With Great Power… | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 94
MATT: Hello, everyone and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons TRAVIS: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Before we get into tonight’s session, we do have a few announcements to get through, beginning with the first of our two sponsors, beginning tonight with Skillshare Sam, if you don’t mind SAM: Back this week is Skillshare, an online learning community with tens– nope, with thousands of classes on creative and entrepreneurial skills for the curious mind Premium membership gives you unlimited access on classes from everything from personal productivity to art, animation, photography Skillshare is affordable, with annual subscriptions starting as low as 10 bucks a month And there’s a special on for you Critters, two month premium membership free– MARISHA: (echoing) Free, free, free! SAM: For the first, for the first 500 people who sign up now at skl.sh/critcalrole2 I don’t know why, it just is TRAVIS: The word two or the number two? SAM: The number two, it’s on the screen Now, I checked out their classes and I noticed they don’t have any classes on the one skill that I’m best at, being a corporate shill. So tonight, (laughter) tonight, I’d like to offer a class called Online Advertising 101 with Professor Sam Riegel (laughter) (exaggerated posh accent) Greetings, class In this seminar– I don’t know how to hold a pipe– (laughter) in this seminar, you’ll learn the fundamentals of satisfying sponsorships of tabletop RPG streaming shows TRAVIS: (British accent) Harry Potter (laughter) SAM: There are many ways to do an ad, but to be a shill for your sponsor, you must master the pinnacles of the form: raunchy poems, cheap costumes and fake movie scripts featuring ’90s sitcom icon, Gale Lesson one– LAURA: Fake? SAM: When brainstorming, always begin with the MATT system That’s M-A-T-T, it’s a mnemonic, a ma-nom-i-conic (laughter) M stands for music Buy a cheap rhyming dictionary and compose a masterpiece like this one: ♪ Pull up a deck chair, pluck out your ear hair, ♪ ♪ soil your underwear, Skillshare. ♪ LAURA: Woo! TRAVIS: Wow! SAM: That song cost them $700,000 (laughter) A of the MATT system stands for accents Foreigners love being made fun of For beginners, try Italian TALIESIN: Oh no SAM: (terrible Italian accent) Eh, I’m-a from Italy I own a Vespa and eat-a the gelato I love-a the Skillshare Bon giorno TRAVIS: Oh ASHLEY: No LAURA: That was better than a lot of your other accents MARISHA: That was actually pretty good TRAVIS: Video game on the fly SAM: T of the MATT system stands for– oh shit, uh, shit, I– LAURA: What? SAM: Uh, shit LIAM: Are you missing a prop? SAM: I was supposed to have a prop LAURA: A prop of what? SAM: I forgot it LIAM: Max, Max! MARISHA: You’re supposed to keep going! SAM: I’m just going to keep going I’m just going to fake it, I’m going to fake it LAURA: T stands for what? SAM: T stands for terrible food When in doubt, just be gross like this, what was supposed to be a cup of beer and ranch dressing LAURA: Maybe it is ASHLEY: Oh thank god it’s not here SAM: Skillshare MATT: That was so much better, please forget things SAM: And the last T of the MATT system is time People love long advertisements (laughter) The audience tunes in to find out what will happen after their favorite character tricked a witch with a cupcake, but you, the shill, must stall as long as you can with ad copy that seems to go on forever, like this one Well, that’s lesson one Future lessons will cover how to piss off the crew with technical requests, how to– (laughter) how to deal with an irate sponsor who hates your underwear song, and how to make Laura Bailey regret sitting next to you for two years Until then, Skillshare (applause) MATT: Yes That was one of the finer– SAM: I didn’t get to drink the beer and the ranch dressing MATT: (sarcastically) Oh no We’re so sad TRAVIS: What that would have looked like? LIAM: That was like seeing Little Women again (laughter) MATT: There you go Thank you, Sam, and thank you, Skillshare For your patience (laughs) Our second sponsor tonight are our returning friends for all of campaign two of Critical Role, D&D Beyond ALL: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪ MATT: An amazing online tool for digitally keeping track of your campaigns and/or D&D characters and all sorts of rules and content They are amazing, if you haven’t checked them out, you can go ahead and do so at dndbeyond, that’s D-N-D beyond.link/criticalrole ASHLEY: ♪ You got your perfect warlock. ♪ MATT: That one Thank you, Ashley, for your support on that one (laughter) TRAVIS: The spirit moving ya, it’s moving ya Got to let it move through you MATT: You got to let it carry TALIESIN: Yeah LAURA: Yes
MATT: It is SAM: It’s the lyric and I love that tune even more MATT: It is So, next up, we announced today, as part of uploading our new Handbooker Helper for the Monsterhearts 2 game MARISHA: Out of the blue MATT: Yep, out of the blue That’s what we do For those not familiar, Monsterhearts is a great game system that deals with the angsty teenage experience but you’re also secretly monsters It’s really fun, it’s a really unique form of really narrative-heavy role playing game We put up our new Handbooker Helper about it and we are doing a Valentine’s Day one-shot that’ll be coming out next Friday for you guys to check out Super excited about it At 7:00 p.m. here on our Twitch channel and then it’ll be available on our YouTube shortly thereafter, but for those of you who are either staying in for Valentine’s Day or want to go ahead and check it out after the weekend or thereafter Looking forward to it, it’s going to be a lot of fun I’m the Master of Ceremonies for it, the MC, and we have a wonderful cast that includes right here, our wonderful Taliesin Jaffe and Ashley Johnson Joining us, we have our longtime friend and amazing person Erika Ishii MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: And joining, for the first time, the Critical Role family, our friend Ally Beardsley They are an amazing role player you may know from Dimension 20 as well as CollegeHumor They are fantastic and we’re so happy to have them aboard, so check that out next week at 7:00 p.m on our Twitch channel here on Critical Role Marisha, you have an announcement MARISHA: Speaking of content, if you want more of Sam aimlessly talking into microphones, you need to watch All Work No Play. Liam is there, too TRAVIS: We need to take that math course MARISHA: Yeah, I do need to take that I’m an independent creator, not a corporate shill, so (laughter) MARISHA: Sorry I don’t have a polished language I produce art Like All Work No Play! SAM: Oh! MARISHA: So yes, the first episode is available right now on YouTube It’s Sam and Liam made chainsaw art? ASHLEY: It’s so good! TRAVIS: Shit is so funny LIAM: I had the same reaction watching it that I did with our earliest podcast episodes, where when we did it, I’m like, “This is not that good.” And then I watch it and I’m like, “Hey, this is pretty good.” MARISHA: It’s good! (laughter) MARISHA: Well, Julie Nathanson really steals the show She kind of makes it TALIESIN: Definitely carries it LIAM: Her muscles, anyway MARISHA: Linda Hamilton arms LAURA: Fucking arms, right? ASHLEY: Yeah MARISHA: Her in that purple tank top? LAURA: Oh my god ASHLEY: I immediately started doing push ups while watching the episode LIAM: Sarah Connor level– ASHLEY: Sarah Connor level, yeah TRAVIS: And then pull ups MARISHA: Before I objectify my good friend Julie Nathanson, yeah, you should catch it right now and the next episode will air Tuesday, February 18th at 4:00 p.m LAURA: Ooh SAM: That’s not this upcoming Tuesday– MARISHA: Not this Tuesday SAM: The next one MARISHA: Next Tuesday SAM: That’s right MATT: Gotcha. Cool SAM: Thanks, Marish LIAM: Was that your Italian accent? MARISHA: Couldn’t you tell? TRAVIS and MATT: Oh hello (laughter) MATT: Five years later, still fresh off the noggin TALIESIN: What’s going on over there? I’m a little worried about Italy now It’s like, everybody okay? I don’t know, what sounds so weird? LIAM: A-next-a Tuesday MATT: (Mario accent) Let’s-a go All right, moving on (laughter) MATT: Laura! Laura, you’ve got some announcements, too LAURA: Woo, I do TALIESIN: Oh man LAURA: First of all, we got new stuff in our stores, the US shop and the UK shop Let’s cut to this fabulous– SAM: Cut to? Oh LAURA: Keychain Yeah, I think they’ve got it on the table so that you can get a better shot TALIESIN: Oh, look at that (oohing) LAURA: I don’t know if it’s on the, I don’t know But yeah, it’s this beautiful, and it spins MARISHA: Yeah, do the demonstration LAURA: Okay, I’m going to take it, I’m going to pull it out TALIESIN: Take it, take it SAM: Cut to the other camera TALIESIN: There you go LAURA: I’m going to take it Look, ooh SAM: Okay LAURA: It spins ALL: Whoa LAURA: Oh, this one isn’t– TRAVIS: Spinners, y’all LAURA: Hold on, I’m not doing it very well. There SAM: You’re blocking it with your thumb LAURA: Shut up! Anyway, it spins and it’s got this fabulous copper finish Anyway, I like it (laughter) ASHLEY: Good sale TALIESIN: Wow MATT: There you go, there you go LAURA: There it is SAM: It’s copper style LAURA: It’s copper style, yeah ASHLEY: It’s copper LAURA: ♪ Do-do do do-do do doo! ♪ (cheering) LAURA: ♪ Do doo! ♪ This is– wait, where’s the logo? There it is This is called Bailey’s Dice Bag of Hoarding MARISHA: It’s the size of your head LAURA: Dee dee TRAVIS: It’s bigger LAURA: Yeah, so this was a bag that was inspired by the bags made for several of us I don’t know if she’s made everyone a bag, but only the ones that she really loves Chrissy Ahrens, I hope I’m saying your last name right She’s on Twitter at @marajade33082 and she’s wonderful She does custom bags and everything, so Other people do custom bags as well But ours– SAM: Now we do custom bags LAURA: Well, ours is not custom SAM: Well LAURA: But it’s beautiful and it’s got these fabulous lining– anyway MARISHA: Oh yeah, the lining is super cute LIAM: With the Wendy doodles LAURA: The Wendy doodles ASHLEY: With the thing in the middle that you can hold it, too LAURA: Yeah, and it’s got a wonderful bag, oh hold on, look at this And it’ll hold lots and lots of dice
I know because I put everything from my dice bag in here to make sure– TRAVIS: That looks super durable Can I use that for all my hardware needs at home? SAM: Oh, that’s right (laughter) SAM: Fellas, you could keep nails in there LAURA: It’s got a super sturdy bottom, though, so it won’t lose its shape SAM: Screws and nails LAURA: Anyway, I love it Check it out And also, for anybody that’s going to C2E2, people have been asking me if our merch is going to be there and we are not going to be selling it personally, but a lot of our stuff will be at the C2E2 merch booth, so you can go there and get some– SAM: At the C2E2 merch booth? LAURA: Did I say that right? TRAVIS: Yeah SAM: Is that right? LAURA: Yeah It’s at the C2E2 merch booth SAM: Okay TRAVIS: Actual convention merch LAURA: Yeah MATT: You instill Laura with insecurity on camera SAM: No, I just never heard of such a thing LAURA: Yeah, it’s pretty cool SAM: There’s a merch booth there? Cool LAURA: Yeah, they sell the con stuff, but they are also going to sell our stuff MARISHA: Have their big booth where you can go– SAM: I don’t go to cons LAURA: Shut up SAM: I don’t know things LAURA: I’m debating I don’t know whether to keep it in my custom bag or pour some in– maybe I’ll just put the ones that are in my other bag in this one MARISHA: You have plenty TALIESIN: You can get smaller dice bags– TRAVIS: Did you hear that? Someone beside me, speaking truth, slinging it LAURA: What’d you say, Marisha? TRAVIS: You don’t have to fill it up MARISHA: Nothing, I didn’t say anything, it was Travis Travis said everything It was Travis TRAVIS: Hide quickly, the laser beams SAM: Matt, I think it’s back to you, brother MATT: I think it might be Thank you, Laura LAURA: Thank you, Matt MATT: And I believe that marks the end of all of our announcements and as such, let’s go ahead and jump into tonight’s episode of Critical Role (water bubbling) (thunder booming) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice, dice, dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware ’cause you’re ’bout to be dead! ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there ♪ ♪ There’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it’s your turn (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames whooshing) (dragon roaring) MATT: You guys were so late on the draw that time TALIESIN: (groans) MATT: Welcome back So last we left off, The Mighty Nein, in discovering that the curse that still holds Nott in her goblinoid form after her initial transformation years ago remained and apparently was still held by the same magical woman that had originally imposed this curse upon her You traveled your way through Kamordah, had a tense experience meeting the Lionett family, who also has attachments to this entity, who you came to discover was named as Isharnai the Prism Sage, who lived to the northern forest marshlands amongst the bases around Mount Mentiri You traversed this dangerous landscape, dealing with various pockets of unleashed acidic moisture and steam bursting forth from the geothermal ground itself You lost a few horses and let the others wander You made your way through swamps and got lost, got exhausted, dealt with fighting a few gorefeather harpies, and then eventually found your way to the base of Mount Mentiri, to the exterior of the abode of Isharnai just as the sun set Upon looking around, you eventually discovered this creature invisible on the roof watching you all as you were just investigating her homestead, after which you had some conversations with her, discovered that she could offer many things, just like she has in the past, in exchange for a touch of your own fortune Seemed to thrive on misery for those who ask for too much After some very emotional conversations
and thoughts about what some of you are willing to sacrifice to trade for this curse that still remained on Nott, Jester bamboozled her, and me, through a clutch combination of Dust of Deliciousness, a random magical item I made up and gave you back in episode 30– (laughter) MATT: — and used it to modify the memory of her, to convince this crone-type creature that she had such an amazing time and you guys bonded so quickly and in this time, she just was happy to release it for your companionship And you left, walked outside into the dark night as you were all tired and wondering what happened, to have Jester go, “Go, we have to go, now.” As you all were quickly ushered off this somewhat moss-covered darkened hut, the dull interior candlelit glow that pours through the partially ajar doorway You all spearhead downward, back into the swampy valley that awaits you as night has just begun And that is where we left off As Jester is quickly ushering you down into the darkness, what do you do? SAM: Quick, quickly LIAM: Why, why are we– SAM: Cast Find the Path LAURA: Oh I don’t have that prepared SAM: Okay, great TALIESIN: What’s Find the Path? LAURA: It’s a spell so I can find a path But I thought, you know, she’d be dead and we wouldn’t have to be hurrying or anything like that, so Caleb, Caleb, just teleport us away from here LIAM: Oh, I, uh, oh MARISHA: What happened, though? What happened? TRAVIS: What do you mean, “Oh”? LAURA: You are saying this as we’re walking, right, we’re going through the brambles now MARISHA: Hang on though, because wait, though, what? LAURA: Wait, what? SAM: Oh yeah What happened? Are we okay? ASHLEY: Kill her or anything? SAM: What happened? LAURA: Everything’s fine SAM: Did you give up something? LAURA: Something, yeah, like real sprecial (laughter) ASHLEY: A real sprecial? LAURA: Yeah, it’s a real sprecial ASHLEY: What’s a sprecial? SAM: Sprinkle’s name LIAM: It’s an Indian dish Shpretzies are the best MARISHA: You made shpretzle out of Sprinkle? LAURA: No, Sprinkle’s fine, look MARISHA: Oh ASHLEY: What’s a sprecial? (giggling) MATT: (sighs) MARISHA: He has no hair, Jester LAURA: What? I’m going to get some food out and just feed Sprinkle as we talk (laughter) LAURA: He’s eating, it’s, he’s fine LIAM: (gagging) LAURA: It’s like beef jerky, it’s fine TRAVIS: Peanut allergy MARISHA: So dry It won’t go down LIAM: This is a show about a weasel (laughter) SAM: Wait, are we in danger? Do we need to run? TALIESIN: We are moving apace, aren’t we? Yeah, we are moving apace MATT: You are LAURA: I maybe, I’d rather not say this right now Like, you know, I gave away something really special and shit’s fine, it’s fine We should just go because I don’t want to, like– MARISHA: Is Nott good, though? LIAM: Yeah, are we taken care of here, or– LAURA: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine Nott, your curse is broken MARISHA: Is my brother good? LAURA: What do you mean? She said she– What did–? MARISHA: I don’t know, I had some questions LAURA: You didn’t make a deal, did you? MARISHA: No LAURA: Then your brother’s fine Right? TRAVIS: What, what do you mean? What do you mean your brother? MARISHA: No, just keep going TRAVIS: Okay, so we need to go It’s fine, Nott is good LAURA: Go, get walking TRAVIS: And Caleb, you said “oh” earlier to the teleport request? LIAM: No, I do not have that ready TALIESIN: Wait, oh Okay, oh LAURA: Can you, do you have Find the Path, can you find us a path? TALIESIN: No, I can definitely– TRAVIS: I thought you found the path before LAURA: I did but, you know, I prepare some spells at the beginning of the day and I didn’t prepare that one TALIESIN: Keep an eye on things behind us SAM: Yeah, I’m going to look behind us MATT: Perception check, both of you LAURA: Because I thought we would be fighting and so I prepared, like, a heal spell instead Because, you know, I heal TALIESIN: 22 LIAM: We have a certain way of doing things Normally we raze things to the ground, so I did not think that we would need to escape in a hurry TRAVIS: Yep, no, that’s true LIAM: So TRAVIS: Yep LIAM: I came prepared to fuck shit up, but I cannot get us out TRAVIS: Yeah, you know, act as if, basically, we just walk like, you know, you traded something that she loved– LAURA: I did TRAVIS: And Nott’s fine and we’re going to make our way out of here like we did before LAURA: Yeah, we’re walking away confidently and happily and knowing that– LIAM: The deal is closed Why do we need to rush, though? LAURA: Well, um– MATT: (hooting) You hear the nocturnal creatures are starting to come out The night has definitely claimed the dense forest as you guys feel the ground beneath you at this point beginning to turn a little softer, then the moisture of the swamp approaching You do not see anything immediately behind you beyond just the occasional dark shadow of some sort of nocturnal flight bird or predator finding its way out for an early evening bite LAURA: The thing that I gave her, you know, I’ve never actually given before or used, so–
SAM: What did you give her? LAURA: I gave her– MARISHA: Did you kiss her? LAURA: Yeah, I gave her a real big smooch and she loved it. She was like, “Oh my god.” TRAVIS: We don’t believe you, Jester Will you tell us what you gave her, please? TALIESIN: I hadn’t even gotten to that LAURA: I gave her a cupcake My last one, I gave her my last cupcake TRAVIS: What did you really give her? LAURA: I gave her a cupcake SAM and ASHLEY: That was enough? LAURA: Yep, yeah TRAVIS: How could a cupcake possibly be enough? SAM: I don’t feel any different You’re telling me that– TRAVIS: Nott was prepared to give war SAM: — the curse has been lifted on me? Do I look different? LAURA: I was in the room and the whole room went dark and she waved her hand and she said the curse was broken The whole room went really, like, magically dark, you know what I mean? And I believed her SAM: You believe her? LAURA: Yeah Yeah SAM: Well, thank you LIAM: Well, I suppose if it’s not true, we could always double back? LAURA: What? TALIESIN: That’s fair LAURA: Why don’t we just make the hut or something– TRAVIS: Oh, finish the job? Yeah It doesn’t seem like a deal would be concluded with a cupcake Maybe we should take care of this ourselves TALIESIN: Well, let’s, let’s– LAURA: You don’t trust me? SAM: I trust you TRAVIS: No, I trust you, I just don’t believe– LAURA: You just don’t believe me? You don’t believe me that I would know the difference if a curse was broken and a deal was made? TRAVIS: How would she break a curse that’s been hanging over Nott for years over a cupcake? ASHLEY: What flavor was the cupcake? LAURA: It was blueberry TALIESIN: I mean, I’ll do a lot for a blueberry cupcake ASHLEY: Okay TRAVIS: It’s been a minute since you’ve gotten any new cupcakes How old was that cupcake? LAURA: It was pretty old TRAVIS: What are we missing? LAURA: The frosting was, like, real stale I tasted it LIAM: To be fair, she probably eats, you know, earthworms and– LAURA: Exactly LIAM: Fungus and stuff SAM: This is all very confusing LAURA: Plus it had some of that stuff that Pumat gave us SAM: We need to get somewhere safe so we can talk this out MARISHA: Wait, what was that last part? LAURA: You know, that stuff? TALIESIN: No LAURA: The dust that, remember, we talked about and makes food taste really good TALIESIN: Oh. Oh! Oh that, oh that LAURA: Yeah TALIESIN: Oh that, oh LAURA: Mm-hmm TALIESIN: Oh TRAVIS: What about it? LAURA: It made it taste good LIAM: Pretty damn good LAURA: Can I look behind us? Is anything following us? MATT: Make a perception check TALIESIN: I’ll join you. I’m going to keep doing this LAURA: I don’t care, I’m going to look anyway again TALIESIN: 27 LAURA: Ooh, you saw way more than me 17 MATT: For the time being, no You don’t notice anything behind you The air is cold and the mist is rising in the swamp as you guys begin to now hit the elements of the mud and water that you’re now ankle deep and you can hear the (squelching) LAURA: You guys, this is probably dangerous to traverse in the night SAM: Should we go in the hut and just camouflage ourselves? TRAVIS: Well, it’s soggy MARISHA: Maybe TRAVIS: I don’t really know if there’s– MARISHA: Why don’t we find solid ground first? TALIESIN: Let’s find somewhere to put the hut, maybe off the beaten track MARISHA: We need to do the ritual for Nott LIAM: Oh, oh boy It has been a week, you guys MARISHA: Do you have stuff? Do we need to start collecting clay? LIAM: Yeah SAM: Wait, not that ritual LAURA: No, no, no. What? LIAM: She is talking about Nott’s ritual, but– LAURA: No, let’s– that takes, like, an hour LIAM: We do that at home, I think. Right? LAURA: Let’s make the hut SAM: Not while we’re running, no MARISHA: What if it’s not broken? LAURA: It’s broken, Beau MARISHA: How, though? LAURA: I’ll tell you if we get the hut up, okay? I’ll talk to you guys in the hut, Beau LIAM: Well, let’s a bit of dry ground if we’re able to TRAVIS: Sure, yeah, okay LIAM: 10 to 15 feet LAURA: Can we search around for solid ground? MATT: Make a survival check SAM: Survival TRAVIS: ♪ You’re a survivor ♪ LAURA: Just me? Did anybody give me Guidance? Any advantage because people are also, ooh 20– what is that, 23 plus a d4 MATT: Damn, Jester LAURA: 26 MATT: 26, okay TALIESIN: That was one hell of a roll MATT: All right, you go ahead and it takes you about an hour because you either have to get really far off the beaten path or you have to push forward and you’re like, going forward, there’s a chance you might find– it’s easier to find things that break the surface when it’s not as shallow, but also, you’re off the beaten path and you know where you’ve traveled and the safest, or at least the most immediate, distance between where you are and where you’re going LAURA: Okay MATT: It takes about an hour before you find a patch of land that is mostly above water and can probably fit the dome in it There is one issue is a quarter of it would be filled with part of a fallen, rotted trunk of a tree, which means you’ll have to be pretty tight in there when you sleep, but it’s doable LAURA: We’ll squish in SAM: The dome would be around the tree trunk? MATT: Yes LAURA: That’s fine MATT: Unless one of you want to sleep in the water MARISHA: Nope TRAVIS: Hollowed out tree trunk or solid? LIAM: Is it a fun straw into our home? LAURA: No, because the dome would go through the hut, right? Go through the trunk, anyway MATT: The trunk would be inside the dome as far as getting enough ground that is open and not under water and under the actual
marsh water, but it is not hollow and it is rotted You go to inspect it and you pull it and the jagged parts peel off softly LAURA: Can we just move the trunk? MATT: It’s rooted in the ground You can try and move it up if you want to try and tear the trunk out SAM: Just sleep around it It’ll be uncomfortable but safe LAURA: Okay MATT: How long does it take for you to cast it as a ritual? LIAM: 11 minutes as a ritual MARISHA: Should we try and push the trunk for 11 minutes? LAURA: Yeah, for 11 minutes, we’ll try to move it MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a– who’s helming this? MARISHA: I help the girls MATT: Oh, the girls are doing it? LAURA: and ASHLEY: Yeah MARISHA: You two are strength-based MATT: Yeah, so both you guys make strength checks for me, please ASHLEY: Okay MARISHA: And I am there for emotional support LAURA: Guidance TALIESIN: I’m watching, I’m watching for anything ASHLEY: Natural 20 LAURA: Oh shit ALL: Whoa! LAURA: And I got a 27 MATT: Woo! SAM: Wow MATT: Damn TALIESIN: 20 on perception, too, just keeping an eye on– MATT: Fair enough SAM: She’s the splinter maker MATT: As Jester and Yasha reach, both getting their fingers into the ground, and it’s easy to get a grip because the soft earth gives way to your fingers as you push and find a heavy handhold on these deeply sunken roots You both count to three and then lift (grunting) at once and you hear (cracking) as it tears up out of the ground Some of the roots splinter and break and some pull up right out of the soft earth as you both lift and give it a shove and it (splashing) TRAVIS: Damn MATT: It floats out over the water and sinks halfway before it finds enough soot and muck underneath to come to rest TRAVIS: ♪ She’s a brick– ♪ TRAVIS and MARISHA: ♪ –house ♪ MATT: The mist has come in quickly in this space, which, by the way, if you could, Caduceus, roll again because it would be disadvantage with the heavy mist around you TALIESIN: Oh, that’s fine LIAM: Salamanders and aphids go (fluttering) TALIESIN: That’s even higher, so 20 is still the roll MATT: The splash hits. You’re about maybe– that took no time, you guys took maybe two minutes to get that thing out of the way So you’re still partially into this Right as you guys are, you know, getting excited about that, you see something, a shape in the mist LAURA: What does it look like? What’s the shape look like? MATT: Looks like a– TALIESIN: There MATT: Kind of like a person MARISHA: Is it a ghost? LAURA: Person, it looks like a person? SAM: A person? LAURA: It looks just like a person? MATT: Then there’s three more MARISHA: Oh, it’s a ghost ASHLEY: Floating? LAURA: How far away? MATT: They’re just shapes in the mist that you can barely make out And you guys can’t even see, you’re the one who’s pointing originally Jester, you can just make it out a little bit SAM: Cast faster, cast faster, cast faster LIAM: (squawking) Six minutes, five minutes, I don’t know MATT: You see a shape come out of the water– ASHLEY: Oh! MATT: Not too far from where you are, on the edge of where the trunk of the tree had hit the edge, you see a shape, a person rise up out of it LAURA: Can we get their attention? MARISHA: Move closer and start prepping Caduceus, tell us what these are TALIESIN: Quickly checking, I’m checking, I’m doing the– are they undead? I’m doing the– MATT: You’re doing which one? TALIESIN: The Eyes of the Grave MATT: Eyes of the Grave What’s the range on that? TALIESIN: Range on that is 60 feet I know the location of any undead within 60 feet that isn’t behind total cover MATT: Okay, cool You got about 15 that suddenly show up– LAURA: And it’s undead? MATT: — immediately around you as undead LAURA: I’m going to Turn Undead You going to do the same thing? TALIESIN: You first, or do you want to–? MATT: Well first, let’s go ahead and roll initiative (cheering) TRAVIS: Oh, I should’ve known Not going to leave us high and dry LAURA: No, we caught a bite TRAVIS: My body’s happy! MARISHA: Last week was just a sample fight It barely counted MATT: You charged right into the depths of the swamp right as the night kicks in and make loud noises? SAM: This combat is powered by Dwarven Forge dwarvenforge.com– ASHLEY: We just decided to SAM: Dwarven Forge, Dwarven Forge LAURA: Yeah, what are we going to do? What’re we going to do, camp outside of her hut? ASHLEY: Yeah, we can’t It must be done LIAM: Here comes the mist TRAVIS: Not a good initiative, not good at all LAURA: Oh no TALIESIN: Oh no, initiative, I knew I forgot something LAURA: Roll well, roll really well TRAVIS: Balls LAURA: Okay, that was not good TRAVIS: Balls and anus SAM: Balls, and anus ALL Balls, balls, and anus LIAM: Love that song (laughter) TRAVIS: Parents, if you’re watching with your kids, we apologize LAURA: Nothing wrong with balls and anus SAM: Those are medical terms LAURA: Medical terms, exactly TRAVIS: ♪ Inbetweenus, Mr. Grinch. ♪ ASHLEY: As far as you know SAM: By the way, our new book is going to be in stores soon: Everyone Has an Anus (laughter) LIAM: I mean, it’s true TRAVIS: With little decals and vinyl stickers LAURA: Oh god Me and Yasha would be standing next to each other because we just did the trunk MARISHA: Oh, yay MATT: You guys’d be– MARISHA: ‘Bout time MATT: All right, and so– TRAVIS: That’s so cool, though, come on ASHLEY: That’s so cool TRAVIS: Look at these trees! SAM: Oh wow, wow TRAVIS: Look at the log and the fucking moss–! All right, I’m going to chill (laughter) ASHLEY: Not that this is not being recorded, but this is really cool LAURA: For your own– LIAM: I got to make sure somebody sees this (laughter) LAURA: Matt’s like, “Yeah, you fucks “You shoulda seen my map last week.” MATT: Yep (laughter) TRAVIS: Not that long ago LAURA: Oh god LIAM: Yep LAURA: Oh god SAM: Oh my god, he’s got a lot of minis LAURA: There’s 15 of them
