CUC: Community Healthbeat: Urgent Issues in Healthcare | Steve Adubato | Caucus NJ

Just another WordPress site

CUC: Community Healthbeat: Urgent Issues in Healthcare | Steve Adubato | Caucus NJ

>> PROMOTING SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH FOR OUR PRESCHOOLERS NEXT ON “CAUCUS NEW JERSEY.” >> FUNDING HAS BEEN PROVIDED BY THE PNC FOUNDATION, WHICH RECEIVES ITS PRINCIPAL FUNDING FROM THE PNC FINANCIAL SERVICES GROUP. PNC SUPPORTS EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION THROUGH PNC GROW UP GREAT, A 10-YEAR, $100 MILLION SCHOOL READINESS PROGRAM FOR CHILDREN FROM BIRTH TO AGE 5 THE RUSSELL BERRIE FOUNDATION, THE MERCK COMPANY FOUNDATION, AND PSE&G, COMMITTED TO IMPROVING NEW JERSEY’S ECONOMY AND STRENGTHENING ITS COMMUNITIES >> WELCOME TO FAMILIES IN FOCUS, A VERY SPECIAL CAUCUS SERIES LOOKING AT THE MANY CHALLENGES AND PRESSURES FACING THE MODERN AMERICAN FAMILY I’M STEVE ADUBATO HERE IN OUR STUDIO RIGHT HERE TO EXPLORE THE IMPACT OF YOUR CHILD’S SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL BEHAVIORS AND WAYS TO IDENTIFY THEM EARLY ON ARE EARNESTINE SIMPSON, SPECIAL SERVICES MANAGER AT THE NEWARK PRESCHOOL COUNCIL ELAINE RUHL, DIRECTOR OF THE CENTER FOR FAMILY RESOURCES IN UPPER PASSAIC? >> AND CLIFTON >> AND CLIFTON THANK YOU VERY MUCH REEM NASSER IS THE PARENT OF A 5-YEAR-OLD SON WHO WENT TO THE CENTER FOR FAMILY RESOURCES AND FINALLY, PATRICK FENNELL, WHO IS A MALE INVOLVEMENT SPECIALIST. AND I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR WATCHING US RIGHT NOW. THIS IS A PROGRAM DEDICATED TO YOUR KIDS THROUGHOUT THIS PROGRAM YOU’RE GONNA SEE A WEBSITE UP THERE WE TRY TO PROVIDE RESOURCES DIRECTLY IN THE COMMUNITY THAT CAN IMPACT YOUR KIDS AND HELP YOU AS PARENTS BY THE WAY, PATRICK, MALE INVOLVEMENT SPECIALIST? WHAT’S THAT ALL ABOUT? >> MALE INVOLVEMENT SPECIALIST WHAT I DO IS THAT I WORK WITH PARENTS AND SPECIFICALLY THE FATHERS TO GET THEM INVOLVED IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIFE IN THE SCHOOL >> WHY DO YOU DO THIS? >> BECAUSE IT’S CRITICAL THAT CHILDREN HAVE BOTH– >> NO, WHY DO YOU DO THIS? >> OH, WHY DO I DO THIS? PERSONALLY, IT’S A PERSONAL THING FOR ME THAT I HAD SOME ISSUES AND CHALLENGES WITH MY OWN FATHER. I HAD A SON, AND HIS MOTHER AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER, SO THERE WERE SOME CHALLENGES IN BEING INVOLVED IN HIS LIFE, AND I LEFT CORPORATE AMERICA, STARTED MY OWN COMPANY AND STARTED WORKING WITH FATHERS IN A DIFFERENT CAPACITY TO HELP THEM TO FEEL ENGAGED AND INVOLVED >> YOU KNOW, LET’S IDENTIFY WE TALK ABOUT SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES THAT OUR CHILDREN FACE AND, AGAIN, WHEN I SAY “FULL DISCLOSURE,” IT’S USUALLY BECAUSE THERE’S A FUNDER ON A CERTAIN PROGRAM FULL DISCLOSURE–WE HAVE 4 KIDS THAT’S MY DISCLOSURE [LAUGHTER] A SON WHO’S TURNING 19 AS WE DO THIS PROGRAM, 2 BOYS, ONE 7, ONE 8, AND A LITTLE BABY GIRL WHO’S CLOSING IN ON ONE YEAR, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY A WHOLE RANGE, AND THEY ALL ARE INCREDIBLY WELL-ADJUSTED BECAUSE THEY HAVE A GREAT FATHER, BUT THAT BEING SAID [LAUGHTER] MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEY ALL HAVE SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES, BUT WHICH ONES ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THAT ARE MOST PRESSING? >> THE ONES THAT ARE GONNA IMPACT THEM IN THEIR EVERYDAY LIVES, THE ONES THAT ARE GONNA HINDER THEM FROM HAVING SUCCESS >> NAME THEM >> NOT GETTING ALONG WITH OTHER CHILDREN, NOT INTERACTING WITH OTHER CHILDREN, HAVING BEHAVIORAL ISSUES– BITING, HITTING, PUNCHING >> TANTRUMS IN THE CORNER >> TANTRUMS IN THE CORNER >> THAT GO ON A LONG TIME >> OH, YES. OH, YES IN THE CLASSROOM NOT AS MUCH AS AT HOME >> WHY IS THAT? >> I DON’T KNOW. YOU KNOW, I THINK BECAUSE A PARENT IS