate quicksand with a passion, regardless of the game They slow you down, and suck you in, then you got to start again, it’s horrible On top of that, you don’t know where you’re supposed to go at first The level design is very weird, it’s flat, but these walls obstruct your vision Not a fan, but when you get back to it later on, with the Sand Sea, and especially the Timeshift Stones, which probably are one of the best new gameplay ideas this Zelda has to offer I loved it, making Lanayru Desert my favorite level- Well, “level” See? I accidentally called it a “level” Imagine if I were to talk about the “Lake Hylia level” in Ocarina of Time! Oh yeah, and the “Volcano level”, the “Kokiri Forest level”, “The Hyrule level”, oh and “The Gerudo Valley level”! No, I never, ever said that!

But I can’t help but think of these as levels, stages! “Gerudo Valley stage” “Kakariko Village stage!” No, guys, there’s a problem here! You can do that in Mario, but not in a Zelda game, it’s not the same! Dumbing your games down, and making them as casual as possible Trying to appeal to the general public Here’s the risk It’s not that big a deal for now, but it mustn’t happen again in the near future Careful, people at Nintendo, be careful! Where was I? I think I’ve said everything So yeah, the layout of the different areas is very old school, pretty weird I think we’ll end it off- Holy fuck 1 hour and 40 minutes Well, what didn’t I talk about yet I could mention the Silent Realm, since there’s been much said about it It’s not bad in my opinion, I had fun with it Another minigame, by the way, part of the funfair! It’s somewhat similar to the wolf phases in Twilight Princess, that I really didn’t like They were boring as fuck is all It’s handled much better here There’s this feeling of emergency and all You get sort of an adrenaline rush, I liked it It’s neither too easy or difficult, it’s just fun Let me explain what it is, in case you haven’t played the game Once again, it takes place in the Woods at first, then the Volcano, and the Desert And one last time in Not gonna tell, it’s near the end! I’ll leave a little suspense, don’t want to spoil the entire thing So you’re back in these areas, and you have to collect some kind of light pearls There are about 20 scattered through the level, and you’re timed, too Getting these also grant you 90 more seconds to look for the others If you take too long, statues called Guardians will start to chase you around, and if they get you, you’re back to square one So you have to try and collect all these pearls quickly, and strategically You need to leave some behind, since you’ll need those extra 90 seconds later on I thought it was pretty cool, it’s just It’s just good! I had fun with it all four times around So I disagree with people saying it’s crap, I enjoyed it And since I had fun with it, I consider it a good thing Oh yeah, there’s no day-night cycle, by the way That too is beyond understanding, there’s been one ever since the very first 3D Zelda game What does it matter, you may ask? Well, let me tell you Immersion, kids It’s about immersion It adds to the atmosphere Watching the sun set in Hyrule Field It brings something That’s how it is in every 3D Zelda game Expect in Skyward Sword Why would that be? You can play at night, but only in Skyloft All you need to do is get into a house and sleep until night It’s actually required for some sidequests, since of course, most of them take place in Skyloft But yeah, it’s only in Skyloft Even if you try to take off on your bird at night, it doesn’t work