Yeah, there’s a lot of minis SAM: Maybe they all have– MARISHA: Caduceus SAM: –three hit points LIAM: ♪ Meet me in the garden ♪ LIAM, ASHLEY, and LAURA: ♪ Hoegaarden ♪ (grunting) (laughter) LIAM: Big throwback MARISHA: Maybe some glowy, glowy fisties? SAM: Glowy fisties? TALIESIN: You say that out loud? Yeah, I got it Did you just say glowy fisty? MARISHA: Glowy fisties, Caddy ASHLEY: ♪ Glowy fisties. ♪ TALIESIN: I may not have it LAURA: Oh wait If you do– MARISHA: If you have it LIAM: Glowy fisty night at Booty LA LAURA: If you do that– TALIESIN: I may not have it LAURA: –we won’t be able to do– TALIESIN: Yeah, I may not actually have glowy fisty right now (gentle music) MATT: And then– SAM: Wow, Matt is setting up a lot of miniatures TALIESIN: I actually don’t have glowy fisty right now, so LAURA: Oh god SAM: (sighing) MATT: All righty LAURA: Oh! SAM: Oh, and lighting change? Come on LAURA: Please MATT: As you make that point, and you guys begin see these shapes move and shift, you see the one that comes out of the water nearby, right over on that side near Jester and Yasha, the trunk that has floated out in that direction, you see it rise up and go– LAURA: That’s a scary one MATT: And you see they’re humanoid, though largely their flesh is bloated and sloughing off their body in places, swollen and green, just this horrible toxic zombie-type persona and it looks like it will move really slow And it goes (whoosh) LAURA: No! (groaning) TRAVIS: Oh, stop MATT: Rushes with a speed faster than any sort of zombie you’ve seen in your time LAURA: I hate fast zombies MATT: Initiative, please If everyone hasn’t rolled yet LIAM: I rolled shit ASHLEY: I did, too LAURA: I rolled shit MARISHA: I rolled average Matt: (cackling) LAURA: He’s rolling really well MATT: Natural 20 TRAVIS: Oh! That’s the opposite of what I rolled MATT: All right, so 25 to 20? ASHLEY: 20 LAURA: Oh shit! MATT: Yasha is going with them LAURA: Yasha! SAM: Ashley Johnson ASHLEY: I’m doing slo-mo on the smoke (laughter) MATT: All righty 20 to 15? MARISHA: 15 TALIESIN: 16 SAM: 18 MATT: Oh, shit LAURA: I’ve got to write this stuff down MATT: All right TRAVIS: Nott MATT: Nott. You said 16– oh, Caduceus got 16? Then Beau, all right 15 to 10? LIAM: 12 MATT: Ten to five? LAURA: Eight SAM: Is this all the same day? MATT: Yeah SAM: Oh, I guess it won’t affect us too much, but we’re all exhausted, so– MATT: Yes, you all have a point– well, most of you have a point of exhaustion TRAVIS: I rolled a one MATT: All right, Fjord’s up there Okay TRAVIS: I basically didn’t even notice anything. (laughs) MATT: So– TRAVIS: What’re you guys getting all excited for? MATT: Yasha, what’s your dexterity? ASHLEY: My dexterity is 15 MATT: I’ll let you go first, then SAM: Oh ASHLEY: Okay LAURA: Ooh! ASHLEY: Um, okay, so, who’s nearest? TRAVIS: Who’s nearest? MATT: You have these two that are almost equidistant This one is probably closest to you there ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to go over there I would like to rage TRAVIS: (Grog voice) Yes, you would! MATT: All righty, drawing which blade? LAURA: Your witch blade! ASHLEY: My Skingorger MATT: You got it (whoosh) You charge through, sploosh, sploosh Now, in this space, your movement is– LAURA: Halved. Of course MATT: –halved because you are in pretty heavy swamp around the space of where you guys are currently located ASHLEY: Okay MATT: But you get there without an issue You rush into the first one and it’s there in front of you Now, as opposed to just an undead and a zombie that’s falling apart, and you’ve encountered a number of those in spaces, this reminds you of some of the zombies that you’ve seen in elements of Xhorhas that are usually curse-based husk zombies or they’re created by nergaliids, similar in ways to the ones that showed up at the carnival when you first– LAURA: Oh MATT: –met up with these people They are faster, their fingers are bladed– LAURA: (gasps) MATT: –and they’re, all around, a little more volatile than your standard lumbering undead But nevertheless, in that moment of recognition, your blade is out What are you doing? ASHLEY: Okay I’m going to attack MATT: All right ASHLEY: Go for the head MARISHA: Yeah ASHLEY: Yeah! That would be a 28 to hit MATT: That’ll hit ASHLEY: Okay MARISHA: Because it’s so rusted That’s what you have to be careful about It’s not the blade TRAVIS: That shot is a bitch, too It hurts. It’s like two days, you got to rub it ASHLEY: I’m going to roll those again because of– yeah, I’m going to take that hit 12, 13… 23 for the first hit MATT: 23 points of damage? ASHLEY: Yep MATT: Nice You hack through, carving through, and you see its body open up a bit As it does, as opposed to the black coagulated blood, almost like moss pours out with the wound as it opens up The arm splinters a bit but holds in place and then like (groans) ASHLEY: Oh, that’s gross Okay, second hit Oh, same, 28 MATT: That’ll do Roll damage a second time ASHLEY: Okay Going to roll again
Okay, same (counting) (panting) 12 points of damage MATT: 12 points of damage SAM: Nice! MATT: Second strike carves through and jams partway in its torso and gets stuck and the creature (gasps) bows for a second like it’s about to collapse and then (low gasp) back up at you with the blade still stuck in its torso As you pull it back, it lurches forward towards you Now, they’re all going to go SAM: Oh LIAM: Hey, Matt Before you go forward, can we add my Resident Echo to the map? MATT: Oh, good call, because you do still have him LAURA: How long does he last? MATT: Eight hours LAURA: Tight! MATT: Where would you like him to go? LIAM: I would’ve had him be a lookout, so I don’t think he would be right with us LIAM: Right there? LIAM: Oh, there he is It’s the nega-Caleb MATT: Yep LIAM: Could I put him standing under this tree? MATT: Sure LAURA: Because he doesn’t have to worry about swampies MATT: You got it Okay, cool So now it’s their turn (whooshing) (squeaking) LAURA: Oh god, they’re so fast MATT: They are very fast Even with their reduced movement, they are much quicker than any zombie you’ve encountered Although, you’ve encountered these once a long time ago TALIESIN: A long time ago MATT: These are– MARISHA: It’s like when they remove frames in a horror film and they just– TRAVIS: Oh god MARISHA: You know? LAURA: Yeah (hissing) MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah LAURA: Oh, I hate that shit That’s like, I have nightmares like that ASHLEY: For clarification? MATT: Yes? ASHLEY: I rolled savage attack on both of those, Savage Attacker, but the second, that second one that I rolled, I rolled the same both times. I just realized, I was like, “I think I can only use that once per turn.” MATT: That’s all good ASHLEY: Sorry But thank you for being honest ASHLEY: Just so later, people aren’t like, “You did it wrong.” SAM: Oh, they’ll still do that ASHLEY: I know I did LAURA: I know, I’m letting you know I know ASHLEY: Yeah, I’m letting you know I know I realized LIAM: It’s a side rule It’s a Fred Savage attack, it’s not the same thing TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Fred Savage attack ASHLEY: Yep, yep MATT: The one that you’ve jammed the blade in and it’s nearly dead, it goes, (gasps) looks at you and you watch as its chest pulses and inflates, (explosion) it bursts into a spray of toxic, visceral liquid– SAM: Ugh MATT: Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw– LAURA: Oh my god ASHLEY: Sheesh ASHLEY: Constitution? MATT: Yeah, constitution saving throw, please MARISHA: We’ve got poppers? TRAVIS: That changes things ASHLEY: Ew ASHLEY: Seven, I mean ten MATT: Ten, that is still a failure, you take 18 points of poison damage ASHLEY: Oh! Goodness! TRAVIS: One eight? MATT: Yes As it explodes, it is destroyed, but you are coated in this horrible poisonous liquid that like scars the flesh a bit and it’s all in your eyes and your mouth and it burns and it’s awful TRAVIS: Doesn’t happen to hurt the gentleman next to him, does it? MATT: He doesn’t seem affected by it He’s going to attack you twice LAURA: Oh my god MATT: Oh, shit LAURA: No, don’t– MATT: Two 18s, literally, in a row ASHLEY: That hits MATT: Yeah, so that’ll be a 23 each All right, you take– TALIESIN: Turn Undead might be bad, then MATT: 17 points of bludgeoning damage You are raging, so that is halved to eight, I believe, eight points of bludgeoning damage to you ASHLEY: ‘Kay MATT: All right, that’s two attacks on you, Jester LAURA: Me? MATT: That’s four attacks on you from two of them LAURA: Little old me? MATT: Yep! There are two of them that are currently rushed in towards you TALIESIN: — for you, then LAURA: Okay MATT: All right, natural one misses, that’s cocked They rolled really bad The highest one is a 15. What’s your armor class? LAURA: 18 MATT: Yeah They just rush in and strike close with their fingers are clawing and you’re holding up your shield and you’re like one gets close to you and you bash it away and it backs up again (growling) They double back and go in for the assault a second time Caduceus, you have one that rushed up to you and it’s going to attack you twice Oh, twice in a row 13 and a 13s TALIESIN: No, and I’m going to use Shield of Retribution MATT: Okay, go for it TALIESIN: Misses with a melee attack I can just block them with arcane force They suffer 4d6 force damage and they also have to move 20 feet away from me ASHLEY: Tight SAM: Shield of Retri-busch LAURA: Whoa Those dice are beautiful TALIESIN: 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 MATT: 19 points TALIESIN: 19 points of force damage and 20 feet back MATT: It runs towards you, leaps in the air, and as it goes to strike with both claws, you hold the shield up, take the blow, and shove it off as a blast of energy (firing) Fires it, throwing it back 20 feet It (crashing) lands and then, (squelching) jumps up with an unexpected speed and is getting ready to come back next round ASHLEY: Whoa! MATT: These two are going to go after your echo, Caleb TRAVIS: Uh-huh, uh-huh MATT: It’s four strikes against it, the first two– LIAM: He’s a tank, he’ll be fine (laughter) MATT: 13 and a 14? LIAM: No. No! (laughter) TRAVIS: They don’t hit! TALIESIN: Hey! MATT: But it doesn’t have Mage Armor on it LIAM: I don’t have Mage Armor on I have elven chain and– MATT: That’s true
Yeah, there you go, so both those miss LIAM: First time for everything (laughter) TRAVIS: Whoosh, whoosh, really? (laughter) MATT: And two more strikes against you MATT: Just a mime going– (laughter) MATT: That’s 21 and 21 LIAM: Oh yeah, those hit (laughter) He’s gone SAM: Are those against your shadow or– LIAM: He’s a confetti filled balloon, guys (laughter) MARISHA: He took them all MATT: 13 points of bludgeoning damage Oh. No, he’s still up That’s from both of them? MATT: Yeah, one of them missed two attacks, the other one hit twice but didn’t roll super high in the damage LIAM: Oh LAURA: Are you low on health already? TRAVIS: No MARISHA: No, it’s his echo It’s his shadow LAURA: Oh! LIAM: Yeah, it’s– I’ve never used this spell, sorry MATT: It’s all good That’s going to be four attacks– LIAM: It’s still up! MATT: There you go (laughter) (clapping) Congratulations! TRAVIS: Take it, man MATT: That’s four strikes against you, Fjord TRAVIS: Yep MARISHA: Oh, shit MATT: Ooh TRAVIS: That’s a good sound That’s what you want to hear LAURA: Yeah MATT: A seven, an eleven, a 17, and a 19 TRAVIS: 17 and 19 hits, the last two don’t MATT: Okay That is 14 points of bludgeoning damage to you TRAVIS: Okay MATT: As both of them go just raking towards you, bashing into you, trying desperately to get through, and then the other tries coming through and they slash into your torso and the side of your head and you like (grunts) go forward You can feel the warmth as the blood is pouring through the scalp already from where it slashed the back of your head That is going to finish that one there There is now one against you, Caleb, with two strikes TRAVIS: The 14 points of damage were the last two strikes combined? MATT: Yes TRAVIS: Okay, gotcha Make sure we’re not actually– MATT: That’s two strikes against you, Caleb, from the one that managed to squeeze through to get to you Ooh That is a 23 and a natural 20 LIAM: Those both seem to hit for some reason TALIESIN: Cancel the natural 20 LIAM: Oh SAM: Yes MATT: Did you use your reaction to do your shield? TALIESIN: Oh, I don’t know if that– I don’t know if the shield counts as a reaction, hold on MATT: Does it say under the– TALIESIN: Yeah, it will say it Yeah, it’s my reaction, fuck, sorry (groaning) LIAM: Bring it on MATT: All right That is a– LAURA: How many times a day do you get that? TALIESIN: Once MATT: Seven points of slashing damage to you, Caleb LIAM: Yeah, okay MATT: Then the crit TALIESIN: I don’t think I did, it wasn’t marked MATT: 10, 13 points of slashing damage on that one LIAM: (high-pitched noise) SAM: That’s not bad MATT: Not too bad Two attacks against you, Beauregard MARISHA: Yeah MATT: This is the last of their run That is going to be a 13– MARISHA: Miss MATT: And a 20 MARISHA: 20 hits MATT: 20 hits, you take seven points of slashing damage MARISHA: Okay, that’s fine MATT: That is the rest of their turn Next up comes Nott Nott, what’re you doing? SAM: That was a lot of attacks MATT: Yeah You go from just a couple of shadows in the mist to suddenly being swarmed by this horrible– (groaning) LAURA: Instant chaos MATT: Sound of sucking, terrible undead voices and you’re just swarmed You hear an explosion and a scream off to the side, your friends are being assailed by them, what’re you doing? SAM: I feel like– LAURA: Can I just– there’s one over here that we didn’t move SAM: Oh, there is one over there MATT: Oh, thank you, thank you for that LIAM: (high-pitched voice) Kill, kill, kill TRAVIS: That’s not an undead, that’s just an observer (laughter) TALIESIN: “Hey, what’re y’all doing over– oh.” MARISHA: The Gentleman? What are you doing here? MATT: And actually, these guys couldn’t attack but they can still at least get up in the mix. Which they would anyway with their dash action, so there we go LIAM: Jeepers MATT: Actually, this one would probably get behind Ashley there, so we’ll go with that MARISHA: Jinkies MATT: Mmkay So, what’re you doing, Nott? SAM: She’s right next to me, huh? LAURA: I’m sorry, I fucked that up for you SAM: No, that’s fine, it’s fine I feel like Yasha’s okay, I feel like Jester’s going to do some magic shit Fjord I don’t really care about. Beau– Beau’s fine MARISHA: I’ll be fine SAM: I got to protect Caleb I will shoot the one engaged with Caleb MATT: Right here? SAM: Yes MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack SAM: Four. (laughs) Plus 10! So 14 MATT: That hits SAM: Hey! MATT: They are very easy to hit They don’t try and dodge, they don’t have any armor LAURA: Whoa, that was a good roll SAM: Yes it was. 20 32 plus 6, 38, 38 points of damage LIAM: Yeah MATT: 38 points of damage (chuckles) It is done SAM: Ooh! Does it explode or is it okay? MATT: As you strike it in the back of its head, it falls forward onto its knees and then its body (squelching)– (groaning) MATT: Bursts. I need Beauregard, Caleb, and Fjord to all make constitution saving throws, please MARISHA: No, it’s going to happen LIAM: ♪ This is how we do it ♪ MARISHA: It’s okay TRAVIS: 24 MATT: 24, success, you take 12 points of poison damage TRAVIS: Oof MARISHA: 20 MATT: 12 points of poison damage Caleb? LIAM: (mumbling) TALIESIN: I got some distance MARISHA: I’m– does my– LIAM: 18 MATT: 18. 12 points of poison damage MARISHA: Does my immunity to poison change anything? MATT: Huh?
MARISHA: My immunity to poison change anything or– MATT: Immune to the condition or is it– this is your– LIAM: Monk shit MARISHA: My monk shit MATT: I’ll double check here but I’m pretty sure– this might do nothing to you I’m just going to double check real fast here with your– SAM: Monks have a lot of shit MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Yeah, monks are pretty great MARISHA: They’re awesome MATT: Immune to disease and poison Yeah, nothing It hits you and you just– (splashing) (clicks tongue) LIAM: Glisten MATT: Nothing TRAVIS: Your friends are dying MARISHA: Ooh, look at my guns They look good now (laughter) TALIESIN: Huh, interesting LIAM: You are as thin as Gandhi MARISHA: Fuck you SAM: And then I will– that one’s within melee of me, so I will disengage– MATT: All righty SAM: Oh boy, there’s nowhere to run, we’re surrounded, but I’ll– I’ll– I’ll just run away MATT: Okay, your movement is 35? SAM: Yeah Yeah, I’ll run back that way, yeah MATT: 20, 25, 30, that’s about as far as you can get SAM: That seems good MATT: Actually no, you were on the point there, so you can actually get a little further if you want to, over this way, just because you were on the– SAM: Yeah, it’s all good MATT: You were on the section that didn’t have any swamp and then you moved into the swamp SAM: There’s a guy over there, I didn’t see him MATT: Well you do now SAM: Oh, shit! (laughter) Okay, that’s it MATT: All right Caduceus, you’re up, Beau, you’re on deck TALIESIN: I’m going to cast Bless at fourth level MATT: Ooh! TALIESIN: On everyone but Beau MATT: Damn, boy TRAVIS: (laughs) TALIESIN: Everyone gets an extra d4 to attacks and saves MARISHA: I’m flattered that everyone– LIAM: It’s confidence MARISHA: Has– yeah, that much confidence in me TALIESIN: So yeah, if you have to roll a save or if you roll an attack, you can add a d4 to it SAM: #blessed On me as well, or– TALIESIN: Yep SAM: Oh okay, cool TALIESIN: Everyone’s got a d– LAURA: Wait, on me as well? TALIESIN: On you as well SAM and LIAM: “On little ol’ me?” TALIESIN: Even– yeah, everybody MATT: All righty, that’s your action TALIESIN: That’s my action, I’m like– this is where I am right now, oh boy Am I not engaged with any of them? MATT: You were and then you blasted them back with your shield, so you are not currently engaged with anything in combat TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to break off from the group a bit MATT: Okay TALIESIN: Because I have just figured out that this grouping is a disaster TRAVIS: (laughs) TALIESIN: And I’m going to try and get to the other side of this trunk over here, if that’s okay MATT: 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, that’s as far as you– TALIESIN: On the other side of it, if possible LAURA: How long does Bless last? TALIESIN: Until I lose concentration MATT: I’d say because you were in there, I’ll give you another block, but that’s as far as you can get Oh, the other side? TALIESIN: Oh, there’s no way to get through there, yeah MATT: That’s also rough terrain because it’s a bunch of bunching, so I can get you about there TALIESIN: I’m getting in there– MATT: And you are partially enveloped by a bush (laughing) MATT: There you go You’re good, you’re good TALIESIN: There we go MATT: Or there, too That works fine, sure, wherever you want to go, Caduceus TALIESIN: That’s where– I’m trying to back up against that MATT: All right TALIESIN: There we go, if that’s real stuff MATT: There you go TALIESIN: Oh boy Yeah, that’s– I don’t think I have a bonus action so yeah, that’s– MATT: Beauregard, you’re up MARISHA: All right MATT: Caleb, you’re on deck MARISHA: I have zombie Jesus here Zombie Jesus? MATT: (chuckles) Sure MARISHA: And then that guy? MATT: Yes MARISHA: I’m going to elbow the guy behind me and then give a nice roundhouse to the guy up front, I don’t know MATT: Go for it. So one attack to each? MARISHA: One to each MATT: You got it MARISHA: Wow, wow, that’s real bad LIAM: Bad rolls MARISHA: Real bad. 13 and a 15 MATT: Both hit MARISHA: Wow! Anyone can hit these guys SAM: Yeah LAURA: What’d you roll? MARISHA: Awesome! MARISHA: I rolled a three and a five and I still hit both of them LAURA: Wow ASHLEY: What was the total? MARISHA: Pop pop. 13 and 15 ASHLEY: Okay, okay MARISHA: That’s going to be eight to the guy in the back– MATT: All righty MARISHA: 10 to the guy in the front LIAM: (along with background music) ♪ Bum bum ba dip a dup ah ♪ MARISHA: Still standing? MATT: What was the second damage? It was– MARISHA: Ten. Eight and ten MATT: Yeah, those still standing, no issue They both take hits, and they’re like– (growls) It doesn’t seem to be that much of an impact on them TALIESIN: Oh, no I’ve got a bunch of– MATT: (sneezes) Pardon me MARISHA: Bless you MATT: (sneezes) LAURA: Bless you! MATT: (sneezes) (cheering) SAM: A triple sneezer? MATT: They’re usually triple sneezes MARISHA: So wait, my– TRAVIS: Got a triple sneeze MARISHA: What doesn’t seem to– okay (laughter) ASHLEY: Lucky (laughter) LAURA: Why don’t you brag about it? MARISHA: Flurry of Blows MATT: Flurry of Blows? All right MARISHA: Same thing, one each MATT: Pop pop, you got it MARISHA: Both hit with a 15 and a 17? MATT: Yep MARISHA: Oh, those are better 18 to the guy in the back MATT: Nice MARISHA: And– nope, sorry, sorry, let me rethink that 14 to the guy in the back MATT: 14 to the guy in the back MARISHA: That’s eight plus six, right? SAM: Correct MARISHA: Yes. And then– SAM: To zombie Jesus? MARISHA: To zombie Jesus, and then 12 to the guy in the front MATT: All righty Crack crack, you hit them both again They both– (grunt) bow back and they’re looking hurt but they’re still standing angrily, growling, on each side of you You do, however, get your Extract Aspects on them They are, surprisingly, immune to poison and being poisoned SAM: Makes sense MARISHA: That’s not surprising MATT: I know
MARISHA: They’re immune to the shit that they throw on us “They’re immune to poison,” I say to everybody LAURA: Tell me what to do, Sam MARISHA: All right, that’s my turn MATT: You got it, Beau. Caleb, you’re up Jester, you’re on deck LIAM: So the nega-Widogast pulls his hands apart and a giant fireball opens up in his hands and he chucks it over to here MATT: All righty LIAM: Over in this direction so that we can hopefully catch himself and these two buddies and this one here MATT: Yeah, you can get all three of those LIAM: And himself MATT: And himself! LIAM: He will disappear SAM: It’s a fireball? LIAM: Ja MATT: Go ahead and roll damage on that LIAM: Now, where’s that thing, where did it go? There it is MATT: Okay, that’s a fail LIAM: I am Werner Herzog and you are listening to Critical Role That, I got to re-roll it because it was– these dice, I can’t do it One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight Here we go 11, 13, 17, 21, 27, 33, 34 Plus the– plus the– plus the– plus the– TRAVIS: Just shift your position LIAM: Plus the, ASHLEY: (laughs) LIAM: 34 MATT: 34 points of damage? LIAM: Yeah, high rolls MATT: That’s actually really good The two, so yeah Caleb– the echo Caleb– releases it and scatters into shadow and is gone as the flaming blast lights up the space around you in the middle of this dark barely moonlit center of the swamp As the zombies take the flame and scramble for a minute, caught off guard by the blast, they all get back to their place This one here looks hurt, the other two are almost destroyed Whatever flesh that was soggy and green is now black and crispy, they’ve lost most of their facial features and they’re just like (gasping) but they’re still standing LIAM: And also, Caleb turns into a giant ape MATT: Oh, okay, that works, too SAM: Oh, okay TRAVIS: Turn into what, a giant ape? LIAM: Ja TRAVIS: Woo! TALIESIN: We’re monkeying around MATT: All right So with that, you are now a blessed monkey TRAVIS: #Blessed MATT: Yes MATT: And you get shunted out to this space since you cannot occupy the space the rest of your group is there And you’re a giant monkey, that’s your action All righty Is that your turn, are you going to stay there? LIAM: (affirmative grunt) MATT: (chuckles) You got it Jester, you’re up. Fjord, you’re on deck LAURA: Okay I am going to– SAM: This is it LAURA: I know I’m going to reach into my bag and pull out the diamond that Caleb gave me that I used to Incite Greed and I’m going to hold it high in the air and I’m going to cast Incite Greed MATT: Okay SAM: Incite Greed LAURA: Any creature that I choose within 30 feet of me, which should be all of them except for that skeleton and this guy over here, has to make a wisdom saving throw MATT: Correct Those two on the outside are exempt That guy there– Failure Two next to Fjord– 16 LAURA: Fail MATT: Fail 17 LAURA: Fail. Ah, 17 he needs, 17 MATT: This guy does succeed LAURA: Okay MATT: There’s nothing He’s fine on that The one next to Beau– Fail The two next to Yasha, fail Fa– no, he succeeds He rolled an 18 LAURA: Okay MATT: They have a penalty, though, but they’re still rolling pretty high This guy, this guy, and those two are unaffected The two that are next to you, Jester Fail and fail SAM: What? TRAVIS: What happens? LAURA: They have to use their entire turn to do nothing but move towards me If they are within five feet of me, it can’t do anything but stare greedily at the gem that I’m holding up SAM: Whoa! LAURA: They all want this gem very badly MATT: And that’s concentration? LAURA: It is MATT: All righty LAURA: And at the end of their turn, they get to make a wisdom save again MATT: You got it Okay, good to know, Jester SAM: Wow MATT: Thank you Fjord, you’re up TRAVIS: That’s, that’s amazing LAURA: If you guys hurt them, it ends the charm effect; it’s like a charm, so only attack the ones that aren’t charmed right now TRAVIS: Got it SAM: Wow TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to put my Hexblade’s Curse on this individual over here that has the very large– that, yes MATT: You got it TRAVIS: And I will take two swings with the Star Razor at that unaffected– MATT: Right there? TRAVIS: — gentleman, yes MATT: Go for it Two strikes at that one? TRAVIS: Yes MATT: All righty TRAVIS: And I’ll use the word to make it glow MATT: So the runes light up, the blade gives off this bright, radiant light that emanates from the edge and you swing TRAVIS: 27 MATT: That hits TRAVIS: Second one is– SAM: Woo, c’mon Fjordy