MORE EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED WHEN I TAUGHT FOR YEARS–AND I TAUGHT FOR, LIKE, 20 YEARS– I NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH TEMPER TANTRUMS I COULD DEAL WITH THEM BECAUSE I IGNORED THEM >> [LAUGHS] >> AND THEN I HAD MY SECOND CHILD, AND I COULDN’T IG– IT WAS MY KID, SO >> IS IT DIFFERENT >> YES >> FOR–IS IT DIFFERENT BEING AN ADULT IN A PROFESSIONAL SETTING AND DEALING WITH A 5-YEAR-OLD VERSUS BEING THAT 5-YEAR-OLD’S MOM OR DAD? >> YES, IT IS >> HOW SO? >> I THINK FOR THE PROFESSIONAL, YOU’RE TRAINED TO LOOK AT BEHAVIORS IN A MORE OBJECTIVE MANNER, AND YOU DON’T HAVE NECESSARILY–ALTHOUGH YOU DO SHARE EMOTIONS, YOU DON’T HAVE THAT EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT THAT PARENT AND CHILDREN HAVE >> AND BAGGAGE >> AND BAGGAGE. [LAUGHS] RIGHT AND BAGGAGE. SO THAT, AS A PROFESSIONAL YOU’RE TRAINED TO OBSERVE HOW THE CHILD INTERACTS, YOU’RE TRAINED TO PROVIDE INTERVENTIONS FOR THAT CHILD SO THAT YOU CAN TRY TO CHANGE THAT BEHAVIOR YOU’RE EVEN TRAINED TO WORK WITH THE PARENT TO TRY TO HELP THE PARENT LEARN HOW TO INTERVENE WITH THOSE BEHAVIORS >> YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE THINGS I WANT TO DO ON THIS SHOW IS GET VERY SPECIFIC, TALK ABOUT REAL CONCRETE EXAMPLES AND SCENARIOS. AND BY THE WAY, WRITE TO US, LOG ON TO OUR WEBSITE. WE’LL IDENTIFY THE NOT-FOR-PROFITS THAT WE AFFILIATE WITH, BECAUSE OUR JOB IS TO BRING YOU TO THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY PROVIDE DIRECT SERVICES REEM, LET ME ASK YOU THIS YOUR 5-YEAR-OLD, RIGHT, SON– PRETTY SHY? >> PRETTY SHY EXTREMELY SHY

>> DO YOU SEE THAT AS A SOCIAL SLASH EMOTIONAL ISSUE? >> WELL, I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE IT THAT WAY, STEVE, BECAUSE WHO WANTS TO SAY THAT, “OH, WELL, MY SON HAS–” OR “MY CHILD HAS” ANY PROBLEMS? YOU JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR CHILD AS PERFECT >> EXACTLY >> SO WHEN HE WAS HAVING THE ISSUES OF JUST ADJUSTMENT, JUST GOING FROM HOME TO SCHOOL AND JUST THAT TRANSITION WHERE– >> HOW HARD WAS THE SEPARATION FOR HIM? >> IT WAS HARD, AND IT WASN’T JUST HARD IN THE BEGINNING IT WAS THROUGHOUT HE WAS IN SCHOOL FOR 2 YEARS, AND WE HAD AN ONGOING ISSUE, I WOULD SAY. I DO WANT TO SAY THAT IT WAS ONGOING EVEN THOUGH IT DID DECREASE BUT IT WAS ONGOING, AND THE CENTER WORKED WITH ME THE STAFF WAS GREAT >> BE SPECIFIC HOW’D THEY HELP YOU? >> THEY HELPED ME, UM, WELL, BASICALLY HOW WE STARTED WAS I WAS IN THE CLASSROOM WITH HIM A LOT OF PROFESSIONALS MIGHT SAY NO. YOU DROP OFF AND YOU LEAVE >> RIGHT >> SO THAT WASN’T HAPPENING WITH MY SON. I HAD TO BE IN THERE AND I HAD TO WEAN HIM OUT, YOU KNOW, OUT OF JUST– >> HOW? HOW’D YOU DO THAT? >> WELL, I– >> WAS IT LESS TIME EVERY DAY? >> WELL, IT WASN’T REALLY EVERY DAY. IT WAS MORE LIKE–I WANT TO SAY MAYBE WEEK OR MONTH TO MONTH, AND THEN WE WOULD HAVE ANOTHER SYSTEM. WE DEVELOPED THE TIMING AND THEN THE OTHER SYSTEM WHERE HE WOULD WAVE TO ME FROM THE WINDOW WHILE I DROVE BY. THAT KIND OF WORKED FOR A MINUTE, AND THEN– [LAUGHTER] FOR A MINUTE. AND THEN I WOULD KIND OF TEACH HIM TIME I’M LIKE, OK, WELL, THE BIG HAND’S ON 7 NOW MOMMY HAS TO LEAVE WHEN BIG HAND’S ON 8 SO THAT WORKED. THAT WORKED BETTER THAN HIM WAVING TO ME BUT THE STAFF WAS GREAT A LOT OF SCHOOLS WOULD BE, LIKE, WELL, NO. OUR POLICY IS YOU DROP HIM OFF AND YOU GO HOME >> SO PART OF IT–I’M SURE THERE ARE BEST PRACTICES, BUT THERE ARE ALSO PRACTICES THAT ARE ONLY UNIQUE AND RELEVANT AND HELPFUL TO CERTAIN KIDS, SO IS IT VERY CUSTOMIZED? >> I THINK IT DEPENDS ON THE CHILD >> AND BY THE WAY, BEFORE WE GO INTO THIS, HOW’S HE DOING NOW? >> WELL, HE’S FINISHED WITH SCHOOL, WITH THIS PARTICULAR SCHOOL, AND HE’LL BE ENTERING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN KIND– >> HOW’S HE DOING WITH SEPARATION? >> WELL, HE’S