You just can’t fly away at night Why not? We don’t know So no day-night cycle You can, uh I can’t find my words anymore! It’s about time for this video to end! You can visit Skyloft at night, but not the other areas And most importantly, no actual cycle, you’ll never get to see a sunset The immersion takes a kicking What else could I talk about? I believe I’ve said everything I went over all of the good points, according to my notes So I’m sorry, but since I’m out of these, I’m gonna have to keep criticizing the game! Oh yeah that, too The ending credits lag That blew my freaking mind! Now it might just be me, alright, my Wii is from 2005, it’s getting old, I never bothered to buy another Whatever the case, on my Wii, the ending credits LAG Extraordinary! During the credits, you get to see the different areas in the background, and it runs at like 3 FPS, some serious slowdown for sure It looks absolutely awful! Do you find that normal? I mean, if I were to work on the next Zelda game at Nintendo And see something like this I’d immediately go to Miyamoto and murmur: “We have a big problem sir, the credits lag!” I mean come on! It’s nuts! The credits lag! I’ve never seen that before! Imagine Link to the Past’s ending credits lagging! It’s nuts! Some of you are probably like: “But it’s 2D, 2D games don’t lag, mister Hooper, as you very well know!” Don’t worry, I know, but take Ocarina of Time in that case, or any other 3D Zelda game! I don’t remember it happening, even on the N64, which isn’t exactly known to have a good framerate The N64 lags a lot, but the ending credits don’t But here Man, the credits lag like a potato I’ll show it off in the video, even if it’s a spoiler, all you’ll see are the different areas, I won’t include the whole thing, and as you can see, yes, it LAGS Unbelievable, the credits lag. WTF Didn’t the beta testers notice that? What else do I got here Oh yeah, the musical instrument The lyre, some kind of little harp It might actually be Sheik’s lyre from Ocarina of Time Maybe a little easter egg, I don’t know, it might be Whatever the case, Link uses a lyre in this game The only problem is that It’s useless It’s only used during the main story, and for the Goddess Walls You know, when you try to draw stuff but can’t because the Wiimote isn’t accurate enough? So it’s just for the main story, but it’s very badly implemented All you do is move the Wiimote from left to right in rhythm Like some kind of metronome. That’s all That’s. All And you can only do it when asked to You don’t get to learn any song That too is a sin, it could’ve been part of the fail trilogy Because remember, we’re on the Wii Nintendo made a game called “Wii Music” not too long ago It had us play different instruments with the Wiimote and Nunchuck, sure it was a flop, but it happened So here, they give us an instrument, but what they’re telling us is: “Well, we didn’t know what to do with it, and couldn’t come up with any idea for it,

“So we didn’t do anything, you just wiggle it from left to right.” All right Okay Do you find that normal? There were so many possibilities, why can’t we learn songs anymore? The transition from day to night, that should’ve been a song And you could’ve done it anytime, and anywhere And most importantly, you should’ve been able to warp Until the very end of the game, I was convinced that I’d get to learn songs at some point Like one that would allow me to warp directly to the Woods, the Volcano, or the Desert So that I don’t have to fly off from Skyloft and jump into the holes every time That can’t be it Well yes, yes it is, no song to learn When they’ve had some ever since Ocarina of Time, and they were useful as well It’s just wrong… In Wind Waker, you get to learn one during a sidequest, One that summons a tornado so that allows you to warp across the map You don’t have to sail for hundreds of miles anytime you want to go somewhere Well, you do in Skyward Sword, from beginning to end! Unbelievable, no song, and the lyre is completely useless When the motion controls are the perfect fit for it Again, inexplicable, and incomprehensible I don’t remember if I said that or not, I’m getting confused anyway, it’s about time to end the video But let’s say you’re in the Woods, and you want to go to the Volcano Oh, right, I said it already! Yeah, you need to get to a statue, fly off, turn around Well, I was talking about fast traveling, but it’s the same here Find a statue, get on your bird, fly to the entrance of the other area, fall into it It’s just not possible What else do I got? Oh right, the bestiary Too few enemies, kids First of all, most of the dungeons are empty I don’t get it, why are enemies so scarce in dungeons? Aside from 3 bats, 3 goblins, and 3 lizardmen, 3 blobs maybe There’s not much else to be found Kids, you forgot to put enemies in there! Hey, Nintendo! You forgot the enemies! Nuts! So not only are they scarce, but they also lack variety They’re the same from beginning to end, they just change colors What do we got? Bats Goblins Lizards Blobs Those are the most common Then we got the big guys with a shield They can either have a wooden or a metal shield, these are pretty fun Oh, the carnivorous plants, too, forgot about them Another extremely common mob And that’s about it Well, there are these robot statues in the Desert, that zap you with a beam I probably am forgetting a few, of course, but It’s just not enough In total there are only like ten different enemies Only ten, that’s pathetic Nintendo I feel like there were more in Zelda 1! The Legend of Zelda, on Famicom, the very first one, in 1986! I do believe there were more! Come on, you just can’t You can’t you can’t you can’t What else do I got I wrote that the sidequests weren’t that interesting I had heard nothing but good things about them, but while some of them do stand out, but for the most part, it’s not too great