TRAVIS: Wow. 28 to hit MATT: Both hit. Go and roll damage on that one TRAVIS: Good, I didn’t even roll the fucking plus– whatever 10. Been a minute 11 points of damage and 19 So, 29 points of slashing damage MATT: 29 to the one that was unwounded right there TRAVIS: Yes, unaffected MATT: (slashing) Both strikes carve through Where the blade carves into its flesh, it opens up and you can see the radiant energy sears through There’s no roughness to it, it just burns straight through, like an incise laser had carved SAM: Nice MATT: It’s still standing, though really, really badly hurt and barely holding on That’s your action and your bonus TRAVIS: And my bonus was the Hexblade’s Curse MATT: You going to move or stay put? TRAVIS: Yes, I stay put MATT: All right Top of the round. Yasha, you’re up next ASHLEY: Okay MATT: You are currently surrounded, though one of them who’s behind you, went from (growling) to– and just staring over towards Jester, while the one that’s immediately in front of you is still thrashing towards you ASHLEY: Okay, since he’s distracted, I’m going to go for the one in front of me LAURA: ♪ Come to me ♪ ♪ Oh zombies, I have a very pretty gem ♪ ASHLEY: 17 MATT: 17 hits ASHLEY: Okay MARISHA: Butterflies ASHLEY: First hit, I’ll take that (counting) 21 MATT: 21 points of damage? ASHLEY: 21 points of damage MATT: Ooh, nice MARISHA: Oh look, a deer MATT: Second strike ASHLEY: Second hit (sighs) It’s going to explode on me SAM: Zombie deer MARISHA: A zombie deer TRAVIS: The deer’s like (snarling) ASHLEY: 12 MATT: Also hits ASHLEY: It does? LAURA: What?! 12 still hits? ASHLEY: Yeah! MATT: They don’t have a great armor class SAM: These guys suck ASHLEY: Okay TRAVIS: Shut up! ASHLEY: I’m going to try rolling this again since I didn’t on the last one MATT: Go for it ASHLEY: That’s same, okay, so five– 12 points of damage MATT: 12 points of damage All right, you attack twice, as it (slicing) and then (grunts) carve upward and you actually carve through the face and the head splits a bit but one of the eyes looks back to you and it’s shambling towards you, like the second T2 reference, like the T-1000 split open coming in your direction LAURA: Oh, yes MATT: You still have your bonus and your movement if you want to do anything or are you going to stay put? TRAVIS: (groaning) ASHLEY: Okay (inhales) Oh, you know what I’m going to do? MATT: Whatcha going to do? ASHLEY: Is– TRAVIS: Whatcha going to do with all this– SAM: (laughs) ASHLEY: Okay MATT: I thought you were going to say, ♪ Whatcha going to do when you get out of jail? ♪ “I’m going to have some fun.” ASHLEY: I’m going to use Zealous Presence SAM: Ooh yeah ASHLEY: It’s a bonus action, this is for everybody I’ll unleash a battle cry and up to 10 other creatures, all of you guys, you gain advantage on attack rolls and saving throws MARISHA and LAURA: Oh! MATT: For the next round, right? ASHLEY: Until the start of your next turn MATT: Right Oh, so the start of your next turn ASHLEY: ‘Til the start of my next turn LAURA: Awesome! ASHLEY: This round– MATT: You strike twice, the guy doesn’t go down and starts lumbering towards you angrily You just go (roars) and you give out this piercing fallen angel scream that echoes through the middle of this swamp You guys hear this, as the echo (echoing), you hear (thunder rumbling) LAURA: Oh shit MATT: A stormless sky, yet you hear thunder rolling and a flash in the distance as the Stormlord’s power empowers you and your friends ASHLEY: That’s so much cooler than I thought it was going to be It’s within 60 feet MATT: That’s all of them ASHLEY: That’s everybody? Okay, great MATT: Finished your go? ASHLEY: That’ll be my go MATT: All right, it’s their turn TALIESIN: That’s real good MATT: This guy’s just going to run right over to Jester and this guy’s going to stay put ASHLEY: I forgot about that MATT: This guy’s going to– I think, yeah, this guy moves in and tries to push past LAURA: Oh my god, this is terrifying MATT: That’s as far as they can get there LAURA: Like the visual TALIESIN: That one’s unaffected LAURA: No, he’s not affected but the next, yeah, that guy is SAM: Do we get attacks of opportunity? MATT: Fjord does LAURA: That guy was affected TRAVIS: But we can hold it if we want to LAURA: Yeah MATT: Yeah TRAVIS: Okay LIAM: If you hit one– MATT: Correct LIAM: It doesn’t break on all, does it? LAURA: No MATT: It just breaks on the one So you’re not giving an attack of opportunity? TRAVIS: I’m going to listen to– MATT: One, two, three, four Yeah, can get right there LAURA: What about that little guy over by the tree? MATT: Right here? LAURA: Yeah SAM: (whimpers) MATT: That’s as far as he gets there All right, so they all move forward All of a sudden– SAM: Those two are unaffected? LAURA: Yeah MATT: Those two are unaffected and that, so three of them are unaffected currently So Jester, you watch them all swarm and you hear this whole chorus of (groans) You look around you and they’re all glaring in your direction, some with both eyes, some with the one eye they have, some with no eyes but the very force that holds them together through necrotic, arcane, terrible magic that rocks into this swamp is still looking right in your direction and it’s not fun LAURA: Help MATT: The one that’s still upon you that’s pulled apart is going to go ahead and strike you twice, Yasha ASHLEY: Okay MATT: Ah, natural one and an 18
ASHLEY: That hits MATT: All right, so you do take five points of slashing damage, reduced to two because you’re raging ASHLEY: Tight MATT: Fjord, two attacks against you TRAVIS: All right MATT: And this one’s going to move in a bit to about there, fill the gap between the three of you and yep, it’s going to take two strikes against you TRAVIS: All right MATT: That’s cocked, there Okay, there we go An eight and a 21 TRAVIS: 21 hits MATT: Cocked on that one Ooh, eight points of slashing damage on that one TRAVIS: And he will take seven points of radiant damage as the sword bursts with radiant energy each time I’m struck MATT: As it hits him, he rushes past The impact of that radiant energy burns up the back and you see the neck snap from the tendons that are no longer holding it up, its head (creaking) dangles there and the mouth goes (growls) ASHLEY: Oh my– MATT: It’s hanging on by a thread ASHLEY: That’s so cool MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Then this one here is going to rush over to you, Nott SAM: (screaming) MATT: Around the corner and make two strikes against you SAM: No! MATT: Oh shit LAURA: Shit MATT: 20 and a natural 20 (groaning) SAM: Both hit ASHLEY: Dang TALIESIN: I can counter the natural 20 on that one, though, because now I have a reaction TRAVIS: New turn MATT: You do, now you do, yes TALIESIN: Yeah So no natural, no crit on you SAM: Okay TRAVIS: Gimme a snap (snapping) MATT: Technically, you would have got your reaction back because you got your turn– TRAVIS: It was in the same turn, the last time MATT: No, you’re right, you’re right TALIESIN: We cool MATT: Yeah yeah, I was making sure Anyway, it’s fine, you can do it (laughter) MATT: So it’s just two damage TALIESIN: Lemme mark that MATT: That is 11 points of slashing damage to you, Nott SAM: For both or the first? MATT: For both SAM: Oh, okay MATT: Not as much because the crit got canceled by Caduceus there That finishes their turn That brings us to Nott, you’re up Caduceus, you’re on deck SAM: Oh boy I’m stuck in front of this fellow, I don’t like it Well, I can’t do what I wanted to do, so I will say: Fjord, cover your eyes! And I will fire through the one in front of me at the one engaged with Fjord MATT: Okay What’d you roll? SAM: 15 MATT: 15, that’ll hit, go to roll damage As it shoots through, not only are you pushing past Fjord but you’re also waiting for a moment where the giant gorilla that’s slamming towards it brings the fists up and you streak past and still manage to hit the creature SAM: Like a million points LAURA: Oh my god MATT: It had one hit point You hit it LAURA: What a waste of all those amazing rolls SAM: I know MATT: And he collapses and falls into the swamp, unmoving Then his body swells ALL: Ugh! MATT: It explodes and poison all around you I need Beauregard, I need gorilla man, and I need Fjord to go ahead and make– TALIESIN: Not Beau MARISHA: I’m good MATT: Oh, not Beau because you’re fine TALIESIN: With advantage and a d4 MATT: Yep TRAVIS: Oh, with advantage? TALIESIN: With advantage and a d4 TRAVIS: Way better 25 MATT: 25, nice You take eight points of poison damage TRAVIS: Okay LIAM: 20 MATT: You take eight points of poison damage There you go SAM: Climbing is an action? Or is it a movement? MATT: You can climb a certain amount with half. Your movement is very minimized, but you can attempt it SAM: Hm Ah-hmm, ah-hmm (laughter) SAM: I will disengage with the one in front of me MATT: Okay SAM: And I will run and slide under, between Capeleb’s legs, between his legs just to– ASHLEY: Capeleb? SAM and LAURA: Capeleb MATT: Just rush through and come to the other side, you mean? SAM: Yeah MATT: Yeah, that’s doable You run and you slide and because it’s all slick marshland, it Slip ‘N Slides you through the gorilla’s legs and out the other side You catch yourself and look up SAM: Ooh, I went over a rock MATT: Yep. You almost got, looking up, foreheaded by the monkey wang (laughter) MATT: All righty, that finishes Nott’s– LAURA: Did they all make saving throws at the end of their turn to see if they broke the– MATT: We should do that now LAURA: Yeah MATT: All right, so those, him? Fail Him? Fail Him? Fail Him? Fail Him? That’s cocked Succeed SAM: Oh! MATT: He is free I’m going to mark that just so I have it That one? MARISHA: Very patriarchal society– MATT: Fail That one? MARISHA: Of zombies MATT: Fail LAURA: Wow TRAVIS: What? SAM: They really like your diamond MATT: They really like that diamond They have a shitty wisdom saving throw LIAM: What about this one? SAM: Yeah, I don’t think Matt can see that one LIAM: Do you see this one behind the tree? MATT: Oh shit, yeah, I’m blocking my own self
He would have gone– TRAVIS: I was blocking myself MATT: As well Just to mark that off there, Caduceus, you do have two attacks on you from the one that you blasted back last round that did catch up, thank you for the reminder I was blocking with my own terrain SAM: Too much terrain MATT: That is a– cocked that one– 23 and a 20 TALIESIN: Those hit MATT: All right You take 12 points of slashing damage As the one that you blasted back now scoots towards you really low to the ground and as it comes up, it rakes you twice upward with these rising claw strikes TRAVIS: For Pete’s sake ASHLEY: Aw, for Pete’s sake TALIESIN: How am I– I’m in contact with, oh my god, I’ve got a lot of them around me, don’t I? MATT: Yeah. A lot of them just rushed past you and are staring at Jester, but one of them did manage to come– TALIESIN: One of them, I’m engaged with one MATT: Correct TALIESIN: Okay MATT: All right, so that brings us to the end of Nott’s turn, Caduceus, you’re up Beau, you’re on deck TALIESIN: I’m trying to take a look at what’s going on First thing I’m going to do is I’m going to take my movement I’m actually, yeah, I’m going to take my movement, I’m going to come as far out this way as I can MATT: That’s as far as you can get to there, next to the floating stump You’re up to waist-high in water TALIESIN: Cool, cool, cool MATT: That one that just attacked you does get attack of opportunity against you And rolls a natural one, so it goes to strike towards you and just slips and then falls into the water and spends the rest of the the next round of actions just trying to get out of the muck What’re you doing? TALIESIN: Are we doing a thing? LAURA: We can do the thing, mm hm SAM: What’s the thing? TALIESIN: I’m going to hold Turn Undead and I’m going to wait for Jester’s signal MATT: Okay, you got it You’re holding Turn Undead as an action That finishes your go That brings us to Beauregard MARISHA: Do I see any of this signaling happening? MATT: Right now, you are– MARISHA: Do I have any clue, huh? MATT: They haven’t made a signal towards you, so probably not MARISHA: All right LAURA: We were standing next to each other MARISHA: The zombie Jesus and the guy who was next to me, I’m just going to keep whaling on them MATT: Go for it MARISHA: And I have an advantage on attack rolls? MATT: You do, yep MARISHA: Okay, first one 21 MATT: That hits MARISHA: Second one, ooh, 13 MATT: Both hit MARISHA: I rolled a natural one and a three MATT: Natural one misses automatically LAURA: No, but that was– MARISHA: No, with advantage MATT: Oh with advantage, Right, yeah MARISHA: Yeah So both hit Yeah, one to each MATT: Go for it MARISHA: First one, wait, did you say something about advantage on attack rolls? MATT: Yep ASHLEY: Yep MARISHA: So wait, you get to re-roll it if you don’t– MATT: No, attack rolls, not damage MARISHA: Oh, okay Not damage, not damage MATT: Correct ASHLEY: Attack rolls and saving throws MARISHA: And saving throws TALIESIN: You don’t really need– MARISHA: Okay, 11 to zombie Jesus MATT: Zombie Jesus falls– SAM: Zombie Jesus! LAURA: Oh! MATT: And the other one, how much? SAM: Can’t be killed LIAM: Don’t worry, he’ll rise again SAM: Oh okay, you’re right MARISHA: And the other one is nine LAURA: Don’t let zombie Jesus fall because he’ll knock the– TRAVIS: We got three days, we got three days LAURA: The other ones aren’t affected by the poison, so it’s fine They don’t take damage TALIESIN: They don’t take damage LAURA: Okay, good TALIESIN: Burn themselves MATT: Both of those, you punch, and as you hit them, like piñatas filled with toxic juice, they both (laughter) MATT: (explosions) Explode, scattering venomous liquid across the field around all of you MARISHA: Just for a second, it goes slow motion and Beau just like, Flashdance bathes– LAURA: In the poison MARISHA: In the goop TALIESIN: With your friends behind you screaming in pain MARISHA: Yeah. Yes MATT: That’s amazing Very metal, very metal To that, I need Jester and you, monkey man, to make a constitution saving throw with advantage, as of Yasha’s epic scream– TALIESIN: I asked her how to make a constitution saving throw because I was attacked and I have a spell up, but I– LAURA: Oh, yeah TALIESIN: Just rolled a 20, everything’s fine SAM: What should you do, throw this diamond and make them chase it away? LAURA: 19 MATT: 19? Okay Oh, shit, okay That is 20 points– LAURA: Oh wait, I would add a d4 to that? No, that’s just for– TALIESIN: Saving throws LAURA: Yeah, so I would’ve added a d4 Oh, so what’d I say, 19? 20 MATT: So 10 points of damage Go ahead and make a constitution check or a constitution saving throw to see if you maintain your spell TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw also has advantage and a d4 MATT: Yep Yes it does ASHLEY: Yep LAURA: Okay TALIESIN: Ooh. Ooh! LAURA: Ooh! 17 plus three, 20 MATT: Okay, so you maintain concentration on your spells The other blast, I’m going to need Nott– just Nott to make a constitution throw LIAM: I need to roll as well MATT: Yeah, oh, sorry LIAM: 21 MATT: 21, so that’s another 10 points of poison damage to your monkey TALIESIN: And you also have advantage with a d4 LAURA: Oh yeah, you get advantage– TALIESIN: And a d4 added SAM: Oh, that’s slightly better LAURA: Still bad SAM: Constitu– SAM: Yep TALIESIN: You’ve got your d4 SAM: Plus a d4 Not real good Right now I’m at a nine and now I’m at an 11 MATT: That’s still a fail You take 16 points of poison damage SAM: I’m going to use uncanny something? No, it’s an area affect MATT: Yes, constitution save is not a dexterity saving throw SAM: Evas–? MATT: Actually, no, it’s not It’s for half damage, right? SAM: Evasion? MATT: Lemme check, lemme check TALIESIN: Dancing between the raindrops
MATT: Kind of, yeah Double check the wording on the rogue ability here LAURA: Maybe you can duck underwater for a second SAM: Sure No no, I can’t– LAURA: You’re little SAM: I don’t like that LAURA: Well, you could MATT: Dexterity saving throws it’s constitution, so it is unaffected by evasion, unfortunately SAM: 16 points MATT: 16 points of poison damage to you All righty TALIESIN: Does your ring make it so that you can run full speed on a– SAM: I have been running full speed– TALIESIN: Okay SAM: But I don’t know if that’s because of the ring or just because I’m awesome TALIESIN: Oh, that’s fair MATT: Well, because of the ring, you don’t have to worry about the terrain SAM: I’m going to go possum TALIESIN: I’m drinking chai MATT: That is now from Caduceus’, now Beau’s turn, to Caleb Caleb, you’re up, Jester, you’re on deck LIAM: This is a whole crowd of them still staring at Jester and this one in red is the one that is active MATT: This one in red and this one and the one that’s still attacking Yasha over there, those are the three that are currently unaffected LIAM: All right. Where the monkey is looking, he can see this one who is red and turns over and sees it snarling at Jester He is a monkey, he goes forward and pounds it into the ground LAURA: Ugh, but then– MATT: He’ll have to move over here to make space for it LAURA: Maybe throw him away from me? MATT: Go for it, make the attacks SAM: (whispering) Can I see your spell? LAURA: I keep having to make concentration– LIAM: Lemme see SAM: Where is it? LIAM: What’s his intelligence? Hold on a second His intelligence is seven, that is exactly what he does Okay, so that’s 3d10. This is– TALIESIN: Who’s fucked? Okay, just checking, just checking who’s fucked LIAM: The first is a 24 MATT: 24 to hit? All right, that hits LIAM: And then– 24 MATT: Both hit LIAM: Yeah MATT: Is that the attacks or the damage? LIAM: That’s the damage MATT: Both hits? LIAM: I should probably roll to hit And it’s an advantage for him, yes? MATT: Correct TALIESIN: With a d4 LIAM: With a d4, so– MATT: The first one is? LIAM: 10, 10, 10 is 19– MATT: That hits LIAM: Plus a four, okay MARISHA: Wait That’s a 20 LIAM: That’s a 20 Yeah, one’s a, oh no, that’s not, an advantage MARISHA: Yeah, that’s a 20 LIAM: (sighs) Got distracted MARISHA: Yep. No, you’re good MATT: It’s fine. Roll the second attack to see if it hits LIAM: Okay That is only a 11 plus two is 13 MATT: Both hit, all damage is there Even without the critical hit, that was enough to kill it LIAM: Okay SAM: Yeah MATT: That one explodes once more This time as it does, it sprays an upward geyser of greenish-brackish liquid and it rains down on the immediate vicinity around where it was I need Jester and yourself to go ahead, and Yasha, to make constitution saving throws, please TALIESIN: With a d4 MATT: Oh, shit LIAM: And this gets a d4 to this as well TALIESIN: Yep MATT: Yasha ASHLEY: 12 MATT: 12, you just barely make it, that is, you take 10 points of poison damage ASHLEY: Okay LAURA: 10 MATT: 20 points of poison damage to you, Jester, and I need you to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw with advantage TALIESIN: And a d4 LAURA: Mm-hmm LIAM: 18 MATT: 18. You take 10 points of poison damage LAURA: Yep TALIESIN: Oh, that’s nice LAURA: Yeah, that’s good TALIESIN: That’s nice LAURA: I rolled 19 plus three, so 22 MATT: Yeah, so you still manage to maintain your concentration SAM: Yes MATT: Yeah, you’re fine All righty, that finish your turn, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah MATT: All right Also, I think because you took the damage, you took 10 points of damage? LIAM: Mm-hmm MATT: I’m trying to think You still have to make concentration checks for the– LIAM: Oh, for the– MATT: Polymorph form LIAM: Okay MATT: Just make a couple for me, real fast TALIESIN: With advantage and a d4 LIAM: It’s already an advantage because I’m– MATT: Correct LIAM: — War Caster SAM: War Caster LIAM: 16 MATT: You’re fine LIAM: Yeah MATT: Roll one more time? ASHLEY: Warkäste? SAM: Yeah, he’s Shakäste’s brother, Warkäste LIAM: 13 plus– 20 MATT: You’re fine Just making sure that we were keeping track as we go All right, cool. Finishes with Caleb’s go Jester, you’re up, Fjord, you’re on deck LAURA: Okay, I’m going to, I’m going to Dimension Door SAM: (gasps) Oh MATT: Okay SAM: This is new LAURA: I’m going to Dimension Door right here, next to Caduceus SAM: Okay MATT: Boof, right next to him LAURA: And I’m going to say: This is a signal! TALIESIN: Got it (laughter) MATT: All right, and you release Turn Undead TALIESIN: Turn Undead MATT: All righty TALIESIN: Which– yeah MATT: Just checking– TALIESIN: Depending on what level they are at– MATT: That’s what I’m saying, depending on the level here All right TALIESIN: Second or lower, I believe Yep, second or lower MATT: Okay Here we go That’s everybody in that radius TALIESIN: Yep, 30 feet MATT: Oh, (laughs) 17 TALIESIN: That one? Oh, uh MATT: The DC in this is 17? LAURA: Is 17? TALIESIN: I believe it’s 17 MATT: Wow, he succeeds LAURA: Wow TALIESIN: I think, it’s my spell, it’s my spell DC, right? MATT: Correct TALIESIN: Yeah, 17 MATT: Pop SAM: Ooh! LAURA: Yes
MATT: Turns to– SAM: Pop pop MATT: The poison splashes, then it turns to dust That one over there, same LAURA: Pop MATT: As Caduceus focuses and releases this energy outward, as opposed to a shockwave blast, the energy just all the sudden drifts up off the ground like firelight sparkles lift, and then bursts like a thousand tiny fireworks across the way and as they come (popping) around the undead, it goes around you guys and it’s just like this warm wave that passes by As it explodes near them, you watch it explode, their body scatters outward and then turns to ash But the poison still splatters SAM: Ugh MATT: That one there? LAURA: That’s okay, they’re all clumped together, they’re away from– MATT: Fail! Psh That one Psh ASHLEY: Yes TALIESIN: Turn down for what? SAM: Boop ba doop a doo MARISHA: Beau three-point lands in the rain pool and like– TALIESIN: This is how it’s done MARISHA: Music video moment TRAVIS: Tim Robbins in Shawshank MARISHA: Yes, yeah LAURA: Oh, I was thinking like Tom Holland dancing to Rihanna MARISHA: Tom Holland TALIESIN: Okay, sorry, you guys get– MARISHA: On Fallon, yeah MATT: Yasha and Caleb, I need you to make another constitution saving throw with advantage TALIESIN: Add a d4 ASHLEY: Or like Step Up, Step Up 2, or Step Up 3D where they did the dance in the rain MARISHA: Uh-huh LAURA: Step Up, Step Up 2– MARISHA: Basically, any dance sequence with a rain pool TALIESIN: With advantage and a d4 ASHLEY: Oh, same, okay, so TALIESIN: Jesus, you’re fine ASHLEY: Oh yeah, okay TALIESIN: Oh lord, oh lord Just say the number out loud ASHLEY: (humming) 29 MATT: Eight points of poison damage ASHLEY: Okay LIAM: 15 MATT: 15. Eight points of poison damage All righty So one, one shmeasel skeleton left? MATT: One skeleton left, or the, the lasting husk zombie MATT: My Syrinscape crashed. That’s okay That’s okay, it’s easy enough to get back into battle stuff, you know how it goes All righty, that finishes TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Doo da doo ba doo MATT: Oh no, yeah, that was your action SAM: There’s only one left? MATT: There is one left at the moment LAURA: Can I– TALIESIN: Turn Undead, man LAURA: For my bonus action– MATT: Mm? LAURA: For my bonus action– LIAM: That’s the cleric thing LAURA: Oh wait, no Nevermind TALIESIN: Because you did the spell LAURA: I did the spell, so– TALIESIN: That was a good call, though LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah MATT: All right, that finishes your go Fjord TRAVIS: I’ll rush over and take the last remaining undead piece of shit, two swings MATT: Go up for it TRAVIS: That’s crap, 15 MATT: 15 hits TRAVIS: All right. Second one is a 21 MATT: Hits ASHLEY: Yes TRAVIS: All right, all right TRAVIS: It was high. 19 21 points of slashing damage in the first one MATT: Nice TRAVIS: And 11 plus, 13 points of slashing damage on the second one MATT: You’re adding the d4 to those? TRAVIS: Yes MATT: For the attack or the damage? TRAVIS: For the damage MATT: They should be in it for the attack, not the damage TRAVIS: Right, my fault So 11 points on the second one and only 18 points on the first one MATT: You got it As you rush up, (footsteps, slicing) strike once in the midsection (groans) and that holds him in place, like the impact caused its back to seize, the second strike, carves back through its leg and its leg folds and splinters, the bone breaking in two pieces (squelching) The head (stretching) bends backwards in an unhealthy way and the tongue (growls) lolls open Still standing and it’s real angry TRAVIS: I should have rolled those with advantage MARISHA: He’s still standing? LAURA: You didn’t what? TRAVIS: I didn’t roll them with advantage LAURA: You should roll to see if you get a natural 20 on either of those LIAM: It’s true TALIESIN: Yeah, just do two more rolls LAURA: Two rolls to see if they’re 20 TRAVIS: Nope MATT: Okay, good to know All right, Yasha, you’re up ASHLEY: Okay, well, I don’t think I can get over there Can I get over there? MATT: You can certainly try ASHLEY: I can try MARISHA: You can make it MATT: 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40 Yeah, you can ASHLEY: Okay, okay All right, so I take a swing Big ol’ swing, that’s cocked, that’s cocked again Ooh Good thing I have advantage Oh wait MATT: You do not have advantage anymore, unless you want– ASHLEY: That was a natural one MATT: Oh Yeah, you did not call it– ASHLEY: Unless I what? MATT: You didn’t call Reckless Attacks before– ASHLEY: Oh yeah, no, no-no-no MATT: The first one misses You go forward and as you go to swing, your foot catches one of the swamp roots and you almost fly into it You get your blade up in time before you stumble into its flayed body and it manages to block you with its weight As you catch yourself again, its head, just partially pulled back, is like (chomping) biting over the edge of the blade as you retract and get yourself in the right position Second attack ASHLEY: Okay TALIESIN: You have a d4 on that, too ASHLEY: I do? Okay, let’s see ASHLEY: I mean, if I don’t mess up the rolls Okay 19 MATT: 19 damage or 19 to hit? ASHLEY: 19 to hit MATT: 19 does hit, go ahead and roll damage ASHLEY: Eight, nine, 16
MATT: 16 points of damage ASHLEY: 16 points of damage MATT: You stab it with the second strike and actually bisect it Its torso falls to the ground and the legs crumple into place and you’re waiting for it to explode TRAVIS: Wait for it MATT: Instead, the legs get back up and the torso climbs up onto its legs SAM: What, it’s still alive? MATT: It was the one that made its Undead Fortitude save for this entire fucking fight MARISHA: Fucking die MATT: It remains at one hit point TRAVIS: Don’t take it personally ASHLEY: (groaning) MATT: All right ASHLEY: Okay MATT: That finishes your turn, I believe ASHLEY: Can I try, yeah I can’t do anything else TRAVIS: I healed 14 points because the Hexblade’s Curse target died MATT: Ooh, it did Call that You hear additional moans come rushing– LAURA: No! MARISHA: You are lying LAURA: We just, what do we do? How do we get out of here? MATT: From where you guys were over in the space, these guys rush in here– LAURA: They’re just going to keep coming SAM: Should we run? MATT: These two– LAURA: I feel like that’s the only– LIAM: I’d have to start over MATT: This time, as all of them have been falling and fighting, these all rush forward and as they’re getting towards you, and they’re rushing quickly, as they’re getting near your bodies, you watch their bodies swell (sucking) psh, pop pop pop They’re not even going into combat, they’re just– LAURA: Exploding? MATT: Detonating around you TALIESIN: If they were within 30 feet when I would’ve, when it hit that, would that have been a– MATT: They were out of the range and just rushed in because you guys moved, you guys moved to the outside that realm So I need Caduceus– TALIESIN: Mm-hmm MATT: — and Jester to go make– this is going to be here Caduceus, you make two saving throws for me TALIESIN: Okay They don’t have advantage anymore MATT: No ASHLEY: No more advantage TALIESIN: Okay, that’s all right, I got a d4 Constitution saving throw? 25 MATT: Okay, eight points of poison damage That’s, and Jester, if you don’t mind LAURA: 12 MATT: Eight points of poison damage Second one against you, Caduceus Go ahead and roll again LAURA: It’s going to add up real fast ASHLEY: Are we just going to keep going? LAURA: Yeah TALIESIN: (sighs) 20 MATT: 20? Eight points of poison damage Jester LAURA: Mm, that’s better I definitely saved MATT: Okay, that would be 10 points of poison damage And Caduceus? TALIESIN: Oh, I was MATT: Oh no, you’re on against the third one TALIESIN: I was doing a– MATT: Sorry Jester, make another roll TALIESIN: I was rolling to maintain concentration LAURA: Another one? MATT: You made two, right? LAURA: Yeah MATT: Sorry, then you’re fine LAURA: Oh, I’m okay? MATT: Those are all the ones you guys have to worry about TALIESIN: Then I rolled to maintain concentration and rolled a 25 MATT: Okay Good, good on you Nott SAM: Yeah MATT: Twice for me, if you don’t mind SAM: Sure LAURA: Oh shit! SAM: Do we have the advantage? LAURA and MATT: No SAM: Then, one was a– LAURA: You should just roll again because they hit each other, it was a thing TALIESIN: And then, plus a d4 LAURA: One was a 20, it shouldn’t SAM: Well, now those are terrible Thanks, Laura LAURA: Oh sorry, well SAM: Doesn’t matter It’s single digits MATT: 14 points of poison damage LAURA: Sorry SAM: Cool Can I evade one of them? MATT: Nope, it is not a dexterity-based Oh, doing your Uncanny Dodge, you mean? SAM: Sure MATT: Evasion’s only against dexterity saving throws, unfortunately, and Evade, I think, has to be in– SAM: It’s fine LIAM: They’re both duds MATT: Well, Evade is against an attack This technically doesn’t count as an attack, so it’s not an– SAM: I’ll just take it, it’s fine MATT: Uncanny Dodge, it hits you with an attack, so it is not a hit or attack, so you take, for the second one, I totally forgot, actually Oof, 19 points of poison damage SAM: Ouchies MATT: (explosions) MATT: The one that’s currently between Yasha and Fjord is going to strike twice, once at each of you ASHLEY: Okay MATT: Against you, Fjord TRAVIS: Mm-hmm MATT: That’s going to be a 14 TRAVIS: It’ll miss MATT: Yasha, that is a 16 ASHLEY: No MATT: It strikes out and both you guys just managed to push it away It’s barely holding on, its body, its upper torso runs or its upper torso just climbs up its legs, leaps, and scrambles towards Yasha The legs just stand there on its own, using its own body as a catapult You push it off onto Fjord and Fjord, you catch it and like, “Ah!” You throw it back on the ground That’s their turn TRAVIS: Have some dignity in death MATT: Nott, you’re up SAM: I mean, are they going to keep coming? Should we run? MATT: Do you want to take your action to look around? SAM: No, I’ll shoot the one between Yasha and Fjord MATT: Go for it SAM: Just take it off the, 24 MATT: That hits SAM: A million points of damage MATT: It, yeah We’ll see if it makes its, it does not make its Undead Fortitude save I need Yasha and Fjord to make another constitution saving throw Without advantage TRAVIS: With advantage? MATT: Without advantage TRAVIS: Without advantage TALIESIN: Let’s stop killing– TRAVIS: Hoo, 21 LAURA: We need to run away TALIESIN: We also have to stop– ASHLEY: 20 total TALIESIN: If they’re next to people MATT: Seven points of poison damage to each of you ASHLEY: Okay MATT: Okay What’re you guys doing? TRAVIS: Fucking moving– LAURA: We, how, where do we go?