HOME WITH ME NOW, SO I– >> [LAUGHS] >> I CAN’T SAY >> YOU MEAN, BECAUSE WE’RE DOING THE SHOW IN THE SUMMER? >> YEAH, THAT’S WHY HE’S HOME FOR THE SUMMER SO HE’LL BE STARTING KINDERGARTEN IN SEPTEMBER MAYBE THAT MIGHT BE ANOTHER SHOW. [LAUGHS] AND I CAN GIVE YOU AN UPDATE >> LOOK, WE DON’T PAY, SO YOU CAN COME BACK ANY TIME YOU WANT SO GO AHEAD >> I THINK WE WORK WITH THE TEACHERS ON IDENTIFYING PROBLEMS WE HAVE A BIG SUPPORT SYSTEM TO HELP THEM COME UP WITH SCENARIOS ON HOW TO HELP EACH INDIVIDUAL CHILD WE DON’T SAY, FOR THE SHY KIDS YOU DO THIS WE LOOK AT THE CHILD. WE CHART THINGS, THEIR BEHAVIORS, WHAT THEY’RE DOING, TIME OF DAY SOMETIMES RIGHT BEFORE LUNCH CHILDREN HAVE A HARD TIME THEY’RE TIRED, THEY’RE HUNGRY YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT A WEEK’S WORTH OF A SCHEDULE >> I WANT TO IDENTIFY SOME OTHER BEHAVIORAL ISSUES. THERE HAVE BEEN KIDS WHO’VE COME OVER TO OUR HOUSE, AND I’M SURE OUR KIDS MANIFEST WHATEVER SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES THEY HAVE, NOT JUST IN OUR HOME BUT IN OTHER HOMES, BUT WE’VE HAD KIDS IN OUR HOMES WHO ARE FRIENDS OF OUR KIDS WHO ACT IN WAYS THAT, YOU KNOW, ARE PRETTY SHOCKING TO ME IN TERMS OF VIOLENCE– BEING INCREDIBLY AGGRESSIVE, MEAN-SPIRITED. QUESTION I KNOW IT TAKES A VILLAGE WAY BEFORE HILLARY CLINTON SAID IT WE KNEW THAT WAS TRUE IN THE VILLAGE, FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE PARENTS, NOT JUST COMMITTED TO OUR OWN KIDS, BUT WE SEE OTHER KIDS BEHAVING BADLY AND MANIFESTING SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES RIGHT THERE–I KNOW THERE ARE NO HARD AND FAST RULES, BUT IT’S A LONG-WINDED WAY OF SAYING WHAT DO YOU DO? ‘CAUSE I DO SEE IT AND SO DO YOU >> IT DEPENDS ON THE CHILD, AND I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT WE TALK ABOUT SOCIAL-EMOTIONAL AND WE TALKED ABOUT THE SHY CHILD, AND THAT’S JUST ONE MANIFESTATION OF, YOU KNOW, A SOCIAL-EMOTIONAL WE DO HAVE THOSE CHILDREN WITH SERIOUS BEHAVIORAL ISSUES, AND WHILE WE DON’T LIKE TO LABEL, WE SAY, WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL A BEHAVIORAL ISSUE? WHEN YOU TALKED ABOUT THOSE CHILDREN WHO ARE HITTING AND KICKING AND WHO CAN’T SIT IN THE CLASS, THAT’S ONE WAY WE DETERMINE THAT A CHILD HAS AN ISSUE, PARTICULARLY IN PRESCHOOL, WHICH IS, OF COURSE, WHERE WE’RE WORKING >> RIGHT >> AND WE THEN HAVE TO DEVELOP VARIOUS INTERVENTIONS TO TRY TO HELP THAT CHILD BE INCLUDED IN THE CLASSROOM, BECAUSE THAT IS ONE OF THE MANDATES THAT CHILDREN WITH ALL SORTS OF ISSUES BE INCLUDED IN THE REGULAR SCHOOL PROGRAM >> SHOULD THEY BE? >> WELL, IN MANY INSTANCES, YES, BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO NECESSARILY SEPARATE KIDS OUT AND IDENTIFY THEM AS BEING SO DIFFERENT >> UNDERSTAND, BUT IN DEVIL’S TURN–MY ROLE IS TO PLAY DEVIL’S ADVOCATE–YOU GOT OTHER KIDS WITH FEWER EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL ISSUES–AND BY THE WAY, WE’RE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT IN URBAN AREAS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT–AND IT MAY BE DISPROPORTIONATELY IN URBAN AREAS BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY ECONOMIC, SOCIAL AND INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT ISSUES THAT URBAN POOR CHILDREN FACE, BUT IT IS ACROSS THE BOARD, OK? THAT BEING SAID, WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS WHO ARE–WHO HAVE FEWER PROBLEMS, WHO ARE NOW IMPACTED BY THE BITING AND THE KICKING AND THE VIOLENCE AND THE SCREAMING