They’re nowhere near Majora’s Mask’s level, which had more of them, and they were more interesting as well Most of the sidequests here are about you getting an item for someone They just ask you if you could go and get something For example the NPC on Fun Fun Island asks if you can bring him his party wheel, that fell in Lanayru Desert, you have to go back there On top of that, you need to use Dowsing for this It’s some kind of first person scanning mechanic, and they overused it so much You need it for everything Whether it be the main story or the sidequests, everything And I’m sorry, this isn’t worthy of a Zelda game You’re supposed to rummage using a map, and a little thinking Not with an FPS view that goes “beep boop beep” No! NO! That’s another fail! You can’t do that in a Zelda game! Sure it’s fun, accessible and casual But it’s not what Zelda is about It’s not epic or anything, unworthy of a Zelda game Now it wouldn’t be that bad if you only had to use it a couple times But you need it for everything! You’ll be using that thing constantly, and all the way until the end And it’s not like you have a choice, either, some stuff is impossible to figure out without it That pissed me off quite a bit Anyway, yes, the sidequests So most of them are just NPCs asking you to find something or talk to someone And that’s about it It really isn’t anything special I can’t recall a single memorable sidequest… Not one So yeah, not too great I could also talk about how the first few hours are the worst of any Zelda to date They’re extremely tedious, even on your first playthrough I just went through them again, and God Tedious indeed There’s too much chit-chat And that Harry Potter atmosphere, when you’re in this school, learning how to use your Loftwing They obviously ripped-off Harry Potter Really didn’t like it It gets better later on, but the beginning is plain painful Never again, please I liked the start of every other 3D Zelda game better Well I guess the beginning of Majora’s Mask is pretty rough as well It’s a little unexpected, you’re just thrown into this city with no indication No clue where to go or what to do, you’re completely taken by surprise Got to put some time into it in order to start having fun But at the time, it almost made me quit playing I just thought it felt nothing like a Zelda game When it actually does, but you’ve got to get a hold of the idea behind it But yeah, in Skyward Sword, the first few hours are just bad What else… Too many loading times, but I talked about that already The different areas even have some of their own! Not a lot, but still, even the areas themselves are segmented! Rough, rough What else… Well, I think I went over everything I also put the Mogma tunnels on there They’re way too many, it gets very boring, and very repetitive It’s fine the first time, fine the second time, okay the third time But like everything else, they keep recycling them You’ll be going through these time and time again,

killing centipedes and activating switches… It’s just a pain They should’ve been confined to one dungeon only But as soon as they’re introduced, you’ll be seeing them everywhere No! Fuck no! I didn’t say much about the bosses so far, but I liked them for the most part They’re interesting to fight, be it the scorpion, or the Buddha statue No need to go into more detail, you’ve seen all of them in the Thunder Dragon video already Except the last one, and Levias, but I showed him off in this video So I liked them okay, but again, they’re reused to death You’ll have to fight most of them twice, except for the Buddha and the cartoon kraken As for the others, you got three fights with Ghirahim, two with the scorpion, three with the Imprisoned as well And I’m forgetting some, too There’s another one you need to beat twice Can’t remember Well, maybe not… The fire spider you only encounter once It’s just the scorpion, Ghirahim, and the Imprisoned, but that’s still too much Oh, right, the skeleton, too! The cybernetic skeleton guy You first encounter him in the Sandship And again in the very last dungeon, that I did like by the way Despite what I said in my Challenge video, that sliding puzzle idea is pretty clever Really liked it, even if, again, it’s full of reused content So much recycling, everywhere Anyway, I pretty much mentioned everything on my notes I’d say it’s about time for a conclusion, we’ve hit the 2 hour mark already So I’d say I guess I could’ve talked about the upgrade system A fun idea, but it’s more of a gimmick You can upgrade most of your weapons, your slingshot, or even your shields Because yes, there are multiples shields, like the wooden or the iron one The wooden shield being impervious to electricity, but weak to fire While the iron one is weak to electricity, but resists fire Wait, no, I got mixed up! (TLNote: he didn’t.) “Weak to electricity, but impervious to fire”, there we go And of course, depending on the dungeon, you might want to juggle between the two But you’ll quickly unlock the purple shield, that I forgot the name of And this one lets you block both, so it becomes less of an issue And finally, you get the Hylian Shield, which is indestructible So yeah, the upgrade system is pretty cool There’s some crafting involved, you need to collect materials along the way, so you can use them to upgrade your equipment It’s pretty nice, but also quite gimmicky, because it’s too easy I upgraded everything as soon as I was able to, you never need to farm, you’ll always have enough on you by just playing normally Speaking of which, look at how much money I got, something like 5900, and I don’t need it for anything, money’s useless, aside from the upgrade system That, and whatever Beedle has to sell in his flying machine But then again, halfway through the game, and already I had bought everything You get way too much money in this game Once again, it’s casual, you quickly unlock and buy everything Targeting the general public Number one priority for Nintendo, obviously