Keep moving through it or try to get back to the– TALIESIN: I’m going to do a Detect Undead really quickly again MATT: Okay TALIESIN: 60 feet MATT: 60 feet In that radius, you sense no other undead in your immediate vicinity TALIESIN: So there’s nothing in 60 feet MATT: Nothing yet MARISHA: Do this now? LIAM: (grunting) MARISHA: Do you want to build– TALIESIN: That will last for a little while, so LAURA: Oh, that will last for awhile? TALIESIN: There’s nothing around us right now MATT: It lasts for how long? TALIESIN: Let me tell you ASHLEY: How many points of damage did we just take? TRAVIS: Seven ASHLEY: Seven, okay LAURA: Turn Undead lasts for a minute TALIESIN: This is, oh awesome, Turn Undead is also still up MATT: Is Turn Undead concentration, though? TALIESIN: Uh, no LAURA: No TALIESIN: Hold on, I’m looking Eyes of the Grave is until the end of my next turn MATT: Okay, so it stays up for the next round TALIESIN: Then second, if anything comes within the next round, I get an instant warning Turn Undead is– LAURA: It doesn’t say anything about concentration on here- MATT: No, I don’t think Turn Undead is– TALIESIN: Concentration MATT: No, it is turned for one minute, it doesn’t last for a minute, meaning if they’re turned, they are. That’s what I thought It’s an instant move and it can, the fear that you put in them can last a minute LAURA: Okay SAM: Does that mean you can’t detect things right now? TALIESIN: There is nothing– MATT: Immediately around you TALIESIN: Immediately around us MATT: What are you guys doing? You’re all covered in gunk, your body is– LAURA: We should heal MATT: — burning from the poison that’s now seeped into the outside of your exposed flesh and begun to found its way into your armor TALIESIN: Be better to save mass heals for when someone goes down so it gets them up and heals everybody, I think LAURA: What? TRAVIS: It’s quiet, we’re here Should we just try and put the hut back up? If something comes, we run SAM: Capeleb is– MARISHA: 11 minutes and then the other half of us stand watch Apeleb, Capeleb? LAURA: They’re not going to stay away for 11 minutes, but– TALIESIN: I am keeping a very sharp eye out for anything SAM: We should just keep going TRAVIS: All right Let’s keep going MATT: Up to you guys You guys are still going? LAURA: Try to get out of the mist Did the mist cover the whole forest? MATT: Yes LAURA: We don’t know MATT: Since you began to enter the forest, the mist was slowly hanging around the hut anyway, the house, it’s just been getting thicker as the night progresses and the temperature drops LAURA: We got to hut it There’s no escaping it SAM: Well, we just keep walking through the night, no? TALIESIN: With exhaustion already? I think we’re just going to make more noise TRAVIS: We should chance it for the 10 minutes for the hut TALIESIN: Let’s do 10 minutes SAM: Okay I’ll jump up and down and start signaling to Caleb LAURA: And I’m going to keep Turn Undead prepped for, if anything comes near us, I’m going to immediately cast Turn Undead MATT: Okay TALIESIN: If I see a feather move in the forest, I’m going to immediately do Detect SAM: Magic MATT: Okay, you got it You guys– MARISHA: You, smart person LIAM: Gorilla goes (shrinking) You know, I can understand everything that you’re saying MARISHA: Oh, we didn’t have to talk to you like idiots? LIAM: No MARISHA: Oh MATT: Okay, so– MARISHA: You should have told us that TALIESIN: Shh MATT: You go back to that little patch of land you had situated in the middle of this battle and you begin the 10 minute process of preparing this ritual a second time Who, I would say all of you guys, everyone make a stealth check LAURA: Oh, it’s that fucking trunk probably attracted– MATT: The trunk sound is what you think attracted them They weren’t drawn to you until they heard the loud crack and the splash in the water LAURA: Oh, I’m getting myself a d4 as well MARISHA: 21 TRAVIS: Eight LIAM: 15 SAM: 29 LAURA: 19 TALIESIN: 18 ASHLEY: Nine SAM: Wait, these are– TRAVIS: Stealth SAM: At disadvantage TALIESIN: At disadvantage for– MATT: Yes LAURA: Oh, against anyone that’s exhausted MATT: For anybody who has exhaustion TRAVIS: Eight still SAM: And mine is a natural one MATT: Oh, your first one was a natural one? SAM: Yeah MATT: Okay Did you have a point of exhaustion from last game? ASHLEY: I don’t think I do LAURA: No, you weren’t exhausted MATT: Okay SAM: But I do have Reliable Talent? ASHLEY: It does say condition is exhaustion MATT: Oh, you do So yeah, so you roll again So yeah, that would be a 10 plus whatever bonus you have SAM: 23 MATT: 23 ASHLEY: It’s still nine TALIESIN: Yeah MARISHA: Yeah, um What’re these, stealth? MATT: So what is it? ASHLEY: Nine still MATT: Nine still? MARISHA: 17 MATT: 17, okay You guys begin guarding the space and keeping a look out, you two in particular being ready and watchful About five or so minutes into this casting, you begin to see a few more shapes emerging from the mist, seemingly still drawn from the nearby sound of battle They look a little confused, meaning that they’re not coming directly, bee-lining at you, but the sounds of combat that recently happened here, they’ve been moving in that direction and you guys haven’t moved away from your position, so they’re just now catching up to you They’re about, I’d say at this point, you can clock them at about 50 feet from you TRAVIS: I will cast Major Image and put a giant, thrashing young blue dragon 120 feet in that direction MATT: Okay As you guys see this and you’re beginning to prep yourself, all of a sudden you hear this (roars), the cracking and breaking of trees
You glance over and you see a fucking young blue dragon just land in the middle of this swamp and begin growling, its mouth crackling with electrical energy And you watch as these undead, immediately their heads turn (growls) and begin running in that direction LAURA: He’s back, he’s back TRAVIS: No– LAURA: He’s back to– TRAVIS: It’s me, it’s me, I did, I did it, I did, (rolls tongue) that’s me MATT: How long can that last? (laughter) ASHLEY: That’s amazing! TRAVIS: 10 minutes MATT: 10 minutes TRAVIS: Ah MATT: Okay You, then, sit there and wait and watch as the loud noise that that Major Image is creating, two more, six more, a dozen more, you eventually, probably, in the period of time it takes for you to finish this ritual, watch somewhere between 40 to 50 more of these undead come out of the mists from different places, the shadows just rushing through, once again at a sprinting speed for a zombie-like creature in the direction of this dragon, as thrashing around as they’re just walking in and out of its space, not intelligent enough to really discern that it’s an illusion and just confused and frustrated that it’s not having any effect Some of them are popping and exploding in the hopes of taking this down, this thing that doesn’t exist But it’s a large, large group of them now Probably about 30 or so are just there, nestled around this dragon illusion As you finish creating the dome. (poofing) LIAM: It is a green and brown mottled color and it is less moist inside than out, except for the ground MATT: Okay You guys all step inside? LAURA: Yeah TRAVIS: I will drop it and step inside LAURA: Drop it?! MATT: Okay LAURA: They’re all going to just come out and, like– MARISHA: Yeah, they’re just going to pound this TALIESIN: Well, here’s the thing We’re going to give it some time LAURA: Well, they’re not going to see us, they can’t hear us TALIESIN: If they come back, we can just Turn Undead and just keep Turning Undead until they all go away LAURA: Okay TALIESIN: I can still do that, you can still do that We’ll be fine I don’t think the group will get through the thing LAURA: And they can hear through the– LIAM: Yeah LAURA: Dome? Okay TRAVIS: Yeah, so we should just be quiet as possible for awhile LIAM: Caleb is picking little insects out of the damaged tree that was pulled up and is just feeding them to Frumpkin MATT: There’s plenty LAURA: Oh, I take after and I start doing that for Sprinkle, too MATT: Okay You stop yourself a couple times before feeding it to Sprinkle because the toxic poison that was thrown all around this area where you guys are planning to sleep– TRAVIS: No no, she gives it to Sprinkle (laughter) LIAM: Go to sleep, go to sleep (laughter) MATT: Shh, shh (laughter) TRAVIS: (as Sprinkle) I welcome it TALIESIN: Just to help everybody heal overnight, I’m going to take a few minutes to do a Prayer of Healing MATT: Okay LAURA: We all are very, very, very quiet until, you know, hopefully the zombies start to, like (popping) MATT: Yep As you all get quiet and rest and begin setting up your space here and you’re doing what? TALIESIN: A Prayer of Healing for 25 hit points to everybody MATT: How long does it take to cast? TALIESIN: 10 minutes MATT: 10 minutes? Okay ASHLEY: 25 points, okay MATT: So the illusion drops before you finish casting your prayer TALIESIN: Mm-hmm MARISHA: (sneezing) LIAM: Gesundheit MATT: As you’re quietly muttering the incantation, I would like you to make a– MARISHA: (sneezing) MATT: Bless you Just a general stealth check for me TALIESIN: All right (chuckling) LAURA: I don’t think I can do that Can I guide him in this moment? LAURA: I feel like– MATT: You can Blessing of the Trickster with him, if you want to TALIESIN: What does that give me? LAURA: Advantage TALIESIN: Oh, so it’s just a straight roll, I don’t have disadvantage That’s cool, that helps 16 MATT: 16, okay You manage to speak the incantation loud enough that it manages to maintain the spell, but not enough to draw the attention In that little bit of crossover time, you watch the dragon that’s just thrashing and growling and making noise in the middle of the swamp here suddenly (pops) vanish And right as you’re getting towards the end of your spell, you begin to see some of the shapes wandering from where that cluster of zombies were Right as you finish the healing effect, it flashes, and it heals you all for how much? TALIESIN: Everybody for 25 hit points MATT: 25 hit points to all of you TRAVIS: Thank you, sir I say quietly MATT: (laughs) But the light does not emerge because the dome manages to remain obfuscating the interior But you all watch quietly and tensely as, over the next hour or so, they just begin to scatter out a bit And others that you didn’t notice walk through the mist behind you Night here is a very dangerous thing TRAVIS: Wow MATT: At least in this particular part of the swamp SAM: What did this place used to be? Why are there so many dead people here? LAURA: We’re whispering all of this Nothing above a teeny, tiny whisper MATT: Both of you guys can make history checks if you want to MARISHA: Would I know?
MATT: You might, make a history check TRAVIS: Yeah MARISHA: Okay MATT: The two Empire kids might MARISHA: Would I know being close, nearby, raised here? MATT: That’s what this roll’s for MARISHA: Oh wait, I don’t have advantage SAM: Nope MATT: I’ll say because you lived here, close to here, sure Roll advantage MARISHA: They were both, but I’m also exhausted, so I’ll take the lower of the two, which is 15 MATT: 15, okay LIAM: 18 MARISHA: Wait, 15 is what I rolled With a history check, it’s– LIAM: 7,000 MARISHA: 23 MATT: 23, okay LAURA: Ooh MATT: During the time of the Julous Dominion– LAURA: Beau knows MATT: During the time of the Julous Dominion, before the Dwendalian Empire and the Julous Dominion had their fight, there were certain sects of people that lived in what is now the Truscan Vale and around these mountains that had built an entire colony based around this, what they proclaimed to be a god-like creature that existed in this mountain They referred to it as the Twilight Phoenix and they would burn effigies to it They have this longstanding belief that this mountain was its home or its what it became when it eventually laid to rest And that’s why they explain all the geothermal activity around here they say is just a remnant of it TRAVIS: We did see a purple firebird down in that temple of Uk’otoa SAM: (whispering) Uk’otoa MATT: But the people that worshiped this– The people that worshiped this entity around this area also made a lot of enemies and the Julous Dominion, though they were within its terrain, at some point, they were hunted down and killed in their homeland, pretty much just wiped out around the base of Mount Mentiri LAURA: I have a question TRAVIS: Yes LAURA: When you were seeing that vision of Uk’otoa ALL: (whispering) Uk’otoa LAURA: And he showed you something in the mountains or something, like, a location, are we near that? TRAVIS: No LAURA: Would you know? TRAVIS: Yes LAURA: Okay TRAVIS: No, it’s more, it’s closer to the Menagerie Coast and east and inland just a little bit, before you get to the gate that leads to the Empire, if I remember correctly MATT: You are correct LAURA: Okay TRAVIS: I remembered correctly? MATT: You did, Mr. Stone! TALIESIN: What? Right LIAM: Ice cold TALIESIN: What? Uh MATT: You– MARISHA: What TALIESIN: Right MATT: Uh LIAM: Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch MATT: It’s always a good D&D game when Peaches comes up MARISHA: — callin’ me. All the time TALIESIN: Ignore all that MATT: So– LIAM: Fuck your mountain and your phoenix MATT: Yeah, I know. Lore? TALIESIN: Lore MATT: Peaches (laughter) MATT: I’m not complaining TRAVIS: It’s true, right? We saw tapestries in that temple One was a purple– LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah MARISHA: Does that sound about right? SAM: A steel trap your memory is! MARISHA: Is there a roll to see if that sounds relatable? Can I roll for relatability? MATT: No, your history check was, you don’t have anything that directly connects to those two, but there was a mention of phoenix and this was a historical phoenix in this region If it even existed Like I said, there were a lot of entities that were worshiped that were just landmarks, that were just, you know, giving a persona and a divine essence to what is essentially a landmass or a natural phenomenon This is not an uncommon thing But it could be, who knows? MARISHA: Especially, then, if the worshipers were hunted down and eradicated TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, if you really want to get crazy, Uk’otoa had three temples, then I’m sure the other two entities might also have– MARISHA: Three temples TRAVIS: Right Don’t know if there were, you know, forgotten to time temples around here, do you? MARISHA: Well, I know that this was also a big battleground of the pre-Calamity– SAM: She’s whispering, that’s how she whispers MARISHA: I’m whispering, yeah, very, yeah Do I know of any weird temples around, like ruined temples around these parts that would fit that description? MATT: No, based on the history check you rolled, not really, none that you know of MARISHA: Hmm But I know that Pride’s Call is not far from here and that’s where they found the other beacon, it’s just north of here TRAVIS: Right MATT: Yeah, on the other side of this mountain range TRAVIS: Not that this isn’t the most comfortable place we’ve ever been in, but now that we’re in here, Jester, do you mind telling us– SAM: Oh, yes TRAVIS: What actually happened? SAM: What the fuck happened in there? LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay As I’m talking, I’m just going to be watching from the direction we came and see if anything’s coming out of the mist towards us or anything MATT: You got it LAURA: Well, okay, so, do you remember when I told you guys that
I could maybe do some, like, spells that would maybe affect people’s memories and stuff? TALIESIN: No SAM: Don’t remember that, but– TALIESIN: Wow, you’re real good LAURA: I, well, (laughs) no (laughter) LAURA: I told you, I don’t know, was I around everyone? We were talking about it with Essek, right? LIAM: Yeah TALIESIN: Huh LAURA: Anyway, yes, so I– I sort of altered her memory, just a little, to where she was like, “Oh my gosh, Jester!” I made her think that she, like, really liked me and that we had a really amazing time hanging out, like, we braided each other’s hair and, you know, she just took an immediate liking to me, maybe she saw a little bit of herself in me, I don’t know, you know And so, and then she was like, “Oh my gosh, I just like you so much “What can I do to make you happy?” And I was like, “Oh change, you know, “help Nott out and change that.” And she did SAM: And it just worked? LAURA: Well– SAM: Did she realize what you had done? LAURA: No, but she did seem a little confused at the end And you know what? I don’t know if that’s normal because I’ve never done this before, but just in case, possibly, that it’s not normal, I just thought maybe it would be smart to leave TRAVIS: Sure LAURA: But, you know– SAM: That’s incredible– LAURA: If it did work and if does stick, then, you know, I have a really cool, powerful good friend who likes cupcakes a lot I’m going to send her some, for sure SAM: Seems only fair TRAVIS: That’s very resourceful, Jester TALIESIN: Wow SAM: Amazing LAURA: Yeah TALIESIN: Wow TRAVIS: Were you nervous at all? LAURA: Oh, well, of course She’s really scary looking, right? LIAM: You seem a little nervous now LAURA: Well yeah, because what if she comes after us? SAM: I mean, all of us were nervous speaking with her At least, I was, I don’t know about you, that witch TRAVIS: If it didn’t work, what were you going to do then? LAURA: Ooh, like, run? Maybe like– TALIESIN: No LAURA: Dimension Door out of there, if I could, or like– (uncertain sound) TRAVIS: We would’ve thrown down LAURA: It would’ve been a throw down probably or maybe, no, she probably would have been real pissed if she’d have figured it out It would’ve turned into a fight Who knows, she might’ve killed me LIAM: Anyway, thank you for getting the job done LAURA: Yeah SAM: Yes, I mean, I don’t really feel any different, but I guess I am, now LAURA: I believe that she broke it It really was, like, super creepy magic stuff that she did, so I think she broke it SAM: But that’s just, I mean, I have so many questions So if that’s true, then I could just change back whenever, I guess LAURA: I think so LIAM: Yeah, we would go again SAM: That’s great But what about Beauregard? What about you? MARISHA: What about me? SAM: Well, I mean, didn’t she affect your family somehow? LAURA: I mean, here’s the thing: if she realizes that, you know, I did something, then it’s possible SAM: But I mean, even if she doesn’t realize, it still could affect Beauregard, right? Because you have this, your father did something with her? MARISHA: Don’t worry about me or mine SAM: Don’t worry about you? But– TALIESIN: I think it’s possible that if we killed her, the next day all of your father’s grapes would’ve died MARISHA: (snorting) TALIESIN: Honestly TRAVIS: You know, it’s true Or worse TALIESIN: That’s probably what would have happened SAM: But you’re not worried about your family or your safety or anything? TALIESIN: About what? SAM: She said that there’s a price to be paid, right? A price to be paid for what your father got TRAVIS: Right What’re you driving at? TALIESIN: I don’t understand what you’re– SAM: Aren’t you worried about anything befalling– MARISHA: Yeah Yeah It doesn’t matter, don’t worry about it LAURA: Should we have killed her? MARISHA: No, not at all TALIESIN: I don’t think it’s a price on the family, I think it’s a price on him LAURA: It’s a price on everyone SAM: Maybe? TALIESIN: Well, I mean, if you’re going to “maybe” things, you can maybe anything Maybe there is no price Maybe it’s a price on everyone who works there, maybe it’s no price at all, maybe it’s just 10 bottles of wine Maybes are not useful TRAVIS: That deal was made so long ago, I would be afraid it would unroot quite a bit
TALIESIN: Maybe you’re the price, maybe– MARISHA: I thought I was LAURA: I’m glad you’re not Because you’re still here TALIESIN: Maybe it was his fear and not being able to– LAURA: Oh Ooh, that’s deep TALIESIN: Thank you SAM: Wait, what was it? His fear was the price? LAURA: Yeah Like what if he made his entire life so miserable because he was seeking this rich goal that he ended up making himself miserable and Beau miserable and all these people around him miserable and that’s what she was feeding off of, that’s the price that he paid? He didn’t get to live a happy life with his wife; he lived a very sad– sad life TALIESIN: And drove his daughter away MARISHA: And now he has a son LAURA: He’ll do the same thing MARISHA: Maybe Or maybe the price has been paid LIAM: What’s done is done; you can’t turn back time TRAVIS: True, and it doesn’t seem like it’s something that gets fulfilled, it just seems to keep going MARISHA: Is it? LAURA: I don’t know TALIESIN: I like having you here TRAVIS: She said, “The more, the better.” MARISHA: Yeah LAURA: What do you feel like? Do you feel like your life is being siphoned away? Do you feel happier right now? SAM: Happier? LAURA: Yeah Do you feel like somebody’s sucking your life force? TALIESIN: I feel like there’s a– SAM: I don’t feel that someone’s sucking my life force MARISHA: I think it was a different deal TALIESIN: There’s a maximum level of happiness possible when you’re ankle-deep in swamp I think this is lowering the baseline at the moment LAURA: Hey, hey, hey– SAM: Honestly, I feel guilty right now LAURA: Guilty, why? SAM: Because– LIAM: Why? SAM: Because we all went in there, well I don’t know, I mean, you said that you had offered to go away from us and live a life of solitude in order to take this curse off of me I mean, that was very brave of you and– LAURA: And very not okay SAM: I mean, it was amazing TRAVIS: No, I don’t think it was TALIESIN: I disagree with that entirely SAM: What are you talking about? It was a sacrifice for her friend LAURA: It would have been a sacrifice for her and for everyone else Beau, you wouldn’t just have just been– SAM: For her mostly, though LAURA: –making yourself miserable. We would’ve been– TRAVIS: We would’ve been miserable LAURA: We would’ve been so sad SAM: But she would’ve been even more so ASHLEY: I mean, we still would’ve lost a friend in the end, so TRAVIS: I think the hag pushed us to a lot of ultimate decisions Beau was ready to move away from everything, you were ready to entertain war between nations SAM: I know, that’s what I’m saying! That– the thing that I– I was a coward LAURA: Whisper SAM: (quieter) I was a coward MATT: (groaning) SAM: Sorry, sorry MATT: You all get quiet for a minute and you watch as two of these zombies come lumbering through the swamp, wading MARISHA: I open the door to the hut and I just throw one of my ball bearings LAURA: There’s no door LIAM: No, there is no door MARISHA: Oh, I just reach through and I go and toss a ball bearing TRAVIS: It’s the South, there’s a screen door MARISHA: Yeah, whatever MATT: They’re both (groaning) and one of them finds the hut and is scraping against the exterior (splashing) They both– (gasp) and (splashing footsteps) MARISHA: Can’t deal with any distractions right now LAURA: Hey Caleb, can anybody scry on us in the hut? LIAM: Well, we are packed pretty tightly and no one can scry on me, so probably not at the moment LAURA: Okay Just making sure MARISHA: What? LIAM: Don’t go MARISHA: Well, I mean, this isn’t going to last forever, right? So if– TALIESIN: That doesn’t mean you pull the pin on it LIAM: Follow your own advice Don’t go TALIESIN: I know you think you’re done, I understand You’re not done yet MARISHA: How do you know? TALIESIN: I know things MARISHA: Okay That’s not an answer, you know that TRAVIS: All right, I’ll answer it: you’re young, you’re full of life, you hook up with anything that moves You haven’t even begun to live your life I’m this much older than you and you’re ready to quit and move on from everything that’s good in your world? TALIESIN: There’s a greatness in you that you’ve maybe known three months This is just the beginning TRAVIS: To think that you’ve peaked is insane MARISHA: Well, what are you going to do? What are your goals? TRAVIS: To stay with my friends, to see what happens, to watch over you You’ve watched over me as I’ve explored my past The least I can do is return the favor I’m invested now, I want to see peace between these nations, I want to see what this green-cloaked figure is
that Jester keeps talking to– LAURA: His name is the Traveler TRAVIS: I want to see Nott get back what she wants– LAURA: His name is the Traveler TRAVIS: Yes, the Traveler LAURA: His name’s the Traveler and he’s really awesome TRAVIS: All right, it’s fine TALIESIN: We owe it to each other TRAVIS: Yeah Nott doesn’t seem to care about me, but I care about her, it’s okay SAM: I care about you, Fjord TRAVIS: Tell me again (laughter) SAM: I care about you, Fjord. I care about all of you You all would’ve sacrificed so much for me You did, you risked your life in there She could’ve seen through your little spell and taken off your cute little head LAURA: Well, she would’ve taken off my cute little hands faster SAM: That’s bad, too MARISHA: We would have come running in at the first yelp LAURA: If you could TALIESIN: We’re not done until we’ve saved each other LAURA: I don’t know what’s going on in that hut, you guys TRAVIS: And why would we have come running in at the first yelp? Your delts are crazy MARISHA: Thank you TRAVIS: Why would we have come running in? MARISHA: Because we care about each other TRAVIS: Oh, fucking shit, we do? Amazing, does that apply to you as well? MARISHA: (mumbling) I don’t know TRAVIS: Oh, I think it does (laughter) TRAVIS: Don’t do that again Don’t you care what happens to Nott? LIAM: Don’t do that again MARISHA: I guess TRAVIS: Jester? MARISHA: I guess TRAVIS: Yasha MARISHA: Okay TRAVIS: This one MARISHA: Yeah TRAVIS: Most of all MARISHA: Bleh TALIESIN: I love you guys TRAVIS: We did really good That was crazy, you should’ve seen her up there on the roof Bitch had four elbows It’s not normal I saw it, like, literally, I have to do a poop check I want to do it here but we’re all trapped in this bubble LAURA: Nott still has poop on her leg from– SAM: What was that from, again? (laughter) LAURA: From seeing the hag SAM: Oh TRAVIS: Yep. I don’t want to look I don’t want to break the seal and we’ll all be fucked (laughter) LIAM: Anyway, we just got this one back, we don’t need to lose one Nobody goes MARISHA: Okay Okay LAURA: Good MARISHA: Do you think my brother’s destined for a life of misery, though? LAURA: Well, maybe you can break him from that MARISHA: Maybe there are other ways SAM: Like how? Do you want to kidnap him? LAURA: No, but– MARISHA: Maybe? SAM: I was kind of thinking about it MARISHA: That’s not a bad idea TRAVIS: Wait Did you say kidnap him? MARISHA: Yeah, what if we just suddenly take him? SAM: Beauregard said something interesting She said, “Oh Luc and my brother,” what is his name? JT? TJ? MARISHA: TJ SAM: TJ MARISHA: Thoreau, Jr My dad’s got an ego SAM: Luc and TJ could be friends What if just went back and kidnapped your brother and took him to live– LAURA: (gasps) What if we go up there, I Dimension Door in, I snag him up, bamf out– TALIESIN: Maybe TJ is going to reach an age and he’ll reach out and you’ll be there to get him out of a bad situation LAURA: It’s true Nothing makes siblings connect faster than shitty parents MARISHA: That’s true Plus, I have a good way of talking with angsty teens, so SAM: Just have to wait 10 years MARISHA: Yeah, yeah SAM: Really connect ASHLEY: And he’s probably safer there than, you know, taking– we can’t take a baby on the road with us, you know? TRAVIS: We barely took care of Kiri LIAM: He’s with his mother LAURA: Kiri turned out great, okay? MARISHA: He’s behind shatterproof glass SAM: Is your mother caring at all? TRAVIS: She’s walking around with a dagger, telling people to go fuck themselves MARISHA: She’s caring when she– she’s caring, yeah. She cares LAURA: I bet when your dad isn’t around, your mom’s cool MARISHA: That’s kind of exactly it, yeah SAM: What if when your mom’s not around, is that okay? MARISHA: I think it’s a little different If you’re talking about yourself, it is 100% different and do not fucking compare yourself to my parents SAM: Well, I’m totally absent right now MARISHA: But there’s a difference between pursuing the things that make you happy and showing that and being an example to your kids and then just totally fucking being so self absorbed in your own damage that you just transfer all of that and neglect them TRAVIS: That’s very well put, actually TALIESIN: That’s really well put ASHLEY: What were your parents like? What was your mom’s name? (laughter) TALIESIN: Wow (laughter) TRAVIS: Chef’s kiss SAM: I had lovely parents ASHLEY: Yeah?