AND THE YELLING AND THE POUTING AND THE WHATEVER AND THE BULLYING? DON’T WE HAVE TO PROTECT THOSE KIDS? >> AND WE DO. THAT’S WHY WE PROVIDE CERTAIN SUPPORTS FOR THEM EVEN IN THE CLASSROOM AND I GUESS I’M THINKING THAT IN THIS WORLD, WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH EACH OTHER, SO ONE OF THE WAYS YOU LEARN THAT EARLY ON IS TO START WITH YOUR PRESCHOOL AND TO, YOU KNOW, SEE HOW THOSE ISSUES ARE HANDLED BY ADULTS WHO CAN DIRECT THOSE CHILDREN AND ALSO TO HELP THOSE CHILDREN WHO ARE BEING IMPACTED BY IT AND MANY WAYS, YOU KNOW, YOU DEVELOP STRATEGIES AND YOU WORK WITH THE PARENTS, TOO, BECAUSE MANY TIMES, WHEN THE CHILDREN ARE HAVING ISSUES, IT’S BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE PARENTS HAVE NOT RECOGNIZED, AS SHE SAID BEFORE >> OR DON’T WANT TO >> …THAT THEIR CHIL– OR DON’T WANT TO, YOU KNOW, THAT THEIR CHILDREN HAVE ISSUES, BECAUSE NO PARENT WANTS TO >> AND BECAUSE OUR KIDS ARE PERFECT >> YES, AND NO PARENT WANTS >> BUT IGNORING IT–CLEARLY– TIME HEALS ALL? THAT’S A RIDICULOUS STRATEGY, IS IT NOT? >> YES, BUT SOME PARENTS INITIALLY FEEL THAT WAY, AND YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH THE PARENTS TO HELP– >> LET ME COME BACK PATRICK, LET ME ASK YOU >> YEAH >> PARTICULARLY DEALING WITH FATHERS >> RIGHT >> TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU SEE THAT THE BEHAVIORS, THE SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS, PARTICULARLY IF YOUR KID’S “AT RISK,” AS YOU SAY, THAT IF NOT DEALT WITH DIRECTLY, THAT’S PRETTY MUCH THE WAY THEY GROW UP? ‘CAUSE THIS SERIES IS CALLED GROW UP GREAT THEY DON’T GROW UP SO GREAT PRETTY MUCH DO YOU SEE THAT THAT’S WHAT THEY BECOME? >> WELL, IT’S OFTEN A CYCLE OF BEHAVIOR IN THAT OUR BEHAVIOR IS LEARNED, IN THAT THERE ARE THINGS THAT SOMETIMES AS ADULTS, WE DON’T LEARN TO COPE WITH OURSELVES, AND THEN WE END UP PASSING THAT ALONG TO OUR CHILDREN AS WELL I THINK THAT PART OF WHAT IT IS THAT WE NEED TO DO IS HAVE SOME CONSISTENTLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS, NOT JUST WITH THE PARENTS BUT THAT SCHOOLS AND PARENTS ARE ABLE TO CONNECT AND STILL HAVE THAT SAME CONSISTENCY OF EXPECTATION OF BEHAVIORS AND REWARDS AND DISCIPLINE AS WELL >> HOW EARLY DOES IT KICK IN? ‘CAUSE LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING YOU TALKED ABOUT LIVING IN CHAOS. YOU TOLD OUR PRODUCER ABOUT LIVING IN CHAOS A KID IS ONE. I’M TALKING ABOUT BEFORE PRESCHOOL. ONE 18 MONTHS THEY ARE LIVING IN CHAOS THEY’RE LIVING IN VIOLENCE THEY’RE LIVING IN A SITUATION WHERE DRUGS ARE INVOLVED, VIOLENCE MAY BE INVOLVED, WHATEVER WHAT IS THAT KID FACING BY THE TIME HE OR SHE GETS TO PRE-K, PRESCHOOL? IS–HOW MUCH GOES ON IN THAT FIRST YEAR? >> A LOT, AND LUCKILY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HAS RECOGNIZED THAT, AND THEY FUND WHAT THEY CALL EARLY HEAD START, SO WE START– WE HAVE STAFF THAT ARE WORKING WITH PREGNANT MOMS >> DOING WHAT? >> OH, GUIDING THEM GETTING THEM TO THE DOCTOR’S MAKING SURE THEY HAVE GOOD PRENATAL AND WATCHING FOR SIGNS OF POST-PARTUM AFTER THE BIRTH OF THE CHILD >> BUT HOLD ON. YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT CHAOS IN THE HOME >> OH, CHAOS >> HOLD ON. WHAT DO YOU DO? HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO AVOID CHAOS IN YOUR HOME? >> YES. HELP THEM >> DEFINE CHAOS IN THE HOME >> CHAOS IN THE HOME COULD BE MAJOR FINANCIAL ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUES, HOMELESSNESS I’M JUST TRYING TO STRUGGLE CAN YOU THINK OF ANY– [LAUGHS] >> THAT’S PRETTY BAD ALREADY >> TEENAGE PARENTS >> TEENAGE PARENTS >> WHOA, TEENAGE PARENTS >> THAT’S A BIG ONE, YES >> THAT’S A BIG FACTOR. WE WORK WITH A LOT OF TEEN MOTHERS AND FATHERS AND A LOT OF YOUNG MOTHERS AND FATHERS WHO HAVE NOT YET LEARNED THEMSELVES HOW TO BE PARENTS OR EVEN HOW TO BE ADULTS >> HOW HARD IS IT TO BRING THEM IN? >> IT’S HARD SOMETIMES IT’S VERY HARD SOMETIMES IT TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY, BUT OF COURSE IF YOU’RE GOING TO HELP THEIR CHILD, THEN YOU HAVE TO HELP THE PARENT AND ALONG WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, AS SHE WAS SAYING, THAT