I mean just take a look at the New Super Mario Bros. games, it’s blatant When I get down to it This Zelda wasn’t a disappointment, because I wasn’t expecting much from it If I had been as excited for it as I was with Twilight Princess or Wind Waker at the time I would’ve been bitterly disappointed, I would’ve spent the video calling Nintendo names But I wasn’t too hyped about it, I had the feeling it’d turn up like this, so I liked it okay, and I had fun with it, don’t get me wrong It admittedly has a lot of problems, but in the end, it was a fun ride I don’t see myself playing it again, because as I said, it’s not an adventure, but it’s fun, the gameplay’s nice, it’s got a lot of amusing minigames It’s enjoyable… But is that all there should be to a Zelda game? The answer is no, Zelda’s not Mario, don’t get them mixed up Nintendo You can’t do that I hope Zelda WiiU will try to go back to the roots of the series All I’m asking is to be taken on a dreamlike journey again With interconnected areas, and less loading times, because that’s just outrageous Unbelievable… So many loading times in modern game No, no, no, and no I wasn’t expecting much from this game, because the others disappointed me before I was disappointed by Twilight Princess, by Wind Waker (yup!), Ocarina of Time Not so much Majora’s Mask, because I wasn’t super hyped about it, I took it as some kind of gift A gift from Nintendo, just before the N64’s retirement So I was neither thrilled nor let down by it And I didn’t expect it to be this good, it’s actually great when you get the hang of it But then again, if I had been too excited about it, I might’ve been disappointed I realize it usually goes smoother when I’m not eagerly waiting for a game And that might be why the pill wasn’t as bitter with Skyward Sword Alright, we’ll end it off here, I I have no idea what I’m gonna do for the editing of this video So in conclusion, Skyward Sword is an appetizer. The first course of the Wii, when it should’ve been the main one Because home console Zelda games have to be irreproachable It’s a big and unique series But that’s also something to keep it mind: It is a unique and original Zelda game That’s its greatest strength And I have to say, I actually liked Skyward Sword better than Twilight Princess That’ll probably be hard to grasp for a lot of you But I did prefer Skyward Sword to Twilight Princess Twilight Princess has no soul, it doesn’t leave any impression, and it’s boring on top of that Skyward Sword might not leave that big an impression either, but at least it’s not boring They tried to make a real Zelda game with Twilight Princess, but it didn’t work Skyward Sword is very different, and new I’m very happy with this installment, but I do hope it’ll be the last of its kind That’s how I see it, it’s original, it’s unique, and we’ll probably still talk about it 10 years from now But I hope it’ll stay unique I wouldn’t want Nintendo to pull off something similar in the future I’m happy with it, but please Nintendo Don’t do it again Alright, we’re done this time, I’m losing my voice, I can’t take it anymore That was desultory, complete freestyle, you know me by now I hope you still liked it, don’t hesitate to leave a comment, tell me if it was okay, or if you’d like something a little more structured A little more concise as well, 2 hours might be pushing it! To think I told you I wanted it to be short and all! Yeah, sure, it is! Okay, I’ll leave you with a drawing by Moux Big thanks to him, it’s awesome, you’ll see

As I told you before, Moux is going to leave a drawing of his own, at the end of most of my videos; not all of them, but most I’m telling you this because what he did for this Skyward Sword review What can I say I’m speechless He drew everything, take a careful look The amount of detail is astounding You’d swear he just copy pasted the background, but he didn’t, he drew it all, along with everything else, the bird and all It’s incredible, a masterpiece, really Thanks a lot Moux, and thanks to everyone who partake in the forums All the people making fan art, drawings, music, or anything else Might not be the best video to talk about that, but, whatever Okay, let’s end it off right now, I feel like I could keep going forever! Bye bye and see you next time, bottom-line, it’s a good game, it’s a bad game, I don’t know, synthesize what I said and you may find out Good luck, though Anyway Bye bye, and see you next time!