SAM: Ashley was her name (laughter) MATT: Everyone write that down SAM: It was easy to remember TRAVIS: And your father? SAM: Travis (laughter) ASHLEY: Wow, they sound, those are the most– TRAVIS: Canon ASHLEY: Those are great names LAURA: Those are really good names TRAVIS: Strong, strong names Warriors’ names SAM: I had three older brothers who I didn’t get along with too well, but my parents were loving and kind and– TALIESIN: My parents would take long trips SAM: Wait, yeah? Okay How did you cope with that? TALIESIN: Very well We had a close family and pilgrimages and leaving home to check in on other people was pretty common They’d be gone months at a time sometimes ASHLEY: Your parents? TALIESIN: And my aunt Not all at once, obviously, but yes Eventually, every now and then, some of my siblings would go, too I would’ve eventually gone for things longer than two weeks to get supplies, but– SAM: Was it lonely? Did you miss them? TALIESIN: Well, I missed them, but it wasn’t lonely SAM: How did you know that they still loved you while they were gone? TALIESIN: Absence isn’t the opposite of love Plenty of ways to show someone you don’t love them that don’t involve not being there Being off and doing good work was important That’s what we did as a family They were being their best selves LAURA: My dad wasn’t around and he was off doing good work and– SAM and MARISHA: Well TALIESIN: Sure SAM: He was doing work LAURA: But– MARISHA: He was very successful at the work he did, no doubt LAURA: Yeah. And you know what, though? My mom always told me if he could be here, he would, and that if he knew me, he would love the shit out of me She didn’t say it exactly like that, but You know, your husband is telling your son how much you love him SAM: But I– LAURA: He knows SAM: But I could be there. I can, as soon as we want LAURA: Yeah TALIESIN: That’s true of anything That’s true right now LAURA: You could have been there this whole time, though TALIESIN: That’s true a month ago LAURA: It’s pretty obvious that Yeza would accept you as you are MARISHA: You’re also making boatloads of cash, which can totally go towards a great scholarship and a retirement fund, you know? TRAVIS: Braces are not cheap these days MARISHA: Absolutely LAURA: Fjord knows You don’t want– (laughter) LAURA: You don’t want Luc filing down his own teeth That shit hurts SAM: No, I don’t TRAVIS: True that LAURA: They look good, though, they’re looking real good TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester SAM: But what if I– what if when I change, if I– when I change back, what if I don’t want to stay with you guys? LAURA: Then you don’t have to TALIESIN: You don’t have to, that’s okay, but just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons TRAVIS: It’s important that you know that we want you to, but your decision matters the most LAURA: And if you don’t stay with us, we’ll know you love us SAM: Mm-hmm ASHLEY: Does thinking about going back home and having a family life, is that an exciting thought to you? SAM: (sighs) Yes and no I mean, yes, of course, I want to be with my family They need me, I need to be with them and it’s all I’ve wanted for so long but just to go back and to be a supporting player in my story doesn’t seem– I don’t know how I would feel about that I mean, we’ve had so many amazing adventures together You tried to kill me And that’s crazy, that’s exciting ASHLEY: Nott, I didn’t SAM: Well, I mean– TALIESIN: You’ve tried to kill me a couple times SAM: I almost did kill you ASHLEY: No, you’ve tried to kill, you’ve actually, you’ve– I think you stabbed me a few times SAM: Oh, I’m sure, yes MARISHA: Beau has shot me in the ass Sorry, Nott has shot Beau in the ass (laughter) LAURA: You’re Beau MARISHA: I’m Beau I’m exhausted, literally MATT: Literally
SAM: (shushes) MARISHA: Sorry MATT: (zombie groaning) LAURA: Shh shh shh MARISHA: I throw another ball bearing MATT: (chuckling) TRAVIS: (groaning) ALL: (laughter) MATT: (gulps) (choking) TRAVIS: (explosion sound) ALL: (laughter) TRAVIS: Shit We went about that the wrong way before (laughter) SAM: I just don’t know how, I don’t know how to manage it MARISHA: Not knowing the Heimlich, the most deadly thing (laughter) SAM: I do want to be with them, of course I want to be with them, and I’m worried that when I get to be with them again, I won’t want to leave And if I do, I’ll feel shitty about it And when I’m with you, I’ll feel great, but I’ll also feel a little bit shitty and when I’m with them, I’ll feel great but also a little bit shitty And I’m not brave enough to do either TALIESIN: I think– I’ve been thinking this for a while, Nott There is a truth to the idea that you could’ve gone back at any time SAM: Mm-hmm TALIESIN: Have you ever really taken some sober quiet time to think about what it is that you actually want and not what you think you should want? LAURA: (gasps) SAM: Sober’s not my thing, really LAURA: Well– TALIESIN: If it’s possible to just sit and really try and clear your mind and figure out what it is that would bring you the most peace SAM: I’ve never really been religious or anything, but do you think I should sit and– LAURA: Pray to the Traveler? Definitely TALIESIN: I was going to suggest maybe some quiet meditation, but SAM: Is that something you can do without believing in some god thing? LAURA: To just sit and be quiet? TALIESIN: Only have to believe in quiet MARISHA: I could teach you that SAM: Oh yeah? MARISHA: Yeah SAM: I mean, I– MARISHA: It’s like monk 101 shit SAM: A Skillshare class? MARISHA: Yeah It’s 75 gold TALIESIN: You only have to believe in yourself (laughter) MARISHA: It’s a subscription service LIAM: I thought monk 101 was horse ass-slapping MARISHA: That’s another Skillshare course ASHLEY: You learn a lot in 101 TALIESIN: Yeah TRAVIS: Yeah. That first year’s a bitch Backpack’s super heavy (laughter) TRAVIS: Fucking Cobalt– (laughter) TRAVIS: -class load MARISHA: Let’s jog a mile first (laughter) SAM: All right, maybe if we have some time I mean, we’re in the swamp of doom here, we can’t– LIAM: We’re also pressed like sardines because we don’t have, oh no, we cleared it, we cleared it– MATT: You cleared it; you got space MARISHA: We could do this right now LAURA: But we’re really close because we’re whispering, so MARISHA: Meditation is about blocking out everything around you and your head and just SAM: All right LAURA: I can help I’ll just, yeah, I’ll just poke I’ll just poke Nott the whole time MARISHA: That’s high level meditation, that’s like– TALIESIN: She’s not ready for that MARISHA: –a challenge SAM: Should I get drunk first or– MARISHA: No LAURA: No, no MARISHA: You really shouldn’t– TALIESIN: That will make it hard MARISHA: I appreciate that sentiment and I know where you’re going, but no LIAM: Maybe you should skip that flask for a few days and think about it LAURA: What is it considered? Does it make you wise when you are meditating? SAM: Do you want to try it with me? MARISHA: Am I about to lead the group in a group meditation? TRAVIS: Fuck yes, let’s do that MARISHA: All right, all right Who wants to meditate? SAM: I do TRAVIS: I’m ready. I’m always down LIAM: It’s a yoga class in a zombie field TRAVIS: This is a first (laughter) This is a first MATT: Which, mind you, the space in here is very much like a sleepover You’re all are Tetris-ed in this interior space TALIESIN: I’ll also say that we all are exhausted, so this is going to be really hard MARISHA: Yeah, everyone’s just going to fall asleep TALIESIN: Yeah ALL: (laughter) TRAVIS: (mimics falling) LAURA: But I’m going to– wait, before we do this SAM: Do we need a word? MARISHA: What? No SAM: Like a chanting word? Don’t you have a– MARISHA: That’s a monkey chant, that’s different SAM: A monkey chant? MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: (gorilla grunt) TALIESIN: Good callback TRAVIS: Like a monk apostrophe Y or a monkey chant? MARISHA: No, like a monkey, but I appreciate that as well, yeah SAM: But isn’t there– I’ve heard or read or whatever, don’t you have to say a word over and over to lull yourself– ASHLEY: I think that’s called something else TALIESIN: That’s something else MARISHA: I mean, there’s many ways of meditation. There’s no real right way It depends on what works best for you and your inner peace SAM: All right, take us through it LAURA: I’m going to– hold on, before we do this, I’m going to cast Enhance Ability at third level on Nott TALIESIN: Guidance TRAVIS and MARISHA: (laughter) LAURA: And also myself because the whole time we’re doing this, I’m keeping an eye out for anything coming through the mist MATT: Okay ASHLEY: I’m watching as well MATT: Enhance Ability on which ability?
LAURA: Owl’s Wisdom MATT: Okay, you got it MARISHA: Fucking Thaddeus MATT: Make a perception check LAURA: Advantage MATT: Mm-hmm LAURA: Guide me Ooh hoo! That’s good 25 MATT: 25, you’re keeping watch on them The heavy cluster of these undead that had found you It’s taken a long time, like the past hour and a half or so that you guys have been waiting and talking and catching up a bit. They’ve been slowly dissipating There’s maybe a handful that are visible about maybe a hundred feet away or more and even then, just barely through the mist and only because you rolled so high But you don’t see any immediate danger, you haven’t drawn any immediate attention, and for the time being, you feel safe Are you going to guide them through a meditation? MARISHA: Everyone lay on your back LAURA: Oh, we’re laying down? TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going this way I’m going to do, yeah LAURA: I’m going to sit I’m going to sit so I can keep watch SAM: Close eyes, open eyes? MARISHA: Close your eyes Just being to focus on your breathing LAURA: I feel itchy MARISHA: No, don’t, you push it out– SAM: You are the worst MARISHA: –of your brain Try not to move, try not to touch anything Just try to release LIAM: I am thinking so many things now– MARISHA: Stop, shut up, Caleb God fucking, all right TRAVIS: (zombie groan) MARISHA: (sighing) (loudly) Ignore the fucking undead, okay? ALL: (shushing) MARISHA: Sorry, sorry LAURA: Ball bearing SAM: This is the perfect place to meditate TRAVIS: I don’t know what it looks like, but even with my eyes closed, this is so great LIAM: You see it from 500 feet and there’s just– they’re closing in– (laughter) LIAM: –on this little glass ball MATT: This is the weirdest 28 Days Later reboot I’ve ever seen TRAVIS: Just laying on the ground (groaning) MATT: We’ll say– LIAM: Namaste MARISHA: And I lead them through a guided meditation MATT: You do And you know what? Who here doesn’t have a point of exhaustion? MARISHA: Doesn’t? LIAM: Does not, right? ASHLEY: I do LAURA: You do MATT: All right ASHLEY: I don’t know where it came from, though MATT: Caleb and Jester, it is a very nice guided meditation It is weirdly calming for you, very challenging for you for the continuous amount of information that’s going through your head, but you do find a few moments of clarity You finish the meditation, you both open your eyes, and that was really peaceful Everyone else is dead asleep (laughter) TRAVIS: I’m okay with that TALIESIN: I’m all right with that MARISHA: (sighs) Did your spirit animal come to you? Did you have a vision, did you–? TRAVIS: Who you talking to? We’re all fucking out MARISHA: I was talking to them LAURA: Are you awake? Are you awake? MARISHA: Well, I guided the meditation, so I’m assuming I am. (laughs) MATT: Yeah TRAVIS: It’s a marsh, I was out MARISHA: Yep MATT: Yep. (laughs) TRAVIS: Tickles MATT: Because you know this space well, you weren’t– you weren’t taken by the meditation to put you to sleep TRAVIS: Sha-ka! (laughter) SAM: Nice cover (laughter) SAM: What was that sound supposed to be? TRAVIS: (laughs) Like how to tickle MATT: The meditation, successful, was nice Eventually, you find yourselves to a comfortable rest for the night within the safety of this dome, hopefully for the length of time that it remains as it is an eight hour dome and you spent the first two hours of it talking and going through this meditation LAURA: Oh Jesus MATT: But that should be fine As you find yourselves asleep in the middle of the darkened mist-covered– LAURA: Wait MATT: –swamp LAURA: One last thing MATT: Yes? LAURA: As we’re going to sleep, I just want to apologize, Caleb I mean, I just want you to know that I would never use anything to modify a memory on you or Yasha or anyone that that we know You know, I know what it means LIAM: Well it’s a tricky thing and it’s all about what you do with it, really LAURA: Yeah LIAM: And you did a good thing LAURA: Yeah LIAM: You made her happier LAURA: I think so LIAM: And it sounds like you made your new friend happier as well LAURA: (laughs) Yeah (gentle music) Okay I just wanted to make sure LIAM: Good night, Jester LAURA: Good night, Caleb (gentle music) MATT: Under the dull moonlight against the now relatively still marsh waters that rest around here, the darkened dome visible, you all find a night’s rest We’re going to go take a break (whooping) TRAVIS: Long rest, baby, you gimme dat MATT: You did, you got yourself a long rest I, I think, knocked over– there it is, my information sheet for the giveaway tonight We have our giveaway tonight from our friends at Wyrmwood Gaming
We’re giving away the Valentine’s Day Vault, which includes a custom transcription, transcwiption, in Quenya Elvish So we got, I guess, two of these to give away on that, which is kind of rad You can order it now until February 8th, so very soon, little window, at wyrmwoodgaming.com to receive it by Valentine’s Day if you’re looking to give one of these to a present and a special someone So you got two days to get it in time The keyword Remember, you can only enter it once in chat Entering it more than once will disqualify you guys Once again, it’s for US and Canada only, excluding Quebec because of challenging laws TRAVIS: Hey MATT: But yeah, the word tonight is cupcake (laughter) MARISHA: There you go MATT: C-U-P-C-A-K-E, cupcake We’ll be back here shortly to continue our story See ya in a bit (cheering) (upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open a webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In a mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! ♪ ♪ D&D, yeah! ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D ♪ ♪ D&D, yeah! ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you got your swords ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D, D&D ♪ (electronic drumming) ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ (upbeat music) (dramatic rock music) ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo doo-oo ♪ ♪ Doo-oo doo-oo doo-oo ah ♪ (bluesy guitar music) LIAM: Look at me, I’m Leatherface! SAM: (laughs) (chainsaw mis-starting) LIAM: (yelps) (bluesy guitar music) JULIE: All Work No Play. (laughs) (bluesy guitar music) BRIAN (V.O.): Last time on Talks Machina BRIAN: “We saw your face journeys, but can you talk about “your train of thought as Laura Bailey “once again proved she is the bestest at haggling?” ASHLEY: It took awhile to realize what she was doing, but then when we did, we were like, “There’s no way”– TALIESIN: I didn’t– I genuinely didn’t know what she was doing until the– so I was like, “Is this a bit? “Are you just doing a bit, is this?” Ah yeah, and then, that spell– BRIAN: Did you think she was going to really give up her hands? I thought she was going to give up her hands– ASHLEY: For a second, I was like– BRIAN: I was like, “She must have “some spell where she could grow them back?” ASHLEY: Jester does shit that you’re like, “How did you even? “You’re so impulsive and you do things…” Like, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she did it TALIESIN: It was so, it was so clutch, too It was so fucking crazy ASHLEY: It was so cool BRIAN: She’s playing some long cons this campaign for sure ASHLEY: Yes TALIESIN: Every now and then you see somebody in one of these games just do something so off the fucking wall And it was so off the fucking wall ASHLEY: And she used Modify Memory in such a positive way, which is what was so cool. It was just so delightful, and then just, like, now the hag is like, “Oh, I got a buddy now and I wonder where she is “I just want to hang out with her.” I mean, who knows? Maybe in the future, it won’t– TALIESIN: That’s going to come back to haunt us ASHLEY: It’s going to come back BRIAN: Yeah, because Matt– TALIESIN: That’s come back to haunt us BRIAN: Matt even did one of those, you know, things where he says, “Yeah,” but, you know, and he’s smiling while he does it that makes me think– ASHLEY: But in the moment BRIAN: “Oof.”