THEY HAVE EARLY INTERVENTION SERVICES ALSO THAT WORK WITH US, YOU KNOW, AND HEAD START TO ADDRESS SOME OF THE ISSUES OF THE CHILDREN WHO ARE FROM PRENATAL TO 3 YEARS OF AGE, AND THEY WILL GO INTO THE HOME AND ACTUALLY WORK IN THE HOME TO HELP THE PARENTS >> TO WHAT EXTENT– IT’S INTERESTING, ‘CAUSE YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY COMMITTED TO YOUR SON I MEAN, THAT’S A REAL PRIORITY FOR YOU >> MM-HMM. DEFINITELY IS >> I JUST SEE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE, AND I CAN SEE HOW MUCH YOU THINK ABOUT, HOPE FOR, PRAY FOR THE BEST FOR HIM THAT’S OBVIOUS >> OH, YEAH >> BUT MY QUESTION IS IF IN FACT SOMEONE’S NOT AS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU AS A MOM, AS DEDICATED AND INVOLVED AND STILL STRUGGLING, TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU BELIEVE THAT WE AS A SOCIETY, IN TERMS OF THIS GROWING UP GREAT CONCEPT, UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT AND ARE WILLING TO EMBRACE THE IDEA THAT NO ONE PARENT CAN DO THIS ALONE? THAT IT IS ALL OF US AND IT IS A PRIORITY, BECAUSE IF WE DO NOT, EVEN IF WE DON’T EVEN– IF WE DO NOT, THEY WILL NOT GROW UP GREAT, AND THEY WILL COST US MORE ON SO MANY LEVELS TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU SENSE A TREMENDOUS, “HEY, WE’RE IN THIS THING TOGETHER WHETHER IT’S OUR KID BY BLOOD OR NOT”? “THEY ALL HAVE TO GROW UP GREAT, AND THEY HAVE PROBLEMS, AND WE HAVE TO BE THERE TO HELP THEM.” DO YOU SENSE THAT? >> NO. I THINK IT’S SOMETHING THAT WE STRUGGLE WITH >> DO WE SAY, “I’LL TAKE CARE OF MY KID. THAT’S HARD ENOUGH”?

>> RIGHT. AND I THINK A LOT OF IT ALSO HAS TO DO WITH JUST SOCIETY IN GENERAL, HOW WE’RE BECOMING MORE AND MORE SEGMENTED, THAT WE’RE BEING MORE AND MORE SEPARATED FROM EACH OTHER >> TECHNOLOGY DOESN’T HELP WITH THAT >> TECHNOLOGY DOESN’T HELP AT ALL. I KNOW THERE WAS ONE DAY I WENT TO GO MEET MY FATHER, AND HE WAS BRINGING MY SON AND MY NIECE, AND WE WERE ALL GONNA GO EAT, AND SO I ACTUALLY BEAT HIM THERE, AND HE PULLED UP INTO THE PARKING SPOT, AND HE WAS ON HIS BLUETOOTH TALKING ON THE PHONE, MY SON HAD HIS iPOD ON, LISTENING TO MUSIC, AND MY NIECE, WHO WAS 4 AT THE TIME, SHE HAD SOME EARPHONES ON, AND SHE WAS WATCHING A DVD SO WE’RE ALL IN THE SAME PLACE, BUT WE’RE NEVER REALLY INTEGRATING WITH EACH OTHER, AND I THINK IT’S JUST A PART OF WHAT WE SEE IN SOCIETY, AND NOW WE HAVE TO BE PURPOSEFUL ABOUT DEVELOPING OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER >> NOW THE PANDORA’S BOX HAS BEEN OPENED [LAUGHTER] THIS ISN’T–YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS SHOW 15 YEARS AGO BEFORE SOME OF THOSE TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICES WERE AROUND AND STILL BE SERIOUS SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES, BUT LET’S DEAL WITH THIS TO WHAT EXTENT DOES THE TECHNOLOGICAL PARADIGM, THE MODEL THAT YOU JUST DESCRIBED, WHICH WE’VE SEEN AS WELL–OUR 7-YEAR-OLD, WE JUST GOT HIM THE i… [SNAPS] >> PHONE? >> IT’S NOT EVEN THE iPHONE HE’S JUST DOING HIS WACKY LITTLE GAMES ON IT >> iPAD >> IT’S NOT THE WHOLE BIG PAD, ‘CAUSE WE WEREN’T GOING THAT WAY. IT’S THE SMALLER ONE THAT’S CHEAPER, OK? BUT HE’S PLAYING A LOT OF GAMES iTOUCH. THANK YOU. HE’S DOING– BILL BERLIN. ‘CAUSE YOU HAVE GRANDCHILDREN. THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT. WE GOT HIM THE THING WHERE HE’S PLAYING HIS GAMES, AND HE’S GOT HIS 8-YEAR-OLD BROTHER WHO’S LISTENING TO HIS MUSIC, WHICH IS FINE AND WE HAVE THE 19-YEAR-OLD, WHO’S LISTENING TO HIS MUSIC, AND…OUR 10-MONTH-OLD IS– HAS NO DEVICES TO DATE >> YET. [LAUGHS] >> BUT HERE’S THE THING TO WHAT EXTENT IS THIS SEPARATION AND GOING INTO YOUR OWN WORLD POTENTIALLY, THROUGH THE TECHNOLOGY THAT EXISTS TO ENTERTAIN OURSELVES– LONG-WINDED QUESTION– TO WHAT EXTENT DOES IT HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO CREATE MORE SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES? WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> I THINK IT DOES HAVE A GREAT EFFECT, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT CONNECTING >> BY THE WAY, I FORGOT TELEVISION, EXCEPT FOR PBS, WHICH BRINGS US ALL TOGETHER [LAUGHTER] >> RIGHT. THIS IS EDUCATIONAL THIS IS OK >> YEAH, THANK YOU >> SO…WELL, DEFINITELY, BECAUSE I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT, ‘CAUSE MY SON IS TELLING ME, “MOMMY, WELL,” YOU KNOW, “THIS PERSON HAS THIS SO-AND-SO AND HE HAS THIS GAME AND HE HAS THIS DEVICE,” AND, WELL, I’M LIKE, WELL, I HAVE TO SET MY OWN RULES AND BE LIKE, WELL, YOU KNOW, YES, YOU’RE 5, AND HE MAY HAVE IT AND SHE MAY HAVE IT, BUT RIGHT NOW IN OUR HOUSE, RIGHT NOW I DON’T WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. YOU CAN HAVE IT EVENT– >> BUT HE WILL >> BUT HE WILL. I CAN’T– >> YEAH, BUT PART OF THAT’S ECONOMIC, PART OF IT’S AGE-APPROPRIATE, BUT ALSO IT’S THAT SOONER OR LATER, MOST IF NOT ALL OF THEM HAVE IT– BY THE WAY, SOME WHO DON’T’S GONNA CREATE OTHER ISSUES, ‘CAUSE “WHY DOES HE HAVE IT AND I DON’T? I’M GONNA TAKE IT FROM YOU”–WHICH GOES TO THE WHOLE RANGE OF OTHER ISSUES BUT IF IT SEPARATES US MORE, DOESN’T IT AFFECT OUR SOCIAL ABILITY TO HAVE– TO COMMUNICATE, TO ENGAGE, TO BE IN A CONVERSATION? AM I MAKING TOO MUCH OF THIS? >> NO, YOU’RE NOT, AND I THINK THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WITH A LOT OF OUR PRESCHOOLERS, WHETHER IT’S AN URBAN PRESCHOOLER OR A SUBURBAN PRESCHOOLER, THAT OFTENTIMES THE PARENTS BABY-SIT WITH THE TV, AND SO THE ONLY CONVERSATION THE CHILD HAS, GENERALLY, IS WHEN HE DOES SOMETHING AND THE PARENT YELLS AT HIM I WAS SORT OF WATCHING THE SHOW BEFORE, YOU KNOW. IT’S NOT THAT “LET ME READ YOU A BEDTIME STORY,” WHICH MANY OF US DID WITH OUR CHILDREN, OR, YOU KNOW, “LET’S HAVE CONVERSATION AT DINNER.” FAMILIES DON’T REALLY EAT TOGETHER ANYMORE YOU KNOW, GENERALLY–SOMETIMES THE CHILDREN ARE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE TV EATING THEIR DINNER >> HOW ABOUT–EXCUSE ME HOW ABOUT EATING AT THE DINNER TABLE, NO TV ON, BUT WORKING THE SYSTEM? >> RIGHT. RIGHT >> THAT’S NOT THE DINNER WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT? >> NO. NO, NO. NO >> BECAUSE I HAVE THIS STUPID THING–I KNOW THAT OUR PEOPLE HAVE HEARD ME SAY THIS BEFORE IN OUR FAMILY SERIES–I WILL SAY TO OUR KIDS, “TELL ME THE MOST INTERESTING THING THAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY,” AND OF COURSE– OR, “TODAY,” WHETHER IT’S SCHOOL OR CAMP OR WHATEVER IT IS– AND THEY ROLL THEIR EYES, BUT THEY CAN’T BE IN THAT CONVERSATION WHILE THEY’RE WORKING THEIR THINGS, SO IT’S PUT THEM DOWN AND FORCE THEM TO TALK DO WE HAVE TO BE THAT ASSERTIVE? >> YES >> YES >> WE MUST >> I USED TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER, WHO’S GONNA TURN 21 NEXT WEEK >> ALL RIGHT. CONGRATULATIONS >> THANK YOU THANK GOD SHE MADE IT [LAUGHTER] I USED TO TAKE HER PHONE AWAY >> BY THE WAY, OUR PRODUCER JUST SAID YOU MADE IT, TOO [LAUGHTER] >> THAT’S RIGHT, YES >> I USED TO TAKE HER PHONE AWAY FROM HER AT 11:00 AT NIGHT WHEN SHE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL >> TOOK IT AWAY >> TOOK IT AWAY AND PUT IT IN THE KITCHEN, BECAUSE SHE WOULD STAY UP ALL NIGHT TEXTING AND PHONING, SO HOW CAN YOU GO TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY? YOU KNOW, AND THEY’RE STARTING– SHE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, BUT NOW KIDS HAVE IT AT, LIKE, SECOND GRADE, I GUESS SO THEY’RE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT THEY HAVE ALL THIS EQUIPMENT IN THEIR ROOM >> BUT YOU HAD TO GET IN THERE >> I HAD TO TAKE IT AWAY >> SO YOU KNOW WHAT’S INTERESTING? OUR PRODUCER