But in the moment, yeah, it was incredible to see that’s what she chose to do instead of, yeah, it was baffling Instead of– ASHLEY: Ugh, it was so good! BRIAN: You do often see Modify Memory used not that way and I thought that, yeah ASHLEY: Yeah BRIAN: Yeah, yeah You’re right, yeah ASHLEY: It was so good and the cupcake, it was just like, ah, it was so good TALIESIN: It was a– perfect. It was perfect BRIAN: As people went in and out of Isharnai’s cabin– how’d I do? DANI: Good, right BRIAN: I’m awesome You looked like you had a plan but you didn’t get to act on it TALIESIN: The best I came up with, I came up with the idea of Clay was thinking of offering to never go home again ASHLEY: Oh BRIAN: Whoa TALIESIN: So still save everything DANI: Yeah, but just never see it TALIESIN: But just be like, “I agree to never, “that once it’s up, it’s fine.” That’s rough BRIAN: That’s rough, buddy TALIESIN: Didn’t have to do it, so BRIAN: Goddamn “How did it feel for Yasha to be told “she was already too miserable to make a bargain with? “Does Yasha agree that she is the bottom of the barrel “or has she found some happiness with her friends?” ASHLEY: I think she would agree with that and I think it was almost good for her to hear that, of like, “You’re the bottom of the barrel right now.” (inhales) I do think she’s slowly finding happiness with her friends and sort of getting comfortable with those relationships again I think the conversation with Caleb was nice to, I mean, to sort of have a companion in misery BRIAN: “When communing with the Wildmother, “Caduceus received confirmation that “his family indeed is at the menagerie “However, Matt described this response having less intensity “How did Caduceus interpret this?” TALIESIN: Not all of them are there BRIAN: Okay Just– TALIESIN: That was his immediate thought is it’s just one or two of them, not everybody Probably one, but But that was how I interpreted it, anyway BRIAN: And how did he feel about this news? TALIESIN: Relieved and also embarrassed that he bothered to ask It was one of those things where you shouldn’t ask This is not the sort of thing you ask That’s a sign of cowardice BRIAN: “Yasha made up her mind very quickly “to enter the hag’s home to make a deal “What was her thought process while listening to “Beau speak about the deal she wanted to make?” ASHLEY: I didn’t necessarily see it as one-upping each other, but I get that, but I think all of us were like, “No, I’m not going to let you do that “I can give up something, you can’t, “but I can because you’re more important.” But I think it was just sort of– HENRY: (barking) ASHLEY: Oh! BRIAN: It’s Marisha! ASHLEY: Speaking of! BRIAN: He’s excited to see Marisha MARISHA: I was going to– ASHLEY: It was a slow walk MARISHA: — stealthily– BRIAN: You can’t sneak out stealthily from that dog ASHLEY: You rolled low on that stealth BRIAN: Yeah, that was a natural one DANI: A natural one BRIAN: “What do you make of Jester leaning into “the more serious side of the Trickery domain as this was “a masterful display of subterfuge against a powerful being “rather than just one of her innocent pranks?” TALIESIN: I feel like the innocent pranks are already covering for the masterful subterfuge I think it’s all a grand scheme, personally ASHLEY: Yeah, I feel like– I mean, we don’t fully know what happened in there yet TALIESIN: No, we actually, the characters have no– ASHLEY: The characters don’t TALIESIN: She literally just, she just ran out of there like somebody running out of 7-11 going, “Don’t ask questions.” ASHLEY: Start the car TALIESIN: Start the car Let’s go, we’re going right now, right now Don’t ask ASHLEY: No, we’re not leaving TALIESIN: Don’t look back BRIAN: No, we’re not leaving him, no TALIESIN: Oh Henry ASHLEY: Henry TALIESIN: Henry? BRIAN: He’s, I feel like– TALIESIN: Don’t go over there, that’s something special BRIAN: There’s a cop hiding somewhere in here He’s been trying to sniff him out for me I trained him to sniff out cops TALIESIN: There’s a cop hiding in all of us ASHLEY: Sit TALIESIN: Truly, when you think about it BRIAN: That’s true ASHLEY: Sit, thank you BRIAN: The Cop Inside Me? I read that book TALIESIN: Changed my life (dramatic music) (cheering) (whooping) SAM: Yeah, we did it, yeah! DANI: Sam Riegel, you just won the Super Bowl, what’re you going to do now? SAM: I’m subscribing to Critical Role, yeah! DANI: Beautiful, and that’s– SAM: It’s about perseverance, like remembering to resubscribe with Twitch Prime every month, yeah, ho ho ho ho DANI: Yes! Well, could you– SAM: Have done it without my teammates? Come on, no way! And they couldn’t have done it without the Twitch subscriptions that I gave them, right, guys? Yeah! DANI: Okay, Sam, but what about– SAM: What about what inspires me, you mean? Well, Yee-Haw Game Ranch really does I mean, watching that dehydrated piece of string cheese Brian Foster every couple weeks really gets me pumped for the big game. (laughs) DANI: Sam, hold on, we have to– (air horn blowing)
SAM: You can’t believe it? You can’t believe it, is that what you said? Well, it’s true because every Yee-Haw VOD is instantly available as soon as you subscribe. It’s amazing DANI: Sam! SAM: We did it, guys DANI: Sam! SAM: Yeah, yeah! DANI: Sam! SAM: Yeah! What? Sorry DANI: Just say, “I’m going to Disneyland.” You’re doing a commercial for Disneyland SAM: Oh Uh (squirting) What’s a Disneyland? (explosion) (dramatic music) (whistle blowing) (dramatic music) SAM: I don’t know, I got to be honest with you– DANI: Oh! SAM: I got hit in the head pretty hard out there DANI: Oh my god SAM: Woo, uh, I’m not good at sports (thudding) (crowd groaning) (whooshing) (cheering) (fire whooshing) (dramatic music) MATT: And welcome back
All righty, so we have our two winners
for the two pieces in our Wyrmwood giveaway of these Valentine’s Day inscripted bits The winners are thintheveil ALL: Ooh MATT: Congratulations, thintheveil And gamerjasmania SAM: Ooh! MATT: Congratulations to the both of you We’ll get those pieces sent out to you ASAP (paper rustling) All righty So, Mighty Nein,
after a long rest is acquired, the points of exhaustion of which those of you who still maintain them, if you had just one, goes away I believe you all just have one point each But you awaken just as the dome vanishes You’re awakened because as soon as it does, the warm, comfortable interior and the not-as-terrible smell suddenly vanishes and you find yourself immediately exposed to the elements of the swamp and (gasps) you all wake up as the cold air and the mist, still burning off in the early morning around you, greets you to the day LIAM: Early to bed, early to rise TALIESIN: Detect Undead MATT: Okay None LAURA: Oh TALIESIN: We’re good MATT: For the time being, at least TALIESIN: Pa-pa-pa-pow (laughter) LAURA: We should get out of here TALIESIN: We should get out of here LAURA: Caleb? LIAM: Ja? LAURA: I’m picking my spells Can you teleport us out or do I need to Find the Path? LIAM: I think so, but I don’t know that I can draw upon the ground here TRAVIS: Oh, right TALIESIN: Maybe finding the path LIAM: So we may need to walk a little bit LAURA: Hold on Lemme see, hold on SAM: Wait, you could– LAURA: Don’t I have a shape– SAM: You could paint a ground LAURA: I could paint a ground on the shitty ground? SAM: You could paint a– LAURA: Hold on, hold on, hold on SAM: — breakdancing cardboard piece? You know what I mean? TALIESIN: I do LAURA: How much space do you need to make the circle? LIAM: A 10-foot-diameter circle SAM: Big breakdance LAURA: Well, I could Stone Shape a couple times TALIESIN: Or we could just walk LAURA: Or we just walk out TALIESIN: We walked in LAURA: Maybe we walk until we get to ground that you can draw on LIAM: Where do we want to go, again? LAURA: I don’t know MARISHA: I guess back the way we came? LIAM: Well MARISHA: Do you think our horses are still alive? LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: How do you think WCG there is doing? LAURA: No, we sent them home, remember? MARISHA: I know, but do you think they made it? LAURA: No MARISHA: No, me neither (laughter) TRAVIS: Not a fucking chance “Oh, I’ll just stay under this tree at night.” (growls) MARISHA: (laughs) LIAM: Well, they were disguised as moorbounders dancing around like horses TRAVIS: Oh yes, that’s true MATT: Yep MARISHA: For how long? SAM: An hour or something LIAM: No, it was eight hours. Seeming MATT: Eight hours MARISHA: Eight hours? MATT: Yep Seeming lasts a while No, not concentration TALIESIN: We could head that way and see if there’s anything left. (laughs) MARISHA: Summons a scrap LAURA: They were– ASHLEY: Or they got killed when they got into town because they were like, “Ahh!” (laughter) TRAVIS: They made it all the way back (laughter) TALIESIN: Hey! LAURA: Oh no! (laughter) LAURA: That is so true SAM: Slay the beasts! TRAVIS: Also, fair (laughter) LIAM: Buttercup?! LAURA: Oh no ASHLEY: It’s okay TRAVIS: All right, let’s move, take advantage of the light ASHLEY: They’re beasts of the wild; they’ll be fine SAM: Do we have to move quietly? Or just go as fast as we fucking can? MARISHA: Kind of want that to be the reality (laughter) MARISHA: Just because it’s so funny TRAVIS: Are we casting your path-locating spell or just taking it? LAURA: I mean, I guess I can prepare it Give me a second MATT: If you continue to traverse here, we will begin doing a skill challenge SAM and TALIESIN: Oh, that’s right MATT: If you’re walking the rest of this path– LAURA: That’s why I was saying we should teleport TRAVIS: Can’t draw it MATT: It’s up to you Find the Path will help reduce the number of successes required to make your way out LIAM: We are done with your family? You don’t need– that’s it for now? MARISHA: Yep SAM: You don’t need to go back? MARISHA: For? I have no answers SAM: To kidnap your brother? MARISHA: Not, I can’t, not yet, I don’t think I have nothing else to report, I don’t think SAM: Okay, it’s done MARISHA: Nothing I can’t send in a message through Jes LAURA: I can send a message TRAVIS: She was gesturing to you, so yeah LIAM: Yeah LAURA: Oh SAM: By the way– LAURA: Then yeah, I could send a message SAM: That meditation stuff, I mean, it felt a lot like sleep MARISHA: Yeah, you fell asleep (laughter) TRAVIS: I didn’t, I stayed awake MARISHA: We’ll try again when we’re– LAURA: No, you fell asleep MARISHA: — not so tapped SAM: Okay MARISHA: Yeah LAURA: Maybe for the time being, you just practice being sober SAM: Okay MARISHA: How has that been? Because I know you were doing all right and then– but I don’t know if that’s how– SAM: I’ve been sneaking a lot of booze MARISHA: We’ve noticed SAM: Okay, okay I mean– MARISHA: No, we know SAM: Cool, I mean– MARISHA: Yeah SAM: It’s been going great, then TALIESIN: (laughs) MARISHA: Mm-hmm LIAM: We can often tell because you get a little aggro SAM: What the fuck did you just say?! I’m just kidding (laughter) TRAVIS: Is it something you want us to help remind you with or no? SAM: No, I like to drink TRAVIS: Right MARISHA: Do you want us to help you with that?
SAM: But if I’m aiming for this meditation thing, then I will do my best, so yes, if you catch me taking a little nip, why don’t– Yasha, why don’t you knock it out of my hand? ASHLEY: Are you sure? SAM: Yep MARISHA: Yasha’s the only one with permission? SAM: Yeah, yeah MARISHA: What if she doesn’t notice and the rest of us do? Are we allowed to tell her? SAM: You can tell Yasha LAURA: Oh ASHLEY: Are you stopping entirely or are you doing a taper thing? TRAVIS: No, don’t ask for clarification Wider is better Broad, broad ASHLEY: Any time you take a nip, I knock it out of your hand? SAM: Go ahead, I give you permission ASHLEY: What about if we go to a tavern or something and you want something to drink? LAURA: Nope, nope. Knock it out SAM: Wait, taverns, too? LAURA: Anywhere SAM: Oh shit LAURA: Booze is booze is booze SAM: All right LAURA: But a lot of taverns have decent milk SAM: I’ve seen the lumpy shit that you drink It’s like stew, it’s like dairy stew LAURA: I have a lot of– ASHLEY: You could have some tea LAURA: I also have some dust of deliciousness left SAM: Okay, so you can make the curdled milk taste like a cupcake? LAURA: Yeah TALIESIN: Like butter SAM: All right. (laughs) LIAM: New England clam chowder (groaning, gagging) TRAVIS: All right (laughter) SAM: A nice of shot of New England clam chowder TRAVIS: (gagging) SAM: With tequila Beer and ranch dressing LIAM: That sounds good (laughter) MATT: You saved yourself and you saved us all So what’s the plan? Are you guys traversing the way back? LAURA: No, I am going to use Stone Shape MATT: Okay LAURA: I’m going to look for a patch of ground that is, you know, good and I’m going to make it nice and flat and drawable for Caleb MATT: Okay Yeah, you can definitely do that with that spell You take a little bit of time, keeping an eye out as well, setting up this stone flatland platform large enough to contain this circle of teleportation Easily enough, it’s available to you You can begin the inscribing on the ground LIAM: Destination? Anywhere, East or West? LAURA: Where do you want to go? LIAM: I don’t care TRAVIS: The Menagerie Close to the Menagerie LAURA: Well, we can go to Yussa’s LIAM: Mm hm Do you want to give him a heads up this time? We could actually be responsible, for once SAM: Is that, weren’t we going to– LAURA: Caduceus SAM: To Caduceus’? TALIESIN: That would be on the way, that would be the way to do it SAM: On the way, well, I mean, we’re over here MARISHA: But I don’t know if– SAM: Menagerie is here and Yussa’s over here, so– MARISHA: But what he’s saying I don’t know if Caleb knows any other closer teleportation circles past that SAM: But we can go to Rosohna and ask Essek to take us there TALIESIN: Or we can get the ship LAURA: And go to your place and then go do the meetup TALIESIN: Go to my place and then to yours LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah SAM: That’s a lot of seafaring TALIESIN: Yeah SAM: That’s three weeks of seafaring MARISHA: That sounds fucking awesome TALIESIN: That sounds great LAURA: We haven’t been on a boat in a long time, you guys SAM: We’re just going to go on a sail for three weeks? Don’t we have shit to do? Don’t you want to– ASHLEY: Wait, but isn’t the con coming up? LAURA: I’m going to send a message to Orly and see where they are SAM: You’re right, but we’d be going down there ASHLEY: We’d be going down there anyway MARISHA: We did tell Orly to stay, right? TALIESIN: We did MATT: You told Orly to hang around, I believe MARISHA: We were like: Hey Orly, don’t go LIAM: Stay LAURA: We did? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm MARISHA: I think so LAURA: Okay nevermind, I’m not going to send him a message, then MARISHA: Well, I mean, you could TRAVIS: We’re right here, right? SAM: Just to clarify– MATT: Actually, north of Kamordah, you’re more up there, yeah TRAVIS: Okay, and the Menagerie’s here? LAURA: Yeah, but Nicodranas is down further, yeah SAM: And just so I’m clear, we, who right now are near another destination that we had– LAURA: Which is what? SAM: Pride’s Call There was another item on the to-do list MARISHA: No no no– SAM: We are going to, sure, sure, sure, but we’re going to choose not to do that and instead– MARISHA: Well, we don’t– SAM: — decide to go on a three week-long boat trip to a place that we can get to in one day? MARISHA: Well, we decided we weren’t going to do Pride’s Call because we decided we didn’t need to– SAM: That’s fine, but even going to Caduceus’ family, we could get there in a day and a half versus three weeks of boat trip TRAVIS: You mean, if we traverse all these mountains and come down this way? SAM: No, if we teleport back to Xhorhas and ask Essek to just take us there MARISHA: Yeah, that’s assuming a lot from Essek, though, right? TALIESIN: I don’t know if I want to keep burning favors I’m happy to just take the journey, I’m a believer in the journey SAM: He’s our best bud LAURA: I can send him a message and ask him if he can do it TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s ask him I mean, we did help him make an incredibly powerful spell Seems to be– TALIESIN: I’m okay I’m personally happy getting on a boat I think that sounds like a lot of fun LAURA: Either way, Orly’s going to have to meet us That boat is going to take three weeks
TRAVIS: Yeah, the boat’s pretty slow LAURA: To get to the other place TRAVIS: Yeah MARISHA: Okay, why don’t we ask Essek first? That’s always the first step, right, asking? LAURA: Yeah MARISHA: Yeah? All right TRAVIS: (laughs) Something to put into practice every time LAURA: I’m going to send a message to Essek Question: if we needed to teleport somewhere, would you be able to do it because you love us now? Or is still, like, not cool? Ish TRAVIS: It’s hard to count words My ADD goes crazy MATT: “Well, that depends on where are you going.” LAURA: Fuck MATT: “If it is a place I don’t know, “there is significant risk “But possible.” TRAVIS: We did this before, when we were chasing Obann LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah TRAVIS: We just fell through a bunch of fucking trees LAURA: That’s risky MARISHA: But I’m into it Right? We’re into it? TALIESIN: I mean– MARISHA: What do we want to do? TRAVIS: It’s a great idea I think it’s actually the fastest way to do it LAURA: And then we do the stuff for Caduceus TALIESIN: And then– LAURA: We can teleport to Nicodranas TALIESIN: And then we take a boat ride for three weeks LAURA: And then we take a boat TRAVIS: Yeah LAURA: Well, not for three weeks, just for a couple weeks We go deal with the negotiation and then we go to Traveler Con MARISHA: Are you wanting to take a boat because– TALIESIN: I was excited on a boat MARISHA: Are you excited about the boat because it was going to stall for another three weeks? TALIESIN: I don’t know MARISHA: Mm-hmm TRAVIS: Caduceus, you’re very honest, normally MARISHA: I think he honestly doesn’t know TALIESIN: I don’t know LAURA: We could go to Nicodranas, get on the boat, go do the negotiation, go to Traveler Con, and then go do the stuff for your family if you want to delay TALIESIN: There is the negotiation No LAURA: We have to be on the boat TALIESIN: No, let’s do this, all right TRAVIS: Fuck yes, let’s do this LAURA: Really? TALIESIN: Sure LAURA: Okay How much time until Traveler Con? MATT: It’s about, I think, four weeks, four to five weeks at this point, somewhere in that neighborhood The negotiation– MARISHA: It hasn’t changed or it’s– LAURA: I mean, it’s only been a couple days Every time I ask, it’s like a day MATT: Yeah MARISHA: It’s always a day MATT: Yeah, it’s between four and five weeks, I think TRAVIS: People come and go so quickly TALIESIN: I have everything I need for– I don’t necessarily know what I need to do, but I’ve got everything I need for– MATT: You have completed the visions that brought you to Kravaraad and you have the materials that you recall in the visions that you required for the next stage, but that’s all you know TALIESIN: Okay, yeah LAURA: You want to try it? TALIESIN: Sure LAURA: All right, let’s go to Xhorhas LIAM: (chalk scratching) Ready? LAURA: Yeah LIAM: (whooshing) LAURA: Oh, we didn’t tell them SAM: Ah, shit (laughter) MARISHA: We told the one person without the other TALIESIN: We talked about it LAURA: We talked about it LIAM: That’s a step in the right direction TALIESIN: Ugh MATT: Baby steps, guys, baby steps TALIESIN: We’re the worst MARISHA: We’re incapable of changing our actions LIAM: We wanted to care MATT: Eh, really? LAURA: (laughs) TALIESIN: We are the worst house guests MATT: All right You all immediately return, there we go, to the Lucid Bastion basement (rapid whooshing) All arriving in the familiar basement, the posted Aurora Watch spin around just to check, that brief moment of (grunts) (sighing) and they go back to their post You walk the familiar crystal-walled halls, head nods of recognition, though it is bustling, you can tell that there is an energy here, probably due to the current holding of any sort of conflict A lot of people are figuring out what to do, what to watch for, and what to be careful of in that time period as well as preparations for this seafront negotiation of which, while the leaders will not be physically present, there will be a lot at stake and on the table for this discussion You make your way into the open Gallimaufry, heading your way towards the neighborhood where the Xhorhaus resides. The tree greets you, still glowing in the eternal night that is the city You approach the door, (bell ringing), it opens, and your home is as you left it LAURA: I’m going to go wash all this poison-y swamp nastiness off of me SAM: It just occurred to me, we have a lot of money Should we hire someone to take care of the house while we’re not here?
LAURA: Well we did, but they up and left I don’t even know where she went SAM: She wasn’t really hired MARISHA: Dairon? She’s an Expositor of the Cobalt Reserve LAURA: I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m going to go take a bath SAM: Should we hire– TRAVIS: No, I don’t really care I think it’s quite nice now SAM: But there’s never any food here when we get back, we have to go shopping TRAVIS: That’s what Caduceus is for SAM: I guess so, but– MARISHA: Caduceus, can we heat up the hot tub? TALIESIN: Yeah, oh, I can– LAURA: We emptied the hot tub We have to fill up the hot tub SAM: Our servant could do that for us TRAVIS: Caduceus, could I have a mushroom and moss sandwich, please? SAM: (laughs) TALIESIN: I can do all of these things MATT: (chuckles) LIAM: It’s still relatively early in the day, right? We woke up– SAM: 7 a.m LIAM: Put some stone on the ground– MATT: You did, but you traveled a bit, so you lost a bit of time LIAM: Okay MATT: By the time you guys had come to and set yourself up and so, I’d say you would have left around probably nine LIAM: Okay MATT: To have gotten your full rest from the time you did actually sleep Getting here, I’d say it’s close to midday Though, once again, middle of the night LIAM: Right MATT: Here in Rosohna most of the time You’re looking around noon LIAM: Okay MATT: You begin to prepare– TALIESIN: Go prepare the hot tub and I’m going to make some sandwiches for everybody MATT: Okay, there you go A proper moment of downtime. (laughs) TALIESIN: Crusts cut off, I assume TRAVIS: What? SAM: Crust cut off? TRAVIS: No, that’s where all the nutrients are, right? You said it’s all in the crust TALIESIN: I was just assuming you were going to be picky TRAVIS: No! TALIESIN: Oh, all right ASHLEY: Wait, what kind of sandwich is this? TRAVIS: Mushroom and moss ASHLEY: Mushroom and moss? TALIESIN: It’s an M&M TRAVIS: Caduceus special TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m working on it Tiny triangles, tiny triangles TRAVIS: That’s very sweet TALIESIN: Like tea sandwiches TRAVIS: Oh, (laughs) yeah (laughter) TRAVIS: I thought it was multi-tiered MARISHA: So cute (laughter) TRAVIS: More cucumber! MATT: While you’re making sandwiches, you guys have the afternoon here in Rosohna Is there anything you want to accomplish while you’re in the city, anything you’re looking for, or–? LIAM: Yeah, I want to go shopping LAURA: (laughs) LIAM: I have an errand to run MATT: Okay LIAM: That is, I want to ask around town and find a magical shop Scrolls MATT: Oh, scrolls in particular LIAM: Yes MATT: You do know, there are a couple of small magical shops, if there is a place to go to get that sort of knowledge You can try, first, the Marble Tomes Conservatory or you can try and look for a place that’s more off the beaten path Your call LIAM: I will go to the Marble Tome Conservatory MATT: Okay, you do know that place It is a little more controlled, you know, it’s definitely more of an established location So who knows? LIAM: I can’t remember, Caleb does but I can’t, is that a shop or more of a library? MATT: It is a library in a place of learning, that is where Professor Waccoh is, but it’s also where you have the Enchanter Yun that made her bracers was LIAM: Okay MATT: You have a rapport there LIAM: Okay MATT: But it is more of a place of learning It’s up to you, if you think the rapport that you have– LIAM: I’ll look for the shop, I’ll look for the shop I’m going to go bargain– TRAVIS: Yeah LIAM: Bargain bin TRAVIS: Yeah! LIAM: Diving MATT: Make an investigation check with disadvantage TRAVIS: Come on baby, let’s go MARISHA: $5 DVDs TRAVIS: Yep LIAM: I will say that– MATT: Actually– LIAM: I was about to drop a Fortune’s Favor on myself before heading out the door MATT: You can do that We’re going to make it, just situationally here– TRAVIS: We’re property owners MATT: Persuasion with disadvantage LIAM: Persuasion with disadvantage MATT: Because it’s less about discovering the information The DC’s lower But because you are a lone human in the middle of Rosohna, it is a little more challenging to get information out of people that don’t have a rapport with you Go ahead and roll LIAM: I took out my lil (package crinkling) dingle dangle MATT: You do And in some places– LIAM: So with Fortune’s Favor, it’s a straight roll MATT: Correct LIAM: Persuasion, you said? MATT: Correct MARISHA and LIAM: (laughs) I’m sorry LIAM: Bink SAM: Aww MATT: You spend the better part of the next two hours of people sending you, like, “Oh yeah, “go down this road and find this.” And you get there and there’s nothing there and this one goes like, “Oh, gave you wrong directions “You want to go down this corner around there.” And it takes you awhile, in your earnestness, to realize you’ve been fucked with And you’ve just lost a couple hours and you’ve been even further lost and you found spaces you’ve never been to You do come across a very large hedge maze-like garden on the edge of the Gallimaufry, it’s the only thing of interest you come across, but it is beautiful You see an elderly lizardfolk who’s out there tending to the garden That’s it, that’s the only thing of interest you run into LIAM: Job well done, Caleb Widogast I Keen Mind follow the trail I took to get to this spot back home MATT: Okay, you got it LIAM: Good times MATT: Sorry, buddy. (laughs) Anybody else, anything you want to accomplish while they’re in the city?
TALIESIN: I’m making a really nice tub. It’s going to be– MATT: There you go, some herbs– ASHLEY: Flowers in it MATT: Get in a good soak. There you go TALIESIN: Candles, the whole deal SAM: I’m going to wander to the Corona District MATT: Ah, yes SAM: And see if I can find a servant for hire MATT: Okay You have a much better time than Caleb did Yeah, there is work to be had You go into there and you can see there are a lot of individuals that are hanging out in front of taverns Some of them look relaxing but some of them when you get close with that looking eye, like, “Hey, you looking to hire? “You got any building work, you building anything?” SAM: Maybe MATT: “Imagine I can help ya.” SAM: Maybe, what’s your skill set? MATT: Somebody else is like, “Ah, don’t listen to him, he’s full of shit “Me and Joey over here, we can totally get you covered, don’t worry.” SAM: You and Joey, eh? MATT: “Yeah.” SAM: What’s your skillset? I’m looking for– MATT: “Joedek, but we call him Joey.” SAM: In home care, home care MATT: “Yeah, no. We care about many homes, they’re great, is that right? And he’s like, “Yep.” SAM: Oh boy TRAVIS: Yep SAM: More of like a butler sort of a thing, I think not MATT: He changes his posture “Of course, we can help you in “whatever you require, isn’t that right?” The guy’s, “Yep.” SAM: Hm TRAVIS: Perfect SAM: Ah, no thank you I’ll just keep perusing MATT: “Ah, you son of a bitch!” And he’s just screaming at you from behind. (laughs) There isn’t a housekeeping service necessarily, but I’ll say, in asking around, you do come across this really, really sweet, young, bright-eyed drow girl who has her her platinum-white hair goes to a purple tint at the tips and she keeps it very well kept in the back and tied in two places, she’s dressed in nice, standard clothing and you catch her brooming on the exterior of a small livery And immediately you catch the attention of somebody that looks, you know, non-threatening, non-aggressive, and, apparently, is clean SAM: Hello there, young miss Do you work here? MATT: “I do.” SAM: Oh, and your job is to keep things clean and orderly? MATT: “That is one of my jobs, yes.” SAM: Oh, I’m looking for me– for my friends and I are looking for someone to help us with our home when we travel Would you be available to moonlight in that sort of a job or are you, you know, on salary here or something? MATT: “No, I am– well now, what are you paying, perhaps?” SAM: Oh boy What do you make here per day? MATT: “Well, my standard rate comes to about “one gold five silver.” SAM: That sounds fine to me MATT: “Per day?” SAM: Sure LAURA: (laughs) SAM: Sure LIAM: (coughing) SAM: Sounds good to me TRAVIS: Should be better being that close to Laura SAM: Is there a monthly rate or is just every day– MATT: “This is for an extended engagement–?” SAM: Yes, we sometimes travel for long periods of time And we need to be able to trust you, can we trust you? MATT: “Can you trust me?” SAM: Insight check MATT: Go for it She gives you these very waifish doe-like eyes and this soft smile SAM: 21 MATT: 21 SAM: I get a whisper? TALIESIN: That’s right, get up SAM: I get a whisper out of this TRAVIS: You notice the hilts of two daggers poking out of her– MARISHA: Yeah, no shit (laughter) LIAM: It’s the Inevitable End TALIESIN: Braces, bracers? TRAVIS: This whisper is brought to you by Skillshare ASHLEY: Or did I get those? MARISHA: I’ve got those bracers TRAVIS: Yeah TALIESIN: Wait, you have them? ASHLEY: Do you use them? LIAM: Nope, because you have to have no armor on ASHLEY: Oh, right TALIESIN: And you’re wearing? LIAM: My Frodo armor SAM: I like you, I like the cut of your jib What’s your name, child? MATT: “Vidalla.” SAM: Vidalla is beautiful LAURA: I don’t trust her at all SAM: Unquestionably beautiful MARISHA: She’s going to fucking rob us blind TRAVIS: What do we have in there? ASHLEY: As soon as we leave TRAVIS: A hot tub and a tree SAM: How about this, because I know that my friends would not appreciate me hiring someone without at least a negotiation Would you do it for one gold, four silver per day? MATT: “If that’s what would you prefer, of course “You were talking about a monthly rate, right?” SAM: Yes MATT: “We could go for the daily rate, “if it is something you’re more preferring “For a monthly rate, we could do it for, let’s say “40 gold for the month?” LAURA: Oh– SAM: I think that works Sure, yeah, that sounds great, let’s do it But you know what? I can’t hire you without introducing you to my friends, so could you walk across town with me? I’m a stranger and I’m a goblin
(laughter) MATT: “Certainly.” Goes out and sets the broom back inside and goes, “Detta! “I’m taking my lunch!” TRAVIS: Totally different MATT: “Whenever.” TRAVIS: (laughing) SAM: What was that? Okay Follow me MATT: “Of course.” SAM: All right, I’ll walk her back to our place TRAVIS: Promotion! LAURA: I’m going to go– LIAM: This is the beginning of the movie Parasite (laughter) LAURA: Oh my god MARISHA: Did you watch it? TRAVIS: Oh yes– MARISHA: It’s so good MATT: Best movie of last year ASHLEY: It’s so good MATT: Anyway, continue LAURA: I’m going to go upstairs to the tree MATT: Okay LAURA: To where we have all of our– TALIESIN: Shrines LAURA: Shrines, yes, thank you And I’m going to cast Word of Recall TRAVIS: Where are all these fucking spells coming from? TALIESIN: Oh LIAM: The massive Cleric list TRAVIS: Shit LAURA: I’m going to cast Word of Recall on the little shrine I’ve made to the Traveler MATT: Okay MATT: Hold on, I’m pulling it up TRAVIS: Oh yeah, well I have– MATT: Ah, you designate the sanctuary LAURA: Yes MATT: Gotcha, okay You have now– as you complete the spell, you can see the tree itself suddenly begins to drop some of its leaves These green leaves slowly drift down and as they hit the ground, a green little light (poofing) under each one Eventually they all scatter (whoosh) from a breeze that seems to come from nowhere and you sense the familiar presence of the Traveler smiling upon this particular land LAURA: Awesome TRAVIS: Shit MATT: Awesome Anybody else doing anything? You don’t have to, you can just wait if you’re not particularly going to do something TALIESIN: Oh, you have the +2 Bracers of Defense, you took them? MARISHA: Those were +2? TALIESIN: Yeah MATT: The ones you have are +2 already MARISHA: Oh yeah, mine are the exact same TALIESIN: Okay ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe I can sell these or something I’ll figure it out TALIESIN: That thing where you order something online and immediately see something just slightly better after that ASHLEY: Like at a better price LAURA and TALIESIN: Yeah TALIESIN: It’s like $8 cheaper and it comes with another option LAURA: But you can only wear them if you’re not wearing armor TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, medium armor MATT: Yeah, you got armor on TALIESIN: Yeah, you can’t be wearing armor ASHLEY: Oh yeah, because it ups your armor class TALIESIN: No shield, no armor TRAVIS: Got it TALIESIN: Can you, Nott? MATT: Nott has armor TALIESIN: Nott has armor, nevermind LAURA: Everybody’s got armor now ASHLEY: Jester, can I play with Sprinkle for a little bit? LAURA: I’m sure Sprinkle would love that! Don’t bite her, okay? ASHLEY: Thank you LAURA: He’s a little, um, skittish ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll be very careful MATT: (weasel chittering) ASHLEY: I’m going to take him and try to give him a little bath and fluff him up in the hot tub MATT: Okay LAURA: Oh, he’s going to hate it MATT: Now, to be specific here, based on recent adventures and the return from where you were, it very much looks like one of those viral videos when they’re cleaning animals after an oil spill (laughter) Sprinkle is just like (hacking weasel) TRAVIS: The Dawn commercial MARISHA: That’s the same thought I had TALIESIN: I’m sitting in the corner of the hot tub with my plate of sandwiches, just– LAURA: Look, I haven’t been giving, I didn’t give him a bath because he almost drowned and he’s like Nott and I thought maybe he didn’t want to be in the water, is all ASHLEY: No no no, we all were so messy and I just, I thought he could just, you know, get him all fluffy– LAURA: He seems like he likes it, so you’re doing a good thing ASHLEY: Yeah yeah yeah, okay okay SAM: Also, a bunch of zombies exploded acid all over him (laughter) LAURA: He was protected, he was in my hood, it’s fine LIAM: Bold move bathing a dead animal (laughter) MATT: You have to prepare them– ASHLEY: For five cents a day (laughter) MATT: But nevertheless, you do eventually clean Sprinkle off and it’s a good thing you’re a barbarian Your hands are pretty tough and the shear amount of bites that would’ve definitely hamburgered someone with a softer grip’s hands– MARISHA: For the price of a coffee MATT: Your thick skin in your mitts, fairly resistant, especially when it starts pissing you off and you start rage washing it LAURA: Oh! MATT: You take half the bite damage from the little– (laughter) ASHLEY: Oh no MATT: The little weasel ASHLEY: I’m going to towel him off and make him all fluffy Make him look all cute MATT: (snarling) (poofing) (laughter) LAURA: Whoa, whoa, what weasel smells
so bad? ASHLEY: That’s stinky (laughter) I want to put a little flower on him, see if it stays MATT: Through the process, roll an animal handling for me SAM: Yes MATT: I’m curious ASHLEY: Oh boy TALIESIN: Yeah TRAVIS: Please be one TALIESIN: Well! ASHLEY: Three (laughter) LIAM: (breaking) Oh! MATT: So when– (laughter) LAURA and ASHLEY: No, no, no MATT: No, no No, but– TRAVIS: Mending, Mending (laughter) MATT: As Yasha brings you back your sweet weasel, it’s less of a presentation and more of a, “Take it from me.” It’s going (angry weasel chittering) and it’s actually in the process of gnawing– ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay LAURA: Oh, that was so sweet of you, Yasha ASHLEY: He just, he was a little bit of– we all were a mess and– LAURA: Oh, he looks so cute now ASHLEY: He’s going to look so much better, you know, on your– LAURA: He’s got a flower on him Here Ah! ASHLEY: He’s– (laughter) It’s weird because he’s not very friendly (laughter) LIAM: He’s really worked up LAURA: Caduceus? TALIESIN: Yeah? LAURA: Do you have any, like, little bugs or pieces of meat or anything you can give him? ASHLEY: He might be hungry TALIESIN: I’m going to: Would you like a sandwich? LAURA: Would you like a sandwich? MATT: He calms a bit LAURA: Yeah, yeah, he wants a sandwich TALIESIN: Ah, come here MATT: (curious weasel chittering) (nibbling) TALIESIN: There you go You want another sandwich? MATT: (weasel chitter) LAURA: Yes and also, also for me, thank you (chuckling) MATT: Eventually, you calm Sprinkle Sprinkle is definitely already reticent around Yasha LAURA: Aw! MATT: You could work towards it, but it’s a step back in that relationship ASHLEY: I don’t need to, I think, he just was looking a little weird MATT: But right now, it does look like a very nice boa right now with the fluffed up red hair LAURA: Thank you, Yasha ASHLEY: You’re welcome TALIESIN: You look good, Sprinkle ASHLEY: It looks really good now It’s like a really nice– LAURA: Yeah MATT: Ding ga-ling-ling LAURA: Oh SAM: Company, family meeting, house meeting MATT: “Wow.” SAM: I’ve got to introduce you to your potential employers They might have some questions about your CV and your past work experience MATT: “Of course, of course.” MARISHA: Nott, what the fuck? SAM: No no, this is fine I’ve brought a young lady here, her name is Vendetta, if I remember– MARISHA: (yelling) Vendetta?! SAM: I don’t really remember, was it– LAURA: What’s your name? MARISHA: Your name is Vendetta? MATT: “That’s not my–” LAURA: Be nice MARISHA: What? MATT: She introduces herself Do you guys have any particular questions, like, I don’t know how much time you want to spend on this LIAM: All of it MATT: Okay Yeah, totally LAURA: I just don’t want her to steal things from us MATT: Of course SAM: This could be our person who takes care of the home when we are away LAURA: Oh, okay SAM: Because she, I know her qualifications are she can use a broom and she speaks our language LAURA: Oh, that’s wonderful Do you steal things? MATT: “No “Why would I steal something?” TRAVIS: Well, that’s excellent We have the ability to monitor every room in this house, so– MARISHA: Why wouldn’t you steal things? SAM: Beau, what, what are you– MARISHA: No, I mean, you only should trust someone who knows that they could steal things, but then also has the restraint and the loyalty to know that they shouldn’t LAURA: I’m going to cast Zone of Truth MATT: All right, you cast Zone of Truth LAURA: On, like, all of us, as many people that I can– MATT: Everyone make wisdom saving throws ASHLEY: Oh my god SAM: 10 TALIESIN: Natural 20 LAURA: Aw LIAM: Oh MARISHA: 21 LIAM: 13 TRAVIS: Seven TALIESIN: I’m just going to lie about everything because I can ASHLEY: Five LAURA: So Yasha, Fjord, and Caleb– SAM: And me LAURA: And Nott fail MATT: And so does she LAURA: Okay, good All right Are you trustworthy? MATT: “I like to think so “This would be a better job than “the one I currently have and–” MARISHA: How much do you currently make? MATT: “Currently, I make about, heh, “four silver pieces a day.” SAM: Wait! That, oh, interesting MARISHA: No, what? SAM: No MARISHA: No, keep going LAURA: How much– SAM: I was going to say– MATT: “Cleaning–” SAM: “Wait, that seems low.” MATT: “– horse and moorbounder manure.” LAURA and SAM: Oh ASHLEY: Do you clean houses? MATT: “I have before, but it’s been some time.” TRAVIS: You guys got this? MARISHA: Mm-hmm TRAVIS: Okay, good SAM: Don’t you want to ask something? TRAVIS: No, I’m good SAM: What do you mean you’re good? TRAVIS: Do we all need to be here as we interview the housekeeper? SAM: Yes! This is a house meeting I said house meeting, that means the whole house LAURA: What’s your biggest fear? TALIESIN: Do you have any experience taking care of houseplants? MATT: “(thoughtful humming)
“No.” TALIESIN: Do you feel prepared to learn how to take care of plants? MATT: “I think so.” TALIESIN: Okay LAURA: Do you like me? MATT: “You seem “aggressively likable.” SAM: I like you ASHLEY: Are you afraid of weasels? MATT: “Why?” MARISHA: She’s afraid of weasels What’s your favorite color? MATT: “Blue?” LAURA: What’s your favorite color? MARISHA: Green TRAVIS: Who are you asking? LAURA: You TRAVIS: Oh, blue MARISHA: Green LAURA: What’s your favorite color? LIAM: Oh, I don’t have one SAM: Oh, that’s weird MARISHA: Wait, you don’t have one? SAM: That is weird I mean, I’ve known you for so long and that is the weirdest thing– LAURA: Nott, favorite color SAM: Yellow LAURA: Oh, well TALIESIN: I don’t pick favorites MARISHA: But how do you see the world? ASHLEY: Silver TRAVIS: Silver? ASHLEY: Yeah LAURA: That’s a good color TRAVIS: What about yours, Jester? LAURA: Pink LIAM: How do I see color, is that what you’re asking? MARISHA: Yeah TRAVIS: We might have some important thing we need to get to if, you know– SAM: Yeah, yeah, you’re totally right LAURA: Does anybody have a crush on me? SAM: Oh MARISHA: Jester, you know everyone does LAURA: What? No MARISHA: Okay, back to you, though What’s the most expensive silverware you’ve ever stolen? MATT: “I’ve never stolen sil–” MARISHA: Lies. She’s lying LAURA: No she’s not, she’s telling the truth MARISHA: You’re right, she’s telling the truth What did you tell, (laughter) what did you tell her? LAURA: What are you talking about? Beau, are you drunk? TRAVIS: (sighing) MARISHA: I don’t trust her MATT: “If you don’t trust me, I can go.” LAURA: No, no, no, no– SAM: Let’s put it to a vote TRAVIS: Yes, let’s vote SAM: All in favor– LAURA: Do you have good intentions here? Do you want to keep a job here? Are you going to try to do anything shady? TRAVIS: Those are different– LAURA: Yeah, but– MATT: “I would like, I have good intentions, “I would like to, you know, “live above the current means that I do “If you are people that are very difficult to work with “and keep, then I wouldn’t stay in this job.” TRAVIS: We’re not, we’re never here Let’s vote, all in favor SAM: Yeah, of course TRAVIS: Hey, you’re hired Congratulations, when can you start? TALIESIN: How much do you make? MATT: “We had discussed 40 gold each month for the housekeeping–” TRAVIS: Holy fucking shit– MARISHA: Nott, that’s what I’m talking about, that’s what– SAM: What’s wrong with that? TRAVIS: Maybe she drove a hard bargain MARISHA: It’s insane SAM: Is that insane? We have lots of money MARISHA: She currently makes four silver LAURA: Is that high, did you quote something very high for us? MATT: “It would be better than what I’m making now at the–” MARISHA: Yeah, by, like, 5,000%! MATT: “– stables.” TRAVIS: We’ll pay it, you’re hired, you start today MATT: “Thank you very much “I’ll get my stuff.” MARISHA: She’s a grifter, I can smell it on her One recognizes one of their own, all right? SAM: You say that about literally everyone we meet TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re projecting super hard right now MARISHA: Yeah, you’re probably right TRAVIS: All right Take care of the house We don’t have any keys, guard the door with your life (laughter) MATT: “Am I starting now or tomorrow?” SAM: Immediately LAURA: Yeah, you can start right away SAM: You sleep in the hot tub at night LAURA: No, no. She’s lying TRAVIS: You can’t speak to your previous employers If you do, they’ll be killed SAM: That was a joke, it wasn’t a lie. (laughs) TRAVIS: That’s not true, I can’t say that. (laughs) MATT: “Okay.” TRAVIS: Sort of true MATT: “This is very strange house.” TALIESIN: We’re aware TRAVIS: We’re glad you’re here Can we go now? SAM: Yeah We’re going to– TRAVIS: Essek SAM: Oh, to Essek MATT: Are you leaving now? Just asking, it’s up to you guys LIAM: I mean, what else are we going to do? SAM: Yeah, let’s go LAURA: Yeah, we should just go LIAM: Thank you, watch the place TALIESIN: There’s instructions on how to take care of the plants in the kitchen LIAM: We have no belongings, so MATT: Okay LAURA: I have a question MATT: Yes LAURA: If I cast something from a wand, do I need the spell components for it or does it cancel it because I have a wand? MATT: It’ll usually say for most wand-based magical items, “Without material components.” LAURA: Okay MATT: I think the wand handles it, I don’t think you need the components for the wand– LAURA: Got it, okay TRAVIS: What wand do you have? MATT: Pretty sure LAURA: I have the Wand of the Solitary Scout and I have the Wand of Smiles MATT: You don’t the guano if you’re using a Wand of Fireballs or anything, it’s part of the enchantment that the wand handles it, I’m pretty sure TALIESIN: Wands a– LIAM: It’s rolled in the phosphorus like a churro MATT: “I will get my things and begin immediately.” TALIESIN: We have quarters for that, right? MATT: “Pleasure to meet you.” LAURA: Yeah, there’s an extra room TALIESIN: That makes life easier ASHLEY: What was her name again? SAM: You know what? LAURA: No, really, what was your name? SAM: I don’t remember– And I’m not sure that Matt does either MATT: I literally said it on the spot and forgot to write it down, not so much help on that TRAVIS: Vendetta, it’s Vendetta SAM: You know what, we’ll ask her when she gets back I can’t ask her– ASHLEY: We’ll ask again later MATT: I think it’s Vidalla or something, I should’ve– I’m usually good about writing it down and I’ll find it out tomorrow SAM: I can’t ask her because she’ll know I didn’t remember,
so one of you ask her, all right? LAURA: Vidalla MATT: Vidalla All right, so I wasn’t too far off MARISHA: No one self-names themselves Vendetta without issues LAURA: Yay, we have somebody working for us That’s pretty cool SAM: You’re welcome TRAVIS: Nicely done LAURA: That was a really high price, though, because, you know, we have people that clean up my mom’s quarters and stuff and they cost way less than that SAM: Well– LAURA: I think SAM: I mean, doesn’t matter to me Because we’re all splitting it, so TALIESIN: No, no we’re not, that’s okay LAURA: Yeah, we can split it if you want TRAVIS: Oh yes, Essek? Oh, we’ll be right there It’s quite urgent that we get to his place SAM: He’s messaging you? All right, let’s go TRAVIS: Yeah MATT: All right (laughter) You head your way over toward Essek’s home after finishing up here You head to his familiar towers where you had previously enjoyed the cheese and crackers provided to you You’re greeted by Essek, who leads you back into the interior “Well, I was not expecting you to return to Rosohna so soon “I take it your journey was successful?” LAURA: Yeah SAM: We believe so, yes LAURA: Should we try the spell again before we go? SAM: I mean, I haven’t even really meditated about it yet LAURA: Oh, you’re right, okay MATT: “Well, you said you needed to travel somewhere, so.” LAURA: Yes, is it okay? MATT: “Yes, it’s okay.” “I, (chuckles) you know, “it prevents me from some of “my capabilities throughout the day each time I do this, “so while I’m here in my home and things are “not requiring me to be elsewhere rapidly, “thankfully this is a moment in time “in which I am more useful here in the city.” TRAVIS: It’s greatly appreciated MATT: “I’m sure we’ll find a way to balance the scales some time.” LIAM: Is there any news on your end? MATT: “What I know is many of the (sighs) many of the “elements of the military on both sides are holding “hard lines at the exterior of previous battlefields “There has been some small scale negotiation “and discussion as far as preparation for this gathering “Ships have already set out with “the prisoner from one of our outposts “It is quite a long trek from our side of Wynandir “I believe the same has begun traveling from “the Dwendalian Empire to eventually “find its way toward the Menagerie Coast.” LAURA: Are we going to miss the negotiation? SAM: It takes weeks MATT: “The negotiation is about “three, three and a half weeks from now, “I believe.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “As long as you can ensure your return by then “Otherwise, it’ll just have to continue without you.” LAURA: Wow, okay MARISHA: It’s that and then Traveler Con is days later? LAURA: Yeah MATT: It’s pretty rapidly after SAM: We’ll be close MATT: That’s less than a week after where the negotiation is set is when Traveler Con’s probably going to happen, so TRAVIS: The volcano’s out in the water, too MATT: “So where would you like me “to take you?” TRAVIS: Caduceus? TALIESIN: Oh, we’re going to– TRAVIS: The menagerie It’s a vast space, yes? So somewhere more specific? LAURA: Can you describe exactly where we’re going? TALIESIN: No, I’ve never been there LAURA: Oh SAM: Didn’t you say it was near the forest that we have been to? TALIESIN: No MATT: “Do you not know where I’m supposed to be taking you? “That is– That is impossible.” LAURA: No, we know, we know where we’re going TALIESIN: I know the name of it SAM: It was the high, it was the forest down, that’s the wrong map TALIESIN: Wrong map TRAVIS: Is it this one? LAURA: Nope We need Xhorhas. It’s right there, it’s right there SAM: ♪ Get out the map. ♪ ASHLEY: Are you sure it was this one? TALIESIN: Thank you LAURA: Yeah, it’s, yeah, it’s over here SAM and TALIESIN: Down here TALIESIN: Whitedawn Lagoon, if I recall Is that where we’re– MATT: “Whitedawn Lagoon, right “Okay, I’ve not been there, but I know of its existence, “that puts us in a possible chance of arriving.” LIAM: Are we gambling with fate by going– LAURA: Should I scry on the Whitedawn Lagoon? Can I scry– I can’t scry on a location I always forget this I don’t have it prepared anyway MATT: “I don’t have it prepared either, so I could not, “it would be helpful to me to do so “Which means we can either go now and chance it “or we can try tomorrow.” SAM: Let’s chance it TRAVIS and MARISHA: Chance it! TRAVIS: What’s life without a little risk?
TALIESIN: So much can go wrong with this MATT: “Of course, but so much can go wrong with all sorts of–” TALIESIN: That’s so true MATT: “– elements of magic “Exciting, though, as we’ve experienced together “once before, sometimes painful.” LAURA: Mm-hmm MATT: “But if you insist “Let us all take hands, if you are ready.” TALIESIN: Oh boy Just for fun, I’m going to make a prayer for everything to go well LAURA: Oh! TALIESIN: Nope (laughter) MATT: The Wildmother is silent LAURA: I’m going to– TALIESIN: It was a long shot LAURA: Put my hands on Essek’s shoulder and I’m going to say: The Traveler is with you, my child MATT: “Thank you, Jester.” LAURA: Yeah MATT: “Come, come,” and he glides over into the center of his main chamber As he moves that way, the furniture (scraping) scoots on its own to the sides and leaves the open space Puts his hands out You all clasp hands and he goes, “Whitedawn Lagoon “Fingers crossed.” (whispers) And as he begins to finish incantations, you can hear the voice echoes growing louder and louder You can see on the ground between your feet these little light gray lines begin to (whooshing) connect you all in the center As it grows brighter and brighter and then you feel that familiar sound of you all being pulled into nothingness I need somebody to roll a D100 for me MARISHA: Taliesin– TRAVIS: Tal do it, yeah LAURA: Ho TALIESIN: That’s 99 SAM: Whoa TRAVIS: It is? MARISHA: Is that good or bad? LAURA: Yeah, it’s 99 TALIESIN: I don’t know MATT: Hold on TALIESIN: I’m trying to cast Divine Inspiration, that would have been amazing MARISHA: Yeah TALIESIN: If I rolled that last time, that would have been crazy (chuckling) TRAVIS: Mercer’s early page turning is interesting MATT: ♪ Think that’s– ♪ TALIESIN: I have to roll, like, 11? TRAVIS: Super bad MATT: ♪ Not good. ♪ LAURA: Not good, that’s not good? MATT: No, actually, it’s really good LAURA: Oh, okay MARISHA: It’s really good? MATT: That is on target ASHLEY: Oh wow LAURA: That’s super duper on target, right? TRAVIS: It’s one way or the other MATT: You had a 25% of this succeeding. (laughs) (surprised murmuring) Because this is only based on a description, he’s not even viewed it before LAURA: Oh jeez louise MATT: There’s a 43% chance for a mishap on that one, but you rolled a 99 TALIESIN: I rolled a, look at that, that’s really pretty Those are the dice you got me, by the way– LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: They’ve been good dice LAURA: Good TALIESIN: They’ve been really good MATT: You all suddenly go from the cold night to the bright midday sun of a bluer sky above You can see most of the clouds that you’re used to seeing in the Dwendalian Empire not there, aside from a few small plumes of white across the horizon You are partially looking out to a green grassy stretch of hill that then vanishes before you see ocean to the south, the glittering waters of the Lucidian Ocean You look to your right and behind you and you can see the elements of a mountain range that vanish to the north, broken gray rocks and it looks like a deep ravine that begins to carve its way northward from where you stand It’s a number of miles away, it’s barely visible on the horizon But immediately before you, you can see this vast jungle, this dense tropical forest that seems to wrap around and encompass a large portion of this shore-side cliff expanse You assume that you’re probably pretty close to or right at the area known as the Whitedawn Lagoon Essek immediately goes, “Ahh “Ah, I think this was a success.” TALIESIN: This looks about right LAURA: When was the last time you saw the sun? MATT: “It’s been a number of, I think probably since “the last time I took you somewhere this bright.” SAM: Does it hurt you? MATT: “It’s not comfortable, but it is tolerable “Is this what you were seeking?” TALIESIN: Does this mountain range look familiar from my vision? MATT: The mountain range isn’t familiar to you, but the visions you’ve had definitely, your visions specifically are of an oasis in the middle of a jungle TALIESIN: Sure MATT: You don’t know which one or where And so, none of this is familiar to you, but you seem to have been brought to where you requested LAURA: I get down on the ground and paint a parasol and pop it out and go, (opening)
(laughter) MATT: “Thank you, Jester.” LAURA: You’re welcome MARISHA: He’s so cute with his parasol TRAVIS: There’s dicks on each of the panels LAURA: He’s floating with his parasol? He’s Mary Poppins, y’all! (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m going to sit down, send out a little, I’m going to face the mountains There’s a jungle, I assume, in front of us MATT: Yes TALIESIN: And I’m going to cast Commune MATT: Okay TRAVIS: I’ll sit down off and to his right, behind him MATT: Okay, lend your presence to the Commune as well? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm MATT: You got it TALIESIN: Does my destination lie before me? MATT: As you focus, all of you feel the still air become a warm seaside breeze, a welcome shift from the colder climates which you’ve traversed as of late, and familiar to those who grew up in the Menagerie Coast This further south on Xhorhas definitely resembles the places where you two grew up As the warm wind blows through, (blows) you get a sweet smell, a familiar smell, this sweet, honeysuckle-like flower aroma that reminds you of times in your youth when you were on the right path and the wind blows in the direction of the jungle in front of you, the trees the swaying inward. (blows) TALIESIN: Is it under a day’s walk? MATT: The breeze comes to a still Still blowing, but gentler You get the sense that the answer is inconclusive TALIESIN: Is it dangerous? MATT: The breeze picks up once more, but is rapidly cold, not in a way that it denies it, but definitely confirms that there is danger ahead TALIESIN: About a day’s journey, it is dangerous, but we head this way LIAM: Lead the way LAURA: Okie dokie SAM: Do you know what we’re looking for? A house, a hill, a grove? TALIESIN: An oasis SAM: An oasis MARISHA: Are we walking along the beach or– TALIESIN: No, we’re walking into the jungle LAURA: Great MATT: You can hear the various jungle birds and wildlife giving off loud caws and crows and distant insects chirping It’s a wild, tangled space Essek goes, “Well, that is not for me “Thank you, Jester, and good luck.” And glides over and lands down into a patch of sand and begins to take his finger and carve out a teleportation circle LIAM: Thank you, friend TALIESIN: Thank you MATT: “Of course.” Continues his work TRAVIS: Spit spot! (laughter) (gagging) (laughter) MATT: The jungle awaits you SAM: Okay, shall we? TALIESIN: Thank you for this You don’t teleport to a place like this, you have to make it there MARISHA: Are we cheating in some way? TALIESIN: This is as close as I was comfortable getting LAURA: Now we make it TALIESIN: Now we walk LAURA: Okay MATT: All right You guys– LAURA: Oh man MATT: Begin to trek your initial steps into this jungle, stepping over heavy thick base roots, pushing past all manner of flora and fauna, heavy ferns that rise up to maybe five, six feet, some even taller the further in you get The path that you trek is not a path, there is no walked path in this area, you’re having to climb over and carve probably the first steps from this point of entry that have made their way from any journeyman TALIESIN: I’m going to try and let as much flora, fauna, and animal life know why we’re here and what we’re looking for and that we’re just passing through, heading to the oasis
MATT: All right The air is very warm, which is comforting, especially given the last night that you spent in the chilly mountains on the northern side of the Cyrios Mountain range Numerous heavy vines wrap around the thick, thick tree trunks, a number of which begin to wrap and cluster in front of you, forming small barriers that you have to hack through and push your way around You find small nests of insects and other small woodland creatures built along bases and upward Some of these trees, banyan tree-type, these thick, squat trees with these heavy, heavy just dozens and dozens of thick branches that build up into the large canopy, each one knotting and tangling with the next, forming this network with occasional breaks where you can see the dust and pollen and other sorts of various nature-based clouding material that drift through and elements of light peek in beams that begin to greet you as you push from one barrier to the next The smell and the scent is profoundly comforting, though odd It is nature in a way that is full of life It’s sweet, similar to the smell that came with the breeze of your Commune, but more varied and diverse in the way that it affects the memories that come to mind that are connected to some of these smells Who’s keeping watch as you progress into this? What is the marching order? LAURA: Oh jeez I’m assuming you’re in front– TALIESIN: I’m in front, I guess LIAM: Caduceus is the leader, yeah TRAVIS: I’ll be behind Caduceus LAURA: I’ll pull up the rear, maybe ASHLEY: I’ll go behind Fjord LIAM: I’ll take the center of the line if– SAM: I’ll go behind Yasha MARISHA: I’ll protect Caleb and Nott MATT: Fjord, you’re behind Caduceus? TRAVIS: Fjord and Yasha with swords, slicing through ASHLEY: Yep MATT: All right, so you’re, so Fjord and Yasha up there, right there LIAM: How hot is it, by the way? MATT: Down here, I’d say it’s probably, it’s not terribly hot, it’s mid-80s LAURA: Oof, I definitely take off my overcoat– LIAM: Coats off, for sure LAURA: Holy moly MATT: Yeah, so it’s not terribly hot, but given the amount of things you have on and the sense of the clothing you’ve been wearing for different climates, you’re immediately starting to sweat So Beauregard, you’re in the middle with Caleb, you said? MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll be directly behind Caleb and Nott, I think, next to Jester MATT: Okay, there you go LIAM: Caleb’s hair is getting really long, so he puts it up MATT: You got it LAURA: Topknot or a little ponytail? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah Or the little half, the little halfer? LAURA: No, full ponytail MARISHA: Full pony? Mm, that’s good LIAM: Rolled up sleeves MATT: All right, so TRAVIS: You just tie it in a knot? MARISHA: Yeah, just have this ribbon, you just– and then do a little loopy-loop Yours is getting there, actually, yeah TRAVIS: Got to put a little itty bitty– MARISHA: Ah, like more two more weeks LIAM: Are you on your way to karate class, little boy? TRAVIS: Do a ribbon on that bitch MARISHA: I pick like a piece of grass and tie it around There you go, nailed it TRAVIS: Fuck yeah (laughter) MATT: It’s getting mid-afternoon at this point With your time in Rosohna, you probably are a few hours away from dusk You push for the first hour in This is going to be another traversing a dangerous element of nature skill challenge Who wants to helm the first leg of this? TALIESIN: I’ll do it with a perception and my sense of where I was being led MATT: You got it LIAM: Before we head out, Caleb reaches a pearl way up high to Caduceus’ forehead and casts for a few moments and casts Fortune’s Favor on you MATT: All right TALIESIN: So it’s– LIAM: One luck for the day whenever, it could be now, it could be later TALIESIN: All right Nice, so perception, I’m going to give myself a little boost as well LIAM: I’ll just do a small– TALIESIN: That’s 21, 24 SAM: Ooh MATT: 24, okay TRAVIS: Damn MATT: In helping lead the group forward, you find the clearest path that doesn’t immediately cause you to slow in your travel through The earlier parts of this jungle are dense, but it’s getting denser, and at least this first part doesn’t seem to be as dangerous as you surmised the interior may have been alluded to by your conversation with the Wildmother Melora It’s beautiful, it’s calming, and for those of you who have never spent much time in tropical settings, in particular you, Yasha, who, of everyone here, has probably been the most removed from a lot of these spaces, it is, it’s gorgeous And some of the flowers, bright and vibrant, you can’t help but wanting to pick and keep ASHLEY: Caduceus,
can I pick a flower from here? TALIESIN: Let me know and I’ll ask permission Some of these things also do bite, you got to be careful MATT: Make a nature check for me TALIESIN: All right (birds tweeting) I want to re-roll that, I’m using my– pff, even worse MARISHA: So soon? LAURA: Already? TALIESIN: That was sad, a four MARISHA: What? Wait, what was the other? TALIESIN: Eight MATT: Does he get to– look at the writing on the spell LIAM: It’s like a luck point, so you can roll twice and then take the higher TALIESIN: Oh, then eight LAURA: Oh LIAM: Ooh, hot dog MATT: Choose which to use TALIESIN: Eight MATT: Eight TALIESIN: I don’t know which ones are– MATT: You point out one flower, you think, “Oh, that’s brightly colored, that’s probably dangerous “That one’s muted, that one you can probably pick.” ASHLEY: Pick TALIESIN: I asked permission, of course, before we MATT: You did, it’s important to ask consent TALIESIN: Yeah (birds tweeting) MATT: You really don’t know what you’re talking about in this particular instance, but luckily, there wasn’t a huge issue with this one, so you pluck the flower without a problem TALIESIN: (aggressive hissing) MATT: Yeah, you were very lucky TALIESIN: (scrabbling) SAM: What is it– TRAVIS: Oh god, oh god! ASHLEY: What is it? MATT: It’s a kind of– TALIESIN: It was a cricket MATT: A teal color that towards the edges of the petals, and it’s a wide flower, it’s that big, the edges of the petals, it tends to go to a deep sea blue TALIESIN: It’s a frog that looks like a flower MATT: It’s very pretty LIAM: (coughing) MATT: It does that, too But you manage to find the best path forward that does not slow your progression into the jungle Who wants to helm the next leg of this? TRAVIS: I will try TALIESIN: Yeah MATT: All right MATT: What’re you doing to help here? SAM: Beep LIAM: Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa (smacking) TRAVIS: Ah MARISHA: Mosquito LIAM: No, that was just Liam MARISHA: Oh TRAVIS: I’ll step forward and I’ll say: Listen, you fucking jungle, I’m a paladin of the Wildmother You’re going to move or we’re going to bust you wide open We’ll wreck this place Don’t make me fucking tell you twice Can I intimidate it? (laughter) MATT: Go ahead and roll intimidation LAURA: I love that you tried to deceive and intimidate TALIESIN: This is not going to go well MARISHA: Yes, intimidate the woods, yes! TRAVIS: 21 MARISHA: Yes! MATT: Okay You shout out loudly into the jungle, out in front of your, just yelling You can see all these birds like (fluttering) scatter from above the canopy, things start rushing and running out of the space It looks pretty quiet (laughter) MATT: Not bad LAURA: I feel intimidate it, for sure TRAVIS: It’s the hairdo MATT: Yep You take a confident step forward (slamming) TRAVIS: (yells) (laughter) MATT: A massive plant that was just beyond the root you were standing on just devours Fjord, just completely vanishes inside of a large flytrap-like pod LIAM: Use your luck point! (laughter) SAM: Oh no MATT: You hear (muffled) ASHLEY: I try to pull it open MATT: Roll a strength check ASHLEY: Okay LAURA: Oh my gosh TALIESIN: I’m giving you a d4– MATT: Take eight points of acid damage, Fjord (groaning) TALIESIN: I’m giving you a d4 on that, too ASHLEY: d4? Okay TALIESIN: Yeah (laughter) ASHLEY: Oh, good. 18? MATT: 18 (groans) You start pulling the pod open You’re in there, it’s not enough to quite get him out, like you don’t pull him out, but the pod is open You can go ahead and attempt to escape if you’d like TRAVIS: I would like to please, yes, I summon the sword and just try and– MATT: I’ll say it’s easy enough This plant looks more dangerous than it really is and between the two of you, you manage to get him out and it slowly like (ripping) pulls open TRAVIS: (screaming and panting) LAURA: Good job, Fjord, now we know to watch out for those TRAVIS: Yeah, maybe we should be quiet, just a thought (whispered) Sorry Ah, it stings (laughter) MATT: The pod is a purplish color on the outside, which is very glaring, but when it’s open, the interior is almost perfectly camouflaged with the extremely green– LAURA: We need to definitely– TALIESIN: So now we know what to look for MATT: Yes TALIESIN: We look for ground that looks like ground TRAVIS: It looks like a big-ass mouth (coughing) TALIESIN: Be careful LAURA: Smart MATT: All right, who would like to take this next leg? LAURA: Um MARISHA: Oh boy ASHLEY: I’ll take it MATT: Okay, well, what skill, what are you attempting to aid this journey with and how– ASHLEY: Oh, I was just going to do a survival MATT: You could do the survival, that’s a way to do it ASHLEY: No, let me think if there’s something better here– MATT: Just explain how it pertains to– TRAVIS: It’s better than intimidation (laughter) MATT: If you rolled high enough, I was like, “I’ll figure out something.” ASHLEY: Can I try to
look at the path and investigate to see if there’s a nice, easy way through? MATT: Investigation could possibly, yeah, you could give it a shot LIAM: Slow down, Orphan Maker Puts the pearl up to her head LAURA: Beep beep beep beep beep TRAVIS: It lasts for a whole day? MATT: Lasts for an hour TRAVIS: Hour, okay ASHLEY: ‘Kay That means I can reroll? TRAVIS: Yeah, right now ASHLEY: Okay Oh, it’s cocked It’s cocked again, I’m sorry LIAM: Throw that die in the– ASHLEY: No, I love it, though, when it rolls well TRAVIS: When it rolls well TALIESIN: It certainly wasn’t the last time you rolled, that was really bad ASHLEY: 19 MATT: 19, okay You do slow the travel of the group slightly because you’re taking the time to be very careful This is your, while you’re not used to jungle, you’re definitely used to dangerous marshland and tangled paths through heavy vegetation, though a very different kind, but there’s some elements that are consistent through and, you know, Beau backs you up a little bit too, being very keen in the eyes, but peering through, you find the areas that immediately look like they’ve been walked a little more by the wildlife, which means they’re the ones that are probably the most successfully traversed by those that live here often And following those paths, those trails, and the signs of edges of trees where you can see darkening coloration from animals that have brushed against it to mark their territory and such, you see the familiar signs of these things and go, “This is probably where we should go.” And you do manage to get on for another hour or so without any serious issue LAURA: Hey! MATT: It is starting to get dark LAURA: What’s the ground look like here? MATT: I mean, it’s rough You could take a while to search for a place to set up a dome comfortably, that’ll probably take the rest of the time before the daylight closes, or you can– LIAM: Caleb lights up his hand as they’re walking MATT: Mmkay You’ll have to probably clear an area, too, to make– LAURA: Find a dome spot or we travel through the night? LIAM: There are also trees here I mean, I’ve heard of camping in the trees MARISHA: Actually– LAURA: Yeah, there’s probably large cats and evil animals, maybe, that live up there TRAVIS: What’re you basing that off of? LAURA: I don’t know, the books I read? TALIESIN: We’re near the menagerie, which means there could be all sorts of strange animal life, it could be very varied MARISHA: Is there a tree nearby? MATT: There are trees everywhere nearby LAURA: Surrounded by trees MARISHA: Tall ones? MATT: They’re all, I mean, from what you can tell, I mean, the canopies are low for the thickness of them, they’re very squat jungle trees You’re not quite sure how tall, you know, from where you currently are, they are, but some of them are probably a good 20 or so feet up MARISHA: I’m going to, if I’m nearby, judge the tallest one that I have and climb it MATT: Okay, this one looks to probably close to 30 or so feet MARISHA: All right, climb it for vantage MATT: Okay LAURA: I’m going to smack her butt on the way up and say: Traveler loves you MARISHA: Thanks LAURA: You’re guided MATT: You can take the athletics or acrobatics, your choice MARISHA: I will take acrobatics And do I have a, my wall run type of situation, my Unarmored Movement? MATT: Yes, you do That’s right, because you can– MARISHA: Run up vertical surfaces MATT: So you actually probably don’t even have to roll for this LIAM: Monk shit MATT: Fricking monks Yeah, this is part of the, ch-ch-ch, there it is (birds tweeting) TALIESIN: What’s up with that? That’s an interesting looking die you have there MARISHA: This is the goldfish TALIESIN: Oh, that’s right ASHLEY: Oh, that’s awesome MARISHA: Yeah MATT: As part of the Slow Fall element? MARISHA: No, Unarmored Movement MATT: Oh, there it is, gotcha So yeah, with your current movement, you could probably just, don’t even have to roll, you can just run up that tree MARISHA: Cool Thanks, Traveler! And I run up MATT: You see Beau just gets a running start and (quick footsteps) and vanishes MARISHA: She thinks it’s the Traveler, it’s just because Jester smacked her on the ass, though MATT: There you go MARISHA: Yeah I’m just very invigorated by that MATT: I respect it Okay, you head up to the top and glance over and immediately, your eyes are taken by the bright sunlight MARISHA: Oh, it’s still daylight MATT: Well, it’s, you’re getting close, you have about an hour or so before you lose all daylight, it’s starting to get that dusk color, but it’s still setting in that direction and the bright orange-yellow color of it that way catches you from the dark canopy that you ran up LIAM: Dark under the trees MATT: It’s beautiful, though The view here, you can see the ocean into the distance, just past the canopy, and it’s thick and it goes on endlessly In fact, all you can pretty much see is just green and a little bit of blue on the horizon to the south And that’s what catches you in the moment MARISHA: I try to, I blink my eyes to focus Any clearings nearby, any patches?
MATT: Make a perception check ASHLEY: Bilbo Baggins TALIESIN: You still have that d4 MARISHA: Okay, okay– I still have a d4? LIAM: Baggins moment TRAVIS: Butterflies MATT: From–? MARISHA: From the bless? TALIESIN: She didn’t burn it, the bless just holds until you use it MATT: Oh, you used Bless? LAURA: No TALIESIN: No, not Bless, it’s– LAURA: Guidance TALIESIN: Guidance just holds until you use it MATT: Guidance lasts for a round, I’ll allow it because you ran it pretty quick in one round, sure MARISHA: Okay, then MATT: I’ll allow it MARISHA: That is 25 TALIESIN: Up to a minute MATT: 25, okay MARISHA: Yeah, total TALIESIN: Guidance is up to a minute MATT: Oh, until used? Got it That’s right, a minute All right, so yeah, you focus your eyes for a second, glance out and you– MARISHA: Doing it for Jester. (groans) MATT: You think you see, probably about a quarter mile off in a southwestern direction, an area where the canopy folds in a bit, what would be a small pocket that isn’t completely flush with the rest of the treeline within your immediate vicinity MARISHA: That is, wait, what? LAURA: Isn’t MARISHA: Isn’t LAURA: Probably a clearing MARISHA: Okay MATT: The closest you can think of is– MARISHA: A quarter mile west, is that what you just said? MATT: Southwest of where you– MARISHA: Southwest, okay I climb back down Quarter mile, southwest, follow me Yeah, not far, like 10 minutes All right LAURA: Quarter mile, yeah MARISHA: Quarter mile, yeah MATT: Mmkay TALIESIN: 20 minutes, 30 minutes MATT: Following Beau’s lead– MARISHA: 15 minutes MATT: And you guys continue to carve through the jungle path You eventually come upon a small element of the clearing where you can see a tree has fallen It was, you know, either it was really old or really sick It collapsed under its own weight to one side, the roots tearing up on the one end and you can see the inside of where the exposed roots of it are, it’s been hollowed out and it’s probably home to a number of creatures that aren’t currently present But it is a clearing where you could place the dome relatively comfortably there You’d have clear the floor from some of the nearby ferns and other– TALIESIN: Is it my imagination that something probably lives here? I want to just take a look to see if it seems like something big lives inside this tree MATT: Okay, make a nature check TALIESIN: Oof My nature is terrible, which is part of the fun of this 14 MATT: 14’s not too bad From what you can tell, elements of this have been carved and hollowed out by probably some sort of a rodent-type creature, based on the tooth marks and the scratches, probably no larger than that size and probably a dozen or so have made homes within the base of the tree TALIESIN: How big would I imagine these creatures to be, like this big? MATT: Like about as big as I just showed you, yeah TALIESIN: Okay There’s a bunch of little animals that live in this I don’t know if we should camp inside, I think maybe off to the side– LAURA: Sprinkle, you can make some friends! TALIESIN: We don’t disturb them Oh LAURA: I don’t think he wants to make– SAM: Maybe he’ll want to stay here forever LAURA: No, Nott SAM: Where he can live, can live a life of an animal TALIESIN: For, like, a day LAURA: Sprinkle, do you want to stay with me or do you want to live the life of a wild creature? Should we make a hut? LIAM: Let’s make a hut MARISHA: She doesn’t wait for an answer. (laughs) Just make a hut (laughter) MATT: Yeah, you can set up LIAM: Okay MATT: After clearing the space a bit and by the time you get ready for it, you are losing the last bit of daylight, so the timing’s pretty perfect, actually SAM: As Caleb is preparing, I’ll take a little sip of whiskey LAURA: No, no ASHLEY: I knock it out SAM: With what? ASHLEY: I backhand your flask SAM: I dodge it MATT: Roll an attack roll TRAVIS: Reckless MATT: You can be reckless if you want to ASHLEY: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, of course Oh wait, what was that? Oh yeah 22 SAM: I mean, that hits, yeah MATT: Yeah SAM: Gah! MATT: (whooshing) (pinging) It lands a little ways off ASHLEY: I pick it up You told me to do it SAM: I was just sort of kidding LAURA: You weren’t ASHLEY: No, you weren’t kidding TALIESIN: Not at all ASHLEY: We’re keeping you accountable SAM: All right, good ASHLEY: We’re a tribe now SAM: That was a test and you passed ASHLEY: Okay, well do you want a sip for being good? SAM: Yes ASHLEY: That was a test, and you failed I put it in my bag MATT: Beautiful TALIESIN: I love all of this
MATT: All righty You set up the dome without issue The nocturnal beasts of the night begin to go about their evening hunt and you can hear the distant sounds of creatures you aren’t familiar with (birds tweeting) growling, purring, making calls to each other in the distance It’s unsettling but you feel comfortable here– LAURA: Making calls to each other in the distance Hello?! MATT: I’m just real curious how your night’s been over there because it’s real heavy over where I live LAURA: Do you hear all these bugs? (laughter) ASHLEY: Mom? (laughter) MATT: But who’s taking first watch? If you’re taking any watches or if you guys just all going to sleep You feel pretty comfortable, but it’s up to you LAURA: I’m going to stay up for just a little bit and I’m going to draw, I’m going to take out Molly’s tarot deck MATT: Mmkay LAURA: And I’m going to draw on one of the cards I’ve thought of one of the cards that I want to make SAM: Ooh MATT: Okay SAM: What is it? LAURA: On one, so you know that optical illusion where one side looks like a old lady and you flip it and it’s like a pretty woman? SAM: Uh-huh LAURA: You know what I’m talking about? SAM: Yeah, yeah LAURA: I’m going to make a dual card and one side’s going to be the hag and then when you flip it over, it’s the maiden TALIESIN: Ooh Hot SAM: And so that card’s called The Hag and Maiden? LAURA: The Hag and the Maiden TALIESIN: They each have two names MARISHA: Does the maid look like you? ASHLEY: That’s very cool LAURA: Maybe (laughter) She may be like a little blue color in the folds MARISHA: That’s good, that’s good MATT: All right LIAM: I have a quick thing I want to do before bed as well I’m not taking a watch, or maybe I will, but I get out the ingredients I need to cast Find Familiar and I place my raven cat down in the center and mutter a few words and spend the time on it Oh, it takes an hour– MATT: It takes an hour LIAM: And 10 minutes And suddenly I have a small capuchin monkey MATT: Okay LIAM: Little speckled spots all over him MATT: All righty TRAVIS: Slick, slick slick slick You see Sprinkle try to escape the dome (as Sprinkle) I volunteer as tribute MARISHA: (scrabbling) LIAM: It does not have the passcode to come back in, so (laughter) LAURA: Sprinkle is curled up, comfortable, in my hood, a little unnerved by all of the crazy noises SAM: A little unnerved MARISHA: Yeah (laughter) MARISHA: New development MATT: So, you finish summoning your monkey and go to bed You’re finishing the card– LIAM: Summoning the monkey all night long MATT: Yep (laughter) (laughter) TRAVIS: Wizard shit MATT: Every wizard’s early days at school, (laughter) spend a little too much time summoning the monkey (laughter) All right But Jester, you’re taking the first watch? LAURA: Mm, mm-hmm Mm-hmm MATT: Okay TRAVIS: (whistling) MATT: Everyone else is asleep– TRAVIS: (whistling) MATT: — for the early portion of the night In that time that you’re finishing your card drawing and getting excited, you can’t help but catch something in the corner of your eye and outside of the dome, beyond the edge of the glade, you see a familiar green robe LAURA: I get up and go MATT: Okay MARISHA: This is bad, right? No? SAM: I think it’s fine No, it’s fine They’re just going to go fuck in the woods MATT: You step out of the dome and quietly make your way beyond the clearing where– LAURA: What’re you doing? MATT: The Traveler waits as he– “Come with me “You’ve always been so quick to learn, so very clever “I grow so proud “I think it’s time.” LAURA: Time for what? MATT: “Do you trust me?” LAURA: With everything in my being MATT: “Come.” He turns and walks further into the darkness of the jungle, a faint green glow lighting up the space around him as he walks LAURA: I glance back at the dome, (sighs) and take off after the Traveler MATT: Okay As he walks, you can see out of the corner of the green light, the vines expanding and growing more vibrant around him, flowers (poofing) As he steps to an area and
puts his hand to one side, you can see one of the trees very quietly bends and moves aside where a little corner of the jungle is serene and removed from the dense expanse around you LAURA: Wow Is this the oasis? No, this is your oasis MATT: “It’s a place to talk.” He stands and turns facing you And he pulls his hood back– LAURA: (gasping) MATT: — revealing his almost elf-like features, but more exaggerated and fey, his long ears curling behind the head, beyond any elf’s that you’ve seen, his almond-shaped eyes of emerald green and brilliant beneath these thin feather-like brows A voluminous orange-red hair curls down the back of the head like a lion’s mane and he smiles “Jester, you are my first disciple, “the first one to truly carve the world “with your cunning, your joy, and your mischief “I trust you “And are you ready for the absolute truth?” LAURA: Yes? MATT: “I am the Traveler, but it was not always this way, “for when I traveled here, it was a world before me “where I was without burdens, “without responsibilities, and without limitations “I drank deep of the muted colors “of Exandria, straining to exit “I plucked at and knotted the lives of many fools “from the shadows, amusing myself by “leaping into every whim with glee and purpose “And one day, I met a little girl who sought that same spark, “a little girl who found joy in exposing life’s “most subtle hypocrisies, a little blue girl “who lived a life so small but felt in her heart “there was so much more to see “This little girl and I found a kinship “and in her child-like wonder, her view so untempered by “the sanctimonious morality of man, “and she saw me as a god “So for her– for you– I donned the mask of one “I found that with such pure, absolute faith “granted towards me, I was exhilarated “I began to seek others who might be “waiting for such guidance, to bring a bit of, “well, necessary chaos into the world “One by one, I traveled and found “more souls who needed direction, “who found themselves in our shenanigans “It was beautiful “Eons of living for only myself, I found a new joy “in helping others find themselves in a world “cruel and painted in dull, divided pigments “With each new faith, I could find myself, “I could feel myself becoming what you believed “Then more came “Playful pranks turned into demands, “prayers fighting for my attention “Freshly freed from previously imposed boundaries, “I had managed to really construct my own “While such faith granted me power “beyond what I thought possible to achieve, “I was being spread too thin across “those who I’d taken under my wing “I thought to bring them all together, “to unify their causes and perhaps forge a community “under this banner, my banner, our banner “We are weeks away from the gathering of my lost children “who have wound their lives around my boons and counsel “The truth, Jester, is that I have no idea what I’m doing–” LAURA: (gasping) MATT: “– and I need your help.” That’s where it ends tonight’s episode (yelling) (clapping) LAURA: Holy shit. (laughs) TALIESIN: Just sitting here going, “Fuck off, David Bowie! “Fuck off, no one wants you here, David Bowie.” ASHLEY: Oh my god TALIESIN: Go back to your home, David Bowie LAURA: It’s a cult! MARISHA: It is a cult This was Jester’s fault the whole time
SAM: Maybe not a cult– MARISHA: Yes TALIESIN: It’s a cult! LAURA: No, now he’s going to be a god, he is a god TALIESIN: There’s paper pants, it’s a cult TRAVIS: Elven futures– LAURA: It’s Artagan! It’s Artagan MARISHA: Totally Artagan ASHLEY: Come on. You’re saying yes? LAURA and ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah ASHLEY: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah LAURA: Holy shit– SAM: Maybe it’s not a cult TALIESIN: David Bowie, just David Bowie TRAVIS: “I have no idea what I’m doing”?! ASHLEY: Oh no TALIESIN: Honestly, if I were ever to meet a god and they said that to me, I’d be like, “Okay, and now I believe that you are.” (laughter) (clapping) This got way out of hand LIAM: Traveler Con is just Artagan strangling 500 people MATT: (laughs) I mean– TRAVIS: Wait, Garmelie, Artágan, Ártagan? Ártagan or Artágan? MATT: Artágan MARISHA: Garmelie, and then it was like, “My name is actually Artagan.” TRAVIS: Garmelie was, like, the faun? LAURA: Yeah yeah yeah yeah TALIESIN: Oh my god, oh ASHLEY: Holy TALIESIN: So much– MATT: For so long, just– SAM: Garmelie was the faun Was that an illusion for us? LAURA: Yeah yeah yeah, it was like his changed shape MATT: Yep TRAVIS: Little trickster faun SAM: Yeah TRAVIS: Oh fuck LAURA: You did this, I’m so excited MARISHA: You did this TALIESIN: You did this! MARISHA: (laughs) It’s so funny SAM: It doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing LAURA: No, it’s not, it’s super awesome TALIESIN: It’s a clusterfuck MATT: It’s a complicated thing, is what it is SAM: It’s a club that you’ve started You started a club ASHLEY: You did You started a club, maybe you become, maybe– TRAVIS: Married to somebody and then found the secret door to their basement LAURA: Oh my gosh No It’s so much more TRAVIS: No, this is fine TALIESIN: It’s so amazing LAURA: It’s totally okay. It’s going to be great MATT: It was the trigger of your trickery last session that he was like, “Okay, maybe she can help me.” (laughter) LAURA: Oh my god MARISHA: Holy fuck LIAM: I love it LAURA: I love it so much TALIESIN: Oh my god MATT: It’s gon’ be interesting But we’ll pick that up next week on Thursday Thank you for joining us Look forward to seeing you guys next Thursday and hopefully those stick around on Friday, Valentine’s Day, to check out our Monsterhearts 2 one-shot But until then, have a wonderful night, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night (dramatic orchestral music)