JUST SAID, “HEY, LET’S GET TO SOME SOLUTIONS,” BUT WHAT’S INTERESTING IS I’VE HEARD SOME SOLUTIONS. ONE OF THEM IS– CORRECT ME IF YOU THINK I’M WRONG–WE CANNOT JUST SIT THERE AND HANG BACK AND SAY, “LISTEN, NOBODY’S FIGHTING, NO ONE’S ARGUING, SO EVERYTHING’S FINE.” >> RIGHT >> “I’M GONNA HANG BACK.” ‘CAUSE THEY COULD BE TEXTING AND DOING WHATEVER ALL NIGHT THEY COULD BE WATCHING WHATEVER ON TELEVISION. THEY COULD BE ON SOME GAME, YOU KNOW, FOR THE LAST >> VIOLENT GAME >> …3 HOURS >> RIGHT >> RIGHT? TOTALLY NOT ENGAGED, BUT THEY’RE QUIET AND NO ONE’S FIGHTING >> EXACTLY >> NOT GOOD ENOUGH >> RIGHT >> SO ONE OF THE ANSWERS IS YOU HAVE TO BE ENGAGED AND INVOLVED. WHEN THAT THING WENT DOWN WITH YOUR FATHER, YOUR NIECE–WHO ELSE? >> AND MY SON >> YOUR SON THEY’RE ALL DOING THEIR THING >> RIGHT >> AND YOU’RE OUT OF IT, ‘CAUSE YOU GOT NOTHING HOOKED UP >> RIGHT. WELL, ‘CAUSE I’M ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, AND I THINK SOMETIMES THAT’S ULTIMATELY WHAT WE HAVE TO DO, IS THAT WE HAVE TO STEP OUTSIDE AND LOOK IN >> WHAT’D YOU DO? >> I ACTUALLY TALKED TO– I TALKED TO MY FATHER AND MY SON. OBVIOUSLY MY NIECE DOESN’T REALLY–WASN’T QUITE UNDERSTANDING THAT, BUT JUST TO GIVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE >> WHAT’D YOU SAY? >> I SAID, “DID YOU REALIZE THAT YOU GUYS WERE ACTUALLY ALL TOGETHER, BUT ACTUALLY NO ONE WAS EVEN AWARE THAT THE OTHER ONE WAS REALLY THERE? YOU’RE IN EACH OTHER’S PRESENCE BUT NOT–DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A CERTAIN WAY?” SO AS OPPOSED TO BEING JUDGMENTAL AND SAYING, “WELL, YOU SHOULDN’T DO, YOU SHOULDN’T DO,” BUT JUST ASKING SOME QUESTIONS TO HOPEFULLY HAVE THEM BECOME A LITTLE BIT MORE AWARE OF WHAT WAS REALLY HAPPENING >> DID YOU MAKE THEM STOP? ‘CAUSE I WILL TELL OUR KIDS, “PUT IT DOWN.” >> ACTUALLY, WELL, THEY STOPPED WHEN THEY TURNED THE CAR OFF >> YOU CAN’T TELL YOUR DAD? >> CAN’T TELL MY DAD STOP THAT DOESN’T WORK VERY WELL HOWEVER [LAUGHTER] BUT WHEN THE CAR STOPPED, THAT’S WHEN IT’S LIKE, OK, THEN EVERYTHING STOPS. WE ALL HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR, SO–AND SO, YEAH >> SINCE WE’RE DOING THIS TECHNOLOGY THING, I GOTTA ASK YOU THIS IN THE CAR, MY WIFE WAS GETTING THIS NEW CAR, AND SHE ASKED THE QUESTION, SHOULD WE GET THE CAR WHERE YOU HAVE THE MOVIES IN THE BACK WHERE THE THING COMES OUT? >> DVD >> THE DVD >> NO, YOU SHOULDN’T >> IT’S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT [LAUGHTER] >> WELL, FOR LONG TRIPS, I WOULD THINK IT’S OK I MEAN, I WOULDN’T PUT IT ON EVERY DAY >> YOU MEAN, LIKE AN HOUR TO GO TO THE JERSEY SHORE? [LAUGHTER] >> WELL, SOMETIMES THAT COULD BE A 3-HOUR TRIP >> YEAH, RIGHT. WELL, TRAFFIC IS A DIFFERENT SHOW WE’LL BE DOING AFTER THIS >> WELL, THAT’S WHEN THEY CAN GET A PORTABLE ONE >> SO YOU SAID NO TO IT? >> I BELIEVE NO WELL, I HAVE AN OLDER CAR, SO IT’S NOT IN THERE ANYWAY BUT MY SON OFFERED–HE’S LIKE, “MOM, WELL, WHY DOESN’T DAD PUT ONE IN? HE CAN INSTALL ONE IN.” I’M LIKE, “HE CAN, BUT–” >> YOU JUST SAID NO >> I SAID NO >> BUT FOR DRIVING–OK, SEE, I DON’T WANT TO GET CRAZY HERE NOW AND SAY >> BUT THERE’S PORTABLE ONES >> IF THEY’RE WATCHING A DISNEY MOVIE, AND THEY’RE ENTERTAINED, IS IT A QUESTION OF DEGREE? >> DISNEY ISN’T WHAT DISNEY USED TO BE >> OH, STOP. NOW YOU’RE GONNA– DISNEY CAN’T EVEN GET A PASS ON THIS SHOW, OK THEY’RE NOT A SPONSOR >> I THINK YOU CAN GET A LOT OF CONVERSATION GOING IN A CAR. I DON’T KNOW MY KIDS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY WERE TEENAGERS, ELICITED A LOT OF STUFF IN THAT BACK SEAT BETWEEN EACH OTHER THAT GAVE ME INFORMATION THAT I NEEDED >> OK, I GOT IT. I DON’T WANT TO MAKE THIS ALL ABOUT TECHNOLOGY. I’M SORRY >> PLUS IT CAN BE EDUCATIONAL, TOO, IF YOU’RE IN THE CAR, BECAUSE I REMEMBER WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE YOUNG, WE USED TO DO THINGS LIKE LOOK FOR LICENSE PLATES AND LOOK FOR STATES AND TALK ABOUT THOSE KINDS OF THINGS WHEN WE WERE TRAVELING >> YEAH, I LIKE THAT BY THE WAY, FEW MINUTES LEFT HOW DO WE HELP OUR KIDS COMMUNICATE MORE EFFECTIVELY AS AN INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL SKILL? HOW DO WE GET THEM TO COMMUNICATE, TALK AND LISTEN TO EACH OTHER AND COME ON? >> WELL, I THINK MODELING IS A BIG PIECE OF– >> MODELING MEANING…? >> MODELING–SHOWING THEM HOW TO SPEAK TO ONE ANOTHER [CLEARS THROAT] EXCUSE ME CORRECTING THEM WHEN THEY DON’T SPEAK CORRECTLY. YOU KNOW, DON’T LET IT JUST FLY BY THE NIGHT. TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT. GIVE THEM EXAMPLES >> AND WHEN THEY INTERRUPT A LOT IN OUR FAMILY, WHICH IS A FAMILY TRAIT THAT I LEARNED 2 GENERATIONS AGO AND TRYING TO BREAK IT, BUT ALSO THE 8-YEAR-OLD WILL SOMETIMES SAY TO THE OTHER ONE, “YOU’RE STUPID. YOU’RE AN IDIOT,” AND THAT IS–YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH IT THEN YOU KNOW WHAT’S SO FUNNY? I’VE SEEN PEOPLE DEAL WITH THAT, SOME OF OUR FRIENDS WHEN ONE OF THE KIDS SAYS SOMETHING TO THE OTHER, IS MEAN TO THEM OR HITS THEM, THE PARENT WILL GO OVER AND WHACK THE KID– I’VE SEEN THIS–THEY’LL WHACK THE ONE WHO WHACKED THE KID AND SCREAM AT THE KID AND SAY, “DON’T DO IT AGAIN,” AND I’M THINKING, “DID I JUST MISS SOMETHING?” >> THAT’S MODELING BAD BEHAVIOR >> THAT’S MODELING THE OPPOSITE WAY, RIGHT >> GOT A MINUTE LEFT. ADVICE THROW OUT ANY ADVICE. GO AHEAD >> PART OF IT WOULD BE AN EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY THAT– HELPING THEM >> AN EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY >> RIGHT. TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL, BECAUSE OFTEN WE DON’T TALK ABOUT HOW WE FEEL. WE JUST RESPOND AND REACT, SO IF WE CAN HELP OUR CHILDREN DEVELOP AN EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY, THAT WOULD GO A LONG WAY TOWARDS BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE BETTER AND NOT SEEING THOSE BEHAVIORS AS MUCH. IF THEY CAN USE THE WORDS, YOU WON’T SEE IT IN THE BEHAVIOR >> GOT IT. 30 SECONDS LEFT. GO >> AND JUST HELP THEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR FEELINGS AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE BY JUST MODELING FOR THEM, “WHEN YOU SAID THAT WORD TO TOMMY”– TALKING ABOUT THE VOCABULARY–

“HOW DO YOU THINK TOMMY FELT? WHAT REACTION DID YOU SEE FROM TOMMY?” THAT’S MODELING AGAIN, BUT IN THE CLASSROOM, THE TEACHERS DO THAT A LOT, AND THAT’S VERY IMPORTANT >> IT’S GOOD STUFF I HAVE TO TELL YOU, WE HAVE SOLVED EVERY SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL PROBLEM OUR CHILDREN FACE >> I WISH THAT COULD BE TRUE >> WE’LL HAVE YOU BACK NEXT MONTH. THIS IS FABULOUS >> THE PRECEDING PROGRAM HAS BEEN A PRODUCTION OF THE CAUCUS EDUCATIONAL CORPORATION, CELEBRATING OVER 20 YEARS OF BROADCAST EXCELLENCE, AND THIRTEEN FOR WNET, NJTV AND WHYY FUNDING HAS BEEN PROVIDED BY THE PNC FOUNDATION, WHICH RECEIVES ITS PRINCIPAL FUNDING FROM THE PNC FINANCIAL SERVICES GROUP PNC SUPPORTS EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION THROUGH PNC GROW UP GREAT, A 10-YEAR, $100 MILLION SCHOOL READINESS PROGRAM FOR CHILDREN FROM BIRTH TO AGE 5 THE RUSSELL BERRIE FOUNDATION, THE MERCK COMPANY FOUNDATION, AND PSE&G, COMMITTED TO IMPROVING NEW JERSEY’S ECONOMY AND STRENGTHENING ITS COMMUNITIES PROMOTIONAL SUPPORT PROVIDED BY NJBIZ, ALL BUSINESS, ALL NEW JERSEY, AND THE “STAR-LEDGER” AND NJ.COM. EVERYTHING JERSEY TRANSPORTATION PROVIDED BY AIR BROOK LIMOUSINE, SERVING THE METROPOLITAN NEW YORK-NEW JERSEY AREA “CAUCUS NEW JERSEY” HAS BEEN PRODUCED IN PARTNERSHIP WITH TRISTAR STUDIOS DON’T MISS STEVE ADUBATO AND CO-HOST RAFAEL PI ROMAN EACH WEEK ON “NEW JERSEY CAPITOL REPORT” AIRING ON NJTV, THIRTEEN, AND WHYY CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS